#54 - January 18th, 2006

Greetings one and all…For your reading enjoyment this week I have two more ‘colloquialisms’ from the Old World. Firstly, a noble and important citizen of the former Empire of Great Britain was a recent visitor to our Valley. It was Lord Ned of Warwickshire. He had an excellent time in Nor Cal and found everything here “very nice; very different”…However, after a minor incident with a particularly officious meter maid in Ess Eff (too predictable and boring to go into now), he informed me that in his part of the world they have a name for such people. You know the type – the employee who always toes the company line or refuses to waiver from his/her job description in any way whatsoever – even if such an action would be beneficial for all concerned. This kind of person is referred to as a “jobsworth”, as in, “I’m sorry I can’t do that; it would be more than my job’s worth”…I assume everyone of you knows a jobsworth – I know far too many, I’m sorry to say…Thanks for the useful term, your Lordship, it will get plenty of use I’m sure…..
…And secondly, I am delighted to have dug up an old favorite of mine from that tome of Irish wisdom, “Cusackisms”, originally published by ‘Somethin’ like an Egg’ Publications back in 1980. This collection of humorous, useful, and offbeat phrases was compiled by Mr. Michael Cusack Sr. of County Mayo in the west of Ireland. I have mentioned the book before in this space and today I can offer the splendid, “high shteppin’” for your edification. This phrase is to be used when pointing out someone who has clearly had too much to drink. It is derived, ingeniously, from the exaggerated high steps taken by a person desperately trying not to trip over any obstacles, such as outstretched legs in a bar or the sidewalks outside, as they try to cover up the fact that they are very, very drunk…e.g. “Oh, Jesus, Murphy, you’re high shteppin’ tonight, aren’t ya?”…..
Talking of abuse of the mind and body brings me to the lifestyle of our Narcotics Correspondent, Charlie Cuckoo, who has been up for seventy-two hours straight in his attempt to get his report to my office, via The Onion on-line magazine, before the A.V.A. deadline...Here is what he has come up with…˜The South American nation of Bolivia was inducted into the Development Organization of Powder-Exporting Countries Monday. "As the world's third-largest producer of coca, we are pleased to join Colombia, Peru, Mexico, and other proud nations in economic partnership," said Sonia Atala, Bolivia's minister of opiates. "Only by working together can we assure ourselves of continued expansion into foreign markets." The move was opposed by the U.S., DOPEC's largest customer, on the grounds that further price increases and supply restriction would create long lines at dealerships.”…Good work, Charlie, but is that all you came up with in seventy-two hours? Some would say this is simply the drug-addled reporting of one my overpaid and under-worked minions. I think they may have something there…..
Now it’s time for some ‘Local Quickies’…Last week I pointed out a number of ‘inefficiencies’ I had recently observed on the part of local government in these parts – dump fees; transit timetables; phone recordings announcing road closure not working. However, I always try to be fair, if sometimes a little cruel, so this week I should definitely bring your attention to the sterling work performed by the road workers who cleared the fallen tree blocking Gschwend Road near the DeepEnd during the storm on the Friday before last. Hayes and Linda Brennan reported the problem and within two hours the road was re-opened. Amazing for such a relatively little used road…Good job, guys!.....
Next up – People I’d enjoy Preying with - #3: Local Voice of Reason, Ross Murray. He does a superb job with his social/political commentaries on the Valley’s public radio station. Tune in to KZYX at 90.7 fm on Wednesday evenings around 6.25pm– you will not be disappointed. Keep it up, Ross!.....
Now it’s on to fellow A.V.A. contributor, Bruce Patterson. Previously I have mentioned the fact that his excellent book, “Walking Tractor and other tales of Old Anderson Valley” was not available in many locations. Well, lo and behold, it’s now available at The A.V. Brewery Tasting Room…Good work, BrucePat – today the Valley, tomorrow the World!.....
It gives me great pleasure - but more of that next week, perhaps…Meanwhile, I am particularly happy to see that the latest publication of the Anderson Valley Phone Directory has finally been published. Not before time – the last one was for 2000! Many thanks to the contributors, particularly The A.V. High School Advanced Computer Class, for their efforts in putting together this very useful booklet. The Directory is available at Lemons’ Market in Philo (and numerous other places I’m sure) but it will cost you $10.99 – not the $8.75 originally advertised in their window on a poster, which was hastily removed when I pointed out this misleading information…..
Talking of posters in Lemons’ window, I was certainly impressed by the eye-catching notice announcing the Saturday night event at Lauren’s featuring the surfin’ sounds of The Mermen. I was unable to attend but people have told me that the band always puts on a great show - I’m sure everyone had a wonderful time. Oh, and before I forget, “Well done” to Lauren’s for once again bringing a positive scene to the Valley…..
And finally in the ‘Local Quickie’ section for this week – The Buzz…. Everywhere I go The Buzz is all about the re-opening of the bar formerly known as The Buckhorn Saloon. Jason and Anna Schrider-Kamitses are in the process of hiring top people; making numerous interior improvements; creating a new menu with the emphasis on quality American comfort food over a wide range of prices; selecting a comprehensive beer list which will include six brews from the A.V. Brewery; and firming up ideas which will ensure that as many of the various people in the Valley as possible have a comfortable place to enjoy with friends…Tourists will obviously be welcomed too but the locals’ attendance is viewed as an important contribution for the success of the new venture…..
And the all-important name of the new bar?...I can now reveal, almost exclusively, that it shall henceforth be known as…..”The Highpockety Ox”…A fine name, I have to say, with it’s excellent pairing of local dialect (“Highpockety” is Boontling for classy, refined, fancy) combined with the name of an animal which has been a definitive way of naming drinking establishments for centuries…”See you at The Ox” sounds like sweet music to my ears anyway…..
Next week in ‘Local Quickies’, I shall endeavor to give you the lowdown on another new establishment. This one is also in downtown Boonville and will be opening where Glad’s Café was situated …Furthermore, a little bird with big ears has informed me about another major landmark business in the downtown area is also possibly changing hands…As regular readers may expect - I couldn’t possibly comment…..
”Aaaah, new businesses, innovative ideas, fresh stimulations… what is our world coming to?”, I hear certain people despairingly cry when hearing about these changes. Well, let me ease their concerns by pointing out that we have been dealing competently with such things for some time now – probably since we evolved! (if you believe in such things)…We’ll be o.k. - trust me on this; you’ll thank me later…..
Enough!...I have people to do and things to see…But before I take my leave we have something important to perform…”Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture.....