# 236 - November 24th, 2010

Greetings - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And a Happy Thanksgiving to one and all for tomorrow! What a great day – “well done!” to whoever thought of it... This Mother-of-All national holidays, and by far my personal favorite, is all about celebrating with friends and family. Throw in food, drink, and football and it can’t get much better than that!
Anyway, as you digest that unnecessary yet unavoidable second helping of food, and before your nap, perhaps you will be inclined to summon up the energy to take part in my Thanksgiving Day Quiz... Answers at the end of the column...
1. How many people were aboard the Mayflower when it set sail from England in 1620? a) 35 b) 88 c) 102 d) 148
2. One year after the pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died. So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the ration of men to women at that historical event? a) Even b) 2:1 c) 5:1 d) 9:1
3. What color was ‘taboo’ to the new settlers and was never worn?
a) Red b) Purple c) Blue d) Black
4. What was the last name of the Mayflower’s Captain?
a) Smith b) Brown c) Jones d) Bligh
5. Which two teams in the N.F.L. traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving – one since 1934, the other since the 70’s?
6. How many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?
a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d) 90
7. What is America’s favorite dessert on Thanksgiving?
a) Pumpkin Pie b) Pecan Pie
c) Sweet Potato Pie d) Crème Brule
8. At the first Thanksgiving which of the following was approved table manners? a) To eat with your hands b) To spit on the floor
c) To throw bones into the fire when done d) All of these
9. Who pushed for the Turkey to be the nation’s national symbol?
a) Benjamin Franklin b) Abraham Lincoln
c) F.D.R. d) George W. Bush
10. Fish, fowl, peas, pumpkins, veal, beef, turkey...Which of these items was not on the very 1st Thanksgiving Day menu?
11. True or False? - Indians attended the first Thanksgiving feast.
12. True or False? - Thanksgiving is always the last Thursday of November.
13. True or False? Male Turkeys are the ones who make the gobbling sound.
14. True or False? The Pilgrims bought beer with them on the voyage to the New World.
15. True or False? At the early Thanksgivings, Turkey Vultures were also on the menu.
Let’s stay with the “Thanksgiving” theme for the Quote of the Week... I have a few words from Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all the family is gathered together on the big day – “Families are all about love overcoming emotional torture”… O.K., let’s have a positive thought to finish with – and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – I rest my case!...
Public Service Announcements… #442 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are here on two Thursdays next month - Dec 2nd and 9th, at the Farm Supply north of Philo on Hwy 128 from 2pm to 3.30pm on each occasion... #443: This year the Winter Farmer’s Market plus the Arts and Crafts Mart is moving from The Grange to the Porch at Lauren’s Restaurant where Lauren will have coffee and pastries for sale too. It will be on Saturdays from 10.30am to 1pm every week (except Xmas Day and the New Year’s Day)... #444 – The Annual Holiday Bazaar organized by The A.V. Unity Club to benefit Student Scholarships and the A.V. Library is on Sat Dec 4th, 10am-4pm at The Apple Hall and will feature Xmas Gifts, homemade baked goods, and an auction... #445 - There are still plenty of fresh organic eggs available from the A.V.H.S. Ag Department – contact the school or e-mail Beth Swehla at bswehla@mcn.org. They are delicious – trust me on this, you can thank me later... And a few early notices for your new 2011 calendar... #446 - The 5th Annual Anderson Valley Film Celebration is set for The Grange on the weekend of January 28th – 30th... And of course the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the new year...#447 - The A.V. Senior Center Crab Feed will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 15th, 2011... #448 – And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, Feb 5th, 2010, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville... I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the Jan 15th big night out or Gloria Ross at 895-3017 for the Feb 5th extravaganza.
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...
Answers to the Quiz...
1. Answer c). 102 – 74 males, 28 females. (2 dogs, no Turkey Vultures).
2. Answer d). With only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 – there were just five women remaining! I couldn’t possibly comment further...
3. Answer b). Purple. It was associated with wealth and the upper classes in the Old World at that time.
4. Answer c). Jones. His name was Christopher Jones
5. The Detroit Lions (since 1934) and the Dallas Cowboys play at home on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving.
6. Answer b). A Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had little luck when trying to creep up and capture one for dinner. I suggest you just buy one from Lemons’ Market!
7. Answer a). Pumpkin Pie, although Freshly Squished Squirrel Pie covered in a creamy entrails sauce is the pie of choice here at The Nest.
8. Answer d). All were acceptable – similar to Thanksgiving at The Nest where guests are encouraged to partake in each of these.
9. Answer a). Benjamin Franklin – a great man and obviously a true visionary.
10. Beef. Not even bulls’ testicles or cow eyes. Too bad...
11. True. The Indians easily outnumbered the Pilgrims, more than half of who had died over that first year.
12. False. It’s always the 4th Thursday of November, even when November has five Thursdays.
13. True. Females do not.
14. True. Yer gotta like that.
15. False. That would be unacceptable, although possibly quite tasty.

# 235 - November 17th, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... For various reasons, this is a shorter column than usual. Hopefully you will not be too upset (?)...
I am sure it was with great sadness that many Valley folks heard of the passing of Carroll Pratt this past week. His demise (a word he often used in the past couple of years when talking of his future) came at the age of eighty-nine. He was a real Gentleman in every sense, with a wonderful mind and a caring soul, and he had achieved so much in his long and varied life. His passing is a loss to our community. (For those wishing to know more about Carroll’s fascinating life, Steve Sparks’ interview with Carroll can be found at www.avalleylife.wordpress.com (In the list of interviews it is under ‘C’)
Public Service Announcements… #34 – This coming weekend, Nov 20th and 21st, sees the last Barn Sale until March 2011 at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. It runs from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday and you may well find a gift or two for Xmas or at least enjoy an Efrenburger or Mendozadog from the grill courtesy of grill master Efron Mendosa... #35 - It’s the monthly I.C.W. meeting this evening (Nov 17th) and once again it appears that my invite has been ‘lost in the mail.’ Oh, well I hope everyone has a great time... #36 – The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital in Ukiah are here once again tomorrow (Nov.18th) when they will take care of your pet’s needs from 2pm to 3.30pm at The Farm Supply on Hwy 128, north of Philo. Oh, and while you’re there, how about buying a little something to support our local Farm Supply and thank them for providing this wonderful service?!... #37 – The Buckhorn will open soon. The inefficiency of the county’s bureaucracy certainly appears to have reached new highs in this case and what should have been opened a month or more ago remains closed as December approaches. However, early/mid December is the target at this time according to owner Tom Towey and so finally a very welcome addition to the Valley scene, in the form of a fine grub pub that will also provide jobs for many, will be allowed to open its doors...
Which brings us coincidentally to our Quote(s) of the Week... Here’s a good one from the now passed American drama critic and N.Y. Times editor, Brooks Atkinson, who said, “Bureaucracies are designed to perform public business. But as soon as bureaucracy is established, it develops an autonomous spiritual life and comes to regard the public as its enemy.” – He must have lived in Mendo at some point surely?!... And here’s another while I’m having a rant and in desperate need of some buffalo wings and a few draft beers, “Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.” That comes from Honore De Balzac, the French playwright and novelist, and also a former resident of this county one has to assume...
Many regulars have informed me of the splendid efforts made by several volunteers and many students, armed with buckets, wheelbarrows, spades, rakes, and a whole lot of dirt, as they tried to get the terrible field at The Fairgrounds into somewhat decent shape for last week’s high school soccer play-off semi-final. It was very encouraging to see the soccer, football, and basketball teams represented, as well as Tony Pardini’s Panther Cubs football squad there on force, all under the direction of Palmer Toohey. At some point decisions have to be made about whether this venue is to be one for high school sports or a rodeo/horse events as it does not seem viable to be both. At this point, however, at least having the various sports working together is certainly a very good starting point for any ensuing discussions on this matter...
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 234 - November 10th, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I attended what I assume was the final tri-tip bbq fundraiser of the year as a crowd of perhaps fifty or so gathered at the new Golden Eye Winery facility just north of Philo on Sunday afternoon to raise money for our volunteer firefighters. It must be said that the Lions Club cooks - Olie Erickson, Rob Guliani, and Judy Long, along with their very able assistants, and a ‘new’ less salty rub, produced the best grill of the year and they even promised to mix it up a little in 2011 when ribs and perhaps chicken will be added to their repertoire at Lions Club events. The tri-tip was perfect, as were the grilled veggies, ‘meaty’ Portobella mushrooms, and zesty salad. Enjoyed with a delicious Golden Eye Pinot Noir it was an orgasmic culinary experience - which is not bad on a Sunday afternoon with rain clouds on the horizon – what more can I say?... Some of those in attendance had come from the Veterans Day of Remembrance event held at the Evergreen Cemetery earlier, via Lauren’s Restaurant where Lauren had opened to specifically provide, on the house, some refreshments in the hour or so between the two functions. This earlier ceremony had a similar sized crowd and many expressed their gratitude that such an occasion had been organized. With the flag raised by nonagenarian Ross Murray, a six-gun salute by members of the American Legion, various poignant readings by Patty Liddy and Joe Petelle, a recital by Ellen Ingram of the names inscribed on the Wall of Remembrance of those local folks who had served their country and who were now passed, hymns that were sung accompanied by Lynn Archambault on her accordion, and ‘Taps’ played by Joe Petelle on his trombone, it was a worthy, moving, and uniquely Anderson Valley tribute to the fallen.
Let’s have a few Public Service Announcements… #66 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are coming to the Farm Supply in the Valley on two more occasions this month. They will be here tomorrow, Thursday Nov11th, when Dr. Bennett will be in town. They will also be here next Thursday Nov 18th when Dr. Burns returns... #67 – School is out for Veterans Day tomorrow and also on Friday, Nov 12th... #68 – The Lions Club will NOT meet this month but The Grange committee will - on Tuesday, 16th at The Grange starting at 7pm... #69 - Sue Davies of the A.V. Lyme Resource Advocates informs me that on Saturday, November 13th, from 2-4 p.m at the Laughing Dog bookstore in Boonville, Dr Neil Nathan, local lyme literate doctor, will be doing a meet and greet. He will be signing his new book, "Hope and Healing: For Those Who Have Fallen Through the Medical Cracks"... #70 – The Valley’s 2nd oldest Resident, Harold Perry, turned 94 on Monday (Nov 8th) and if that isn’t worthy of a Public Service Announcement I don’t know what is!
Tomorrow (November 11th) is Veterans Day (Remembrance Day in Europe and Canada), rightfully regarded as a very important day for observance and commemoration. This occasion marks the anniversary of the end of hostilities in World War One or The Great War’ (the so-called “War to end all Wars” - if only it had been), which took place at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. It is not a day to celebrate victories but rather one to take a moment for remembrance of those who fought, and in many cases gave their lives, in that war and the many since, so that ours may be better today and in the future.
With this in mind, I am going to forego our ‘Quote of the Week’ and instead present a poem. These very moving words are by World War One poet, Wilfred Owen, probably the finest war poet of all, and the poem is entitled “Disabled” (1917). It expresses the tormented thoughts and recollections of a teenaged soldier in the Great War who has lost his limbs in battle and is now confined, utterly helpless, to a wheelchair. The subject contrasts the living death he is now facing with the youthful pleasures he had enjoyed "before he threw away his knees"; he goes on to recall the impetuous and frivolous circumstances in which he had joined up to fight in the war. He also notes how the crowds that greeted his return were smaller and less enthusiastic than those who cheered his departure, and how women no longer look at him but instead at "the strong men who were whole". In the opinion of many, it is one of the finest anti-war poems ever written.

“He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,
And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,
Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park
Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,
Voices of play and pleasure after day,
Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.
About this time Town used to swing so gay
When glow-lamps budded in the light blue trees,
And girl glanced lovelier as the air grew dim---
In the old times, before he threw away his knees.
Now he will never feel again how slim
Girl's waists are, or how warm their subtle hands.
All of them touch him like some queer disease.

One time he liked a blood-smear down his leg,
After the matches, carried shoulder-high.
It was after football, when he'd drunk a peg,
He thought he'd better join.---He wonders why.
Someone had said he'd look a god in kilts,
That's why; and maybe, too, to please his Meg,
Aye, that was it, to please the giddy jilts
He asked to join. He didn't have to beg;
Smiling they wrote his lie: aged nineteen years.
Germans he scarcely thought of; all their guilt,
And Austria's, did not move him. And no fears
Of Fear came yet. He thought of jewelled hilts
For daggers in plaid socks; of smart salutes;
And care of arms; and leave; and pay arrears;
Esprit de corps; and hints for young recruits.
And soon, he was drafted out with drums and cheers.

Some cheered him home, but not as crowds cheer Goal.
Only a solemn man who brought him fruits
Thanked him; and then enquired about his soul.
Now, he will spend a few sick years in institutes,
And do what things the rules consider wise,
And take whatever pity they may dole.
Tonight he noticed how the women's eyes
Passed from him to the strong men that were whole.
How cold and late it is! Why don't they come
And put him into bed? Why don't they come?”

p.s. Wilfred Owen was killed in action at the age of twenty-five, on Nov 4th, 1918, a week before the war ended. Ironically, the telegram from the War Office announcing his death was delivered to his mother's home as her town's church bells were ringing in celebration of the Armistice when the war ended.
Be careful out there...May your god go with you… Let us pray… Very humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 233 - November 3rd, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Did you vote yesterday? Good, I’m proud of you... There are some excellent quotes that have been made on this topic so here we go with my three favorites for your Quotes of the Week... Let’s start with the classic by Abraham Lincoln who unforgettably said, “The ballot is stronger than the bullet.” Up next is drama critic George Jean Nathan’s comment, “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” And finally, one which I think should be followed to the letter here in the Valley, Madonna’s saucy remark, “If you don’t vote, you’re going to get a spankie!” It’s almost worth not voting, eh? That’s a joke; I’m (half) kidding...
Let’s move very quickly on to this week’s Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… #125 – The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital are coming to the Farm Supply in the Valley three times this month. Their first visit is tomorrow, Thursday Nov 4th when Dr. Burns will be in town. They will also be here on the following two Thursdays – Nov 11th (Dr. Bennett) and Nov 18th (Dr. Burns)... #126 – A very special event will take place this coming Sunday, November 7th at the Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. It’s in observance of Veterans Day and will start at 10.30am. Everyone is encouraged to attend as the American Legion and friends plan to commemorate and thank those who have served their country. Hopefully this important event will be well supported by our community – please think seriously about attending... #127 – On leaving the Veterans event, you could head for Philo where from 1pm to 4pm on the 7th, at the new Golden Eye Winery facility at 1701 Hwy 128, (mile marker 21.4), there will be a fundraiser for the A.V. Fire Department. Perhaps inevitably, it will be a Tri-Tip bbq served with wines from the aforementioned winery. You will not need earplugs as all frost protection fans and machinery will be turned off, and besides, it is obviously for a very good cause... #128 - ‘Bingo and Dinner’ night returns to the Senior Center at 6pm next Tuesday, Nov 9th. It’s the hottest ticket in town and I suggest you get there early to get a good seat. All are welcome, not just seniors, and there will be Bingo prizes galore following a wonderful feast of Shepherd’s Pie etc...
The big decision I knew I’d have to make on Saturday regarding which Halloween Party to attend was made much easier as I flew over The Grange and spotted two women in corsets and high heeled boots entering the building to board the Voodoo Queen and no doubt enjoy the party and its Steam Punk theme. It was a ‘no-brainer’, as they say, and I inevitably followed them in... Once again The Magic Company had done a very impressive job and there was something to behold at every turn, from the train rides through graveyards outside, to the large jars containing heads and body parts, to the fine sounds produced by D.J. Pete and the excellent performance by Dr Shock and the Short Circuits band with singers that included Lauren of Lauren’s of course, along with The Voodoo Queen herself – Patty Liddy (‘Proud Mary’ and ‘House of the Rising Sun’) and the Mad Scientist, Mike Crutcher, who performed a wonderful, crowd-pleasing rendition of Minnie the Moocher. The fashion show was also lots of fun and some people clearly had gone all out with their costumes. Let me not forget Bill Harper’s Gambling Saloon, Madame Charlatan’s fortune telling, and perhaps my favorite act of the night - the Can-Can Girls who did a great routine in their petticoats and corsets that featured lots of bending over and high kicks that made many people very happy. Me certainly!... With lots of delicious snacks and refreshing beer and wine flowing, the crowd (of perhaps 150+) seemed to have a wonderful time both on and off the dance floor, whilst I personally spent most of the evening sipping beer and just people watching, trying to guess who was who behind the costumes and masks. However, at one point I did find myself in the company of Mark P and Jonesy, and sitting in their tent under a vibrating helmet with Jonesy’s hat placed over my private parts for reasons that were never explained to me. After undergoing their research on my head and brain, they presented me with a piece of paper that said ‘Your purity is matched only by your loveliness.’ Wow! How did they come up with that? Brilliant! I didn’t think anybody would ever find out... Great job, Magic Company!...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave, I have to see a woman about a corset... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. Keep the Faith...
p.p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net