# 122 - August 6th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably? - then I shall begin…And what better place to start than with The Valley Quiz… Answers at the end…
1. As I will be mentioning religion a couple of times in this column perhaps we should start off by asking how many churches are in The Valley?
2. What are the opening hours and days of one of my favorite haunts in The Valley – The County Dump up on Mountain View Road?…
3. Many of you will know that the Valley’s long-time leading sheep farmer is Sam Prather - but what is Sam’s real first name?
Moving on…As I was flying above Boonville one evening last week I spotted a bunch of kids kicking soccer balls around on Tom Smith Field behind the High School. I zoomed down for a closer look and discovered it was the High School Boys Soccer players enjoying a pre-season practice under the watchful eyes of Coaches Tom Smith and Steve Sparks. Coach Smith informed me that the team would find it hard to reach the high standards of the three previous seasons each of which had seen the Panthers go deep into the play-offs. Many seniors had left but Tom commented that the enthusiasm of the current group was very encouraging and what they lacked in experience they certainly made up with in “coachability”. From what I heard and saw, it seems like they may do quite well…As for the Football program, the decision on whether there will be teams for the 2008 season is still up in the air. The goal is to field both a Varsity and J.V. team but that is completely dependent on the number of kids who turn up for practice over the next few weeks. Hopefully at least one team will be formed – the community would love a High School Football team and surely between the kids, the parents, the guardians, the coaches, the school administration, and the school board, efforts will be made to ensure that we get one…
Which leads me very neatly into the Quote of the Week…It comes from Pulitzer Prize winning author, satirist, and former host of P.B.S. television’s Masterpiece Theatre, Russell Baker, who said, “In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses”…Nice one, Mr. Baker, I knew Karl Marx had got it wrong when he said that it was “religion” that is our “opiate” – now that would be really scary… However, having said that, there are some who believe otherwise, as evidenced by the following recent submission to my e-mail address… ”Dear Mr. Vulture, may God bless you…I generally enjoy your column and your frequently irreverent style, but certainly not your occasional irreligious one. I am a teacher at a leading faith-based college, and the foundation of all our educational philosophy is that the Bible is the word of God and the truth. Consequently, in biology we teach creationism as explained in the book of Genesis, and in mathematics we teach that Pi equals 3, as stated in the book of Kings. If I had my way, anyone pupil who believes in dinosaurs, or who puts 3.14159 into equations for Pi would be taken into the playground and stoned to death against the cafeteria wall. I hope to never put you in this situation. Yours in God, Harold in Healdsburg”…As I said, religion can be very scary – beware of the likes of Harold!
In contrast to this religious rant, I offer you ‘Signs that we are Civilized’ - #16: “The restaurant where the clientele are vultures and the menu consists of rotting meat”…This venture has been set up in Nepal to help stop the sharp decline in numbers of my cousins, the White Necked Vulture. This is obviously excellent news and to read the full story please check out…

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Meanwhile, I shall be looking into opening a similar venture on Hwy. 128 in the very near future. As I’ve said many times before – “We are Nature’s Garbage Collectors and for that you can thank us later”…

Talking of “collecting”, I tuned into KZYX &Z’s ‘Trading Time’ show on Saturday morning to see if I could perhaps pick up a bargain or two to add to my collection of stuff I don’t really need. I didn’t get anything on this occasion but I was surprised to hear the dulcet tones of Barton Seagull, the former station operations manager, who was the guest host in the absence of Mike and Patty Langley. He was polite and gracious and did a fine job, other than the occasional reminder to listeners that, “I am a musician now”…Does this mean that is how he now makes a living? None of my business, I know, but he started it and I was just wondering…

I am also wondering how Bob the Buzzard is going to “prove” (his word) to me that the Roast Beef deli sandwich from the A.V. Market in Boonville is better than the recently announced ‘Turkey Vulture Best Sandwich’ award winner – the equivalent sandwich from Lemons deli in Philo. This is obviously a subjective issue, both are excellent by the way, but Bob was insistent. When we spoke, he had become separated from his companions and seemed disorientated. Was his insistence borne out of his confusion or was it due to his having too much to drink? Or both? I couldn’t possibly comment…

Something I can comment on is the news from The Balding Eagle that the winners of the past two Trivia Quiz contests on Thursdays at The Boonville Lodge were a team of KZYX & Z employees followed this week by a mixed team formed from the Tony/Kerri Sanchez family and A.V. Brewery staff. Not to mention that the team from Vinegar Ridge have been a very competitive third for three weeks in a row…The tourist teams meanwhile were way down in the standings each week – I’m not sure what this means but I think you get my drift…

I’m outta here!…Enjoy the sunshine, be careful out there, remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. I believe there are four actual churches in Anderson Valley – two in Boonville (United Methodist and Assembly of God) and two in Philo (St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic and another United Methodist)...None in Yorkville or Navarro – surely they’re not God forsaken!?!
2. The Dump is open from 9am until 4pm on Weekends, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. Try not to go with just a $20 bill and you’ll make Dump Guy Bill very happy…
3. Farmer Sam Prather’s real name is Albert…
p.s. “Hi” to Silver Swan and Duck Lips – thanks for your continued support…