# 151 - March 4th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…As the Variety Show approaches I can feel The Valley trembling with excitement as so many of its inhabitants are involved in one way or another. I shall no doubt be there at The Grange on both evenings – Friday 6th and Saturday 7th – but don’t bother to save me a seat near to the front. Whilst I appreciate everyone’s efforts with their acts, a curmudgeonly bastard like myself cannot possibly enjoy every aspect of the show, dutifully applauding and laughing all night long. I need to escape for light refreshments and ‘in-depth discussions’ outside so I’ll be at the back of the hall, not bothering anyone with my comings-and-goings. Don’t worry - I will not be alone out there, the usual suspects will no doubt be having similar thoughts...Meanwhile, the very best wishes to all involved – “break a leg”, as they say in theatrical circles...
There was only one real topic under review this week at The Five-Dot Lounge so here we go with “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite bar/restaurant in the Valley.....
Loud whispers continued to circulate about possible moves afoot to buy the original A.V. Brewery building, a.k.a. The Buckhorn Saloon, a.k.a. The Highpockety Ox, and possibly move the Boonville Lodge to that venue. I hear that Lodge owner Tom Towey is the man to talk to if anyone is considering this potentially very lucrative business opportunity and in becoming an investor. Tom owns the only liquor license in The Valley so where Tom goes, the license goes – and, based on his work in turning The Lodge around, it will probably be a successful business wherever that may be.....
With The Lodge’s recently reported experiences with their landlord in mind, not to mention various other 'Bad Landlord Horror Stories' that I am aware of, I cannot help but think that for the Quote of the Week we should turn to the words on this topic by the one and only Karl Marx who said, “Landlords love to reap where they never sowed.” One might assume that perhaps Karl knew some businessmen in the Valley?!?!...
Moving quickly on...It’s time for The Valley Quiz, now at it’s new (temporary?) position in the middle of the column... Answers at the end...
1. What were the three previous names of the bar/restaurant in downtown Boonville that is now called Lauren’s Restaurant?
2. How high is Navarro?...Geographically speaking, of course! To the nearest ten feet will do...
3. The A.V. Variety Show has been going for some time now. What edition will be taking place this coming weekend?
I took a day off last week – yes folks, despite the rumors, it’s not all glamour searching for fresh carrion all day long and we Turkey Vultures need to take a break just like anyone else. On this occasion I treated myself to lunch at Libby’s and can report that the Carnitas plate is a good as ever, perhaps even better, and together with two Pacifico beers (without limes of course) it really doesn’t get much better. So, even though it’s not strictly following the ‘rules’, let’s make those two beers The Wine of the Week – though it must be said that without the pork dish they are just another refreshing beverage with which to wash away the taste of freshly squashed squirrel (which is easier to write than to say, I can assure you)...
Obviously that brings me very neatly to The Whine of the Week...I was in attendance at the High School Public Speaking Competition, sponsored by The Lions Club and held at the Grange a couple of weeks ago. It was attended by just one student from our High School - yes, just one!? A dozen or more Lions Club members showed up and, whilst they would have been there anyway, it was disappointing when the equally letdown teacher Beth Swela introduced just a single competitor. This was Jonathan Ocampo who was understandably nervous and yet did a fine job and will move on to the next round...I have no desire to ‘bash’ the school, which is how some readers will no doubt construe this comment, however, hopefully most of you will realize it is just constructive criticism...There were ten or so competitors last year so it is disappointing to hear that there were only four students in total signed-up this time. That’s too bad when such an event can broaden horizons and teach useful life skills. And why did those three other students fail to attend or send an explanation for their absence? I have not heard of any explanation being offered – clearly the act of taking responsibility for one’s actions is a life skill they have yet to learn if this incident is anything to go by...Of course if the three no-shows, unbeknownst to me, have apologized for, or explained, their absence to the Lions then they have done the right thing. If so - well done to them. If not perhaps they should grow up and prove me wrong...
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you...Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at …turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
Quiz answers...
1. Before Lauren took over in 1995 it was ‘The Soundbite’ and before that, ‘The Smiling Deer’. Prior to that, when frequented primarily by the Mexican settlers in the Valley, it was called ‘Mary Jane’s Cantina’ and apparently offered more than just a beer; if you get my drift...
2. Navarro is 272 feet above sea level.
3. There have been seventeen previous shows, so this weekend will be the 18th!!