# 403 - April 23rd, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… There are many events in the Valley in the next week or so as summer approaches. With that in mind let’s begin with…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #345 - The first in this year’s series of Guest Chef Dinners, that will take place every two months to benefit the Senior Center, is coming up in less than two weeks - Friday, April 25 to be precise. Happy Hour is at 5.30pm, followed at 6.30pm by a feast presented by the Elder Home Board that will feature Leg of Lamb and other Greek/ Mediterranean fixings that include Tsatsiki and hummus appetizers and Baklava for dessert. Tickets will certainly sell out so call Gina at 895-3609 to reserve yours, or pick them up at Rossi’s Hardware, A.V. Market, or Lemons’ Market in Philo… #346 - The monthly Community Sing-along at Lauren’s Restaurant is at 8.30pm on Saturday April 26… #347 - The annual Wild Flower Show is back again! It will take place this coming weekend, Saturday/Sunday, April 26/27 from 10am-4pm each day. Call Robyn at 895-2609 for more details… #348 - This Sunday, April 27, Anderson Valley Arts (A.V. Arts) will be holding a fundraising event, “Pie in the Sky”, at Lauren’s, from 3 - 6p.m. There will be live and silent auctions that will feature pie-themed artworks donated by local artists and delicious real pies from local bakers. There will be food, drink, and musical entertainment by Patty Liddy. Proceeds will benefit the A.V. Arts’ “Arts in the Schools” grants for supplemental arts education classes and activities, as well as scholarship programs for Valley students in grades 3-12 who are interested in attending visual and performing arts workshops, classes, and other activities. Scholarships are also provided to graduating seniors who will be attending college courses in the arts or art education. Tickets for the event are available at Lauren’s, All That Good Stuff, Rookie-To Gallery and at the door. For more information, call 895-2204 or visit A.V. Arts’ website at www.av-arts.org…. #349 - There will be a Bus Trip organized by the Senior Center on Wednesday, April 30 that will feature a lunch and tour of Black Bird Farms in Philo (the old Highland Ranch). Pick-ups are available from your home or from the Senior Center with arrival at Blackbird Farm at 11:45am. After lunch there will be a tour around the property, looking at the gardens, flowers, strawberry patch, livestock, pond etc. Cost for lunch and bus is $16 and seats are limited. Call Tamara at 489-1175… #350 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be making two Valley visits next month - on Thursdays, May 8 and 22… #351 - On Saturday May 10, Stoney Bottom Gardens in Boonville will be open to the public to benefit the Garden Conservancy. This spectacular private 6-acre garden in the heart of the Anderson Valley features Japanese maples, peonies, rhododendrons, azaleas, conifers, a large container vegetable garden/fruit orchard, dogwoods, and unique and charming garden sculpture, and will welcomes the public between the hours of 10am - 4pm. Entry is a $10 donation. Stoney Bottom is located at 13400 Anderson Valley Way, Boonville.  Further information can be found by calling 895-9424 or on the Garden Conservancy website…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches and dinners over the next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, April 24, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Moroccan Chicken Stew, Sweet Potatoes, Couscous, Faro Salad, and Strawberry-Lemon dessert… Then next Tuesday, April 29, the dinner menu, served at 6pm, will feature Rosemary Pork, Garlic Red Potatoes, Carrots, Faro Salad, with Texas Sheet Cake for dessert... Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Let’s hope that Sheriff Tom Allman’s unopposed third term in office works better than the ball-point pens he handed out at a fundraiser I attended. It was a very good event and clearly he is a very popular Sheriff, but everyone’s gift pen failed miserably. Just a small complaint but…

… A real wisenheimer at the Lounge asked if The A.V. Chamber of Commerce was the Valley’s best-kept secret! Some customers laughed at this harmless and mildly amusing comment, some humorless types leapt to the defense of The Chamber, and some simply nodded knowingly. I didn’t know what group to join, although it appears that some additional events have made it on to the Events page since I last checked...

… We folks at the Three-Dot have certainly got some mileage out of the winery bashing in recent weeks, all of it justified in my humble opinion. However, credit where it is due and two of the Valley’s wineries in particular continue to give generously to various Valley organizations. Both Navarro Vineyards and Greenwood Ridge Winery are always at the forefront when it comes to donations and neither blows its own horn about doing so. So let me do it for them and on behalf of the A.V. Senior Center and the A.V. Historical Society pass on sincere gratitude and appreciation…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “ Hey, you Veggie-manicas, before you next raise your disapproving eyebrows when you see or hear about Turkey Vulture or myself devouring a squashed squirrel or sheep’s stomach take note…Vegetarians may have a lower BMI (body mass index) and drink alcohol sparingly, but vegetarian diets are tied to generally poorer health, poorer quality of life and a higher need for health care than their meat-eating counterparts.

       “A new study from the highly regarded Graz University in Austria finds that vegetarians are more physically active, drink less alcohol and smoke less tobacco than those who consume meat in their diets. Vegetarians also have a higher socioeconomic status and a lower body mass index. But the vegetarian diet — characterized by a low consumption of saturated fats and cholesterol that includes increased intake of fruits, vegetables and whole-grain products — carries elevated risks of cancer, allergies, and mental health disorders. Vegetarians were twice as likely to have allergies, a 50 percent increase in heart attacks and a 50 percent increase in incidences of cancer.

       “Overall, vegetarians were found to be in a poorer state of health compared to other dietary groups. Vegetarians reported higher levels of impairment from disorders, chronic diseases, and ‘suffer significantly more often from anxiety/depression.’

       “Subjects who consumed lower amounts of animal fat were also linked to poor health care practices, such as avoidance of vaccinations and a lack of preventive care. The researchers conclude: ‘Our study has shown that adults who consume a vegetarian diet are less healthy (in terms of cancer, allergies, and mental health disorders), have a lower quality of life, and also require more medical treatment.’

       “I rest my case… Time to go but I hope you all get to enjoy some juicy skunk brain this weekend, or at the very least a gopher burger - it appears that they’re good for you!”…

       Thanks for your input, Buzzard, see you at the possum bbq… Well now I think it’s time to take my leave - I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - pleased in the knowledge that the wise old hare has returned safely to his burrow…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?

p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…

p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

# 402 - April 16th, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Many readers will be aware that I am most certainly not one of those Valley folks who dismiss watching television as a worthless way to spend one’s time. I also find it odd that when announcing the absence of a television in their home, a few of them do so with an air of intellectual superiority, as if making such a decision gives them that. To each their own of course, but having a television or not is a far from reliable gauge of one’s intellect - either way.

       However, regarding the actual content available on television, there is no doubt utter rubbish on most of the channels, much of the time. Nevertheless, with most modern day films requiring little or no quality to their scripts - just as long as the chases are long and the shootouts loud, many of the country’s top writers have turned to television to display their skills, and the discerning viewer can reap the benefits.

       As a result, more than ever before, some of the most intellectually stimulating entertainment is currently on certain television channels (HBO, PBS, and their ilk) if you are prepared to look for it. Yes, folks, it may be time to have a rethink, broaden your horizons, and consider the words on this topic by Carl Sagan, creator and presenter of the wonderfully enlightening television series ‘Cosmos’ (1980 - the most widely watched PBS series in the world) - “Used properly (my underline), television can educate and inspire awe as well as any book, painting, or film” - and that’s your Quote of the Week, so please put it in your pipe and smoke it…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #122 - The A.V. Lions Club presents their first fundraising event of the year this coming weekend with their annual Easter Breakfast and Egg Hunt. This year’s event will benefit the A.V. Teen Center and as always will be at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Breakfast is served from 8-11am and the Egg Hunt begins promptly at noon for kids up to and including 4th-grade. This is all happening on, not surprisingly, Easter Sunday - April 20… #123 - The ‘Open Mic’ at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville takes place on the 3rd Saturday of every month and that means this coming Saturday, April 19 at 9pm (sign-up at 8.30pm). All are welcome - musicians, singers, poets, writers, impressionists, magicians, comedians, actors, fire-eaters, pole dancers, sword swallowers, ventriloquists, raconteurs, exotic dancers, animal callers, etc. No clowns - apparently they would scare any kids who might be there, and no mimes, please - they scare me!… #124 - The first in this year’s series of Guest Chef Dinners, that will take place every two months to benefit the Senior Center, is coming up in less than two weeks - Friday, April 25 to be precise. Happy Hour is at 5.30pm, followed at 6.30pm by a feast presented by the Elder Home Board that will feature Leg of Lamb and other Greek/ Mediterranean fixings that include Tsatsiki and hummus appetizers and Baklava for dessert. Tickets will certainly sell out so call Gina at 895-3609 to reserve yours, or pick them up at Rossi’s Hardware, A.V. Market, or Lemons’ Market in Philo… #125 - The Mendocino Bookmobile is in town next Tuesday, April 22. They are in the Valley on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Navarro Store 9am; (then off to Comptche); back to the Valley at Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Their next visit will be Tuesday, May 6. Phone 463-4694 for further details… #126 - The A.V. Arts Benefit Auction and Reception, ‘Pie in the Sky’, is at Lauren’s Restaurant on Sunday, April 27 from 3pm-6pm. There is food, drink, an art auction, and musical entertainment by Patty Liddy. Call 895-3869 for further details… #127 - The next visit to the Valley by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will not be until Thursday, May 8. They will then return for a second May visit on Thursday, May 22…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, April 17, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Sesame Chicken, Pasta, Asparagus, Asian Slaw, Barley salad, and Cherry Crisp for dessert … Then next Tuesday, April 22, the menu will feature Chicken Pot Pie, Broccoli Salad, Quinoa Salad, Orange Gelatin, with Better Cake for dessert... Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

        Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

       Let’s have a Valley ‘Good, Bad, and Ugly’ this week…

… The Good… This goes to the folks at the Ingram-Hill Ranch on Highway 128 south of Yorkville, at the 44.01 mile-marker. Many of you will know the place - it’s where owner Jim Hill continually changes his ‘artistic displays’ on the property alongside the highway to fit the time of year. Currently he has large brightly colored Easter eggs strewn about the sheep and goat pastures and if that doesn’t bring a smile to your face you must make a curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture seem like a jolly clown…

… The Bad… Not for the first time in this column, I have a warning about the downtown Boonville property owner, David “I’m not greedy” Johnson - the landlord of the ‘Pick and Pay’ market and the two empty retail spaces next door - formerly the Boonville Saloon (Lodge) and Anel’s Restaurant. I see that he is looking for new tenants and, while I am a big advocate of commerce in the Valley, and hope a business(es) will thrive there, I urge prospective small business owners to perform full due diligence when signing any sort of lease with this dubious character. I can only speak from personal experience of course, but based on that, with regards to this particular absentee landlord, the best situation for the Valley would be for Johnson to sell the whole property, stay around his Sonoma home, far away from the Hanging Tree on Anderson Valley Way and the hungry pigs on Ornbaun Road, and darken our door no more…

… The Ugly… Well there are a few candidates for this but perhaps the most disappointing is the Cal Fire ‘Penitentiary’ near to the gravel pits south of Boonville. Yes, the property that looks like a prison - in fact many prisons are not behind such a secure fence and its numerous lines of barbed wire. The person who designed this monstrosity, probably someone sitting at their desk in Sacramento, clearly has no idea about the Valley - neither its scenic geography nor the local people. What kind of folks do they think live around here - serial professional home invaders? It is ugly, but also insulting to have such a fence erected here - ‘to keep the property safe from the rampaging hordes of thieves and vandals’… Now I hear that due to the drought we have to collect our burn permits from behind this fence - Cal Fire having taken over this role from our local CSD at the firehouse in town. Already I have heard of the place being deserted when folks go to get a permit. Perhaps this is just as well - a full body and cavity search is not something you might be expecting if you just wanted to get permission to burn a little brush!…

       I’m outta here - I have to see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - hope you enjoyed the read and, who knows, you might miss me when you’re gone (?)…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well…

p.p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 401 - April 9th, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Is it just me or is anyone else having trouble sleeping without the comforting roar of the wineries’ frost protector fans over this past week?...

      Sleep - now that’s a topic I don’t remember ever turning to for your Quotes of the Week. So let’s do it… First, this from stand-up comedian and writer, Carrie Snow, who advises, “No day is so bad that it cannot be fixed with a nap”… On a slightly more serious note, British novelist Anthony Burgess (1917-1993), author of ‘A Clockwork Orange’ and much more, observed, “Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone”… And surprisingly, we have a similarly clever but not too serious comment from German philologist, philosopher, cultural critic, poet and composer, Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900), who commented, “Sleep is no mean art; for its sake one must stay awake all day”… And let’s leave it with the extremely wise ‘First American’, Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), to sum it up with the simple but so true remark, “Fatigue is the best pillow”…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #239 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be making two visits to the Valley this month. The first of these is tomorrow, Thursdays, April 10 and as always the venue and times are the A.V. Farm Supply from 2-3.30pm. New customers are always welcome and for those who have been before you can call 462-8833 and the vets will bring your pet’s charts. Their next visit is on Thursday, April 24… #240 - The monthly Pancake Breakfast at The Grange is this coming Sunday, April 13, serving from 8.30-11am. This is ‘accompanied’ by an ‘open ‘mic’ featuring various Valley musicians… #241 - On the following weekend, the A.V. Lions Club presents their first fundraising event of the year with their annual Easter Breakfast and Egg Hunt, This year’s event will benefit the A.V. Teen Center and as always will be at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Breakfast is served from 8-11am and the Egg Hunt begins promptly at noon for kids up to and including 4th-grade. This is all happening on, not surprisingly, Easter Sunday - April 20… #242 - I nearly forgot but tonight (April 9) at The Grange, certain folks might like to know that it is the monthly drumming session from 7-9pm… 

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, April 10, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Steak Pizzaiola, Pasta, Green Beans, Faro Salad, and Bread Pudding for dessert … Then next Tuesday, April 15, the menu will feature Smothered Steak, Brown rice, Brussels sprouts, Rolls, Arugula Salad, with a dessert of Strawberry Short Cake... Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Is all the volunteerism that takes place in the Valley really appreciated? In most other places there is apparently nowhere near the same voluntary effort as we have here at the many different events that raise money for various organizations and charities. It would be nice to think that those who benefit are very forthcoming in their gratitude to those who give their time and energy and I have no doubt that the vast majority of folks are…

… Over the past couple of years it seems that I have attended many funeral/memorials in the Valley, and quite a few way beyond, many of which have been very moving and poignant events - but not all. It seems to me that those who officiate at funerals need to know the deceased, or at least have acquired from the family and/or friends some insights to the dead person’s life. The name that the deceased generally went by would certainly be a start! The kind of service that the dead person would have expected/wanted for their family and friends to attend - religious/irreligious, fond memories or roast, etc, would also be good…

… On a very distantly related topic, (“this hangover is killing me”), one that I have researched for many years, I recently shared my most effective cures for a hangover with the regulars at The Three-Dot. Here they are, in no particular order... 

1. Hair of the Dog - yes, I know it is very hard to do, being the least tempting thing on one’s mind, but an alcoholic drink, the most effective of which is a ‘Bloody Mary’ or Mimosa, really does work. If three or four of these can be consumed, followed by an afternoon of silly behavior, and then a night of deep sleep/mild coma, then, by the morning after the morning after, you should be feeling not too bad, albeit a little brain dead…

2. Fried breakfast - again, not always easy to contemplate with a pounding headache, but this definitely works. It should feature two slices of back bacon, two pork sausages, two fried eggs, fried mushrooms, fried tomatoes, with two pieces of buttered toast (thick-cut), and a hot mug of tea. This will basically get you through the rest of your day, although meaningful interaction in any form with loved ones will still be out of the question and an early night is suggested. Many folks in the medical profession claim there is no scientific proof that this works but my research says that it does. Who are you going to believe? As I’ve said before, trust me on this, you can thank me later. (N.B. Further common additions to this magnificent ‘fry-up’, are baked beans and fried Black pudding, i.e. dry pig’s blood sausage)…

3. A cheese and cucumber sandwich - a relatively easy, go-to solution for your hangover ills. A basic, medium-to-sharp cheddar with thin slices of cucumber on buttered wheat bread will have you able to function somewhat, or at least lie in relative comfort on the sofa with a good book, dozing occasionally as the need takes you. You should be able to enjoy company by the early evening and a glass of red wine with a carb-enriched dinner will send you to bed contentedly…

4. A lie-in. If you have the luxury of "sleeping it off" the next day, do so. Your foggy brain and achy body will thank you. However, if you do wake early then some water or juice will certainly help before you try to get back to sleep. Water is good, but tomato juice with cayenne pepper, sugar, and lime is even better. Grab a slice or two of toast and go back to bed. The body has got a great deal of capacity to heal on its own with a little R & R…

5. Of course all of these will be made somewhat redundant if you drink at least a pint of water and take an aspirin or two before you collapse into bed the night before. Sure, the next morning will see you feeling like your I.Q. has dropped considerably, but at least you will not be in pain, and will be able to dress yourself and occasionally smile at the appropriate moments when interacting with others…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “When recently flying over the Valley of the Moon in Sonoma County, just north of Kenwood I inadvertently came across the Ledson Winery and its way over-the-top building, apparently known ‘globally’ as ‘The Castle.’ Owner Steve Ledson, whose local link is through the now closed Zina-Hyde Cunningham tasting room in Boonville, not to mention the 5,000+ acres of vines he has here, would appear to be the man whose ego is being thoroughly stroked by this gothic monstrosity. This laughable imitation, an almost gingerbread version, is an eyesore, completely out of place, and, in my humble opinion, another example of money not being able to buy class, but what does Ledson care about my opinion, and why should he?… Come to think of it, I should thank him for giving me a good laugh at the shear crassness of the building’s exterior appearance. Talk about the ‘Ugly American’ syndrome. Unfortunately, as I am sure you are aware, it’s yet another clear warning is all that the Apocalypse is fast approaching”…

      Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Besides I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture, pleased in the knowledge that the old hare has returned safely to his burrow…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…

p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

p.p.p.p.s. Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin

# 400 - April 2nd, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Yes, readers, it’s the 400th edition of ‘Bird’s Eye View by Turkey Vulture’ and as you can see by the photograph I don’t look a day over 399!!! To celebrate this auspicious occasion, not only am I expecting a letter from the President (of the Independent Career Women (I.C.W.) of Anderson Valley) but also I am pleased to share with you this poignant ode, by D. Bottoms, to Turkey Vultures everywhere…

We have all seen them circling pastures,


Have looked up from the mouth of a barn, a pine clearing,   


The fences of our own backyards, and have stood   


Amazed by the one slow wing beat, the endless dihedral drift.


But I had never seen so many so close, hundreds,   


Every limb of the dead oak feathered black,
 
and I cut the engine,

Let the river grab the jon boat and pull it toward the tree.


The black leaves shined, the pink fruit blossomed   


Red, ugly as a human heart.


Then, as I passed under their dream, I saw for the first time

Its soft countenance, the raw fleshy jowls


Wrinkled and generous, like the faces of the very old

Who have grown to empathize with everything.
 


And I drifted away from them, slow, on the pull of the river,   


Reluctant, looking back at their roost,   

Calling them what I'd never called them, what they are,


Those dwarfed transfiguring angels,


Who flock to the side of the poisoned fox,

The mud turtle
 crushed on the shoulder of the road,


Who pray over the leaf-graves of the anonymous lost,


With mercy enough to consume us all and give us wings. 

      It’s all right - I cried too… And to complete this special occasion’s words of wisdom, here are a couple of things for you to digest…

       As I’ve said many times, despite what you may think, it’s not all glamour being a Turkey Vulture but we do get many compliments. My favorite comes from no less an ‘expert’ than Charles Darwin who said about us Turkey Vultures, “A disgusting bird whose bald scarlet head is formed to wallow in putridity” - thank, you Charles, how kind… And furthermore, try to remember – we Turkey Vultures are Nature’s Garbage Collectors - an honorable profession, even if I do say so myself… So even if some folks say nasty things about us we know that sticks and stones can break our bones but words can never hurt us – unless of course somebody hits me with a really heavy, hardcover dictionary…

      Hard to believe but there is an even more significant Valley event than the 400th column that has been celebrated this week - that would be the birthday of Freda Fox. The Valley’s oldest resident was born on 26th March 1918 and that makes her 96-years young… She once shared with me this piece of advice, written on a card hanging in her kitchen, that she that has tried to follow - “Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and possess the wisdom to know the difference”’… Wise words from a wonderfully wise woman and I’m sure we all wish her ‘Many Happy Returns!’…

        

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #683 - This is a last minute item so hopefully you see it in time - The Agriculture Science class at Anderson Valley High School is going to be raising laying pullets for sale. If you are interested please contact teacher Beth Swehla today, April 2nd.  The price per bird will be determined after they know the size of the order.  It will not be over $10 per bird. Possible varieties available to order: Naked Neck, Black Australorp, Rhode Island Red, Black Sex Link, Barred Rock, Silver Laced Wyandotte, Buff Orpington, and Americana. Call Beth in her classroom at the high school at 895-2514… #684 - If you wish to check out the Cloverdale Fiddle Festival, Saturday, April 5 then the Senior Center is organizing a bus trip there and back. $20.00 covers transport and the festival. If interested contact the Senior Center at 895-3609 or the bus at 489-1175… #685 - The Barn Sale returns this weekend for its usual spring, summer, and fall run after a four-month hiatus. This takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, April 5 and 6… #686 - The Mendocino Bookmobile is in town next Tuesday, April 8. They are in the Valley on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Navarro Store 9am; (then off to Comptche); back to the Valley at Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Their next visit will be Tuesday, April 22. Phone 463-4694 for further details… #687 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be making two visits to the Valley this month. Those will be Thursdays, April 10 and 24 and as always the venue and times are the A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, April 3rd, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Oven Fried Fish and Potatoes, Cornbread Muffins, Spinach & Strawberry Salad, Tabouleh Salad, and Lemon Bars for dessert … Then, next Tuesday evening, April 8 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Pineapple Pepper Chicken, Rice Broccoli, Wheat Berry Salad, Raspberry Gelatin, with Carrot Cake for dessert. As this is the 2nd Tuesday of the month, the dinner will be followed by Bingo at 7pm. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Gloria Ross, Mike Brendlen, Kristy Kramer, Bill Sterling, Anne-Marie and ‘Junior’ Mendoza at the Farm Supply, and Anne Fashauer… Just a few of the local folks who, for me, made last Tuesday a very pleasant day in the Valley… 

… Bruce McEwen, my #1 fan and yet a good man, wrote a letter to the newspaper last week soliciting my assistance in finding out the lowest point on Highway 253 between Boonville and Ukiah. Well, Bruce, after extensive research I can inform you that the answer is Anderson Creek, at the bridge as you leave Boonville and start ‘heading over the hill.’ When the highway reaches Ukiah it is at a much higher elevation, even at Robinson Creek. Ukiah’s altitude, the one in which you spend most of your working week, probably explains your headaches, confusion, and general disorientation - not unlike that experienced by a climber on Everest, or a very inebriated person on a swing…

… The Community Alliance Newsletter, produced every quarter thanks to the efforts of Suzy Miller (and Jimmy Humble) will be missed by many now that they have ‘retired.’ This information sheet, with its list of Valley events, meetings, organizations, and services, was a very useful community tool, and one has to hope that somebody will volunteer to carry it on…

… Oops, I forgot - unless I am mistaken as to some of their primary functions, isn’t this a good fit for our Chamber of Commerce? Certainly the events section of that Newsletter would seem to be. The Chamber’s Events page is certainly in need of some sort of boost, featuring, as it does, the regular Grange functions, the Farmers’ Market, an occasional Valley gathering, and little else. The Valley’s social calendar is extensive and many of the goings-on could be included so that the loss of the Newsletter would be somewhat offset… I’m just sayin’… 

… What’s all the fuss about? Self-ies / Us-ies - those photographs taken by ourselves, of ourselves with friends, are all the rage and discussed as if the wheel has been re-discovered. Some of us have been taking these for 40+ years - we just didn’t know the name of what it was we were doing!...

       This week our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, will not be presenting his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’ - as he is undercover on assignment. There is no truth whatsoever to the rumor that he and his cohorts are attempting to sabotage a frost protection fan or two. I couldn’t possibly say any more than perhaps they are simply studying the night sky and, coincidentally, they have found a good spot to do this among the vines at Golden Buttocks’ vineyard in the Floodgate area…

      I’m outta here - I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; relax in the knowledge that the hare has returned safely to his burrow; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.p.s. Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!