#68 - March 10th, 2007

Good day to you, dear readers, and I hope all is well in your world…Once again I must apologize for the delay in getting my latest “effort” to you. I suppose I should be realistic and acknowledge that at this point in time, with my various other Vulturesque activities taking up so much of my time, I will be contributing to Anderson Valley.net once every couple of weeks and not every week as I had hoped – for now anyway. Furthermore I shall soon (April 1st) be taking a trip for a month and it’s unlikely that I shall be able to complete any columns during that time – how will you manage?...Ha, ha, ha!!!...

But enough of this, let’s get on with it…And what better place to start than with a little “Jive Turkey”…Well, I may have informed you in the past, but is well worth repeating, that if one of my Turkey Vulture brethren is spotted with wings outstretched wide, sitting still in a tree, on a pole, etc, then he or she may be informing friends and family that in the immediate vicinity there is some 'good eatin' to be had. However, if this occurs in the early morning sunlight it is more likely to be a spot of sunbathing to increase the body temperature after a cool night. Conversely, to cool themselves off during the hot summer months, we may have to resort to defecating on our feet …. “What did he say?”…What did he say?” - I humbly suggest that you reserve judgment until you've tried it for yourselves…

Moving on… One of the more pleasant events of the year in the Valley is The St. Patrick’s Day Dinner that will take place at The Senior Center on Saturday, March 17th. The proceeds from this splendid affair, with its heaps of corned beef and cabbage and a full bar will go to The Center and to those who put the evening on may I just say, “thanks for all your efforts, I’ll see you when the doors open at 5pm for the social hour, and please ask me to leave before I turn into a gibberish-talking leprechaun!”…On that note…
Whine of the Week…In the past I have expressed curmudgeonly opinions about the actions of some people on New Year’s Eve but I have to say it is not the worst night for such behavior…It’s only my opinion of course, but in all my years of bar/restaurant experience that ‘award’ clearly goes to St. Patrick’s Day. This is not only an occasion for the poorest “amateur” drinkers to show their true colors but, unlike New Year’s Eve, for many it consists of a long day of heavy drinking well before the nighttime drinking and inevitable sloppy behavior gets underway. I am no fan of this ‘celebration’ and on many a St. Pat’s I have been heard to splutter “Kiss my ass, I’m Irish” rather than the more acceptable version…I should point out that in Ireland itself, until the Americanization of that fair isle over the past decade or so, St. Paddy’s has always passed with hardly a celebration at all…Now, with that in mind, how come so many people try to get as “brainless” on alcohol as they possibly can?...I’ve never worked it out and I think I should be told - certainly before Saturday the 17th…

Wine of the Week…I’m not a big fan of the sweeter wines. Whether they are semi-sweet, off-dry, or outright sweet, I rarely enjoy them and prefer the reds. However, on a hot day with the right food pairing, I must admit that they can be damn good…This past week saw one of those days come to pass…I believe it was on Monday lunchtime when the temperature hit the mid-70’s and I found myself sitting on the deck here at The Nest in front of a chilled Edelzwicker from the Navarro Winery in Philo. This was accompanied by a few small toasted slices of sourdough bread, coated in olive oil, Gorgonzola cheese butter, and topped with fresh garlic. As I sipped and nibbled, “Wow!” was all I could mumble and that summed up the sensation perfectly… I strongly advise you to follow suit as soon as possible…

Signs that Armageddon is upon us - #47…Local newspaper proprietor, editor-bar-none, and all-round Mighty Leader of The Anderson Valley Advertiser, David Severn, spent last Thursday lunchtime stopping traffic on Highway 128 and protesting the alleged drug (wine?) dealing activities of Zina – Hyde Cunningham Winery owner, Steve Ledson. A certain David Severn on the front page of the A.V.A., reported on his activities. Thus we were treated a situation, annoying to many that I have spoken to this past few days, of a news reporter making the news. That might not be so bad if the newspaper contained more than a hint of actual news somewhere else amongst its “journalism-light” eight pages of gossip, dull reports, and “news” stories that are frequently irrelevant to life in Anderson Valley. Despite all this I believe that Supreme Commander Severn is a decent if misguided man and in defense of the A.V.A., I do continue to enjoy the two pages relevant to local life – those containing the “Valley People” and “Sheriff’s Log”…Too bad they no longer contain that column by the only “reporter” who covered the local scene “from a bird’s eye view”...but perhaps that’s only my opinion (!?)…

The Variety Show takes place this coming weekend (Friday/Saturday, March 10th/11th) and for many it is a “must-see”. Not me, however…For a curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture like myself, although it provides an opportunity to mingle with many friends, it can mean putting up with some acts which I wouldn’t normally fly to the end of my driveway to watch. Hey, each to his/her own, and before you get your knickers in a twist, all I’m saying is that it’s not my “cup of tea”. Meanwhile, for those of a similar disposition to myself, and with no reason to support any particular act or performance, then do not worry about getting a seat near the front. Stand at the back, enjoy the better acts, and be ready to head for the exit for a beer or two outside during the “other stuff”. Plus, the tailgate party in the parking lot is often far more entertaining…Trust me on this, you’ll thank me later…

The Word of the Week on this occasion is the splendid and, in my opinion, very onomatopoeic, "groodles", which is another word for "leftover food"…I actually used the word just yesterday when a couple of guests up at The Nest failed to eat all the meat off the baby back pork rib bones which I had generously bbq'd for them. I politely inquired, "If you're done eating, I’d love to nibble on your groodles" -what could they say? Enjoy the word - it has great potential…

Well unless something amazing happens in the next few seconds that will be all for this week other than to leave you with a reminder of another "Universal Truth" which I experienced at a gathering in town last weekend - "One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your beer-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger"… Yes, be careful out there…

“Enough already!”…But before I go, I do have just one request – and I think many of you know what it is – “Let us prey”…
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…..
P.S. Feel free to contact me anytime about anything at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net… but remember, I know where you live...