# 326 - September 26th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Belated (perhaps) ‘Happy Birthdays’ this month to both Neil Darling and Gloria Abbott!… Meanwhile, two memorials were held this past weekend in the Valley and, based on attendance, clearly these two recently deceased Valley folks, Efren Mendoza and Bruce Longstreet (both cancer victims at far too young an age), each played significant roles in the community and affected the lives of many. They will be sadly missed... 

       Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #237 –There are still some tickets available for the Benefit Dinner that Libby's Restaurant in Philo is putting on for the Elder Home this coming Sunday, September 30. There will be two sittings, at 5:00 and 7:00 pm, serving a three-course meal, with chicken, beef, pork, and vegetarian entrees (none of which normally appear on the menu), each served with accompaniments, plus salad and dessert. Tickets are $30 per person, drinks to be purchased separately. Seating is limited so pre-purchase your ticket at Libby's, All That Good Stuff, Lemon's Market in Philo, or call the EH at 895-3889… #238 – The monthly Barn Sale on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, has moved to the first weekend of the month, Saturday/Sunday, Oct 6/7, open each day from 9am to 3pm… #239 – And here’s a heads-up that the Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will make two visits to the Valley next month – Thursday’s Oct 11 and 25, from 2pm to 3.30pm at the A.V. Farm Supply each day…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...

... Beaten up by two Native Americans; temporarily suspended after drawing his gun on two ‘bad guys’ in Philo; lying in a coma after a car crash… These are just three of the rumors that have been circulating the Valley with regards to Deputy Craig Walker whose recent absence from these parts has clearly fired up the imaginations of a few ‘concerned’ citizens. I can very reliably tell you that he is actually alive and well, and will be back here soon after completing a successful training period with ‘our’ police dog, Argus. Oh, and with Argus in mind, he too is fine, despite another wild rumor. There was a police dog that did die who was in training with Argus. During a drill, the poor dog ripped open a bag of methamphetamine, swallowed some of the evil powder, and died from a heart attack. Very sad, and true…

… So I see that Mendocino H.S. basketball Coach, Jim Young, feels the need to comment publicly on academically ineligible players being inadvertently selected for the A.V.H.S. soccer team. Many guys at the 3-Dot look forward to ‘discussing’ this issue when Young is next in town…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Revolutionary generals Emilio Zapato or Pancho Villa; maybe Aztec Emperor Cuauhtemo or five-time President Benito Juarez; perhaps artist Diego Rivera or certainly Mexican American civil rights activist Cesar Chavez; even actress Salma Hayek! Any of these significant contributors to Mexican history and culture over the years would be a welcome sight on a t-shirt worn by a high school student. However, the person whose face I saw represented on the t-shirt of a student at A.V.H.S. last week featured El Chapo Guzman ("Shorty Guzmán" for his 5 ft 6 in stature). Guzman is Mexico's top drug kingpin and is considered "The most powerful drug trafficker in the world," by the United States Department of the Treasury. Forbes magazine calls him the "biggest drug lord of all time", and the DEA strongly believes he has surpassed the influence and reach of former drug kingpin, Columbia’s Pablo Escobar, and now considers him "the godfather of the drug world.” The U.S. offers a $5 million reward for information leading to his capture. The Mexican government offers a reward of 30 million pesos for such information. Is it just one student who thinks of Guzman as something of a hero? I don’t think so. Is this just a rebellious gesture of a teenager being a teenager? Perhaps. Do the faculty realize who Guzman is? Quite possibly not. I admit to not knowing what this represents but a sign of the approach of the Apocalypse is one thing that clearly comes to mind”…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 325 - September 19th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And I can think of no better place to do that than by getting straight to the topic of the week at The Three-Dot Lounge – The County Fair…

... Friday evening... It seemed to be a smaller crowd than in recent years – a sign of the times perhaps… Excellent victory for the A.V.H.S. Junior Varsity football; a not so happy result for the Varsity team… Rave reviews on the corn dogs (although the ‘after effects’ were felt by some I am reliably informed)... Lots of very loud screaming on the rides – hopefully not because the carnies were misbehaving! I feel I can say that because I once was a carnie myself, working the bumper cars on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, New Jersey, during the summer of 1980... Talking of which, the bumper cars returned after a one year absence (it’s not a real Fair without them) and while there was no clown to scare the kids (and many adults) there was Kellie Karl, the Las Vegas Hypnotist and Sadie the Balloon Lady - my personal favorite if only because I cannot help but admire just how incredibly excited she gets about her balloon creations… Good cheeseburger courtesy of the A.V. Volunteer Firefighters – gets my ‘Best Food at the Fair’ award once again, just beating out the teriyaki chicken-on-a-stick... Plenty of drinking by Valley folks in and around the Lions Club ‘Bar’... Lots of meeting and greeting of old friends and familiar faces...

... Saturday evening... Good crowd, perhaps above average for most Saturdays in recent years... Some wonderfully presented and cared for animals – particularly the pigs and sheep – I’ve never seen such large and well-kept yearling ewes... Some fine rodeo performances providing lots of excitement to the fans packed in the stands... Delicious looking prize-winning produce that was displayed in the exhibit halls and that was very difficult not to devour feverishly, but I restrained myself and only took a few bites... Shockingly, the wine ran out at 7.50pm!!! Unbelievable – I guess we need more wineries!(?)… Much smaller numbers than normal at the Sam Prather Dinner for the Fair’s volunteers and exhibitors – no idea why – the chicken and pulled pork were delicious… Lost of people heading out of the Fairgrounds at 9.30pm – many to the Dance in the Apple Hall featuring Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, almost as many to the Boonville Saloon (formerly the Lodge) for some serious libations…

... Sunday morning/afternoon... In the Sheep Dog Trial, that featured some very ornery sheep, we saw a great first place performance by sheepdog Bren and her handler, my Master Shepherd friend, Kevin Owens of Yorkville. It was Kevin’s first win at the Fair after thirty years of competing and I’ve never seen him happier… I thought it was a more exciting Fair Parade than in recent times I must say, despite the fact that the well-known Bareologist of Boonville who normally flashes her mountainous mounds at various parade participants, particularly the County Sheriff, was not to be seen... A wide variety of interesting looking people passing by the A.V.A. booth – and quite a few stopping to chat... At the carnival, The Gravitron, The Wheel of Fire, and The Zipper looked less threatening in the daylight but still far too scary for me to risk so the bumper cars were easily my carnival highlight once again... On the food and drink front - a huge portion of curly fires – about the size of a small child, and a few pints of Boont Amber from the A.V. Brewery – which some might say led me to act like a small child… 

       I spent a few hours in the afternoon at the A.V.A. booth during which time we were visited by many people and even sold several t-shirts, books, and newspapers subscriptions. Those visitors included… Supervisor McCowen who stopped by for a chat which was very polite of him… Supervisor Dan Hamburg who sheepishly waved but for some reason did not stop and chat, which was not very polite - perhaps because he spotted the threatening sight of A.V.A. Supremo Bruce Anderson and faithful sidekick, Mark Scaramella, both sitting alongside me… Later in the afternoon Pilar Duran insisted that Bruce and I joined her in the photo booth for some intimate shots… Tim Bates from The Apple Farm generously bought me a beer for the second year in succession – what a good man… Many Valley folks waved and said ‘Hi’ but then walked on, preferring to eat corn dogs, watch the Rodeo, and enjoy rides rather than listen to the wise words of the A.V.A. staff – Go figure?!... All told, I had a wonderful time and left with a 5” corn dog – which was delicious and had no after-affects!... Fair Manager Jim Brown’s gut feeling late on Sunday afternoon, before any actual numerical count had been taken, was that numbers were down a little overall once again this year, with Friday definitely down, Saturday slightly down, and Sunday perhaps up... Nevertheless, it seemed to me that everyone there was having a wonderful time and on their behalf may I be so bold as to thank all of those concerned for their hard work in putting together “The Best Little Fair in the West”... 

       Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #236 – The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital continue to make regular visits to the Valley and they return here tomorrow, Thursday, Sept 20, when they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm. If you are a previous client you can call them 48 hours in advance (462-8833) to ensure that your pet’s charts are brought ‘over the hill’ and also order any medications your pet might need. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #237 - Libby's Restaurant in Philo is having for the Elder Home on Sunday, September 30. There will be two seatings, at 5:00 and 7:00 pm, each serving a three-course meal, with tickets going for $30 per person, drinks to be purchased separately. Seating limited so pre-purchase your ticket at Libby's, All That Good Stuff, Lemon's Market in Philo, or call the EH at 895-3889… #238 – The Boonville Farmer’s Market continues to offer loads of local produce and goodies every Saturday morning in the Boonville Hotel parking lot from 10am to 12.30pm… 

       And that’s about it for this post-Fair week, but this allows me the opportunity to give you a list of some of the Valley’s regular monthly events… Every Tuesday and Saturday sees The A.V. Lending Library run by The Unity Club at The Fairgrounds - Tues 1.30pm – 4.30pm and Saturday 2pm – 4pm… Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday – The A.V Museum in the Little Red Schoolhouse is open from 1pm to 4pm... On Tuesday/Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday, the County Dump is open from 9am – 4pm each day… Every Tuesday and Thursday – Senior Center Lunch at 12.30pm, except on the 2nd Tuesday it’s Dinner and Bingo 6pm and 7pm, with the last (4th) Tuesday it’s dinner and games night starting at 6pm...

       I’m outta here… Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 324 - September 12th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well, I think I’ll start with my usual ‘speech’ about the upcoming County Fair…

       I’m sure I don’t have to remind anyone around these parts about this wonderful event but, for my thousands of readers around the World, this coming weekend (Friday 14th – Sunday 16th) will see Boonville once again host The Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show, or as it is commonly called – ‘The Best Little Fair in the West!’ All the usual events (Rodeo, Sheep Dog Trial, the Apple Bowl high school football game (but, inexcusably, no soccer!), live music with Dean Titus and The Coyote Cowboys, games, rides, etc, etc) will be taking place, plus the many exhibitions and displays that show off the County’s best livestock and agriculture, not to mention all the various talents in terms of arts, crafts, gardening, etc, etc that so many people in the county possess. With food and drink in plentiful supply and so many familiar faces to see, I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be there...

       Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #135 – In case you have just surfaced from your cave in the hills, and fell asleep during the paragraph above, the County Fair is this weekend – see you there… #136 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital return to the Valley next Thursday, Sept 20, when they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm. … #137 - An early heads-up for a benefit dinner that Libby's Restaurant in Philo is having for the Elder Home on Sunday, September 30. There will be two seatings, at 5:00 and 7:00 pm, each serving a three-course meal, with tickets going for $30 per person, drinks to be purchased separately. Seating limited so pre-purchase your ticket at Libby's, All That Good Stuff, Lemon's Market in Philo, or call the EH at 895-3889… 

       Moving quickly on to discussions this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...

... Here are some intriguing questions that were raised at The 3-Dot in the past few days about this weekend’s County Fair... Will the infamous “Large-breasted Boonville Flasher’ once again expose herself to County Sheriff Tom Allman as he rides in the Parade?... Will ‘King’ Ken Allen, former A.V. Brewery owner and last place finisher (with one vote) in the unofficial A.V. Mayor’s election a couple of years ago, show his face? If he does, will he then do his usual trick of pushing in at the front of the line for the Prather Dinner on Saturday night?... Is Pickles the Clown going to show up and scare lots of small children?... Will any local teenage girls run off with a Carny?... Will any local schoolboys run off and become a Carny?... Will the corn dogs be as good and as unhealthy as ever?... And most importantly, will I win the Carrion-Eating Contest for the sixth year in succession?... All this, and possibly more, will be revealed this coming weekend...

... At this point in our discussions I got up on my perch behind The 3-Dot bar and gave my annual pre-Fair speech to the assembled masses – “I would like to remind some of you, particularly the younger generation, that it is not all about the carnival rides and looking cool with your date – important though such pastimes certainly are. Try to also check out the various display halls of arts, crafts, agriculture, etc, along with the impressive livestock corrals, the traditional rodeo, and the always-exciting sheep dog trials. This Fair is a really unique event and one of a dying breed, so why not broaden your horizons and enjoy everything ‘The Best Little Fair in the West’ has to offer? In my humble opinion, that would be cool too. Trust me on this; you can thank me later”...

… Moving on… Several regulars at The 3-Dot were very excited to learn that the Pulled pork sandwich has returned to the menu at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. If there is a finer sandwich available in town I have yet to experience it and when served with those scrumptious French fries, then it’s – and you know what’s next – “a positively orgasmic experience”…

... Speaking of fine food experiences, the A.V. High School Ag Dept has their delicious, ‘real’ eggs for sale at $4.00/dozen… Call Beth in the Ag Classroom at 895-2514…

… I have attended 22 County Fairs which is a mere trifle compared to the number attended by Eva Holcomb who holds the all-time record for most Fairs attended – this will be her 75th, yes, seventy-five!!! She has not missed one since first attending as a four year old in 1938. Surely at this point Eva eats, drinks, and goes on as many rides as she likes – all for free! Hopefully the Fair Board is taking care of this…

... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports,

“This past weekend saw the annual Winesong Festival taking place both in the Valley and out on the coast. On Sunday afternoon the event featured open houses throughout the Valley and many wineries provided special wine and food pairings for their visitors to enjoy. I visited several of the venues involved and experienced some delicious tastings. My top three, in no particular order, would be the roasted pig and 2009 Pinot at Phillip’s Hill, the various sausage and mustard pairings with the 2010 Pinot at Balo, and the chardonnay/raspberry truffle chocolate fudge paired with the 2009 Uber Tuscan Sangiovese and Cabernet blend at Brutocao – superb! It all made for a terrific day out in the Valley - so why do I mention it here? Because for such a special and unique experience, filled with some top class wine and food pairings, the event was very poorly attended. Perhaps this was because it was on the weekend between Labor Day and the County Fair; maybe because it was the first day of the N.F.L. season; or the reason might have been that people simply cannot afford a whole weekend of wine drinking and couldn‘t attend the third day of this event having already taken part in the festivities on Friday and Saturday. I do not know. But if this event is even considered for cancellation, heaven forbid, then in my mind that would surely be a sign that the Apocalypse is fast approaching”…

       Well, now I think it’s time to take my leave and get to work on my carrion-guzzling technique for the Fair... So, until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?

# 323 - September 5th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I hope your Labor Day weekend was enjoyable and, while it symbolizes the end of summer for many Americans, and is celebrated with parties, parades and athletic events, hopefully many of you also remembered to take a moment to reflect on its real purpose as a celebration of the economic and social contributions of workers.

       With this in mind, for your Quote(s) of the Week, let’s start with British comedian and former Monty Python member, John Cleese, who in a serious moment said, “If you want creative workers give them enough time to play”… And what about this from Walter Gilbey (1935 - ?), a British politician and entrepreneur, who from experience commented, “The employer generally gets the employees he or she deserves”… And of course I have to include this classic from our almost weekly contributor to this section of the column, Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), the Irish writer, poet, and wit, who wisely observed, “Work is the curse of the drinking classes”…

       Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #235 – The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital continue to make regular visits to the Valley and they will be here twice in the month of September. Their first visit is tomorrow, Thursday, Sept 6 when they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and then again on Sept 20… #236 – Next week sees the second Tuesday of the month and that means ‘Dinner and Bingo Night’ at the Senior Center. That will be Sept 11 and dinner is served at 6pm with bingo immediately following… #237 – This month’s Chamber of Commerce Mixer is at the A.V. Historical Society’s Little Red Schoolhouse at 5.15pm on Wednesday, Sept 12. Call 895-2379 for further details…  #238 – I’m sure almost everyone must know, but just in case some cave-dwellers have not surfaced in recent weeks, the County Fair is taking place in Boonville over the weekend of Sept 14, 15, and 16… #239 – An early heads-up for an Elder Home benefit dinner at Libby's Restaurant in Philo on Sunday, September 30 – one for your calendar...

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering-place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...

... On a recount, the number of winery tasting rooms in Anderson Valley, between ‘downtown’ Yorkville and Navarro, was put at 29, not 27. Now, with the closure of the Standish Winery tasting room on Hwy 128, the current count of such businesses in the Valley slips to 28. However, I do believe, based on reliable information, that two more are on the way. Yes, folks, we’ll soon hit 30 and so, with drive-time included, on a 3-day weekend with 11am to 6pm opening hours on each day, you would have about 30 minutes in each one. Who wants to join me?...

… Following the compilation of the results from the 2010 census, new signs at each end of Philo depicting the town’s population and altitude have finally been installed. Regulars at The 3-Dot were shocked, and in some cases downright scared, that this new figure was 349. Philo’s population on the previous sign based on the 2000 Census had been 1098. This means that 749 people have ‘disappeared’ from Philo in ten years. Who or what is responsible for this? Aliens? Zombies? Angry Villagers? Pig-feeders? What is being done about it? Does anyone miss them? Is anyone looking for them? I think we should be told…

… Fellow A.V.A. contributor, Bruce McEwen, has left the Valley – for the time being at least. Certain people in the hospitality business may say, ‘Good riddance to bad rubbish’, and even some regulars at The 3-Dot may concur - but not me. BMac is/was a ‘character’ and one capable of fine banter at times. However, when the ‘demon drink’ took its hold he could turn quickly and become quite belligerent, rarely physically but certainly verbally. I wish him well and hope our paths will cross again at some point – one gambling man has already suggested he’ll be back in a week or so, his new domain Garberville being the home of too many of those rural hippies and p.c. extremists he would have little time for. The betting line has him back in the Valley in time for our usual shared stint together at the A.V.A. booth on the Sunday afternoon at the County Fair?! First one’s on me, Bruce...

... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “On my travels through the Valley recently I stopped by at a local store and witnessed the following interchange. A customer had just walked out forgetting a bag of his purchases and upon his return to collect this from the clearly amused cashier he sheepishly said, ‘And I’m not even stoned.’ The next customer in line, with a wide grin on her face, said ‘I’m not stoned either.’ At which point the cashier commented, “Well, neither am I.” Now while this is obviously not a sign of the Apocalypse’s approach, it is certainly a sign of our times and a undoubtedly an accurate slice of Valley life for some folks…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave. So, until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…