# 116 - June 25th, 2008

Greetings one and all, and I hope I find you safe and sound as the fires and smoke County wide, and beyond, continue to be of great concern. Of course, we also had the Sierra Nevada Music Festival taking place here in The Valley over the weekend but this was somewhat overshadowed amongst local folk with the continuing worries about the fires/smoke that resulted from the lightning on Friday evening - the largest lightning fire situation in recorded Mendocino County history with well over one hundred separate fires reported. Obviously these events will be covered in grater detail elsewhere in this newspaper but I would like to take the opportunity to thank the many brave firefighters for their unwavering efforts and also praise the work done by local public radio station, KZYX & Z, in keeping people informed of the ongoing developments as it affected each and every one of us, and in particular Mary Aigner and Paul Hanson who, amongst others, did a wonderful job over the airwaves…
So how was it for you?...The Sierra Music Festival that is…Apart from a few complaints about the loudness of the music late on Friday/early Saturday ("I live over a mile away and didn't hear a song I liked until 1am on Saturday!") and the sheer number of people in town clearly under the generally very mellow influence of various substances ("this smoke hasn't come from all their f***ing pipes and bongs has it?), I heard mainly positive comments as I hovered in and around downtown Boonville over the weekend…
I finally landed at The Boonville Lodge on Sunday afternoon and, along with about seventy others, watched some soccer live from Europe. It was Spain against Italy in the European Championships (think World Cup for Europe only) and the crowd in attendance, mostly visiting for the Music Festival but taking a break to watch some soccer, featured a wide spectrum of nationalities, including French, Australians, English, Irish, Ethiopians, Nigerians, Senegalese, German, Italian, Lithuanians, a Scotsman in a kilt (not Bruce Anderson) and a sprinkling of Valley folk. It was a veritable Lodge of Nations! They all seemed to have a great time and only one local left in disgust at the whole proceedings, muttering to himself as he left, “I f***in’ hate this s***”…I’m not sure whether he was referring to the soccer, the Festival, or his life in general - or perhaps all three…
All over town a brisk trade was being enjoyed by the local businesses and during my walkabout I observed many out-of-towners devouring the delicious corned beef and prime rib hash and eggs for brunch at The Lodge, all sorts of goodies at The General Store, pick-me-up coffees and delicious smoothies at the One Horse Espresso coffee stand, and the Vanilla Chocolate Chip ice cream that sold out at Buddy’s Ice Cream Parlor just moments before I arrived. This led me to return to The Lodge for another beer to drown my sorrows – once again foiled in an apparent never-ending, and largely unsuccessful, search for my favorite flavor…
Overall, Id’ say the Festival was a success for most and insiders tell me that it has grown over its three years here in The Valley. It has a good ‘feel’ about it, with virtually none of the ‘silly’ behavior that comes with The Beer Festival. Those “in the know” say it is one of the best music festivals anywhere. No doubt we will hear about the problems and inconveniences that arose but, as I mentioned above, there were many, many “thumbs-up” both from visitors for our Valley and by locals for the Festival...
Now it’s time for Public Service Announcement #121: We have the monthly visit to The Valley of the Mendocino Animal Hospital’s vets tomorrow afternoon (June 26th) at Dig Landscape and Garden Supplies (formerly the A.V. Farm Supply) north of Philo. These guys do a great job and if you have a pet care need at this time I urge you to support their efforts to give care to our pets in the Community. They will be in town from 2pm until 3.30pm approximately…
And that provides the perfect segue into…Public Service Announcement #122: It’s Barn Sale time! “The Best Big Barn Sale and BBQ in the West”, as I humbly like to call it, will be taking place this coming weekend, 9am to 3pm on Saturday and Sunday, June 28th/29th. For those unaware, it’s at The Barn just north of Boonville on the west side of Hwy 128 – access is from Anderson Valley Way at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic church sign. There are always plenty of bargains to be had and I’d be very remiss if I failed to mention the fact that, as usual, Bill Holcomb will be working his magic on the grill. See you there – I’ll be the one with a ‘sack of stuff’ and a burger in each hand…
I don’t know what was in the Valley’s water for an extended period over the last year or so but the effect of whatever that was has apparently resulted in the “Great Boonville Baby Boom of 2007-08”. They are everywhere - Quinn Reilly-Kalinowski, Wyatt Gatlin, Clayton “Spike” Mattson-White, Elliot Sutherland-Crangle, Grant of Dave and Laura Williams, Laia and Keith’s Bo, Tasman Ouchida-Pratt, Ferdinand of Ferd and Tracy Thierriot, Libby’s new granddaughter Natalie, Victor the new son of Wes and Snez, and finally, for now, there is another Severn offspring is in town, this one going by the name of Marvel…This large Bundle (the collective noun for a bunch of babies) is settling into Valley life very well and furthermore, apart from resembling either Winston Churchill, Don Knotts, Mr. Magoo, or even Don Rickles for the first few months of their lives (not too much longer than that, hopefully), it must be said that they seem to be developing into a good-looking crew… Congratulations and welcome to one and all…
So, be careful out there – take your inhalers if you have them, don’t breathe too deeply, spare a thought for those less fortunate than yourselves, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 115 - June 18th, 2008

Greetings one and all and can I assume you are all excited about the Sierra Nevada Music Festival that ‘invades’ The Valley this coming weekend??? No? Unlike the Beer Festival, at which the main idea for most attendees seems to be to get very, very drunk, this celebration of Reggae and World Music seems to require that its guests indulge in other conscious-altering concoctions and as a result the levels of obnoxious behavior are far less than that at the earlier event. Nevertheless, with the Summer Solstice occurring at the same time as the Festival with the result that the pagans, the witches (good and bad), music lovers, and stoners are all out in force at the same time. This may mean that if you live in downtown Boonville, you may well end up with several red-eyed strangers collapsed besides an un-pitched tent in your back yard when you wake up in the morning on Saturday or Sunday. Be gentle with them…Or conversely put up a sign like the one I saw at last year’s event that said, “Camp here and you’ll wish you’d kissed a wild Hog’s snout instead”…Whatever works for you…
Public Service Announcement #117: Do yourself a favor and be even more careful than usual where you buy gas these days. With the increase in prices soaring more quickly than ever over the past few weeks the local gas stations are trying desperately to compete for your business. In this column, I don’t like to compare the prices of local businesses in direct competition with each other but I will just say that, unlike in the past, all three of the Valley’s gas stations have had the lowest price in the past week or so and as we rapidly approach the $5 mark you would be wise to shop around whenever you can – things are changing every day or so…The prices at our three gas stations for the cheapest gas on Monday were $4.57 $4.79, and $4.89 – read ‘em and weep! That’s a difference of 32 cents between the cheapest and most expensive - $6.40 on 20 gallons – enough for a burrito at Moya’s Taco stand! - I just thought you should know…
It was Graduation and Awards week at the High School and, whilst I was unable to attend the High School Graduation (which I believe took a mere two hours – a very welcome six year low), I did make it to the “8th Grade Promotion” on Friday evening. It was a great evening with smiling faces everywhere and I’m sure Terry Ryder, who I spotted taking copious notes, will have lots and lots of lovely things to say about the event in her “School Notes” column…The kids and proud parents clearly had a wonderful time, even though many of the boys seemed somewhat self-conscious and walked awkwardly without moving their arms whilst most of the girls were very self-assured and walked confidently across the stage. Obviously thirteen/fourteen year-old boys and girls are two very different “breeds”…”Well done” to all involved and I look forward to following the progress of these kids as they enter the “scary” world of High School…
This news may appear elsewhere in these pages but just in case their modesty forbids them from mentioning it, I would like to point out that, according to my very reliable sources, the victorious team at last Thursday’s General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at The Boonville Lodge was called “The Freesias” and two of the four team members were A.V.A. Supremo, Bruce Anderson, and The Major - Mark Scaramella! Some readers may think, rightly or wrongly, that these two ‘intellectuals’ would help any team but apparently the other two “Freesias”, Tina Casey and Anne Faschauer, more than held their own and it was a total team effort that led to their win.
Whilst we’re on this subject I should point out that in second place there was a tie between regular attendees and sometimes winners - The Cheesecake Gang (Sophie, Helen, and Dave) and The Make More Stumps Crew featuring Ed and Candy Slotte, Sgt. Jesse Slotte, and Jesse’s wife, Maricela…“What will the Slotte Family do next?” I wondered…What about throwing a “Welcome Home, Jesse” party open to the whole Valley? - which was exactly what they did at The Fairgrounds on Saturday afternoon!….
Following a short and fulfilling visit to the Jesse Slotte party, I flew out along the long and winding road to Comptche where I had been invited to attend a birthday party. Now numerous Valley folk have some pre-conceived ideas about the “Comptche Crew” and not all of these are very flattering. However, I am here to tell you that this particular group of Compchites (interspersed with a small group of Boonts – safety in numbers perhaps?) was most enjoyable company. They live in a beautiful place, had superb vegan food (if you like that sort of thing - and they didn’t seem to mind when I “soiled” their grill with pork hot dogs), and were extremely “nice” – almost suspiciously so, I have to say. Anyway, it was a lovely evening spent with many delightful people and I can only hope nobody was upset that I ate most of the delicious guacamole – hey, it was the only green thing I liked!…The only bad news was that perhaps I’d made my annual trip to this quaint place one day too early. On the following afternoon it was to be the famous Comptche Father’s Day Chicken BBQ to benefit the local volunteer firefighters - the 43rd such event. That was a bitter pill to swallow – as regular readers will no doubt be aware, eating for charity is definitely in my Top Five things to do. Anyway, I hope the event was a success and that they enjoyed all of my chicken!!
Meanwhile the hot weather is set to continue and you don’t need weather “expert” Dave Gowan to tell you so – although I do miss Dave (and Nancy) since the A.V. Farm Supply was sold and became Dig Supplies. I see little of him these days and he was by far the best Valley weather forecaster around – far more reliable than either the radar, the usual “know-it-all” in the bar, or the “experts” on the radio. So, enjoy the sunshine, be careful out there, remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, try to stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 114 - June 11th, 2008

Greetings one and all, many of whom I know were in attendance at the heart-warming and very cool homecoming for Sgt. Jesse Slotte that took place last Thursday along Hwy. 128 in downtown Boonville. It was a wonderful turnout of local folks from all walks of Valley life and, judging by the look on Jesse’s face, it was something that he appreciated very much. Later that night, after spending a few hours catching up with his high school buddies, Jesse and wife Maricela turned up at The Boonville Lodge Bar and Grill for a celebratory drink with numerous other friends and acquaintances. The huge cheer that went up as they entered the bar was something to behold…I just wanted to add that during this difficult time for the Slotte Family I have seen and briefly spoken to Jesse’s parents, Ed and Candy Slotte, on numerous occasions and their positive way of dealing with Jesse’s situation and their pleasant and friendly demeanor throughout the ordeal will surely have been an inspiration to all those who came into contact with them. Very best wishes to Jesse and his whole Family – heroes one and all…

Talking of Family, this coming Sunday (June 15th) is Father’s Day and whilst I am personally not exactly sure how many fine-feathered offspring I am responsible for, or where they are, I am sure most of you Dads are on top of this kind of information. I hope that you all enjoy your special day and are treated accordingly…

Whine of the Week…I feel I must have a little whine about the pitifully low percentage of voters who took part in last week’s local elections etc. It was around just 35% and, in light of the fact that we live in an area where there is no shortage of those who hardly shy away from sharing their opinions about ‘stuff’ (whether they know what they are talking about or not), this poor showing was pathetic. Apparently, many of those who pontificate endlessly to a captive audience in the bar/post office/store or at a potluck are unable to seize the opportunity, when it matters, to actually have their voices heard and perhaps make a difference. It’s too bad…

On a far more cheerful note, it’s time for The Wine of the Week for which I have to thank Hugh the Heron of Ft. Bragg for his recommendation. Hummingbird and I celebrated our recent wedding anniversary by returning to our favorite coast restaurant, The Ledford House in Albion. There, amongst many other wonderful offerings that the restaurant always seems to produce, we followed Hugh’s advice and thoroughly enjoyed the Humboldt Fog Cheese and Beet Salad accompanied by a delicious Navarro Vineyards’ 2006 Dry Riesling – a superb pairing and one which is arguably in my Top Five of 2008 so far. You will not be disappointed…

Now to the news you’ve no doubt all been waiting for…In the unofficial poll for the Unofficial Mayor of Anderson Valley, all the ballots are in, the votes have been totaled up, and we have a Winner – it’s Lauren Keating (of Lauren’s Restaurant fame)!...She received some last minute poll-clinching votes following her performance at the restaurant on Saturday night singing with the Peanut Butter and Jam Band. She has a lovely singing voice and I look forward to her acceptance speech/song…When I asked her how it felt to be the “lady-in-waiting” for this potentially very important position, which may or may not be re-instated one day, she replied coyly, “Well I’m sure it’s not an easy job for just one person. We have so many different points of view here in The Valley - I might need some help.” I’m not sure if she was hinting that I should be her ‘Deputy Mayor’ but, if she was, it was very kind of her…and quite wise and perceptive too, I have to say…

Anyway, here are the final standings: Lauren 14%; Turkey “Trust me” Vulture 11%; Bruce Anderson 10%; Captain Rainbow, Bruce “Uncle Sam” Hering and Cheryl Schrader (A.V. Animal Rescue) ended with 7% each; Ross Murray (KZYX, etc, etc) and Vince “Vinnie” Bellew both with 6%; Emil “Hardware” Rossi and the Nine-Month Old Quinn Reilly-Kalinowski finished on 5%; Bruce Patterson and Coach Kuny both end up on 4%; Wayne Hiatt (Community Xmas Tree) and Frida Fox (I.C.W. etc) were both on 3%; Cindy Wilder (Farmer’s Market, etc) and Leslie (All that Good Stuff) each had 2%…Finally, Gene “General Plan” Herr, “King” Ken Allen, Scott “The Scotsman” Frazier, and Pipe Man Robert (A.V. Brewery) all finished with 1% of the vote, showing that at least somebody thought each of them could do a good job…It’s been fun and many thanks to those of you who took part and voted. We had quite a turnout for this “important” poll and it would appear that there is something of a groundswell for re-creating the position of Mayor of Anderson Valley – something we have not had since, err, err…does anyone actually know?

Last week in this esteemed publication, Our Mighty Leader’s comments concerning the number of “mystery” wineries involved in the recent Anderson Valley Pinot Festival intrigued me. Bruce noted that he was familiar with only thirteen of the thirty-three listed. I checked the line-up and it turned out that I was aware of just sixteen - and I’m a “professional” wine drinker!...In answer to Supremo Anderson’s vaguely rhetorical question, “Who are these people?”, I have no idea at all and at this point in time I can only say that I am as bewildered as many others…

Meanwhile - be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 113 - June 4th, 2008

Greetings one and all and I’m sure you’re all be fascinated to know that the polls for the “Unofficial Mayor of Anderson Valley” will close this coming Sunday, June 8th...So, you have just a few more days to get your ‘votes’ in and I’ll have the results next week…Whilst I’m here you should be aware of just one more of the points in my own manifesto - a vote for Turkey Vulture would be a vote for no more vineyards. This would be vigorously enforced, particularly if one was to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-it-all who has made their millions in an entirely different field of expertise and for some reason therefore assumes they can make wine; someone who has never lived here full-time, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit them in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on their head…But I digress…
Current standings in the poll are: Lauren 14%; Bruce Anderson 12%; Turkey Vulture 11%; Bruce Hering 10%; Captain Rainbow 9%; Ross Murray 8%; Vince Bellew 7%; Bruce Patterson, Emil Rossi, Wayne Hiatt, and Coach Kuny all on 4%; Frida Fox and Cheryl Schrader (A.V. Rescue) both on 3%; Cindy Wilder and Leslie (All that Good Stuff) each have 2%; and a newcomer to the poll, Quinn Reilly- Kalinowski, has 1% of the votes, but she may prove to be unelectable as she is only nine months old – although some might say this may be the best reason for voting for her!…Gene Herr, Ken Allen, Scott Frazier, and Robert (A.V. Brewery) all have .5% each…
Whine of the Week - If you are like me you will find it strange, even annoying sometimes, that when you ask some people a question about something about which it soon turns out that they know nothing or very little, they still feel the need to come up with an answer of some sort, no matter how incorrect it may be or how long it takes them to offer their response. They do mean well of course but the simple reply of, “I don’t know” does not seem to be an option. To me this is a very acceptable reply. It is much more helpful in the long run and it will save everyone lots of time…I’m just merely trying to help…
Wine of the Week – I have drank so much wine over the past several days that I am unable to come up with a clear and concise thought on this...As a result, all I can say is that we have some excellent wines in The Valley and I encourage you to taste as many as possible, as often as you can. It goes almost without saying that you can trust me on this, and can thank me later…
It may not have been on the scale of the famous “Rumble in the Jungle” or ‘The Thrilla in Manila”, each of which featured Muhammed Ali in heavyweight boxing world title fights against George Foreman and Joe Frazier respectively, but last week’s frantic, and at times frightening, “Man against Beast in Philo East” between Tom Towey, owner of The Boonville Lodge Bar & Grill and Big Bad Llama was certainly something to behold…I was flying over the hills, high above Indian Creek in Philo, when I spotted Tom helping his neighbor Carroll Pratt around the ranch. Suddenly there was a swirl of dust and I could just make out The Big Bad Llama (there to protect Carroll’s sheep and perhaps feeling that Tom was threatening or approaching them in an inappropriate way) as he launched an attack on the unsuspecting bar owner and do-gooder.
I zoomed down for a closer look and could see that this was a serious situation with the “Nastiest Llama in the West” going for an early knockout. Judging by its viciousness, the brawl was obviously not going to last long and soon it had developed into an apparent fight to the death. Big Bad Llama, after ramming Tom in the ribs, repeatedly bit him on the shoulder, on his back, arms, and leg, tearing away Tom’s t-shirt and jeans in the process. Tom, not a wimp in anyone’s book, fought back with punches and various well-rehearsed wrestling and judo moves. Twice Tom was on top and each time he backed off giving the Llama the opportunity to move away but the four-legged Maniac kept coming back for more. Finally, Tom managed to pin the Llama on the ground in a strangle hold and tightened his grip around the Llama’s neck. The angry beast growled at first but his resistance slowly subsided and, as he entered his final gasps of life, he thrashed around on the ground with Tom pressing home his advantage. The Llama groaned breathlessly and it was at this point that Tom, being an animal lover at heart, relaxed his grip, slowly backed off, and stood up. The Llama hesitated for a moment, looked up at Tom, and rose to his feet. Tom was ready. The Llama seemed to weigh up his options and, as quickly as he had started the ‘rumble’ five minutes earlier, he decided to count his blessings and staggered off to the pasture where he began to enjoy a little lunch…
The next day Tom was in plenty of pain. The bruises and wounds he had sustained meant he had hardly slept. The Llama meanwhile seemed fine as he grazed contentedly in the field. It had been a short yet classic battle and the crowd (myself, Carroll, and a couple of bemused sheep) felt we had surely been entertained as much as the millions worldwide who had witnessed Ali’s two heroic battles in Zaire and the Philippines back in the 70’s…We also learnt that Tom of The Lodge is not a man to be messed with!!!
On a very different note indeed, I should remind you that the final two performances of this year’s production by the A.V. Theatre Guild will take place at The Grange this Friday and Saturday at 7pm each night. I have heard good things so far about the two short-ish comedies that feature about a dozen of our local actors, several of them who attend our local schools…My advice - come out and support your local theatre and its hard-working and talented actors...I’ll see you in the cheap seats...
Meanwhile - be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net