# 447 - 25th February, 2015

     Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Apparently, this past week has seen a journalist from Newsweek, the national magazine, in the Valley researching an article that will feature your beloved A.V.A. - the last real newspaper in America! Perhaps there is more on the event elsewhere in this week’s edition but don’t be surprised if Messrs. Anderson, Scaramella, and McEwen act a little highpockety (to use a Boontling phrase) when you next see them around town. This could be quite prestigious and it’s certainly better from a journalistic standpoint than if the Weekly World News had shown up and talked about aliens, headless corpses, orgies, witchcraft, etc (although perhaps not as accurate)…

       With this in mind, I think it’s time to present some Quotes of the Week on the subject of journalism? I think you’ll like them… Here we go… First it’s this classic from the incomparable Mark Twain who sarcastically advised journalists to “Get your facts first, and then you can distort ‘em as you please”… And now this remark from presidential nominee Adlai Stevenson who observed “Journalists do not live by words alone, although sometimes they have to eat them” - not a reader of this column obviously!... And for a final quote I can think of nothing more accurate on this topic, certainly where the A.V.A. is concerned, as these words from my second favorite French person, Napoleon Bonaparte, who said, “A journalist is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets!” - you have been warned…

       Onward… Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #274 - At this time, due to staffing difficulties, the Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are unable to make any visits to the Valley in February. All they have on their calendar for now is a visit on Thursday, March 26 - yes, March, that is not an error!... #275 - The Boonville Winter Market is every Saturday, rain or shine, in front of the Boonville General Store, 10-12:30. Come on down to Boonville and either sell or buy locally grown or made food or crafts. For more info, call Cindy at 895-2949… #276 - The 24th Annual Variety Show returns on Friday/Saturday, March 7/8. For further details and/or to audition, call Bill at 895-2318, David at 895-3580, or Corporal Raindrop at 895-3807 for details… #278 - The County Dump is open from 9am – 4pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday. Remember, no dead animals!...

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, February 26, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be the always-popular Joe’s Chili & Corn Bread, with Banana Pudding… Then, next Tuesday, March 3, the lunch will feature the traditional first meal of the month - Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, cauliflower, Bulgur salad, and Birthday Cupcakes for dessert… All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there… 

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V. and where we subscribe to the Winston Churchill philosophy that “A lie will get halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its pants”… So I guess I’ll put my pants on and continue…

… Myself and a couple of 3-Dot regulars attended the art opening at Scharffenberger Cellars tasting room featuring drawings and paintings by Kyllikki ‘Kay’ Clark. There were about 35 or so people there including Kay’s son, Brian, who was gratified to have such a good turnout for his bed-ridden mother’s works. The exhibit itself will run from February 20 to May 14. It is well worth a visit and all proceeds go to A.V. Arts Scholarship Fund to further student studies in the visual, performing, and literary arts…

… School sports’ update… After some concern, the announcement of a coach and two assistants means there will be a Junior High Soccer team after all. The coach will be sometime-substitute teacher Ian Wilson, who will be ably assisted by recent youth soccer coaches Jay Newcomer and Alan Thomas. The 7^th and 8^th grade student athletes are no doubt delighted and will be ready to go on March 19… Meanwhile the Boys Basketball team finished unbeaten in league play and their play-off run will begin tonight (Feb 25) with a home game against Tomales. A large and loud local turnout would be a great lift for the guys and a victory would result in a quarterfinal game on Saturday at St Elizabeth’s in Oakland…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “Theeeeyre back! - I’m referring to the dreaded frost protection fans that were the cause of much grief to sleep-deprived folks throughout the Valley last year and, as long-time readers will recall, to those of us in the Philo/Navarro borderlands for several years before that. Last spring, as fans were turned on night after night in the Boonville metropolis, the Powers-that-Be at the AVA began to lose sleep themselves. This noise pollution of our Valley began to feature in an increasing number of Valley conversations and made significant newspaper headlines via a series of articles that hopefully rocked the very comfortable cradles in which the wineries seem to wallow. A town meeting was called to discuss  the issue, which a number of the wineries deigned to attend, some of who seemed to adopt a mild level of concern. Meanwhile, a lawsuit by a justifiably very angry local citizen is currently pending that may force the wineries to sit up, take notice, and actually do something about the way they are adversely affecting their community’s quality of life. I am not holding my breath…

Anyway, one day last week, in the vicinity of The Nest in the Floodgate area, a fan was turned on for some inexplicable reason at 5pm in the late afternoon. I assume now that they were just getting it ready for full-time operation because in the early hours of this past Monday morning, with a slight frost in the air, the fan came on for four hours or so until 6am… The noise was not particularly high on the Helicopter Index of Frost Protection Fan Noise Pollution - perhaps a two-Helicopter noise level as opposed to the many four- or five-Helicopter magnitudes that were reached last year, but it is early days. I have since been told that some frost protection fans in Boonville were also operating at the same time… Based on what a number of local folks told me last year, if we have to again endure what took place last spring, and the wineries continue to ignore them or offer vague and insincere platitudes of concern, then perhaps a combination of anger and lack of sleep will lead these people to make unwise decisions and to take the problem into their own hands - then the Apocalypse really would be upon us!”…

       Thanks for your thoughts, Buzzard - I certainly agree… Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… Besides I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - pleased in the knowledge that the old hare has returned safely to his burrow…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?... Keep on humming, Hummingbird… Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…