# 385 - December 18th, 2013
Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably
then I shall begin… So here we are once again – the holiday season and the end
of yet another year just around the corner. What happened to 2013? It was just
beginning and now it’s about to end. It would appear that, just like many
others, I was just too busy living it to really enjoy it. That’s too bad and a
lesson to be learned...
So
now Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanzaa or whatever is upon us and with that comes all of
the razzamatazz, hype, and pressure that such times smother so many folks with.
Every year it seems to get more frantic. However, up here at The Nest we plan
to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest,
ultimately this time is really only for a couple of groups of people - children
(for all the obvious reasons) and gay men - as a result of spending many
Christmas holidays in San Francisco as the only straight Turkey Vulture on a
construction crew of five, I feel that I can make that observation with a degree
of authority. Not that there is anything wrong with this of course, and happy
holidays to each and every one of them... Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas
shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always
good...
And
for an appropriate Quote of the Week, let me refer you to this observation by
one of the greatest of all Americans - Benjamin Franklin, who said, “How many
observe Christ’s birthday! How few, his precepts! Oh! ‘Tis easier to keep
holidays than commandments.” Yes, Ben, it would appear that it certainly is,
but, as you uttered those words back in the 1700’s, it would seem things were
the same back then as they are today. That’s surprising. After all, in matters
of piety and social behavior, I always assume things were so much more
‘civilized’ back then. I don’t feel so bad knowing that maybe they
weren’t...
Public
Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #114 -
Useful numbers at this time of year - for road conditions and closures call
1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE
(743)-5000. I just thought you should know… #115 - Lauren’s Annual Christmas Caroling Party with Lynn Archambault is
on Saturday December 21 at 8:30pm. Songbooks will be provided… #116 -
The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on
two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for
further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #117 - The
always fun New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville features Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys accompanied by
vocalist Susan Clark. Dinner is served from 5pm-9pm and the Dance Party
will follow. $10 cover…
… And
remember, the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in
the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior
Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there
is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple
Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley
events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the
form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for
the big night out on January 18 and Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the feast on
Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…
Moving
quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week
at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant
(and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where
people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…
… Many
3-Dot regulars have observed the white-bearded grin of A.V.A. Mighty Leader,
Bruce Anderson, and heard his jolly laughter on many occasions. With this in
mind, I am unable to get over the thought that the red-coated stranger who
struggles to come down our Valley chimneys in the early hours of December 25th
may not actually be Santa Claus… Now that’s something to ponder as you go to
bed on Christmas Eve...
… … A few regulars have commented that some KZYX & Z
chat shows have recently featured the opinions of various holistic healing
advocates who seem to be suffering from some sort of illness and have had to
explain their raspy voice or sniffling nose when they are on the air discussing
various healing techniques - ironic to say the least. My advice? Take some
DayQuil/NyQuil medication made by a giant pharmaceutical company; serve up a
few less veggies on your plate to make room for some extra red meat; imbibe a
couple of glasses of wine or a few sips of warm brandy; have a roaring fire on
the go; and curl up with a good book – I can almost guarantee that you’ll soon
feel much better…
… I am
very pleased to report that my #1 fan,
“Confused of Comptche, California” stopped by the 3-Dot to offer holiday
greetings and share some words to the wise… “My great Uncle Ernest was born in
1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn't as
impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged sixteen when he
choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924”… Thanks for the warning, Mr.
Confused…
… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another
in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard
reports, “My latest plan to boost the economy around here is one that, if
successful, would certainly suggest that the Apocalypse is almost upon us.
Allow me to elaborate… Not for the first time, and not for the last I’m sure,
the conversation at The 3-Dot turned to the ‘luminaries’ who live here in the
Valley. After skipping quite quickly through names of current residents such as
the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Alice Walker (‘The Color Purple’),
accomplished actor Rene Auberjonois, and Nobel Laureate Cary Mullis, inevitably
the less celebrated but perhaps equally famous or rather infamous names of
those who at one point lived here were discussed in greater depth. Many readers
not from this area may not be aware of this but I am reliably informed that the
list includes convicted killer Charles Manson (of the Manson Family), formerly
of Gschwend Road in the Christine Woods region; Jim Jones of People’s Temple
fame and a member of the A.V. High School faculty in the late sixties;
convicted sex offender and kidnapper Kenneth Parnell, resident of Mountain View
Road in the early seventies; serial killer Charles Lake, commune-dweller in
Philo in the early eighties (just before embarking on his diabolical murder
spree with Charles Ng in Calaveras County); and ‘Tree Frog’ Johnson, formerly
of Boonville in the seventies, another infamous child abductor/abuser...
Obviously these days the Valley is an exceptionally friendly, harmonious, and
community-minded place to live. However, these former ‘Valley People’, the
perpetrators of some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, all once lived here
and that fact is a small but unique part of the Valley’s history, albeit in a
way that some choose to ignore and I’m sure this information does not appear in
the Chamber of Commerce’s literature - yet!...‘Tours of Evil People’s Homes’
anyone? - I think it might prove to be a big earner of tourists’ dollars…”
Well,
thanks for that ‘interesting’ idea, Buzzard, and now I think it’s time for us
to take our leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out
there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep
your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with
you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey… And Happy Holidays!”…
Humbly
yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse
either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…
p.p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well…
p.p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself?
Hopefully not!
posted by Turkey Vulture @ 6:13 PM
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