# 391 - January 29th, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Let’s get straight into some Shakespeare, the kind of high culture you expect when turning to this column in the first place… Here is the opening line from Macbeth… Witch 1: “When shall we three meet again; In thunder, lightning, or in rain?”… Well, fortunately for them, given our lack of such inclement weather, the three witches in Shakespeare’s play did not live around here or they would have had a long wait before meeting up again to discuss more prophesies. Too bad, I say, as in some productions of the famous ‘Scottish play’ they have been depicted as ‘hippies on drugs’ and would have settled well in these parts…      
       Feeling a little confused/concerned by the whole health insurance issue? You are no doubt not alone. Fortunately, our local health center has taken steps to help folks through this and you can receive the help and guidance you may need by giving them a call and arranging an appointment with our local Obama Care expert, Mitzi Wagner, formerly of the A.V. Teen Center. Mitzi has been trained, very well I might add, in how to make the Affordable Care Act work for anyone who wants to make use of her new skills and expertise. Taking along your most recent tax returns to the meeting will certainly help and Mitzi will use those and other information to facilitate the process for you as she makes this a relatively ‘painless’ experience. A number of folks have used this service with excellent results and I highly recommend it - call 895-3477 to set up an appointment with Mitzi…

         Onward… The second of the Valley’s annual Crab Feeds takes place this coming Saturday (February 1) at The Apple Hall in Boonville and it is sold out. This one benefits the Catholic Church but, let’s be honest, perhaps even more importantly to most it provides the kind of event – with the community sitting down to eat together - for local folks to get together and have a great time. It doesn’t get much more civilized than that! The two ‘feeds’ are arguably the biggest local community-based happenings in our busy social calendar, with the vast majority of the 350-plus who will be in attendance living here in the Valley and representing all walks of Valley life. It’s basically all-you-can-eat crab, so if you show a little ‘Greed at the Feed’ it is totally acceptable. In fact such behavior coupled with the sipping of a little wine, beer, and/or Margarita, and of course the stimulating social banter, all go to make this an event not to be missed… Enjoy and be responsible…    


       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #119 - The second ‘Ties to the Land’ gathering, organized by the A.V. Land Trust, is this Thursday, January 30 at The Fire House in Boonville. Call Shelly at 895-3150 for further details… #120 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm Supply on two occasions in February 2014 - Thursdays, Feb 6 and 20. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #121 - The Fruit Tree, Grafting, Seed, and Scion Exchange is at the Fairgrounds in Boonville on Saturday, Feb 1. It runs all day (9am-4pm) and is free. Call 895-3897 for details… #122 - The A.V. Alsace Varietals Festival takes place at The Fairgrounds on Saturday/Sunday, February 8/9, featuring open houses and seminars, winemaker dinners, and local foods. Call 895-9463 for further details… #123 - The Grange Pancake and Egg Breakfast returns in February - it is always on the 2nd Sunday which means on this occasion February 9 from 8.30am-11am; $10 per head. There is an ‘open mic’, which may add or detract from your dining experience - just letting you know… #124 - For those so inclined, the monthly Community Drum Session will return on Wednesday, February 12 at The Grange – contact Rob 3897 or Andy 3020 for further details… #125 - On Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Peculiar Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here for the same cause a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley, the profits from which will go to high school student scholarships, summer internships, and student and classroom grants. The event will feature a Happy Hour with drinks and appetizers at 7pm with the show following at 8pm. For advanced tickets ($25 adults; $10 Under 18), call Lanny at 895-2644 or Dick at 895-2561… #126 - And another ‘heads-up’ - The 23rd Annual Variety Show returns on Friday/Saturday, March 7/8. Call Bill at 895-2318 or David at 895-3580 for details. Captain Rainbow is otherwise disposed this year in his role as foreign correspondent for the A.V.A. - keep up the good work, Bob!…

        As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 30, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Tamale Loaf, Corn, Black Bean Salad, Tomato Salsa, Bulgur Salad, and Éclair Cake for dessert … Then next Tuesday, February 4, the menu will feature Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes w/ Gravy, Peas, Rolls, Quinoa Salad, with Birthday Cup Cakes for dessert… Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…


       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… In the last few days, the Valley has seen two well-attended gatherings of local folks to celebrate the lives of two popular residents. The passing of both Brian Blumberg and Regina Schwenter-Lipp were commemorated with loving reverence and lasting fondness and both will clearly be sadly missed by many…

… The General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz held at Lauren’s Restaurant is now on its spring schedule of 7pm on the 2nd and 4th Thursday of every month…

… Libby’s re-opened yesterday, Tuesday, January 28 and Aquarelle last Friday, January 24… I believe Stone and Embers re-opens its doors at the end of the month… Coq au Vin has its excellent locals’ nights on Thursdays and Mondays, regular dining on Friday and Saturday, but is closed on Sunday for one more week (Feb 2)…

… The Zina-Hyde Cunningham Tasting Room remains closed and apparently it will re-open as such in the spring - ‘But will it?’, some folks are thinking... When will Lula Winery tasting room open up at the end of Guntley Road?... What will go into the Claudia Springs tasting room in the Floodgate area… Is there going to be a new deli at the Pennyroyal Cheese Factory on the southern outskirts of downtown Boonville?...

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “The film industry is continuing its rapid decline when it comes to making movies that feature complex characters that require top quality acting skills along with stimulating plotlines that demand a modicum of intelligence from the viewing audience. When actors of the quality of Angelina Jolie, Liam Neeson, Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Christian Bale, etc, are involved in seen after scene of special effects, shootouts, and crashes, then you know there are fewer and fewer outlets for them to display their talents. However, over the last decade, as films get less demanding on the actors and audience alike, the scriptwriters have found a home, as so have a number of actors, in the form of HBO, Showtime, and AMC television channels. Those Valley folks who rerely miss the opportunity to share the fact that they do not have a television are actually missing out on some splendid entertainment as I have little doubt that some of the best writing and acting can now be seen on these channels, with shows such as The Wire, The Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sex and the City, Deadwood, Entourage, Rome, Six Feet Under, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Californication, Homeland, Game of Thrones, Nurse Jackie, Boardwalk Empire, Girls, Treme, True Blood, and even Downton Abbey on PBS, all providing viewers with the level of mental stimulation they used to expect from the movie-going experience. Meanwhile, the box office movie hits in the last year or two have been dominated by ‘action’ and adventure’ categories and include Iron Man 3, The Hunger Games 1 & 2, Despicable Me 2, Man of Steel, Frozen, Monsters University, Gravity, Fast and Furious 6, Marvel's The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Skyfall, The Amazing Spider-Man, and Men in Black 3… It is a worrying trend for the many film fans used to movies featuring edgy drama, developing interpersonal relationships, and intricate plotlines and, in my humble opinion, is just another example that the Apocalypse is rapidly approaching…”

       Well now I think it’s time for Buzzard and I to take our leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?

p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…

p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

# 390 - January 22nd, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Let’s begin with the bad news - Laughing Dog Books in the heart of Boonville is closing! Owner of our local bookstore, Loretta Houck, courteously informed me of her upsetting decision that is sad for both her and the community. If Borders Books and Barnes & Noble were either closing completely or cutting back, then I suppose it’s not surprising that a little in dependent book store in the Valley cannot survive, and yet I thought it would. I guess folks just don’t read actual books anymore, and I have little doubt that very few school kids do. It is too bad, and a depressing sign of the times. LDB was not just any old bookshop either, but a very well organized one, with an eclectic range of books and related items. Loretta and husband Dan did a splendid job and were a very positive addition to the Valley’s commercial scene, not to mention their support of Valley events in terms of selling tickets and being the 'home' for at least two book clubs that held their monthly meetings at the venue.

      It's impossible not to feel the loss, a sense of cultural diminishment even. I guess the majority of folks no longer like to read 'by hand', or read at all unless it’s on the computer. Personally, I much prefer physical contact with the printed page to scrolling pages on a screen. Everything changes, I am regularly reminded, but as newspapers, magazines, books, and bookstores flatten into screens and more screens, I'm far from convinced that all change is for the better. Meanwhile I am sure Valley readers will wish Loretta well for her next venture and, at least for now, as a die-hard Seattle Seahawk fan, she can enjoy basking in Super Bowl fever for a couple of weeks…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #435 - The Boonville Winter Market continues every Saturday morning at the Boonville General Store from 11am-1pm. This weekend it’s your chance to get some of the ‘world famous’ Onion starts from Mr. Onions himself - Bill Harper!... #436 - Saturday, February 25 is the last Saturday of the month and that means the Community Sing returns to Lauren’s Restaurant. Lily and Zoe Jacobsen will be the song leaders and lyrics will be provided, although you will know many of the songs I’m sure... #437 - Sold out! I’m referring to the ‘Original’ Crab Feed, the 12th such event since the first one back in 2003, which will take place this Saturday, February 1, at The Apple Hall. Remember it is not an alcohol-free event but hopefully those who make judgments on such gatherings will forgive us for our ‘sins.’... #438 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town once more in January - and that’s tomorrow, Thursday, January 23! They will be at the A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and no matter what time you arrive your pet will be seen. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome. The Vets have two visits planned for Thursdays next month - February 6 and 20…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 23, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Beef Stroganoff, Egg Noodles, Butternut Squash, Quinoa Salad, and Chocolate Pecan Bars for dessert … Then next Tuesday, January 28, the 6pm dinner menu will feature Pork Roast, Potluck Potatoes, Peas, Rolls, Wheat Berry Salad, Spinach Salad, with Coconut-Lime Berry Cake for dessert... This will be followed by the Center’s Annual Meeting and Board Elections. Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V. and beyond…

… As one regular wisely observed the other day, “Sometimes a Guinness and a bowl of French fries at Lauren’s Restaurant is all a man needs to complete a satisfactory day”...

… Aquarelle Restaurant in Boonville is re-opening this weekend, Friday, January 24th… Like all local businesses they rely on Valley folks for support more than ever during the winter months and, as I’ve said many times, ‘Eating out is fun’…

… The first of the Valley’s two Crab Feed took place last Saturday at the Apple Hall in Boonville and many 3-Dot regulars were in attendance. This event benefits the Senior Center, their 9th such one, although the first couple were actually crab cioppino dinners. Anyway, once again it was sold out and I heard many folks talk of a wonderful time, with tasty crab, salad, and bread, followed by a good if lengthy raffle and silent auction. I obviously attended and regular readers may be surprised to learn that I was neither the first to arrive nor the last to leave (although it was close) as I have been on previous occasions. It felt good just to be a part of this event and its excellent cause as the community sat down to eat together and make their contribution - it doesn’t get much better than that…

… The health care system, or lack thereof, in this country has been in a shocking mess for years, and viewed with incredulity by citizens of most western democracies and others. It was time to grow up, do the right thing, and take care of the citizens. So why was it not done in an efficient, comprehensive, and orderly manner? Just asking…

… We now know that the Super Bowl on February 1 will feature Denver against Seattle. Most folks around here don’t care. A couple of crucial calls went incorrectly against San Francisco, together with a couple of sloppy turnovers, as they went down fighting in Seattle, while Denver never really looked in trouble against New England. By some folk’s reckoning, the 49ers have arguably been the ‘best team’ in the NFL over the past three seasons. They are tied with New England for best regular season record in that time and have competed in three successive NFC Championship Games - but will not have a Super Bowl victory to show for it… Being a sports fan is never easy and at the end of the day, as we all know, there is only one winner… With that in mind how about this comment on sports by doom-and-gloom, yet quite brilliant author, George Orwell, for your Quote of the Week, “Serious sports has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence; in other words it is war minus the shooting”... Difficult to argue with George on that one, particularly after watching that Niners v Seahawks game left me feeling like I’d lost a war…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “Texas remaining as part of the U.S. is one powerful reason why the Apocalypse will continue to approach - let the bastards secede if they want to, I say… When a mayor of one of its major cities, Annise Parker of Houston, has to come to California to get married to her partner, as Texas does not recognize gay marriage, this perpetuates yet another example of the state’s narrow-minded mentality. What a place! A place where more than half the citizens do not believe in evolution or that humans are causing global warming; and a place which also does not recognize that cowboy hats look stupid when worn with suits and that Tex Mex food is Mexican food without the flavor. They should also recognize the fact that the rest of the country really does not give a **** about the Alamo… Phew, that felt good - and I didn’t even begin to talk about the fire ants, big hair, terrible tasting water, scorpions, and the ridiculous weather… How did I last three years there?...”

      Thanks for your input, Buzzard… Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you - and please ask him, her, or it, to send us some rain…

      Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

      Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well…

p.p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 389 - January 15th, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Well, the ‘bad preacher’ (rain) came into the Valley on Saturday morning but by the afternoon he had gone - thus not behaving like a ‘bad preacher’ at all, for as we know, just like the rain, normally a bad preacher doesn’t know when to leave. Now we are faced with basking in mid-70s temperatures for a week or so as the creeks, ponds, and rivers continue to dry up. Come back soon, ‘bad preacher’, we really would like you stay around for a while…

       This coming Monday, January 20, is the day on which we observe Martin Luther King’s birthday, and with the world facing so much chaos and uncertainty, and witnessing hatred, cruelty, and conflict in so many places, it certainly seems as appropriate a time as ever to pay heed to his words, “We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish together as fools”… And that concise and perceptive remark, as true today as on the day he uttered it, is your Quote of the Week…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #118 - The monthly ‘Open Mic’ night at Lauren’s resumes this Saturday, January 18 at 9pm. All are welcome - musicians, singers, poets, writers, impressionists, comedians, actors, fire-eaters, sword-swallowers, ventriloquists, raconteurs, exotic dancers, animal callers, etc. (Mimes are not really welcome)… #119 - The first of the two wonderful Crab Feed events, the one that benefits the A.V. Senior Center, will be held this coming weekend, on Saturday, January 18, in the Apple Hall in Boonville... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall. To get tickets for the big night out on January 18, contact Gina Pardini at 895-3609 or buy them at A.V. Market, Laughing Dog Books, Lemons Market, and Rossi’s Hardware. For the feast on Feb 1, call Gloria Ross (895-3071), Eva Holcomb (895-3307), or John Schultz (895-9552), or buy them at Laughing Dog Books. Remember - both ‘Feeds’ sell out every year and neither is an alcohol-free event. Hopefully, those who make judgments on such events will forgive us for our ‘sins.’... #120 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #121 - On Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Peculiar Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here for the same cause a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley, the profits from which will go to high school student scholarships, trips, etc. The event will feature a Happy Hour with drinks and appetizers at 7pm with the show following at 8pm. For advanced tickets ($25 adults; $10 Under 18), call Lanny at 895-2644 or Dick at 895-2561…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches … Tomorrow, Thursday, January 16, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Breakfast for Lunch – Baked French Toast, Scrambled Eggs, Sausage, Barley Salad, with Breakfast Cookies for dessert… Then next Tuesday, January 21, the menu will feature Parmesan Baked Tilapia, Brown Rice, Brussels sprouts, Arugula Salad, Strawberry and Sour Cream Crumb Bars for dessert... Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… The 49ers go marching on and there should be quite a gathering at The Buckhorn, Boonville for their Conference Championship game at Seattle. It will be tough to reach the Super Bowl (Feb 2), but by eating platefuls of spicy wings and sipping one or two pints of Guinness I hope to do my bit for the cause… p.s. The Buckhorn’s full liquor license will be in operation in the next couple of weeks or so…

… Restaurant updates… Our fine local restaurant, Aquarelle, will re-open after its holiday break next week - Friday, January 24… Libby’s CalMex restaurant in Philo remains closed for the holidays and Stone and Embers at The Madrones is closing for the month to do a little reorganizing. As a result of such developments, we at the 3-Dot are making Squirrel pies and Entrails soup in record numbers. Obviously the Sheep Eyes salad is a good seller all year round…

…Who is the moronic motorcyclist who insists on tearing along Hwy 128 at approximately 80 mph just north of Boonville at various times during the week and on Sunday afternoons in particular? The noise of his engine as he roars into the distance is most unsettling as you anticipate a deafening screech and crash at any moment. Hopefully he doesn’t kill anyone and the worst that happens to him is that his bike is wrecked and he has to wear a neck brace for a few months…

… A number of regulars have expressed sadness at the sight of the ghostly downtown building that until recently housed The Buckhorn Saloon (formerly the Lodge) and Anel’s Restaurant. All that remains there is the ‘Pick and Pay’ as landlord Dave Johnson of Sonoma continues to hold on to a building that would be so much better in a local person’s hands. It’s not yet the awful blight that is the Ricard Building at the south end of town, (why anyone hasn’t torched that ugly thing and fed the owner to the pigs I do not know) but it may be a matter of time before it is... 

… Why can’t we have a proper sidewalk in Boonville, one that would make it easy for folks, the elderly in particular, to walk from one end of the ‘shopping district’ to the other without dealing with so many potholes and uneven surfaces? This does not mean we are suddenly Napa. Some might say it would resemble Cloverdale - and what is so wrong with that? Isn’t it time to wise up and do the right thing?...

… Let’s do something about these issues. “Restlessness and discontent are the necessities of progress” that’s what I say, although Thomas Edison said it first…

… Meanwhile, my No. 1 Fan, “Confused of Comptche, California” stopped by the 3-Dot and it sounds like he will soon be moving on to bigger and better things. He told the assembled regulars, “I couldn't believe my luck the other day when I received an envelope on which were printed the words 'Check Inside. You Could Already Have Won Half A Million Dollars.' And sure enough, there inside the envelope was half a million dollars in crisp new £100 bills.”…Unbelievable!

       I’m outta here… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…

p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

p.p.p.p.s. Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin

# 388 - January 8th, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… As the drought continues, with no real end in sight, one has to start hoping for a bad preacher to turn up. For, if one does, as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The good rain, like a bad preacher, does not know when to leave off”…

         In a week with little news to report on up here at The Nest, nor from my travels out and about in the Valley that were somewhat restricted by the holidays, I thought that I’d do something a little different. So, for your Quote of the Week, what about some quips, comments, and downright abuse of newspapers? I’m sure none of these would be aimed at a newspaper as high-minded as The A.V.A. but knowing the machinations of some lesser principled organs of the press, the following words would appear to be very wise indeed... First let’s go with Charles Dickens’ vicious comment that newspapers are “so filthy and bestial that no honest man would admit one into his house for a water-closet doormat”... And almost as damning are the words of author Norman Mailer who said, “Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists”... Then there is George Orwell who adds to the abuse with the comment, “Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper”...

       On the other side of the discussion, whilst I am aware that “newspapers should have no friends” (Joseph Pulitzer), in the defense of rare newspapers such as the A.V.A. – ‘America’s Last Newspaper’, I offer you the comment by somebody you would perhaps not particularly wish to see on your side in any discussion about ethics and morals – former Chicago Mayor (1955 – 1976), Richard J. Daly, who commented, “A newspaper is the lowest thing there is!” I think newspapers would generally take that as a positive comment, even a compliment, considering the source... But perhaps the most positive comment about newspapers is the one from Thomas Jefferson, who would no doubt have been an avid A.V.A. reader in his day, who said, “Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.” Thanks for your support Thomas; I think that might have guaranteed you a free subscription...

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #119 - The Crab Feeds are upon us! Well nearly… The first of these two wonderful Valley events, the one that benefits the A.V. Senior Center, will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18. And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. To get tickets for the big night out on January 18, contact Gina Pardini at 895-3609 or buy them at A.V. Market, Laughing Dog Books, Lemons Market, and Rossi’s Hardware. For the feast on Feb 1, call Gloria Ross (895-3071), Eva Holcomb (895-3307), or John Schultz (895-9552), or buy them at Laughing Dog Books. Remember - both events sell out every year… #120 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome…

      
       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches and dinners over the next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 9, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Spanish Chicken w/ Chorizo, Roasted Potatoes, Broccoli, Faro Salad, with Lemonade Cake for dessert … Then next Tuesday evening, January 14 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Lasagna, Spinach, Garlic Bread, Raspberry Gelatin, Carrot Salad, Bulgur Salad, and a dessert of Rum Soaked Coconut Cake. As this is the 2nd Tuesday of the month, dinner will be followed by Bingo at 7pm. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… The Valley’s only liquor license (for the near future at least) will take effect at The Buckhorn, Boonville, in the next few weeks. A great relief to many local folks as surely a bar/restaurant with a full range of libations is a virtual necessity in any civilized society; right up there with a post office and a general store. A gas station, some form of law enforcement, and a school are bonuses… As is, some folks would say, a church…

… I am almost as pleased to be able to dispel the completely unfounded rumors as to the future of the fine local restaurant Aquarelle, also in downtown Boonville… Owner/Chef Christina Jones, having worked tremendously hard for the first year of operation, took a well-deserved break for the recent holidays and now plans to reopen with fresh ideas and renewed vigor on Friday, January 17… We at the 3-Dot wish her well and look forward to more of that Kale salad, truffle fries, and Red Wine braised Boneless Beef Short Ribs…

… Have you had a conversation in recent weeks that has not included a reference to the weather? Thought not. Me neither - understandably of course…

… The 49ers continue to make things hard for themselves this season but up to now they have succeeded each time in scraping out wins. Now they are two victories from the Super Bowl, although that may be just a step too far. Meanwhile, Raiders fans who continue to denigrate the Niners really should accept the fact that there is only one successful team in the Bay Area these days, and their team’s claim of a ‘Commitment to Excellence’ gets more ridiculous and hollow-sounding every year, certainly when an 11th successive non-winning season has just been completed…

       Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? – I suppose I should get my coat and leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.p.s. Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!

# 387 - January 1st, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… As we enter the New Year I believe we should acknowledge a couple of very special folks her in the Valley - our most senior of seniors. The oldest Valley resident is 95-year old Freda Fox (born in 1918) who will be turning 96 in March, while our second eldest resident is Ross Murray (also a new born baby of 1918), who in September of this year will turn 96 years young… Long may they ‘reign!’…

      With a more somber tone here are the Valley folks who are no longer with us; those Valley Folk who have moved on to the Big Valley in the sky in the last year or so... Harold Perry, who at 96 years old was the oldest Valley resident at the time of his passing in January 2013…… Henry Hill…… Brian Blumberg…… Raul Malfavon…… Each gone but not forgotten…

      And for your Quotes of the Week, here are some appropriate and heart-warming thoughts on the passing of loved ones... First, are these words from Helen Keller, the deaf/blind author, political activist, and lecturer, who said, “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us”... And there is this wonderful thought proposed in an Eskimo Legend – “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy”... And finally, the anonymously written but poignant, “Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear”...

      Next up  a few personal hopes and dreams for the Valley in 2014…

- The small choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily, and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…

- All herky, jerky, whirling, twirling, hippy dancing, whenever and wherever it breaks out in public, will be halted by concerned residents. Obviously this does not apply to the few rhythmic female movers and groovers and belly dancers, but it certainly does to the other 90% who make up this odd group…

- Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Christmas Tree Fund…

- All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ day-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…

- When some people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know”. That is o.k. and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time. 

- All drivers shall follow the rules of the road. That most definitely includes California Vehicle Code # 21656 – ‘Slower vehicles must pull over to allow others to pass’. No driving over 60mph anywhere; no driving under 40mph in the 55mph limit without pulling over in the many turnouts. Of course driving at 30mph or less in town is to be strictly enforced. Any non-residents breaking these guidelines will be forced to wear a neck brace in public for three months. A second offence and they will be locked up in solitary confinement for a week with nothing to read except the C.V.C. Book. A third offense will result in them being "dealt with" by my associates and then fed to the pigs…

- No more ego-vineyards are allowed. Particularly if it is to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-all who assumes they can make wine just because he/she has made their millions in an entirely different expertise, is living in some far flung location, who has never lived here, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit him in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on his head…

       Onward… Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #120 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #121 - One for your new calendar - it’s some time off but on Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Popular Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here for the same cause a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley, the profits from which will go to high school student scholarships. More details to follow…
       … And remember, the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. To get tickets, contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the big night out on January 18 and Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the feast on Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…

       As a bonus P.S.A., I can announce that the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville will re-open for lunch next Tuesday, January 7 following the holiday break… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for lunches and charges $7 for Non-Seniors. The first lunch of 2014, served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes w/ Gravy, Green Beans, Rolls, Quinoa Salad, and Birthday Cup Cakes for dessert … Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

      And as we are at the start of a new year, how about catching up with the days and times of various Valley events, functions, groups and organizations?... Every Tuesday and Saturday it’s The A.V. Lending Library run by The Unity Club. Tues 1.30pm – 4.30pm and Saturday 2pm – 4pm at The Fairgrounds… Every Saturday and Sunday, The A.V Museum is open from 1pm to 4pm… Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday, The County Dump on Mountain View Road is open from 9am – 4pm... Every Tuesday and Thursday – the Senior Center Lunch is at 12.15pm with the 2nd Tuesday featuring Dinner and Bingo 6pm and 7pm respectively, and the last Tuesday it’s dinner at 6pm... The 3rd Monday sees the Lions Club meeting at The Grange at 7pm… The 3rd Tuesday it’s the Grange Meeting at The Grange, also at 7pm… And finally for now, on the 4th Wednesday, one of my favorite groups – Independent Career Women (I.C.W.) – meets somewhere for a splendid evening of wining, dining and conversation - call 895-3069 for details…

      So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…

p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

p.p.p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…