# 491 - 30th December, 2015

    Greetings one and all. Are you are sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin… Hopefully you are enjoying the spirit of the Holidays and may I take this opportunity for Hummingbird and I to wish you and yours the very best of health and happiness for 2016… O.K. - well that’s enough sloppy sentimentality for any Turkey Vulture to express, so let’s move swiftly on with a few insights and hard facts as to what is going on in the world, ‘out there’ beyond them there hills…
    But just before that, with all the excesses of the holiday season abundant around me, I have inevitably come to the conclusion, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for ‘New Yorker’ magazine, that almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening”. So, with the dawn of a New Year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2016 – “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television” – difficult to argue with that, I’d say; even if you are one of those Valley folks who never misses a chance to tell others that you don’t have a television…

    Now for a few end-of-year statistics that I have gleaned from perhaps the most objective source I know - The Economist magazine… “Spending reflects stereotypes, according to Eurostat’s household expenditure data: Russians splash 8% of their money on booze and cigarettes—far more than people in most rich countries—while fun-loving Australians spend a tenth of theirs on recreation, and ambitious South Koreans splurge more than most on education. In America health care (predominantly private) eats up over 20% of each household’s budget, whereas households in Europe, where public health care is widespread, spend only 4%. In Russia, government-subsidised housing and heating make living cheaper, leaving money to spend on the ‘jollier’ things in life…”
    Melbourne, Australia, remains the world’s most ‘liveable’ city, according to the 2015 Global Liveability Ranking from the Economist Intelligence Unit. “Considering 30 factors relating to safety, health care, educational, infrastructure and the environment in 140 cities, it shows that since 2010 average “liveability” across the world has fallen by 1%, led by a 2.2% fall in the score for stability and safety. The most pleasant places, notes the EIU, tend to be ‘mid-sized cities in wealthier countries with a relatively low population density’, which explains the low ranking of big cities like London and New York—and goes some way to explaining Melbourne’s continued place in the sun.”
    Many countries have given up capital punishment: 101 had abolished it by July 2015, says Amnesty International, up from 59 in 1995. Some may be getting less keen: in America—the only rich country other than Japan still practising the death penalty—28 prisoners have been executed this year, the fewest since 1991. Yet plenty of enthusiasts remain, as we well know. The Economist writes, “The global toll is unknown, because thousands are believed to be executed annually in China, where official figures are a state secret and there are 55 capital crimes, including corruption and drug offences. The war on drugs is eagerly waged elsewhere too, accounting for half the executions in Iran and Saudi Arabia; Indonesia reinstated the death penalty for drug crimes in 2015. Pakistan reversed a moratorium on executions last December, after the massacre of 149 people, including 132 children, at a school. Since then over 300 prisoners have been put to death, by no means all for terrorist crimes…”
    And finally - Tu casa es mi casa: Hispanic America… “In 1970 America’s Hispanic population was 7m. Today it is 57m. By mid-century it will double again; one in four Americans will be of Latino descent. America has seen proportionally larger migrations before. But the Hispanics’ rise is different. Never has such a large group lived so close to their ancestral homelands. And America is entering an era of white decline. By 2044 whites of European descent will make up less than half the population. That brings both challenges and opportunities. Today’s Hispanics are poorer and less educated than whites. But they are strikingly young, lowering the median age and offering to fill the labour market when other rich countries are greying. Politicians too often discuss Hispanics merely as victims or villains of immigration. But five-sixths are legal residents and recent growth has been mostly from births, not migration. Hispanics’ political clout will only grow: nearly 1m reach voting age annually”… Of course, here in the Valley, we already have an approximate 50-50 split, with the Elementary School showing close to an 80% Hispanic presence amongst the students. At this point, the ongoing integration of Valley folks and their cultures is seen on many levels in all aspects of Valley life and, despite the scaremongering and sometimes hate-filled rhetoric by certain people in this country, this mixture seems to be working perfectly fine to me in this part of the world…

    Well, on that more positive note, perhaps I should quit while I am ahead - before I get back to more distressing realities of the real world out there, way beyond the bucolic bubble that is Anderson Valley. So, let’s turn to the the home comforts such as this week’s Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #542 - From Crab Feed Central: I can confirm that, with the Senior Center event being cancelled, there will be just one Crab Feed this year in the Valley. That will be ‘The Original Crab Feed’ presented by the indefatigable Gloria Ross and her team of volunteers who will be holding their event on Saturday, February 6 at The Apple Hall in Boonville. Tickets are $45 and will be available in the next week. There will be 300 for sale and these will definitely sell out. I shall keep you updated you on any further developments… #543 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital have two visits to the Valley coming up next month. They will be at the Anderson Valley Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo, on January 14 and 21… #544 - Need a burn permit? From 11am to 3pm on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays you can get one from the Firehouse in Boonville. Call 895-2020 for more information or stop by - you will be efficiently served with a smile - trust me on this… #545 - The Boonville Farmers’ Market continues every Saturday at its winter venue, outside The Boonville General Store, from 10am-12:30 pm. For more info call Cindy at 895-2949… #546 - The A.V. Lending Library, run by The Unity Club, is open at The Fairgrounds on Tuesdays 1.30-4.30pm and Saturdays 2-4pm… #547 - The County Dump is open from 9am-4pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. Remember, no dead animals!  The number for the Dump is 895-3569 and checking first to see that they are open is probably well worth the small effort. F.Y.I., the Recycling Center in Boonville at The Fairgrounds’ parking lot is open Wednesday-Saturday, 9-4pm (489-2033)… #548 - Following the Holiday break, the Senior Center will re-open for lunch on Tuesday, January 5, 2016. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners. Next Tuesday, January 5, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be the always delicious Meat Loaf with Mashed potatoes and gravy, with Birthday Cupcakes for dessert… All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. What a deal - it maybe the best $7 you’ll spend all week!  Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there… 

    Well, even Turkey Vultures need to take a break for quality family time and so that’s all for now, besides I do have to see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again, which will be next year – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; show love to your pets; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - saddened but ultimately comforted in the knowledge that the old hare has safely moved to his new burrow in the sky…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well… Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?… Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!

# 490 - 23rd December, 2015

    Greetings one and all. Are you are sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin… Merry/Happy Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai/Holidays or whatever, and I hope you are coping with all of the razzamatazz, hype, and pressure that this event smothers so many of us with. Every year it seems to get more frantic. However, up here at The Nest we plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, as I have mentioned a number of times previously, let’s be honest, ultimately this whole celebration is only really for a couple of groups of people. As a result of spending many years in San Francisco as the only straight fellow on a construction crew of five, the rest of whom became good friends before all dying with AIDS over a five year period, I feel that I can state with a degree of authority that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men - they certainly have the best Xmas parties. The other group is children, for all the obvious reasons, which I fully understand. Not that there is anything wrong with any of this of course -  I just don’t belong to either group anymore!?!…. Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good…

    Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #544 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital have no more visits this month but they will be at the Anderson Valley Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo, on two occasions next month -  January 14 and 21… #545 - Here’s a heads-up on the fact that the hours of business for the Valley’s two post offices on December 24 will be from 8.30am to 12 noon, and for some inexplicable reason they will both be closed all day on December 25… #546 - There is a fantastic opportunity to learn polyrhythms and dances of Guinea W. Africa from Amadou Camara, master drummer and gifted teacher and Mariah Soumah, previously with the National Ballet and Guinea Circus. The classes are weekly at The Grange on Tuesdays, except the third Tuesday of each month. The Drum class is 6-7pm $15, the Dance 7-8:30pm for $12; $20 if you do both… #547 - The A.V Museum is open every Saturday and Sunday, from 1-4pm. Situated in The Little Red Schoolhouse next to the Elementary School on A.V. Way, this is a perfect thing to do in the Valley when you have a couple of hours spare on a weekend afternoon. It is not without reason that it is generally regarded as ‘The Best Little Museum in the West’…
    As a bonus P.S.A. in this spot I normally present the Community lunches and dinners that will be served over the next week in The Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. However, due to the holidays, The Center will be closed for lunch/dinner through Monday, January 4, 2016.  They will re-open for lunch on Tuesday, January 5, 2016…
    Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (yet surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a somewhat secret location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in Anderson Valley and often far beyond, and where we subscribe to the Winston Churchill philosophy that “A lie will get halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its pants”… So, with that in mind, I shall quickly put my pants on and continue…
… Update from Crab Feed Central… Disappointment abounds - The Senior Center has cancelled their Crab Feed. This was scheduled for Saturday, January 16 and the decision to call off the event was made for reasons that were not explicitly explained to me other than that they ‘hoped the crab would be better next year.’ I was told this disappointing news late on the day that the newspaper went to print last week so this column, extolling the fact that there would be two Feeds, was already in print when I heard, and so no doubt many folks have been calling the Senior Center over the past week to get tickets that are not available… The good news is that there is excellent crab available and the intrepid Gloria Ross has tracked it down for the other Crab Feed - the original one - the one that benefits the Catholic Church. This will take place on Saturday, February 6 as planned. This is obviously excellent news, and she will have tickets available very soon - $45 for all ages. I shall keep you posted on any new information on this not-to-be-missed occasion…
… Several Three-Dot regulars have commented on what a lovely event the annual Christmas Carol Sing-a-long at Lauren’s Restaurant was. This featured a gathering of about thirty folks who belted out all the classics in fine style accompanied by pianist Lynn Archambault. Even a curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture like myself was beaming with joy (well smiling with contentment at least), although that may have been due more to the afterglow from the delicious Hot Turkey sandwich and mashed potatoes with a Chocolate Brownie Sundae for dessert, washed down with a couple of cups hot mulled wine…
... Not for the first time around here, and not for the last I’m sure, the conversation at The Three-Dot turned to the ‘luminaries’ who live here in the Valley. After skipping quite quickly through names of current residents (in some cases part-time) such as the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Alice Walker (‘The Color Purple’), accomplished actor Rene Auberjonois, and Nobel Laureate Cary Mullis, inevitably the less celebrated, but perhaps equally famous or rather infamous, names of those who at one point lived here were discussed in greater depth. Many readers not from this area may not be aware of this but I am reliably informed that the list includes convicted killer Charles Manson (of the Manson Family) who lived in a cabin on Gschwend Road in the Christine Woods region during the early 1960s; Jim Jones of People’s Temple fame and a member of the A.V.H.S. faculty in the late sixties; convicted sex offender and kidnapper Kenneth Parnell, resident of Mountain View Road in the early seventies; serial killer Charles Lake, commune-dweller in Philo in the early eighties (just before embarking on his diabolical murder spree with Charles Ng in Calaveras County); and ‘Tree Frog’ Johnson, formerly of Boonville in the seventies, another infamous child abductor/abuser... I mention this because it is a topic that is quite often discussed around here and I certainly do not wish to make light of it. Obviously these days the Valley is an exceptionally friendly, harmonious, and community-minded place to live. However, these former ‘Valley People’, the perpetrators of some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, all once lived here and that fact is a small but unique part of the Valley’s history, albeit in a way that some choose to ignore. I’m sure, for example, that this information does not appear in the Chamber of Commerce’s literature when it really might be of interest to many - ‘Tours of Evil People’s Homes’ anyone?…

    Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? – I’ll get my coat and leave shall I?... That’s fine - I’ve got see a man about a sheep anyway… So, until we talk again – Have a wonderful Christmas and beyond; ’Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; be kind and show love to your pets; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - saddened but ultimately comforted in the knowledge that the old hare has safely moved to his new burrow in the sky…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?… Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!… Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

# 489 - 16th December, 2015

Greetings one and all. Are you are sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin… As I write, on a cold, wet, and windy Sunday morning, the power is out at The Nest in the hills above the Christine Woods region, and possibly the whole Valley for all I know. This happens a lot less frequently in recent years but, now that it has, I am somewhat at a loss as to how I will get to do so many of the things I take for granted, not to mention that with the internet out and a spotty cell phone service up here I am virtually incommunicado with the outside world. Not a bad thing at times of course, but right now these technical difficulties are a little inconvenient…
    So with that in mind let’s have the topic of technology for the focus of the Quotes of the Week - taken from times when today’s advances could not even be dreamed of… Let’s begin with the classic from the Canadian philosopher Marshall McLuhan who among many things predicted the World Wide Web some thirty years before it was invented, and who said “The new electronic interdependence recreates the world in the image of a global village”… Science fiction writer and much more, Arthur C. Clarke, remarked, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”… Here’s a prophetic comment from Henry Ford II, grandson of the original Henry and boss at Ford Motors for 35 years, who observed, “The technological triumphs of the past few years have not solved as many problems as we thought they would, and, in fact, have bought us new problems we did not foresee”… And let’s finish with an anonymous comment that would suggest we have taken a backward step with the technological developments we have seen, “Technology is the science of arranging life so that one need not experience it” - in many ways I have to agree with this sadly accurate viewpoint…

    Onward… Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #543 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be visiting the Valley on just one more occasion this year - that’s tomorrow, Thursday, December 17 at the Anderson Valley Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo. and to avoid a line perhaps go around 3pm - you will definitely be seen. New customers and their pets are always welcome and previous visitors should be aware that they can call 462-8833 and the vets will bring your pet’s charts with them - making this an even better service than it already is! They will make two visits in January - on the 14th and 21st… #544 - Need a burn permit? From 11am to 3pm on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays you can get one from the Firehouse in Boonville. Call 895-2020 for more information or stop by - you will be efficiently served with a smile - trust me on this… #545 - The Boonville Farmers’ Market continues every Saturday at its winter venue, outside The Boonville General Store, from 10am-12:30 pm. For more info call Cindy at 895-2949… #546 - The A.V. Lending Library, run by The Unity Club, is open at The Fairgrounds on Tuesdays 1.30-4.30pm and Saturdays 2-4pm… #547 - The County Dump is open from 9am-4pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. Remember, no dead animals!  The number for the Dump is 895-3569 and checking first to see that they are open is probably well worth the small effort. F.Y.I., the Recycling Center in Boonville is open Wednesday-Saturday, 9-4pm (489-2033)… #548 - There’s Karaoke at The Buckhorn this evening - Wednesday, December 16. The show is hosted by Sarah Songbird Larkin of The Real Sarahs and it runs from 9pm until close… #549 - Here’s a heads-up on the fact that the Philo Post office hours on December 24 will be from 8.30am to 12 noon, and for some inexplicable reason they will be closed all day on December 25. The Boonville Post Office may well be the same but I forgot to check… #550 - And finally this week, here is a message I want to pass on from long-time Valley resident and top A.V. Historian, Pat Hulbert, who writes, “I just got back into town...Been down in Redwood City with my sister, getting some radiation treatments… Can you put this in your column, please? Candle Light Service at the Philo United Methodist Church on December 24th at 6:30pm...Social Hour to follow Service...All Welcome.’ Thanks Turkey Vulture...Great to be back home...Pat H”… It is done, and welcome home, Pat…
   
    As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the final Community lunch of 2015 in the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors. Tomorrow, Thursday, December 17, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be Smothered Steak with Apple Pie Bars for dessert and includes vegetables, salad bar and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. What a deal - it maybe the best $7 you’ll spend all week!  Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome!… The Senior Center will be closed for lunch/dinner from Friday, December 18, 2015 through Monday, January 4, 2016.  They will re-open for lunch on Tuesday, January 5, 2016…

    Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (yet surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a somewhat secret location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in Anderson Valley and often far beyond…
… Update from Crab Feed Central… Excellent news - there will be crab!… The previous concerns over the availability of these delicious decapod crustaceans have been alleviated and both of the Valley’s Crab Feeds, arguably a couple of the best Valley gatherings of the year, will take place as originally revealed here a few weeks ago… These events always sell out thus leaving many folks disappointed so I encourage you to get your tickets early. With this in mind, here are the confirmed dates: the Senior Center Feed is on Saturday, January 16 and tickets are now on sale - give Gina a call at the Senior Center at 895-3609; and Gloria Ross’s Catholic Church Feed will take place three weeks later, on Saturday, February 6, with tickets becoming available in the near future. I shall keep you posted on any new information on both of these not-to-be-missed occasions…
… Want a special treat over the holidays? Then I humbly suggest that you take the time to sit down and watch the classic Christmas movie ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ with your loved ones… Although I have seen it many, many times by now (like many of you folks no doubt), it never fails to raise my spirits and helps me to appreciate so many of the things that I take for granted. It is, quite simply, one of the best films ever made, and surely strikes a chord with even the most curmudgeonly of Valley folks and Turkey Vultures, and perhaps even the most self-absorbed of young people too…
… The Christmas Parties keep coming, and each one of the following has been a joy to attend - the A.V. Fire Department’s at Wellspring; the Independent Career Women’s (ICW’s) at The Buckhorn - yes, the males of the species were invited; an exclusive Book Club’s gathering at a venue that cannot be divulged; and, coming up soon, the A.V. Lions’ extravaganza at The Senior Center catered by Chef Maria, formerly of Coq au Vin… The annual Christmas Tree Lighting in the Hotel parking lot was ok. I was there outside only briefly but long enough for one somewhat disappointed observer to remark, “Same old lights, I see - but still better than a poke in the eye”… Apart from that, for many of us, these gatherings with friends and loved ones are by far the best aspect of the Christmas holiday period; certainly better than dealing with all the hype, stress, and gift-buying in the wind and rain - none of which I actually do deal with anymore incidentally…
… A couple of weeks ago, I enjoyed the heart-warming sight of one of the leading winemakers in Anderson Valley sipping a smooth pint of Guinness on a Sunday afternoon in The Buckhorn. A  person no doubt experienced in many of the finer things in life and obviously enjoying one more…
… And continuing on that theme, I also spotted, and shared a few beers with, a number of our local schoolteachers who were celebrating the end of the semester in what was a fine adherence to the very civilized pastime of relaxing and socializing with friends after a job well done… Good for them, I say…
… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “I do believe that it is written in the Constitution that when toast is served with a traditional American breakfast, two pieces are to be provided… No Amendment has been made to my knowledge. One slice is obviously just not right if the meal is to be devoured completely and the consequential message of appreciation and fulfillment is to be sent to the cook and server. Let’s not allow this alarming thought go any further - it would be a very significant sign that the Apocalypse is Approaching…”

    Well now I think it’s time to take my leave as I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So “please take me drunk, I’m home”… And until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; be kind and show love to your pets; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird… Missing the Venerable Pheasant everyday… On the sheep, Grace…

# 488 - 9th December, 2015

 Greetings one and all. Are you are sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin…
    What is surely an important yet too often ignored fact about life is death. So many of us put off much needed decision-making on this topic until it becomes a necessity, and at that point the ideal situations and resolutions for each for us may be difficult to come by. Here in the Valley we have a group of folks who are trying to help with this. Lauren Keating of Lauren’s Restaurant shared details of ongoing monthly meetings at her restaurant, at which many of the questions surrounding the complexities of later life are explored.  “We’ve called our gatherings ‘Preparation for the Rest of our Lives - a group discussion of life and end-of-life.’ The next meeting is Sunday, December 13, from 4pm to 5:30pm and we also will be focusing on Hospice care at this meeting. In the near future we plan to look at all the resources that are currently available in the Valley, and hope to have representatives from each come to speak.  Each monthly session will provide information on a specific topic and will consist of informal conversations about the challenging issues we’re considering.  Future topics include green burials and home funerals, in-home support, how to talk with family and friends about end of life issues, and creating joy as we age.”   Lauren can be reached at 895-2606 for further information. Although not an uplifting topic, there are not many that are more important, and surely this is something all of those in the final third of their lives should probably be thinking about…

    On the brighter side, for your Quotes of the Week here are some comments from smart minds about the lighter side of death… First let’s hear from Mark Twain who remarked, “Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry”… And then there is this from tv social and political commentator, Andy Rooney, “Death is a distant rumor to the young”… Woody Allen typically observed, “It’s not that I am afraid to die, I just don’t want be there when it happens”… It was novelist W. Somerset Maugham who said, “Death is such a dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it”… And turning away from the more humorous side, these final two poignant quotes sum up the end-of-life experience as well as any… First, from German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, we have, “One should die proudly, when it is no longer possible to live proudly”… And let’s finish with the English proverb that is hard to dispute on any level - “Death always comes too early or too late”…

    Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #544 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be visiting the Valley on one more occasion this month - that’s Thursday, December 17 at the Anderson Valley Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo… #545 - The Mendocino Bookmobile returns to the Valley on Tuesday, December 15. They are here on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Navarro Store 9am (for just 30 minutes); the Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Phone 463-4694 for further details… #546 - The A.V Museum is open every Saturday and Sunday, from 1-4pm. Situated in The Little Red Schoolhouse next to the Elementary School on A.V. Way, this is a perfect thing to do in the Valley when you have a couple of hours spare on a weekend afternoon. It is not without reason that it is generally regarded as ‘The Best Little Museum in the West’… #547 - There’s Karaoke at The Buckhorn a week from today - Wednesday, December 16. The show is hosted by Sarah Songbird Larkin of The Real Sarahs and it runs from 9pm until close… #548 - The Food Bank is open on the 3rd Tuesday, November 15 - gardeners, farmers and produce growers of all kinds, remember to donate your extra produce. It will be greatly appreciated. Please drop off on the Monday before, behind the Boonville Methodist Church.  If you need someone to glean your produce to take to the Food Bank, contact Valerie Kim at valerie.h.kim@gmail.com. Denisse Mattei is the Food Bank director. You can reach her at 895-3763… #549 - I am led to believe that the ‘Second Wednesday Drumming Circle’ will be taking place at The Grange tonight, Wednesday, December 9 from 7-9pm. To confirm, perhaps call Andy at 895-3020…

    As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week in the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, December 10, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be Cashew Chicken, with Coconut Cake for dessert… Then, next Tuesday, December 15, the lunch will feature Lemon Cod and then Lemon Squares for dessert. All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. What a deal - it maybe the best $7 you’ll spend all week!  Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there… 

    Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (yet surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a somewhat secret location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in Anderson Valley and often far beyond…
… A couple of weeks ago I shared with you, my loyal readers, Leonard Cohen’s ‘The Stages’, a song that lists the stages that men go through with regards to the changing levels of their attractiveness to the opposite sex. These were, in order, irresistible, resistible, invisible, transparent (not exactly invisible but as if you are seen through old plastic), repulsive, and finally cute - pretty accurate, I’d say… Now I have come up with my own list of the opposite point of view - the stages women go through in the sense of their changing ways of attractiveness to men over the years… These would arguably be: irritating, preoccupying, seductive, intriguing, pragmatic, not-to-be-messed-with… Just my humble opinion of course…
… So the A.V.A. hierarchy are moving into new headquarters just down the street from their/our current location. They have bought the property next door to the Redwood Drive-In and they are currently “developing” the site. This will no doubt result in a new luxurious newspaper office, a bronze statue of Lenin placed prominently in the forecourt, and presumably some grandiose living quarters for the hard-working staff… I hope I am in their thoughts for a new Nest in town. After all, the A.V.A. powers-that-be profess to adhere to a socialist doctrine and an essential characteristic of socialism is the denial of individual property rights. As a result, what is theirs is ours too, and if they are to follow their principles, a new Nest is surely not too much to expect… At moments like this I do like to refer to a slogan I read somewhere, “All Happy - None Rich - None Poor”… Thank you, in anticipation…
… I am disappointed to report that I have no more news on the opening date of the almost mythological Bedraggled Pig restaurant at the Floodgate section of the Valley. So, we shall continue to remain in the dark as to whether or not at some point in my lifetime they really will prove to be the ‘purveyors of gastronomical pleasantries’ they claim to be… I must say that at this point the delay is nothing short of bewildering and after this amount of time let’s hope it is worth the wait and teasing Facebook posts…
… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “The Anderson Valley Grange will not be having its regular ‘Second Sunday Pancake Breakfast’ this coming Saturday, December 13. No folks, instead, on that evening they will be hosting the annual Holiday/Community Dinner beginning at 5.30pm… Now in the past this event has not served alcohol, the reason being, according to my team of investigative reporters, that it is ‘a family event’… What a load of old bollocks. Surely it can still be such an event even if some of the adults partake of some wine or a beer or two with their meal - that is normal behavior despite what some narrow-minded and judgmental folks may think. Kids will not be shocked or traumatized. They see, hear, and read about far more disturbing things every day on their i-Phones… A number of Valley folks have not attended this gathering in recent years, not because they cannot go without their alcohol fix, but rather because they do not wish to be treated like naughty schoolchildren and have to sneak outside for a drink. Fortunately, this silly over-protectiveness, typical of our increasingly prevalent ‘nanny-state,’ has come to an end and The Grange decision-makers have decided to make a little money for their charitable cause by arranging for there to be wine and beer for sale… Well done! Common sense has prevailed and the Apocalypse has been offset for now…”… Thanks for your thoughts, Buzzard - I couldn’t agree more…
    Well now I think it’s time to take my leave - as you can probably guess, I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again, stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; be kind and show love to your pets; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace… Keep on humming, Hummingbird… Missing the Venerable Pheasant everyday…

# 487 - 2nd December, 2015

Greetings one and all. Are you are sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin… Like most self-respecting families all across the country, most of you were no doubt enjoying a delicious turkey for dinner last Thursday, but it would appear that Mr. and Mrs. Devil and the Devil Child had something else to eat - bastards!…

Talking of significant ‘feeds’, welcome to this update from Crab Feed Central…Here’s a heads-up on the two annual Valley Crab Feeds that will be taking place early in 2016, arguably a couple of the best Valley gatherings of the year. These events always sell out and leaving many folks disappointed so I encourage you to get your tickets early. With this in mind, however, due to the uncertain situation with the availability of crab, both events have informed me that changes may possibly be made in the prices, dates, and/or the menu when further discussions are held by the organizers of each function after January 1st… Nevertheless, at the current time, both are set to go ahead on these dates - the Senior Center Feed is on Saturday, January 16 - tickets are on sale, give Gina a call at the Senior Center at 895-3609; and Gloria Ross’s Catholic Church Feed will be three weeks later, on Saturday, February 6, with tickets not available at this time. I shall keep you posted on both of these not-to-be-missed occasions…

    Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #542 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be visiting the Valley tomorrow Thursday, December 3 and then again in two weeks on December 17 at the Anderson Valley Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo…#543 - This coming Saturday, December 5, sees the presentation of at the annual Holiday Bazaar by the Anderson Valley Unity Club at the Boonville Fairgrounds. This lovely event runs from 10am-4pm and features fresh evergreen arrangements, jewelry, candy (including See’s Candy For Sale by the Senior Center), books, crafts, home baked goods, jams, jellies, raffle prizes, holiday money wreath, lunch, pictures with Santa from 11am-1pm. Proceeds benefit high school scholarships, Anderson Valley library, and other community projects. More info from Liz at 895-2847… #544 - The monthly Barn Sale is taking place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville from 9am-3pm this coming Saturday and Sunday, December 5 and 6…… #545 - The Boonville Farmers’ Market continues every Saturday at its winter venue, outside The Boonville General Store, from 10am-12:30 pm. For more info call Cindy at 895-2949… #546 - The A.V. Lending Library, run by The Unity Club, is open at The Fairgrounds on Tuesdays 1.30-4.30pm and Saturdays 2-4pm… #547 - The County Dump is open from 9am-4pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. Remember, no dead animals!  The number for the Dump is 895-3569 and checking first to see that they are open is probably well worth the small effort. F.Y.I., the Recycling Center in Boonville is open Wednesday-Saturday, 9-4pm (489-2033)…
   
    As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches and dinners over the next week in the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, December 3, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be Chicken Alfredo with Triple Chocolate Dessert for dessert… Then, next Tuesday evening, December 8 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Lasagna, and Angel Lush Cake for dessert. Oh, and even though it is the second Tuesday, there will ben no Bingo this month… All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. What a deal - it maybe the best $7 you’ll spend all week!  Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…

    I am sorry to inform you that The Three-Dot Lounge is closed for  some recovery time from the excessive festivities held there over the Thanksgiving Day holiday weekend. As a result the column has little else to report this week… Please do not judge myself and the regular customers too harshly - after all, we know where you live…   
    Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? I guess I’ll get my coat and leave... That’s fine, I’ve got see a man about a sheep anyway… … So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - saddened but ultimately comforted in the knowledge that the old hare has safely moved to his new burrow in the sky…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred… p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!… Enjoying yourself too much yet, Round-eyed Robin?…