# 354 - May 15th, 2013

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well, good readers, it’s good to be back from the ‘real world’! Following my mysterious disappearance (that I could not possibly give any details upon) I have returned to The Nest and I’m once again fully energized and ready to observe and comment on Valley life and times. Without giving too much away, I can tell you that I was on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean and found the alcohol consumption over there to be truly ‘over-the-top’. Morning, noon, and night those people are guzzling beer and sipping wine. I frequently found myself joining them – it would have been rude not to, don’t you think? Anyway, based on this experience I am convinced that they adhere to the philosophy of American comedian, Steven Wright, who wisely noted, “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?  I think not.”... Moving on…

       Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #339 – This coming weekend (May 17th-19th) sees the annual A.V. Pinot Festival take place here in the Valley with the technical conference on Friday; wine tasting at Golden Eye Winery on Saturday afternoon, followed by winemaker dinners in the evening; and open houses and special tastings at various wineries on Sunday. Call 895-9463 or www.avwines.com for further details... #340 – the Boonville Farmer’s Market is in full-swing and will be taking place all summer long at the Boonville Hotel parking lot from 10am to noon every Saturday... #341 – The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will return to the Valley on two more Thursdays this month – May 23rd and May 30th - from 2pm to 3.30pm on each occasion. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #342 – Coming up later in the month it’s the A.V. Art Guild’s annual Open Studio Tour over the weekend of May 25th 27th from 11am to 5pm each day. Visit the artists and view their paintings, glass, jewelry, sculpture, ceramics, and more. Call Peggy at 895-2493 for further details… #343 – That same Memorial Day weekend, on Sunday, May 26th, the A.V. Lions will be doing their BBQ to benefit the ElderHome. As usual it will be at The Fairgrounds in Boonville and will run from 4.30pm to 7.30pm. Call Christine for details – 895-3192… #344 – And as always, the Memorial Day Flea Market, benefiting the Senior Center, will run all weekend from Friday 24th to Monday 27th with a breakfast and snack bar open at the Veterans Hall. Gina at 895-3609 has all the details…

       Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… The School and its continuing dysfunctions seem to dominate many conversations among locals at The 3-Dot since my return, the most egregious issue being the selection process for the next High School Principal. Life under the spotlight of a small rural community, as the local school will inevitably always be, requires certain levels of decorum and propriety. To many local folks, these are not being met, not just on this issue but several others over the last couple of years… ‘Lunatics running the asylum’ is not a strictly accurate analogy, nor is it in good taste, and perhaps not completely fair, but it is all I can come up with right now…

... On a lighter note, but with our youth still in mind, another topic under discussion at the 3-Dot this past week was ‘Jobs we would hate to do’ and I seemed to surprise some regulars with my choice of air steward(ess). Having spent time on many long haul flights I am convinced that this line of work is not at all the glamorous occupation that it’s frequently depicted as, although KLM Dutch airlines do have some rather glamorous stewardesses I must say - but I digress… Basically, the job involves dealing with all-too-often grumpy and frequently overly demanding customers and providing service to them as a de facto waiter/waitress in a very cramped restaurant, with little room to maneuver while serving quite poor food. So job-seekers, despite the tempting travel aspect of such work, perhaps think twice before signing up for the airlines - trust me on this – you can thank me later…

       Talking of traveling, for your Quotes of the Week here are three of my favorites on this subject. First up it’s these words from Richard Burton (1925 - 1984) the Welsh actor nominated seven times for an Academy Award (without ever winning) who said, “Travelers, like poets, are mostly an angry race”… And then there is this comment from Paul Theroux (1941 - ?) the American travel writer and novelist – “Travel is glamorous only in retrospect”… Finally, how about this from Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) the Irish writer and poet who typically remarked, “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on one’s travels!”…

       Finally this week, I must just comment on a letter I received several weeks ago regarding my remarks about those who attend local charity events to which they bring their own food. Fortunately these folks are few and far between but the author of the note defended their actions and stated that I was part of a ‘group of people who look down on brown-baggers, seeing them as some sort of cheapskates’. Err, well, when people attend charity functions with their own food then yes I do, and why would I think otherwise? Please don’t tell me that a $12 dinner plate is too expensive for anyone. It certainly isn’t when a large percentage of this amount goes to the charity they are apparently there to support in the first place. With quality food and drink on sale for very reasonable prices at most Valley fundraisers, entertainment of some sort too frequently provided, and profits going to local charities, calling these folks ‘cheapskates’ is being very polite I’d say. In fact, ‘Tight-fisted, miserly buggers’ is more along the lines of what I really think…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… It’s good to be back, thanks for having me… Until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – getting better? Hopefully so…

p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…