#53 - January 11th, 2006

You may be unaware of this but I’m sure you’ll be fascinated to discover that we Turkey Vultures get very excited when the magical words, “the hare is on the move” are passed along to us via our complicated communication network. Shortly thereafter, we will gather to see rabbits/hares running scared along the Valley’s back roads, invariably closely followed by a vehicle of some kind. For reasons known only unto themselves the hares seem to have some difficulty in taking the plunge and leaving the road for the safety of the brush at the side of the road and the fields beyond. As a result the inevitable often occurs with one positive result –a very tasty meal for us…Well, it would appear that we are not the only ones who get excited when this phrase is used to signify impending high drama. A distinguished gentleman, Alan Brummie, who was recently visiting the Valley from England and who is a retired fireman (firefighter to us), informed me that, where he is from, as the fire-fighting trucks begin their journey to the location of an emergency, the words “the hare is on the move” are sent out over the airwaves…The tension and excitement grow; the adrenalin flows. There is a job to do…I like that. Firefighters and Turkey Vultures – “they’re good people”, I have to say…..
Cockamamie County #126: I know from personal experience that trying to get to Santa Rosa is not easy for the average Turkey Vulture with transport problems. This situation is not helped by the local bus service, going by the grandiose name of the Mendocino Transit Authority (M.T.A.), that has managed to devise a schedule which, every weekday, gets its passengers from Gualala and all the ‘hotspots’, including Philo and Boonville, to Ukiah by 10.30am. This is wonderful for those wishing to go no further but it is unfortunately ten minutes too late to make the connection with the Santa Rosa bus. Are they trying to keep us within the County boundary for some devious reason or is this just bad planning? I managed to speak with veteran M.T.A. bus driver, Vernon McNamee, as he made his stop at The Redwood Drive-In in Boonville where I was enjoying a little chat with Ducklips at the counter. He said he’d look into this peculiar set of circumstances but I have to say I’m not holding my breath for any changes. “Thanks anyway, Vern – hope you enjoyed that cheese Danish you bought from Ducklips – you didn’t eat and drive did you?”…..
Cockamamie County #127: Ron the Dump guy was very kind, not to mention efficient, to hand me the latest public notice of the fees and hours of operation for solid waste disposal at The County Dump just outside Boonville. Shortly afterwards, I stopped at the Philo Post Office and, as I waited in the short line, I checked out the new Dump prices on the sheet I’d been given. Did you know that it is now $3 for a 33-gallon container (an increase of 25c) but if you have an extra container you get a break on the price at $5.75 for the two? Good deal, eh? However, don’t think about bringing a third can. For some unknown reason the price rate goes in the opposite direction and this will cost you $9.25 for the three. If you’ve nothing else to do you can talk to the ‘genius’ behind this gobbledygook by calling 707-463-4078…F.Y.I., the hours of operation at The Dump are 9am – 4pm, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday…and don’t forget to say “hi” to Ron – it’s not his fault…
And, while I’m on a roll, here is #128: As a result of all the rain last week there were many road closures and, as I had mentioned in this column just prior to the storms, to find out where these were situated you could call 1-800-GAS-ROAD (427-7623). With conditions worsening, at 7pm last Monday evening I phoned this number before setting out from The Nest for a couple of “conversationals” at The Brewery Tasting Room. I’m sure everyone was doing their best at the organizations concerned but hearing ”Due to technical difficulties we are unable to play a report of road conditions at this time” was not at all helpful…..
Talking of difficulties, I am very sad, from both a personal and community standpoint, to report that this year’s Crab Feed, held every year at The Apple Hall in Boonville, has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. I’m not sure how I will cope…This excellent event raised money for the local Catholic Church and featured all-you-can-eat crab, a delicious Caesar’s salad, and fresh, crispy bread, served with some of the finest local wine. I spoke to Gloria Ross, who is at the forefront of the “Feed’s” organizing committee, and she informs me that due to many issues (poor crab season, absence of key organizing personnel, a new Church Committee currently being formed) this very popular event has been called off. She feels bad - a number of people had already inquired about tickets for the always sold out event. It really is a shame as the gathering was perhaps the best of its kind in the Valley with a greater cross-section of our community in attendance than at any other function. Gloria assures me that they will be back in 2007 and in the meantime they hope to have an “Italian Feast” instead, sometime in the late Spring…Sorry for being the bearer of such bad news…..
With all this negative stuff in this week’s column, you must be quite depressed by now. Don’t worry, make a visit to the Philo Post and be cheered up by Joe and Sheila behind the counter – two of the finest Post Office employees I have ever known….And, if the lovely Ann Carr is also working, then you really are in for a treat. “Going postal” is a good thing in these parts!.....
A couple of weeks ago in the Valley People section of the paper I read with interest about the upcoming new business venture of Debbie Young. She plans to give horse rides along the trails up in the hills and woods at the end of Gschwend Road and along the ridges above the DeepEnd. Debbie is a good young woman with a great love of and respect for horses - and she knows those trails as well as anyone. I wish her well and echo the sentiments of last week’s article which pointed out that there are indeed “some very interesting sights” to be seen in that particular region of the Valley. I couldn’t possibly comment any further…..
As long as we’re back in a good mood, I may as well throw a cat among the pigeons and report on an unsavory incident I was privy to last weekend on a visit to the increasingly confrontational and ‘edgy’ city of Ess Eff…I overheard the following conversation as I flew along Polk Street…A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street when a teenage boy passed in front of them…I distinctly heard the priest say, “I’d like to screw that boy!”…To which the rabbi immediately replied, “Out of what?”……….I just thought you should know …God bless the Catholics and Jews…and everyone else for that matter…Oh, come on now, get over yourselves – that’s just a little piece of irreverent, politically incorrect, religious, socio-political, adult humor, with the merest hint of truth…Smile, walk away, and may your god go with you…..
Well I think that’s quite enough for this week. What with the emphasis on County Government inefficiencies; news of cancelled crab feeds; and tasteless, politically incorrect ‘humor’, I have probably “rattled enough cages” for now… I’ll get my coat, shall I?... I’ll fly quietly out the back way and head for The Nest …But first, “let us prey”…humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…..
p.s. The hare is on the move…..
p.p.s. “County Road workers clear the way!” – Full story next week…..