# 138 - November 26th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin….And a Happy “Turkey and Football Day” to all! What a great day – “well done!” to whoever thought of it (?)...Family, friends, food, drink, and football –it doesn’t get much better than that! This Mother-of-All national holidays used to be called “Thanksgiving” but its new title has far greater relevance in this day and age, so I am led to believe. To some, that is no doubt sacrilegious, but to most others apparently it is reality… With this in mind, here’s an appropriate Valley Quiz...
1. Which two teams in the N.F.L. traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving?
2. How many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?
a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d) 90
3. One year after the 102 pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died. So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the ration of men to women at that historical event? a) 2:1 b) 5:1 c) 9:1
Staying with the “Thanksgiving” (I prefer this traditional title) theme for the Quote of the Week, I have a few words from Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all the family is gathered together on the big day – “Families are all about love overcoming emotional torture”…Hey, it could have been worse – I was going to share Joseph Stalin’s comment about gratitude which is a feeling we should all perhaps have on this special day. He said “gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs” – what a miserable bastard; I shall not be inviting him or his ilk over tomorrow!...O.K., let’s have a positive thought to finish with – and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – I can’t argue with that!...
Whine of the Week…Not for the first time I have been reminded by a couple of concerned local citizens that crossing the road in downtown Boonville can be a very dangerous task – and that’s for those who use the crossing! It should first be pointed out that this pedestrian right-of-way is not nearly as clearly marked for the motorist as it might be - the warning sign is back from the road and not lit, and there just isn’t one coming from the south! However, this is no real excuse for the numerous near misses I have heard of, particularly those occurring as the darkness descends around 5pm and downtown is at its busiest. There is a 30 mph limit in town and yet many vehicles continue to just come storming through, way above that limit, seemingly unaware that pedestrians are waiting to cross the road. On behalf of the particular locals who have spoken to me, but also for the benefit of everyone, I humbly suggest that we all slow down when driving in town, taking extra care to be aware of any people who may be standing at the crossing…I’m sure nobody wants to be that driver who hits the A.V.A. headlines, accompanied by an unflattering photograph of course, as a result of either smashing into the pensioner tottering across the road to get his/her social security check from the Post Office or ploughing into a thirsty pedestrian heading in the opposite direction for a much-deserved after-work beer at The Boonville Lodge - like myself, perhaps...Oh, and whilst we’re talking about this particular area of downtown, isn’t it illegal to block the crosswalk? This is something I often see people do when they stop to go to the Post. Who are these people? I think we should be told...
And obviously we should now turn to the Wine of the Week…It has to be the Meyer Family Cellars delicious Port. Following a lamb chop dinner Sunday evening, I sipped down a couple of glasses of this delicious red nectar last weekend too complement some “Tin Roof Sundae” – vanilla ice cream with rich veins of chocolate marble and a liberal sprinkling of chocolate-covered peanuts by Clover-Stonetta Ice Cream (stocked by Lemons Market in Philo). It was, as regular readers would expect in any Wine of the Week, an “orgasmic” experience...Think about buying a bottle for the post-Thanksgiving Dinner wind-down – trust me on this; you can thank me later...
I’m outta here…I hope you have a wonderful day with loved ones; be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
Quiz Answers…
1. The Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys play at home on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving…
2. A Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had little luck when trying to creep up and capture one for dinner. I suggest you just buy a fresh one from Lemons’ Market!
3. With only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 – there were just five women remaining!