# 118 - July 9th, 2008

Greetings one and all and welcome to another installment of hack writing, featuring mostly irreverent comment along with a smattering of perhaps mildly interesting/amusing information and observations about life in and around Anderson Valley. Perhaps to the surprise of the likes of Nate “Doom and Gloom” Collins of Oakland, (Letters Page, July 2nd), many people, particularly Valley folks, seem to like this stuff, and, for their continued support, I am very grateful…So, with that in mind let’s start with a Valley Quiz, shall we? – Answers at the end…

1. How high is Boonville?... I’m talking about altitude here - this has nothing to do with the “goings-on” at the recent Sierra Nevada Music Festival…

2. Who are the three women spearheading the alternative to the County’s General Plan for the Valley’s future?

3. How many winery tasting-rooms are open to the public in The Valley between Philo and Navarro (actually Floodgate)?

And while I’m at it, here’s a little more taxation on your brain – yes, folks, some good old “Jive Turkey”!...We Turkey Vultures have an extraordinary olfactory system (sense of smell) – the largest of any bird of prey. We also have excellent eyesight. This combination allows us to be both aware of carrion from over a mile away by smell and also able to spot dying or recently dead animals from great heights. Add to these attributes, the ability to swoop down at speeds of up to 60 miles-per-hour on to our next meal, thus arriving before any other hungry bird of prey, and it’s no wonder that we can be truly regarded as “Nature’s Garbage Collectors”. It’s a lot of fun I can tell you but not something you should try at home…Now you know…

Well, with “The Old-time 4TH of July Celebration” cancelled as a result of The Fairgrounds in Boonville being used as a base for many of those either fighting the fires or by those affected by them, Hummingbird and I gladly accepted an invitation to a bar-b-que at The Large-Breasted Warbler’s place. We had a great time eating good food; sipping fine wines, Margaritas, and beer; dancing the Funky Chicken to the sounds of The Byrds and The Counting Crows (try it sometime!); and then after dark sitting around and watching our favorite movie, One flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest…I suppose you had to be there…

Quote of the Week…Whilst on the topic of the effect of the fires, I have spoken with several of our volunteer firefighters over the past week and one thing that stood out to me was their modesty and insistence that what they had done was not a big deal. Many citizens of the Valley would no doubt respectfully disagree with their assessment and I was reminded of the words from Greek writer and philosopher, Homer, who said, “The charity that is a trifle to some, can be very precious to others”. On behalf of the many, may I pass on a big “thank you” to them all for their efforts…

Public service announcement #123…Although the price of gas in The Valley is rapidly approaching $5, at least I can inform you that all three of our gas stations are charging similar amounts - within 5 cents of each other as I write. Furthermore, and I know this doesn’t really help but it shows that things could be worse, a visitor to The Valley from the U.K. informed me that “petrol” prices in his country are now at $11.50 a gallon…He pointed out that their gallon was 20% more than ours so, with that taken into account, it’s currently costing the Limeys $9.20 a gallon. I wonder if they are still so polite these days?!?...

I imagine that some of you were not feeling like being polite to me if you had gone to Digg Landscape and Garden Supplies just outside Philo expecting to see the vets from Ukiah a couple of Thursdays ago (June 26th) after I had informed you in a previous ‘Public Service Announcement’ that they would be there. They were not there due to the fire and smoke situation and asked me to pass on their apologies…Please accept mine too – it was beyond our control…

Helpful of Hopland writes, “Hi, T.V., I hope you’re not getting too fat on all the fine carrion that you seem to eat. If you are however, I do have a solution so you can avoid your torso being surreptitiously filmed and used in a Fox News report about America’s obesity problem. Simply wear a T-shirt at all times with “Fox News is a load of crap” written on it. That way they’ll never show your big belly will they? Just trying to help, yours helpfully, Helpful of Hopland”…What a brilliant idea, I must get such a t-shirt a.s.a.p. Thanks, Helpful…

And whilst we’re dealing with my recent correspondence here’s one from an old acquaintance…It comes under the category of “Strange but True”…#76 – ”Dear Mr. Vulture, Do you remember the recent furor over the guy in Austria, Josef Fritzl, who had kept loved ones hidden in his house for many, many years? I couldn't understand all the fuss about this so-called 'evil' man. As I remember, the last time an Austrian hid his young lover and seven children from the authorities the story was turned into the most successful and beloved film musical ever. People are so fickle….Confused of Comptche”…You are a sick bastard, Confused, and I ask that you stop writing to me, although I have to agree, “The Sound of Music” was a wonderful film…

That’s quite enough of this for now, I’m sure you’ll agree…So, be careful out there, try to stay out of the ditches, remember to keep the windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle (and it’s not too smoky), think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

Quiz Answers

1. Boonville is at an altitude of 400 feet – it’s on those signs at each end of town that many of you pass every day…

2. Eugenia ‘Gene’ Herr, Kathy Bailey, and Barbara Goodell…

3. There are 12 tasting rooms in that eight-mile stretch – Scharffenberger, Toulouse, Brutacao, Navarro, Greenwood Ridge, Standish, Lazy Creek, Roederer, Husch, Esterlina, Handley, and Claudia Springs…

…So how was your A.V. knowledge, Nate?...I thought as much…