#57 - February 8th, 2006

The Supreme Commander here at The Anderson Valley Advertiser has decided that, with a new “leaner and meaner A.V.A”, contributors will have to cut back on the size of their columns, no matter how popular they may or may not be. Whilst I understand the reasoning behind this request I will not accept any responsibility for the public outcry and street demonstrations that will undoubtedly ensue as a result of “less Turkey Vulture”. I may be a “hack writer” who has been known to concern himself with basic local lifestyle issues (eating and drinking) and the occasional irreverent discussion but often it’s all that many readers want from their A.V.A. experience…..
I cover my numerous topics briefly; I get in and I get out as it were. This is in contrast to the “heavier” readings other, more accomplished writers bring to the page – both have their place I would like to think. It’s unfortunate that with less space I will now have to disrupt the usual free flow of banter as I attempt to adhere to a restrictive word count…Regardless, I will endeavor to do my best and continue to concentrate mostly on the Anderson Valley matters not covered by others – I know that’s all many of you want to read about anyway. The good news is that loyal readers with Internet access can still read a complete, unabridged version of “A Bird’s Eye View” each week. It’s not quite the same as reading it in a newspaper but check it out at either www.turkeyvulture.net or www.theturkeyvulture.blogspot.com …Meanwhile, “don’t let the bastards get you down” (Turkey Vulture, 2006) and “Keep the faith”….
On to less distressing matters...Following an article in Valley People last week in which certain overtly sexual schoolgirls’ ‘fashions’ were criticized, I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly. Although I am not prepared to deny that a glimpse of a woman’s g-string/thong above her low-cut jeans is always a pleasant sight, I have to stress the word ‘woman’ in this scenario. Now I am obviously applying double standards here but I’m a just a normal, red-blooded bird of prey so find it in your hearts to forgive me. Besides, when a high school student presents that same ‘look’, it really is inappropriate, somewhat sad, and downright silly. (I have similar feelings about numerous other modes of dress exhibited by boys and girls alike when at school). Surely this is against the school’s dress code. If so, why isn’t it being enforced? I think we should be told….
Moving from g-strings and thongs to another one of my favorite topics – The County Dump on Mountain View Road just west of Boonville…I made a flying visit there last week and as I was leaving Ron the Dump Guy thrust some leaflets into my hand. Unfortunately it was not a change in the laws regarding the dumping of dead animals but nevertheless it was something I feel you need to know - a list of items which can no longer be disposed at The Dump after February 8th, 2006. These include dry cell batteries, fluorescent light tubes and bulbs, thermostats and anything containing mercury such as water heaters, barometers, thermometers, etc. All of these MUST be dealt with by the Mendocino Waste Management Authority and left at their Hazmobile Program – 707-468-9704 or www.mendorecycle.org…The following electronic devices can be recycled at The Dump at no charge - computers, printers, VCR’s, cell phones, telephones, answering machines, radios, microwave ovens, etc…Remember, all of this is effective from February 9t - Ron will be watching you, and perhaps I will too…..
Now that wasn’t a very exciting paragraph, was it?…I’m disappointed, The Dump is usually such a fun discussion. Nevertheless, I hope it is not edited out as people need to know this stuff…..
Valley Folk I’d Prey with…# 5 - Dick Sands, our affable Senior Center Bus Driver and master of many trades. As pointed out in these pages just last week by Charmian, Dick is courteous, polite, and on time! He seems to have a smile for everyone and a quip for every occasion. Particularly popular amongst the ladies of The Valley, when Dick is on the job you can be sure everyone is going to have a good time. Yes, I’d prey with him any day….So Dick, on behalf of many folks in The Valley, may I pass on a big “thank you”. Keep it up!.....
Shopping Tip #32: The excellent new (2005-06) Anderson Valley phone directory, produced by the High School Computer Class, can be found at numerous outlets in The Valley. I’ve yet to see it priced less than $8.75 which is the current price at Jack’s Valley Store just north of downtown Philo. Don’t delay; they’re selling out fast….
Onward…I briefly watched a television documentary the other evening in which I heard Britain’s Prince Charles utter the words, “She was madly generous”. He was referring to his grandmother, The Queen Mother, who died a couple of years ago. I thought it was a strange phrase and I really like it but it does not qualify for the “Useful Phrase of the Week” because, not being a member of the British monarchy who speak in that peculiar way, I cannot imagine ever using it, which is too bad…Speaking of the Royal Family, rumors continue to surface regarding the sexual preferences of Charles’ youngest brother, Prince Edward. He has been married for some years now but let’s be honest, what does that prove?
Actually, I personally don’t care whether Edward is “light on his feet” as Lord Ned of Warwickshire might say, or if he “plays for the other side”, as many other Brits may delicately put it. Similarly, I would be indifferent to news that he is ‘shagging’ his attractive wife from dusk to dawn every night. Whatever he does behind the castle gates is fine with me - he’ll no doubt be pleased to hear that. In fact, I have no strong opinions on any of the current monarchy although I have admired a few of their ilk in the past I must say…Henry “pass me another chicken” the Eighth comes to mind, as does Richard “you can’t prove I killed my nephews” the Third…Not to mention the lovely Lady Diana – “cor, blimey, she was a bit of alright”…Now that's certainly a trio one can imagine having quite an interesting evening with - if eating, villainy, and attractive women are your thing…..
Well that’s all there is space for but surely, before “they” drag me away screaming and begging, I will be allowed to offer you those magical words, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…..
p.s. My Super Bowl “stone cold lock” prediction that Pittsburgh would win by more than a field goal was cruelly edited out of last week’s column. You could have won quite a chunk of change if you’d known, eh? Voice your complaints to the editor. His home number is… (Continued on page 74)…..