#25 - June 22nd, 2005

No Jive-Turkey; no scandal-filled reports on the late night social scene in downtown Boonville and beyond; no 'Useful Word of the Week'; not even a 'Wine' or 'Whine of the Week' …No, although 'normal service' will be resumed next time, this week I have a real tale of life in the countryside which some of you may wish to hear… But before doing so I have to briefly respond to some recent comments made by two wayward fans….
In last week's A.V.A. there were some minor, gnat-like bites directed at my venerable yet vulnerable self by both the newspaper's own 'ms', in his droll section of the 'Valley Living' column, and also by Jay "Just to make a short story long" Williamson in the Letters Page. I fail to see why they bother. I am but a simple 'bird of prey' who wishes to both share some innocuous views of the Valley and also comment on various harmless episodes which occur on 'my patch'. The labored attempts of these two 'serious' writers to discredit me in some minuscule way are clearly acts which I will be filing away under the heading, "ungentlemanly conduct" and I will certainly be referring to them when we make the inevitable final approach towards Armageddon…..
I could not detect what salient point 'ms' was actually trying to make and I did feel his attempts to question my opinions about 'life on the road' were spurious at best. Those opinions came as a result of in-depth research over many hours spent each week driving along the highways and by-ways of Mendocino County. I feel that my observations on this topic, though sometimes cruel, are always fair. Other than that I feel gratified that despite his busy schedule of 'contributing in a major way' to the A.V.A., 'ms' is still able to find time to recall a number of my past remarks on this and other subjects. I can only assume that he will come to his senses, return to the fold, and eventually thank me later…..
As for Williamson, a.k.a. "The Tailgaters Friend", at one point in his soporific, somewhat abusive, and profanity-ridden diatribe he managed to make the point that my contribution, in the form of hack-writing for this esteemed organ, actually does have some worth …How kind…I always suspected he was a fan and a signed photograph of myself, slumped drunkenly besides a ''55 mph' speed limit sign, is on its way to him as I write…But I digress…Poor Jay - he has clearly spent many hours
with various people up his ass (when driving, I should add) and with so much free time he has been able to formulate numerous debatable opinions about life in Anderson Valley from his vantage point in Santa Rosa. Typically, with regard to these opinions, not to mention his characterizations of me personally and the vehicle I drive, Williamson's most recent comments couldn't have been further from the truth. Why am I not surprised at this ?
But enough of this gibberish….Last Wednesday it was already 74 F at 8.30 am on the deck at The Nest and after a few pints of strong coffee it continued to look like being a beautiful day - perfect for making some observations from a bird's eye view. I made my way along Mountain View Road to the County Dump. It was quiet up there allowing Ron the Dump Guy and myself to enjoy our usual riveting little talk about "this, that, and the other". At one point he informed me that the weather was just about to turn again. I was surprised. Ron explained, "Yes, Vulture, the guy who was leaving here just as you arrived says we are going to get over an inch of rain in the next two days."…and, as if to counter my look of disbelief and give greater weight to the prediction he added, "He's a dentist, you know". …Well, whatever his day job, the fellow was spot on and the resulting rainstorms left even the old time Valley folks scratching their heads trying to remember the last time we had such heavy rainfall so late in the year…..
However, that afternoon was a warm one…and a sad one too if you happened to one of the fifteen woolly, four-legged Valley dwellers who were due to bid farewell forever that very day to their young (six month old) male offspring. Yes, it was time for me to head up to the Yorkville Highlands to watch a Master Shepherd, his apprentice shepherd, one somewhat experienced border collie, and two younger, 'rookie' sheep dogs, all get together to separate the fifteen lambs from their mothers and send them on the first step of their journey to the dining tables of northern California.
On my arrival, a 'game-plan' was devised and the 'battle' commenced. It started off as it was to continue for most of the afternoon - i.e. badly for the shepherds and dogs. The flock, on seeing the approaching dogs and seemingly aware of their fate, immediately separated into three similar-sized groups of about twenty sheep and headed off to various far corners of the 160 acre ranch. A cunning plan if I do say so myself. Nevertheless some were retrieved fairly quickly and driven to the corral where the lambs were separated from their mothers and then split into male and female groups. The former were to go to the butcher whilst the females will remain on the ranch where they will soon be bred with the Shepherd's trusty Ram, thus providing next year's lamb dinners… Another group were cornered under a huge, impenetrable fig tree where they decided to stay despite the dogs' attempts to move them. Lots of shouting, clapping, and brave moves amongst the tangled branches by the dogs finally moved the sheep out and down the hill to the corral where they were separated. This had not been easy and had taken nearly an hour of hard toil to accomplish. The 'battle' was fairly even at this point but the shepherds and dogs were fading fast on tough terrain in the oppressive heat. Meanwhile, the remaining sheep and their lambs seemed strong and determined to 'win at all costs'…..
This third group of sheep, who had been watching from a distance of about 1/4 mile, now saw the young dog making it's outrun towards them. She was asked to do so by the shepherd whose experienced dog, having done most of the work at that stage, was exhausted and needed a break in the shade with some water. The sheep seemed to know they were dealing with a 'rookie' and immediately bolted in the opposite direction, disappearing over the hillsides and down the ravines, with the dog in pursuit. The 'fun' had just begun. The events which followed make a long, repetitive tale which needs more space than presently available. Suffice it to say, eventually, despite the exhausting efforts of the shepherds and the one remaining young dog, traipsing for miles over the land in a long, tiring, and ultimately fruitless search for the sheep and errant dog, it was finally decided that the sheep had 'won'. Never a pleasant thing to admit for any shepherd but the sheep often do 'claim victory' and many of those who work the flocks do not agree with the commonly held premise that "sheep are stupid"…..
Up to that point all the classic shepherding techniques had been tried and most had failed. The defeated shepherds had only one option - get the quad bike and search the ravines, creeks, woods, etc, by that method rather than continuing on foot. In practical terms this is o.k., it's just not the 'proper' way. Some twenty minutes later the "Gang of Twenty" and the 'lost' dog were located and the panting sheep were gradually driven down to the corral by the 'biker' and all three willing but fatigued dogs. The separation of mothers and offspring was performed far more successfully than any of the earlier exploits in the open fields and, with the job completed, the first beers of the day could be enjoyed - four hours after the 'battle' had begun.
After many hours spent in their company, it would appear to me that sheep often frustrate even the most experienced of shepherds and dogs. On this day of all days it was acceptable. It has been said by farmers that the greatest change in behavior of any animal is that witnessed in a ewe…Without a lamb they will be generally mellow and submissive but with a lamb at their side they are confrontational, strong-willed, and often quite aggressive - virtually a different being. On this hot day high in the hills their instincts and the resulting behavior, perhaps coupled with a sense of impending grief, led to some extra strong resilience from the ewes. It was always likely to be a tough 'battle' - one in which even the wise shepherds and their tireless working dogs were destined to be second best…Yes, today the Ewes were definitely #!…Bless them… and their doomed offspring…..
As we guzzled a beer, The Master Shepherd, with a glint in his eye, commented, "My good Vulture, we may be big celebrities, earning massive wages with shepherd groupies watching our athletic moves and hanging on our every word but, as you witnessed today, it's not all glamour "…..It had been a special day in many ways and I was almost as tired as the sweaty 'celebrities' and their mud-covered dogs who now all headed home. However, I was still very thirsty so I headed for The AV. Brewery Tasting Room where I gulped down five pints of Police Gold Pale Ale in less than two hours before being driven home to The Nest by a concerned citizen. This had been a splendid day in the country - ya got love it…..
Now I ask that we all prey….
…Kind regards, Turkey Vulture of Lamb Chop City …
turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net