# 140 - December 10th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…And what better place to start than with the good old Valley Quiz. Answers at the end of the column...
1. What was recently achieved by the three fall sports’ programs at the High School?
2. What is the local frequency of our public radio station, KZYX & Z, situated in Philo?
3. Need a notary? We have at least three in the Valley that I am aware of. Who are they?
It has come to my attention that the streets of downtown Boonville and beyond always seem to be very clean and litter free – San Francisco it is not! “Who is responsible for this?” I have often wondered...Well, following a little investigative journalism (?) and some undercover observations (?), it can be revealed that for some years now, local ‘Boonvillianette’, Ducklips a.k.a. Arlene Guest, is the do-gooder. Unfortunately, not everyone respects her efforts. A certain pompous ass was recently overheard to say that Ducklips’ efforts were demeaning! What an idiot! Don’t worry, I know who this person is and where they live. They will be “spoken to” and if any such outburst is repeated they will be dealt with in the time-worn Boonville manner – strung up from the Hanging Tree on A.V Way before being fed to the pigs on Ornbaun Road...But I digress...Meanwhile, Arlene’s community work should be applauded by us all and I’m sure she would not be averse to a “thank you” now and again - or even a nice glass of wine...
With Christmas just over two weeks away - yes, two weeks! - the usual displays of decorations and lights are beginning to appear around the Valley. Some are very impressive – tastefully done, pleasant on the eye, and color-coordinated; some are not, and I think that if someone’s lights are so ‘over the top’ that they can possibly be seen from outer space then they should be prepared to buy a glass of Christmas cheer for those living nearby...but perhaps that’s only the opinion of a curmudgeon at Christmas time...
With “Crazy Time” about to take over many people’s lives perhaps a few words from one of the greatest of all Americans would be appropriate as an early December Quote of the Week for the Holidays...It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, his precepts! O, ‘tis easier to keep holidays than commandments”...Wise yet miserable wasn’t he?
This coming Sunday (December 14th) sees the Independent Career Women’s Christmas Party – one of the most sought after tickets of the season, for men anyway...I hope to be there, representing my gender and species, and, as is my custom over the years at such premium Valley events as The Crab Feed, The Variety Show, and the St. Patrick’s Day Dinner, I shall endeavor to be the last to leave. I think I’ll have a good chance of keeping up my record, unless of course I am asked to leave early following some kind of unfortunate misunderstanding...
Sign that the Apocalypse is Approaching #51 – Another fine piece of Valley history will soon be gone from our landscape when the Old Ranch House on Horse Haven Ranch is demolished, along with the other old buildings alongside. For those not sure, it is the faded pink-ish building on the east side of Hwy.128 at mile marker 15, halfway between Floodgate and Navarro. Obviously somebody has their reasons but it’s too bad – they go way back and can no doubt tell a tale or two...Surely you don’t think vines will be replacing them?!?...
Local Business News...Following the information shared in the Valley People section last week, I should add that according to their sign in the window, the operating hours of ‘Zub Zub’, the downtown Boonville Ice Cream/Coffee Shop, will follow “Boonville Time” (i.e. somewhat approximate)...And furthermore, you will be able to slurp/sip your ice cream/coffee just behind Zub Zub when buying your yarn/wool, etc, etc at “The Knitted Brow”, soon-to-be-opened under the talented auspices of Angela DeWitt. I should add that I’ve heard from ‘those-in-the-know’ that spinning/sewing/knitting etc. is the new rock ‘n’ roll!!! So, please support your local small businesses – they’ll really appreciate it and apparently you’ll be ‘cool’ for doing so!
Finally this week, I would like to pass on the very best wishes of many (myself and Hummingbird absolutely included) to Clay and Natalie Matson and baby Spike, who are leaving the Valley and moving to be near Natalie’s family in northeast Washington State where they will be able to help the grandparents in raising Natalie’s nieces and nephews. They have been popular regulars on the Boonville “scene” for several years and Natalie owned Boonville’s One Horse Espresso coffee stand whilst Clay worked at various Valley horse ranches and with the Brewery’s shire horses. Although they are moving close to the Canadian border, they hope to make the eighteen-hour journey to visit old friends a few times a year. They will be missed...p.s. Don’t forget your thermal underwear!
Be careful out there; stay out of the shopping mall death-crushes; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
Quiz answers...
1. The Football, Boys’ Soccer, and Girls’ Volleyball programs all reached their respective play-offs; the girls going all the way to the Championship game...
2. They are at 90.7 FM...
3. I f you need a notary in the Valley call Bridget Reilly at 895-9260, Lee Montana at 895-2150, or Jimmy Humble at 895-3762...