#36 - September 7th, 2005

Greetings to one and all. Let's start this week on the topic of 'the pursuit of love'…I'm assuming that a number of you out there missed the following piece in a recent 'Personals column' so please read on… "Single white male from the Boonville area in a dead-end job seeks dumpy neurotic for mutual psychological torture, tepid sex, and co-dependency. I enjoy drinking, smoking, pornography, and self-righteous indignation. I'm 40, but look 50 and feel 60. I can't stand movies, and the last album I bought was The Marshall Tucker Band's Greatest Hits. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless facts, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.
"My perfect night would include getting hammered in a sleazy bar while you flirt with seedy old drunks, followed by an embarrassing screaming match. I would be open to an unsatisfying fling that leaves me filled with regret and dread but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into booze and pills. No friendships. I don't need any goddamn friends….Serious replies only, please."…..
Wow ! Quite a catch, eh ?… But surely he would have been snapped up quicker than someone like Gloria Steinem could say, "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle"…..
Moving on…Recently I attended a most enjoyable evening at The Golden Eye Winery just south of Philo. The winery had kindly invited numerous Tasting Room Staff from other wineries to taste their wines and 'devour' (in my case) the fine food. Naturally, anytime there is an event of this nature I have "a quiet word" with some of the 'movers and shakers' around here and secure my own invitation. It was a perfect summer evening, the wines delicious, the crowd vibrant, and the only negative aspect of the event was unfortunately a discussion concerning a recent comment in the A.V.A. This had appeared in the 'Valley People" section a few weeks ago and it tried to make a direct comparison between the obvious damage done to individuals by methamphetamines and the apparent harm caused to whole communities by the Winery business. I'm not sure who wrote this stuff, one of the usual suspects from the Anti-Fun Brigade I assume, but seriously, aren't a large majority of the people living here in some way positively effected by the winery/brewery business or have loved ones or family members who are ? Sometimes I am at a loss as to why these particular commercial ventures are continually targeted…Is there an objective reason for this ?… I think we should be told…..
On my visit to The County Dump outside Boonville one afternoon last week, my good buddy, Ron the Dump Guy, was in a bit of a quandary. People had been paying the minimum $2.75 charge with $20 bills all day long and he was now out of $5 and $10 bills. As a result, anyone with a $20 was getting singles for their change and obviously these were also running out quickly…Poor Ron needs $20 bills like he needs a dead animal to deal with, so in future please try to turn up with smaller bills if you could. Ron's a good man and he'd appreciate your efforts…And while I'm thinking about The Dump, which I like to do, let me just remind you that the new hours are now in effect. From September 1st they are open from 9am to 4pm, four days a week - Tuesday, Wednesday, and at weekends…Knock yourselves out !…..
Well the good news is that the introduction of the controversial "Three Sentence Rule" to The Valley social scene is clearly going very well. For those who may not be aware, this "rule" is to be applied in a social situation when a speaker is "making a short story long" for their listeners. At the point when insufferable boredom has been reached, one of the long-suffering audience holds up three fingers and the speaker gracefully ends the 'soliloquy' and everyone, including the offender, has a good laugh. (Please note that the "three sentence" length is an arbitrary amount and is not meant as a firm rule, merely a rough guideline - trust me, you'll know when to raise your fingers)…And incidentally, I have kindly offered to buy a beer for my listeners if I personally ever receive the "Three Fingers"…
With that in mind, as I was driving out of the Philo Post Office parking lot last Thursday, I passed Scott "I'm a Scotsman" Fraser, who is not only still recuperating from his recent collision with the "rotten entrails of a possum" but is also the son-in-law of A.V.A. Supremo, David Severn. On seeing me and hearing my brief greeting, "Hi, Scott, how are you doing?", he unhesitatingly gave me the "Three Fingers" and announced, "You owe me a beer, Vulture". Wow, what a "rule-abiding" citizen Fraser must be - I had no idea…Had I been too verbose with my six-word salutation ? Perhaps a simple nod of the head may be all that the busy Mr. Fraser prefers ? Either way, I feel his inference that my greeting was "making a short story long" was a little harsh. Despite this, as I've said many times before, I may be cruel but I'm always fair and so I look forward to buying a beer for Scott the next time I see him in, around, or leaning against a bar…..
Talking of drinking establishments, as I do, I would imagine that there were quite a few of the "usual suspects" with heavy heads last Saturday morning after what can only be described as "a very good drink" on Friday night at The T.R. ( A.V. Brewery Tasting Room). It was a sign of the time of year and the long holiday weekend that there were as many Brightlighters as local folks in attendance and the beers were flowing both extremely well and very rapidly with the T.R. Manager and top bartender, Todd "I could do with a drink" Capuzelo, at the top of his game. It was 10pm when I finally made my exit (to be driven home by a concerned citizen, I should add) and, with Moya's Taco Stand once again the only place in town open for food at that hour, we stopped and enjoyed the friendly atmosphere amongst the crowd of hungry but soon-to-be-satisfied customers lined up alongside the van in downtown Boonville. On that note I have it on good authority that sometime this week, just in time for the start of the N.F.L. season, we will see the introduction of pizza at The T.R. This will not only add a vital ingredient to an evening spent there but in addition, with hot food being made available, by the terms of the license, wine can now also be served …and I know "yer gotta like that !"…..
On a further food note the dinner special at The Boonville Hotel, which offers a three course dinner at a $28 fixed price with, most importantly, no corkage fee, will resume on both Wednesdays and Thursdays next week (14th and 15th). With so many wonderful wines around here this "no corkage fee" is a deal to be taken advantage of by those of you in the mood for a 'fine-dining' experience…And that leads me very neatly into the Wine of the Week…..
Up here at The Nest last Sunday afternoon a small group of local citizens, both upstanding and outstanding, who on occasion have had trouble standing, assembled for drinks and in-depth discussion, in that order. After all it was Labor Day weekend and at some point these people had all worked hard so it was deemed appropriate that to celebrate the holiday weekend a magnum of 1994 L'Ermitage Brut sparkling wine from Roederer Estate here in The Valley (and France) was put on ice before its unveiling for the group's enjoyment.…"Wow !!"…Yes, I said "Wow !"…This stuff was special…"God bless the French", I also said - something you don't hear that often anywhere. Served with Aidell's chicken sausage with artichoke and garlic it was delicious…and when paired with popcorn (and that's not just me, many 'experts' have agreed - I'm serious) it was "world class"…I really thought you should know and you can thank me later if you wish…..
Now it's time for the Whine of the Week…well…I don't have one. All is going according to plan here in Vulture Land, so I will simply say, "Let us prey"…kind regards, Turkey Vulture…..