# 386 - December 25th, 2013

        Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Hopefully you’re enjoying the spirit of the Holidays and may Hummingbird and I wish you and yours the very best of health and happiness at this time of year…… That’s enough sloppy sentimentality for any Turkey Vulture to express, so let’s move swiftly on…

         With all the excesses of the holiday season I have inevitably come to the conclusion that, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for ‘New Yorker’ magazine, almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening”. So, with the dawn of a New Year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2014 – “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television” – difficult to argue with that, I’d say; even if you are one of those Valley folks who never misses a chance to tell others that you don’t have a television... Continuing to move swiftly on…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #117 - The always fun New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville features Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys accompanied by vocalist Susan Clark.  Dinner is served from 5pm-9pm and the Dance Party will follow. $10 cover… #118 - There is also a live music event at The Grange on New Year‘s Eve featuring Stevan Derwinski’s Joe Blow Band… #119 - The Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville is closed over the holidays and therefore will not be serving the regular community lunches and dinners. They will re-open for lunch on Tuesday, January 7… #120 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #121 - One for your new calendar - it’s some time off but on Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Popular Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here for the same cause a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley, the profits from which will go to high school student scholarships. More details to follow…
       … And remember, the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the big night out on January 18 and Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the feast on Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Several regulars were quick to dispel the scary rumor that former A.V. Brewery owner, Ken Allen, was now earning a little extra pocket money as a volunteer Santa Claus at Macy’s in San Francisco…

… Liquor license update… It appears that the new license applied for by The Buckhorn, Boonville, is still on course despite the protest of one local curmudgeon who shall remain nameless at this time. Suffice it to say, this mean-spirited and unreasonable complaint has been rejected by the powers-that-be… The other license apparently is still up for grabs, although rumors are swirling about certain local folks buying that license and also opening up a bar in central Boonville some time in the coming months… We would still have more churches than bars so this all sounds very reasonable to me - come on now, fair’s fair…

… The obvious discussion point at many Valley gatherings at this time is the weather - come to think of it, when isn’t it discussed? Inevitably the complete lack of rain is the concern and with little sign of any on the way this may well be a record-breaking year with many potentially unfortunate consequences. Two old-timers I spoke to were sure that there was a similarly dry year in the late forties and that was about it as far back as they could remember…

… What a lovely event the annual Christmas Carol Sing-a-long at Lauren’s Restaurant was, as a gathering of about fifty folks belted out all the classics in fine style accompanied by pianist Lynn Archambault. Even a curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture like myself was beaming with joy, well smiling with contentment at least, although that may have been due more to the afterglow from the delicious Turkey sandwich and mashed potatoes with a Chocolate Brownie Sundae for dessert, washed down with a couple of Guinness and a tipple of hot cider…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “As the year comes to a close you may have been expecting me to rant on about the various signs in 2013 that the Apocalypse was getting near. But no, I am in fact here to point out a few reasons why it may still remain some way off… In no particular order… The local high school saw some significant changes, the most important of which - the hiring of new Principal Michelle Hutchins, is looking like one of the best in some time; talking of the school - two more Championships were added to the trophy cabinet by the boys’ soccer and girls’ volleyball teams; no wineries have closed, despite there now being about thirty in operation, all of which I wish well; the Valley’s social events were on the whole better attended than in recent years; the Valley’s liquor license has been almost certainly saved and none of the churches burned down; fewer dogs were run over as they ran alongside the trucks driven by their owners in the Valley’s worst and least successful ‘sport’; fewer examples of selfish landlords and rude tourists: some splendid new restaurants have opened as they and others continue to provide us with many great dining options; Bruce McEwan returned to the Valley and resumed his position at the AVA as one of the best court reporters in the country; we still have a Sheriff’s Deputy in town, albeit somewhat part-time;  our corps of Valley volunteers remain steadfast in their commitments to the many Valley organizations they support; and we still have the magnificent Hendy Woods to visit!... Yes, folks, things are looking up - which is great for the Valley but no so good for my job security as the Turkey Vulture’s leading Apocalypse correspondent”…

       Thank you, Buzzard, and despite the positive message, your job is safe for now… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

       Best wishes for a healthy and rewarding 2014,

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?

p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…

p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…