# 142 - December 24th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Hopefully you’re enjoying the spirit of the Holidays and may Hummingbird and I wish you and yours the very best of health and happiness at this time of year and for 2009...Meanwhile, since you did so well with last week’s Holiday Quiz, how about another?...Here we go with five seasonal posers...Answers at the end of the column...
1. What headgear did boys receive for Christmas in the mid-fifties?
2. What ‘Saturday Evening Post’ artist was known for his whimsical pictures of Santa Claus?
3. In the song ‘Grandma got run over by a Reindeer’ what did Grandma go to get?
4. What was the angel’s name in the great Christmas movie, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’?
5. What is the famous Christmas story written by O. Henry?
I feel I must echo the sentiments of the Anderson Valley Chamber of Commerce when I ask all you Valley-folk to shop, eat, and drink locally this holiday season. Support your local businesses; they need your support if they are to survive both the slowest time of the year and the current woeful economic climate. I am of the opinion that these businesses are beneficial to the Valley and we need them to be successful or we run the risk of losing them completely. Then we’d be faced with dealing with that loss - just like my Mum predicts I will feel when she says, “you’ll miss me when I’m gone”...
On that note, my top investigative reporter, Balding Eagle, has already gone. He’s embedded at The Onion Magazine and sends this report from the exotic resort of the Cayman Islands in the Caribbean – ‘Amid the bleak backdrop of imminent economic collapse, worried observers got some good news when executives from the nation's top ten failing companies celebrated the historic $700 billion government bailout with an ultra- extravagant $800 billion party aimed at restoring confidence and bolstering their resolve...Three thousand guests were reportedly flown on 750 separate private jets to the Caribbean, where they commemorated the last-minute financial aid package—which saved their companies from the sub-prime mortgage crisis that has left thousands of Americans without homes—with 4-tons of Beluga caviar, $250,000 bottles of vintage Dom Pérignon served over precious gems, a 36-hour fireworks display, an additional loan of $200 billion to cover the costs of the gala, and a private concert for each attendee with rock legend Rod Stewart..."I'm glad we were all humble enough to recognize that we couldn't do this on our own," said AIG CEO Edward Liddy, sitting in a hot tub filled with Cristal champagne and seven-dozen endangered-quail eggs. "Having come so close to disaster, it is crucial that I eat these 24-karat-gold-leaf-wrapped chocolate truffles to boost stockholder morale and show all the critics and naysayers that we are carrying on just as we always have."...
And speaking of parties and drinking, please be careful over the holidays. Get your designated driver organized and stay off the ‘Train Wrecks’ (Tequila and Whisky) – that’s just silly! Which segues perfectly into the Quote of the Week, this one from Miguel De Cervantes, author of ‘Don Quixote’ and Spain’s greatest literary figure, “Drink moderately, for drunkenness neither keeps a secret, nor observes a promise”...Wise words of advice but I may have some difficulty in following them – oh, well...
Finally this week, many readers of the Valley People section in this esteemed organ will be aware of our Mighty Leader Bruce Anderson’s keen eye for the ‘look-alikes’ that frequently appear therein. I have one to add. I believe that a fine example of a close resemblance would be that between Bruce himself and country singer Kenny Rogers – a silver-haired, still vastly talented entertainer to some; a grey-bearded, out-of-touch, grizzly old buzzard to others. Take your pick. Or perhaps Bruce and Santa Claus may be more to your liking? Now there’s something to ponder as you go to bed on Christmas Eve...
Perhaps I should go now – I’ll get my coat shall I?...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
Quiz answers...
1. Coonskin Hats 2. Norman Rockwell
3. Her medications – she’d have been better off without them!
4. Clarence Odbody 5. The Gift of the Magi