#20 - April 20th, 2005

Once again let's begin with some of that old Jive Turkey : Turkey Vultures merely eat that which others have previously killed. We are the only 'scavenger' birds that do not actually kill our prey. Not that I'm saying we wouldn't if we could but on close inspection of our feet you would see that they are useless for ripping into prey and you'd be reminded of a chicken rather than a hawk or eagle. However, we have incredibly powerful beaks which can rip through even the toughest of cow hides. We also have naked red heads (resembling Turkeys) so that carrion or dead meat will not adhere to our skin as it would do to feathers. Eating out is quite simple really, we just thrust our bald heads into the body cavities of rotting animals and chow down - hence our alternative title, "The Garbage Men/Women of Nature"…Hmm, I've always liked that…..
What a wonderful day in the Valley ! I'm referring to last Sunday which turned out to be one of those perfect "10's" when it all just slips into place…Perhaps I can share it with you…After a wisely subdued Saturday night, I was unusually fresh for a Sunday morning and thus able to swiftly swoop into The Buckhorn Saloon in Boonville at 7.35am for a hearty breakfast, served from 7.30am to noon on weekends. Along with numerous other Vultures I devoured some excellent 'grub', which in my case was the delicious corned beef hash special - oh, yeah, this is good ! It was just what I needed and, with Diana calmly and efficiently running the operation in the dining area and D'Anne coming up with the goodies in the kitchen, it would be a hard feast to beat. Eggs Benedict and/or Florentine, biscuits and gravy, chicken fried steak, hobo potatoes, crispy bacon, omelets - these 'classics' arrived promptly and, according to the assembled breakfast 'experts', were all very good. With coffee flowing freely and mimosas requested by a couple of the more 'adventurous' diners it was the way a good Sunday should begin, in my humble opinion of course…..
By 8.30am I was flying down to the Yorkville Highlands to attend the annual Kevin Owens' Classic Sheep Dog trial put on by Kevin the Shepherd and R.E.S.D.A. - The Redwood Empire Sheep Dog Association. Just a mile into the hills off Highway 128, it was held in a wonderful setting with perfect weather to match and although the sheep were as ornery as they can be, which resulted in the sheep dogs often struggling to get the upper hand, it made for an excellent day's sport. Despite the lack of cooperation from the sheep, two of the twelve competing dogs successfully completed the course including the eventual winner Elie, with Nancy Todd as the handler on behalf of Stanley Johnson of Yorkville's Johnson Ranch. The Anderson Valley Sheep Wranglers, led by Natalie the Sheep Whistler and fortified by their breakfast at The Buckhorn, kept everything in order in the holding pen area to ensure that all the shepherds had an equal chance of victory and, it should go without saying but I will anyway, Kevin Owens of Wales was superb as the Course Director and all-round excellent host…..

By 3pm the victorious winners had received their ribbons and trophies, including three beautifully carved bowls designed and created by generous property owner Cesare Reyneri, and it was clearly time for The Wranglers to sup some beers. Tradition dictates that this meant a return to The Buckhorn and although a number of the wranglers were clearly affected by sunburn they were not to be deterred from celebrating a job well done…It was a special day and when it was all over "baaah the bleating" this particular Vulture was smiling all over his big red Turkey face…Many thanks to all who helped to make this great Valley occasion such a success…..
Whine of the Week : Actually more of a 'worry' than a 'whine'…Having spent many years in the Western Addition district of San Francisco in the early nineties, whenever I start to see an increase in the number of youths hanging out on street corners with pit-bull puppies on short leashes I cannot help but think that a resumption of the barbaric 'sport' of dog-fighting is on the horizon. I would imagine this is something not unheard of even here but I have made as many such sightings in Boonville over the past three weeks as I had in the whole of the previous six months. I would hope the youth of our fair Valley is not up to such nefarious activities and are merely enjoying the wonderful companionship a dog can bring but I fear the worst…I'm hopefully way off the mark on this because I'd hate to be the one to say, "I told you so" at some point in the future….
Wine of the Week : I'd love to say that I often enjoy Roederer
Estate Vineyards' Brut sparkling wine with the caviar with which it pairs so well - but I can't…However, I can say that it is absolutely first rate with some delicious butter popcorn. An opinion shared by many others, I believe…I should add that the Brut is also very good with orange juice in a mimosa but 'The Powers that Be' at our local French-owned winery would probably not be too pleased to have it 'broadcast' that their fine product may be used as half of a very effective hangover cure…Oh, well, messieurs et mesdames, it's too late now… and anyway it's true…..
It's time for the Useful Word for the week …On this occasion I have chosen 'mumblecrust' - it just rolls off the tongue. This is another way of saying 'a toothless beggar' as in, "Some of my best friends are mumblecrusts", or perhaps, "You don't get many mumblecrusts staying at The Boonville Hotel"….I'm confident that you'll find plenty of occasions to use this excellent word over the next week or so…..

I made a long overdue visit to the Coast last week and, after the early morning haze had lifted, what a beautiful day it turned out to be. The ocean was at least three different shades of blue as I flew along the coastline and, despite the very blustery winds, the bright sunshine kept me warm. For lunch the usual excellent burger and fries from Mendo Burger in the town Mendocino made sure I was fine fettle for the long flight between Fort Bragg and Gualala and then back to the Valley. Not wishing to be too smug but it was certainly one of those days which reminds you of why you live in this part of the world…
For those readers desperate to find out the names of certain anonymous writers in this esteemed publication, they can at least find out who I am by writing to me personally at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net and I will reveal my name, vital statistics, favorite food, mother's maiden name, etc - all that you wish to know…probably. I have found that people generally treat you differently if they know you write in a newspaper and therefore, in anonymity, I believe that my points of view can be somewhat objective observations. Approximately 95% of what I think and write about this Valley is positive and so I would like to think that writing under a pseudonym, apart from providing an outlet for my obvious Vulture obsession, is just harmless fun. Furthermore, I know that much of what I write reflects the thoughts and opinions of quite a few people who live and work here and if I have been 'critical' on occasion then hopefully it has been both constructive and also a benefit to the vast majority of readers. However, if you still wish to know my name etc then feel free to contact me if this will make you happy…Enough said…..
Well, this will be my last column for a few weeks as I'm leaving The Nest and heading way East to visit The Vulture Family and various other scavengers from my sordid past. In my absence I assume by now you will know what to do - be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, and try to make sure your god goes with you…oh, and for 'heaven's sake, don't forget to prey…best wishes, Turkey Vulture…..