A Bird's Eye View - by Turkey Vulture

# 298 - February 15th, 2012

2012-02-16T09:08:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I was approached last week by a keen Valley observer who asked me if I knew why all the ‘original’ hippies settled here in Anderson Valley, and Mendocino County in general, back in the late 60’s and early 70’s, and why the nouveaux hippies of subsequent generations have continued to do so. I could only respond that I thought it had something to do with the fact that there are no jobs here!... Ha! Ha! Ha! - and that is your joke of the week... Or is it an observation?...
On Sunday afternoon, instead of eating a very large dead skunk on Hwy 128 by Gowan’s Oak Tree, I decided to have a ‘cultural’ afternoon and attended the Anderson Valley Historical Society’s Roundtable Discussion held on Sunday at the Grange. I was very pleased that I did. Along with about 130 other folks I was treated to a discussion lasting about an hour-and-a-half on life in the Valley in the 1930’s and 1940’s, as remembered by those who lived here then, most of whom still do so. Those who shared their stories with us all from the stage each deserve a mention - Clyde Price Jr., Ben Van Zandt, Catherine Nobles (Sinott), Donna Cox (Reilly), Berna McAbee (Walker), Eileen Brown (Pronsolino), Wes Smoot, Marian McAbee (Crosby), Gloria Ornbaun (Abbott), Pat Hulbert, and Eva Pardini (Holcomb). It was a most enjoyable event and to see history unfold before your eyes was both an exciting and poignant experience, I must say... Oh, and I should add that the complimentary snacks and refreshments, while not dead skunk, were quite delicious too...
With this visit to ‘The Past’ clearly in my mind, what better topic for your Quotes of the Week? I think we have some good ones...Let’s start with these words from Daniel Webster (1782-1852) a leading American statesman and senator from Massachusetts, who said, “The past, at least, is secure”... Then there are these words from Mary Webb (1881-1927), an English romantic novelist and poet of the early 20th century – “The past is the present become invisible and mute; and because it is invisible and mute, its memoried glances and its murmurs are infinitely precious. We are tomorrow’s past”... Here are a few wise words from Edward Thomas (1878-1917), an Anglo-Welsh writer of prose and poetry, who opined, “The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet”... And, perhaps inevitably, let’s finish with this very succinct remark from the bard himself - William Shakespeare (1564-1616), “We have seen better days”... On a personal note, I must just add that, in my humble opinion, such events as the one held last weekend can teach us so much and the study of history in general plays such an important part in making the right decisions for the years ahead. I can only hope that future generations of Valley dwellers are made aware of this...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #236 – The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, February 16th from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. And while you’re there why not support our local Farm Supply with a purchase or two - without them there’s no vet visit and it’s a great service to have on our ‘doorstep’... #237 - The International Alsace Varietals Wine Festival is taking place this coming weekend, Sat/Sun, Feb 18th/19th at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Go to avwines.com for more details... #238 – The 21st Annual Variety Show is coming up in a few weeks – March 9th and 10th to be precise, at The Grange on Hwy 128. Call 895-3580 to sign up and you don’t have to be a musician to do so!... #239 - Talking of The Grange, their monthly meeting is next Tuesday, Feb 21st at 7pm...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... The A.V. Film Festival Board members enjoyed a drink or two with several 3-Dot regulars in celebration of their recent very successful event which, they informed us, made a healthy $1869 in profits. This will be distributed to the A.V. Senior Center ($500), the A.V. Animal Rescue ($500), the A.V.H.S. Film Class $400), The Grange ($169), and one scholarship for a high school senior (to be announced) towards his or her college education ($300)... Yer gotta like that...
... A 3-Dot regular informs us that he was witness to an altercation on Gschwend Road last Saturday afternoon which saw one very drunk man fall over twice without being hit once! The inebriated man had being confronted by an angry couple who had apparently had enough of the drunk’s frequent angry and abusive tirades at the end of their driveway, which often ended in threats to themselves and their dogs and the throwing of beer cans over the fence, not to mention a number of abusive phone calls to their home. When confronted by the couple, the drunk fell over backwards, merely as a result of being stared at and verbally rebuked from a few inches away. That often seems to be the case with such folks – sad but true... His glasses fell off and after being assisted in getting up, he was offered the spectacles back. He took a swipe at snatching them from the outstretched hand but with his judgment clearly impaired he missed and his momentum led him to go crashing to the ground once again. The couple did not help him get up a second time...
... Another regular was in S.F. this past weekend and he bumped into an old friend, former Mayor Willie Brown, who told him that there will be a real surprise in store for President Obama when he comes to town later this month. You might recall that just a couple of weeks ago, when he was in Harlem, Obama stepped out of his professional character when he sang the opening bars to Al Green's hit "Let's Stay Together." It was a rare glimpse of the guy hanging loose. Well, his San Francisco host, Robert Mailer Anderson, nephew of the A.V.A.’s Supreme Leader, Bruce Anderson, has lined up the Reverend Al himself, for the president's fundraiser to be held at the spacious home of Robert and wife Nicola Miner on Pacific Heights...Who knows, maybe Al and The Prez will sing a duet? For over $30,000 you can be a guest there to see it...
... ‘Sheep loose on Anderson Valley Way – heading for downtown Boonville!’... Not for long with lifelong Valley shepherd Sam Prather and by-passer/helper Nick Schwartz on the job. It seems that during the strong winds last week, a tree had fallen onto a short stretch of the fence surrounding the field at The Big Barn just north of Boonville, where a dozen or so sheep are kept. On Thursday evening, two of them ‘made a break for it’ through the new-found gap and were approaching Hwy 128 and threatening to go into town for a night out – to cause havoc at the Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant, some people believe... Remarkably, a passer-by recognized one of them as ‘Gail’, a sheep she had raised from birth and had given to the local shepherd with that small flock at the nearby Big Barn field. She explained this to Sam, who also lived nearby and the Master Shepherd, with help from Nick and Sam’s sheep dog, returned the two miscreants to their pasture before dark... Sam, who has been in the sheep business all of his life, could not help but chuckle, “Gail? Gail!! Sheep with names – this business is in more trouble than I thought it was!”...
... Finally this week, it seems that one of my readers is delusional and under the impression that The Old Buzzard, in his comments a couple of weeks ago about Cyked - the group striving to get bike lanes around these parts and beyond, was against their idea. I read the column again and one would hope that even the least discerning of readers would not interpret comments by Buzzard such as "the idea behind this latest fundraiser is a good one and I wish them well" and "one hopes that the community as a whole is not indifferent to such an idea", as being negative remarks on the group’s plans. He clearly supports the group’s idea, but I guess some people have difficulty understanding the written word these days, particularly if those words present reasonable views that may be contrary to their own. While supporting the premise, the Buzzard wisely brought up some realistic concerns with the plans but I guess certain people around here cannot cope with such things. In this particular case, the person seems to be ‘cycling through cloud cuckoo land’, trying desperately to remain removed from reality - good luck with that...
Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 297 - February 8th, 2012

2012-02-09T09:10:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Leading off this week, I turn things over to our ‘3-Dot Lounge’ regular, The Old Buzzard, who provides us with the latest words of wisdom in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “The past month will surely go down in Anderson Valley history as ‘Black January’... The turmoil and outrage that the community dealt with included the future plans of The Boonville Hotel Three (“Johnny, Roger, and Melinda”) for the space at The Farrer Building currently occupied by ‘All that Good Stuff’, the store frequented by many local folks and owned by the very popular Leslie Hummel; the High School ‘Fight Club’ and its resulting school ‘lunchtime lockdown” by Principal Tomlin and the accompanying student suspensions; and the apparent but as yet unproven Parent/Teacher Association’s financial irregularities being investigated by law enforcement. On top of all of this, and to some perhaps the most disturbing development of all, was the news that The Boonville Saloon (formerly The Boonville Lodge) has closed and may not re-open. For now the situation is very uncertain, but hopefully the hard-working owners, Marcia and Shelly, who have put in so much hard work over the last year or so, will be able to re-open in the not too distant future. However, in a worse case scenario, if the license were sold to someone outside the Valley, this would mean that for the first time in over one hundred years ‘real’ alcohol will not be available in the Boonville and we would have lost a veritable Valley institution. With such licenses hard to come by, unless someone here can step in and buy this license for a location in the Valley, it is very unlikely in the foreseeable future that folks will get to go out locally and enjoy the company of friends while sipping a martini, a fine single-malt whisky, a ‘Cosmo’, a Vodka cranberry, or even a Trainwreck!... If that is the case then this would surely be one of the more glaring examples that we are most certainly faced with the imminent approach of the Apocalypse...”
In the meantime, we do have our crab feeds to cheer us up and the most recent one, held last Saturday evening at The Apple Hall in Boonville, was one of the best yet! Once again the ‘Original’ Crab Feed was a sellout, with well over 350 people in attendance, as the Valley sat down to eat, drink, and make merry together. The crab was delicious and never-ending and I can’t imagine anyone went short as Gloria Ross and her crew did a marvelous job of putting on a great night out for the 10th year in succession. Most people were gone by 9.30pm and I left not long after that, leaving some of the young Valley socialites to enjoy a drink at the bar with friends as the hard-working volunteers sat down to enjoy their own crab feed – they certainly deserved it!
As we move on from ‘Black January,’ and with Valentine’s Day (Feb 14th) less than a week away, I thought some words of wisdom on the topic of ‘Love’ would be in order for your Quotes of the Week... First, let’s bring in the author Katherine Mansfield (1888 -1923) who wittily observed, “If only one could tell true love from false love, as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools”... And this from Diane Arbus (1923 – 1971), the American photographer and writer, who wrote, “Love involves a peculiar, unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding”... The list would not be complete without a contribution from my old friend Bill Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) the English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language. Here’s his classic line from ‘Twelfth Night’ – “If music be the food of love, play on”.... And let’s finish with Valley resident and author, poet, and activist, Alice Walker (1944 -?) whose words we could all live by, “I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all of my heart”...
And now back down to earth... Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #363 – Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, supported by Wild Oats, will be playing for your ‘Romancin’ and Dancin’ pleasure on Saturday, Feb 11th at The Grange in a benefit for the Sr. Center... #364 – The next afternoon, Sunday, Feb 12th, it’s the A.V. Historical Society’s Roundtable Discussion entitled “Anderson Valley in the 1930’s and 1940’s”. This free event will be held at The Grange on Hwy 128 beginning at 1.30pm with a discussion panel featuring fifteen Valley folks who lived here during those years. Everyone is welcome and encouraged to attend what will surely not only be a fascinating afternoon of old Valley stories and memories but also a unique piece of history in the making... #365 – Next Tuesday, Feb 14th, is the second Tuesday so that means Dinner and Bingo at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now - you don’t have to be a senior to attend!... #366 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for their monthly visit to the Valley next Thursday, Feb 16th. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Along with a couple of 3-Dot regulars, I attended the Unity Club luncheon last week, which saw Sheriff Tom Allman and District Attorney David Eyster as the guest speakers. Both are eloquent, informative, and interesting public speakers with affection for, and awareness of, the Valley and its issues, so their words were inevitably well received... However, perhaps what was not expected was their warm welcome of yours truly with firm handshakes and broad smiles. Such greetings by these two powerful men of the law could do a lot of harm to my reputation and I can assure you it will not happen again...
... The financial climate is hitting everyone but the downturn in business at the local eateries cannot be blamed on the quality of the food, with Lauren’s Restaurant (with it’s exceptional Pot Roast and Pulled Pork dishes) and The Buckhorn (spicy wings and Buffalo burgers) both making the local dining experience something which deserves a far greater audience... Support your local restaurants; these days you never know if they will always be there...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 296 - February 1st, 2012

2012-02-09T09:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... What do these Valley folks have in common? - Clyde Price Jr., Ben Van Zandt, Catherine Nobles (Sinott), Donna Cox (Reilly), Dick McAbee, Johnnie Pinoli, Berna McAbee (Walker), Eileen Brown (Pronsolino), Wes Smoot, Marian McAbee (Crosby), Gloria Ornbaun (Abbott), Pat Hulbert, Eva Pardini (Holcomb), Janese Brunton (June), John Hulbert, Linda Crispen (Hulbert)... Well, apart from each of them spending many, many years in Anderson Valley, their whole lives in some cases, they will all be taking part in the A.V. Historical Society’s Roundtable Discussion on the “The Valley in the 30’s and 40’s” on Sunday, February 12th. This free event will be at The Grange on Hwy 128 beginning at 1.30pm and everyone is welcome to attend what will surely not only be a fascinating afternoon of old Valley stories and memories but also a unique piece of history in the making...
With this in mind, let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week... First from English novelist Jane Austen (1775–1817), who clearly had a very dim view of history, referring to it as “The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars and pestilences in every page; the men all so good for nothing, and hardly any women at all.” Well, that will certainly not be the case at the Roundtable Discussion, I’m sure... Far more likely, our local event will reflect the view of Stephen Spender (1909–1995), the English poet, novelist and essayist, who commented, “History is the ship carrying living memories into the future” – perfect. I hope to see you all there...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #361 – The ‘Original’ Crab Feed is this coming Saturday, Feb 4th and it is sold out. Happy Hour is at 6pm; dinner served at 7pm... #362 - The 29th Annual Fruit Tree Grafting Workshop and Seed & Scion Exchange is on Saturday, February 4, 2012 from 9-4 at the Domes at Anderson Valley High School in Boonville. For more information, call Barbara Goodell 895-3897; Mark Albert 462-7843; or Richard Jeske 459-592... #363 – Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, supported by Wild Oats, will be playing for your ‘Romancin’ and Dancin’ pleasure on Saturday, Feb 11th at The Grange in a benefit for the A.V. Senior Center...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Many 3-Dot regulars attended the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival held at The Grange last weekend and commented that not only were the films very interesting, informative, and entertaining, but there were also very good crowds in attendance... The Festival gave all profits to three local beneficiaries – The Senior Center, the A.V. Animal Rescue, and the A.V.H.S. Film Class, and yer gotta like that... The food and refreshments were also highly praised but, on the flip side, one local businessman was spotted eating a sandwich he had presumably brought to the Festival from elsewhere. To make matters worse, this miserable so-and-so was eating it on the porch right next to Alicia’s Taco stand that was donating 50c cents to the event for every taco sold... Boooo!.., Some folks just don’t get it...
... President Obama will be back in San Francisco next month - once again as part of a West Coast fundraising swing. A pair of Feb. 16 events are planned in the City, one of which is the $35,800-a-head dinner for 50 guests at the Pacific Heights home of novelist Robert Mailer Anderson and his wife, Nicola, followed by a large reception at a yet-to-be-decided public venue where tickets will go for anywhere from $100 to $10,000. There is no truth to the vicious rumor that Robert has asked his uncle, A.V.A. Supremo Bruce Anderson, to fork over the full $35,800 to attend. Nevertheless, Bruce has said he does not expect to get in for nothing and has offered to work at the coat-check stand in return for a seat at the ‘Top Table’...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Based on the recent turnout at Lauren’s Restaurant, quite a few local folks are excited at the prospect of bike lanes in the Valley; all the way to the coast in fact - an idea being championed by a local group’s ‘Cyked’ campaign. The idea behind this latest fundraiser is a good one and I wish them well. However, one cannot help but wonder if this is not just the passion of a small section of the community, with the best will in the world, but few followers beyond their own friends and associates. They would not be the first such group around here to be described as such. I only occasionally see people on bikes, even on a slow and safe road like Anderson Valley Way. As for kids being out on their bicycles, as in the good old days, I hardly ever see this. Do kids cycle to school? No. Is this because there are no bike lanes? Possibly; but perhaps more likely because bicycling is not seen as ‘cool’ among school students these days. Hopefully this would all change if the bike lanes were installed. ‘Build it and they will come’ would be great and one hopes that the community as a whole is not indifferent to such an idea. If they are then surely it is too bad and yet another sign that the Apocalypse is approaching if ever there was one. We shall see...”
Thanks for the insights, Buzzard... Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 295 - January 25th, 2012

2012-01-26T10:04:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... How about a great bit of news? Over $5K was made in profits from the recent crab feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center! Given the price of crab ($5 a pound), this is an exceptional total and goes to show that not only did people come out to support the Seniors, they also spent money generously at the bar and on raffle tickets and silent auction when they were there. On behalf of our Seniors, I have been asked to pass on their deep appreciation to the many people who contributed in one way or another to putting the event together, and of course those who attended this wonderful gathering – a virtually unique event at which the community sits down to eat together...
And for your Quote of the Week, let’s stay with good causes and turn to this comment from Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892), the American poet, essayist, journalist, humanist, and wit, who perceptively pointed out, “Charity and personal force are the only investments worth anything:... And of course, I should also mention these wise words from Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) the English philosopher, statesman, and scientist who said, “In charity there is no excess” – not when it comes to the giving-folks of Anderson Valley it would seem...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #117 – This coming weekend sees the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival taking place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class, with some films accompanied by the filmmakers themselves, present to discuss their projects. Beer from the A.V. Brewery, local wines, and hot and cold food is available, including delicious tacos from Alicia’s Restaurant. All profits will go to the A.V. Senior Center, A.V. Animal Rescue, and the A.V. High School Film Class. All Festival details can be found on the Festival website which is at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org... #118 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, January 26th from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #119 – A few Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of the Valley’s two crab feeds but it is anticipated they will sell out very soon, if they haven’t already. This is the 10th ‘Original’ Crab Feed, benefiting the Catholic Church, and it is to be held on Saturday, February 4th. For ticket information, call Gloria Ross at 895-3071. As usual, the event is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the previous crab feed, this is one of the best pure Valley-dweller gatherings of the year...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Following the aforementioned crab feed, several revelers continued with their evening at The Boonville Saloon (formerly The Boonville Lodge). By 1am, three of them were in no shape to drive home to Philo so, to solve this dilemma, bartender Cindy Hughbanks stepped up and drove them there. Now that’s what I call excellent bartending and a full service bar!...
... Another ‘feel good’ story that regulars at The 3-Dot were sharing this past week was the sight of several employees and out-of-town sales people employed by the A.V. Brewery, led by co-owner Trey, enjoying a hearty lunch at the Senior Center. Brewery manager, Fal Allen is on the Senior Center Board and no doubt encouraged this and I must say it was very pleasing to see. Some Valley business folks are never seen out and about in the community and that has always puzzled me...
... The 3-Dot was closed on Sunday afternoon, so along with many regulars I endured the disappointing loss by the 49ers among a large crowd of local 49er fans who assembled at The Buckhorn, Boonville. For one and all, the afternoon was no doubt an emotional rollercoaster that ultimately crashed and burned following the bonehead play by the ‘Niners’ second-string punt-returner – his second such egregious era of the game, which together led directly to 10 points for the opposition. I imagine he left San Francisco on a red-eye flight very early on Monday morning, never to return... Nevertheless, not to make light of such a disappointing loss to the big bad N.Y. Giants (in overtime 17-20), there was a silver-lining - the large plate of hot and spicy wings were back to their very best and when served with a pint of Guinness for $12, the excruciating loss was almost bearable... But not quite...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 294 - January 18th, 2012

2012-01-19T09:59:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And while it is a little late, I’m sure the sentiments still apply when I pass on the best wishes for many happy returns on the Birthdays of these Valley folks, who all will enjoy their special day in January: Shirley Hulbert, Jim Nickless, Vicky Centers, Gene Walker, Eva Johnson, Sue Davis, Patrick Ford, and Maureen Bowman...
This past Saturday night saw the first of the Valley’s two Crab Feed gatherings – arguably the best ‘pure’ Valley events of the year in the sense that the vast majority of those who attend are from across the wide spectrum of Valley folks. This one benefited the A.V. Senior Center and with a turnout of over 250, a very brisk business at the bar, and the sale of many raffle tickets, I’m sure that the Center will be most grateful for the community’s very generous support. So many people come together to put together an event of this size, from the Sr. Center Board led by the effervescent and tireless Sheri Hansen, to the many volunteers on the night, including the very capable wait staff from the A.V. High School cheerleading and football teams, led by coaches Keri Sanchez and John Toohey, to Harold Hulbert, who organized the crab, and of course the various donating wineries and the A.V. Brewery, plus the local folks and small businesses who provided raffle prizes. With Dean Titus and fellow musicians Craig Titus, Chris Rossi, Brian Wood, and talented singer Susan Clark, providing both background and dance music, the atmosphere was wonderful and it was a joy to be a part of such a special event. Well done to one and all!...
Well that’s enough ‘gushing’ for this curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture, let’s move on to the Quote of the Week and share with you some words on the continuing major talking point about around here – the weather. As you read this, hopefully the rain is pouring down outside because, as everyone will readily let you know – we need it! Here’s a good one from Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900), the American essayist, novelist, and friend of Mark Twain, who very perceptively said, “Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it”... And if it really does come down in torrents this week, then let’s hope it’s not too much all at once so that we have to recall William Shakespeare’s great line, one used by myself often in the company of Hummingbird, “’Tis a naughty night to be naked in”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #422 - Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of our two crab feeds but it is anticipated they will sell out once again. This is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed that will be held on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Just like the ‘feed’ this past weekend, it is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the similar Senior Center event this is one of the best Valley gatherings of the year... #423 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for a second January visit to the Valley next Thursday, January 26th. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm... #424 – Coming up is the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website which can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Raised eyebrows, comments of incredulity, and questions as to the man’s sanity, were all in evidence in the 3-Dot upon hearing that dedicated newspaperman, Bruce Anderson of the A.V.A., last weekend declined an invitation to the 49er play-off game against the Saints. It was not just a regular invitation though. Let Bruce explain – ‘Such is my commitment to an unfettered press, I turned down my nephew Robert Mailer Anderson’s conditional offer to watch Saturday's playoff game from the owner's box. He said I was invited but I couldn't write about the experience. So, with a heavy heart, I declined’... I must say that this was an amazing act of sports martyrdom, which modesty no doubt forbade the esteemed editor from mentioning in his column. Obviously most of our regulars at the 3-Dot just thought the man had taken too much of his medication to turn down such an offer, but hoped he was able to watch this fantastic game, that saw the 49ers gain a famous victory, from the comfort of his luxurious leather Barcalounger, the Presidential model obviously...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, ‘It’s quiet around here. Following a relatively slow holiday period, from the point of view of our local small businesses, the first couple of weeks of 2012 have not been great either. January is always a little slow but February and March generally slower. With that in mind I encourage the community to support your local businesses even more than ever at this time of year and, if you have a choice, put your hard-earned dollars back into the Valley before you think about ‘going over the hill’ to Ukiah. It would be very disappointing, although perhaps not entirely shocking given the current financial climate, if anyone had to close-up shop but hopefully with us all pulling together and thinking locally, this will not happen. If it did, I would have to see it as yet another sign that the Apocalypse is fast approaching...’
Well, after this emotional rollercoaster of a column, now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 293 - January 11th, 2012

2012-01-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And what better place to start than with the startling news that has been reverberating around the Valley over the past few days - ‘All that Good Stuff’, the Valley’s one-stop-shop for so many needs, for so many years, is apparently under threat of closure! Let me hand over to The Valley Observer, Steve Sparks who has sent me an update on this shocking development...
“After twenty-two years in business, providing many, many customers with a wide range of goods and services, from greeting cards and birthday gifts to a copying machine and a U.P.S. drop-off, it appears that ‘All that Good Stuff’s’ landlord, Johnny Schmitt, proprietor and chef at The Boonville Hotel, is thinking seriously about other plans for the business space in the Farrer Building that he and his partners own in the very heart of Boonville. If these plans come to fruition, storeowner, Leslie Hummel, having just negotiated a sale to store employee Claudia Espinoza, a sale that was to provide a retirement nest-egg for Leslie and a wonderful opportunity for Claudia to run her own business, will have to close and make way for a different establishment to be run by Johnny and his partners. Originally this new business was rumored to be a wine and cheese tasting room but following further enquiries something other than this is planned. What I can tell you at this point, is that the plan is for a business also in the realm of fine foods, and thus very different to Leslie’s gift store etc.
Now, before I go on, this is not necessarily going to happen in the next month or so, in fact it may not happen at all if the members of the community with whom I spoke over the past weekend have anything to do with it. Or perhaps Johnny will reconsider and write it off as an idea whose time is a long way off. However, if he sticks with the plans he has recently expressed to those affected, it is likely that the best possible scenario for the tenants is for some sort of temporary ‘stay-of-execution’. In that case, the store will remain as it is for as long as Leslie and Claudia can get Johnny to agree to at the meeting held between the interested parties this week. Nevertheless, whatever that time period may be, and three years may well be the maximum, the inevitable will happen and at that time Leslie and Claudia will be left with virtually nothing to show for their endeavors. The current store would be worthless and unsaleable with such plans in place for its future in the relative short term.
Needless to say the community will not be happy with this development. Leslie is personally very popular and is regarded as a mainstay amongst the small business owners of the Valley. Many people have already expressed disapproval of Johnny’s proposed actions and I have been contacted by four people close to the situation and encouraged to write about events and pass it on to the Turkey Vulture column. There are always two-sides to such stories and I should say that one of those people is a confidant of Johnny’s, so both sides have been heard to some degree, although I have not spoken to Johnny himself, despite attempts to do so that have not worked out, through the fault of nobody.
It appears that the new operation would be run by Johnny and partners with Leslie and Claudia having no legal recourse to stop it - the lease ran out several months ago and Leslie has been on a month-to-month lease since then. Claudia was going to pay Leslie off for the business over the next few years, it is her only option, and Leslie was going to rely on this for a significant part of her retirement income. That deal will obviously be compromised if Johnny's perceived intentions are carried out and Leslie will have nothing to show for her twenty-two years at the store - hence the ‘angry villagers’ I spoke with over the weekend.
I have heard that ‘aesthetically’ the quirky store is not in keeping with the landlords’ ideas about what businesses ‘fit’ in their Farrer Building, alongside the Mosswood Market, the Farmers Mercantile Store, and Paysanne Ice Cream. It is not Healdsburg, but I think you get my meaning. That is fine of course, the businesses all provide good quality products, and Johnny, to his credit, has put as great deal of effort into improving the look of the place and it’s surroundings. Furthermore, he is not responsible for the retirement plans of Leslie Hummel and is doing what he sees is best for himself and his partners. However, to add a store that would complement these businesses at the expense of such a versatile community store as ‘All that Good Stuff’ is surely not the way to go. Not in the eyes of the vast majority of local people it isn’t and certainly not if Johnny wants to continue to be seen as ‘a man of the community’, a position he has fostered over the years. Moving Leslie/Claudia out and going ahead with this new idea will swiftly bring that perception of him to an ugly end...
Johnny has expressed his grief at having to do this to his long-standing tenant. Whilst this may well be true, and I have no reason to think otherwise, the real question is why do this in the first place? ‘All that Good Stuff’ is a unique store for the community, one that provides many of us with ‘Stuff’ (goods and services) that you cannot get anywhere else around here. This fact, coupled with the ill-conceived idea to kick out one of the more popular local business owners after twenty-two years of serving the community, really does mean that any backlash hurled in the direction of Johnny would not be at all unexpected.
What can be done about this? Well, as I said above, nothing legally. However, perhaps the landlords will be quite sensitive to any negative public opinion, which could well lead to a backing-off on their behalf. Other than that it is difficult to see what else the aggrieved tenants can do about this situation. Community ill will and a boycott of The Hotel by Leslie's 'crowd' is hardly a significant threat since the vast majority of them are not regular customers there. However, I have heard of some people suggesting they will boycott the Hotel if this happens and others have already contacted Johnny to say so in writing. I would be surprised if Johnny actually shopped at Leslie’s store himself and most people I have spoken to feel that he has misread the situation and has no idea that the feelings will be very strong in support of ‘our Good Stuff’. He probably does now. Nevertheless, from his point of view, he is in the process of making what he believes to be a sound business decision, and ultimately that is his right of course.
Ideally for most in the community, Johnny may realize that his plans will cause more ill feeling than he imagined, or wish to confront, and he and his partners will decide to forget the idea. That may well be the wise thing to do. It would certainly be viewed as the ethical move and one that would bring him kudos rather than the undoubted dishonor that will be placed upon him if the idea moves ahead. But if it does, then I believe this past weekend’s relatively mild tirades of negativity expressed his way are just the beginning...”
Well thanks for the report, Mr. Sparks. I think a public protest, an old-fashioned chanting of 'Hands off our Stuff!’ and a placard-waving gathering outside either the Hotel and/or Leslie’s Store might have an effect, but I’m just a troublemaker and could be wrong... Meanwhile, before moving on let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week... First it’s the words of Oliver Goldsmith (1730 - 1774), the writer, poet and physician, a native of Ireland, from the Anglo-Irish Ascendancy, who said, “Honor sinks where commerce long prevails”... And a second comment would be that of Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) who said, “A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business”... I couldn’t agree more, Henry!
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #64 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow Thursday, January 12th and then again in two weeks on the 26th, from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #65 - Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place this coming Saturday, January 14th - just a few days away! You can call Gina Parlini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations – Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds... Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year... As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since shared his words with you on many occasions – “trust me on this, you can thank me later”...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 292 - January 4th, 2012

2012-01-05T08:29:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... ‘Gone but not forgotten’ – the following Valley Folk have passed in the last fifteen months or so. They are fondly remembered by many... James ‘Jim’ Gowan, Arthur Knight, Chad Ewing, Michael Bowman, Mildred Gowan (née Hulbert), Austin Hulbert (born in April 1917 and, aged 94, the Valley’s second oldest person – behind 95 year old Walter ‘Shine’ Tuttle), Tammy Housley, Howard ‘Mouse’ Morse, Skip Harris, Betty Sue Adams, Mary Alice (Ruddock) Smith, Matt Piper, Bill Mannix, Joyce Skrbek, Dee Reynolds, Jim Clow, Joyce Christen, James Monroe ‘Bo’ Hiatt, and Stanley Johnson... There have no doubt been others and I apologize for their omission...
And for your Quotes of the Week, here are some heart-warming thoughts on the passing of loved ones... First it’s these words from Helen Keller, the deaf/blind author, political activist, and lecturer, who said, “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us”... And there is this wonderful thought proposed in an Eskimo Legend – “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy”... And finally, the anonymously written but poignant, “Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear”...
Moving on... Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #64 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply on Thursdays, January 12th and 26th from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #65 - Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th - just ten days away! You can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations – Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds... Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year... As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since told you too – “trust me on this, you can thank me later”...
The Three-Dot Lounge was closed over the holiday but that allowed me some time to come up with some of my personal hopes and wishes for t2012...
- Chocolate Chip and Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley...
- All drivers shall follow the rules of the road. That most definitely includes California Vehicle Code # 21656 – ‘Slower vehicles must pull over to allow others to pass’. No driving over 60mph anywhere; no driving under 40mph in the 55mph limit without pulling over in the Valley’s many turnouts to let others pass. Of course driving at 30mph or less in town is to be strictly enforced, with very grave consequences for those who do not follow these guidelines. Do I hear ‘feed ‘em to the pigs’ from anyone?...
- All drivers parking at 90 degrees to the sidewalk outside businesses and stores will have their vehicles egged. Eggs will be paid for (upon proof of receipt and photograph of the eggs on the windscreen) by Captain Rainbow, as this is his pet peeve and he wants to see the practice brought to an end as much as any of us...
- Residents will be asked to 'verbally confront' the ‘biker hordes’ when those weekend visitors (mostly accountants, bankers, and lawyers posing in their rarely worn, stiff and shiny leathers, pretending to be ‘rebels’) arrive this summer and annoyingly begin revving up their very noisy Harleys. From now on hopefully they will be pointed at and told, "Don’t be late at the office on Monday morning"... What are they going to do? Throw their man-purses at us?...
- When some people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know”. That is o.k. and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time...
- All citizens must get tags for their pets. It’s easy and cheap at www.tagxpress.com and all those hard working volunteers at the Animal Rescue, plus the many other animal lovers in The Valley, will certainly appreciate it… Anyone not abiding by this rule to be fined $1 and the monies collected to be donated to the A.V. Animal Rescue…
- All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or some form of alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ days-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…
- No more vineyards are allowed if they are to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-all who assumes they can make wine just because they have made their millions elsewhere in an entirely different expertise. This is to be rigidly enforced if such a person is living in some far flung location, has never lived here, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit him in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on his head…
- Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Christmas Tree Fund…
- Phone service employees will be issued written warnings as to their future conduct if they are observed standing around for more than an hour at the side of the road pointing up in the air. Perhaps this will save time and then we would not be told that in order to have our phone repaired we have to stay at home and to expect the technician to arrive “sometime between 8am and 7pm”!...
- Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even that menacing, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time...
- When the power goes out, PG&E will not be able to tell us that they are “out of power” themselves. Lie to us - anything will do rather than this ridiculous and unsettling announcement that was heard over the radio waves around this time last year…
- When somebody calls to remind you of your appointment for something or other at their place of work, they should do so clearly and concisely, not by mumbling or by speaking so quickly that the message is undecipherable. That seems to me as if it really defeats their purpose?...
- All herky-jerky, whirling, twirling, hippy-dancing, whenever and wherever it breaks out in public, will be halted by concerned residents. Obviously this applies neither to the female movers who have rhythm nor the exotically-skilled belly dancers one occasionally sees, but it certainly does to the other 90% who make up this odd group…
- And finally, and perhaps most important of all - the limited choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged in 2012 so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... So, until we talk again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 291 - December 28th, 2011

2011-12-29T10:28:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well that’s Christmas/Whatever-you-call-it ‘done and dusted’ and now on to Act 2 - New Year’s Eve! Try to enjoy yourselves and if someone is behaving badly just smile and walk away – you know it makes sense.
With all the excesses of the holiday season I have inevitably come to the conclusion that, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for ‘New Yorker’ magazine, almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening”. So, with the dawn of a new year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2012 – “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television” – difficult to argue with that, I’d say...
Delicious cheeses, homemade biscotti and breads; succulent hams, turkeys, hot chicken wings, and rib roasts; unique and zesty guacamole and bean dips, potato salads, garlic mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, etc., etc., etc., not to mention the accompanying wonderful local wines and thirst-quenching beers – yes the holidays at The Nest have been quite a binge so far... However, did you know that along with all those goodies, we Turkey Vultures also like our ‘veggies’? Yes, folks, a recent study of almost 400 of our pellets collected in the Castro Valley and Livermore areas in California showed that plant material was the single most common ingredient of the Turkey Vulture's diet. The material consisted primarily of grass and leaves. Don’t let all this fool you, though. Animal food items in the pellets included: shrew, mole, squirrel, gopher, mouse, rat, rabbit, bird, reptile, insect, muskrat, opossum, raccoon, skunk, badger, sheep, and coyote. If not consumed and sterilized by the TV's, these carcasses would have rotted on the ground and could have spread disease. We truly are nature’s garbage collectors and proud of it - “trust me on this - you can thank me later.”

Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #131 – Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville is having a New Year's Eve Dance Party with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, featuring Susan Clark. The music will start at 9:00pm with a $12 cover charge. Dinner served 5:00 - 9:00pm.... #132 - For many Valley folks of perhaps a different ilk, then The Boonville Saloon will have a party on the same night and this will most likely be a sort of alumni gathering for large numbers of the A.V.H.S. grads of 1970 to 2005 and their families and friends... #133 - Meanwhile, down the street at The Buckhorn there is an evening with a different flavor - Casino Night with four-course dinner, complimentary drinks, champagne at midnight, party favors, and $50 in casino chips... #134 - Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; as I’ve said many times before (in fact just moments ago in the previous paragraph) – “trust me on this, you can thank me later”...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... I am very pleased to report that ‘Confused of Comptche, California’ stopped by The 3-Dot this past week and shared some words of wisdom with the regulars... “Let me share with you a little Christmas anecdote. My great Uncle Ernest was born in 1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn't as impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged sixteen when he choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924”… I hope I wasn’t too late in sharing this tragic tale... Eat carefully...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “I thought I’d sit in for Turkey Vulture and do my own ‘Wine/Whine of the Week’... Having sipped a couple of glasses of the Claudia Springs Zinfandel with wild pig ribs on Christmas Eve, the choice for the Wine of the Week was easy – truly delicious, well done Bob and Claudia! My ‘Whine of the Week’ is far more in keeping with the Approach of the Apocalypse theme and it concerns the dreadful music played on Christmas morning on the Valley’s KZYX & Z radio station. After thirty minutes of dull and morose songs, I had to turn it off and scratch a blackboard with my claws. I know this is a subjective topic but what were they thinking of? Certainly not the vast majority of listeners, I’d say. Surely the show is not a private listening for the benefit of the presenter in a little room in Philo... I know, I know, they are volunteers and I realize it was Christmas Day and we should be grateful somebody showed up. With that in mind I even went back to the program, twice in fact, so that I might hear an improvement... But no, the choice of songs for such a festive morning continued to be most annoying and I turned it off until noon. That’s when Fred Wooley showed up on the airwaves with his ‘Audible Feast’ and, as always, provided us with some relevant and entertaining music - as many others frequently do, including Dianne Hering and Jimmy Humble to mention just two. As we are reminded repeatedly, KZYX & Z is ‘listener supported, community radio’ but sadly this will not be for much longer around Buzzardville Mountain if such programming as we were served up with on Xmas morning continues – and that would be a shame...
Oh, dear, did Buzzard upset somebody? Well, that’s unfortunate but I’m sure many others would agree with his comments about the Christmas morning broadcast... And some will possibly disagree – it is life in the Valley after all!... Meanwhile, until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Hopefully, the New Year will bring you happiness and good health and may your dreams come true for 2012... Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 290 - December 21st, 2011

2011-12-22T10:37:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Never let it be said that a Turkey Vulture is not a noble creature, particularly when it comes to admitting one’s mistakes. I recently wrote that the School Board members received health insurance through the school and that this surprised the few people in the Valley to whom the topic was mentioned. I personally thought this ‘perk’ was entirely plausible, given that the board is arguably making the most important decisions of any Valley board and was charged with designating large amounts of money to various projects. My initial source told me this was a fact. I did get a second source who also thought this benefit was quite possible. It should be mentioned that receipt of this 'perk' was not criticized, just that it was not a well-known fact. As it turns out, it is not a well-known fact because it is completely untrue!
This was pointed out to me by a Board member who was no doubt very surprised to hear through this column that he had this health insurance when in fact he knew that he most certainly did not. My source on that was incorrect and has since been fed to the pigs as a result of his sloppy investigation work. Meanwhile, the Board member and I talked it through in a dignified manner, I apologized sincerely, and, at the end of our conversation, handshakes were made and an assurance of our continued friendship was mutually agreed upon. I will endeavor to do my best to ensure that such an error does not occur again...
With this in mind, and for your Quote of the Week, I have found a couple of relevant comments on the issue of wrongdoing, both of which suggest that one error can undo a lot of good work... First it’s the English wit and historian, Thomas Fuller who said, “A small demerit extinguishes a long and worthwhile service.” And then there is the Latin proverb, “Those who are once found to be bad are presumed so forever.” Harsh stuff and a lesson learned by a humble Turkey Vulture...
So here we are again – another Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai, or whatever, and every year it seems to get more frantic out there. However, up here at The Nest, Hummingbird and I plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest, ultimately this holiday is only really for the enjoyment of a couple of groups of people. As a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco, I feel that I can state with a degree of authority that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men (they have the best Xmas parties) and children (for all the obvious reasons). Not that there is anything wrong with this of course, but I am neither, so I will no doubt eat, drink, and be merry in my own reserved and mellow manner... Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #21: Useful numbers at this time of year - for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know… #22 – The Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant will take place as usual tomorrow, Dec 22nd at 7pm. Yes, it is near to Christmas, but if you’re going to be hunkered down at home with loved ones for two or three days then perhaps a night out in the Valley, sipping beer and wine, enjoying a tasty meal, and exercising the mind, would be ideal preparation... #23 – An early ‘heads-up’ for the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website which has recently been updated and can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... With Xmas gifts still not purchased, some regulars were in panic mode this week. ‘Look no further’ I told them. ‘Crab Feed tickets are now available.’ The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071... Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; trust me on this, you can thank me later...
... The votes are in on the two ‘Best holiday season meal-deal dinners in the Valley’, both for less than $20. Our regulars have decided on Lauren’s Restaurant’s Hot Turkey Sandwich with gravy, cranberries, mashed potatoes and green beans and The Buckhorn’s Buffalo Burger with all the fixin’s and garlic fries. Having tried them both, I wholeheartedly agree, particularly when ‘devoured’ in the company of friends while guzzling a beer or two...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 289 - December 14th, 2011

2011-12-15T10:38:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Unusually, let’s start off this week with our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, as he shares with us another in his insightful series - ‘Signs of The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, I attended several Holiday/Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai parties over the past week and have a few more to go before the ‘season of the goodwill’ is all over. However, it’s not all happiness and joy as evidenced by those folks who seem to get into such a flap over the ‘Happy Holiday’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ thing. I have heard of Valley folks refusing to attend Valley events because they were called a ‘Holiday Party’ and not a ‘Christmas Party’, and vice versa, I should add. Oh, please! Does it really matter? Of course I know the ‘big picture’ arguments as to why it might cause concern amongst both the ‘extreme P.C. crowd’ and the ‘bible-thumpers’, but really, to miss out on a lovely evening spent with friends simply because of the evening’s title?... Surely this time of year gives us all, including those who spend most of the time up on their soapboxes or pontificating from their ivory towers, to simply spend quality with loved ones and appreciate them being in our lives. But that’s easy for me to say – and so I just did...
As a pontificator of some repute myself (see example above), perhaps a couple of thoughts on this topic should provide your Quotes of the Week... First up, it’s former Presidential hopeful Adlai Stevenson, a man noted for his intellectual demeanor, eloquent oratory, and promotion of liberal causes, who said “The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.” Perfect - it’s certainly the very expensive price I seem to pay on my Valley travels... And then there is the classic comment on free speech from Voltaire who famously said, “I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”... Couldn’t have said it better myself...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #252 – The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, Dec 15 from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #253 – It’s the Christmas Carols Sing-a-long with pianist Lynn Archambault at 8.30pm this Saturday, Dec 17 at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville... #254 – Tomorrow is your last chance to enjoy a lunch at the Senior Center until 2012 as they will be closed until Tuesday, Jan 3... #255 – No Barn Sale this month...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Several regulars toasted the quick recovery from surgery to remove his gall bladder that Bob Sites will undergo this coming Friday. As this small organ aids in fat digestion and concentrates bile produced by the liver, I actually believe that a gall-less Bob will quite possibly be even better company than the previous version!...
... Kids sitting on a barstool at the bar?... This topic has been a hot one of late and something which, as a bar patron of many decades standing, I personally feel quite strongly about. To be blunt - they really should not be there! If for one minute I have to censor my comments or the topic of my conversation because a young kid is sitting next to me at a bar stool, then we’re clearly further down the road to Armageddon than I had previously thought... And it’s not just for me – it’s for the sake of ‘the little ones’ too! Would any parent really want their child to hear the foul-mouthed and frequently tasteless gibberish that is spoken by so many, so often, as they pontificate at a bar surrounded by like-minded friends and acquaintances? I thought not...
... Talking of gibberish, what is on the current criteria list for getting a show on KZYX & Z? From what I heard over the 90.7 fm airwaves one afternoon this past week, I can only deduce that being ‘articulate’ and ‘not mumbling inaudibly’ did not make the list in every case. I know, I know, I know – they are volunteers. But a Turkey Vulture like me could kindly and generously volunteer my time to look after your baby lambs while you were out of town – I would do my best not to, but it doesn’t meant that I would be able to stop myself from eating one or two while you were gone...
... A couple of regulars have heard through the Valley’s widespread grapevine that Deputy Walker was planning to take the Valley’s ‘Best Friend’, Bullet the police dog, to the high school last week in response to the increasing concerns of many staff regarding the permeating marijuana odor that sometimes emanates from certain areas of the campus. I am very aware that many of the students are frequently exposed to marijuana in our culture up here but smoking/selling it at school is obviously quite unacceptable. For reasons that you can work out for yourselves, the students were tipped off by an ‘inside source’ that this search was going to happen and nothing was found. However, the warning has been given, future unscheduled ‘investigations’ by Bullet are on the agenda, and if any incriminating evidence is found there most certainly will be serious repercussions for those involved...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave...Until we talk again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace – it’s been two years and you continue to be missed...

# 288 - December 7th, 2011

2011-12-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... While many of you will have seen me there, others would perhaps like to know that I spent a lovely evening in the company of the Independent Career Women at their Holiday Party held last week at Wellspring, or ‘River’s Bend’ as I believe it is now called. As a ‘male significant other’, it is the one time of the year that we are allowed into the inner sanctum, as it were, and the food, wine, and company were all excellent. However, to have the table-cloths removed at 8.30pm whilst still sipping an after-dinner drink was somewhat startling and then to be flying home at 9.15pm was even more unusual - the party was just getting starting and the music only a few songs in! This was explained when one of the hostesses half-jokingly said “Well, we need our beauty sleep and the wine has nearly gone!”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #443 – The movement to ‘Save Hendy Woods’ is holding a community meeting tonight, Dec 7th, at 7pm at The Grange – your support would be greatly appreciated... #444 – The Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be returning to the Valley for their December visit on Thursday 15th. As always they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm - 3.30pm and have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then have to wait a long time. In fact, everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will definitely be seen... #445 – Sunday, Dec 11th is the date of the Holiday Pot Luck Dinner at The Grange. The Food Shed folks and Grangers will provide the ham, turkey, stuffing, potatoes and gravy – everyone else brings the rest and their own tableware. This is an alcohol-free event (inside The Grange Hall anyway!?) although at the time of writing I’m not sure if it is Ukeholic-free too!... #446 - Next Tuesday, Dec 13th is the second Tuesday so that means Dinner and Bingo at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now - you don’t have to be a senior to attend!...... And a couple of very early heads-up’s - #447 - The A.V. Senior Center Crab Feed will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 14th, 2012... #448 – And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 5th, 2012, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the Jan 14th big night out or Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the Feb 4th extravaganza.
With that ‘Save Hendy Woods’ meeting taking place tonight, I thought of The Old Buzzard’s comment earlier this year which probably sums up both the positive thoughts and serious concerns for many of us about what the future holds... Here they are, your Quote of the Week – “I visited Hendy Woods this past weekend. Is there a more perfect location in which to reflect on one’s existence, the meaning of life, to be thankful for all that we have, and be at one with nature? Not in my experience there isn’t, and the thought that this very special place may be closed to the public is surely one of the more distressing signs that the Apocalypse is indeed approaching”...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave and bid you farewell for another week... Until we meet again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

# 287 - November 30th, 2011

2011-12-01T09:39:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Talking of ‘sitting comfortably’, that was something not at all easy to do after the vast amount of food that I devoured on Thanksgiving. You too, eh? The Turkey Coma was in full effect for about four hours and I really must try to behave with some moderation next year - but there is something about a vulture eating a turkey that is just so irresistible...
My philosophy regarding the Thanksgiving Day festivities, and I assume I’m in the majority on this, can be summed up by these words from the wonderful novelist and short story writer, W. Somerset Maugham (‘Of Human Bondage’ (1915)), who wisely observed, “Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.” – good stuff, William... Of course I could have given you the classic comment on this topic by William Blake. In fact, as this is the mantra for any self-respecting Turkey Vulture, I think I will add it anyway. It was Blake, a fine poet, who said, “The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” Who can argue with those for your Quotes of the Week?!
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #382 – The Independent Career Women (I.C.W.) celebrate the holidays with their annual party on Friday, Dec 2nd at Wellspring just outside Philo. This is one of the most sought after tickets of the season, for men anyway. I hope to be there, representing my gender and species, and, as is my custom over the years, I shall endeavor to be the last to leave once again. I think I’ll have a good chance of keeping up that record, unless of course I am asked to leave early following some kind of ‘unfortunate misunderstanding’... #383 – The annual Holiday Bazaar sponsored by the A.V. Unity Club is this coming weekend, on Saturday Dec 3 at the Apple Hall in Boonville from 10am to 4pm. Christmas gifts and food, raffle, snack bar, and my personal favorite, photographs with Santa Claus, who, let me assure you, is neither the thinly-disguised A.V.A. Supremo Bruce Anderson nor a former owner of the A.V. Brewery, despite vicious rumors to the contrary... #384 – Just so you know well in advance, the Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here on Thursday, Dec 15 – more details next week...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... A number of regulars have been very disappointed to read that A.V. High School quarter-back, Garrett Mezzannatto, oldest son of Kevin and Reneé Lee (Wyant), was forced to wait over two weeks to get an M.R.I. after receiving a serious knee injury on the final play of his high school career at Pt. Arena back on ‘Black Saturday’ – Nov 5th, a day so-called after both football and soccer high school teams lost their final games of the season with championships beckoning. This delay occurred despite the fact that he had medical insurance. It was primarily a result of the usual bureaucratic bullsh*t and gives us yet another insight into the inefficiency of our health system and an example of a situation that would almost certainly not occur in the many nations around the world that have ‘civilized’ healthcare systems in place. As the editor of this esteemed organ would say – ‘it’s criminal.’ Meanwhile, the injury means that this fine young man’s final seasons of high school basketball and baseball could be in doubt, although if anyone can return to play in either of these sports after this particular injury then it would be Garrett... We here at the 3-Dot wish him the very best on a speedy return to both the boards and the mound...
... Talking of medical matters, despite the recent school board election process taking place, during which the board’s activities and functions being under the ‘microscope’ as it were, it still seems that to most regulars at the 3-Dot, and to folks around the Valley in general, it comes as a surprise when told that School Board Members get medical insurance through the school as a perk of the job... Not that there is anything wrong with that...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Several regulars have recently commented, many of them quite angrily, on the wide range of propane prices in the Valley at this time of year. I have done intensive research and in summation it would seem that the whole propane business is one big racket with deals offered either with little rhyme or reason or at the discretion of the person in the office, particularly if the threat of changing company is made. Meanwhile, special offers are made to entice new customers, mysterious add-on fees and surcharges appear on bills, and exorbitant charges are made to remove tanks if a customer changes their propane company. All-in-all, it is a very unsatisfactory situation and I can only advise propane users take these few precautions. Try to compare the prices of the four main companies – Suburban Propane (462-3858), Ferrellgas (463-1515), Eel River Fuels (462-5554), and Redwood Coast Fuels (463-3100) and get them to lock in your opening price for as long as you can; check bills from one to the next and be aware of significant price rises per gallon; if your price per gallon goes up, call to inquire why and do not be put off with vague explanations – ask to talk to the supervisor if you are not satisfied. Personally, up here at the Nest we have Suburban but their customer relations are pathetic and their prices high and non-negotiable at this time. A move to the more locally-owned and certainly cheaper ($3.09 compared to $3.99) Eel River Fuels is a distinct possibility once I get to deal with the annoying tank removal... Good luck with this, you will need it.
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we meet again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 286 - November 23rd, 2011

2011-11-24T09:07:00.000-08:00

Greetings - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... A Happy Thanksgiving to one and all for tomorrow’s big event! What a great day – “Well done!” to whoever thought of it... This Mother-of-All national holidays, and by far my personal favorite, is all about celebrating with friends and family. Throw in food, drink, and football and it surely can’t get much better than that!
Anyway, as you digest that unnecessary yet unavoidable second helping of food tomorrow, and before your nap, perhaps you will be inclined to summon up the energy to take part in my Thanksgiving Day Quiz... Answers at the end of the column...
1. How many people were aboard the Mayflower when it set sail from England in 1620? a) 35 b) 88 c) 102 d) 148 e) 715
2. One year after the pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died. So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the ration of men to women at that historical event? a) Even b) 2:1 c) 5:1 d) 9:1
3. What color was ‘taboo’ to the new settlers and was never worn?
a) Red b) Purple c) Blue d) Black e) Brown & Gold
4. What was the last name of the Mayflower’s Captain?
a) Smith b) Brown c) Jones d) Bligh e) Pardini
5. Which two teams in the N.F.L. traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving – one since 1934, the other since the 70’s?
6. How many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?
a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d) 90
7. What is America’s favorite dessert on Thanksgiving?
a) Pumpkin Pie b) Pecan Pie
c) Sweet Potato Pie d) Crème Brule
8. At the first Thanksgiving which of the following was approved table manners? a) To eat with your hands b) To spit on the floor
c) To throw bones into the fire when done d) All of these
9. Who pushed for the Turkey to be the nation’s national symbol?
a) Benjamin Franklin b) Abraham Lincoln
c) F.D.R. d) George W. Bush
10. Fish, fowl, peas, pumpkins, veal, beef, turkey...Which of these items was not on the very 1st Thanksgiving Day menu?
11. True or False? - Indians attended the first Thanksgiving feast.
12. True or False? - Thanksgiving is always the last Thursday of November.
13. True or False? Male Turkeys are the ones who make the gobbling sound.
14. True or False? The Pilgrims bought beer with them on the voyage to the New World.
15. True or False? At the early Thanksgivings, Turkey Vultures were also on the menu.
Staying with the “Thanksgiving” theme for the Quote of the Week, I have a few words from Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all of the family is gathered together on the big day – “Families are all about love overcoming emotional torture”…Hey, it could have been worse – I was going to share Joseph Stalin’s comment about gratitude which is a feeling we should all perhaps have on this special day. He said “gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs” – what a miserable bastard; I shall not be inviting him or his ilk over tomorrow!... O.K., let’s have a positive thought to finish with – and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, who very wisely pointed out, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – who could possibly argue with that!...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #100 – It’s Thanksgiving tomorrow – just to remind the less alert amongst my readership... #101 – The annual Holiday Bazaar sponsored by the A.V. Unity Club is next weekend, Saturday Dec 3rd at the Apple Hall in Boonville from 10am to 4pm. More details next week... And that’s it – apparently a week dominated by Thanksgiving and not much else...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... The 3-Dot was a little quiet last Saturday evening as several regulars decided to take a road trip out to Elk and ‘Bobby Beacon’s’ bar there – up on a hill overlooking the small town and the ocean beyond. It is owned and run by the Elk Fire Chief of that name and with his generous drinks and the bar’s friendly atmosphere, it is no wonder that this very out-of-the-way location is popular – even the Valley’s Bloyd Family – Amy, Eric, and Mea - make it their regular Saturday night haunt!...
... The recent ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ event was a success according to both those involved and those who attended. Up next, as the community and others try to keep this special place open to one and all, will be a short film and discussion on this very important topic at the 2012 A.V. Film Festival in January...
... The regulars who stayed in town came to the almost unanimous decision that for bar snacks it is very difficult to do better than Lauren’s fries and The Buckhorn’s chicken wings... No argument here...
... A few other customers decided to by-pass the road-trip to the coast, and both the bar snack discussion in the 3-Dot and the Hendy Woods event, to travel down to Rincon Valley just northeast of Santa Rosa, to watch the #2-seeded A.V. High School girls compete in their postseason Volleyball final against the #1 R.V. Christians. And they must be so delighted they did. In what was apparently one of the most amazing games in this program’s long, storied, and very successful history, the Lady Panthers came out on top in a five-set thriller 25-19, 17-25, 25-23, 23-25, 16-14 to clinch their second successive post season title. Many congratulations to the players and Coach ‘Flick’ McDonald...
Well, why not finish on that very high note, I say? I’m outta here... Remember to ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – Happy Thanksgiving!
Answers to the Quiz...
1. Answer c). 102 – 74 males, 28 females. (2 dogs, no Turkey Vultures).
2. Answer d). With only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 – there were just five women remaining! I couldn’t possibly comment further...
3. Answer b). Purple. It was associated with wealth and the upper classes in the Old World at that time.
4. Answer c). Jones. His name was Christopher Jones
5. The Detroit Lions (since 1934) and the Dallas Cowboys play at home on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving.
6. Answer b). A Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had little luck when trying to creep up and capture a wild one for dinner. I suggest you just buy one from Lemons’ Market!
7. Answer a). Pumpkin Pie, although Freshly Squished Squirrel Pie covered in a creamy entrails sauce is the pie of choice here at The Nest.
8. Answer d). All were acceptable – similar to Thanksgiving at The Nest where guests are encouraged to partake in each of these.
9. Answer a). Benjamin Franklin – a great man and obviously a true visionary.
10. Beef. Not even bulls’ testicles or cow eyes. Too bad...
11. True. The Indians easily outnumbered the Pilgrims, more than half of whom had died over that first year.
12. False. It’s always the 4th Thursday of November, even when November has five Thursdays.
13. True. Females do not.
14. True. Yer gotta like that.
15. False. That would be unacceptable, although possibly quite tasty.

# 285 - November 16th, 2011

2011-11-17T10:19:00.001-08:00

Greetings - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Most important duty of the day is to inform you of this month’s A.V. birthday boys and girls. Here we go...Jeanne Nickless, Shirley Harris, Judy Long, Dave Kooyers, Cheryl Rajeski, Gerry bowers, Pat Hulbert, Ginny Camping, and last, but certainly not least, Harold Hulbert...’Happy Birthday!’ one and all...
And almost as important...It would appear that there has been a potentially significant change to the A.V. School Board with the election of Ben Anderson who will replace the recently retired Grace Espinosa on this ‘Gang of Five’ who make many decisions affecting our schools and therefore the children of the Valley. Anderson received 25% of the vote, with the other two ‘winners’ being incumbents Dick Browning (20%) and Marty Bradford (19%) – surely a disappointing endorsement of their efforts in recent times, one has to say. Bradford very narrowly (by 17 votes) edged out Ernie Pardini (18%) to hold on to her seat of twenty-six years standing, while ‘new kid on the block’ Don Harris garnered a creditable 16%. There are still a small number of votes to be counted but it is very unlikely that these positions will change... Let’s hope Mr. Anderson, with his fresh ideas and boundless energy, can follow up on his pre-election mission to ‘clean-up’ the school, both literally and with regard to its many contentious issues, and at the very least possibly bring an end to the very questionable number of 5-0 votes that have dominated the School Board’s decision-making for far too long. As he himself said, “I am very willing to be held accountable – you will see me around the school. I will endeavor to work on the connection between the school and community that many feel is not there. Whether that feeling is right or wrong is irrelevant – many perceive it that way. I genuinely care deeply about this school. This is my home and I want the best for where I come from, where I lived growing up, and for the kids of Anderson Valley’s future.”
And with that in mind, here is your Quote of the Week, from David Broder, Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Washington Post and a political writer for four decades, who wrote, “It is dangerous for a political candidate to say things that people might remember.” I’m very hopeful that Anderson will do his very best to overcome any such ‘danger’ and will ‘walk the walk’ in the ways that he has clearly stated... While I’m here in Quoteville, let’s have another relevant few words from the lighter side – “Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then we did elect them.” That’s from comedienne Lily Tomlin and I can insure you that she did not vote in the election here last week...
Now it’s time for the Public Service Announcements - calendars and pens at the ready... #78 – Tomorrow, Thursday, Nov 17, will see the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital returning to the Valley after a two-month absence due to staff shortages. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm and have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then have to wait a long time. In fact, everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will definitely be seen... #79 – Although it is not the final weekend of the month, that will be the one after Thanksgiving, the Barn Sale is taking place this coming weekend when it will be ‘Christmas in November’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Nov 19 and 20. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early... #80 – ‘Secrets of Salsa’, the bi-lingual cookbook by the Mexican women of the Valley, celebrates its10th Anniversary edition with some new recipes and a book signing on Sat, Nov 19. This will be from 2pm-4pm at The Shed, behind the ice cream store in Boonville – follow the signs... #81 - Dusty Rhodes and Her Handsome Cowboys are at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville on Saturday, Nov 19 with a 9pm show...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Once again a very moving Veterans’ Day event was held last week at the Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way. Despite inclement weather, a crowd of over forty Valley folks, aged from nine to ninety and beyond, showed up to support this poignant occasion honoring those who have given their lives while serving in the military. Special mention was made of the powerful readings by Patty Liddy, Joe Patelle, and John Toohey of letters written by soldiers from the war zones of Vietnam and Iraq to their loved ones back home. No doubt those in attendance had many thoughts about those who had ‘fallen’ and hopefully everyone took a few moments at some point last week to follow the words - ‘We shall remember them’...
... Those regulars who attended the recent wine and mushroom evening at The Buckhorn, Boonville, were full of praise for the delicious five-course dinner prepared by Chef/Owner Tom Towey and his crew, along with the wine pairings provided by Tom Rodrigues of maple Creek Winery... The overwhelming consensus was that hopefully another such evening is already in the works...
... Several of our patrons expressed a desire to pass on their best wishes to Bob ‘Oyster’ Sites for a full recovery from his recent illness. Bob, whose life companion and better-half is school advocate Terry Ryder, is a popular figure on the Valley social scene where his wit, joviality, keen observations, and ability to make short stories long is being missed by many... Miss ya, Bob – get well soon...
... ‘Black Saturday’ for A.V.H.S. sports was a major talking point amongst the regulars at the 3-Dot following November 5th’s last minute defeat for the football team in their regular season championship-deciding game at Pt Arena and the overtime penalty-kick shootout loss by the boys’ soccer team in their play-off game against Emeryville High on the same afternoon... The #2 seeded girls’ volleyball team continues to roll however and will play a play-off semi-final game tonight at home against #3 Mendocino with an appearance in the final on Saturday as their reward for a win...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... So, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 284 - November 9th, 2011

2011-11-10T08:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... This coming Friday (November 11th) is Veterans Day (Remembrance Day in Europe and Canada), and is rightfully regarded as a very important day for observance and commemoration. The actual day marks the anniversary of the end of hostilities in World War One or ‘The Great War’ (the so-called “War to end all Wars” - if only it had been), which took place specifically at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. It is not a day to celebrate victories but rather one to take a moment for remembrance of those who fought, and in many cases gave their lives, in that war and the many since so that our lives may be better today and in the future.
With this in mind, I am going to forego my usual ‘chat and conversation’ and instead present a poem. These very moving words are entitled “Disabled”, a poem written in 1917 by World War One poet, Wilfred Owen, arguably the finest war poet of all. They express the tormented thoughts and recollections of a teenaged soldier in the Great War who has lost his limbs in battle and is now confined, utterly helpless, to a wheelchair. The subject contrasts the living death he is now facing with the youthful pleasures he had enjoyed "before he threw away his knees" and he goes on to recall the impetuous and frivolous circumstances in which he had joined up to fight in the war. He also notes how the crowds that greeted his return were smaller and less enthusiastic than those who cheered his departure, and how women no longer look at him but instead at "the strong men who were whole". In the opinion of many, it is one of the finest anti-war poems ever written. Please read on...
“He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,
And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,
Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park
Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,
Voices of play and pleasure after day,
Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.
About this time Town used to swing so gay
When glow-lamps budded in the light blue trees,
And girl glanced lovelier as the air grew dim---
In the old times, before he threw away his knees.
Now he will never feel again how slim
Girl's waists are, or how warm their subtle hands.
All of them touch him like some queer disease.

One time he liked a blood-smear down his leg,
After the matches, carried shoulder-high.
It was after football, when he'd drunk a peg,
He thought he'd better join.---He wonders why.
Someone had said he'd look a god in kilts,
That's why; and maybe, too, to please his Meg,
Aye, that was it, to please the giddy jilts
He asked to join. He didn't have to beg;
Smiling they wrote his lie: aged nineteen years.
Germans he scarcely thought of; all their guilt,
And Austria's, did not move him. And no fears
Of Fear came yet. He thought of jewelled hilts
For daggers in plaid socks; of smart salutes;
And care of arms; and leave; and pay arrears;
Esprit de corps; and hints for young recruits.
And soon, he was drafted out with drums and cheers.

Some cheered him home, but not as crowds cheer Goal.
Only a solemn man who brought him fruits
Thanked him; and then enquired about his soul.
Now, he will spend a few sick years in institutes,
And do what things the rules consider wise,
And take whatever pity they may dole.
Tonight he noticed how the women's eyes
Passed from him to the strong men that were whole.
How cold and late it is! Why don't they come
And put him into bed? Why don't they come?”

p.s. Wilfred Owen was killed in action at the age of twenty-five, on Nov 4th, 1918, a week before the war ended. Ironically, the telegram from the War Office announcing his death was delivered to his mother's home as her town's church bells were ringing in celebration of the Armistice, signaling the war’s end.
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #251 – The ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ movement of local folks is acting on their words and doing just that, starting on Friday, November 11th at 4pm and going all weekend in their efforts to save that majestic place for all of us to share and enjoy. It will be a time for information sharing, community networking, and discussion as they unite as one clear voice to save our park. The park will close forever in June 2012 if something is not done to save it. Let's not let that happen! More details of the weekend’s activities can be found on the group’s Facebook page... #252 –The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply next Thursday, November 17th to be precise, from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen...
Be careful out there...May your god go with you… Let us pray… Very humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 283 - November 2nd, 2011

2011-11-03T10:17:00.001-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... As Election Day approaches, I’m sure most of you are aware that there is a vote on libraries coming up – the ‘Vote ‘Yes’ on Libraries’ signs are everywhere, although other than that, given the distinct lack of signs, slogans, and political discourse around these parts in general, you might not be aware of an even more important vote taking place - for the A.V. School Board. Yes, folks, five candidates are running for the three open seats on the Board, and this too will be decided upon next Tuesday, November 8th. I just wanted to remind you as nobody else seems to be. Now you know, so please do try to get out to vote – you know it makes sense – and remember, if you do not vote, then any complaining about the government is not really valid…P.S. For further information about the candidates and their thoughts, check out the Candidate Interviews somewhere nearby in this very newspaper...
There are many excellent quotes that have been made on this topic so here we go with my three favorites for your Quotes of the Week... Let’s start with the classic by Abraham Lincoln who unforgettably said, “The ballot is stronger than the bullet.” Up next is drama critic George Jean Nathan’s comment, “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” And finally, one which I think should be followed to the letter here in the Valley, Madonna’s saucy remark, “If you don’t vote, you’re going to get a spankie!” – making it tempting to not vote I would say! I’m (half) kidding...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #343 – On Sat Nov 5 at The Grange on Hwy 128, it’s The Ruth Moody Band with Laurie Lewis and Tom Rozum. This is a benefit for local public radio station, KZYX/Z, and it ‘kicks-off’ at 7pm... #344 – Tuesday, November 8 is Election Day... #345 – It’s the second Tuesday of the month on November 8 and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now - you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So, after your hard day at the polls, I urge you to come along and support this event, and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center... #346 – The ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ movement of local folks is acting on their words and doing just that, starting on Friday, November 11th at 4pm and going all weekend in their efforts to save that majestic place for all of us to share and enjoy.
It will be a time for information sharing, community networking, and discussion as they unite as one clear voice to save our park. The park will close forever in June if something is not done to save it. Let's not let that happen! More details of the weekend’s activities can be found on the group’s Facebook page...
And now to a public service announcement that gets a paragraph of its own... The special Veterans Day (officially Friday Nov 11th) event held annually at Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way will take place this coming Sunday, November 6th at 10.30am It should be stressed that this occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. In terms of taking a deep breath and thinking about what really matters, in my humble opinion, this is one of the more important community gatherings of the year. Despite it’s significance it will take less than an hour so please think seriously about attending... Hopefully I’ll see you there... N.B. A little inclement weather will not postpone this ceremony, after all those we are remembering went through far worse I’m sure, but in the event of significant rain, signs will be posted at the cemetery informing you that we have moved to the Veterans Hall / Senior Center in Boonville. Different place, same time – 10.30am...(Remember to move your clocks BACK earlier that morning)
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... How was your Halloween? Hopefully you did not get caught up in the annual ‘Battle on the Streets of Boonville’ between The Zombies and The Angry Villagers, thankfully won once again by the Villagers. With their burning torches and sharpened pitchforks, the Villagers saved the town from those walking corpses who would no doubt have made things very difficult around here had they been victorious – certainly with their plans to ban all speed limits, bring in a Starbucks and a Taco Bell, invite outsiders to plant even more vines, open a medical marijuana dispensary in the school cafeteria, and shockingly install former Brewery Supremo ‘King’ Ken Allen as Mayor of Anderson Valley. It was a narrow escape and we have much to be thankful for...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “I recently read in this newspaper about the plague of flies in the Valley at this time of year, and its connection to the significant decline in the number of frogs – the flies’ natural enemy – quite likely as a result of the spraying done by the wineries. A winery advocate said, ‘you can’t grow grapes without sulfur, so what if a few frogs go, too?’ Charming, eh? I would respond to such nonsense by mentioning that a couple of months ago I was reliably informed that at one of the winery’s ponds there had been sightings of six-legged frogs! Six-legged frogs! This once again prompts the question, ‘What the hell is been sprayed around here?’... Anyway, after a few more moans and groans, Turkey Vulture and I opened a bottle of Pinot and moved on with our discussions”...
... Yes, we did - showing what hypocrites we are! I love wine, and many of the varietals produced by our locally owned wineries are not to be missed. All I can do to explain my hypocrisy is to refer you to the proverb – “all are not saints that go to church.”... Or to give you yet another Quote of the Week, how about these words from Greek philosopher and tragedy writer, Euripides, “Often a noble face hides filthy ways.” Come on Euri, didn’t you mean, “Often a filthy face hides noble ways”?... Hope you enjoy and get to share these bonus Quotes of the Week with your friends...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. Vote, vote, vote!

# 282 - October 26th, 2011

2011-10-27T08:52:00.001-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I’m sure most of you will have been fascinated by the news story that a U.S. woman had drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed and cut off his penis. A police spokesman in California said, ‘The female cut off his penis with a knife, tossed the penis in the garbage disposal and turned the disposal to the 'on' position. She was arrested on suspicion of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse.’ Isn’t his kind of crime on the increase? In case this phenomenon spreads to the Valley I just thought you should be prepared - well at least half of you...
And here’s some relevant Quotes of the Week that provide a variety of views on the ‘Battle of the Sexes’... "There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper” - feminist Camille Paglia... " I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men” - comedian Dave Barry... “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then” - Katharine Hepburn... “Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats” - Woody Allen... “To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends” - Benjamin Franklin... I like all of these – hope you did too...
And now on to the Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #109 - The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place this Friday, Oct 28, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley beers will be on draft and local wines also available. The Social starts at 6.30pm and Dinner is served at 7pm. Seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details... #110 – The Barn Sale is back this weekend when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early... #111 – Saturday Oct 30 sees the end-of-season pumpkin festival and pot luck at the Boonville Farmers Market. The Market will take place as usual in the Hotel parking lot from 9.30am to noon... #112 – There is a Halloween Party at The Buckhorn that same evening - Saturday, Oct 30... #113 – The Annual Veterans Day event will be held at Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way on Sunday, November 6 at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today... #114 – The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be back in the Valley on Thursday, November 17...
Moving quickly on to a topic that dominated discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge and is summed up by the comments from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’...
Buzzard reports, “Here is an excerpt from the recent article in the S.F. Chronicle by their wine writer Jon Bonné, ‘The past couple years have brought an inevitable changing of hands for many wine properties here, an unparalleled series of sales hastened by the down economy and devastating 2008 wildfires. Influential names had a rare chance to buy into Anderson Valley and they did not hesitate. Napa label Cliff Lede purchased both the young Breggo label and the esteemed Savoy vineyard. Silver Oak bought the Monument Tree vineyard for its Twomey label; Lazy Creek Vineyards, a staple of Mendocino's rustic wine culture, was bought by Healdburg's glitzy Ferrari-Carano; and the ailing Jim Ball property was purchased by a big valley name, Roederer Estate, which intends to make still wine. These followed the arrival of Napa heavies Cakebread and Duckhorn, the latter of which telegraphed a major shift in the Anderson Valley style when it unveiled its Goldeneye wines’... “Well who are most of these people? Do you see them in our post offices or at Philo’s Lemons’ Market of the A.V. Market in Boonville? Do they go to the Senior Centre, shop in town, or have any connection to the schools? This is progress? As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘All progress means war with society.’ I agree with both this wise Irish social commentator and also my good friend, the not quite so wise Turkey Vulture, who commented, ‘At this point in history, clearly the lunatics are running the asylum and isn’t it about time there was some serious discussion about a People’s Revolution and a bit more ‘Occupying’?’... I’m with you, Vulture, it’s time to ‘man the battlements’, raise up the drawbridge, and prepare for ‘war’ as the Apocalypse approaches!”...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the sun still shining and some quite warm days expected, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 281 - October 19th, 2011

2011-10-20T08:22:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The Candidates for the upcoming A.V. School Board were in the public spotlight last week at the High School cafeteria as they introduced themselves to the voters and fielded a series of questions, none of which were particularly difficult to deal with and all five came out of the evening quite well. Towards the end of the evening there were a couple of questions that could have been awkward for some but candidates Ben Anderson and Ernie Pardini handled the two somewhat clumsily worded inquiries by Colin Wilson (wearing his Fire Chief’s uniform) in a dignified, succinct, and sincere manner. There were no specific questions for the other three candidates...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready – there is a lot going on... #104 – The Fall Pledge Drive for our KZYX & Z local public radio will run from Oct 15 to 23... #105 – The Haz Mat vehicle to take away your ‘nasty stuff’ will return to the Valley at the Fairgrounds’ parking lot on Fri/Sat Oct 21/22... #106 – This weekend, on Friday, October 21, the Ashland, Oregon Shakespeare Festival actors will be performing some of the Bard’s works on the stage at The Grange. This event is put on by the Education Foundation and starts with a reception and silent auction at 6.30pm with the show starting at 7.30pm. There will be a no host bar, appetizers, sweets, etc and admission is $20 for adults, $10 18 and Under... #107 - The annual ‘U-Pick Pumpkins and Wagon Rides’ is coming up once again at Gowan’s Oak Tree and Fruit Stand north of Philo. This will take place on Sat/Sun, Oct 22/23, from 11am to 4pm each day, and it’s free!... #108 – High School Student Art is still showing at Lauren’s Restaurant while Cyndee Hollinger’s mixed media art is at Laughing Dog Books...
Take a breath... Onward... #109 - The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Oct 28, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple (locally grown) & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley Beers will be on draft (Poleeko Pale Ale & Boont Amber) and local wines also available...Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville... #110 – The Barn Sale is back at the end of the month when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early, and in the relative calm of the Valley rather than the holiday madness of Ukiah and beyond in the weeks to follow...
And #111 gets a paragraph to itself... It’s an early-ish heads-up for the annual Veterans Day (Friday Nov 11th) event held at Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way. This year it will take place on Sunday, November 6th at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. In terms of taking a deep breath and thinking about what really matters, in my humble opinion, this is one of the more important community gatherings of the year. It will last less than an hour so why not mark it on your calendar today!
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics that arose this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite meeting place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... As mentioned above, Candidate for School Board, Ben Anderson was specifically asked a question at the ‘Meet the Candidates’ gathering last week regarding the apparent concern held by some that he was simply running to ‘stir the pot’ on the Board, being a pawn following the instructions of his father – A.V.A. Supremo, Bruce Anderson. ‘Would he be the son of his father?’ was the final wording. After clearing up any confusion about whether he is ‘the son of his father’, Ben capably dealt with the crux of this somewhat insulting question, politely stating that he had his own ideas as to how the School Board could and should move forward. At the 3-Dot later that evening, Ben shared the fact that “If anyone wants to see how much me and my Dad agree on things they should come to our house at Christmas – it is not pretty!”...
... Talking about ‘pretty’, last week I conducted a poll of 20 high school boys in which I asked how they would vote on a school uniform referendum. Their response was an absolute and unanimous ‘No’ vote. However, when asked how they would vote if it only the girls would be in uniform, it was a unanimous ‘Yes’. They even generously offered to share their thoughts on the design of such a uniform. I don’t think I need to go on...
... What happened to those four wonderful horses, two adults and their offspring, that could be seen grazing in the field alongside Hwy 128 next to Breggo Cellars all summer long? Many readers would appreciate any update, I’m sure...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “I visited Hendy Woods this past weekend. Is there a more perfect location in which to reflect on one’s existence, the meaning of life, and be at one with nature? Not in my experience there isn’t, and the thought that this very special place may be closed to the public due to county cutbacks is surely one of the more distressing signs that the Apocalypse is indeed approaching...”
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 280 - October 12th, 2011

2011-10-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... By the time you read this, the candidates for School Board will have had their public ‘meet and greet’ session at the school cafeteria and hopefully there was a good turnout by the community and each of the potential board members gave a good account of themselves. This upcoming election is one of the more important of the past few years and voter turnout on Nov 8th will surely be higher than the some of poor showings in recent times, particularly given the number of people around here who talk/praise/criticize the education system, the schools, and the kids - this is your chance to walk the walk, folks...
Quotes of the Week... With the election just a few weeks away, here are a few quotes that seem relevant... First up are these words from Elizabeth Cady Stanton, (1815 – 1902), an American social activist, abolitionist, and leading figure of the early woman's movement. “To throw obstacles in the way of a complete education is like putting out the eyes”... Some of the more cynical amongst you might feel Mark Twain was closer to the truth when he said, “In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards”... However, perhaps the most pertinent comment comes from Jonathan Kozol (born 1936), a non-fiction writer, educator, and activist, best known for his books on public education, who said, “More money is put into prison construction than into schools. That, in itself, is a description of a nation bent on suicide. I mean, what’s more precious to us than our children? We’re going to be building a lot more prisons if we don’t deal with the education and school systems in this country”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready – we have a busy few days and weeks ahead... #101 - Pat Hulbert’s Bake Sale will take place on the porch at Lemons Market in Philo at 10am on Saturday, October 15th. All proceeds will benefit the Philo Methodist Church and Pat Hulbert’s cookies, Zuke bread, Huckleberry and Apple pies, and tarts, are not to be missed – they will sell out, I’m sure... #102 – That same morning, Sat Oct 15th, sees The Ukeaholics performing at the Boonville Farmer’s Market. As always, the Market runs from 9.30pm to Noon... #103 – Almost immediately following the Market, right next door at The Hotel, it’s the fundraiser for ‘Cycked’ – the group trying to get a bike trail set up from the Valley to the coast. This event will run from 12.30 to 3pm with food treats and a bike raffle. Tickets are $35 - $50 sliding scale and you can call the Hotel for further details at 895-2210... #104 – The Fall Pledge Drive for our KZYX & Z local public radio will run from Oct 15th to 23rd... #105 – The annual ‘U-Pick Pumpkins and Wagon Rides’ is coming up once again at Gowan’s Oak Tree and Fruit Stand north of Philo. This will take place on consecutive weekends - Sat/Sun, Oct 15/16 and 22/23, from 11am to 4pm each day, and it’s free!... #106 – Due to a shortage of staff once again there will be no visit to the Valley by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital this month – sad but true. We have gone from two visits a month to zero – clearly not a satisfactory situation for anybody. I’ll keep you posted... #107 – The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Oct 28th, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple (locally grown) & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley Beers will be on draft (Poleeko Pale Ale & Boont Amber) and local wines also available...Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Good thoughts - Several regulars have commented on the number of ‘Yes on Libraries’ placards, flyers, and buttons that have appeared around the Valley recently. With an important vote on this issue coming up in the November elections, it is indeed encouraging to find out that there appears to be many people out there who still read books. I was beginning to worry because when at the high school a few weeks ago I heard one senior say to another, “Why would I read a book?” - shocking yet true. Meanwhile, I’ll buy a beer for the first person to tell me where there is a ‘No on Libraries’ sign...
... Moans and groans - From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Apparently there are people in the Valley who order tickets for events on will call (i.e. pick them up and pay for them at the door on the night) and then either don’t show up or fail to call to cancel their tickets, which, if they did, would thus enable the organizers to sell them to somebody else. This is irritating enough when tickets could be purchased by others for any otherwise sold out event, but it is particularly disappointing, and surely a sign of the’ Approach of the Apocalypse’, when the event in question is a fundraiser for our local seniors...”
... Rampant Rumors – there are none this week. Well none that I can share for public consumption in a family newspaper!
I’m outta here... With the rain passed we are expecting more days of warm weather so it is worth remembering to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 279 - October 5th, 2011

2011-10-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... It’s raining! Well, it is that time of year and hopefully everyone got their roofs fixed, gutters cleared, wood piles tarped, and whatever else under cover before the downpours of the last day or two. No doubt this was a topic of conversation wherever you went in the Valley over the past few days which reminds me that it was Charles Dudley Warner (September 12, 1829 – October 20, 1900), an American essayist, novelist, and friend of Mark Twain who amusingly commented, “Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” And that is your Quote of the Week...
Onward to the Public Service Announcements - calendars and pens at the ready... #423 - This week’s Boonville Farmer’s Market gathering in the parking lot at The Boonville Hotel (Sat, Oct 8th) will feature all the usual goodies, plus music from The Hubbert’s – Leslie and Michael. It’s all happening between 9.30am and noon... #424 - It’s the second Tuesday of the month on October 11th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now - you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center... #425 – The A.V. Community Action Coalition is putting on an event at the high school cafeteria at which the public can meet the candidates who are running for the School Board. This will take place on Tuesday, Oct 11th at 6.30pm... #426 – There is an Abalone Festival in Ft. Bragg later this week and the Steele Wines Harvest Festival in Kelseyville also sometime soon, I think, but both are non-Valley events taking people and their money out of town so, in my humble opinion, who cares?...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Many regulars are already looking forward to the ‘Meet the Candidates’ event mentioned above. The five runners going for the three open positions are incumbents Marti Bradford and Dick Browning, along with Ben Anderson, Ernie Pardini, and Don Harris. One can only hope that those elected will ‘do the right thing’ and provide some ideas on how to get through these difficult times for our local public education... Having said that, hopefully the questions they are asked are not pre-screened, thus allowing the candidates to show an ability to think on their feet and express themselves is an articulate and thoughtful way... Unfortunately, I have a feeling this may not be the case - with regards to whether the questions are pre-screened or not that is!...
... Talking of ‘community service’ in a slightly different way, it would be hard to beat the wonderful efforts of Cory Morse and her crew of assistant cooks, servers, and dishwashers who last Friday evening served a really delicious fried chicken dinner to the sixty guests at the sold out ‘Guest Chef Dinner’ event to benefit the Senior Center. The chicken was delicious, as were all the fixings, but perhaps my personal highlight was the apple pie (made with Jonathon apples) with a crumbly top served with Cow’s Lick ice cream. Words fail me, apart from one - ‘orgasmic’... Next month (Oct 28th) the event will have an Oktoberfest theme with A.V. Brewery general manager, Fal Allen, as the guest chef. Details to follow...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “The words ‘No collar, no tags’ are seen and heard time after time on the ‘missing dog’ reports in the Valley. What is wrong with dog owners who neglect their ‘beloved’ pet in this way? How do they expect to retrieve their missing dog without what should be a basic requirement of dog ownership. This is easily done... Assuming Internet connection and a credit card are available, go to www.tagxpress.com, make a simple choice, pay les than $10 and the tag will arrive in a week or so. As for the collar? Try the Farm Supply, Lemons, A.V. Market... Your dog loves you unconditionally, it’s the least you can do...”
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until next time - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 278 - September 28th, 2011

2011-09-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Update from the A.V.A.’s Supreme Leader Bruce Anderson, who has been quite ill of late with various ‘old gentlemen’ ailments – “My doctors told me Wednesday that they thought there was a good chance I would die on Tuesday evening. It was very close. I'm still pretty weak but expect to be back in Boonville in two or three weeks. For now I've got to stay close to the doctors. And I just had my first grandchild this morning, a boy at 8 pounds 13 ounces. It's been a busy week...” Wow! The efforts some special people will go to so as to not leave a ‘footprint’ and, in this case, have no effect on an already over-populated Earth – this man should be canonized! Long live, St. Bruce!
Public Service Announcements… #284 – Sold out! I’m talking about the sixty tickets for the upcoming Guest Chef Dinner benefiting the Senior Center on Friday, Sept 30th, when chef Cory Morse will be serving Garden marinated salad and, using Janie Morse’s (of Janie’s Place fame) secret recipe for her Famous Pan Fried buttermilk chicken, Rosemary Pesto, Red Potatoes, Fire Roasted Corn, Crunch Top Apple Pie a la mode, all with a complimentary glass of wine. The next such event is the last Friday of the month – October 28th. I’ll keep you posted... #285 – This Saturday morning’s Farmer’s Market in the Boonville hotel parking lot features music by the ‘Free Marketeers’ and the apple press will be available for juicing. It’s 9.30am to noon and well worth the visit... #286 – Throughout October, Laughing Dog Books will feature the mixed media art of Cindy Hollinger. I’m sure it too will be well worth a visit – and certainly the opportune time to get that reading habit back again as the short days approach... #287 – Talking of art, the high school show continues through October at Lauren’s Restaurant where you can enjoy the works and then a pulled pork sandwich which continues to be a very popular item, although it will be available for just a short time longer...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Several regulars at The 3-Dot suggested I reply to parent Nancy MacLeod and Bruce ‘I can quote Voltaire’ Patterson following their letters in response to the recent ‘bring back school uniform’ comments expressed herein. To be honest I think it is already 2-0 to me and it’s time to move on...
... Who knew? 3-Dot regulars who enjoy their Monday Night Football at The Buckhorn, with good beers and spicy wings of course, were delighted to find out that those wings are now ½-price ($5) all day and night on Mondays! I fully expect to pay $10 for such a meal and Hummingbird kindly gives me that for my Monday night food allowance – I guess that means a double plate!...
... From 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... “Perhaps the Apocalypse is even closer than I thought as one Valley gentlemen regularly feels he is able to only tip 25 cents when dining out at various Valley establishments... This is almost as shocking as the bible-bashers who leave little ‘Jesus cards’ instead of a tip, reminding the hard-working wait-staff that they will go to hell unless they accept Jesus into their hearts... What is going on?”
...A betting pool has started amongst regulars at The 3-Dot to see who can correctly guess the number of tourists in the months of September and October whom I personally spot feverishly picking raspberries on the side of the road on Hwy 128 between Boonville and Navarro... Bonus points are available to those who also guess the number who are in a thicket of poison oak as they unsuspectingly gather their ‘amazing’ find...
And that leads somewhat obliquely into the Quote of the Week, this time from the brilliant mind of Irish playwright and socialist, George Bernard Shaw. Incidentally he is the only person to win both a Nobel Prize (for Literature in 1925) and an Oscar (Best Screenplay in 1938 for ‘Pygmalion,’ later ‘My Fair Lady’) – now you know and can impress friends! But I digress - G.B.S. wisely noted, “Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich – something for nothing.” Meanwhile, with four weeks to go, it’s 17 raspberry pickers, of which 7 were obviously unaware of the ‘gamble’ they were taking as they picked merrily away, entrenched amongst poison oak...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... But first, with the hot weather still with us, despite the showers on Sunday, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 277 - September 21st, 2011

2011-09-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The early reports on attendance at this year’s County Fair in the Valley were encouraging and Fair Manager Jim Brown thinks it will be better overall than two years ago, last year not being a good comparison as numbers were low due to inclement weather. Meanwhile, how about a few brief Vulture-esque observations on this year’s event?...
Friday night saw the High School Homecoming activities take place with a big win for boys soccer against Mendocino and narrow defeats for girls soccer (against Calistoga) and the football team, who went down to Point Arena in a game they perhaps should have won, after holding a half-time lead and spurning many second half chances. This year’s Homecoming King and Queen were Irving Jimenez and Mariela Espinoza, and hard-working elementary school secretary, Nicole McClain, won the $4200 in the 50/50 raffle! I can only assume she’ll get me a beer next time I see her at The Buckhorn – surely it would be rude of her not to... I decided to save my ‘Corn dog experience’ until late on Saturday, just before I would leave for the cozy confines of my own bathroom, and went instead for the cheeseburger at the Ambulance concession stand – very good, I must say. Many, many familiar faces were assembled in the alumni section of the grandstand for the games and I never did make it down to the rides and exhibition halls, although word did reach me that Cindy Hollinger’s garden installation had won the first prize – ‘way to go, girl!’ as they say... Anyway, I ate, drank a little, and was merry, but left the scene at about 9.30pm and headed for The Nest in anticipation of a very busy Saturday...
On Saturday afternoon I found myself hovering around the Lions Club beer booth as Hummingbird toiled away behind the bar. This is probably as good a spot as any to see many of my favorite Valley folks and three of them, Amy Bloyd, son Eric, and daughter Mea regaled me with news that Mea had won first prize for her Jar of Cookies, second for her Carrot Cake, and third for her Apple crumble! Meanwhile Eric had won the first prize in the scarecrow competition with his very scary depiction of deceased stepfather, Richard Reitz, a former Fairgrounds employee. Eric reminded me that last year his scarecrow based on his mother had also claimed the top prize!... I also thoroughly enjoyed my time with Bill and Eva Holcomb and after discussions with several other old-timers it was discovered that Eva has the record for most Fairs attended – SEVENTY-THREE!!! She has not missed one since first attending as a four year old in 1938. Surely at this point Eva eats, drinks, and goes on as many rides as she likes – all for free?!... Talking of rides, Saturday’s joyous mood was brought crashing down when I discovered that there were no bumper cars this year. A Fair without bumper cars is just not right and a full inquiry into this grievous error is being held as I write... With Hummingbird in charge of transport, I was able to have several beers before enjoying Saturday’s culinary highpoint found at the sausages and curly fries stand, run once again very efficiently by the always friendly and hospitable Dwayne. This change of plan meant that I delayed my Corn dog exploits for a further twenty-four hours...
Sunday saw a very sluggish start up at The Nest and the sheep dog trials and parade were missed – not for the first time, it has to be said. However, I did get there by about 2pm and took over the A.V.A. booth from the overworked Bruce McEwen. Over the next three hours I was visited by many people and even sold several t-shirts, books, and newspapers subscriptions. The visitors included Supervisor Dan Hamburg, explaining that his daughter’s planned medical marijuana dispensary in town was not providing anything near as harmful as the hard liquor stocked by the nearby A.V. Market and Pick and Pay establishments – somewhat true, I guess; Cory Morse – Valley caterer bar none; ‘Young’ George Gowan who didn’t buy a t-shirt; Mark Pittner, Valley carpenter and proud new owner of an A.V.A. t-shirt; an Englishman who got me a beer but then ‘passed wind’ in the booth as if I had to pay some sort of compensation for his kind gesture – odd people, the English; Tim Bates, who like the smelly Englishman also bought me a beer but was very pleasant about it; Dennis Busse, yet another kind man who went to the beer stand on my behalf; Tamara Karsay, carrying her three-week old granddaughter and seven goldfish she had bought from a stall and was going to keep in her luxury fish tank and thus rescue from the certain death that befalls so many that are won as prizes; Karen Ottobani, who shares many of my thoughts about Valley life; Bill Harper – likewise; Pearl Basehore and husband Scott who were very generous with the curly fires; and a very attractive woman from Comptche who had never read the paper but who was going to start doing so after listening to my spiel!... I had a wonderful time and left with a 5” corn dog – which was delicious and had no after-affects! I love the Fair!...
Public Service Announcements… #103 – It’s the final weekend of the month and that means it’s time for another Barn Sale. As always, it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, Sept 24th/25th; and the bbq grill will be operating on both days!... #104 – Due to a shortage of staff there will be no visit by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital this month – sad but true. Even more disappointing news is that at this point in time there are no plans for a visit in October either. We have gone from two visits a month to zero – clearly not a satisfactory situation for anybody. I’ll keep you posted... #105 – The cooler weather is approaching and your flu shots are due. These are being offered at the A.V. Senior Center in Boonville, sponsored by Rite Aid Pharmacy, on Tuesday, Sept 27th from 4pm to 6.30pm. Appointments are not necessary and you can call 895-3609 for further details... #106 – The next Guest Chef Dinner to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Sept 30th, when chef Cory Morse will be serving Garden marinated salad and, using Janie Morse’s (of Janie’s Place fame) secret recipe, her Famous Pan Fried buttermilk chicken, Rosemary Pesto, Red Potatoes, Fire Roasted Corn, Crunch Top Apple Pie a la mode (i.e. with ice cream), all with a complimentary glass of wine. Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests. Beer and wine will be available and tickets are selling fast, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville... And remember – you just can’t get traditional and real fried chicken like this anywhere these days...
I’m almost outta here... But first a reminder that with the hot weather still with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 276 - September 14th, 2011

2011-09-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Just the one Public Service Announcement this week… The Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show is here!
I’m sure I don’t have to remind anyone around these parts of that but for my readers in the Rest of the World and the A.V. Chamber of Commerce, this coming weekend (Friday 16th – Sunday 18th) will see Boonville once again host The County Fair, or as it is commonly called – ‘The Best Little Fair in the West!’ All the usual events (Rodeo, Sheep Dog Trial, Apple Cup Soccer, Apple Bowl Football, music with Dean Titus and The Coyote Cowboys, games, rides, etc, etc) will be taking place, plus the many exhibitions and displays that show off the County’s best livestock and all the various talents that so many people in the county possess. With food and drink in plentiful supply and so many familiar faces to see, I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be there...
With The Fair as the obvious theme this week, here’s a little quiz for your enjoyment… Answers at the end…
1. In which year did the Fair first feature Sheep Dog Trials?
2. How many Mendocino County Fairs have happened up to now?
3. How holds the record for being the longest serving Fair Manager?
4. According to local folklore, what occurred on the Saturday night of The Fair in 1949?
Moving quickly on to discussions this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Here’s some intriguing questions that were raised at The 3-Dot in the past few days about this weekend’s County Fair... Will the attendance be an increase on last year’s disappointing numbers?... How much money, if any, will the Fair Board donate to high school sports? Given that school football and soccer games will attract large crowds there is no school sports booster concession stand allowed. This is despite the fact that the Friday night games will also be this year’s Homecoming games – an evening that normally brings in significant funds when held at The Fairgrounds on a different weekend, as it always has in the past... Will the infamous “Large-breasted Boonville Flasher’ once again expose herself to Sheriff Tom Allman as he rides in the Parade?... Will ‘King’ Ken Allen, former A.V. Brewery owner and last place finisher in the unofficial A.V. Mayor’s election a couple of years ago, show his face? If he does, will he then do his usual trick of pushing in at the front of the line for the Prather Dinner on Saturday night?... Is Pickles the Clown going to show up and scare lots of small children?... Will any local teenage girls run off with a Carny?... Will any local school boys run off and become a Carny?... Will the corn dogs be as good and as unhealthy as ever?... And most importantly, will I win the Carrion-Eating Contest for the fifth year in succession?... All this, and possibly more, will be revealed this coming weekend...
... At this point in our discussions I got up on my perch behind the bar and gave my annual pre-Fair speech to the assembled masses in the 3-Dot – “I would like to remind some of you, particularly the younger generation, that it is not all about the carnival rides and looking cool with your date – important though such pastimes certainly are. Try to also check out the various display halls of arts, crafts, agriculture, etc, along with the impressive livestock corrals, the traditional rodeo, and the always-exciting sheep dog trials. This Fair is a really unique event and one of a dying breed, so why not broaden your horizons and enjoy everything ‘The Best Little Fair in the West’ has to offer? In my humble opinion, that would be cool too. Trust me on this; you can thank me later”...
... Moving on... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes a follow-up report in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Having pointed out the declining standards in student dress codes last week, Buzzard now reports, “I flew over to Europe and performed many hours of research into the school systems over there - it appears that the vast majority of public high schools now enforce the wearing of school uniforms. The movement against uniforms had its way for about thirty years or more from the mid-seventies but, over the last several years, uniforms are have been re-introduced and have successfully countered the disturbing trends amongst schoolchildren as they compete to look ‘cool’. Apart from the facts that uniforms are less expensive than trendy clothes, and that the kids look smart and ready for academic study, they even feel a greater sense of pride in their school and I actually think it also raises their I.Q.’s a little too”... Once again, The Buzzard calls it like it is...
And with that said, here is a related Quote of the Week... It comes from that Greek writer of famous fables, Aesop, whose wise metaphor on clothes goes, “It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds”... Let’s hope the kids know what a metaphor is and act accordingly...
I’m outta here... But first - with the hot weather still with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose.. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. In 1976 was the first year of the sheep dog trials. The dogs and their handlers will be dealing with the often-irrational sheep once again at the usual time – Sunday, Sept 18th at 10am…
2. There have been 83 Fairs since the first one in 1927, making this year’s the 84th…Actually, the first eleven Fairs were called “The Apple Show” – indicating the importance of apples at that time in the valley’s history. It was not until 1938 that the first “Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show” took place.
3. Harwood June was Manager for 19 years from 1937 to 1956, narrowly edging out Jim Clow who later served for 17 years.
4. On that infamous night over sixty years ago there were a reported fourteen separate fights at The Fair. Just boys (and girls?) having a little fun, I’m sure, and just an old-style Valley ‘welcome’ for some of the newly arrived Okies and Arkies. It wouldn’t be too long (well, twenty years or so) before these groups got together and gave a similar ‘welcome’ to the hippies and back-to-the-landers. Good for them, I say.
Now go out and ‘Get your Fair on’!!!

# 275 - September 7th, 2011

2011-09-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Can I just say, with some emphasis, that every events/fundraisers at the Senior Center is for people of ALL AGES! This includes the twice-weekly lunches and dinners. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say that they thought the Senior Center events were for seniors only, I would own a winery by now!...
Well, ‘The-Talk-of-the-Town’ continues to be about the proposed Medical Marijuana Dispensary in the heart of Boonville, in-between Lauren’s Restaurant and the Live Oak Building, where The Valley Bible Fellowship group meets. Various public meetings are in the works to discuss this issue, starting with one last night at Lauren’s, for which the new dispensary ‘managers’ have distributed a very interesting flyer informing the reader that the owners will be present to discuss the new business and answer concerned citizens’ questions. It continues to be a very contentious topic but I can confirm that there is no truth to the rumor that, in an effort to placate the disgruntled neighbors, the new proprietors have offered enticing discounts on medical marijuana, t-shirts, and paraphernalia to all members of the Valley Bible Fellowship, providing of course that the Fellowship members can produce valid prescriptions from a doctor. I can also inform those readers, who are unaware, that the name of this establishment is ‘Mendocino Generations’, a name chosen by the owners in a narrow decision over both ‘Budville’ and ‘The Anderstoned Valley Alternative Health Center’. Wise decision, I’d say...
A final comment on this issue for now is that information has reached me of a mildly upset group of passionate marijuana smokers who are planning to arrange a planning meeting to make plans to announce plans to hold a public meeting to protest the ‘bogus and totally uncool’ Bible Fellowship meetings in downtown Boonville. They point out that these biblical gatherings, which attract people with quite strong religious beliefs and who sometimes hang around outside the building, blatantly brandishing bibles in their hands, are held at a venue that is not only right across the street from our County Fair but also next-door-but-one to Lauren’s family restaurant where impressionable children often enjoy lunch on Sundays... This promises to be an interesting few weeks and my advice, for what it's worth, is to “smile, but be serious” and let's all try to get along. After all, it is the Bible – Leviticus, Chapter 19, Verse 18, to be precise, which clearly states “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” – and that’s your Quote of the Week!...
While I am spreading the love, how about something positive in this often-critical newspaper about our local public radio station – the much maligned, yet not always justifiably, KZYX & Z? Having instructed my Local Media Correspondent, Bald Eagle, to do some research, he has come up with the fact that the current regime, under the guidance of Station Manager John Coate, has brought the station’s debt down from over $200K to less than $50K in two years. I’m sure the curmudgeons amongst you will have something negative to say about this somehow, or just have the usual complaints about the station and some of its programmers, some of which comments I have been known to share, but how about giving them their due on this? Well done to one and all, I say, keep it up – we need our local radio!
Public Service Announcements… #131 – This week’s Boonville Farmer’s Market gathering in the parking lot at The Boonville Hotel will feature all the usual goodies, plus music from The Hubbert’s – Leslie and Michael. It’s all happening between 9.30am and noon... #132 – From 11am to 4pm on Sunday September 11th it’s Heirloom Tomato Tasting Day at Handley Cellars Winery on Hwy 128 between Philo and Navarro – now you know... #133 – Also on Sunday 11th, it’s the weekly oysters, champagne and sangria social at the Hotel from 4.30pm until the oysters are all gone – now that is a splendid way to spend a Sunday I must say... #134 – It’s the second Tuesday of the month on Sept 13th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you may have read somewhere - you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center... And finally, #135 – County Fair time in Boonville is just around the corner – Sept 16th-18th – just thought you might like to be reminded...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “The state of dress at the high school is certainly a sign of our declining standards as a nation and the effect of the mass media, in all its forms, on our young people’s sheep-like tendencies. Although the high school administration is making some progress in their efforts to enforce the new dress code, this well-intended move is apparently not easy to put into effect and many of the kids continue to dress as if they are at Club Med rather than at a high school. I cannot help but think that it would be far less of a problem if the kids were sent home immediately if not dressed appropriately, and it would certainly help if the parents stepped up and played their part in imposing this too”... I couldn’t agree more, Buzzard. And can someone please remind me again of the argument against school uniform?...
... Having heard all that from The Old Buzzard, I would like to just add that one hopes the teachers and staff are also appropriately dressed. Flip-flops and beachwear are surely off limits to one and all, one would hope...
... Another regular stopped by over the weekend and informed me that the Food Shed Gang, those kings and queens of the pot luck, had met last week to eat, drink, and be merry in their own way at their quarterly gathering, held at The General Store in Boonville. One item discussed was The ‘Not-so-Simple’ Living Fair held a month or so ago, in which this group played a large part. Apart from the kudos that permeated the room, in many cases very deservedly so, it appears that the group are considering a new name, if indeed they decide to go ahead and do another event next year, and the rumor is that my suggestion of ‘The Complicated Living Fair’ is being considered... I should add that another rumor, one that says Corporal Raindrop arrived for the pot luck with two sticks of celery and a piece of bread, is completely unfounded...
Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? Surely not – I kid the Captain... I’m outta here... But before I do, let’s not forget that the hot weather is still with us so please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 274 - Aug 31st, 2011

2011-09-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Labor Day weekend is virtually upon us and whilst it’s not the ‘Mother of All Holidays’ – that is obviously Thanksgiving, it is still a pretty good one as we celebrate the economic and social achievements of workers. Labor Day has its origins in the labor union movement, specifically the eight-hour day movement, which advocated eight hours for work, eight hours for recreation, and eight hours for rest – seems about fair, although personally I continue to question the eight hours for work part. To me it also means that the kids are back in school where they belong and up here at The Nest it signifies a weekend overflowing with the old classics - fried chicken, hamburgers, corn dogs, coleslaw, potato salad, lemonade, corn on the cob, baked beans and sliced tomatoes. Finish up with sliced watermelon, apple pie, and freshly churned ice cream... Oh, and a few sips of beer and wine too of course - it would be un-workmanlike not to...
So inevitably, for your Quote of the Week, I offer these words about ‘work’ from French writer, historian, philosopher, and wit, Voltaire, who said “Work spares us from three great evils – boredom, vice, and need.”... That’s all very well but, in my humble opinion, Oscar Wilde was far more perceptive with his remark, “Work is the curse of the drinking classes”... Enjoy your weekend!...
Public Service Announcements… #78 – It’s the Yorkville Ice Cream Social, Barbecue and Book Sale! On Monday, Sept 5th - Labor Day, from 10 to 4 at the Yorkville Community Center. Over 4500 high quality Used Books for sale at 50 cents an inch! This includes many children's and young adult books, fiction, non-fiction, whatever your reading preferences may be. They will have a treasure tent with antique books, coffee table books and brand new best sellers as well as CD's and DVD's with nothing over $5. The main event for some will be, of course, the Ice Cream and BBQ oysters and the now famous ‘Cake Walk’! Best of all, all the proceeds benefit the Fire Department and Scholarship Fund... And now let’s catch up on some of the events/services that happen every month... Every Tuesday 1.30pm – 4.30pm and Saturday 2pm – 4pm it’s the A.V. Lending Library run by The Unity Club at The Fairgrounds... Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, The A.V Museum at the Little Red Schoolhouse building is open from 1pm to 4pm... Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday, The County Dump is open from 9am – 4pm... And finally, every 1st and 3rd Tuesday and every Thursday it’s the Senior Center Lunch at 12.15pm; on the 2nd Tuesday it’s Dinner and Bingo night at 6pm; and on the last (4th or 5th) Tuesday it’s dinner at 6pm...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... So the ‘powers-that-be’ have decided that this year’s Homecoming sports events are to take place at the County Fair. Girls soccer (3pm), Boys Soccer (5pm) and Football (7pm) will take place as usual on that Friday Fair Day but the teams also normally get to have an evening dedicated to Homecoming alone, at which money is raised for these financially struggling sports programs. Now that the games are at the Fair the money will not be forthcoming... Why was this done? Is any money going to be donated by the Fair to the school sports? I think we should be told...
... Meanwhile, on that same topic, boys soccer coach and A.V.A. contributor Steve Sparks popped in to the 3-Dot and informed me that the Fundraiser for Fall Sports, held a week or so ago at The Grange, raised over $2600 for soccer (boys and girls), football, volleyball, and cheerleading. He wished to thank the community for their support, the many volunteers for their wonderful efforts, and particularly the organizing committee he worked with - Palma Toohey, Renée Lee, Jennifer Espinoza, and Kerri Sanchez - someone suggested that these guys should run for Fair Board. Who would vote against them?...
... Talking of Boards, having being informed that none of the candidates in the upcoming School Board election will be allowed to hold their events at The 3-Dot due to the very strict entry requirements, Ben Anderson decided to begin his campaign in earnest with a ‘meet and greet’ last Sunday evening at The Buckhorn, Boonville... It was a well-attended event with people from many different Valley ‘walks of life’ who no doubt enjoyed the delicious hors d’ouevres and who created a very positive feeling throughout the evening. Ben, along with incumbents Martha ‘Marti’ Bradford and Richard ‘Dick’ Browning, and new candidates Ernie Pardini and Don Harris, are the five folks seeking the three positions available. For providing the spicy wings alone, surely Ben is the current front-runner...
... Last Friday saw the second in the series of Guest Chef Dinners to benefit the Senior Center - and what a delicious feast it was! Chef Diana Charles, with great assistance from family members, served up a wonderful chicken marsala with abundant Italian salad and garlic bread, and an outstanding blackberry cobbler and ice cream for dessert... Special mention should go to Bill Teague for his all-dayer on the chopping and dicing for which he received his official journeyman credentials in those trades, not to mention his top class job on the washing up – somebody suggested that perhaps he should quit his day job... Next Guest Chef Dinner will be on September 30th, the last Friday as usual, with Chef Corey Morse...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather still with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 273 - Aug 24th, 2011

2011-08-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Coming up on the ballot in November will be the election of new school board members and there are already some very interesting developments as new candidates have now been announced. I have tried to find out exactly who is running and hopefully this information is correct. Up for re-election is long-standing President, Marty Bradford, along with Dick Browning, a board member for a number of years also, who apparently had planned to step down but has now decided to return. Two new candidates will be Ben Anderson, school baseball coach and A.V. graduate (class of 1990), and Ernie Pardini, class of 1972, Anderson Valley born and bred, and from a family who came here many, many decades ago. Hopefully I will find out more soon, but it would appear that with Grace Espinoza resigning, three of these four candidates will be joining Erica Lemons and Ydira Mendoza on a board that will have some very significant decisions to make over the next couple of years...
With this in mind, there is obviously going to be a period of serious debate and conflicting views in the Valley over the next couple of months. It also means that you can expect a few relevant Quotes of the Week to hopefully enjoy as we experience the wonderful democratic process in action. This week we start off with this basic premise from the American critic and magazine editor, George Jean Nathan (1882-1958) who said, “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” Yes folks, get registered and make a difference...
Public Service Announcements…#305 – Tomorrow, Thursday, Aug 25th, sees the vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital coming to the Valley for their monthly visit. This will be at the A.V. Farm Supply on Hwy 128 north of Philo from 2pm to 3.30pm. If your pet has shots due, or for most of your animal’s needs, this provides a great convenience for pet owners in the Valley that deserves your support, as does the Farm Supply which provides this invaluable service. And please note – due to the shortage of vets, there will be no vet visit in September!... #306 – The 2nd Guest Chef Dinner to benefit the Senior Center will take place this Friday, Aug 26th, when chef Diana Charles will be serving a traditional Italian dinner, featuring Chicken marsala, followed by a blackberry cobbler dessert and a complimentary glass of wine. Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests. Beer and wine will be available and tickets, which sold out for last month’s event, are selling fast, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville... #307 - It’s the final weekend of the month so that means it’s time for another Barn Sale. As always, it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, Aug 27th/28th...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley - where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... In light of the upcoming election, perhaps I should not have been surprised to receive a request to place some flyers in The 3-Dot’s front window endorsing one of the tickets. Look out for the “Bernie Andini for School Board – We care because we were there!” posters to appear soon!...
... A couple of regulars were at Lauren’s Restaurant last week to check out the General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz held every Thursday evening. They informed us that The Major – the A.V.A.’s own Mark Scaramella, won for the second consecutive week when this shameless ‘quiz mercenary’ signed on with well-traveled Brit, Jeff Thomas, and a team of young interns from the Boonville Hotel to form a very strong, multi-generational team that won on a tie-break question over The LURJ (Lee, Ursula, Rob, Judy)... The quiz-goers also raved about the superb Pulled Pork sandwich, served with corn on the cob and Lauren’s delicious fries... Sounds like the perfect evening for groupies of the Major and admirers of a summer sandwich classic...
... “Young” George Gowan popped his head in at The 3-Dot on Sunday and said he no longer wanted his name to appear in the paper. I believe I made this ‘mistake’ over two years ago, but he can rest assured I will not do it again...
... It would appear that the Friday evening happy hour scene has taken off at The Buckhorn, Boonville, based on the reports of regulars who were in attendance as a large crowd of revelers ate and drank heartily there last week... The bar was packed, and the beer garden heaving; there was even a crowd of schoolteachers from our local high school in attendance... This was something of a surprise to some – particular those, including many school students, who were at a loss to explain why none of their teachers were in attendance at the high school fall sports’ fundraiser the following evening at the Grange... I have to wonder too – why was that?...
... Finally from The 3-Dot this week, it’s a few words from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “For some spurious reasons, this year there has been no County Fair Booklet distributed for this year’s event – this is the reference book-sized publication containing the details/rules for all of the various categories of events/crafts/livestock/etc that are included in the Fair for competition, plus the accompanying entrance forms. People have been quite upset by this situation, particularly now that many have missed the deadline (Friday Aug 19th) to enter their exhibit. I asked around and the ‘broken printer’ explanation just does not suffice. So once again it is like pulling teeth to get a satisfactory explanation to the kind of odd Valley conundrum that we often seem to experience...
Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? Surely not? Oh, well, I guess I’ll get my coat and leave... Anyway, before I go, with the hot weather still with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too, I suppose. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 272 - Aug 17th, 2011

2011-08-18T11:29:00.001-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... “I was stuck in traffic in Philo” is an unheard phrase in these parts but it was the ‘talk of the town’ for most of last week and the frustrations for some are not over yet as the resurfacing of Hwy 128 continues. I’m sure everyone has by now shared their own tale of woe and there is little I can add. I am told that it will not end soon with more work continuing north west to Mill Creek near to Clark Road, and then the long section from the C.D.F. station, south of Boonville, to the Sonoma County Line surely which is surely going to be a major headache for some. However, according to my sources, the road between Boonville and the Indian Creek Bridge just outside Philo is NOT being resurfaced at this time, although a few temporary fixes have been made along this section so negotiating those few miles of serious pothole-dodging has been lessened somewhat. Meanwhile, many people have complained about the long delays, often over 30 minutes at a time, and some question why the work isn’t being done in the middle of the night. I say ‘come on, get over it!’ As someone who has repeatedly complained about the rapid decline in the condition of Hwy 1287 over the past year, I must now say that the job is being completed in record time, by a private (profit-making) company using two shifts a day, and they are doing a splendid job. Sure, it’s a little annoying at times, but the end result will be well worth it in terms of the decrease in wear and tear on your vehicles and the new, wonderfully smooth drive along the Valley floor. Dare I say, in comparison to how the road was before, driving along it now is almost orgasmic...
Talking of which, here is your Quote of the Week, which for the first time mentions the word ‘orgasm’! It’s from American comic genius (in my opinion), George Carlin - “The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first; get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months gently floating around...and then you finish off as an orgasm”.... Wow - yer gotta like that!...
Public Service Announcements… #304 – This Saturday, August 20th, is the 2nd Annual Fundraiser for High School Fall Sports – Soccer, Football, Cheerleading, and Volleyball. It is at The Grange at 7pm, following the High School Alumni Soccer tournament that takes place from noon to 5pm that day at Tom Smith Field, next to the high school. The fundraising event requests a $10 donation that will get you into an evening featuring a $5 Mexican dinner, $3 beer and wine, and the d.j. sounds of Alex Favella – I hope to see you there. Tickets are available at Lemons Market in Philo and All that Good Stuff in Boonville, or on the door at The Grange on the night... #305 – Next week sees the return to the Valley of the vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital for their monthly visit. This will be on Thursday Aug 25th at the A.V. Farm Supply on Hwy 128 north of Philo from 2pm to 3.30pm. If your pet has shots due and for most of your animal’s needs, this is an invaluable service to the Valley that deserves your support... #306 – The 2nd Guest Chef Dinner to benefit the Senior Center will take place on the last Friday of the month, Aug 26th, when chef Diana Charles will be serving a traditional Italian dinner, featuring Chicken marsala, followed by a blackberry cobbler dessert and a complimentary glass of wine. Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests. Beer and wine will be available and tickets, which sold out for last month’s event, are selling fast, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville...
Talk of the cheerleaders being one of the school teams to benefit from this weekend’s benefit at the Grange leads me to comment about the fine job these girls, led by coach Kerri Sanchez and Grandma Joy, did at their car wash fundraiser last week. They toiled away from noon to 6pm and business was very brisk, with many satisfied customers leaving healthy tips for a job well done. This group of sixteen girls has been, to be frank, neglected by the school in some ways but hopefully with this weekend’s fundraiser and their continued hard work at other events – waiting tables at crab feeds and St Patrick’s Day functions, they will get the recognition they deserve and funds will be found every year to help maintain these girl’s chosen sport at A.V. High...
Well if this past weekend wasn’t the ‘Mother of All’ party weekends, I don’t know what was! As I zoomed around the Valley on Saturday afternoon I barely had time to stop and eat the dead skunk on the road by Handley Cellars... My first stop was at Robert and Nicola Anderson-Miner’s lovely home up in Bell Valley where they threw a small and impromptu, but absolutely delightful pool party. With Robert behind the poolside bar producing some of the finest daiquiri’s west of the El Floridita Bar in Havana, Cuba, and delicious carnitas tacos with all the fixings served up continuously all afternoon, this was ‘Vulture-heaven’. It was all Hummingbird could do to persuade me to leave but we had made arrangements so, after my fifth taco, off we flew...
We had plans to attend the Airport Party in Boonville but time had flown by and it was 5pm so we had to pass on that, although I heard it was a big success once again, with over one hundred airplane rides over the Valley given to folks in attendance. Avoiding the air traffic, we flew on by and headed towards the Deep End where we reached the big party event on Gschwend Road to celebrate Elaine Busse’s birthday. It was a very eclectic Valley crowd of perhaps 120 people who had gathered at the Busse home. Again it was alongside a swimming pool - too bad Turkey Vultures can’t swim – and there was abundant wine and a splendid feast served up by Corey Morse and Diana Charles, who capped it off with ice cream in cones – simple, yet brilliant! The glitterati came from many Valley ‘walks of life’ – school employees, winery tasting room staff, artists, carpenters, craftspeople, retired folks, twenty-something’s, small-business owners, even a couple of brightlighters up for the weekend from the Bay Area (who always seem to get a little more tipsy/loud than the locals). It was a proper party, not a pot luck, thrown by Elaine and husband Buzz (Dennis), and as I staggered out of there many people were still around, being treated to some fine live music by Elaine’s son Travis and his band...
Finally, the next morning, following a delicious chicken fried steak and eggs brunch at The Buckhorn, I basically crashed out and was unable to attend the Lions Club BBQ fundraiser at the Fairgrounds for the A.V. Volunteer Ambulance service. Hummingbird did go however and said that attendance was down on previous years. To some, this may be surprising for an August weekend, despite the other festivities I have mentioned. Unfortunately, it is perhaps a sign of the economic climate, which seems to me to be increasingly affecting us here in the Valley as each month passes and our tourist visitors and their dollars appear to be in relatively short supply...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather still around, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 271 - Aug 10th, 2011

2011-08-11T11:20:00.001-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I had a nice little chat last week with Valley folks, Ross and Joyce Murray, as they enjoyed dinner at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Ross, who turns 93 later this year, is still sprightly of mind and working on KZYX & Z local radio. He informed me that he and Joyce had met on the set of the Carol Burnett Show in the early seventies. Prior to that, Joyce had not only performed with the Andrews Sisters but with many other of the greats from that era too, including Nat King Cole, Rosemary Clooney, Ella Fitzgerald, Robert Goulet, and many times with Perry Como on his show, on which she appeared for three years, live every Saturday evening. “I am glad I married her,” said Ross, with a glint in his eye. “We just received a $600 residual check from one of her singing performances with Perry Como that recently aired on television!”...
Ross clearly thinks the world of Joyce and the feelings are no doubt mutual. With that in mind, here are a few positive comments on marriage for your Quote(s) of the Week... “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” – from American journalist and author Mignon McLaughlin... And from relationship psychologist George Levinger – “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility”... Legendary French movie actress Simone Signoret said, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years”... How about this from American journalist and novelist, Anne Taylor Fleming – “A long marriage is two people successfully trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time”... And of course we have to have some comedic and less favorable views of marriage from a couple of infamous divorcées... First Woody Allen, who said, “Basically my wife was very immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd just walk in and sink all of my boats”... And finally, from Groucho Marx – “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”...
Moving on... Public Service Announcements…#303 – The Airport Party is here. It’s this Saturday, August 13th, starting at noon at the airport in Boonville, and will feature rides over the Valley and a party for one and all, followed by a community pot luck at 5pm... #304 – This coming Sunday, August 14th, is the annual Lions Club BBQ to benefit the A.V. Volunteer Ambulance. Service. It’s at The Fairgrounds from 4.30pm to 7.30pm and is certainly one for your calendars, I’d suggest... #305 – And finally this week, coming soon is the 2nd Annual Fundraiser for High School Fall Sports – Soccer, Football, Cheerleading, and Volleyball. It is at The Grange on Saturday, Aug 20th, following the High School Alumni Soccer tournament that takes place from noon to 5pm that day at Tom Smith Field, next to the high school. The fundraising event requests a $10 donation that will get you into an evening featuring a $5 Mexican dinner, $3 beer and wine, and the d.j. sounds of Alex Favella – hope to see you there. Tickets available at Lemons Market in Philo and All that Good Stuff in Boonville, or on the door at The Grange on the 20th...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... The Red-Headed Warbler and his family arrived in town at the weekend for a few days and after a guzzling down a few beers and devouring vast amounts of baby back pork ribs at The 3-Dot they zoomed down to the live music scene at the Navarro Store. They were part of an audience of close to five hundred people that was thoroughly entertained and amazed by the wonderful blues/harp sounds of the legendary Charlie Musselwhite and his band. Dave Evans and his Navarro Store Crew pulled off the event expertly and it made for a very special Valley night out... Up next week it’s the always-popular ‘House of Floyd’ – the Pink Floyd tribute band with laser show. With beer and wine available at very reasonable prices from The Store next door, Pablo doing his ‘magic’ on the grill, and assuming you like Floyd, this would appear to be just about as good as it gets...
... The next morning Warbler and his brood were spotted in downtown Boonville... Mrs. Warbler and kids at the ice cream store while the Warbler himself was seen eating tacos and drinking beer with a gathering of Valley folks from the local Mexican community, following their victory in the big adult soccer league game played that morning alongside the high school... Seems like the Warblers had a fine time getting their Valley-thing on in every which way...
... Meanwhile, Philo Pat (Hulbert) stopped by and shared much information with me about the Valley’s history the other day. It was a fascinating little chat as I simply mentioned people who had graduated from A.V.H.S. in the years 1948-54 and she knew something about many of their histories. Anyone thinking of doing Valley research of any kind would be well-served by sitting down with this Valley expert and her excellent memory of Valley folks and their times...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Is the Boonville Post Office really closing? Now if that isn’t a sign of the Apocalypse, I don’t know what is. Say it ain’t so”... I cannot help but have some doubts regarding this rumor but Buzzard has regularly pointed out that the Apocalypse is not far off, and such a shocking development as this would certainly give more credibility to his prophesy...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 270 - Aug 3rd, 2011

2011-08-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And what better way to do that than to sing the praises of the Guest Chef Dinner held at the Senior & Community Center last Friday evening? Having spent several hours slowly roasting and basting a 70-pound stuffed pig on a rotisserie grill, Maple Creek Winery owner, Tom Rodrigues, and his team of assistant cooks, wait staff, plus volunteer helpers from the Senior Center, served it up in professional style. It came along with a garden fresh salad, wild mushroom gravy, a medley of mashed potatoes, asparagus and gruyere cheese wrapped in prosciutto, followed by a Asian pear, pecan, and Candy Cap mushroom cake for dessert, made by Tom’s daughter Amy. Maple Creek wines were complimentary all evening long, and the gathering of seventy Valley folks were unanimously full of praise for the event, the first in a series of ‘Last Friday of the Month – Guest Chef Dinner’ evenings to raise funds for the Senior Center. Next up, it’s Diana Charles as Guest Chef on Friday, August 26th – ticket details to follow, suffice it to say, the event will no doubt sell out as it did on this occasion...
For your Quote of the Week, I would like to offer this comment from Harriet Van Horne, syndicated newspaper columnist and film/television critic of the fifties and sixties when there were few women in those fields. These words seem to encapsulate Tom Rodrigues as he volunteered his time to spend it with a roasting pig and then to serve up a delicious meal to all those fine food-lovers – “Cooking is like love – it should be entered into with abandon, or not at all”... Well, to those in attendance, he certainly looked like he was cooking with great abandonment and having a lovely time...
Public Service Announcements… #302 – The live music scene returns to the Navarro Store Amphitheatre amongst the giant redwoods for what will no doubt be excellent shows on the next two weekends. On the 6th it’s the legendary (and I mean legendary – check out his bio) American blues-harp player Charlie Musslewhite (7pm) with the Steven Bates Band opening at 5pm, then a week later it’s the always popular ‘House of Floyd’ – the Pink Floyd tribute band with laser show. With beer and wine available at very reasonable prices from The Store next door, Pablo doing his ‘magic’ on the grill, then assuming you like the blues-harp and/or Floyd, these are two Valley evenings that are as good as it gets... #303 – It’s the second Tuesday of the month on Aug 9th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center... #304 – Here’s a heads-up that on Sunday, August 14th, it’s the annual Lions Club BBQ to benefit the A.V. Volunteer Ambulance at The Fairgrounds from 4.30pm to 7.30pm – certainly one for your calendars, I’d suggest... #305 – And finally this week, there’s the 2nd Annual Fundraiser for High School Fall Sports – Soccer, Football, Cheerleading, and Volleyball at The Grange on Saturday, Aug 20th. This follows the Soccer Alumni tournament that takes place from noon to 5pm that day at Tom Smith Field next to the high school. The evening event requests a $10 donation that will get you into an evening featuring a $5 Mexican dinner, $3 beer and wine, and the d.j. sounds of Alex Favella – hope to see you there. Tickets available at Lemons Market in Philo and All that good Stuff in Boonville, or at the door on the 20th...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... So the hot news doing the rounds and causing much discussion at the 3-Dot is that there are plans for a Medical Marijuana store in Boonville. No, not at the Health Center where it would perhaps be seen as very appropriate and even financially beneficial, but in the heart of town, between the Live Oak Building, which is home to the Valley Bible Fellowship, and Lauren’s family restaurant, and virtually opposite The Fairgrounds... Hmmm... Hmmm... Hmmm... Let’s all think about this one...
... The current issue of Real Estate, Mendo, includes a ‘love letter’ to Anderson Valley written by Bruce ‘Pat’ Patterson that includes some of his photos. This is a free publication and can be found at stores in the Valley, including the A.V. Market. Pat says. “People won't fight for something they don't love, or love something they don't know. I don't think anybody has ever been as alienated from nature as the American consumer, so in my nature and travel writing I try'n show what folks are missing. You know, fight fire with water.”
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “I heard this announcement on our local KZYX & Z public radio station late last Saturday afternoon... ‘Well let’s see what’s happening in the Valley today... (long pause)... Oh yes... (very long pause)... Lots of things... (another long pause)... Today it’s a work day for the Land Trust – hmmm, well that will be over by now”... Well, thanks for the information – better late than never, I guess, or is it?”...
... This just in... The 2012 Winner of ‘The Best Strawberries in the Valley and near points Beyond’ Award goes to the beautiful product from the garden of the late Tom Smith, as wife Val continues the excellent work. ‘Truly superb’ and ‘absolutely brilliant’ were the only comments I was capable of as I devoured a few dozen last weekend... A close second was a previous winner - the earthy-fresh and sweet tasting strawberries from Saechau Farms, just south of Ukiah on Hwy 101. These are well priced but for every four superb berries there was a lesser tasting one, unlike the mouth-watering consistency of the Smith’s produce. Despite this, Saechau may still have pushed harder for the top-up spot if not for the discourteous service that cost them some valuable points… And before some bleedin' heart p.c. liberal, who lives in the middle of nowhere and has little contact with what goes on in the real world, steps in to defend this behavior as an understandable result of a difference in cultures, I would just like to say to them, "Just stop it... Please... Now!"
Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? - I’ll get my coat and leave shall I?... But before I do, with the hot weather with us, just a reminder to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too, I suppose.. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 269 - July 27th, 2011

2011-07-28T09:34:00.001-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Not for the first time, and probably not for the last, I believe an apology is probably due on my behalf for the comment in last week’s column that expressed my surprise that no teachers had attended the Pop Warner Fundraiser and given their support for the young kids’ out-of-school football program. I should point out I was not the only person to think that way but on reflection I can see that the teachers are on their long break from the ‘little buggers’ (my description, not theirs) and they’ll be around them soon enough – school starting very early this year, on Monday, August 15th. I’m sure they will be see plenty of them after that date both in school and at the many extra-curricular school activities that I assume our teachers are involved in. My comment was unnecessary and I apologize...
Moving on... And what better place to start, given the comments above, than a Quote or two of the Week with the teaching profession in mind? First up is this compliment from Robert G. Ingersoll, a Civil War veteran, American political leader, and orator during the Golden Age of Freethought, who said “One good schoolmaster is worth a thousand priests” – not much doubting that these days, eh?... And then we have the following phrase from George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, Nobel Prize winner for literature, and commentator on education, marriage, religion, government, health care, and class privilege, who commented, “He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches”... Oh, come on, surely a teacher must have a good sense of humor!
Public Service Announcements… #89 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley once more this month, tomorrow, Thursday July 28th, at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. And while you’re there why not support our local Farm Supply with a purchase or two - without them there’s no vet visit... #90 - A very special evening is planned to benefit the Senior Center this Friday, July 29th at 7pm. This is the first in a series of Guest Chef Dinners and Tom Rodrigues of Maple Creek Winery in Yorkville will be serving a rotisserie-style Roast Pork dinner with some fresh and delicious side dishes, using local ingredients, plus dessert and wine. Seating will be limited to sixty guests and tickets are selling fast, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville... #91 – It’s the final weekend of the month so that means time for another Barn Sale. As always it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, July 30th and 31st... #92 – The live music scene returns to the Navarro Store Amphitheatre amongst the giant redwoods for excellent shows on both Aug. 6th and 13th. On the 6th it’s the legendary (and I mean legendary – check out his bio) American blues-harp player Charlie Musslewhite (7pm) with the Steven Bates Band opening at 5pm, then a week later it’s the always popular ‘House of Floyd’ – the Pink Floyd tribute band with laser show. With beer and wine available at very reasonable prices from The Store, Pablo doing his ‘magic’ on the grill, and assuming you like the blues-harp and/or Floyd, these are two Valley evenings that are as good as it gets... #93 – Finally this week, here’s an early heads-up that on Sunday, August 14th, it’s the annual Lions Club BBQ to benefit the A.V. Volunteer Ambulance at The Fairgrounds from 4.30pm to 7.30pm – certainly one for your calendars, I’d suggest. More details to follow...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... I was out of the Valley so failed to attend ‘The Not-So-Simple Living Fair’ that took place here over this past weekend. This event dates back to the seventies when it was called ‘The Simple Living Fair’ and, according to some regulars, I missed a good event that was quite well attended. However, these regulars said a simple Turkey Vulture like myself, who just flies around all day looking for food and sleeps amongst the high rocks under the stars at night, would not have enjoyed it. I guess that means I won’t be going in 2012 either because that’s when the event is to be called ‘The Complicated Living Fair’...
... A former schoolteacher dropped by The 3-Dot and confirmed the vicious rumor that school starts on Monday, August 15th! That’s very early but it does mean that the teachers will get a paycheck at the end of that month and not have to wait for wages until the end of September, as they have had to in previous years. Of course, as a result, this means they will be able to afford tickets to attend September’s County Fair and with their attendance I therefore envisage longer lines for rides on the Wheel of Fire and The Zipper, along with record sales of corn dogs and curly fries...
... Mark ‘The Major’ Scaramella, senior contributor to this esteemed organ of the press, tells me he was on the winning team last week at The General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Needless to say, my top investigative reporters are working round the clock to confirm this, particularly as The Major claims his teammates were the following trio of unlikely ‘Quizlies’ – Alan the English pig farmer, Nikola the Serbian handyman, and Marcus the Hispanic bartender – sounds like there’s a joke in there somewhere... and here it is...
“Three friends, having won the quiz, go out for a few celebratory beers...Marcus sits down and says, "Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona”....Nikola sits alongside him and says, "No, I’d like the best beer in the world, give me a Jelen Pilsner from Serbia”... Alan sits down and says, "Give me a Coke, please”.... The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other guys look over at Alan and ask, "Why aren’t you drinking a Bass Ale?... Alan replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I"...
I’m outta here... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose.. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 268 - July 20th, 2011

2011-07-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin...Let’s start with a couple of very different events that I attended on my travels through the Valley last Saturday evening. First there was a very ‘nice’ soiree at The Madrones – formerly Taylor-Roberts, and now the wine ‘mall’ just south of Philo. ‘Mall’ is a little unfair perhaps, it is a very pleasant set-up there, with four small winery tasting rooms and a ‘lifestyle’ shop called ‘Sun and Cricket’, although I know some old-timers think the buildings are an eyesore and inappropriate here in the Valley – but you can’t please everyone, as we all know. Anyway, It was Bink Winery’s open house and a crowd of about sixty wine-sippers and pizza nibblers had assembled. I would guess that I normally know at least 80% of the guests from different walks of Valley life at local events, but on this occasion I knew maybe 20%. There were some Valley winery people but the majority were not ‘from these parts’ and probably wouldn’t have known a Turkey Vulture even if I had defecated on my own feet – something we like to do to keep cool on such humid evenings. That is fine of course, it was a very pleasant crowd, Jim Roberts was a most gracious host and almost convinced me that the businesses were four small local wineries, and the Bink Rosé Lumineux was perfect with the savory thin crust pizza... But by 6.30pm it was time to move on...
I headed into Boonville and joined a very different crowd of one hundred-plus gathered at the Apple Hall for the Pop Warner Football Fundraiser. Most of the ‘obvious suspects’ were there, the majority being A.V. High School graduates at some point in time, and the delicious tri-tip dinner was efficiently served by the next generation of young footballers – all very polite and eager to work. The beer and wine selection was good, the prices reasonable, the raffle a success, and I believe over $1500 was raised by the community for the kids’ sport. I say ‘the community’ but I could not help but wonder about the absence of any schoolteachers. I know this was not school sports but these kids attend the school and I would have thought there might have been somebody there from that group. Just observing and sharing... Anyway, with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys providing the music, the presence of current N.F.L. player and former A.V. standout, Martin Tevasu (N.Y. Jets), providing a bonus for the aspiring young footballers, and virtually everybody there knowing everybody else, the event was thoroughly enjoyable and a real Valley affair. Many thanks should go out to all those who worked so hard to put it on, led by Tony and Melanie Pardini, with lots of help from Ernie Pardini, Jessica Johnson, Erica Lemons, Ginger Johnston, Reba Pardini and Fernando Alvarez, and the guys on the grill who did an excellent job – Steve Rhodes, Bobby Mayberry, Gary Abbott, and Goober Johnston, the Lions Club bar staff of Will Housley and Kevin Lee, Scott and Saffron Fraser who secured the beer and wine donations, not to mention the other food contributors, including Shauna Espinoza and Bronwen Hanes with their wonderful pasta salad. I’ve no doubt forgotten somebody so apologies to them...
Public Service Announcements… #314 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on two occasions this month; each time at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. The first of these visits is tomorrow, Thursday July 21st, and they will return once more next week, on the 28th... #315 – The ‘Not-so-Simple Living Fair’ celebrating and sharing rural skills with various workshops, demonstrations, discussions, and food takes place at The Fairgrounds over this next weekend - July 22nd-24th. The website with all the details and schedule is at http://notsosimple.info, or call 684-0028... #316 – A very special evening is planned to benefit the Senior Center on Friday, July 29th at 7pm. This is the first in a series of Guest Chef Dinners and Tom Rodrigues of Maple Creek Winery in Yorkville will be serving a rotisserie-style Roast Pork dinner with some fresh and delicious side dishes, using local ingredients, plus dessert and wine. Seating will be limited to sixty guests, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Even though it’s still July, practices have already started for the fall sports at the high school. Football Coach John Toohey has over twenty players in his squad at this point and there are high hopes for a successful season in the newly-formed Eight-Man League, while Boys Soccer Coach Steve Sparks tells me that there were twenty guys at the team’s first practice last week, including eight returning starters from last season’s Championship-winning team. In the meantime there will be a benefit at The Grange on August 20th to raise money for both of these sports and also the under-funded but much appreciated Cheerleading Squad, coached by Kerri Sanchez, Jennifer Espinoza, and Kelly Andersen – more details to follow...
... Several regulars stopped by at The Three-Dot after watching the Women’s World Cup Soccer final at The Buckhorn in Boonville. They said that the U.S. should have had the game won by halftime but the resilient Japanese women held on and finally won on penalty kicks at the end of regulation and extra-time. I saw some highlights and the standard of penalty-taking by the U.S. women was very poor indeed. Perhaps the excellent coach I kept hearing about should have had her players practicing that aspect of the game a little more?.. Having made that rather unfair remark, I should say that this remains a very unsatisfactory way to end a soccer match – particularly a final, and yet after decades of discussion a better method has still not been found. It’s like a Super Bowl tie being settled on a series of field goals or the World Series on a home run derby – not acceptable...
... Talking of unacceptable situations, a few days ago my friend and fellow A.V.A. contributor, Steve Sparks, drowned his sorrows at The 3-Dot with a bottle of Jameson’s’ Irish whiskey upon finding out he would not be returning as the Exhibitor for the ‘Animal Husbandry – Sheep-herding section’ at this weekend’s ‘Not-So-Simple Living Fair’. Apparently this decision had nothing to do with last year’s ‘incident’, the committee having simply decided to go with an ‘expert’ to take his place, albeit it someone from outside the Valley. Sparks does not accept this explanation. “Last year I managed to lose the entire flock of sheep and it took over an hour to recover them but surely that small incident should not count against me”, spluttered the clearly disturbed amateur shepherd, as he opened his second bottle. “Corporal Raindrop, Rob Google, the Bates Apple Motel kid, and their assorted committee members can all kiss my pimply ass.” Shortly after this diatribe, Deputy Walker escorted a tearful Sparks from the premises...
I’m outta here... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose.. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 267 - July 13th, 2011

2011-07-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The annual Men’s Tug ‘o War Championship, held at the Olde Time 4th July Celebration lat Sunday, was won for the second year in succession by The Horde of High Rollers & Boonters (residents of Yorkville and Boonville), although in the Women’s event it was The Rabble of Poleekos & Deep Enders (residents of Philo and Navarro) who were victorious. Following seven successive wins for The Rabble Men, two defeats in a row have come as something of a shock to them and so, while the victors celebrated into the night, led by unofficial team Captain, Lauren Keating (of Lauren’s Restaurant, where the winner’s trophy will now reside for another year), I have no doubt The Horde’s downfall is already being plotted by the disappointed Rabble in Philo and The Deep End...
Now that’s something everyone should be wary of – a plotting rabble in the Deep End – it’s almost as scary as a wake of hungry Turkey Vultures!... Yes, ‘a wake’. With its association with a death ceremony, and given our preference for devouring dead animals, a wake is a very appropriate collective noun for Turkey Vultures, yet it’s just one of several words that can be used when a group of us gather, others being ‘committee’, ‘vortex’, ‘cast’, and my personal favorite, a ‘Meal of Turkey Vultures’ – excellent! Anyway, now you know...
Moving on to another group - Valley dwellers who are celebrating birthdays this month. This includes Mary Darling, Marriann Kinion, Joanne Clark, and Sylvia Carsey. ‘Many happy returns one and all!’...
This week’s clue that we are fast approaching Armageddon (forget The Rapture, folks, it’s not going to be anything like that), would have to be the situation at the Philo Post Office last Saturday afternoon when the parking lot was impregnable for a time – both entrances completely blocked off by three huge R.V.’s and their crews of Brightlighters, ignorant of the inconvenience they were causing. Selfish bastards! I was seriously outnumbered otherwise they would have been dealt with in the usual ‘Valley way’ and then fed to the sounder of hungry pigs at the top of the Yorkville Ranch Road. (Yes, ‘a sounder of wild pigs’ – another collective noun for you)...
Public Service Announcements… #83 – The Pop Warner Football Benefit takes place this coming Saturday, July 16th at The Apple Hall in Boonville. There will be a tri-tip dinner at 6pm, followed by music from the always-excellent Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys. It’s $20 adults, $15 kids and tickets are available at Lemons’ Market in Philo or on the door... #84 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on two occasions this month; each time at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. The first of these visits is next Thursday - July 21st, and they will return once more on the 28th. And while you’re there why not support our local Farm Supply with a purchase or two - without them there’s no vet visit... #85 – Heads-up on the ‘Not-so-Simple Living Fair celebrating and sharing rural skills with various workshops, demonstrations, discussions, and food. It’s at The Fairgrounds over the weekend of July 22nd-24th. Hopefully the website with all the details is now complete at http://notsosimple.info...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... According to a few regulars at The Three-Dot, the Olde Time 4th July Celebration to benefit the Anderson Valley Education Foundation (A.V.E.F.), and ultimately high school students going on to college, was a big success once again, with bigger numbers in attendance than in the previous couple of years. I personally would like to think that all those benefiting from the proceeds of this event contributed to either the day’s festivities or to the continuing fundraising efforts of the A.V.E.F. in some other way...
... Talking of high school students, several regulars sitting at the bar were wondering if these kids were given various academic and/or home or community-based projects to occupy some of their time during the long summer break. Read a book or two; cook a dinner for their family; mow the grass/fix the fences; clean-up the highway - something of more use to them and others than simply tuning the World out by listening to their I-pods, playing mindless computer games, or standing on street corners trying to look menacing... What? You don’t you think they were set such tasks by the school? Surely they were... I think we should be told...
... If the high school students did receive academic assignments for the summer hopefully some of these will be useful in the future - after they have graduated college and return to the Valley to attend the weekly General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant (Thursdays at 7pm). This might mean that Brightlighters cannot come here and win – like they did last week! Yes, folks, I am reliably informed that for the first time in living memory, a non-Valley team, from Washington D.C., by way of Stanford in this case, won the Quiz - by ½ point over two local teams – ‘Bob’ featuring The Major, Alan Thomas, and assorted Boonville Hotel/Apple Farm dignitaries and the ironically named ‘No Chokers’ featuring Quiz veterans from Signal Ridge, Rancho Navarro, and Holmes Ranch. It was obviously a very close run thing but the ‘Outsiders’ won and this must not be allowed to happen again!...
... Talking of Lauren’s – is there a better Pulled Pork sandwich in the Valley, or anywhere else in the County for that matter? I thought not, and many regulars agree...
... With good food on my mind, I really cannot think of a better way to spend a Saturday (or Sunday) brunch-time than sipping mimosas in the beer garden after devouring the delicious Chicken fried steak and eggs at The Buckhorn... And while I’m in full food-talk mode, why don’t I mention the Sunday afternoon oyster and sangria/champagne event at the Boonville Hotel – very nice indeed, and a most civilized way to wind down the weekend, I must say...
I almost wasn’t going to bother with a Quote of the Week this time around and thought nobody would really miss its absence. But then I had a brainwave - what about a quote about ‘absence’? Brilliant, eh? Interestingly, came up with two contrasting comments about that very thing. First it’s the English proverb “Those who are absent are always wrong.” On the other hand, according to the Roman Historian, Tacitus, “Greater things are believed of those who are absent.” Take your pick, I guess...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather here, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too, I suppose. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 266 - July 6th, 2011

2011-07-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I am writing this on the morning of the Olde Time July 4th Celebration at the Fairgrounds in Boonville so the result of the upcoming tumultuous Tug o’ War between The Horde of High Rollers/Boonters (residents of Yorkville and Boonville) and The Rabble of Poleekos/DeepEnders (residents of Philo and Navarro) is unknown. Following The Rabble’s seven consecutive wins in this prestigious event from 2002 to 2009 (the whole Celebration was cancelled in the fire year of 2008), it was The Horde that finally won one last year and their trophy is currently proudly displayed at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Will it be sitting at Libby’s in Philo by Monday evening? We shall see - “Seize the rope!”...
So, it would be particularly appropriate, with the above mentioned Tug ‘o War in mind, that your Quote of the Week is one that I have used before. It comes from that wise observer of society in all its glory and shame – George Orwell, who said, “Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all the rules, and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence; in other words it is war minus the shooting.” Clearly old George attended a few Valley Tug o’ Wars in his time!......
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #416 – This week’s Boonville Farmer’s Market will feature a solar cooking demonstration among the usual array of goodies that this week highlights eggs! It all happens between 9.30am and noon in the Boonville hotel parking lot... #417 – The Boonville Art Walk is this happening this coming Saturday afternoon, July 9th from 3pm to 6pm. This will feature art from local artists at various Boonville venues and sidewalks, including the Senior Center. The Senior/Community bus will be in operating a shuttle service along Hwy 128 to get you from one place to another if all that art gets too tiring on a hot day... #418 – Also on the 9th, it’s top notch live music returning once again at The Navarro General Store on Hwy 128 in the Deep End. Things get going at 5pm with the Black Horse Blues Band and continue at 7pm with Mark Hummel’s Harmonica Blow Out. Needless to say, but I will anyway, Pablo will be doing his magic on the Grill and very reasonably priced beer and wine is available at the Store ... #419 – It’s the second Tuesday on July 12th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo and prizes, and you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts, wise and not-so-wise, about Valley life... Let’s start with some questions on the minds of some enquiring minds sitting at the bar...
... ‘Is Yorkville in Anderson Valley?’... Well technically ‘Yes’, and historically the answer would be a resounding ‘Yes’. However, geographically there are several significant hills/ravines/small valleys in between ‘them and us’, so maybe it shouldn’t be. Furthermore, I know of several Yorkville folks who feel they are not included in the overall Valley’s mindset – some of whom are annoyed by that fact and some who are quite pleased about that situation... To be discussed further...
... ‘Does the Valley Chamber of Commerce promote commerce in the Valley?’ ‘Yes’, was the answer we came up with...
... And a final question that was posed by our bar-dwellers was, ‘Does a Book Club need to serve wine at its gatherings?’ I personally believe to get to the heart of the book, its very essence, and its author’s intentions and message, then wine should most certainly be served. But I could be wrong, of course...
... Philo Pat swung by the Three-Dot last week and passed on this invaluable piece of information... ‘Hi, Vulture... I was at a deck party awhile back, and the mosquitoes were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. I filled a spray-bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. That worked as well - it killed them instantly... I bought some Listerine from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes... Please pass this on.’ Thanks, Pat – I just did...
... A regular at the Three-Dot informed me of some very important news from abroad last week - German police are trying out a new weapon in the fight against crime - vultures that can find hidden corpses. Three feathered detectives – appropriately named Sherlock, Miss Marple and Columbo - are being trained in northern Germany to do this. Police are using three of my German cousins because we vultures prefer to roam big areas as a group and our keen eyesight and acute sense of smell makes us as skilful as our fictional namesakes. Furthermore, we are better than sniffer dogs at finding bodies when a large area has to be searched and the terrain is difficult. However, apparently the experiment has now raised ethical concerns because of the risk that some of us might start pecking at a dead body... Err, yes, we might, but we surely there has to be some perks to the job?
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave...With the hot weather finally with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?... Happy 4th to each of you...

# 265 - June 29th, 2011

2011-06-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I would like to start by pointing out that there was no need to go to London, England if you wanted to attend a ‘royal’ wedding this summer. The Valley had its own version last Saturday afternoon and evening, held high in the hills on the Johnson Ranch on the southern outskirts of Boonville. I have no doubt that the happy couple – Derek Wyant and Nichole Johnson, and their parents – Dianna Charles, Bryan & Elizabeth Wyant, Wanda & Gary Johnson, would never consider themselves as ‘royalty’ but for many Valley folks in attendance, given each family’s long-standing presence in the Valley and their many and continuing contributions here, it could certainly be regarded as the Valley’s ‘Wedding of the Year’... With well over three hundred guests in attendance, many of whom were graduates of the A.V. High School at various points in time, it was certainly a ‘real’ Valley event and the setting could not have been any more picturesque. The whole event was a splendid affair with a delicious feast and open bar, accompanied by an eclectic mix of music. A particularly poignant moment occurred when Nichole and Derek took the time to memorialize significant and influential members of their family and friends who are no longer with us and are greatly missed... I’m sure I can speak for many when I thank the newlyweds and their families for what I’d say was a ‘proper’ wedding and a wonderful celebration of the union of two very fine young people of the Valley...
An event that featured virtually the opposite crowd of people in terms of upbringing and origins took place here in Boonville the previous weekend – that would be the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival and I just wanted to add my final words on that topic... There are many Valley people who attend and enjoy the Festival, myself included in past years, and I am aware that the stores selling ice, cheap bottled water, quality coffee, etc, can be busy, as was Mosswood Market before the music started each day, and even Lemons’ Market, several miles away in Philo. Furthermore, I am told there were very few negative incidents amongst the 6,000+ revelers and that the clean-up went well. However, Boonville’s eateries and places of libation would describe it as a myth that they benefit anywhere near as much financially from this event as the Festival owners would have them/us believe. I remember vividly (because I was there) when the Festival owners, Warren and Gretchen Smith, two very pleasant people, first came here seeking local support and met with local small business owners, assuring them that the event would be of great financial benefit. As it turns out, some are now of the opinion that the three-day music extravaganza may actually even have adverse affects on them. This is due not only to the Festival being virtually self-contained in terms of food and drink vendors, but also as a result of other out-of-towners, not here for the Festival, being unable to find parking outside the local dining establishments and therefore passing on through without a stop... I also know that it isn’t only some small business owners who are not happy among Valley folks. Father’s Day was on the Sunday, so business was pretty brisk for a few hours downtown, however, many locals wished to avoid the crowds and they stayed away, foregoing their usual weekend meal in town. Complaints about public urination and blatant use of drugs, campers setting-up wherever they liked, washing in restaurant bathrooms, etc, did not offset the gesture of free tickets being given to some local people, and there would seem to be a need for further discussions between the organizers and local groups before next year’s event. I certainly believe the event has a place here but let’s not pretend that everyone in the Valley has only positive feelings about it. I would also humbly suggest that the Festival organizers perhaps think twice before rejoicing publicly that there were ‘even more vendors here this year’ as if this was a particularly positive thing for everyone, and perhaps a little more sensitivity might be shown by them rather than simply basking in a false notion that the ‘good vibe’ is felt by one and all...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #176 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley for one more visit this month - tomorrow, June 30th at The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. It’s a very convenient service so let’s support it and make plans to attend if your four-legged friend needs come medical care or is due some shots anytime soon.... #177 – Here we go again – it’s The Olde Time 4th of July Celebration! Taking place at The Fairgrounds in Boonville on Monday 4th, it’s an afternoon (noon-4pm) of fun, games, competitions - ‘rooster crowing’, ‘hen clucking’, and tug ‘o war, plus lots of food and drink. I can’t imagine I won’t see you there...
One person who will not be in attendance is Jack Kevorkian, who passed away a couple of weeks ago. The American pathologist and most famously the right-to-die activist, is best known for publicly championing a terminal patient's right to die via physician-assisted suicide; he said that he assisted at least 130 patients to that end. He famously said, "Dying is not a crime". Anyway, several regulars at the 3-Dot, myself included, raised our glasses to the man who said, "My aim in helping the patient was not to cause death. My aim was to end suffering. It's got to be decriminalized"... Having recently seen first hand the awful quality of life of for many terminally ill patients, I agree wholeheartedly...
And with that in mind, what more appropriate Quote of the Week could you ask for than these words from German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, “One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly”... And a little lighter take on this topic from Woody Allen – “It’s not that I’m afraid to die; I just don’t want to be there when it happens”...
I’m outta here... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too, I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 264 - June 22nd, 2011

2011-06-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Belated ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes to our Valley Seniors with birthdays in June – Carolyn Short, Eva Holcomb (neé Pardini), June Lemons, Alice Fashauer, Rod Basehore (‘Get well soon, Rod), and James Crabtree...
A Valley dweller who deserves our best wishes every day of the year, in my humble opinion, is Cheryl Schrader, the founder and continuing driving force behind the Anderson Valley Animal Rescue (A.V.A.R.). When I spoke with her recently she was still overjoyed at the success of their Fundraiser held at The A.V. Brewery a couple of months ago, raising nearly $5000 for the cause. She and her fine crew of volunteers work very hard at helping both pets and owners in this county and particularly in the Valley, as they continue to provide financial assistance for the spaying/neutering of cats (2,800 in 2010) and dogs (70), offer adoption outreach for homeless cats (630) and dogs (80) from the county shelter, run a working barn cat program, a senior cat placement program, and much more. In 2011 they anticipate continuing their aggressive spay/neuter campaign as well as increasing the foster care and adoption outreach programs to accommodate the kittens/cats and dogs that would otherwise lose their life at the county shelter if not for rescue. Anytime you feel like giving her support, either by volunteering some of your leisure time or with a donation to this very worthwhile cause, please call her at 895-3785. Meanwhile, if you are looking to adopt a new ‘best friend’ contact the A.V.A.R. at www.avanimalrescue.petfinder.org or if you just wish to keep in touch with this wonderful organization, visit their Facebook page at www.facebook.com/AVAnimalRescue...Great job, Cheryl and the Gang – your efforts are much appreciated by many - both those with two legs and four...
And therefore, it should come as no surprise to regular readers that for the Quote of the Week we’re going to have a couple of pet/animal quotes?... First from English novelist George Eliot – “Our pets are such agreeable friends--they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms”... And how about these wise words from the philosopher Alfred A. Montapert – “Animals are reliable; many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful, and loyal - difficult standards for people to live up to”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #39 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on two more occasions this month; each time at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. The first of these visits is tomorrow, June 23rd, and they will return once more on the 30th. It’s a very convenient service so let’s support it and make plans to attend if your four-legged friend needs come medical care or is due some shots anytime soon... #40 - It’s the final weekend of the month so that means time for another Barn Sale. As always it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, June 25th/26th... #41 – The Boonville Farmer’s Market takes place, as usual, at the Boonville Hotel parking lot this Saturday, June 25th. It runs from 9.30am to Noon and this week features all the regular goodies plus veggies, honey, olive oil, herbs, lotions, and flowers – what’s not to like?...
Moving quickly on to some of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life... First let’s have a couple of questions from the regulars sitting at the bar...
... ‘Enquiring Minds at The Three-Dot want to know’ - Part 1: Why are there graduation ceremonies here in the Valley for pre-school, 6th grade, 8th grade, and the High School? Haven’t the kindergarten graduates done enough to deserve such an accolade?
... ‘Enquiring Minds at The Three-Dot want to know’ - Part 2: Why is it that when a charitable act is poorly done or presented, the excuse is often given that those responsible are just volunteering so it’s o.k.? Many folks in this Valley do volunteer for various causes and events. The vast majority of them do a splendid job and these people certainly would not use their volunteer status as an excuse for anything less than that. So since when did ‘volunteer’ become used as an excuse for ‘inefficiency’ as some would have us believe?...
... Where can I get my sheep sheared? Well, this is one I have a good answer for... There is a young man from the coast who will certainly oblige. His name is Matt Gilbert and he has already done a fine job on many of the smaller flocks in the Valley during the past month or so, as he has been doing for the last few years around here. He is accommodating and very reasonably priced and can be reached on his cell phone at 972-9144...
... Many regulars expressed gratitude that the surface of Hwy. 128 is slowly but surely being repaired, one section at a time. One wisecracking old-timer asked, “Does it really need it?”
... As for the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival that took place here in Boonville over this past weekend, I’m sure many of our local eateries and places of libation are tired of listening to the myth that they benefit substantially from this self-contained event given its many food and drink vendors set up inside the Fairgrounds. However, any negative reviews, no matter how justified, should also take into account the undoubted joy given to many of the male population of the Valley by the sight of young women festival-goers, with bare-midriffs, balancing hula-hoops on their gyrating hips that hypnotically circle around and around as if they were... (continued on page 29)...
Well, on that note, it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather now with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, or even children I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 263 - June 15th, 2011

2011-06-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... How about starting off with two ideas, that have come my way via local folks, each with the potential to solve some of the financial problems facing the Anderson Valley Health Center?... Firstly, a splendid idea from the Valley’s own ‘Uncle Sam’ a.k.a. Bruce Hering - a Medical Marijuana dispensary to benefit the Health Center, set up at the Health Center, with inventory provided in the form of ‘pledges’ from the many expert horticulturists who live here. Think about it... And secondly, and this one has come from several folks chatting over a few glasses of wine, with many of the wineries’ employees receiving medical treatment at the Health Center, how about we introduce a local ‘tax’ of $1 on every bottle of wine sold here - all proceeds payable by the wineries to the Health Center. Can the wineries afford this? ‘Yes’ would be my guess. So, we would have a local tariff that is used specifically on something the community needs – not on missiles, bailouts, and other such craziness that is beyond the Valley. I believe, as do many far more informed people than myself, that the idea of focusing on local assets for the benefit of local communities is the way of the future, and certainly these are two assets at which we excel and have plenty...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #134 – It’s Father’s Day this coming Sunday (19th) and if other Dad’s are anything like me then they will really appreciate a little something from Pat Hulbert’s Bake Sale taking place on the porch at Lemons Market in Philo at 10am on Saturday, June 18th. All proceeds will benefit the Philo Methodist Church and Pat Hulbert’s cookies, Zuke bread, Huckleberry and Apple pies, and tarts, are not to be missed – they will sell out, I’m sure... #135 – Coming to downtown Boonville, Friday thru Sunday, June 17th–19th is the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival, returning here to A.V. for the 6th consecutive year. Given the number of Festival vendors who also going to be here from the ‘outside’, I seriously doubt the Festival’s benefit to the Valley’s restaurants and eateries in terms of significant income, despite the fact that 5000 visitors are expected to attend. However, there is no doubting the excellent time that many local folks who attend the festival will enjoy. This year’s top names, amongst the many wonderful reggae and world music artists, include Toots and the Maytals, Pablo Moses, Dennis Alcapone, and my personal favorites, Steel Pulse... #136 – The Senior Center is offering an A.A.R.P. Driver Training Course beginning at 8am on Tuesday June 21st. Call 895-3609 to reserve your space - taking these classes could lead to insurance discounts and yer gotta like that!...
There were plenty of ‘Enquiring Minds’ involved in heated debates this past week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life... Here is a sampling...
... ‘Enquiring Minds at The Three-Dot want to know’ - Part 1: When will Elderly residents live at the Elder Home?...Many Valley people have asked me in recent months about this and would no doubt appreciate an update on the progress being made there following the various fundraisers held in recent years. I know there is progress and an explanation is forthcoming I’m sure. I believe someone involved will be answering those inquiries in these pages soon – over to you, Elder Home Committee...
... ‘Enquiring Minds at The Three-Dot want to know’ - Part 2: Why, when the Valley is trying to ‘Save the Health Center’, are there many patients apparently paying a mere $7 charge for services. We at the 3-Dot could not think of anyone, in any walk of Valley life, who did not have more than $7 to spend on his or her health. Furthermore, it was reliably rumored that there are some patients who don’t even pay a cent; some who fail to receive bills due to administrative error; and that there are even some coming here to get treatment who are not even residents in the Valley, claiming they cannot afford treatment in their own communities... How does all this happen? I think we should be told...
... ‘Enquiring Minds at The Three-Dot want to know’ - Part 3: Why do certain people always find fault with things in the Valley? Whether it’s the Wineries, the Elder Home, the Health Center, the school, or whatever, it would seem some people are just that curmudgeonly... I couldn’t possibly comment; after all, I love living here...
Well, now I think it’s time to take my leave... Meanwhile, with the hot weather finally here, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at

# 262 - June 8th, 2011

2011-06-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Calendars and pens at the ready because it’s the P.S.A.’s and we’re entering a busy time of year!...
Public Service Announcements… #92 – The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on three occasions this month; each time at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. The first of these visits is tomorrow, June 9th, and they will return on both the 23rd and 30th. It’s a very convenient service so make plans to attend if your four-legged friend needs come medical care or is due some shots sometime soon... #93 – The Summer Live Music Series at the Navarro Amphitheatre next to the Navarro Store gets under way this weekend with the appearance of the David Nelson Band with support from the Boris Garcia Band. The performances begin at 3pm on Saturday and 2pm Sunday on June 11th/12th... #94 – The 2nd Tuesday of the month is nearly upon us and that means ‘Dinner and Bingo’ night at The Senior Center! Dinner is at 6pm with Bingo to follow at 7pm next Tuesday, June 14th and it’s the hottest ticket in town so I suggest you get there early to get a good seat. All are welcome, not just seniors, and there will be Bingo prizes galore following a wonderful Tri-tip feast... #95 – The Senior Center is offering an A.A.R.P. Driver Training Class Refresher Course at 1pm on Tuesday June 14th and a week later, on the 21st, there is a First Course being held. Call 895-3609 to reserve your space - taking these classes could lead to insurance discounts and yer gotta like that!... #96 – Coming to the Valley in less than two weeks time is the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival, returning here to A.V. for what I believe is the 6th consecutive year. While it’s benefit to the Valley in terms of income is somewhat up for debate - given the number of vendors who also are from the ‘outside’, there is no doubting the excellent time enjoyed by the many local folks who attend the festival. This year’s top performers include Toots and the Maytals, Pablo Moses, Dennis Alcapone, and my personal favorites, Steel Pulse. It’s all happening in downtown Boonville, Friday thru’ Sunday, June 17th–19th...
Unfortunately, despite living in this bucolic Valley, this past few weeks has seen our community faced with some heavy doses of reality and an increasing number of ‘Signs that Armageddon is Approaching’... The possible closing of Hendy Woods State Park; the rumor that The County Fairgrounds are facing a serious economic shortfall and may not be able to continue for more than three more years; the Valley’s impending loss of Deputy Sheriff Craig Walker; the on-going financial crisis at our A.V. Health Center; and the issues of the school buildings falling apart and the lack of the enforcement of the school dress code reaching farcical proportions... As for beyond the Valley, there’s the nation’s overall lack of direction in terms of its moral compass; reality T.V. shows; an increasing lack of respect for one’s elders; so many people grasping desperately at their fifteen minutes of fame, no matter that in the vast majority of cases it turns out to be fifteen minutes of shame; the influence of Fox News and tabloid journalism; the continuing existence of the Homeland Security Department; the lack of universal health care; etc; etc... Sorry to be the harbinger of all this doom and gloom, most of it hardly that fresh news I’m sure, but clearly the lunatics are running the asylum and isn’t it about time there was some serious discussion about a People’s Revolution?... I’m just sayin’...
Count me in on that, but meantime how about lightening the mood with some humor?... Here are my current all-time top five jokes, in reverse order on the Gigglemeter... #5. ‘I have a very large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.’ (Steven Wright)... #4. ‘I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.’ (Jon Stewart)... #3. ‘A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would. But we need the eggs" ‘ (Woody Allen)... #2. ‘Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. Whoosh! - he’s gone.. The second guy wishes the same. Whoosh! - he’s gone too. The third guy says "I’m so lonely. I wish my friends were back here" ‘... And #1 ‘It's Game 7 of the World Series, and a man makes his way to his seat behind home plate. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Series and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Giants game we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral” ‘... Feeling a little better? Good...
To complete a cheerful turn-around in this week’s column let me remind you of a couple of good Happy Hours in Boonville... Lauren’s Restaurant has a Happy Hour on Friday from 5pm until 6pm-ish during which time her award-winning fries are $2 and all beer and wine is $1 off; while down the street at The Buckhorn, Boonville, it is Happy Hour Monday thru’ Friday from 5pm to 7pm when all draft beers and house wines are $1 off...
I’m outta here – and off to enjoy a couple of Happy Hours actually... Meanwhile, with the hot weather perhaps finally with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 261 - June 1st, 2011

2011-06-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Newsflash!!! Tonight, June 1st at 7pm, at the Apple Hall in Boonville, there will be an open community meeting to ‘Save our Health Center’. The Center is facing some major financial difficulties and the community can help in a variety of ways – find out what you can do....
The Lion's Club ‘TriTip and Chicken Barbeque’ (yes, there was chicken too!) to benefit the A.V. Elder Home was held last Sunday at the Redwood Grove in the Fairgrounds and, despite the winds and cool temperatures, numbers seemed a little higher than last year – perhaps 120. Last year, it was recalled, I complained that they ran out of beer and so there was plenty this time, leading to me being castigated by several of the organizers as I chose to drink wine on such a cold afternoon. I apologized profusely to my critics and the good news is that it was decided that the leftover cases of beer would be donated to the Senior Center for the upcoming Dinner and Bingo night on June 14th – see, my master plan worked!(?). The silent auction was a success, the crowd had a good time, friends checked in with friends, and the delicious chicken, cooked superbly I must say, was a hit alongside the always popular tri-tip. This all ensured that the second big Valley bbq event of the year (the first was the Animal Rescue fundraiser in April) was a success – many thanks to the Elder Home Committee and the Lions Club volunteers for their tireless efforts...
The following day, Monday, May 30th at noon, I was pleased and humbled to be in attendance at the Memorial Day service at the Memorial Wall in the Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way. This is ultimately why the holiday weekend exists and a short but special event was presented by the A.V. American Legion to commemorate those who have died while serving in the military. The service was hosted by Mark Fontaine of the American Legion, and with an honor guard featuring the Legion’s Kirk Wilder, Dave Papke, Bob Nimmons, Patrick Ford, and Ray Langevin giving the gun-salute and Ellen Ingram reading out the names on the Memorial Wall of those from the Valley who have served and have now passed, I’m sure those folks in attendance, of which there were over forty, will have found the event both suitably reverential and very worthwhile. Among that forty people was Freda Fox, former nurse to American Forces in London during World War 2, and many other Veterans, plus Supervisor Dan Hamburg, once again showing his support for an important community event. Add the unique Anderson Valley feature of ‘Taps’ being played on the trombone by Joe Patelle and I believe The Fallen we remembered on this day would have appreciated the efforts made in their name...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #204 – This Friday and Saturday are your final opportunities to see the A.V. Theater Guild’s annual production at The Grange. This year’s play, entitled 'Southern Hospitality', is written by the same author as last year's popular show, and the curtain will go up at 7pm on both evenings, June 3rd/4th... #205 – The County Library Bookmobile will be in town once again on two Tuesdays this month – the 14th and 28th. Venues and times are as follows – 9am-9.30am at Navarro Store before heading out to Comptche from 10.45 to 11.30am; then they will be returning to the Valley and The Floodgate Store from 1pm to 1.45pm; followed by a stop across from the Philo Post Office from 2pm – 2.45pm; and finally at The Apple Hall in Boonville from 3pm to 3.45pm. Remember, there are book drops at other times at the Navarro Store and the Boonville General Store and for further details call 463-4694. This is a special treat/service that we should continue to support, I’d suggest... #206 – It’s not too late to get your tickets for this weekend’s event benefiting the Anderson Valley Ambulance Service - it’s ‘James Taylor Roberts’ Tour of His Home & Garden’. Nationally renowned for outstanding design, Jim has been featured in Island Home, House & Garden, Trends and Options Magazines. This event will feature wine pairings with small tastes and local artisans will be displaying and selling their ornamental garden oriented sculptures, pots and totems on the central lawn. It takes place on Saturday, June 4, 2011, from 1pm to 5pm; $40/person, sales limited to 250 tickets. For more information call Ginger Valen at 707-895-9424...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... Regulars were very pleased to hear that for the first two of my Annual Big Five Awards, the voters have chosen A.V. establishments as this year’s winners... The carefully selected group of judges, led by yours truly, for the second year in succession has chosen the French fries at Lauren’s Restaurant as Best Fries in ‘A.V. and places nearby Beyond’ – that area covers the Valley plus Ukiah, Cloverdale, and The Coast from Albion to Mendocino. The wonderful fries at Mendo Burgers in the town of Mendocino came in a very close second... In the other category to be decided at this time, for the Best Classic Spicy Wings, the recently opened Buckhorn, Boonville won their first Turkey Vulture Award when they just edged out some fine opposition from a couple of restaurants on the coast, with previous winner, The Mendocino Café, as this year’s runner-up. The wings at The Buckhorn are smothered in the very spicy and traditional Frank’s Hot Sauce and are served with a delicious Blue cheese – it’s very hard to find any better I’d venture to say... Coming up in the next month or so will be the other three Awards - Best Strawberries, Best Roast Beef Deli Sandwich, and of course the always competitive Best Classic Cheeseburger...
... And then there were two – I’m talking about the second foal that has now joined the two adult horses and other foal that have been providing quite a distraction for drivers as they drive past the field on the east side of Hwy 128 just north of Breggo Cellars – it’s a beautiful thing...
I’m outta here... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

# 260 - May 25th, 2011

2011-05-26T14:56:00.001-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Despite my quite substantial weekly intake of wine, primarily for health reasons as you know, I didn’t really take part in any of the Pinot Festival activities that took place here in the Valley last weekend. No doubt the many experts in town for the three-day festival aired their oenophiliac views endlessly, pontificating on the grape at great length, and turning quite short stories into very long ones. Call me a philistine if you like, but I would like to think that if it tastes good and pairs well enough with what you are eating to give you that orgasmic sensation of which I have spoken before, then what more do you need to know? I see it as a little like art in the sense that all that really needs to be said is ‘I don’t know wine but I know what I like’, and then shut up and sip a little more...
Public Service Announcements… Lots of Memorial Day Weekend Events to tell you about... #176 – It’s the final weekend of the month so that means time for another Barn Sale. As always it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, May 28th/29th... #177 – This Friday evening will see opening night of the A.V. Theater Guild’s annual production at The Grange. This year’s play, entitled 'Southern Hospitality', is written by the same author as last year's popular show, and the curtain will go up at 7pm on Friday and Saturday evenings, both May 27th/28th and June 3rd/4th. With director Rod Basehore at the helm, and his ever-improving ensemble of actors 'walking the boards', I imagine it will be a 'must see' event on this year's Valley social calendar... #178 - the A.V. Senior Center Flea Market is all weekend long (Friday thru’ Monday) at the Veteran’s Hall parking lot – there’s bargains galore and snacks too. For further information call Gina at 895-3609... #179 - the A.V. Art Guild Open Studio Tour is Saturday thru’ Monday. You are invited to visit the artists in their creative spaces as they work on painting, glass, jewelry, sculpture, ceramics and more. Call Peggy to find out more at 895-2493... #180 – The Lion's Club ‘Chicken and TriTip Barbeque’ (yes, there will be chicken too) to benefit the AV ElderHome is on Sunday, May 29th from 5pm to 8pm at the Redwood Grove in the Fairgrounds! This special event includes a silent auction with a well rounded assortment of services and products from our local merchants, restaurants and artists including a picnic table, private lunch/brunch in the garden at the hotel for 6 to 8, Sierra Nevada tickets, yoga classes, etc, etc... #181 – And finally, please give serious consideration to attending the Memorial Day service at the Memorial Wall in the Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way on Monday, May 30th at noon. This is ultimately why this upcoming holiday weekend exists and a special and quite short event is being put on by the A.V. Veterans to commemorate those who have died while serving in the military. With U.S. servicemen and women continuing to perish in various theaters of war, a good turnout would surely be a sign that their efforts have not been in vain and are deeply appreciated by those of us who live on. And with that in mind, for the Quote of the Week, let’s turn to Francis A. Walker, American economist, statistician, journalist, educator, academic administrator, and military officer in the Union Army, for his words “We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them”...
Moving on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... Many regulars continue to rave about the inspiring sight of the two horses and their foal in the field alongside Hwy 128 next to Breggo Cellars. Nature is a wonderful thing...Not so many regulars, although I would be one of the few, were praising the job done by my brethren at the end of Holmes Ranch Road where a small fawn was devoured by several Turkey Vultures in about three hours last Wednesday afternoon – hey, that’s nature too and it was simply Nature’s Garbage Collectors doing what they do best...
... Hard to believe but several regulars pointed out that this past Saturday saw our wonderful local book store - Laughing Dog Books - celebrate its first birthday. There was quite a gathering at the downtown venue and with owner Loretta Houck at the helm pouring the champagne, and the whole inventory 20% off, I imagine everyone had a splendid time - great job Loretta!...
... Egg News... I find myself continuing to rave about the delicious and large free-range eggs available from Jennifer’s 100 Chickens in Philo. They are just too good for me not to mention, and I can assure you I have no financial gain or ‘egg-bonus’ for doing so! They can be found in the little refrigerator a few yards off the west side of the road at 7900 Hwy 128, about ½-mile north of downtown Philo, just past and opposite the 22.34 mile marker. I suggest you call Jennifer at 895-2585 before stopping by... Oh, and for previous customers, she asks that you drop off your egg cartons, please...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… As always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 259 - May 18th, 2011

2011-05-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well, ‘The Turkey Vulture has landed’ as someone very famously once said... Yes, I’m back here in ‘paradise’ after a very large dose of the ‘real world’ that is out there. Unfortunately, as I’m sure you are aware, some of it isn’t pretty... Meanwhile here in the Valley, a scene that might not have been pretty was the annual Beer Fest. However, once again it was relatively trouble-free with very few arrests and, despite the vast quantities of alcohol consumed, people generally behaved themselves. Some locals thought ahead and had arranged designated drivers to get them home from downtown Boonville – two of these drivers were A.V Elementary school teacher Val Smith and former High School principal, J.R. Collins – good job on every front I’d say...
First up this week, let’s have the Public Service Announcements... #339 – This coming weekend (20th-22nd) sees the annual A.V. Pinot Festival here in the Valley with the technical conference on Friday; wine tasting at Golden Eye Winery on Saturday afternoon followed by winemaker dinners in the evening; and open houses and special tastings at various wineries on Sunday. Call 895-9463 for further details... #340 – the Boonville Farmer’s Market is in full-swing now and is once again taking place at the Boonville Hotel parking lot from 9.30am to noon on Saturday (21st)... #341 – The Boonville Big Band is appearing in town this weekend. They will be on stage at 9pm on Sat 21st at Lauren’s and as usual I imagine a good time will be had by all who attend... #342 – There is still time to get your tickets for an upcoming event benefiting the Anderson Valley Ambulance Service. It’s ‘James Taylor Roberts’ Tour of His Home & Garden’. Nationally renowned for outstanding design, Jim has been featured in Island Home, House & Garden, Trends and Options Magazines. This event will feature wine pairings with small tastes and local artisans will be displaying and selling their ornamental garden oriented sculptures, pots and totems on the central lawn. It takes place on Saturday, June 4, 2011, from 1pm to 5pm; $40/person, sales limited to 250 tickets. For more information call Ginger Valen at 707-895-9424...
Memorial Day Weekend is just round the corner (May 27th-30th) and I’ll have all the details next week but for now let me tell you that it will feature the opening of the A.V. Theater Guild’s annual production at The Grange; the A.V. Senior Center Flea Market; the A.V. Art Guild Open Studio Tour; and the Lion’s Club BBQ to benefit the Elder Home – yes, folks, it’s going to get a little crazy around here!... Having said that, it would be very heart-warming if there were to be a good turnout for the one event that actually commemorates Memorial Day and the reason why we all get the long weekend to enjoy these events. I’m talking about the service put on by the A.V. Veterans that will be held at the Memorial Wall in the Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way on Monday, May 30th at noon to commemorate U.S. soldiers who have died while serving in the military. This day was first enacted to honor Union and Confederate soldiers following the American Civil War and it was extended after World War I to honor Americans who have died in all wars. With U.S. servicemen and women continuing to perish in various theaters of war, a good turnout at this short ceremony would surely be a sign that their efforts have not been in vain and are deeply appreciated by those of us who live on... Hope to see many of you there...
With this in mind how about a couple of Quotes of the Week that would be appropriate with this important day approaching?... It was Joseph Campbell, the American mythologist, writer and lecturer, best known for his work in comparative mythology and comparative religion, covering many aspects of the human experience, who said, “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.” And the poignant line from the Reverend Aaron Kilbourn, “The dead soldier's silence sings our national anthem”...
Moving on to a few of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
...The big topic of conversation was the rumor that, as a result of certain people’s behavior at recent Grange events, every function at which alcohol was to be sold at that venue would now see two professional security guards present. Anderson Valley community gatherings to be over seen by an out-of-town ‘militia’?!!?? – ‘Say it ain’t so’... It did not seem right, so for further investigation I turned to my ace crime reporter, Balding Eagle... It turns out that this rumor is not true. The main problem has been that a very small number of people have been taking drinks outside, while others have taken their own alcohol to events and smuggled it in, with the joint result being that some underage drinking has ensued. Furthermore there has been a couple of altercations at recent events, again induced by excess alcohol... Now the Grange Committee has to come up with some plan to stop this but they will not be introducing such draconian measures as described above. In order to ensure people take responsibility for their actions, and to foster a greater sense of community, some sort of in-house ‘policing’ will have to be arranged by the organizers of each event . I’m sure the Grange Master, David Norfleet, and his Grange committee will come up with a fair and reasonable way of doing this that will both prevent the problem from continuing and yet at the same time not involve ‘Big Brother’ being invited to come along and watch over us...
... Many regulars agreed that it was great to see that the couple of Canada geese have once again returned Bill Hill’s Big Hole – the huge pond on Hwy 128 opposite Breggo Cellars that otherwise would not be a popular landmark...
... Many thanks to ‘Anonymous’ who took me aside and commented on a recent column of mine – ‘You got great points there, that's why I always love checking out your column.’ Yes, I’ve always thought that Anonymous was a smart fellow and he was only on his fourth beer when he spoke...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 258 - May 11th, 2011

2011-05-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings, one and all, if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... My absence continues in a far off land although I hope to return next week to resume my 'Bird’s Eye Views'... In the meantime, I have been encouraged by the many messages sent by loyal readers and in response, although I cannot report on local affairs at this time, I can certainly pass on a few Public Service Announcements to my faithful readers who need to know...
No. 103 - Good news from Lauren's Restaurant in downtown Boonville - the Summertime Lunch has returned! It is served from Thursday through Sunday from 11.30am to 2.30pm and is certainly something I highly recommend... No. 104 - Having said that, just down the road in the heart of town, there is a the delicious brunch on offer at The Buckhorn on both Saturday and Sunday from 10am until 4pm. From the chicken fried steak and eggs to the wonderful omelettes and Eggs Benedict dishes, accompanied by a mimosa or two, I would suggest it doesn't get much better than this... No. 105 - It's Beer Fest time! This coming weekend sees the 15th such event at the Fairgrounds in Boonville from 1pm on Saturday (14th). As part of the celebrations, the A.V. Senior Center is presenting a Spaghetti Feed on the evening of Friday (13th) at the Veterans Hall - not something to be missed I can assure you... No.106 - The monthly Grange meeting is next Tuesday at 7pm - at The Grange believe it or not!... No. 107 - And finally a 'heads-up' for the end of the month production of this year's play by The Anderson Valley Theatre Guild. It's by the same author as last year's popular play, entitled 'Southern Hospitality', and the curtain will go up at 7pm on the Friday and Saturday evenings, both May 27th/28th and June 3rd/4th. With director Rod Basehore at the helm, and his ever-improving ensemble of actors 'walking the boards', I imagine it will be a 'must see' event on this year's Valley social calendar...
'That's all for now folks', I have to see a man about a sheep, a dog, a few pigs, and definitely a flight outta here!...‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture... p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 257 - May 4th, 2011

2011-05-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

Greetings, one and all, I hope you are sitting comfortably because I am still not... My absence continues in a far off land although I hope to return in a week or so to resume my 'Bird’s Eye Views' at that time... In the meantime, I have been encouraged by the many messages and in response I just wish to pass on a few Public Service Announcements to my loyal and faithful readers...
No. 75 - The Bake Sale resumes on the porch at Lemons Market in Philo at 10am on Saturday, May 7th. All proceeds will benefit the Philo Methodist Church and Pat Hulbert’s cookies, Zuke bread, Huckleberry and Apple pies, and tarts, are not to be missed – they will sell out, I’m sure...No. 76 - It's that time once again - Opening Day of the Boonville Farmer's Market! This exciting occasion will feature all the usual goodies plus the Spring Plant Sale. It's this coming Saturday (7th) from 9.30am until noon in the Boonville Hotel parking lot.. No. 77 - Heads-up for The Boonville Beer Festival the following weekend, at 1pm on Saturday, May 14th. As part of the celebrations, the A.V. Senior Center is putting on a Spaghetti Feed on the evening of Friday (13th) at the Veterans Hall - not something to be missed I can assure you...
'That's all for now folks', I have to see a man about a sheep, a dog, a few pigs, and definitely a flight outta here!...‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture... p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 256 - April 27th, 2011

2011-04-27T03:13:00.000-07:00

Greetings, one and all, I hope you are sitting comfortably because I am not... I have been unavaoidably detained in a far off land following my excesses at the Annual Turkey Vultures and Other Birds of Prey Convention at a secret location many, many miles from the Valley. I hope to return in a couple of weeks and look forward to resuming my Bird’s Eye Views at that time... In the meantime, I think you know the routine by now...
‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 255 - April 6th, 2011

2011-04-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well, the rain held off and it was a sunny albeit windy afternoon for the first Annual PawFest held at the A.V. Brewery last Saturday afternoon. A good turnout of about 120 people, plus maybe fifty very happy and well-behaved dogs, all had a wonderful afternoon during which they were able to enjoy a bbq by the A.V. Lions Club, beer from the Brewery, wine from many Valley wineries, and listen to the sounds of the Valley’s own Peanut Butter Jam Band. With some fantastic raffle prizes, a couple of interesting dog obedience displays, and splendid Paula Gray designed special edition t-shirts on sale, it was a great event. No doubt many, many dogs and cats will benefit thanks to the hard work of the organizers and volunteers along with the community’s generosity – including those businesses who contributed the raffle prizes, The Brewery for donating the wonderful venue, and of course those in attendance – Well done to all!
This week’s Quote comes with this event in mind, and with particular thoughts for the determined and effervescent Sparky, the six month old pup who was at PawFest recovering from the diabolical abuse that had left him with broken back legs and severe spinal injuries. He is now in a very caring home and is currently without the use of those legs as he moves around in a special ‘carriage’ that supports his back end. His determination and undoubted affection for his owners provides the inspiration for my choice of your Quote of the Week - “Dogs are you best friend, your partner, your defender, and they will always be happy to see you; they will be faithful and true to you to the last beat of their heart”... Sparky may have been the happiest attendee at the event and was a lesson to one and all on how to look on the bright side and work at overcoming adversity...
Public Service Announcements…# 83 – The recently postponed Barn Sale will return this weekend to The Big Barn, behind The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. It’s from 9am to 3pm, both Saturday and Sunday, April 9th and 10th – it’s bbq and bargains galore so I expect to see you there, particularly as there will not be another one until late May as the final full weekend in April is Easter... #84 – Three A.V. artists currently have their work displayed at the ‘Art from Beyond’ event at Odd Fellows in Mendocino Village. It features Alexis Moyer’s pottery, Susan Spencer’s assemblage, and Ginger Valen’s pottery and assemblage and an artists’ reception is this Saturday, April 9th from 5pm to 8pm. The show runs until April 25th and the gallery is open every day from 11am to 5pm, closed on Tuesdays... #85 – In a couple of weeks, the A.V. Lions Easter Breakfast, benefiting the Teen Center, will be taking place from 8-11:30am on Easter Sunday, April 24th and this will be followed by the Egg Hunt for pre-school thru fourth grade at 1pm. It’s all at The Fairgrounds in Boonville so please mark it on your calendar and we’ll see you there...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... A couple of regulars were raving about the fine serving job done by the A.V.H.S. cheerleaders at the recent Senior Center benefit events held at the Apple Hall. I have previously seen them in cheerleading action, and they have worked very hard to become a very solid group of performers, so upon hearing that the girls did a first class job working at both the Crab Feed and the St. Patrick’s Day Dinner Dance, I was not surprised at all... With Kerri Sanchez, Kelly Andersen, and Jennifer Espinoza as their coaches, both for cheerleading and their volunteer work – why would anyone be?
... Several regulars have recently commented on the rapidly declining condition of Hwy 128 in many spots as it runs through the Valley. There are some quite noticeable potholes developing and it seems to be getting very bad, very quickly. Oh, well, if we can’t maintain the roads at least the money being saved must be going towards making sure we keep two deputies here... I’m sorry, did I miss something?...
... Flying over the Barn Sale Field beside Hwy 128 just north of Boonville last Sunday afternoon, I spotted two ‘shepherds’ wrestling with a number of sheep inside the corrals there. I continued on my journey downtown but, on my return through the Valley an hour later, I swooped down as the gentlemen were leaving, covered in mud, and clearly exhausted. They both spoke with English accents so my suspicions were aroused. I asked them how their afternoon had gone and one sheepishly replied – ‘It went very well, thank you, but don’t believe a word those sheep tell you – this is a Valley where men are men and sheep are lying little buggers...’
Well, it’s that time of year again, when I leave these parts for the Annual Turkey Vultures and Other Birds of Prey Convention at a secret location many miles from here. You will no doubt be pleased to hear that I shall be receiving a Special Vulturanitarian Award for lifetime services to the Birds of Prey Community of Northern California, to go along with yet another Carrion-Eater of the Year Title (Anderson Valley Division). Thanks to everyone who has made these awards possible, particularly of course Hummingbird and my fellow Vultures... I shall return in a couple of weeks and look forward to resuming my Bird’s Eye Views in the May 4th edition... In the meantime, I think you know the routine by now...
‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 254 - March 30th, 2011

2011-03-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... First up I must offer apologies on behalf of Gloria Ross and her crew for the cancellation of the monthly Barn Sale event last weekend. The weather was too bad and with a very muddy parking lot already an issue before more rains they decided to call it off. The next Barn Sale will now be the weekend of April 9th/10th (they do not do one later in April due to Easter)...
Moving on... I’d venture to say that you can do a lot worse things for a couple of hours on a Monday afternoon in the Valley than stand outside Lemons’ Market in Philo and listen to two old-timers’ reminisce about the old days.
Well, that’s what I found myself doing last week and how I wished the conversation could have been recorded somehow. I was talking about sheep with ‘Young’ George Gowan, as I do, when Willie Tucker came out of the store, spotted us, and joined in with a variety of tales of his own. With his wife Bobbie, Willie moved to the Valley in his early twenties from Arkansas in 1947, one of the earlier members of the ‘Arkie invasion’, and now they have quite an extended family here. Some people would not be aware of this because they had five daughters (one of whom died as a young child), and so when these four remaining gals married they gave up the Tucker name, marrying a Titus, a Slotte, a Knight, (all well- entrenched Valley families) and a Crabb. George, meanwhile, was born in 1942, a third generation Valley dweller whose grandfather had first come here in the 1890’s. The Gowan clan has spread far and wide in the Valley since then, and although he has not always lived here he has plenty of Valley stories too. At one point Willie told George that one of the finest men he had ever met here in the Valley was George’s father, George Sr., who passed away a couple of years ago. It was quite touching and the normally very stoic and unemotional George seemed to be taken back a little – in a good way...
Before we went our separate ways, nearly two hours later, something they both agreed on, as various people had come and gone at Lemons that whole time, was that “we don’t know any of these people anymore”. I asked them if they thought the Valley had changed for the better and both thought it had in some ways but not in others – “no more fishing” and “too many wineries owned by outsiders” were a couple of their bugbears. Anyway, this wonderful little interlude in the day led me to digging up for your Quotes of the Week a couple of comments by two other very wise men about change/progress. First let’s hear from Thomas Edison who commented that, “Restlessness and discontent are the necessities of progress” and of course it was Martin Luther King Jr. who observed that “All progress is precarious and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another one.” I think perhaps Willie and George might well agree...
Public Service Announcements... #141 – The first annual ‘PawFest’ takes place this coming weekend – Saturday, April 2nd from 2pm to 6pm at the A.V. Brewery in the lovely setting of ‘Brewery Park’ alongside their facility on the edge of town. This very special event will benefit the marvelous Anderson Valley Animal Rescue and will feature a chicken, tri-tip, and veggie bar-b-q by the Lions Club, beer from the Brewery, music by the Valley’s own Peanut Butter Jam Band, dog obedience displays, a raffle, and even a special commemorative t-shirt by famed local animal artist Paula Gray available for purchase. It sounds like a great time and it’s all for a wonderful cause, so with that in mind, while admission is free, there will be a donation box available for any much-appreciated contributions. Oh, and dogs on a leash are welcome too!... #142 – A heads-up to get your tickets for this upcoming event – benefiting the Anderson Valley Ambulance Service, it’s ‘James Taylor Roberts’ Tour of His Home & Garden’. Nationally renowned for outstanding design, Jim has been featured in Island Home, House & Garden, Trends and Options Magazines. This event will feature wine pairings with small tastes and local artisans will be displaying and selling their ornamental garden oriented sculptures, pots and totems on the central lawn. It takes place on Saturday, June 4, 2011, from 1pm to 5pm; $40/person, sales limited to 250 tickets. Tickets to this event will be sent by May 15, 2011 and checks should be payable to AVAS and sent to Ginger Valen, AVAS, POB 222, Boonville, CA 95415. Include your return address. For more information call Ginger Valen at 707-895-9424...
Eating and Drinking News... There seems to be a little confusion about the opening hours of the new Buckhorn so let me clear that up for you – until May, when hours will increase, they will be open Monday (yes, somewhere to go on Mondays), Wednesday, and Thursday evenings from 5pm until 11pm or so – with dinner served until 9pm; Fridays will be 11.30am to midnight, serving lunch and then dinner until 10pm; and on Saturdays and Sundays it’s 10am to midnight – serving ‘the soon-to-be-famous’ brunch and then dinner until 9pm.They will be closed on Tuesdays... The General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz held every Thursday at 7pm at Lauren’s Restaurant continues to be a popular Valley event and last week, with people no doubt going cabin crazy due to all the rain, Valley folks ventured out in big numbers for a total of fifty-four players at The Quiz! The winners were a team comprising the Schoeneman Family and friends from the local Farrington Winery with the runners-up, featuring our own Major Scaramella, ‘The Ellis-Ryder Girls’ and the Fashauer Clan, losing out by just ½ point...
Time to go... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… As always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 253 - March 23rd, 2011

2011-03-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... ‘No power in Boonville’ was the miserable word around the Valley last Sunday morning. Following the heavy storms of Saturday night/Sunday morning, the power in our local ‘metropolis’ was out and the whole place was closed down - very disappointing for many, particularly those heading to the newly opened Buckhorn pub/restaurant to enjoy owner/chef Tom Towey’s ‘soon-to-be world famous’ brunch, being served every Saturday and Sunday from 10am. Hopefully, by the time you read this, everything is back to normal although the radar would suggest we have more inclement weather to deal with for most of this week. I know, I know – ‘we need it’, but...
Although I did miss getting my much-anticipated brunch I was able to survive on the splendid leftover pepperoni and mushroom pizza that I had taken home from Lauren’s Restaurant the previous evening. It’s a very simple pie - and there is nothing wrong with that by the way - and when enjoyed with a can of Guinness it’s almost as good cold as it is fresh out of the oven. Trust me on this – you can thank me later...
Onward... The A.V. Film Festival Committee has passed on to me the final accounting breakdown for their event held in late January. The total profits were $1967 and this has been divided up between the six beneficiaries as follows: A.V. Senior Center - $500; A.V. Animal Rescue - $400; A.V. Elder Home - $300; A.V. High School Senior Scholarship - $300; A.V. High School Film Class - $267; and The Philo Grange - $200... On behalf of these local groups, many thanks to all who participated both in organizing and supporting this special Valley event...
Very heart-warming I must say, and with St Patrick’s Day having just passed may I share with you another heart-warming, yet sad, little tale about a friend of mine whose dog passed away in Ireland last week... Murphy lived alone in the Irish countryside with only his dog for company and so when the dog died, Murphy went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for my best friend?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church but there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature?'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $ 5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!’ the Priest exclaimed, ‘Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?’...
Public Service Announcements…#130 – Barn Sale - they’re back! Following a three-month hiatus during which time they took a well-deserved break yet still managed to put together a superb crab feed in Boonville and a St. Patrick’s Day event in Elk, The Barn Sale Crew, led by Gloria Ross, will return to The Big Barn, behind The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. It’s from 9am to 3pm, both Saturday and Sunday, March 26th/27th... #131 – To benefit the Navarro River Resource Center, Tommy Brown and his Smokin’ Mirrors Band will be playing at Lauren’s Restaurant at 9pm this coming Saturday, March 26th... #132 – Coming the following weekend, Saturday, April 2nd - the first annual ‘PawFest’! This very special event will benefit the Anderson Valley Animal Rescue and is to take place at a different venue to many Valley events - the A.V. Brewing Company. With a chicken, tri-tip, and veggie bbq by the Lions Club, beer from the Brewery, music by the Valley’s own Peanut Butter Jam Band, dog obedience displays, a raffle, and even a special commemorative t-shirt by famed local animal artist Paula Gray available for purchase, it sounds like a great time and it’s all for a wonderful cause. With that in mind, while admission is free, there will be a donation box available for your much-needed and appreciated contributions. So, please take note – it’s Saturday, April 2nd from 2pm to 6pm – and is not to be missed. Oh, and dogs on a leash are welcome too!...
Moving quickly on to the continuing topic of discussion at The Three-Dot Lounge – the opening of The Buckhorn and the fact that the Valley has a varied selection of venues at which to spend time with friends while enjoying fine food, top quality beers, and exceptional wines. Over the past few days, our regulars at The 3-Dot have passed on these quotes/words of wisdom on the subject of drinking so I thought it would be rude to not share some of them with you as your Quotes of the Week. Here we go with my three favorites - “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading” - veteran American comedian, Henny Youngman; “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” – non other than one of the great Americans, Benjamin Franklin; and, saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of television’s ‘Cheers’ fame, who was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm as they sat at the bar sipping a cold one – “Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers”... It’s difficult to argue with that, I’m sure you would agree...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 252 - March 16th, 2011

2011-03-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well it’s actually going to happen – The Buckhorn, Boonville will finally be opening it’s doors tomorrow evening, Thursday, March 17th!!! Owner Tom Towey has persevered and fought through the ridiculous red tape and mind-boggling bureaucracy of Mendocino County over the last six months in order to open a pub/restaurant. One would like to think the local government would try to help such endeavors instead of doing their best to prevent such small businesses opening and being successful. It’s actually quite disgraceful what has happened, but now that the bastards have finally been beaten down a new and much needed and anticipated establishment, that will certainly add to the enjoyment of an afternoon or evening out in Boonville, is going to open.
Twenty-plus local people will be employed, the menu is new and exciting (including pizza), the beer and wine selection is second to none in the county, and the place looks great! It will hopefully be a wonderful success and provide the community with something it has needed for a long time – a fine drinking and eating establishment at which to spend time with family and friends. For your Quote of the Week, I feel it is perfectly appropriate to give you the wise words of the British social commentator and writer, Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) – “Nothing has been yet contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn.” I would venture to say that this is as true today as on the occasion he originally made this very astute observation...
With the new pub opening on St Patrick’s Day, I am informed that the menu will have a Corned beef special and the usual fixings as a first night special. With a pint of Guinness to wash those goodies down I shall most certainly be there – hopefully many of you will be too... Meanwhile, here’s a bit of Irish logic to contemplate as you toast a ‘Happy St. Patrick’s to one and all’ – these are the thoughtful words of Irish ‘philosopher’ Brian O'Rourke who sagely observed, “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!”...
Hopefully any such indulgences will not lead to anything like a heart attack. However, in case it does, a concerned reader wishes to pass on this latest scientific information about heart attacks and the use of aspirin in such an event... “Keep aspirin by your bedside, in your pocket, in your car. There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain on the left arm. One may also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating; however these symptoms may occur less frequently. There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water. Immediately call 911 and say "heart attack – I have taken two aspirins!” Then phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by and ask them to come over; meanwhile take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door and wait for their arrival - DO NOT lie down”... Now you know...
Public Service Announcements…#30 – The Winter Market continues on Saturday mornings on the porch at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Featuring foods and crafts, the market runs from 10.30am to 1pm... #31 – One for your calendar in a couple of weeks time - it’s the first annual ‘Paw Fest’! This very special event will benefit the marvelous Anderson Valley Animal Rescue and is to take place at the beautiful venue of the Brewery Park at the A.V. Brewing Company alongside their facility on the edge of town. With a chicken, tri-tip, and veggie bbq by the Lions Club, beer from the Brewery, music by the Valley’s own Peanut Butter Jam Band, dog obedience displays, a raffle, and even a special commemorative t-shirt by famed local animal artist Paula Gray available for purchase, it sounds like a great time and it’s all for a wonderful cause. Take note - April 2nd from 2pm to 6pm – not to be missed. Oh, and dogs on a leash are welcome too!...
Moving quickly on to the main topic under discussion this past few days week at The Three-Dot Lounge... Well that would be the wonderful St. Patrick’s Dinner Dance held last Saturday at the Apple Hall in Boonville to benefit the Senior/Community Center. I was in attendance myself and, without fear of contradiction, I can say that the Corned beef dinner was very good indeed, the cakes donated for raffle prizes were outstanding, the band (‘Craig Titus and the Coyote Cowboys with guest Dean Titus’ (?)) were as good as ever, and based on the number of people dancing and enjoying a glass of beer or wine, undoubtedly a good time was had by all... With that in mind I flew over Boonville on Sunday morning and saw a small crew of volunteers/board members - Eddie and Gina Pardini, Sheri and Joe Hansen, and Patrick Ford, all clearing up after this event. There was so much to do, including lots of loading and unloading of trucks in the pouring rain, as everything was put back into place at the Apple Hall and equipment, coolers, etc were transported back to the Senior Center. The event raised over $2000 in profits and that, in my humble opinion, is in large part thanks to these unseen heroes of the Valley– people who volunteer their time and hard work to help improve the lives of others...
I’m outta here... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll? I know you’re happy that the Buckhorn is open...

# 251 - March 9th, 2011

2011-03-10T09:46:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I am indebted to Lady Dove for her response to my inquiry last week as to what happened to Bruce’s Bread, the local bakery originally opened by Bruce “Uncle Sam’ Hering back in the early eighties before he sold it fifteen years or so later. According to Her Ladyship’s research, depending on whom you ask, the business has closed down for good, sometime between one and three years ago. Although they did change the recipes and it was never quite the same after Bruce sold up, that is still too bad. I have many fond memories of devouring Bruce’s delicious bread either in a roast beef sandwich or as toast used for dipping into soft egg yolk – it was one of the many reasons that I originally enjoyed the Valley so much...
So, with that in mind, let’s have some comments on bread from a few wise men... First up, it’s this definitive comment - “Without bread, all is misery" - William Cobbett, British journalist (1763-1835); or in a similar vein, how about "With bread all sorrows are less" from ‘Don Quixote’ by Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616). There there is the poignant "There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread” from Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948); or perhaps on a more poetic note, “If thou tastest a crust of bread, thou tastest all the stars and all the heavens” from English poet and playwright, Robert Browning (1812 – 1889)... But my favorite, as I am a confirmed romantic who likes to eat and drink, is “A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou” from Omar Khayyam (1048-1131) the Persian scholar, poet, and scientist... And those, good bread lovers, are your Quotes of the Week...
I just thought you might like to be reminded that today, March 9th, is Ash Wednesday – the first day of Lent and one that derives its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads of adherents as a sign of repentance. For those of the Western Christian persuasion, it is a season of penance, reflection, and fasting. For us Turkey Vultures and the such-like, it is probably going to be more of the same old wining, dining, and debauchery. I know that is not clever, funny, and it’s certainly not healthy; but it’s what we’re good at and when shared with loved ones there is something almost quite ‘religious’ about it...
Onward... Public Service Announcements... #38 – This weekend sees a special event to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day – it’s a Dinner and Dance to benefit the Senior Center with music provided by the one and only Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys! This will be the biggest event of the spring and it all takes place on Saturday, March 12th at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Happy Hour starts at 5.30pm, a corned beef dinner prepared by honorable Irishman, Joe O’Hansen, will be served at 6.30pm, and the band and dance runs from 8pm to 11pm. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t be there! ... #39 – After a winter break, Pat Hulbert’s Bake Sale resumes on the porch at Lemons Market in Philo at 10am on Saturday, March 12th. All proceeds will benefit the Philo Methodist Church and Pat Hulbert’s cookies, Zuke bread, Huckleberry and Apple pies, and tarts, are not to be missed – they will sell out, I’m sure...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... According to a couple of regulars at The 3-Dot, our A.V. Fire Department Supremo, Colin Wilson, has almost completed his checks at The Buckhorn for that establishment’s opening in another week or so. Not knowing the Chief’s workload, but aware that this local business has been jumping through various bureaucratic hoops for nearly six months in its attempt to both provide a community venue and also over twenty jobs to local folks, one would hope this would be done with some haste... Other than that, when I stopped by to take a look around, it’s all systems go – a great looking place, certainly a very cozy pub/restaurant, and a venue that one would think all Valley folks can embrace and support, while enjoying fine wine, good beer and a menu featuring many delicious American classics, pub grub and pizza!...
... I am reliably informed that the two new members to be added to the Senior Center board are Linda Boudoures, dance instructor of ‘Young at Heart’ - the Senior dance and exercise group, along with the A.V. Brewery’s General Manager, Fal Allen (absolutely no relation whatsoever to ‘King’ Ken Allen). This follows the other recent addition - Loretta Houck of the Laughing Dog Book store. These three have replaced the recent departures from the Board, for health and work reasons, of Grace Espinoza, Deborah Cahn, and Harold Hulbert. The other current members of the seven-person Board are Sheri Hansen, Eddie Pardini, Steve Sparks, and Patrick Ford... It would seem that the Seniors are to be ‘served’ by quite a variety of folks from all walks of Valley life and that has to be a good thing...
... Unfortunately, as these fine people arrive on the scene, cook Natalie Matson, who over the past year has turned the Senior Center’s lunches and dinner evenings completely around in terms of good food and service, has announced her departure. She will be gone in a couple of week’s time, to pastures new, near to Chicago. This is where husband Clay, a Chicago native, who has been seeking work in his profession for nearly two years, has finally secured a horse-ranching job, of which none could be found around here unfortunately...
For the first time in several years, for reasons far too personal to share with my 13 lucky readers, I missed the Variety Show this past weekend. I heard mixed reviews, but that is always the case and as long as people realize it is a ‘variety’ show and not necessarily (but often in many cases) a talent show, then a good time is usually had by all. Congratulations to Colonel Raindrop and all his fellow-Varieteers on their twentieth production - a show ‘by the people, for the people’ and a great Valley night out...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Try to ‘Keep the Faith’ but in the meantime be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 250 - March 2nd, 2011

2011-03-03T09:13:00.001-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Lets’ start off with my current favorite topic – Egg News... I find myself continuing to rave about the delicious and large free-range eggs available from Jennifer’s 100 chickens in Philo. They are just too good for me not to mention, and I can assure you I have no financial gain or ‘egg-bonus’ for doing so! They can be found in the little refrigerator a few yards off the west side of the road at 7900 Hwy 128, about ½-mile north of downtown Philo, just past and opposite the 22.34 mile marker. I suggest you call Jennifer at 895-2585 before stopping by... Alternatively, if you’re not heading that way, there are eggs of equal deliciousness available from Beth Swehla’s High School Ag. Department. Again, if you’re not nearby, a phone call to the school first, to ensure availability, might be helpful – that would be 895-3496...
Public Service Announcements… #230 – The Annual Variety Show is this coming weekend and it’s the 20th such occasion! The fun and entertainment takes place on Friday and Saturday, March 4th and 5tt and will begin at 7pm each evening... #231 – Next week, it’s the second Tuesday of the month on the 8th and that means time for ‘Dinner and Bingo’ at the Senior Center. Chef Natalie will be serving one of her specialties – an Asian Cashew chicken at 6pm and the Bingo begins around 7pm – it will all be good, I can assure you... #232 - a special event to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day – it’s a Dinner and Dance to benefit the A.V. Senior Center with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys! This will be the biggest event of the spring and it all takes place on Saturday, March 12th at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Tickets are on sale in Boonville at Laughing Dog Books, All that Good Stuff, and The Fairgrounds, and at Lemons’ Market in Philo. Happy Hour is at 5.30pm with dinner to follow at 6.30pm and the band will get the dance floor hopping at about 8pm... I hope to see many of you there at this community event for a wonderful cause and please do try to respond generously to my ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish’ hat...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... On behalf of all our sports-loving regulars here at The 3-Dot, hearty congratulations to Coach Ed Slotte’s high school boys’ basketball team on their fine season which came to an end last week in the play-off game at Pt. Arena... And best wishes to Coach Ben Anderson’s boys’ baseball squad as they embark on yet another season filled with potential success...
... Whatever happened to Bruce’s Bread? One regular claims the bakery is still in town but another said they had moved to Redwood Valley. I tried calling two different phone numbers and neither was correct. Does anybody really know?...
... Many regulars were amused/bemused by the fact that ‘Doctor’ Herb Ruhs has ‘flip-flopped’ in his demonization of The Boonville Saloon. In his letter last week he claims that his previous letter, the one that complained about the behavior of what he as perceived as customers of the bar, was regrettable and that he now wished that he had been able to speak to the owners before writing it. So, err, why didn’t he? Anyway, from just two weeks ago when he was demanding that the bar’s license be suspended, Herb has now moved to viewing The Saloon as being an establishment that he is ‘pleased to live across from.’ Keep taking the tablets, Doc, and we’ll all forgive and forget...
... A couple of regulars, along with myself, and our delightful significant others paid a visit to Libby’s Restaurant last Friday evening. Now having spent lots of time in Mexico and having also eaten at numerous homes in our Mexican community here in the Valley, I feel somewhat qualified to say that the food at Libby’s is not ‘Mexican’ per se. It is a sort of CaliMex fusion but when the carnitas plate served with a bottle of Pacifico beer tastes that good, it really doesn’t matter what kind of cuisine it is – it is simply delicious and surely it would be hard to better anywhere...
So with snow falling up here at The Nest for the first time in at least a decade, it would seem a good time to have a few beers. Now before anyone judges that to be a bad thing, let me share with you, under the heading ‘Life Lessons’, a wise thought from comedian Dave Barry that you may find useful, even important, to share with others at some point as you meander across life’s rich tapestry – “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” And I guess that is your Quote of the Week...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... So ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 249 - February 23rd, 2011

2011-02-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And let’s get straight into this week’s Public Service Announcements…
#42 – An early heads-up for a special event to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in a couple of weeks time – it’s a Dinner and Dance to benefit the Senior Center with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys! This will be the biggest event of the spring and it takes place on Saturday, March 12th at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Tickets are on sale in Boonville at Laughing Dog Books, All that Good Stuff, and The Fairgrounds, and at Lemons’ Market in Philo. More details to follow but you can be sure the corned beef will be delicious and the music as good as it gets, so I humbly suggest you add it to your calendar a.s.a.p..... #43 – Is it that time again already? Yes it is – The Annual Variety Show is just around the corner and it’s the 20th such occasion! The fun and entertainment takes place on Friday and Saturday, March 4th and 5th at 7pm each evening and even if you’re not in an act, or even like such events as a rule, come along anyway because there is an exciting rumor that Captain Rainbow has bought a new tuxedo – yes, folks, after nineteen years of being soaked in blood, sweat, and tears, he has apparently retired ‘Old Faithful’ and bought a new one!... #44 – Oops, forgot again – tonight, Wednesday 23rd, sees the monthly gathering of the Independent Career Women (I.C.W.) but if you haven’t sent in your r.s.v.p. by now I imagine it’s way too late. Remember, it’s always the last Wednesday of the month and you can check in with Sandra at 895-3069 for further information... Now a few reminders that I haven’t mentioned in quite a while... #45 - Every Tuesday and Saturday, The A.V. Lending Library run by The Unity Club is open at The Fairgrounds in Boonville during the following hours: Tues 1.30pm to 4.30pm and Saturday 2pm to 4pm... #46 - Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, The A.V Museum in the Little Red Schoolhouse next to the Elementary School is open from 1pm to 4pm – as I’ve pointed out many times, this is surely the ‘Best Little Museum in the West’... #47 – On every Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday, the County Dump, a couple of miles west of Boonville up Mountain View Road, is open from 9am – 4pm. Remember, no dead animals – please leave that to me and my brethren...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... There was a very irritated customer at the Three-Dot a couple of days ago. Apparently he had almost been run over near to the Boonville Post Office by an odd-looking yellow golf cart/ice-cream mini-truck. “It was being badly driven by a guy in an ill-fitting hat, mumbling to himself. That guy seems very odd and he drives like a maniac. Besides, is that thing even legally allowed on the road?” complained the angry customer. He went on, “Those people complaining of anti-social behavior outside the Boonville Saloon of late should perhaps also mention this jerk - a ‘cult of public nuisances’ all on his own, I’d say”...
... Moving on...Once again, everyone in the Three-Dot wholeheartedly agreed this week that when the A.V. High School beats Mendocino High in any school sport it provides us all with a most satisfying feeling. The aloof/superior airs shown by some of the Cardinals’ fans, coupled with the taunting I have witnessed in recent years by some of their players, makes this year’s convincing victories by the A.V. girls volleyball and the boys’ soccer and basketball teams all the more gratifying. Go Panthers – eat a Cardinal for breakfast... and lunch, dinner and supper!...
... During another school-related discussion, some regulars were wondering about a couple of things and I did not know the answers to either of their questions - Is Spanish offered at the Junior High School? Is Geography taught at either the Junior High or High School?
..., And yet more school ‘stuff’... Rumors have it that as many as three, four, or perhaps even all five seats on the School Board may be up for election this year. I cannot confirm this, and some of the numbers certainly sound a little far-fetched, but it’s what I’ve heard from a couple of sources so I guess we’ll see. No, no, no - thanks for your support but I couldn’t possibly run for such a position. Although if I did and won, you can be sure I’d push for such things as: far fewer lights on when nobody is there – what a waste of money that is; more homework – two hours a night never harmed me in my junior and senior years at Bird of Prey Academy; stricter codes of dress (for the students at least) and firm enforcement of those codes; more chickens laying delicious eggs in the Ag. Department; and squished-squirrel pie on the lunch menu... And that would all be for discussion at just the first meeting...
Well, I think that’s enough about the youth of today and their world, now I think it’s time to take my leave and retreat into my own world of wine-sipping and carrion crunching... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 248 - February 16th, 2011

2011-02-17T10:33:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The Super Bowl Party at a large white house in Washington D.C. attended by the Valley’s very own Robert Mailer Anderson, included many guests from the Democratic Party hierarchy including a big Chicago Bears fan by the name of Barrack Obama. My leading sports correspondent, Very Spotted Owl, reports that when Robert posed for post game pictures alongside that very same Mr. Obama, one wisecracking guest remarked ‘Who’s that standing next to Bruce Anderson’s nephew, Robert?’... I couldn’t possibly comment...
However, I can comment on last Saturday evening’s marvelous entertainment for the discerning adult held at The Grange here in Anderson Valley. I’m referring to the play performed by local resident and accomplished actor of stage, screen, and television, René Auberjonois along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It was entitled ‘Off their Cuffs’ and featured a series of short stories, poems, and quotes read by these two very professional and talented actors. They played to a virtual full-house of nearly 300 people with proceeds going to the A.V. Education Foundation and it appeared that everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves. It just goes to show – if quality entertainment is provided for our many erudite Valley citizens then they will certainly support it. What’s next, René? Anyone?...
Not for the first time, but hopefully the last, I have managed to botch the last name of one of the Valley’s Clark/Reilly clan. Christy, who recently helped me in finding good homes for Sam Prather’s pups, is actually Christy Reilly. She is not a Clark. That leads me to this week’s Quote of the Week from the ever youthful and sexy English actress, Joan Collins, who said in one of her wiser moments, “Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I’ll show you someone who has never achieved much.” Thanks for your support, Joan...
Public Service Announcements… #111 – I am indebted to my dear friend, Silver Swan, for reminding me that this coming Saturday, February 19th, there will be a community ‘Welcome Back’ Party (from the Middle East) for the Valley’s own Sergeant Manuel ‘Manny’ Mendoza along with a celebration of the young man’s birthday. It’s from 1pm -5pm at The Fairgrounds in Boonville and an event that we perhaps should all consider attending. For further information call Marcela at 391-6947... #112 – For your disposal of hazardous materials please note that The Haz-Mat Collection is this weekend - Fri/Sat, Feb 18th/19th. It is free and runs from 9am-1pm at The Fairgrounds parking lot in Boonville... #113 - Laughing Dog Books in downtown Boonville will host author Jean Hegland this Saturday, Feb 19th from 2pm-4pm. Remember there are new hours at our local bookstore - 10am-6pm every day, except Tuesdays when they are closed. #114 – The big social event this weekend is the KZYX & Z Benefit starting at 7pm Saturday, Feb 19th at The Grange. It’s The Full Moon Fandango, a dance party fundraiser, with live music by The Battlin’ Bluebirds –all female blues band from San Francisco and
Rogerwood, There will be local beer & wine, soft drinks & snacks. Admission is sliding scale -- $10 - $15 with kids 12 & under free.
Come as you are or dress to the nines... #115 - Time again to remind you of the excellent service provided for many in the form of the Bookmobile Library. Over the next month it will be in the Valley on Tuesdays, Feb 22nd, March 8th, and March 22nd. On each of those days, they will be in Navarro from 9am-9.30am, (then off to Comptche from 10.45am-11.30am), at The Floodgate 1pm-1.45pm, Philo 2pm-2.45pm, and then the Boonville Apple Hall Building 3pm-3.45pm. Make another note on your calendars; it’s a wonderful thing... Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... First it’s more egg news... Regulars continue to rave about the free-range eggs available from Jennifer, well actually her chickens, in Philo at 895-2585. Large and very tasty - unlike those excuses for eggs that we are offered at most big stores these days, she has about one hundred chickens currently laying. They are just off the highway about ½-mile north of downtown Philo just past and opposite the 22.34 mile marker at 7900 Hwy 128. Check out the little refrigerator a few yards off the west side of the road. Short of laying the eggs myself on your porch I’m not sure what else I can do...
... Following last week’s rambling and repetitive letter to the A.V.A. concerning late night/early morning disturbances on the street outside The Boonville Saloon, many Three-Dot regulars were up in arms with claims that the writer of the letter had it all wrong. I decided to put my ace crime reporter, Balding Eagle, on the case... In the last few years, through the tenancy of Tom Towey and now Shelly Mayberry and Marcia Mendoza, The Lodge/Saloon, has gone through a major transformation in terms of the frequency of such incidents. In fact there has not been one 911 call to report problems since the two women took over there late last summer. Therefore it came as little surprise to me that, based on Eagle’s further enquiries, it would appear that the complaints made by local resident Dr. Herb Ruhs were, according to those interviewed, exaggerated and had little to do with the bar and its patrons. The establishment had closed at least an hour earlier, owners Shelly and Marcia were cleaning up in fact, and the disturbance consisted of just a single guy doing ‘doughnuts’ in a little Honda who had not even been a customer in the bar. Of course, everyone will tell their own version of the story but upon hearing that the original tale came from the man who is/was apparently the physician to Captain Fathom, I know whom I tend to believe...
... As a fan of the City of Detroit, for all sorts of reasons too self-indulgent to mention here now, I have thoroughly enjoyed the Chevrolet ‘Imported from Detroit’ commercials on television that have appeared in recent weeks... Now, I am the last Vulture to say anything positive about today’s television commercials, let’s face it, 95% of them are basically insulting to any vaguely intelligent mind, but these pro-Detroit ads are doing their best, in an intelligent and thoughtful way, to bolster the fortunes of a real American city that has seen better days and will hopefully see them once again at some point... Let’s support the Motor City!...
I’m outta here... Meanwhile, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. Buy a Chevy today!

# 247 - February 9th, 2011

2011-02-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... First up, I have pretty good news on the Prather Pups situation. On speaking to Sam a few days ago he has managed to find good homes for five of the seven Border collie pups he was unexpectedly presented with by his excellent female working-dog three months ago. The final two should go soon and hopefully we can then put this Valley Tale in our ‘Job Well Done’ file. Thanks to those who helped with this, particularly Christy Clark with her invaluable flyers...
Public Service Announcements… #228 – This coming Saturday evening, Feb 12th, you will get the chance to see local resident and very accomplished actor of stage, screen, and television, René Auberjonois appear in a play, ‘Off their Cuffs’, along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It’s at The Grange for one night only, with a 6.30pm social hour and curtain at 7.30pm, and is a fundraising event for the A.V. Education Foundation. (p.s. There is an interview by Steve Sparks with Mr. Auberjonois in this week’s newspaper)... #229 – This month’s Grange Meeting is at 7pm, on Tuesday, Feb 15th... #230 – This just in from Beth Swehla at the A.V. High School Ag Department – “Just a reminder that our hens are in laying mode now. We have lots of yummy eggs. Just $3.50 a dozen. Tell a friend! Call me at 895-2514. Thanks, Beth”...
Moving on... Rather than a fly-on-the-wall, I decided to be more a bird-of-prey-in-the-rafters as I joined a crowd of maybe sixty people in attendance at the Unity Club’s post-luncheon gathering with Sheriff Tom Allman as guest speaker. Ostensibly, I was there to see how the Sheriff would respond to some penetrating questions from the audience concerning the future of Deputy Walker here in the Valley, given the ‘last hired; first fired’ policy that will see him gone when the next budget cuts are made. This is a policy in which job security is not based on merit, and which sees ability and effectiveness on the job, along with an acceptance and appreciation by all of the Valley’s various communities, all count for little. That’s the way it is apparently – ridiculous and unfair, but it’s the same in most public/civil service positions. Unfortunately the probing questions on this matter were not forthcoming and Allman easily dealt with those he was confronted by in his usual slick yet competent manner. By most accounts he is a good sheriff, and is undoubtedly very personable, but if he’d said one more time that he meant something ‘from the bottom of my heart’ I think I would have had to swoop down and make a mess on his perfectly ironed shirt... Overall it was an opportunity lost I fear, but at least let’s get going with a petition of some sort – it may be all we can do... Meanwhile the drunk drivers remain un-checked, no patrols are carried out, and the Valley’s tweekers and petty criminals behave virtually without restraint and, perhaps of greater concern, they continue to slowly encroach further on the Valley’s law-abiding citizens...
That’s all very pessimistic I know so let’s think on a potentially brighter side and, for the Quote of the Week, remember the words of Robert Kennedy who said, “Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gets the kind of law enforcement it insists on.” Precisely. Too bad he wasn’t at the Unity Club luncheon, eh?...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... The big topic of conversation around The Three-Dot this week has been the wonderful Crab Feed put on by Gloria Ross and her team of volunteers last Saturday evening in Boonville. With a record attendance of over four hundred eager guests, the vast majority from the Valley, the crab was particularly good this year; the service by high school students was very efficient; the raffle kept many in the crowd absorbed; the pacing of the evening was perfect – from the social hour all the way through; and the many post-meal mini-gatherings around the bar and throughout the Apple Hall once again convinced me that this is surely the Valley’s most community-centric event of the year...
... Loretta Houck’s excellent Laughing Dog Book store in the heart of Boonville has new hours. They will be open from 10am-6pm except Tuesdays when they are closed all day. I believe this excellent little store deserves your support and there is a wide range of wonderful books to choose from. Reading a good book is a wonderful pastime, and hopefully not a dying one...
... With the 94 year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor suffering with some serious health issues, I shared the thought with a couple of regulars that I felt that she was perhaps the Paris Hilton of here day - somebody not particularly talented in any way other than being a ‘face’ at many celebrity functions and parties. However, Zsa Zsa, who basically began the ‘famous for being famous’ character that today’s D-List celebrities adopt so poorly and tediously, had some class and a degree of sophistication that the current versions can only dream of...
... Sticking with the world of entertainment, several regulars and I watched ‘This is it’ – the 2009 American documentary–concert film that documents Michael Jackson's rehearsals and preparation for the concert series of the same name that was canceled due to his death... Two things really struck me, and both reinforced opinions already held by myself and many, many others – firstly, he was very talented in his field – no, incredibly talented; and secondly he was treated like royalty by everyone around him, the Director being particularly humble and obsequious, virtually bowing his head when talking to M.J., while the dancers and musicians were simply in awe. Yes, he was certainly the ‘King of Pop’ in every sense...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 246 - February 2nd, 2011

2011-02-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... News Flash!... The ‘Original’ Crab Feed, being held this coming Saturday, Feb 5th, is sold out! There are no tickets left anywhere and the organizers tell me that none will be available on the door either...
Meanwhile... Last week I passed on information about what you can do to save one of our local birds of prey (barn owls, hawks, and yes, even Turkey Vultures) if you come across one that is injured - take it to the Mendocino Animal Hospital in Ukiah, where it will get cared for and there will be no charge to you. This week how about saving a deputy sheriff? Yes, folks, there is a very real possibility that the Valley may be losing the admired and well-respected Deputy Craig Walker at some point this year for budgetary reasons. A couple of letters in the A.V.A.’s letters’ page touched on this subject in recent weeks and on further inquiries by Bald Eagle, my ace investigative reporter, there have already been cutbacks in the duties that Wallker and Deputy Squires are being asked to fulfill in terms of pro-active policing and even traffic violations. Walker’s police dog, which the community had paid for, is on hold, there have been hardly any D.U.I. arrests in the Valley since before Thanksgiving, patrols have virtually stopped, and the only winners in this situation are going to be the ‘bad guys’.
Already I have heard that the Valley’s ‘tweekers’ and other ‘ne’er-do-wells’ are very aware of the situation and are taking full advantage of it in the form of increased petty theft and excesses of unsocial behavior - crimes that are not ‘serious’ but pretty annoying to those affected all the same. Just a day or so ago my neighbor had gas siphoned out of his truck and a few days before that I had received this message from Pat Hulbert at the Philo Church – “Someone stole 100 gals of Kerosene from our Philo Church...Sure wish I could find out who it was...Have you seen a truck with a tank on it by the left side of the Philo Church?? Who ever it was got a real good deal, I had just sent the gas company $300 plus to pay for it...God Bless...Pat H”...
Now I am certainly not a Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes when it comes to law-enforcement but a certain degree of police presence and law enforcement is undeniably necessary in any decent, functioning community and if the current planned cutbacks are taken to their expected conclusion, then I feel, along with many others, that we may well be heading for a ‘wilder west’ than has been seen here for many, many years. To keep our deputies here in the Valley, and carrying out the fine job they have done to this point, do I hear a cry out there of ‘Let’s get a Community Petition going!’? What about direct pleas to our recently elected 5th District Supervisor, Dan Hamburg, a good man in my experience, to see if this can be sorted out? He will be a very important ‘player’ in the process over the next few months and let’s hope he is able to help us in some way. Then, of course, there is Sheriff Allman himself. Perhaps a petition organized amongst Valley folks and sent off to him might work wonders? Meanwhile, as fate would have it, the Sheriff will be ‘appearing’ in Boonville as the guest at the Unity Club’s monthly meeting at The Fairgrounds tomorrow, Thursday, Feb 3rd, at 1pm – why not attend, share some of your opinions, and ask some questions? (No rotten tomato throwing, please)...
Moving on to more pleasant matters... This Sunday at 3.30pm, it’s the Green Bay Packers against the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XLV - that’s #45 to the non-Romans amongst you. It’s two of the N.F.L.’s most storied teams in what should be a very close match-up – in fact the Packers are favored to win by less than a field goal... Here we go then, with my annual ‘Guaranteed, Stone-cold Lock for the Super Bowl’ – and I’m going with the Steelers to win 24-20 to claim their seventh title in eight attempts...
With that in mind how about this comment on sports by doom-and-gloom, yet quite brilliant author, George Orwell, for your Quote of the Week, “Serious sports has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence; in other words it is war minus the shooting”... And that was before he’d even seen the Steelers’ defense!...
Public Service Announcements… #226 - Mendocino Permaculture’s 28th Annual Winter Workshop will be held on Saturday, Feb 5, 2011, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Anderson Valley High School domes in Boonville. This is a public service event free to all. There will be no charge for admission, classes, scions, or for seeds. For further details call Barbara/Rob Goodell at 895-3897 ... #227 –The ‘Original’ Crab Feed, only for those who have tickets already, will be at 6pm this coming Saturday, February 5th at The Appole Hall in Boonville... #228 – On the following Saturday evening, Feb 12th, you will get the chance to see local resident and very accomplished actor of stage, screen, and television, Rene Auberjonois appear in a play, ‘Off their Cuffs’, along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It’s at The Grange for one night only, with a 6.30pm social hour and curtain at 7.30pm, and is a fundraising event for the A.V. Education Foundation... #229 – Time again to remind you of the excellent service provided for many in the form of the Bookmobile Library. Over the next month it will be in the Valley on Tuesdays, Feb 8th and Feb 22nd. On each of those days, they will be in Navarro from 9am-9.30am, (then off to Comptche from 10.45am-11.30am), at The Floodgate 1pm-1.45pm, Philo 2pm-2.45pm, and then the Boonville Apple Hall Building 3pm-3.45pm. Make another note on your calendars, it’s a wonderful thing...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 245 - January 26th, 2011

2011-01-25T21:04:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Here’s an important bit of information I was asked to pass on this week... If you come across, or are in a position to save, a bird of prey in some sort of distress – birds we see around here such as barn owls, hawks, and yes, even Turkey Vultures - please do not think there isn’t anything you can do to help, or that you will be presented with a bill if you take them in for vet care. Not true. Wrap them in a blanket and get them across to the Mendocino Animal Hospital in Ukiah where the excellent vets there will carry out any necessary surgery, free of charge to you. From there, the bird will be taken to the Willits Wildlife Rescue for rehabilitation and all costs will be covered. Good to know, eh?
Now to this week’s Public Service Announcements… #225 – It’s the first I.C.W. (Independent Career Women) meeting of 2011 tonight (Wednesday January 26th) at the Veterans’ Hall in Boonville and, following the disappointment of the Christmas Party cancellation, one hopes for a very good turnout. Regular readers will not be surprised to hear that my invitation has once again been lost in the mail... #226 – This coming weekend sees the 5th Annual A.V. Film Festival, once again at The Grange on Hwy 128. Movies, seventeen in total, including some excellent documentaries, high school films, and several classics of various genres, will be screened from Friday, Jan 28th thru’ Sunday, Jan 30th. The details can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org... #227 – The ‘Original’ Crab Feed, arguably the best pure Valley event of the year, benefiting the St Elizabeth Seton Church, will take place on Saturday, February 5th. Tickets will sell out – I guarantee it! You can get yours at Lemons’ Market in Philo, Laughing Dog Books in Boonville, or by calling Gloria Ross (895-3071), Eva Holcomb (895-3307), or John Schultz (895-9552)... #228 – On the following Saturday evening, Feb 12th, you will get the chance to see local resident and very accomplished actor of stage, screen, and television, Rene Auberjonois appear in a play, ‘Off their Cuffs’, along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It’s at The Grange for one night only, with a 6.30pm social hour and curtain at 7.30pm, and is a fundraising event for the A.V. Education Foundation... #229 – Very early heads-up for an entry on your calendar - The Lions Club Easter Sunday Breakfast Fundraiser will be for the Fire Department this year, and there is talk that they will become the beneficiary at this event every year. This time round it is on Sunday, April 24th – details to follow at a later date...
Moving quickly on to several of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... As one regular wisely observed the other day, “Sometimes a Guinness and a bowl of French fries at Lauren’s Restaurant is all a man needs to complete a satisfactory day”...
... Along with several other regulars at the 3-Dot, I shared in the positive reviews of the A.V. Teen Drama Group’s production at The Grange last weekend in which eight young actors enthusiastically, and with no shortage of talent, performed an excellent version of John Hughes’ ‘The Breakfast Club.’ Kudos to one and all, and particularly Marcus Magdaleno, whose direction showed that he clearly knows a thing or two about ‘treading the boards’...
... Several of the former Boonville Lodge employees will be working at The Buckhorn when it opens, in actual fact probably more than half of them will be... Meanwhile, I am told the opening will be around mid-February and, as further confirmation, I saw the pizza ovens going into the renovated kitchen on Saturday afternoon... Yer gotta like that!...
... The Senior Center Crab Feed was a big success and their profit target was reached, despite the price of crab going up by about 40% since last year... Next up, their St Patrick’s Day event in March...
... What were that group of Valley ‘movers and shakers’ discussing fervently over coffee at The Redwood Drive-In last Thursday afternoon? They included Cheryl Schrader and Jim Teresinski of the A.V. Animal Rescue, The Lions’ Club’s secretary Judy Long, and Steve Sparks. A little bird tells me that we may have a fundraiser on the way for the Valley’s animals and pets in need– a good thing too...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 244 - January 19th, 2011

2011-01-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Let’s get straight into the P.S.A.’s as I have plenty to tell you about this week – get your calendars out, pens at the ready!...
Public Service Announcements… #125 – This coming weekend sees a presentation of John Hughes’ ‘The Breakfast Club’ by the A.V. Teen Drama Club at The Grange. Directed by local theatrical impresario, Marcus Magdaleno, the play will be performed on Friday 21st and Saturday 22nd, with a 7pm curtain each evening... #126 – The weekend after this will witness the 5th Annual A.V. Film Festival, once again at The Grange. Movies, seventeen in total, including some excellent documentaries, high school films, and several classics of their genre, will be screened from Friday, Jan 28th thru’ Sunday, Jan 30th. The details can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org... #127 – After a weekend of films, it will be just about time for another Crab Feed wouldn’t you say? Well you’re in luck - the ‘Original’ Crab Feed, arguably the best pure Valley event of the year, benefiting the St Elizabeth Seton Church, will take place on Saturday, February 5th. Tickets will sell out – I guarantee it! You can get yours at Lemons’ Market in Philo, Laughing Dog Books in Boonville, or by calling Gloria Ross (895-3071), Eva Holcomb (895-3307), or John Schultz (895-9552)... #128 – The day after The Feed, Sunday, Feb 6th, is Super Bowl Sunday, and then on the following Saturday, Feb 12th, you will get the chance to see local resident and very accomplished actor of stage, screen and television, Rene Auberjonois appear in a play, ‘Off their Cuffs’, along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It’s at The Grange for one night only, with a 6.30pm social hour and curtain at 7.30pm, and is a fundraising event for the A.V. Education Foundation... #129 – That’s enough ‘entertainment’ for now but something I have been remiss in mentioning in recent times is the excellent service provided for many in the form of the Bookmobile Library. Over the next month or so it will be in the Valley on Tuesdays, Jan 25th, Feb 8th, and Feb 22nd. On each of those days, they will be in Navarro from 9am-9.30am, (then off to Comptche from 10.45am-11.30am), at The Floodgate 1pm-1.45pm, Philo 2pm-2.45pm, and then the Boonville Apple Hall Building 3pm-3.45pm. Make another note on your calendars, it’s a wonderful thing...
And with that in mind, for your Quote of the Week, let’s quickly pass over Mau Tse-Tung’s negativity in proclaiming that “To read too many books is harmful” and concentrate on the far more pleasing thoughts from the 18th century social commentator and political thinker Baron de Montesquieu who said, “I have never known any distress that an hour’s reading did no relieve.” Precisely, Monty, you wise old bugger...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... Who was that ‘confused’ looking young fellow whose photograph appeared in the Valley page of last week’s A.V.A.? Despite clearly having imbibed one or five too many alcoholic beverages when the picture was taken, Hummingbird thought he was “very cute” and that concerns me...
... A couple of regulars shared a disappointing tale of a situation that has arisen in the past month or so regarding one of the many employees at a longstanding Valley enterprise. Apparently, and this is second hand and I’ve not heard both sides point of view, the business owners would not accept its loyal and very hard-working employee of more than three decades wishing to go part-time for a couple of years before retirement, even though he had already passed retirement age some time ago. Not only was he ‘let go’, to use that insulting term that is so often flippantly thrown out by employers, but he was also asked to move out of the house that is on the company’s property and which he and his family had called home for many, many years. It was a pure business decision I’m sure, and presumably not personal, but I would have hoped for better from people round here. I guess I shouldn’t...
... Many regulars came by The 3-Dot on Sunday and had lots of positive things to say about the Crab Feed held the previous evening to benefit the Senior Center. I had to agree. Tommy Lemons’ (of Lemons Market in Philo) had caught the crab, Harold Hulbert and his Crab Crew had cooked it, and a whole bunch of volunteers, including the A.V. High School Cheerleaders (working for tips to buy their new uniforms), made sure it was served up to everyone’s delight on Saturday evening. With lots of kind donations of wine from local vineyards, gifts from Valley businesses and individuals for a successful raffle, Dean Titus and Friends providing just the right music for such an event, and of course the all-important work done by the set-up and clean-up crews, I believe the whole event was a big success. On behalf of the Seniors, ‘well done and many thanks to all concerned’...
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. And before you get too ‘down and dirty with those comments, try to remember – we Turkey Vultures are Nature’s Garbage Collectors - an honorable profession, even if I do say so myself… Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me – unless of course somebody hits me with a really heavy, hard-covered dictionary…

# 243 - January 12th, 2011

2011-01-13T09:48:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And let’s start off by wishing the following Valley folks hearty congratulations on their January Birthdays – Shirley Hulbert, Eva Johnson, Jim Nickless, Maureen Bowman, Vicky Centers, Gene Walker, Sue Davies, and Patrick Ford – ‘Many happy returns!’... Here’s one of my favorite comments about a related topic – birth. It comes from my old friend Bill Shakespeare who wrote a few decent plays about 400 years ago, and in perhaps his best tragedy, ‘King Lear’, he included the following line, “When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools”... Difficult to argue with that, I’d venture to say...
Moving swiftly on... Public Service Announcements – lots of ‘em this week… #322 – Sam Prather, one of the last remaining real shepherds in the Valley, has a few Border collie pups available. His two-year-old female has produced a great litter with working parents and there are four females and three males, although he plans to keep a couple himself - a sign of how good these dogs will be. Ideally the rest will go to working homes but failing that perhaps just good homes would do – i.e. where these highly intelligent yet sometimes highly strung dogs are not left alone all day long in a confined space or rarely get proper exercise. Call Sam at 895-3049 for further details... #323 – The Winter Market (this time of year’s A.V. Farmer’s Market), continues on the porch at Lauren’s Restaurant on Saturday mornings from 10.30am to 1pm... #324 – This coming Saturday, Jan 15th, it’s the first of the two Crab Feeds held in the Valley around this time each year. This one, with music by Dean Titus and the always-enjoyable raffle, not to mention the vast amounts of fresh crab of course, will benefit the Senior Center and tickets are available from Gina Pardini at 895-3609. You can also buy them at any one of these Valley outlets – Lemons’ Market in Philo, Laughing Dog Books, All that Good Stuff, or The Fairground Office in Boonville, or at the Yorkville Market... #325 – The monthly Grange meeting is on Tuesday, Jan 18th at 7pm... #326 – The following weekend will see a presentation of John Hughes’ ‘The Breakfast Club’ by the A.V. Teen Drama Club at The Grange. Directed by local theatrical impresario, Marcus Magdaleno, the play will be performed on Friday 21st and Saturday 22nd, with a 7pm curtain each evening... #327 – Next up after that, it’s the 5th Annual A.V. Film Festival, once again at The Grange. Movies, seventeen in total, are being screened from Friday, Jan 28th thru’ Sunday, Jan 30th and all the details are at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org... #328 – Finally this week, early-ish notice of the chance to see local resident and very accomplished actor of stage, screen and television, Rene Auberjonois appear in a play, ‘Off the Cuff’, along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It’s at The Grange on Saturday, Feb 12th for one night only...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... Regulars are raving about the free-range eggs available from Jennifer at 895-2585. Large and very tasty - unlike excuses for eggs that we are offered at most big stores these days. She has about one hundred chickens currently laying and they are just off the highway about ½-mile north of downtown Philo. Stop by, you can thank me later!...
... A couple of regulars at The 3-Dot are also ‘members’ of the ‘Cup of Brew Crew’, a gathering that assembles at Mosswood Market every weekday morning at 8am to sip the morning mud and discuss a wide range of topics. This group is comprised of about ten ‘gentlemen’ and features a wide range of folks from all walks of Valley life. As far as I know, the long-standing and original ‘Daily Grind Gang’ at the Drive-In down the street still convenes regularly too and I eagerly await the first ‘Brew Bowl’ coffee guzzling and debating competition between these two sets of early morning wordsmiths and Cup of Joe slurpers...
... School is back in session and being aware of the amount of sports practices/pick-up games that took place over the holidays, I can only hope that as much effort will be put into the students’ studies over the upcoming months – come on boys and girls, give it your all, particularly you seniors - you know it makes sense...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...
p.p.p.p.s. It’s not all glamour being a Turkey Vulture but we do get many compliments. My favorite comes from no less an ‘expert’ than Charles Darwin who said about us Turkey Vultures, “A disgusting bird whose bald scarlet head is formed to wallow in putridity” – Thank you for the kind words, Charlie, I rest my case…

# 242 - January 5th, 2011

2011-01-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

Greetings! If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Welcome to 2011 and may it be happy and healthy for one and all... Any New Year’s Resolutions? These are difficult to maintain of course and perhaps we should not put too much pressure on ourselves. As Benjamin Franklin so wisely once advised, “Resolve to perform what you ought to do; then perform without fail what you have resolved.” Easy right? Anyway, that’s your Quote of the Week...
Public Service Announcements… #326 – Those two Valley Crab Feeds are approaching – got your tickets yet? Both are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and first up it’s the Senior Center Benefit that takes place on Saturday, Jan 15th. Tickets are available from Gina Pardini at 895-3609 or you can pick them up at any one of these Valley outlets – Lemons’ Market in Philo, Laughing Dog Books, All that Good Stuff, or The Fairground Office in Boonville, or at the Yorkville Market... Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 5th for which, at this point, you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071 or Eva Holcomb at 895-3307... #327 – The A.V. Film Festival returns to The Grange from Friday, Jan 28th thru’ Sunday, Jan 30th, and all the details you care to know can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org... #328 – an early heads-up for the chance to see local resident and very accomplished actor of stage, screen and television, Rene Auberjonois appear in a play along with co-star Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever, hip d.j. on television’s ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’). It’s at The Grange on Saturday, Feb 12th for one night only...
How was your New Year’s Eve? After a late afternoon/early evening tipple or four at the A.V. Brewery Visitors Center, I proceeded to enjoy a relatively alcohol-free evening up here at The Nest with a sickly Hummingbird. Long-time regular readers will be aware that I try to avoid those two nights of the year – New Year’s and St. Patrick’s - when the amateurs come out to ‘play”, so not for the first time my top investigative reporter, Bald Eagle took on the assignment. He was on the periphery of the scenes at both The Boonville Saloon and Lauren’s Restaurant, although he left the serious drinking and creative reporting to my A.V.A. colleague, Bruce McEwan...
Bald Eagle reports, ‘At Lauren’s, the ‘usual suspects’ were gathered in good numbers to enjoy and dance to the sounds of Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys. Generally these were people in our community who have moved to the Valley at various times over the past thirty-plus years or so from the cities, many of whom could be called back-to-the-land’ers, some just Brightlighters who’d had enough of the ‘craziness’ of City life. Those of a similar ilk but from the ‘younger generation’ joined the ‘old guard’ at Lauren’s later, after attending, in many cases, the annual sushi party thrown by ‘Boontberry Bert’ on Lambert Lane earlier in the evening... A different Valley group were having a fun-filled evening of merry-making at The Boonville Saloon – this was a gathering of folks whose families typically have been in the Valley since the Okie/Arkie migration days of the late forties and early fifties, whose descendants (those at the Saloon) attended the local High School, graduating from there some time between 1970 and 2005. To top off the evening, this crowd was treated to as fine a firework display as has been seen around here for some years; as one spectator exclaimed, ‘These are the best fireworks ever in the Valley’ And the person(s) responsible for such a wonderful, yet illegal, show??? I couldn’t possibly comment, but I did thank them for their efforts... Finally, those from a third section of the Valley, our Mexican community, who had not gone ‘home’ for the holidays and who remained here in the Valley, were generally at their homes or those of friends and family, enjoying their own scenes, some involving small firework displays plus plenty of home cooking, perhaps saving their big festivities for their main day of celebration January 6th - Día de los Santos Reyes, when gifts are exchanged’...
According to Bald Eagle, each group seemed to have had a marvelous evening without any unseemly incidents to report...There is obviously nothing wrong with any of this of course – it’s a great thing in fact. It indicates that the polarizing of communities still exists in these parts at times and surely there is nothing wrong with that...To me it shows that the wonderful ‘melting pot’ of cultures, belief systems, and backgrounds that makes up Anderson Valley, and which exists as a strength of the Valley’s well-being each and every day both at work, school, and often in many social and leisure-time situations, can at times be poured off into its various components and still be equally as strong and beneficial. In my humble opinion, this form of polarization continues to be real and present and is not a bad thing at all...
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 241 - December 29th, 2010

2010-12-30T09:51:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Happy New Year! In a couple of days it’s the amateur party-go’ers Big Night Out of the Year – New Year’s Eve! That’s fine of course but I encourage others to try and enjoy the festivities too, and wherever and with whomever they may find themselves, if someone is behaving badly to just smile and walk away – you know it makes sense...
In a week with little news to report on up here at The Nest, or from my travels out and about in the Valley that were somewhat restricted by the holidays and the weather, I thought that I’d do something a little different. So, for your Quote of the Week, what about some quips, comments, and downright abuse of newspapers? I’m sure none of these would be aimed at a newspaper as high-minded as The A.V.A. but knowing the machinations of some lesser principled organs of the press, the following words would appear to be very wise indeed... First let’s go with Charles Dickens’ vicious comment that newspapers are “so filthy and bestial that no honest man would admit one into his house for a water-closet doormat”... And almost as damning are the words of author Norman Mailer who said, “Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists”... Then there is George Orwell who adds to the abuse with the comment, “Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper”...
On the other side of the discussion, whilst “newspapers should have no friends” (Joseph Pulitzer), in the defense of such rare newspapers such as the A.V.A. – ‘America’s Last Newspaper’, I offer you the comment by somebody you would perhaps not particularly wish to see on your side in any discussion about ethics and morals – former Chicago Mayor (1955 – 1976), Richard J. Daly, who commented, “A newspaper is the lowest thing there is!” I think newspapers would generally take that as a compliment considering the source... But perhaps the most positive comment about newspapers is that by Thomas Jefferson, who would have been an avid A.V.A. reader in his day I am sure, who said, “Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.” Thanks for your support Thomas; I think that might have guaranteed you a free subscription...
Public Service Announcements… #21 – Lauren’s New Year’s Eve Party will feature Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys and a good crowd is expected featuring all sorts of Valley people, plus those who will have been to Boonberry Bert’s annual sushi party earlier in the evening... #22 – For many Valley folks of perhaps a different ilk, then The Boonville Saloon will have a party on the same night and this will probably be a sort of alumni gathering for large numbers of the A.V.H.S. grads of 1970 to 2005 and their families and friends... I hope to see many of you at both of these traditional Valley gatherings to welcome in the New Year... #23 - Another heads-up for the upcoming Crab Feeds that will take place in the New Year and for which tickets are now selling like hotcakes. The first ‘Feed’ will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 15th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609 or pick them up at any one of these Valley outlets – Lemons’ Market in Philo, Laughing Dog Books, All that Good Stuff, or The Fairground Office in Boonville, or at the Yorkville Market... Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 5th for which, for now, you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071 or Eva Holcomb at 895-3307...
Finally this week, here is a list (probably not complete and for that I apologize) of those Valley folk who have gone but who are most certainly not forgotten. The following Valley people have passed away in the last fifteen months or so but they are fondly remembered by many of us who remain...
Guido Pronsolino. Bob Mathias. Dustin Dilley. Dick Sands. JoAnne Wyant, Elwin Maxey, Bea Coffman, Andy Abbott, Tom Smith, Patricia ‘Pat’ Erickson, Warren ‘Skip’ Harris, Ava Glover, Laurie Howes, Charmian Blattner, Peter C. Boudoures, Carroll Pratt, Free Lovelight Starseed Dreamchaser ‘Derek’ Hanes, David Broadbent, Thomas Berger...
Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… May your dreams come true for 2011... Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 240 - December 22nd, 2010

2010-12-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... So here we are once again – the holiday season and the end of yet another year just around the corner. What happened to 2010? It was just beginning and now it’s about to end. It would appear that, just like many others, I was just too busy living it to really enjoy it. That’s too bad and a lesson to be learned...
First up it’s Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai or whatever, and all of the razzamatazz, hype, and pressure that this event smothers so many with. Every year it seems to get more frantic. However, up here at The Nest we plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest, ultimately this is only really for a couple of groups of people. As a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco as the only straight fellow on a construction crew of five, I feel that I can state with a degree of authority that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men (they have the best Xmas parties) and children (for all the obvious reasons). Not that there is anything wrong with this of course... Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good...
Searching for a last minute Christmas gift idea? Look no further... Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 15th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 5th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071 or Eva Holcomb at 895-3307... Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; trust me on this, you can thank me later...
And for an appropriate Quote of the Week, let me refer you to this observation by one of the greatest of all Americans - Benjamin Franklin, who said, “How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, his precepts! Oh! ‘Tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.” Yes, Ben, it would appear that it certainly is, but, as you uttered those words back in the 1700’s, it would seem things were the same back then as they are today. That’s surprising. After all, in matters of piety and social behavior, I always assume things were so much more ‘civilized’ back then. I don’t feel so bad knowing that maybe they weren’t...
Public Service Announcements… #21: Useful numbers at this time of year - for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know… #22 – The Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant will take place tomorrow, Dec 23rd at 7pm. Yes, it is near to Christmas, but if you’re going to be hunkered down at home with loved ones for two or three days then perhaps a night out in the Valley, sipping beer and wine, enjoying a tasty meal, and exercising the mind, would be ideal preparation... #23 – An early ‘heads-up’ for the 5th Annual A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange over the weekend of January 28th-30th. The program is as eclectic as ever and will include films in tribute to the late Tony Curtis (‘Some like it Hot’) and Dennis Hopper (‘Easy Rider’), some excellent documentaries, romance-with-a-twist movies, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class. More details can be found on the website which will be updated soon, I am reliable informed, and when that happens I shall give you the address...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... Dog lovers at The 3-Dot were both excited and yet concerned at the news that the female Border collie sheepdog of Sam Prather, the Valley’s #1 Shepherd, has most unexpectedly given birth to a litter of pups. These will be excellent dogs for the right owners – someone who can at best work them on sheep or at the very least spend lots of time exercising them, and not leave them at home all day long where there is a good chance, given that this wonderfully intelligent breed is very intense and highly strung, that they might literally go ‘nuts’. Hopefully good homes will be found for these pups so if anyone who qualifies is interested they should please contact Sam at 895-3049...
... Some regulars were still a little hung-over even as late as Friday evening following the celebrations the night before at The Boonville Saloon for Amy Bloyd’s birthday bash. I was there for a short time and clearly those in attendance were having a rip-roaring time. Amy was too, I could tell, although she may not remember that she did!
... Not for the first time around here, and not for the last I’m sure, the conversation at The 3-Dot turned to the ‘luminaries’ who live here in the Valley. After skipping quite quickly through names of current residents such as the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Alice Walker (‘The Color Purple’), accomplished actor Rene Auberjonois, and Nobel Laureate Cary Mullis, inevitably the less celebrated but perhaps equally famous or rather infamous names of those who at one point lived here were discussed in greater depth. Many readers not from this area may not be aware of this but I am reliably informed that the list includes convicted killer Charles Manson (of the Manson Family), formerly of Gschwend Road in the Christine Woods region; Jim Jones of People’s Temple fame and a member of the A.V.H.S. faculty in the late sixties; convicted sex offender and kidnapper Kenneth Parnell, resident of Mountain View Road in the early seventies; serial killer Charles Lake, commune-dweller in Philo in the early eighties (just before embarking on his diabolical murder spree with Charles Ng in Calaveras County); and ‘Tree Frog’ Johnson, formerly of Boonville in the seventies, another infamous child abductor/abuser... I mention this because it is a topic that is quite often discussed around here; I do not wish to make light of it. Obviously these days the Valley is an exceptionally friendly, harmonious, and community-minded place to live. However, these former ‘Valley People’, the perpetrators of some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, all once lived here and that fact is a small but unique part of the Valley’s history, albeit in a way that some choose to ignore and I’m sure this information does not appear in the Chamber of Commerce’s literature... ‘Tours of Evil People’s Homes’ anyone?...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Happy Holidays!!!... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 239 - December15th, 2010

2010-12-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... How about a few birthday greetings, no doubt belated in some cases, for those celebrating a December birthday? Here we go, ‘Many Happy Returns’ to Wilma Brink, Cleo Hixon, Bill Holcomb, Barbara ‘Bobbie’ Peterson, Pete Benville, Harold Hulbert, and Rick Rajeski... As my old friend Bill Shakespeare once wrote, referring to the female lead in a little play he wrote, entitled ‘Anthony and Cleopatra’, “Age cannot whither her nor custom stale her infinite variety.” So that’s your Quote of the Week and hopefully those words can be applied to each of our Birthday boys and girls, but I’ll let their friends, families, and acquaintances decide on that...
Public Service Announcements… #33 - Another heads-up for the upcoming Crab Feeds that will take place in the New Year and for which tickets, that make excellent Xmas gifts, are now available. The first feed will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 15th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 5th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071 or Eva Holcomb at 895-3307... #34 – It’s the Grange Groove with D.J. Pete this Friday evening, Dec 17th from 7.30pm onwards at, where else, The Grange... #35 – The Christmas Carols Sing-a-Long at Lauren’s is this Saturday, Dec 18th at 8.30pm – it’s a beautiful thing... #36 – The Senior Center will be closed from Dec 20th to January 2nd inclusive, although there is a casino trip on Dec 27th – call 972-2723 for details...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... Several regulars enjoyed the appearance of ‘local boy done good’ Mo Mandel on A.B.C. television’s ‘Modern Family’ last week. Branching out from his stand-up comedian vocation, Mo produced a fine two minutes of comedic acting playing opposite Ed O’Neil (of ‘Married with Children’ fame). I only hope that friends of Mo’s parents’ (Danny Mandelbaum and Benna Kolinsky), several of whom I believe may not have televisions, did not miss out on seeing the young man’s latest successful step up the entertainment world’s very steep ladder...
... Word spread like wildfire around The Three-Dot this past week that Patty Liddy was on the winning team at last week’s General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant. Along with teammates Alan ‘The Butcher’ Thomas, Matthew ‘Yves St. Laurent’ McMullen (all the way from Healdsburg), Beverly Bennett (Philo Pottery Inn), Peter ‘Pool Man’ Field, and Nikola Milojevich (from Serbia via the East Bay), she claimed the first place prize and then had to fend off accusations that she had inside information as a result of her ‘excessive canoodling’ with the Quiz Master. She sincerely defends herself, saying, “So I ‘canoodle’ with the bastard, yet despite my efforts he has never told me a single answer and if that doesn’t change soon then I will be withdrawing his privileges I can assure you”...
... A few people turned up at The 3-Dot following the Community Pot Luck at The Grange on Sunday evening. It was a fine affair by all accounts but they were gasping for a beer and/or glass of wine as the gathering was ‘a non-alcohol event’. That sounds sort of scary to me...
... Speaking of which, the I.C.W.’s (Independent Career Women) Christmas party, to which I was invited, was cancelled this past Sunday. They had hoped to get about forty attendees, a number that is traditionally easily reached for such an occasion, but ended up a few short for various reasons, one of which was the clash with the Community Pot Luck. Many people were disappointed, particularly those who like to sip a little wine with their meal, a very civilized thing to do I should add, and one can only hope that this will not happen again... Meanwhile I shall forlornly await my invitation to the group’s first meeting of the New Year...
... It was a busy Sunday afternoon at the County Dump but new Dump Guy, Will Housley, kept everything in order and managed to have a pleasant chat with everyone, complain about his defeated Oakland Raiders, and still make sure nobody was trying to drop off any dead animals...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

# 238 - December 8th, 2010

2010-12-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well done to The Boonville Hotel! Owner Johnny Schmitt, staff, and friends have added a great deal to the Christmas spirit here in the Valley with the addition of Christmas lights to the tree in the hotel parking lot in the heart of Boonville. It’s been a long time coming... A few years ago I was talking with Wayne Hiatt and he told me that there had never been a community Xmas tree in his entire lifetime (57 years and counting) and possibly not before that either. It seemed that every year or so for the past five or six he and I talked about getting something done at The Fairgrounds parking lot but just never got around to it. Anyway, now the Hotel has come through and what a wonderful job they have done. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, completely out of context, “Never has so much been owed, by so many, to so few”... And that’s your Quote of the Week...
I am indebted to reader Ed Smith of Brooklyn, New York for his recent kind letter about an article in British Columbia Magazine on both the migration of my Turkey Vulture brethren from British Colombia to Central and South America and also our “mighty peculiar habits”. As I have no intention of heading south and fully intend to stick around these parts, perhaps readers trying to understand us a little better might like to check out those ‘habits’ at www.bcmag.ca where they can click on ‘Stories’ and go to ‘turkey vulture behaviors’ on page 2 for further fascinating details. However, I must protest the claim there that we Turkey Vultures ‘rely on clumsy dance moves to attract mates.’ I think if you ask Hummingbird why she fell for me, it was due to my Astaire-like moves on the head of a recently deceased sheep, not to mention her attraction to the features of my own head—the color of exposed flesh—that is featherless and tapered, perfect for plunging repeatedly into the cavities of carrion. Apart from that one error, the short article provides fascinating reading, I can assure you...
Moving on... Public Service Announcements… #73 – The Vets are in town tomorrow, Dec 9th for their final visit of 2010. They will be at the A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and, as I always suggest, how about making a purchase while you’re there and thus give little support to the store that makes sure this wonderful service is provided in the Valley every month?... #74 – It’s that time again – the Dinner and Bingo Night at the Veterans Hall to benefit the Senior Center is at 6pm on Tuesday, Dec 14th. Chef Natalie will be serving her famous Chicken and Dumplings, beer and wine is available, and as always the Bingo prizes will be unbelievable! See you there... #75 – The I.C.W.’s (Independent Career Women) Christmas Party is this coming Sunday, Dec 12th at Lauren’s. It is invitation only and, guess what, – I am invited! Yer gotta like that...
Moving quickly on to some ‘Facts and Fiction’ that were under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge...
... Fiction – Jim Jones, yes that Jim Jones, is not going to miraculously appear at the A.V. Film Festival at the end of January when the documentary, ‘Jonestown” is shown here in the Valley. However, if anyone who was in any of his classes at the high school when he taught there would like to say a few words at that time please get in touch with me and I’ll pass you name on to the Festival Committee...
... Fact – the A.V. Animal Rescue is in need of a small area in which to set up their kennels somewhere in the Valley. Things have not been the same since losing that ideal spot behind the Drive-In in the heart of Boonville and a place of similar dimensions and location somewhat close to the hub of things would be ideal. It would be terrible to lose such an important asset to our community – and that is a FACT!
... Fiction - The Rhys Winery that has sprouted up out of virtually nowhere just south of Navarro in the last year or so, taking out most of the surrounding beautiful hillsides in the process, is not owned by a young couple whose families have always lived in this area and who love to garden and sip wine...
... Fact – the Jim Ball Winery on Hwy 128 just outside Philo is not closing. Jim tells me that the winter hours are now in effect but that’s it. “I suppose it is better than some of the false rumors that have been spread about me,” said Jim wistfully...
... Fact – the two upcoming Crab Feeds in the Valley will both sell out. The first one is on January 15th to benefit the Senior Center and then three weeks later Gloria Ross will be putting on the Original Crab Feed at the same venue – the Apple Hall in Boonville – on the evening of Saturday, Feb 5th – Get your tickets early to avoid disappointment at missing tow of the best Valley events of the year...
... Fiction – it is untrue that I have eaten more than my fair share at both of these events in the past. Trust me on this...
... Fact – The Buckhorn in Boonville will open in January...
... Fact – the winning team at last week’s General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz, which is held every Thursday evening as Lauren’s Restaurant, was ‘The Bar Team’, featuring luminaries such as Seisha, Julie H, Nora, Cora, and Lauren herself! Congratulations girls/women/ladies – I knew you could do it!
... Fiction – the former A.V. Brewery owner, Ken Allen, is not planning to set up and then run for the office of Mayor of the Valley. This is a very sensible move on the ‘King’s’ behalf wouldn’t you say?...
Oh, dear, I think I’ll get my coat and leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 237 - December 1st, 2010

2010-12-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... So how was your Turkey Day? Excessive and ‘over-the-top’, I hope. Here at The Nest it was a beautifully messy affair and that’s the way we like it...
And for your Quote of the Week, and to perhaps explain my philosophy regarding the Thanksgiving Day festivities, and I assume I’m in the majority on this, may I offer these words from the wonderful novelist and short story writer, W. Somerset Maugham (‘Of Human Bondage’ (1915)), who wisely observed, “Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.” – good stuff, William... Of course I could have given you the classic comment on this topic by William Blake. In fact, as this is the mantra for any self-respecting Turkey Vulture, I think I will anyway. It was Blake, a fine poet, who said, “The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” Who can argue with that?
Moving on... It’s time for the Public Service Announcements… #325 – The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are in the Valley tomorrow, Dec 2nd at the A.V. Farm Supply north of Philo on Hwy 128. They will be back once more this month, next week on the 9th and if you do take your pet in, while you’re there perhaps show a little support for our local farm supply business that provides this very helpful service... #326 – The Holiday Bazaar sponsored by the Unity Club, is this Saturday, Dec 4th, from 10am-4pm at the Apple Hall in Boonville. It will feature an array of holiday food and gifts, pictures with Santa, a snack bar, and a raffle... #327 – the A.V. Animal Rescue will be setting up their adoption program for dogs and cats very aptly outside Laughing Dog Books in downtown Boonville. It may take a few weeks to get the program set up at its full potential but please don’t let this deter you from stopping by and giving your support. They plan to be there every Sunday from 11am-4pm. If you have any inquiries please call Jim at 684-9659 or check out their website at www.avanimalrescue.org ... And you can always step inside the excellent bookstore and make a Christmas Gift purchase too.
Now to a couple of observations made this past week by regulars at The Three-Dot Lounge, my favorite gathering place in the Valley...
... The Buckhorn Pub and Restaurant – which will be ‘a fine grub pub’ I am reliably informed – will be opening sometime in the next month or so. It really will... Why didn’t KZYX & Z local radio mention the power outage in the Valley north of Philo last Saturday from mid-afternoon on Saturday to the early hours of Sunday morning? They may have got to it at some point later in the evening but not when the news was most needed. Just wondering... And now to a few of my Thanksgiving Awards...Warmest welcome of the Week for a Turkey Vulture? The Boonville Saloon courtesy of Shelley and Marcia behind the bar on Saturday evening... Runner-up? The baptism event on the same evening at the Apple Hall, courtesy of several of my Mexican friends who insisted I ate some dinner and had a ‘little drink of something”... Most perfect place to give thanks over this past weekend? Hendy Woods – a beautiful and humbling experience, and a place for which you cannot be thankful enough... Best non-turkey meal of the Thanksgiving Holiday? – The classic cheeseburger and fries at Lauren’s...
With all this eating and drinking going on, it would be almost rude not to offer you a Wine of the Week... That goes to the truly delicious Esterlina Syrah which, when paired with some chocolate cake for dessert, a few hours after the turkey had been devoured, was heavenly and, dare I say, a quite orgasmic culinary experience. I suggest you get yourself a bottle with your next chocolate dish – trust me on this, you can thank me later...
And unfortunately, as is the tradition, we must also have the Whine of the Week... This is an old one of mine which surfaced again this weekend when the local radio station KZYX & Z’s Trading Times program featured two calls for lost dogs and apparently neither had tags and in one case the collar was also missing. Then later in the day, Hummingbird found a lost Aussie cattle dog on Rancho Navarro without a collar. What is the problem? Why wouldn’t you have a collar and tag for your pet? Our four-legged friends are not a commodity that can be simply replaced. We are their guardians and they will love us unconditionally until their last beat of their heart so surely taking a precaution as basic as a collar and tag is not a lot to expect... The worry over a pet being lost out in the woods somewhere, or anywhere else for that matter, is a very unpleasant feeling indeed. If they are fortunate to be found it would be very helpful for the finder to have a number to call, wouldn’t you say? Come on dog owners, help others to help you, and get your dogs a collar and tag. It’s even easier if you go on-line to www.tagxpress.com and they will have your new tag back to you in less than a week for under $9 and free shipping. I humbly suggest you do yourself and your pet a big, big favor; it may result in a lot of anguish and sadness being avoided...
So, lots of dog/pet references this week – not that there is anything whatsoever wrong with that in my book. They are our best friends after all... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith and ‘woof, woof!’
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 236 - November 24th, 2010

2010-11-25T08:51:00.000-08:00

Greetings - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And a Happy Thanksgiving to one and all for tomorrow! What a great day – “well done!” to whoever thought of it... This Mother-of-All national holidays, and by far my personal favorite, is all about celebrating with friends and family. Throw in food, drink, and football and it can’t get much better than that!
Anyway, as you digest that unnecessary yet unavoidable second helping of food, and before your nap, perhaps you will be inclined to summon up the energy to take part in my Thanksgiving Day Quiz... Answers at the end of the column...
1. How many people were aboard the Mayflower when it set sail from England in 1620? a) 35 b) 88 c) 102 d) 148
2. One year after the pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died. So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the ration of men to women at that historical event? a) Even b) 2:1 c) 5:1 d) 9:1
3. What color was ‘taboo’ to the new settlers and was never worn?
a) Red b) Purple c) Blue d) Black
4. What was the last name of the Mayflower’s Captain?
a) Smith b) Brown c) Jones d) Bligh
5. Which two teams in the N.F.L. traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving – one since 1934, the other since the 70’s?
6. How many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?
a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d) 90
7. What is America’s favorite dessert on Thanksgiving?
a) Pumpkin Pie b) Pecan Pie
c) Sweet Potato Pie d) Crème Brule
8. At the first Thanksgiving which of the following was approved table manners? a) To eat with your hands b) To spit on the floor
c) To throw bones into the fire when done d) All of these
9. Who pushed for the Turkey to be the nation’s national symbol?
a) Benjamin Franklin b) Abraham Lincoln
c) F.D.R. d) George W. Bush
10. Fish, fowl, peas, pumpkins, veal, beef, turkey...Which of these items was not on the very 1st Thanksgiving Day menu?
11. True or False? - Indians attended the first Thanksgiving feast.
12. True or False? - Thanksgiving is always the last Thursday of November.
13. True or False? Male Turkeys are the ones who make the gobbling sound.
14. True or False? The Pilgrims bought beer with them on the voyage to the New World.
15. True or False? At the early Thanksgivings, Turkey Vultures were also on the menu.
Let’s stay with the “Thanksgiving” theme for the Quote of the Week... I have a few words from Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all the family is gathered together on the big day – “Families are all about love overcoming emotional torture”… O.K., let’s have a positive thought to finish with – and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – I rest my case!...
Public Service Announcements… #442 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are here on two Thursdays next month - Dec 2nd and 9th, at the Farm Supply north of Philo on Hwy 128 from 2pm to 3.30pm on each occasion... #443: This year the Winter Farmer’s Market plus the Arts and Crafts Mart is moving from The Grange to the Porch at Lauren’s Restaurant where Lauren will have coffee and pastries for sale too. It will be on Saturdays from 10.30am to 1pm every week (except Xmas Day and the New Year’s Day)... #444 – The Annual Holiday Bazaar organized by The A.V. Unity Club to benefit Student Scholarships and the A.V. Library is on Sat Dec 4th, 10am-4pm at The Apple Hall and will feature Xmas Gifts, homemade baked goods, and an auction... #445 - There are still plenty of fresh organic eggs available from the A.V.H.S. Ag Department – contact the school or e-mail Beth Swehla at bswehla@mcn.org. They are delicious – trust me on this, you can thank me later... And a few early notices for your new 2011 calendar... #446 - The 5th Annual Anderson Valley Film Celebration is set for The Grange on the weekend of January 28th – 30th... And of course the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the new year...#447 - The A.V. Senior Center Crab Feed will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 15th, 2011... #448 – And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, Feb 5th, 2010, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville... I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the Jan 15th big night out or Gloria Ross at 895-3017 for the Feb 5th extravaganza.
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...
Answers to the Quiz...
1. Answer c). 102 – 74 males, 28 females. (2 dogs, no Turkey Vultures).
2. Answer d). With only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 – there were just five women remaining! I couldn’t possibly comment further...
3. Answer b). Purple. It was associated with wealth and the upper classes in the Old World at that time.
4. Answer c). Jones. His name was Christopher Jones
5. The Detroit Lions (since 1934) and the Dallas Cowboys play at home on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving.
6. Answer b). A Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had little luck when trying to creep up and capture one for dinner. I suggest you just buy one from Lemons’ Market!
7. Answer a). Pumpkin Pie, although Freshly Squished Squirrel Pie covered in a creamy entrails sauce is the pie of choice here at The Nest.
8. Answer d). All were acceptable – similar to Thanksgiving at The Nest where guests are encouraged to partake in each of these.
9. Answer a). Benjamin Franklin – a great man and obviously a true visionary.
10. Beef. Not even bulls’ testicles or cow eyes. Too bad...
11. True. The Indians easily outnumbered the Pilgrims, more than half of who had died over that first year.
12. False. It’s always the 4th Thursday of November, even when November has five Thursdays.
13. True. Females do not.
14. True. Yer gotta like that.
15. False. That would be unacceptable, although possibly quite tasty.

# 235 - November 17th, 2010

2010-11-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... For various reasons, this is a shorter column than usual. Hopefully you will not be too upset (?)...
I am sure it was with great sadness that many Valley folks heard of the passing of Carroll Pratt this past week. His demise (a word he often used in the past couple of years when talking of his future) came at the age of eighty-nine. He was a real Gentleman in every sense, with a wonderful mind and a caring soul, and he had achieved so much in his long and varied life. His passing is a loss to our community. (For those wishing to know more about Carroll’s fascinating life, Steve Sparks’ interview with Carroll can be found at www.avalleylife.wordpress.com (In the list of interviews it is under ‘C’)
Public Service Announcements… #34 – This coming weekend, Nov 20th and 21st, sees the last Barn Sale until March 2011 at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. It runs from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday and you may well find a gift or two for Xmas or at least enjoy an Efrenburger or Mendozadog from the grill courtesy of grill master Efron Mendosa... #35 - It’s the monthly I.C.W. meeting this evening (Nov 17th) and once again it appears that my invite has been ‘lost in the mail.’ Oh, well I hope everyone has a great time... #36 – The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital in Ukiah are here once again tomorrow (Nov.18th) when they will take care of your pet’s needs from 2pm to 3.30pm at The Farm Supply on Hwy 128, north of Philo. Oh, and while you’re there, how about buying a little something to support our local Farm Supply and thank them for providing this wonderful service?!... #37 – The Buckhorn will open soon. The inefficiency of the county’s bureaucracy certainly appears to have reached new highs in this case and what should have been opened a month or more ago remains closed as December approaches. However, early/mid December is the target at this time according to owner Tom Towey and so finally a very welcome addition to the Valley scene, in the form of a fine grub pub that will also provide jobs for many, will be allowed to open its doors...
Which brings us coincidentally to our Quote(s) of the Week... Here’s a good one from the now passed American drama critic and N.Y. Times editor, Brooks Atkinson, who said, “Bureaucracies are designed to perform public business. But as soon as bureaucracy is established, it develops an autonomous spiritual life and comes to regard the public as its enemy.” – He must have lived in Mendo at some point surely?!... And here’s another while I’m having a rant and in desperate need of some buffalo wings and a few draft beers, “Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.” That comes from Honore De Balzac, the French playwright and novelist, and also a former resident of this county one has to assume...
Many regulars have informed me of the splendid efforts made by several volunteers and many students, armed with buckets, wheelbarrows, spades, rakes, and a whole lot of dirt, as they tried to get the terrible field at The Fairgrounds into somewhat decent shape for last week’s high school soccer play-off semi-final. It was very encouraging to see the soccer, football, and basketball teams represented, as well as Tony Pardini’s Panther Cubs football squad there on force, all under the direction of Palmer Toohey. At some point decisions have to be made about whether this venue is to be one for high school sports or a rodeo/horse events as it does not seem viable to be both. At this point, however, at least having the various sports working together is certainly a very good starting point for any ensuing discussions on this matter...
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 234 - November 10th, 2010

2010-11-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I attended what I assume was the final tri-tip bbq fundraiser of the year as a crowd of perhaps fifty or so gathered at the new Golden Eye Winery facility just north of Philo on Sunday afternoon to raise money for our volunteer firefighters. It must be said that the Lions Club cooks - Olie Erickson, Rob Guliani, and Judy Long, along with their very able assistants, and a ‘new’ less salty rub, produced the best grill of the year and they even promised to mix it up a little in 2011 when ribs and perhaps chicken will be added to their repertoire at Lions Club events. The tri-tip was perfect, as were the grilled veggies, ‘meaty’ Portobella mushrooms, and zesty salad. Enjoyed with a delicious Golden Eye Pinot Noir it was an orgasmic culinary experience - which is not bad on a Sunday afternoon with rain clouds on the horizon – what more can I say?... Some of those in attendance had come from the Veterans Day of Remembrance event held at the Evergreen Cemetery earlier, via Lauren’s Restaurant where Lauren had opened to specifically provide, on the house, some refreshments in the hour or so between the two functions. This earlier ceremony had a similar sized crowd and many expressed their gratitude that such an occasion had been organized. With the flag raised by nonagenarian Ross Murray, a six-gun salute by members of the American Legion, various poignant readings by Patty Liddy and Joe Petelle, a recital by Ellen Ingram of the names inscribed on the Wall of Remembrance of those local folks who had served their country and who were now passed, hymns that were sung accompanied by Lynn Archambault on her accordion, and ‘Taps’ played by Joe Petelle on his trombone, it was a worthy, moving, and uniquely Anderson Valley tribute to the fallen.
Let’s have a few Public Service Announcements… #66 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are coming to the Farm Supply in the Valley on two more occasions this month. They will be here tomorrow, Thursday Nov11th, when Dr. Bennett will be in town. They will also be here next Thursday Nov 18th when Dr. Burns returns... #67 – School is out for Veterans Day tomorrow and also on Friday, Nov 12th... #68 – The Lions Club will NOT meet this month but The Grange committee will - on Tuesday, 16th at The Grange starting at 7pm... #69 - Sue Davies of the A.V. Lyme Resource Advocates informs me that on Saturday, November 13th, from 2-4 p.m at the Laughing Dog bookstore in Boonville, Dr Neil Nathan, local lyme literate doctor, will be doing a meet and greet. He will be signing his new book, "Hope and Healing: For Those Who Have Fallen Through the Medical Cracks"... #70 – The Valley’s 2nd oldest Resident, Harold Perry, turned 94 on Monday (Nov 8th) and if that isn’t worthy of a Public Service Announcement I don’t know what is!
Tomorrow (November 11th) is Veterans Day (Remembrance Day in Europe and Canada), rightfully regarded as a very important day for observance and commemoration. This occasion marks the anniversary of the end of hostilities in World War One or The Great War’ (the so-called “War to end all Wars” - if only it had been), which took place at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. It is not a day to celebrate victories but rather one to take a moment for remembrance of those who fought, and in many cases gave their lives, in that war and the many since, so that ours may be better today and in the future.
With this in mind, I am going to forego our ‘Quote of the Week’ and instead present a poem. These very moving words are by World War One poet, Wilfred Owen, probably the finest war poet of all, and the poem is entitled “Disabled” (1917). It expresses the tormented thoughts and recollections of a teenaged soldier in the Great War who has lost his limbs in battle and is now confined, utterly helpless, to a wheelchair. The subject contrasts the living death he is now facing with the youthful pleasures he had enjoyed "before he threw away his knees"; he goes on to recall the impetuous and frivolous circumstances in which he had joined up to fight in the war. He also notes how the crowds that greeted his return were smaller and less enthusiastic than those who cheered his departure, and how women no longer look at him but instead at "the strong men who were whole". In the opinion of many, it is one of the finest anti-war poems ever written.

“He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,
And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,
Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park
Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,
Voices of play and pleasure after day,
Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.
About this time Town used to swing so gay
When glow-lamps budded in the light blue trees,
And girl glanced lovelier as the air grew dim---
In the old times, before he threw away his knees.
Now he will never feel again how slim
Girl's waists are, or how warm their subtle hands.
All of them touch him like some queer disease.

One time he liked a blood-smear down his leg,
After the matches, carried shoulder-high.
It was after football, when he'd drunk a peg,
He thought he'd better join.---He wonders why.
Someone had said he'd look a god in kilts,
That's why; and maybe, too, to please his Meg,
Aye, that was it, to please the giddy jilts
He asked to join. He didn't have to beg;
Smiling they wrote his lie: aged nineteen years.
Germans he scarcely thought of; all their guilt,
And Austria's, did not move him. And no fears
Of Fear came yet. He thought of jewelled hilts
For daggers in plaid socks; of smart salutes;
And care of arms; and leave; and pay arrears;
Esprit de corps; and hints for young recruits.
And soon, he was drafted out with drums and cheers.

Some cheered him home, but not as crowds cheer Goal.
Only a solemn man who brought him fruits
Thanked him; and then enquired about his soul.
Now, he will spend a few sick years in institutes,
And do what things the rules consider wise,
And take whatever pity they may dole.
Tonight he noticed how the women's eyes
Passed from him to the strong men that were whole.
How cold and late it is! Why don't they come
And put him into bed? Why don't they come?”

p.s. Wilfred Owen was killed in action at the age of twenty-five, on Nov 4th, 1918, a week before the war ended. Ironically, the telegram from the War Office announcing his death was delivered to his mother's home as her town's church bells were ringing in celebration of the Armistice when the war ended.
Be careful out there...May your god go with you… Let us pray… Very humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net