#37 - September 14th, 2005

In my continuing attempts to help with the 'dating game' in and around these parts, I now offer the latest "desirable bachelor" for your perusal…"Heavy drinker,35, Yorkville area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his beer, cigarettes, and starting fights in bars at two o'clock in the morning."…Don't get caught in the rush !…..
Two items of 'Enlightening News' from my intrepid reporters 'embedded' in the Nation's Capital…
Firstly, 'The Senate Armed Services Committee issued a rebuke of the International Red Cross Monday, accusing the organization of wartime non-profiteering. "The Red Cross is exploiting the current conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan to extend its money-losing influence over international medical aid and emergency relief," said Chairman John Warner (R-VA). "Whatever their stated mission, the Red Cross exists only to fatten its blood banks and care packages." The accusations come only weeks after Iraqi officials accused the International Red Crescent, the IRC's Muslim branch, of masterminding multiple acts of humaniterrorism….'
And even more enlightening perhaps…'During a Monday press conference, President George "It has been brought to my attention that there was recently a bad storm" Bush repeatedly interrupted the question-and-answer period to seek out praise from the press corps. Still seemingly ignorant of the enormity of the disaster to have hit the Gulf coast, he ranted, "Man, that Social Security speech I gave last night, people are saying that might be one of my best ones yet", before pausing and raising his eyebrows expectantly at the correspondents in the front row. "Yep, sure felt like I nailed it... So..." …Getting no bites, Bush changed the subject, mentioning that he picked out his own suit for the conference, but wasn't really sure if it looked good on him…..'
Moving on...Reading the 'Valley People' section of this newspaper over the past couple of weeks it has come to my attention that I am accused of being "green" (naïve) when it comes to a number of issues in The Valley. I can't argue with that…Just as a "withered brown" mindset exists amongst some in this area, the contrasting presence of the "refreshing greenery" of myself and many others is certainly in no doubt - all part of the rich tapestry of Anderson Valley, wouldn't you say ? For that I am glad, but rather a "Refreshing Greenie" than a "Withered Brownie" in my book, and, whilst I am a huge fan of tradition, I do like the idea of some subtle changes (and some not so subtle) if they in any way improve the everyday socialization in, and enjoyment of, The Valley…..
Besides all this, the particular 'attacks' on my "greenness" were a little off target. Firstly, knowing that there are a number of people in The Valley who are adept at "making a short story long" is actually something I have long been aware of and it is not, as my detractors suggest, a state of affairs that I have just discovered…Secondly, regarding my recent "green" (naïve) defense of the wineries, I simply questioned the remarks, again in the Valley People' section, which directly compared the wineries' 'evil-doings' in our community to the damage done to individuals by methamphetamines… Along with many other avid A.V.A. readers with whom I have spoken on this matter, I found this comparison ridiculous……
However, and not for the first time, for some reason "ms", the newspaper's 'major contributor' and thus leading "Enforcer" on the esteemed organ of A.V.A. supremo, Mr.Severn, concerned himself with a completely different issue in his reply. He failed to address my comments, preferring instead to rant about the actions of The Duckhorn Winery (a.k.a. Golden Eye here in The Valley). This rant is perfectly acceptable of course but it was not relevant to the question I had raised. Is this some sort of "attention deficit post traumatic syndrome tendency" on the part of "ms" ? (Hopefully not as he generally seems to be a pleasant fellow.) May be he just decided to avoid explaining the bizarre comparison made by "somebody" in the A.V.A. hierarchy ?…Either way, I think we should be told…..
Enough of this bickering…It's time to reflect on a pleasant couple of hours I spent last Thursday evening. Firstly, I thoroughly enjoyed the scene at the High School with both the boys and girls soccer and the J.V. Football teams all practicing hard. The football program will only be competing at the J.V. level this year. This is disappointing of course but on hearing the sound reasoning by Coach Schrider it certainly seems to be the only way to go, given the players available. They open their schedule at The Fairgrounds in Boonville this Friday, September 17th in The Apple Bowl, a traditional opener to The Mendocino County Fair… I was very aware that the N.F.L. season was starting that evening and so I left the practice fields to catch the the kick-off at The T.R. (A.V. Brewery Tasting Room) or, as some now refer to it, Gotham - "a village known for the oddness of its inhabitants" (Webster's Encyclopedic Dictionary)…..
T.R. Manager, Todd "The Joker" Capuzzelo, was on top of things as usual behind the bar with pizza (yes, pizza !) being served - I wasn't hungry (!?!?) so my evaluation will have to wait… Wine was also available for the first time in Gotham !... A few regulars were in attendance plus an interesting group of attractive twenty-somethings from the Solar"Institute in Hopland, not to mention Peter Suddeth, long-time brewery employee and "Robin" to owner Ken Allen's "Batman". Peter was less concerned with the Oakland/New England match-up and more interested in having someone explain to him an aspect of the Theory of Relativity which he couldn't quite grasp. Kim "Catwoman" Allen seemed amused at his consternation whilst I ( "The Penguin") offered some words of "wisdom". Peter wasn't satisfied and shortly thereafter left the proceedings with a puzzled look on his face, muttering, "Holy underwear, where's Einstein when you need him ?"…..
I departed shortly after and as dusk approached I drove through downtown Boonville and enjoyed the friendly greetings of numerous locals out and about on a beautiful evening. These smiling, waving citizens included KZYX's Burton Segal at Moya's Taco stand - a wise man indeed; downtown residents Robert and Dee Dee as they walked to their hangout behind The Redwood Drive-In; Anna Kamitses (new science teacher at the High School) and Bridget Reilly (marketing guru at The Brewery, not to mention a wearer of many other hats) who were walking along together, deep in conversation with Jake the Dog at their side; and a number of people outside The Boonville Lodge who shall remain nameless…What a lovely place in which to live, I thought…and this was emphasized moments later when I glanced at the brown bag in the passenger seat beside me and remembered that inside were a few ears of sweet fresh corn. These are the best I have ever eaten and they were from The A.V. Farm Supply where Dave Gowan picks them every morning. Go on, treat yourself to some - you deserve it and can thank me later…..
No Whine nor Wine of the Week; no Useful Word either - hey I'm sure you've noticed the sharp increase in the fresh carrion on Hwy 128 in the past few days so I've been very busy cleaning up…But I still have time to propose an exciting idea - "let us prey !"…May your god go with you and stay out of the ditches…..Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…..