# 98 - February 20th, 2008

Greetings one and all…As any self-respecting Vulture likes to do, let’s discuss the weather. Despite the recent beautiful spell of sunshine we are not done with winter yet. That mid-February sunny spell is quite common but more rain is on the way and many a March and April can be quite wet. Come to think of it, I remember just a few years ago when it rained even as late as June 7th and 8th so don’t put your umbrellas away just yet…What am I thinking? - the only people I see in The Valley with umbrellas are the limo drivers escorting their customers to the tasting room entrances. The rest of us simply wear the right clothes…
The upcoming weekend in The Valley sees the second and final community Crab Feed of the season. This time the beneficiaries will be the Anderson Valley Senior Center – as good a cause as any, wouldn’t you say?...It takes place on Saturday (February 23rd) at The Fairgrounds in Boonville and will cost you $25. For further information call 895-3609…The always popular “Social Time” starts at 5.30pm with the Feast running from 6pm until 7.30pm…Last call will be shortly before whatever time they ask me to leave…
I paid a visit to one of my favorite Valley hangouts last Wednesday – The County Dump. Bill the Jolly Dump Guy wanted me to remind you that if you have bigger loads then try to go to The Dump in Ukiah. Not only does that help the situation in Boonville but it’s also $8 cheaper per yard so you’re still be ahead on the gas money if you have large loads such as refrigerators. washers, dryers, etc…I would also at this time like to remind you that the hours of operation at The Boonville Dump are 9am to 4pm on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays…Oh, and one more thing, Bill would appreciate it if customers turned up with something other than large bills –remember one regular, thirty-three gallon trash bin is $3.25…
Many thanks to Stewart E. Bowen of Suisun Valley, CA for the cartoon he sent me depicting a couple of Turkey Vultures flying over a third Vulture who is struggling to take flight from beside a large carcass of bones with not a shred of meat remaining on them. “Ha, ha, ha, look at Bill”, they chuckle, “He ate so much he can’t take off!”…A flattering and very perceptive comment on my recent “performance” at The Crab Feed…Thanks, Stewart…
So Hummingbird was flittering, as she is prone to do, along Hwy 128 in The Valley the other day when she spotted a C.H.P. car sitting in wait for its prey just north of Philo. Seconds later she leaned out of her window and signaled to an oncoming yellow Toyota Land Cruiser, who was about to go round a corner and be confronted by the cop, to slow down. He was doing about 60mph she estimated. This polite gesture is a common occurrence amongst Valley folk – it is a friendly act, and quite sensible too. However, the driver in question, obviously a visitor to these parts, gave her the customary tourist salute - ‘the finger’! Hummingbird was quite unhappy. Minutes later, after collecting the mail and leaving town, she passed the C.H.P. car at the side of the road opposite The Farm Supply. The cop was giving out a ticket – to a man in a yellow Toyota Land Cruiser…Hummingbird was quite happy…
Finally this week, I have to share another letter in my fan mail - a very interesting and thought-provoking one from my #1 Fan – “Confused” of Comptche, California… Following my “insightful” political comments in last week’s column, with regards to those white women over thirty-five of whom the large majority are at this point firmly behind Hilary Clinton in the Democratic race for Nominee for President, “Confused” has written…“Dear Turkey Vulture…I had a epiphany about the majority of white women over thirty-five who are currently backing Hilary and how they should justify moving to Obama’s camp for the remaining primaries and thus give the Democrats a better chance of winning the General Election…As a long-time researcher into “adult” behavior I am quite well aware of many of the sexual fantasies harbored in the minds of the men and women of this country. Brett Kahr’s excellent “Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head?: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies” is highly recommended for anyone interested in joining me in my scientific studies here in the woods of Comptche…With this in mind, and putting political issues aside for now (just as the candidates so often have), let’s get personal…I have a proposal for the group of women in question who are wary of an inexperienced Obama and not sure whether they can turn their back on another woman as she strives to become the first female President. I suggest that they put their sisterhood aside for now and instead of voting for Hilary, embrace their “Sex with an African-American Male” fantasy that many of them have suppressed until now – just read the literature! This can be done quite simply by manifesting their sexual fantasy into a vote for Obama! Talk about killing two birds (no Vulture pun intended) with one stone! I feel confident that the women who take this step will feel a certain sense of ‘satisfaction’ and the Democrats will get a contender who can beat McCain and will lead the U.S., and in turn the World, to a brighter future…As you yourself might say, Vulture, ‘Please trust me on this; you’ll thank me later’…Regards, Confused of Comptche, CA”
Wow! Quite a mouthful, so to speak. This politically incorrect rant, which could be accused of having underlying themes of alternative eroticism, sexism, and racism, would seem to indicate that “Confused” has finally gone over the edge. Having said that, some people might think he has a good point...I couldn’t possibly comment…
I think I’ve said enough – I’ll get my coat shall I?…Sorry, no room for Whine/Wine of the Week; The Quiz; Jive Turkey, not even “Good thoughts, rampant rumors, and a few moans and groans from The 3-Dot Diner” – there’ll be plenty next time…
Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…But first, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net