#33 - August 17th, 2005

Greetings one and all !…It gives me great pleasure to... but more of that some other time….Meanwhile this past Saturday I had planned to be at The Hangar Party on Airport Road and offer some advice on various flying techniques to the numerous pilots in attendance. Unfortunately, I was unavoidably detained up here at The Nest by a 'lady ' Vulture who urgently required my services and thus I failed to get there…However, I have since spoken to numerous friends who did show up and apparently the pilots managed perfectly well without me and gave many thrills to those who were given rides up and down the Valley in their planes. One such thrill-seeker told me excitedly, " I had sucked down a few beers but I was sober enough to take some photographs. It was just great to look down and see the Valley from up there." He then thoughtfully, yet mournfully, added, " I wish I was a Turkey Vulture and could do this every day". I handed him a cold beer, put my wing around him, and whispered in a comforting tone, " I am and I do, but it's not all glamour, you know". This seemed to help.… The pot luck dinner which followed was also a big success and I have been asked to pass on the appreciation of many to those who organized this community-wide and unique event…I am determined not to miss it next year - no matter how tempted I may be to come to the aid of a Vulturess in distress…..
"Signs that Armageddon is approaching" : Two signs have surfaced in the past week, both arriving on my desk via unconfirmed reports out of the White House - # 104…'The White House denied rumors of wrongdoing by anyone named Karl Rove Monday, saying the alleged deputy chief of staff does not exist'….And # 105… 'President Bush unveiled an aggressive initiative Monday that would make the U.S. free of petroleum dependence by the year 4920, less than three millennia from now'.
If you are a non-demanding, easy-to-please man living in the Valley and looking for love/companionship then you perhaps you'd be interested to meet this prospective partner from a recent Personals column. She writes - 'Philo woman, a known trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and obnoxious after a few rum and cokes, seeks handsome, wealthy gentleman for bail purposes, maybe more"…It would appear that our "obnoxious" friend is not exactly someone to set the heart a flutter for most of us but, as I've said many times before, "we get all kinds up here" and perhaps for one of the local menfolk she fits their 'perfect woman' criteria perfectly …..
Speaking of "all kinds", if his latest letter/small novel is to be believed, the snail-pace driving of 'Blue' Jay Williamson of Santa Rosa will apparently continue on our roads and highways, along with his decision to not pull-over to allow others to pass. Many of you who have trudged through his dire letters to the A.V.A. will no doubt agree that he speaks through his corybungus but I, for one, do not believe that he is a bad person. Nevertheless, I do fear for his mental well-being. His recent litany of gibberish and tiresome tirade against my good self was not unexpected but one can only wonder where it will end. With that in mind, if anything "untoward" should happen to me I trust that you, my loyal readers, will inform the local sheriff of the "obvious suspect". Clearly, at this point, he is suffering from a severe case of …(continued on page 74)…..
Latest from the Sports Desk…..I visited the Yorkville Highlands this past week and witnessed a grueling battle featuring The Shepherds and Four Dogs against The Flock. Up there in High Roller Country it was very hot and this resulted in some aggressive defense from the experienced and belligerent ewes. By the second half this proved too much for the exhausted dogs and their sweaty, beer-less handlers and The Flock went on to secure a deserved 2-1 victory. As the victors relaxed in and around the spring-fed stream, gently munching on some green grass, they were clearly ewephoric (Sorry !)…..
Meanwhile as the N.F.L. pre-season continues we are treated to the insufferable comments and actions of Philadelphia Eagle wide receiver, Tyrell Owens, who one year after signing a contract giving him $49 million over seven years wants to renegotiate. Aren't you sick to death of these ego-driven athletes talking about the lack of respect they get and how much money they need in order to support their family ? I'd rather kiss a bear's ass than hear or read one more comment from this particular self-obsessed jerk. I have good friends in San Francisco who owned a bbq chicken and ribs joint which was popular amongst a number of the Bay Area sports personalities at one time. Their Grandmother worked there behind the counter well into her seventies and was quite a character with her wise-cracks and comments about the customers. On Friday nights they had an "all-you-can-eat' special and her weekly observation was always the same, "Damn !…Peoples greedy !"…Do you think that perhaps former S.F. 49er Terrell Owens was a regular on those nights ?
Still on the sports' beat, I checked in at the fields behind the High School last Thursday and witnessed the boys' football and soccer squads scrimmaging in preparation for their upcoming seasons. Under Coach Schreider's wise guidance the football team is shaping up nicely, while the soccer program will feature both a Varsity and Junior Varsity team this year. Coaches Smith and Sparks are optimistic about the chances of the Varsity team regaining the League Title it lost last year and, if the team's potential is fully realized, perhaps even going a long way in the regional play-offs. They informed me that the first game of any significance will take place this coming Saturday evening (August 20th) at The Fairgrounds in Boonville at 6.30pm when the skilful and very fit Varsity team will face an Alumni Team of recent graduates determined not to be outdone by the youngsters. I'll be there and hopefully you will too…..
This week's Useful Word is the splendid "crawthumpers" (kraw-thump-urrs), meaning "religious fanatics"…For example, "I find it hard to accept the explanation by various crawthumpers that the terrorist acts around the world are done in the name of 'God' "…Or perhaps you might have heard it used in these parts, as in, "I'm not saying that the Valley is full of atheists or pagans but you rarely see or hear many crawthumpers around here"…..
On that note I bid you good tidings and believe it's only appropriate for me to say, "Let us prey"…..Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture (turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net)…..
P.S. On a personal note…A border collie died in the Valley this past week. He had recently turned fifteen years old - a great age for this type of dog but then he was a great and very special border collie. Bing was his name and over the decades that I have been involved with this most intelligent of breeds I have never known a smarter dog, nor one who was more intuitive about human behavior. So much so that, since he was a young pup, I cannot recall once having to discipline him - he just knew what was required and how to go about it. He was never a problem and had great 'dog integrity', being respectful of other dogs and their boundaries, always 'playing fair', never causing difficulties, and very accepting of everything…
…But most of all he loved to interact with humans. Not only did he know much of what I was saying and the mood I was in, but he would sit waiting, watching, listening for my next words or instructions; his stare fixed on me, eager, expecting, loving…He was always pleased to see me and be at my side - a special friend and most wonderful companion. At ten weeks old he was welcomed into the home and over the next fifteen years was given much love and attention. In return he gave us everything his brilliant mind and huge heart could offer - I believe we got the better of the deal… He will be missed so very much….."Thanks for the many precious times and eternal memories, Bing. It was a privilege to be your guardian on Earth and to play a part in your 'walk' through life…We will be bonded together forever, wherever……R.I.P., son"..….