# 87 - November 28th, 2007

Greetings one and all, and I hope you’re keeping warm on these frosty nights. I’d say it was “colder than a witch’s t*t” but the few witches I have known have all been quite warm and cuddly, mentioning no names of course…Meanwhile, I have been away and so my contribution this week will be short but hopefully sweet…
Let’s get straight into the Turkey Vulture Quiz…Answers at the end…
1. What important job does Shorty Adams perform in The Valley?
2. Which winery was the first to plant Pinot Noir grapes in The Valley? A) Handley B) Husch C) Navarro
3. In which decade was what is now known as Lemons’ Market in Philo built? A) 1920’s B) 1930’s C) 1940’s

So how was your Thanksgiving? Oh, good, I’m glad you had a nice time…”What about Turkey Day at The Nest?” I hear you ask! Well, it was a wonderful affair that went strangely awry at one point. Having served myself a plateful of food – the usual Turkey leg and other assorted pieces of meat, along with potatoes, veggies, stuffing, and giblet gravy, I began to dig in. Twenty minutes later I was still eating. On finally finishing I was unable to move. I couldn’t understand why. I pride myself on being able to devour a plateful on Turkey Day. About two hours later, having being immobile for that whole time, I stirred myself to wash the dishes. It was then that I found the explanation. The plate I had used was huge. It was 13 inches wide, not the usual dinner plate size of 10 inches or so, and I had not realized this and filled it up anyway. I had therefore eaten about two portions and had paid the price. It was “very uncomfortable in a quite pleasant way” and I just thought you should know…Fascinating, eh?...
Now I have just a minute to share with you the latest correspondence from my biggest fan, ‘Confused of Comptche, California’, (by the way, those unaware should be informed that Comptche is at the far west end of The Valley and a few miles to the north)…”Dear Turkey Vulture, It has come to my attention that anyone naming their child should spend a few minutes checking rhyming slang and unusual sounding names. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie clearly failed to do this when naming their kid Shiloh Pitt. At some point, someone at school is going to spoonerize her name.”…I hear you “Confused” - I feel sorry for little Piloh already…
Be careful out there...Let us prey...
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or e-mail me at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net Quiz Answers…
1. Shorty is the long-time school bus driver.
2. B – Husch were the first to plant was in now the Valley’s most popular grape.
3. A – It was built in the 1920’s

# 86 - November 21st, 2007

Greetings one and all...I hope I find you well and about to enjoy what is, in my humble opinion, the best holiday of the year. Yes, good readers, Thanksgiving is clearly the most enjoyable, particularly if you are someone like me who enjoys eating and drinking to excess, with a little football thrown in for good measure, and no gift-giving hype beforehand. It’s the perfect day and I wish you all a very enjoyable one…With that in mind, this week’s Turkey Vulture Quiz is devoted to ‘Turkey Day’…Answers at the end…
1. How many people were aboard the Mayflower when it landed at
Plymouth Rock? a) 35 b) 88 c) 102
2. What color was ‘taboo’ to the new settlers and never worn?
a) Red b) Blue c) Purple d) Orange
3. How much food at the first Thanksgiving held by the Pilgrims was from supplies brought from England?
a) None b) Some dry crackers c) Flour and salt d) All of it
4. What is America’s favorite dessert on Thanksgiving?
a) Sweet Potato Pie b) Pecan Pie c) Pumpkin Pie

Now on to yet another argument against ‘Tit’ (‘Television is Trash’) Talk…Once again H.B.O. (which claims correctly that “it is not T.V.”) showed what an invigorating experience sitting in front of a television can actually be if you pick the right channels. I watched “Real Time” with host Bill Maher the other day and his brief interview with former World Chess Champion, Gary Kasparov, was fascinating. Kasparov is currently the ‘opposition’ leader in Russia, if there is such a thing under Vladimir Putin’s oppressive regime, and he was quite brilliant. Listening to a politician who can think on his feet, answer questions precisely and with substance, and also throw in some wit and insights, all in his second language, was most refreshing…He was followed on the program by John Edwards, arguably the best this country can offer in these terms amongst those running for President. He was good but he’s no Kasparov…
Following this program I flicked through a couple of channels before landing on a program that was about the Irish dance phenomenon, Riverdance, starring the light-on-his-feet Michael Flattley and tens of red-faced, often freckled, young Irish women. Riverdance, for those unaware, is a style of dancing that involves much movement of the lower extremities and very little of the upper – sort of tap-dancing for the armless. It is no doubt very skilful, but most odd, and after a few minutes I was bored and thought, “this is what happens when you isolate white people on an island for a thousand years!”…
Moving swiftly on…Here’s the latest contribution to my mailbox from my biggest fan - ‘Confused of Comptche, California’…”Dear Turkey Vulture, I read with interest that the U.S Air Force has decided to replace the nude paintings of popular topless models on the side of their bombers with plain silhouettes for fear of offending the thousands of Muslims they are currently bombing the s*** out of. I wholeheartedly applaud this display of sensitivity to another culture”…I couldn’t agree more…
I am reliably informed that last week’s I.C.W. (Independent Career Women) meeting was the best-attended gathering for this group in years. This group, apart from it’s monthly meetings for dinner and a post-meal ‘lecture’, give an annual scholarship to the most deserving High Scholl senior girl…It wasn’t that long ago when it was quite common for just fifteen to twenty members to show up but, with a surge in membership over the past year or two, many of whom are in their thirties, forties, and fifties, now joining the loyal and intrepid seniors who have been the group’s mainstay for a long time, and under the guidance of Chairwoman Mary Pat Palmer, Secretary Terry Ryder, and Treasurer Arlene Bloom, they get upwards of fifty in attendance…Who knows, perhaps I will be invited to attend their Christmas Party – surely there can’t be many more interesting ‘crews’ to hang with and this is clearly a hot ticket!
Another ‘hot ticket’, at any time, is a band featuring Pilar Duran, Kevin Owens, Rod DeWitt, and Raul Duran. The first three have been playing together for nearly thirty years in one form or another, and when they played at The Ox in Boonville on Saturday night, as The Rock Slingers, they were as good as ever. At one point, following a superb guitar solo by Pilar during their cover of “Free Bird”, originally by Lynyrd Skynyrd, long-time bartender Todd Capuzelo commented, “that’s the best guitar solo ever heard in this building.” He may well have been right…
Finally this week, I was very pleased to be able to attend the end-of-season party for the Boys Soccer team on Sunday afternoon at the High School cafeteria. Many of the player’s mothers had prepared a delicious “Fiesta Mexicana” and the players, their families, and numerous friends and fans, all had a wonderful time. The afternoon was capped off by Coach Smith’s brief speech honoring this season’s seniors, the first such group to win three League Championships in succession. ”Well done” to all concerned…
On a more serious note, with Jesse recovering from his injuries suffered in Iraq, allow me to pass on the best wishes of many in The Valley to the Slotte Family at this difficult time…
May I suggest that you think good thoughts and, on this wonderful holiday, eat, drink, be merry, and try to give a thought for those less fortunate…Be careful out there...
Let us prey...Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture….. You can contact me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or e-mail me at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net Quiz Answers…
1. c) There were 102 people who landed; two had died on the journey…
2. c) Purple – the color worn by British royalty – the people they were trying desperately to get away from…
3. a) None – Is this the first ‘dissing’ (‘disrespecting’, for those not up with the current lingo) of English food on record?
4. b) Pecan Pie is the most popular, although I prefer Squished Squirrel Pie myself…

# 85 - November 14th, 2007

Greetings one and all!...Apart from a few rain showers here and there, we seem to be enjoying a quite beautiful fall and that means even curmudgeonly Turkey Vultures like myself are in good moods. I hope you are too…Let’s get the Quiz done first...(answers at the end)…
1.What road joins Hwy 128 at the 18-mile marker?
2. Who is the person that started Navarro Vineyards in the early seventies and still presides over the winery’s operations to this day?
3. After World War 2, immigrants who arrived in The Valley were predominantly from two states. Which ones?
Now on to the Quote of the Week: “Every murderer is probably somebody’s old friend” - Agatha Christie…You gotta like that!...
And now a little ‘Jive Turkey’ just to make your day…We Turkey Vultures are, on average, two and a half feet tall with a wingspan of six feet. Pretty imposing creatures, wouldn’t you say? And you do not want to upset us because if we feel harassed or are disturbed in some way, we will simply throw up on you. It’s as simple as that. Even our youngsters will do this…You have been warned!
Moving on to matters almost as important as the Jive Turkey…It’s The Wine of the Week…Hummingbird knows that the way to a Turkey Vulture’s heart is through his stomach, so last Monday, when I returned to The Nest after an invigorating day of observing you all going about your business in the Valley, she served up a delicious chocolate pie. Not one she had made, I must add, but a “Mrs. Smith’s” pie-in-a-box she had bought at Lemon’s Market in Philo. Not gourmet stuff admittedly but on this occasion it was excellent when devoured with a glass of Port from the Meyer Family Cellars. The winery is a few miles south of Boonville on Hwy 128 and Matt and Karen Meyers, along with their wonderful staff, do a great job with their Port, and their Syrah for that matter. In fact the Port, when served with the right food – and what can be better than chocolate cake? - is almost orgasmic...Yes, I said it, “orgasmic”...Try it and see what happens…
Moving quickly on to The Whine of the Week…When are we going to get another Sheriff in our Valley?? As someone who is out and about more than most in downtown Boonville, I am amazed at the “bad-ass craziness” that is going on at this time. Apart from the twenty-somethings hanging around looking menacing, we have drunks staggering about annoying passers-by with their gibberish, and mischievous young drivers putting the pedal to the metal with careless abandon in the heart of town…Then there are the wine-addled tourists in their ridiculously large R.V.’s, not even bothering to stop when a school bus is unloading, before parking incorrectly in places where parallel parking is not the way it’s done, and then waddling around the shops in their leisure outfits as if they own the place.
Not to mention the weekend “bikers” (those who wear suits and ties from Monday to Friday) in their pristine, ill-fitting leathers, revving their engines so loudly that you cannot hold a conversation within 100 feet of them as they peel out dangerously on to the highway, in a pathetic attempt at being “rebellious”. Hummingbird has a theory that these were the kids at school who were never allowed in to ‘gangs’, or are perhaps they are those who were picked on or bullied. Either way, they are now in a ‘gang’ and milking it for all it’s worth, normally in a tame yet irritating way but one day a serious traffic accident may occur as a result of their posturing. Aaaarrrggghhh! And no cop anywhere to see any of this and give some sense of order!...It’s like the Wild West out there and, though it’s only my humble opinion of course, unless we get another lawman appointed soon then something serious is going to happen…

Talking of lawlessness, how about this for an actual exchange heard in court recently…
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
After a brief pause, Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law…

I zoomed down to San Francisco on Sunday and attended the Festival of Remembrance at Grace Cathedral to honor veterans and those who have given their lives in wars so that others can enjoy the freedoms that we have today. It was a wonderful service with poignant words, beautiful hymns, and, at the climax, with the Scottish pipers playing “Amazing Grace”, thousands of poppies (the flower that symbolizes the futility of World War One in particular) were released from the rafters and as they fell on to the congregation of perhaps five hundred people, many were moved to tears.
The ceremony then finished with the reading of The Remembrance from Laurence Binyon’s “For the Fallen”, written in 1924:
“They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not whither them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
We will remember them.
To my knowledge, and I have researched this, there is no service to commemorate Veterans’ day in this area. That’s really too bad…

On that note, it’s time to go…The roads are tricky so be careful out there and try to stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you…Now I must go, but first - let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture (the next “Sheriff” of A.V.? – “You know it makes sense”)…..
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. That would be Nash Mill Road – or as it is sometimes called, “We get all kinds up here” Way…
2. Ted Bennett - these days very ably assisted by daughter Sarah, amongst many others of course…
3. Arkansas and Oklahoma…To quote Okie Billy Owens when he tells someone he is from Oklahoma and they ask, “Which part?”…He replies, “All of me!”…

# 84 - November 7th, 2007

Greetings one and all…and a very Happy November to you all!…With little time available this week, I’ll just do the Turkey Vulture Quiz and a little Jive Turkey …Here’s the Quiz…
1. What is the elevation of Philo – remember they’re no High Rollers (Yorkville is at 950 feet) down there in Poleekoville…
2. On December 26th, 1987, what new business opened in the heart of Boonville?
3. Who is the current “Grand Master” of the Valley’s Grange?
Quote of the Week…”He’d be sharper than a serpent’s tooth if he wasn’t as dull as ditch water” – Charles Dickens…I sincerely hope that nobody thinks this is in someway connected to them…
Jive Turkey…In the early morning hours you may see me sunbathing in a tree or at the top of a PG&E pole with my wings spread out. I do this to increase my body temperature after the cool night…and also to pose naked for all to see…
I’ll be back next week in full swing…But in the meantime, “let us prey”…
Be careful out there…Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your requests for Apologies, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or by e-mail at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. Philo is officially 290 feet above sea level…
2. The Anderson Valley Brewery and Buckhorn Saloon opened twenty years ago this Xmas!…
3. The ‘Supremo’ at The Grange is David Norfleet, coincidentally, one of the founders of the Brewery…