# 95 - January 30th, 2008

Greetings one and all…”Well, we needed it” – no prizes for guessing what is being referred to in this oft-repeated phrase around these parts over the past week. The rains are certainly needed but when they all come at once and you live on a dirt road (now mud) on which even a four-wheel drive truck gets stuck then it gets a bit old. Surely we’ve had enough for now and we need to dry out for a few days. “Everything in moderation” is my long-held belief – well almost everything…
But now it’s time to stop complaining and to introduce this week’s Turkey Vulture Quiz…
1. At the 35 mile-marker on Hwy 128 (between Yorkville and Boonville) there has been a ‘Rough Road’ sign for what must be approaching two decades now. Locals have even given the spot a name. What is that name?
2. She has lived her all her life; there is a road in Philo with her family name; she is a regular contributor to the A.V.A. Who am I referring to – first and last name please?
3. For what film did Valley resident and Film Festival Award Presenter, Carroll Pratt, win an Oscar for Sound?
a) Seven Brides for Seven Brothers b) Carousel c) Oklahoma
Up next it’s the Quote of the Week…”If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead” – this came from the King of Late Night television, Johnnie Carson…
With all this wet weather I have been up here at The Nest more often than usual and with a little extra time on my hands I actually decided to watch some television programs on the regular television network channels that I would not normally see. Those TITs (Television Is Trash believers) amongst you should feel somewhat vindicated. What a load of crap! And the commercials are even more diabolical. I stand by my previous comments that there is some excellent stuff available on television for the discerning viewer but it’s almost exclusively on the premium pay-channels, such as H.B.O., whilst the regular channels seem determined to blatantly “insult” the viewer’s intelligence in his or her own living room…
Last weekend witnessed a very special and unique scene in The Valley in the form of the what was certainly a very entertaining, interesting, and informative 2nd Annual Film Festival…Apart from the eclectic collection of excellent films on view there was also the surprise appearance, and two-song performance, of harmonica wizard and guitar maestro, the blues great, Charlie Musselwhite… We talked and I can now claim to have shaken the hand of a man who shook the hand of Elvis…Oh, and another highlight for me was the scene in the locally made “Los Hilos de La Vida” (about the Quilt-making class for Mexican women in The Valley) that showed footage from the show at which the art work was displayed in public. Of particular interest to me was that whilst most people walked around admiring the beautiful and poignant quilts, one local “Hungry Horace” could be seen devouring the food on offer with both hands - a man after my own heart! Could this have been the originator of the phrase, “I don’t know art but I know what I like”?...
Coming up this week it’s another ‘Big Weekend in The Valley’ with the Crab Feed on Saturday night followed by the Super Bowl on Sunday afternoon. I’m sure The Feed will sell out (if it hasn’t already) and the event will get underway with the social hour at 5.30pm or so – the proceeds for this will benefit the St Elizabeth Seton Church. Many, many local people from all walks of life in The Valley will be in attendance at this “Mother of all Feeds”, choosing to go to this event rather than the 20th Anniversary Party for the Anderson Valley Brewery. I wonder why?
The Super Bowl on Sunday afternoon will no doubt be one of the biggest watched events of the year in this country and I have a feeling it might be much closer than the odds-makers think. The New England Patriots are favored by 12 points over the N.Y. Giants. A few weeks ago, the teams met in the regular season and the Patriots narrowly won 38-35 in what was probably the season’s most entertaining game. So the Giants almost beat the Patriots once this season and I’m saying they can almost beat the Patriots again. Ha! Ha! Ha!... Patriots 33 Giants 27…
That’s all for now…See you at The Crab Feed – I’ll be the one making a really awful mess…Oh, and just to get a third Elvis reference into this week’s column, may I offer you my personal favorite quote by the man from his army days, “After a hard day of basic training, you could eat a rattlesnake”…Tell me about it, Elvis!...
Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Let us prey…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. Numerous locals call that section of the road, “Smoot’s Sink”, after the Caltran employee who worked on it for so many years, Wes Smoot…
2. Charmian Blattner – a true doyen of the Valley’s old families if ever there was one…
3. Carroll won his Oscar, shared with others, for the sound work done on the classic musical, “Oklahoma!” (1955)…

# 94 - January 23rd, 2008

Greetings one and all – I hope I find you well and many of you eagerly anticipating the A.V. Film Festival with its wide-range of films, many of which have a connection with The Valley…But let’s get straight in to this week’s Turkey Vulture Quiz…
1. According to the sign at the edge of town, what is the population of the town of Navarro?
2. What is the name of the real estate office in Philo?
3. At some point below I mention the Crab Feed on Feb 2nd to benefit St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church but there is another one being held on Feb, 23rd. Who/what are the beneficiaries of this event?
Quote of the Week…Let’s continue to hope that John F. Kennedy’s words come to pass, “Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind”…
Meanwhile. I received a very peculiar message from my No. 1 Fan, “Confused of Comptche, California” who by the sound of it will soon be moving on to bigger and better things. He wrote this week, “I couldn't believe my luck the other day when I received an envelope on which were printed the words 'Check Inside. You Could Already Have Won Half A Million Dollars.' And sure enough, there inside the envelope was half a million dollars in crisp new £100 bills.”…Unbelievable!
Last Friday at 1pm I tuned into the local public radio station to listen to Anderson Valley Advertiser Supremo, Bruce Anderson sharing his thoughts on various issues with the people of Mendocino County. I was most surprised to hear the host of the show announce that, despite confirming his intended attendance the previous day, Bruce had not shown up at the studio at the High School in Mendocino. This tardiness was most unlike “Our Mighty Leader” but I imagined he would be there in a matter of minutes…However, he never did show up.
By 1.30pm I called the A.V.A. office and spoke with Bruce’s loyal and faithful “Major Contributor”, Mark Scaramella, and was told that Bruce had wanted to be there with plenty of time to spare so he had left for the station at about 10.45am for the hour-or-so drive. He should have been there by noon at the latest. Surely we and/or the radio station would have heard from him in the event of car trouble or the paper’s sources would have been informed if an accident had occurred. We were at a loss to explain Bruce’s ‘disappearance’… ”Foul-play?” I thought aloud…I have been reading a book by Kate Coleman about Judi Bari and the eco-terrorist organization, Earth First! Bruce is mentioned many times in the book and it is obvious that he has accumulated “enemies” from that time (and since) so perhaps it was inevitable that my over-active imagination now led me to suggest to Mark that perhaps something “untoward” had happened to him. Mark wouldn’t entertain such thoughts, although I did detect a trace of concern in his voice. We agreed to wait a while and see if Bruce showed up at the printers in Willits, as he had planned to do after his appearance on the radio show.
Sometime later Mark called to say that Bruce had arrived in Willits. He was fine but he’d mistakenly gone to the Ft. Bragg High School thinking the radio show was being broadcast from there. He asked around but nobody could help so he had headed off to Willits. Mark added that I had been the only person to call the newspaper… The ‘party line’ emanating from A.V.A. Headquarters was to be that a sudden bout of “early Alzheimer’s” had stricken Bruce. Of more concern to me was the ‘sad but true’ thought that as I was the only person to call the paper and inquire about Bruce’s whereabouts, did this mean that hardly anyone listens to KZYX & Z on a Friday lunchtime, or was it because those that do listen believe Bruce to be an unreliable flake, or was it that perhaps virtually nobody cares about Bruce and his well-being? Surely it’s not the latter…
Now it’s time for this week’s “Good thoughts, rampant rumors, and a few moans and groans from The 3-Dot Diner”…
…Who is the moronic motorcyclist who insists on tearing along Hwy 128 at approximately 80 mph just north of Boonville at various times during the week and on Sunday afternoons in particular? The noise of his engine as he roars into the distance is most unsettling as you anticipate a deafening screech and crash at any moment. Hopefully he doesn’t kill anyone and the worst that happens to him is that his bike is wrecked and he has to wear a neck brace for six months…
…None of us gathered at The Diner were able to attend the party thrown by public radio station, KZYX & Z, last Saturday evening for recently departed employees, Annie Esposito and Bert Seagull. I would imagine that it was well attended, Annie has lots of admirers, and I wish them both well in their future endeavors…
…The Crab Feed tickets are going very quickly. It’s on Saturday, Feb 2nd and as I mentioned last week the easiest place to get them is from one of the lovely young women at The One Horse Espresso coffee stand in downtown Boonville…
That’s all for now…See you at The Film Festival – I’ll be the one noisily devouring the popcorn in the back row…Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…
Let us prey…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. There are apparently 67 people who live in Navarro, before the last bomb anyway…
2. It’s ‘Anderson Valley Realty’…
3. The Senior Center – which is where the Feed is being held…

# 93 - January 16th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Got your Crab Feed tickets yet?...Too late; they have sold out and you’ll have to wait until…Naaahhh, that’s just a cruel “joke”! - but they will certainly sell out. Tickets are available at numerous outlets in The Valley but my choice would be the One Horse Espresso coffee-stand in Boonville because you will definitely get a good cup of coffee and a smile when you buy your tickets. The Crab Feed is undoubtedly one of the best community events of the year in The Valley and it’s happening on Saturday, February 2nd. …You have been warned and can thank me later…
First up this week it’s the Turkey Vulture Quiz…(answers at the end)…
1. What is the important building on Hwy 128 in The Valley at the 27 mile-marker?
2. Which owner-operated business in Boonville first opened its doors in 1945?
3. Who is the author of the book, “Boonville”, published in 2003?
Now it’s a quick Quote of the Week…”It’s too bad that the people who know how to run the country are too busy driving cabs and cutting hair” – words not a million miles from the truth from comedian great, George Burns…
Wine of the Week…During last week’s storms, up here at The Nest Hummingbird came through with her superb French Onion Soup. Naturally a fine wine was needed to accompany such a culinary delight and we opened a bottle of Syrah from the Meyer Family Cellars on Hwy 128, a few miles south east of Boonville. Perrrrfect! Sitting in front of a roaring fire with the rain hammering on the roof and the wind howling, this pairing of food and wine was not only a “beautiful thing” but also as good an aphrodisiac as you can imagine. In fact as I removed…(continued on page 74)…
That’s enough of that…Let’s get quickly on to the Whine of the Week…Now you may think that only a miserable bastard like myself could possibly complain about the efforts made by PG & E during the inclement weather. You’re somewhat correct but I was not the only person who was frustrated by the fact that there was a distinct lack of power outage updates at one point when PG & E couldn’t get into their computers to give out the updates because they were out of power!?? I couldn’t possibly comment any further…
…But now it’s time for my report on the recent topics under discussion at my favorite restaurant…Yes, good readers, it’s “Good thoughts, rampant rumors, and a few moans and groans from
The 3-Dot Diner in The Valley”…
…(3 Dots, get it?)…The ‘usual suspects’ were all there sipping some strong, hot coffee and, not for the first time, the conversation turned to the subject of our “wild west” town and its lack of law enforcement. With this in mind one of the gang announced that he had been sitting at the bar in one of the local drinking establishments when suddenly a toast went up to charge your glasses and to drink to the memory of Sheriff Scott Nordin. Everyone within earshot did so. Nothing else needed to be said. It was a quiet, understated tribute to the man and surely there are not many places and sheriffs who deserved each other so much…
…Is there a worse advert on the radio than the one for the Ft. Bragg Party Works that is frequently heard on KZOT – 95.3, The Coast? Are they kidding us!!? It sound more like a commercial for a Funeral Director’s than a ‘Party’ store - pathetic…
…Our Chamber of Commerce was spotted having a meeting at Lauren’s Restaurant last Tuesday. One would hope that one of the topics under discussion was the Community Christmas Tree for Xmas 2008. Apparently, it’s never to early to plan such a thing; after all nobody has got it organized for at least 57 years according to one disgruntled local man…
…So our very own local Uncle Sam is predicted to become Mayor of Boonville according to the A.V.A.’s front-page prognostications for 2008 of clairvoyant, Suzi Starflower. May I be the first to say, “over Turkey Vulture’s dead body”…
…All this recent talk about art criticism in the Anderson Valley Advertiser (A.V.A.) forces me to repeat my mantra on the subject, one which should be held by many more people than it actually is – “I don’t know what I like but I do know art”…
…And what is this “rag”, The Anderson Valley Rag, the two-sided sheet with the recent ‘hits’ on the A.V.A.’s Supremo, Bruce Anderson? I know who is putting this out. I know where he lives. Hopefully nothing will happen to him…
…Must go; back to the finale of “Bird’s Eye View”…
This coming Monday is the day we observe Martin Luther King’s birthday and with the world facing so much chaos and uncertainty, and witnessing hatred, cruelty, and conflict in so many places, it certainly seems as appropriate as ever to pay heed to his words, “We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish together as fools”…
That’s all for now…Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches and think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…
Let us prey…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. A short way north of Boonville it’s the Anderson Valley Museum – a “must-do” for all Valley-dwellers at some point, may I suggest…
2. That would be Rossi’s Hardware store. Many thanks from many, I’m sure…
3. The author is Robert Mailer Anderson, who will be in the Valley in next week (Friday, Jan 25th) for the A.V. Film Festival screening of “The Making of ‘Pig Hunt”’ - the movie he made up here last summer…

# 92 - January 9th, 2008

Greetings one and all…So the ‘real’ rains finally arrived and with them came some quite ferocious winds that made flying around The Valley quite a risky business. Nevertheless, I obviously survived to file the following report…
First up it’s the Turkey Vulture Quiz…(answers at the end)…
1. His wife works at the High School; his daughter attends the school; there is a sheepdog trial held at The Fairgrounds named after his father; and he is the County Trapper. Who is he?
2. What is the elevation of Navarro, home to the Deep Enders? (To the nearest 25’ will do)
3. What important function does Joe Dresch perform in The Valley?...
Now it’s a quick Quote of the Week…”The mind is an erogenous zone too”…No, this was not Susan Sarandon (the thinking-Vulture’s pin-up and the woman who features prominently in this particular Vulture’s secret fantasy), but they are in fact the words of non other than that sexy, voluptuous star of the sixties and seventies, Raquel Welch – a woman’s whose ‘words’ I had great admiration for as an adolescent boy…
Moving very quickly on…I had a thoroughly rewarding visit to The Dump this past week thanks to Bill the Bearded Dump Guy. As I was maneuvering from the recycling section to the large trash containers he heard an unusual sound emanating from my wheels. He stopped me and told me to unlatch the hood. He checked and found that my power steering fluid was virtually empty. “Just a minute, Vulture”, he said with a smile. A few moments later he returned with a bottle of the appropriate fluid and poured it into the system. Just a few moments later, as I drove down the driveway, the noise went away. Now you don’t get that sort of service at any Dump do you?
Meanwhile, down in The Deep Ender country of Navarro, my leading investigative reporter, Balding Eagle, reports that certain “usual suspects” set off bombs both at midnight on New Year’s Eve and again at noon on New Year’s Day. A concerned local citizen who was worried about her windows being blown out had forewarned me of this event and I therefore dispatched my top observer, dragging him away from the case of champagne he had been planning to devour for the New Year celebration. Apparently no damage or loss of limbs occurred but there were unconfirmed reports that several Navarro residents believe that such behavior is legal in their town and knew they would not be in trouble with the law. Is this true? I think we should be told…
Here’s the latest from my #1 fan, ‘Confused of Comptche, California’…“Dear Turkey Vulture, I was never in Vietnam, so when I see helicopter blades spinning it takes me back to the time I was in a hot steamy house with a slowly rotating ceiling fan.”…He’s getting weirder every week wouldn’t you say?...And why are helicopters flying over Comptche? I couldn’t possibly comment…
May I express the appreciation held by many in The Valley and its environs for the fine job done by the staff at KZYX & Z during the storms of last week. Led by program director Mary Aigner, their up-to-the-minute weather and road reports, together with the latest on power outages, were very helpful to all those listeners huddled around their radios. Special mention for his clear and concise work should go to “Smooth-talking” Vance, although he was almost too smooth and at times sounded as if he was broadcasting from a warm and sunny beach in Hawaii…It was good to see our hard-earned contributions being used to good effect and it was all done with not a single, unnecessary, politically correct comment - how refreshing! It was good community radio and that’s all we ask…
Up at The Nest, we wallowed in the mud and struggled over fallen branches but Hummingbird had done her homework. The cell phones and solar system had been fully charged before PG & E went down, the propane tank and kerosene lamps were full, and the fridge was overflowing with goodies. She’s a keeper, I tell you…
It’s a quiet time of year for the local businesses in downtown Boonville and beyond and as a result some are cutting back their hours. Here’s a few that I am aware of…Libby’s Mexican Restaurant in Philo is closed until February 1st, as is the Bates/Mailliard Mercantile in Boonville…The Boonville Hotel is open for dinner on Fridays and Saturdays only; The Ox is open for lunch Thursday thru’ Monday and dinner until 9.30pm every day except Wednesday when it is closed; and Lauren’s Restaurant closes on Sunday and Monday, but opens 5-9pm the rest of the week…Alicia’s closes on Tuesday but is open the rest of the week for lunch and then from 5-8pm in the evening; The Mosswood Market closes on Sunday but is open until 3pm every other day; The General Store closes every day at 3pm, except Friday when it re-opens at 5.30pm for pizza until 8.30pm; and the restaurant at The Redwood Drive-In is open every day from 6am until 3pm (you can get service inside the mini-mart until 8pm)…Of course you can be sure that The Pic ‘n’ Pay will be open just about whenever you need it to be. Those guys saved the day with that pound of butter on Christmas morning - crucial for the garlic-mashed potatoes! Remember two things - “support your local businesses – you’d miss them if they weren’t there” and of course, my personal favorite, “eating out is fun!”…
That’s all for now…Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches and think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…
Let us prey…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at

Quiz Answers…
1. That would be Gary Johnson, son of Floyd, and trapper extraordinaire, unless you’re a coyote or mountain lion, I suppose…
2. The Deep Enders are at 260 feet – a long way down from the High Rollers of Yorkville up there at 950 feet…
3. Joe is the Post Master in Philo – and a very good one too!