# 382 - November 27th, 2013
Greetings
one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin….And a Happy
“Turkey and Football Day” to all! What a great day – “well done!” to whoever
thought of it...Family, friends, food, drink, and football –it doesn’t get much
better than that! This Mother-of-All national holidays is still called
“Thanksgiving” by some of us but the new title has far greater relevance in
this day and age, or so I am led to believe…
With this
in mind, here’s an appropriate Valley Quiz... Answers follow Old Buzzard’s
remarks near the end of the column…
1.
Which two teams in the N.F.L. traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving?
2. How
many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?
a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d)
90
3. One
year after the 102 pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died.
So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the
ration of men to women at that historical event? a) 2:1 b) 5:1 c) 9:1
4. At
the first Thanksgiving which of the following was approved table manners? A) To eat with your hands b) To spit on the floor
c)
To throw bones into the fire when done. d)
All of these.
5. Who
pushed for the Turkey to be the nation’s national symbol?
a)
Benjamin Franklin b) Abraham
Lincoln
c)
F.D.R. d)
George W. Bush
Staying
with the Thanksgiving theme for the Quote of the Week, I have a few words from
Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all of the
family is assembled on the big day – “Family gatherings are all about love
overcoming emotional torture”… And here’s that jolly clown Joseph Stalin’s
comment about gratitude, which is a feeling we should all perhaps have on this
special day. He said, “gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs” – what a
miserable bastard; I shall not be inviting him over tomorrow!... O.K., let’s
have a positive thought to finish with – and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner
the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by
English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love
well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – I can’t argue with that!...
Public
Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #144 - The
Boonville Winter Market is now on its winter schedule and at the new venue. It
can be enjoyed on Saturday mornings at The Boonville General Store from
11am-1pm… #145 - The Independent Career Women (ICW) have their Christmas Party
on Friday, December 6 - to which their Dependent Jobless Men are invited… #146
- The Annual Holiday Bazaar organized by The A.V. Unity Club to benefit Student
Scholarships and the A.V. Library is on Saturday, December 7 from 10am-4pm at
The Apple Hall and will feature Xmas Gifts, homemade baked goods, and an
auction… #147 - The Community Holiday Dinner is on Sunday, December 8 at The
Grange… #148 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will next be in town
on Thursday, December 12… #149 - The A.V. Historical Society’s always-enjoyable
Christmas Gathering is on Sunday, December 15 at the Little Red School House…
Christmas
Day and New Year’s Day are on Wednesdays this year and in between them is, of
course, the annual New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville… And
of course the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in
the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior
Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there
is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 5, also at The Apple
Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley
events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the
form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for
the big night out on January 18, or Gloria Ross at 895-3017 for the Feb 5th extravaganza. Remember - both events sell out every year…
From
our regular correspondent, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful
series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “Readers
may have been wondering about my whereabouts in recent weeks, or maybe not.
Well, the Apocalypse has not happened and I am alive and well and able to
inform you that I have been south of the border. Now that I have returned, I
have some observations and a few sweeping generalizations about our ‘next door
neighbors’ that I wish to share - nothing earth-shattering but just a reminder
of a few things that some of you may not have heard in a while. These are
offered ‘in my humble opinion’ - so don’t get your knickers in a twist if you
disagree…
“Do
not believe a Mexican bartender if he tells you the chili pepper is’ just a
little hot’ - what was I thinking?… Freshly made corn tortillas are a beautiful
thing… Most Mexican beers pair well with the food and suit the climate, but
Pacifico and Bohemia do it the best… The treatment of animals and pets seems to
be an act of extremes - either overly pandering or downright cruel… High-school
kids and college students seem to be texting as often as ours do; the college
students dress in a similar way too, while the high school kids wear very smart
school uniforms and it might well add a few points to their IQ and test scores
- something to think about… Attending Sunday mass down there is a wonderful
experience, even for pagans like myself, and based on the packed ‘house’ that I
was part of, the Catholic Church is alive and well in Mexico… Lots of things
seem to work at about 75% capacity - coffee machines, washing machines,
computers, phones - you just accept and move on… Lots of people work very hard
- lots of whom seem to be cleaning. As a result, many places are spotless, if a
little ramshackle and broken down… Some folks appear to be very rich indeed,
with ostentatious displays of fine jewelry and fancy cars; most are not…
Everyone is late… Not many Americans are down there these days compared to
visits in the 80s, 90s, and early 00s - a shame, as they are very welcome and
safe virtually everywhere… In restaurants and bars, nothing is too much trouble
for the staff or unavailable… Lying on a sun-drenched beach in late November,
reading a riveting book about the JFK assassination, while sipping a cold beer
and devouring some fresh fish tacos, is the best way to spend a Friday
afternoon - if you have a better alternative then let me know, but I don’t
think you possibly could… (p.s. The San Diego airport already has its Christmas
tree in place and decorated on the concourse - this was November 19).
Thanksgiving
Day Quiz - Answers…
1. The Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys play at home
on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent
years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving…
2. A
Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had
little luck when trying to creep up and capture one for dinner. I suggest you
just buy a fresh one from Lemons’ Market!
3. With
only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 – there were just five
women remaining. I couldn’t possibly comment further…
4. d)
All were acceptable – rather like Thanksgiving at The Nest where guests are
encouraged to partake in each of these ‘manners.’
5.
Benjamin Franklin – a great man and a true visionary clearly.
Well
now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the
Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and
may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture –
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse
either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>
p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?
p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…
p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it
is…
posted by Turkey Vulture @ 9:10 AM
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