# 373 - September 25th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… So we had a little rain, eh? Got to be good news for many folks, although some people I spoke to had been suddenly shaken into frenzied panic. Go figure… Anyway, it provides us with this week’s Quote of the Week – courtesy of Ralph Waldo Emerson, the American essayist, lecturer, and poet, who wisely observed, “The good rain, like a bad preacher, does not know when to leave off”…

       Moving on… Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #413 – The Independent Career Women (ICW) meet this evening at the Senior Center for their monthly gathering. This is being catered by Julie from the General Store in Boonville and she will be serving St. Lois-style Pork Spare Ribs braised with Sweet Peppers and Onions, Double Stuffed and Twice Baked Potatoes with Cheddar Cheese, Scallions and Sour Cream, Roasted Eggplant, and Heirloom Tomato Tagine, Mixed Green Salad with Citrus Vinaigrette, and for dessert it’s Coconut Pecan Sheet Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting – sometimes I really wish I was an independent career woman as opposed to a dependent bird of prey… #414 – The next visit to the Valley by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be on Thursday, October 17… #415 - The monthly Barn Sale returns on Sat/Sun, Oct 5 and 6, at The Big Barn on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, and runs from 10am to 3pm each day… #416 - Recently I have been remiss in not mentioning one of my favorite weekly activities here in the Valley – a County Dump visit! You can drop off trash and recycling up there a mile or so out of Boonville on Mountain View Road on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and weekends from 9am to 4pm. Remember, ‘No Dead Animals’ - please leave those to me and my buddies – after all, we are nature’s finest garbage collectors...

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community Lunches over the next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for the lunches that are always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm… Tomorrow, Thursday, September 26, the lunch will be Buttermilk Chicken, Rolls, Carrots, Garlic Potatoes, Kasha Salad, and Triple Berry Cobbler … Then next Tuesday, October 1, the menu will feature Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes W/ Gravy Rolls, Brussels Sprouts, Quinoa Salad, and Birthday Cupcakes... Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Like most bars/pubs we get our fair share of dull and boring folks pontificating endlessly. Some of the worst are those who insist on sharing their dreams with anyone who will listen; yawn-provoking soliloquies about how they were falling and falling endlessly or were a beautiful princess in distress, or a prince riding a magnificent horse into battle and rescuing a beautiful princess, etc, etc… Enough already – let’s leave the dream-sharing to folks such as Martin Luther King…

… Someone who is always welcome to share with us is Malcolm West, the artist who currently has his work on display at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Many Valley folks talk about being artists and quite a few actually are. Malcolm is surely one of the very best…

… The Madrones, the Mediterranean-styled complex just south of Philo, where according to them you can ‘taste, dine, and unwind’ in the Valley, has now opened its ‘Stone and Embers’ restaurant to complement the location’s four winery tasting rooms and curiosity shop … Open from 12 to 8, closed Wednesdays and Thursdays, this new dining venue features wood-fired pizzas and a variety of small plates… ‘Groundskeeper’ Jim Roberts has created a wonderful location in all its guises, although the offer to view his garden ‘through iron gates’ is not the best invitation I have ever received!... Ha, ha, ha!…

… The Valley’s liquor license discussions continue behind closed doors, down dark alleys, and on fog-shrouded hillsides. Basically, there is a fairly bright light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully someone will be able to serve me a top shelf gin and tonic in the not too distant future, not to mention martinis and some fine single malts… I shall try to keep you up to date but at this point all I have are rumors and possibilities…

… A lovely sight in downtown Boonville on Friday afternoon – a girl on a horse. It was Nicole Johnson (Wyant) – doing something her forebears over a few generations no doubt did many times… Good on yer, Nicole!...

… It’s all very well saying you have an open mind – but then you have to be aware of people filling it with crap…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, ‘I wined and dined at Lauren’s, Aquarelle, and Coq au Vin this past weekend – I would have gone to the other Valley restaurants too but that would have been greedy. Each of them offers a different experience and each does what it does very well. It’s quite remarkable that in this relatively isolated spot we have such choices, and quality ones at that. Throw in The Buckhorn, The Boonville Hotel, and Libby’s, not to mention the daytime eateries and deli’s, and I couldn’t help but wonder that when the Apocalypse finally does arrive where am I going to eat my last supper?...’

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.s Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!

# 372 - September 18th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Well – what a fun weekend that was! The County Fair was once again a very enjoyable event and virtually everyone I spoke with seemed to agree. However, it appeared that numbers were down significantly on Friday, when both high school sports teams - soccer and football - were victorious, and perhaps Saturday was a little off too from what I could tell. As for Sunday, it was difficult to tell as the Sheep Dog Trial was packed and it appeared that many folks stuck around to enjoy the rest of the Fair following the Trial’s happy conclusion – a second successive victory for the Valley’s own 10-year old Border collie Bren, with her handler and Master Shepherd, Kevin Owens from Yorkville… See more Fair ‘stuff’ below…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #381 – The next visit to the Valley by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital is tomorrow, Thursday, September 19. They will offer a full service featuring house calls in the morning and your entire vet needs from 2pm to 3.30pm in the afternoon at the A.V. Farm Supply. Call 462-8833 for further details and if you are a previous client you can call them 48 hours in advance to ensure that your pet’s charts are brought ‘over the hill’ and also order any medications your pet might need. New customers and their pets are always welcome. I do not have their scheduled visits for October at this time… #382 - Flu shots are available on Tuesday Sept 24 from 5pm to 6pm at the Senior Center courtesy of the physicians and nurses from the pharmacy at Rite Aide – you know it makes sense. Appointments are not necessary and you can call 895-3609 for further details...

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community Lunches and Dinners next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center suggests a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, September 19, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Steak Pizzaiola, Pasta, Broccoli, Ferro Salad, with Black Berry Ice Cream dessert … Then next Tuesday September 24, in the evening at 6pm, the dinner will feature Chicken Pot Pie, Tabbouleh salad, Broccoli salad, Orange Gelatin Salad, and Apple Cake for dessert… This is also ‘Game Night’ so bring your favorite one along… And remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Nothing much to report from the Three-Dot Lounge this week as most of us spent all of our time at the Fair. However, you should be aware that a betting pool has started amongst regulars to see who can correctly guess the number of tourists in the month of September whom I spot pulled off on to the shoulder of Hwy 128 between Boonville and Navarro feverishly picking raspberries as I fly up and down the Valley. Bonus points are available to those who also guess the number who are in a thicket of poison oak as they unsuspectingly gather their ‘amazing’ find...

       And that leads very nicely into the Quote of the Week, this time from the brilliant mind of Irish playwright and socialist, George Bernard Shaw. Incidentally he is the only person to win both a Nobel Prize (for Literature in 1925) and an Oscar (Best Screenplay in 1938 for ‘Pygmalion,’ later ‘My Fair Lady’) – now you know and can impress friends! But I digress - G.B.S. wisely noted, “Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich – something for nothing.” Meanwhile, with two weeks to go, it’s 11 raspberry pickers, of which 4 were in poison oak...

       From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard comes this year’s ‘Fair Notes’… ‘This is far from a review, and perhaps that has been done elsewhere in the newspaper. This is more a scatterbrained report of what I can remember. Here we go… The Sam Prather dinner for exhibitors was a big success according to Fair Board member Morgan Baynham – even though they had run out of chicken when I arrived there at 8.30pm, following a thoroughly enjoyable hour or so in the livestock pens catching up with many of my four-legged friends; the liveliest hangout for many was the side-by-side ElderHome and Chamber of Commerce booths, serving wine and A.V. Brewery beer respectively – I spent time in this vicinity on all three days, although the scene at the Lions Club beer booth on Saturday evening was perhaps the biggest party of all; Sheriff’s deputies Walker and Espinoza reported a few minor incidents but overall it was a quiet event from their perspective; many folks shared with me their thoughts on the various food on offer, with Darrell’s sausages and grilled onions and the burgers from the Volunteer Firefighter folks tying at the top of the list; pizza and the baskets of Kurly fries (about the size of the average newborn child) were better than expected and the corn dogs impressed many, particularly the bacon-wrapped jalapeno variety – not a bad way to die, I thought, as I watched Turkey Vulture devour his 17th one – a new Fair record by the way...’

‘… A couple of folks had mildly critical things to say that may have some validity so I shall share them here and perhaps the Fair Board will see if any can be resolved… No beer available to folks who wanted to watch the high school sports games. Apparently ‘we can’t have the beer near to the kids’ - a change that was introduced a few years ago after a complaint was received and thus ended a tradition of many years standing. As if the kids do not see beer and wine being sipped at other times. Just don’t serve the kids - what is the problem here?... The Parade of Champions taking place at 6pm on Saturday – a time when the Fair is not that busy and so we get the ‘Best in Fair’ winners parading in front of far fewer folks than they deserve… A noticeable decline in the number of exhibitors in both the agriculture and craft buildings and the livestock barns – what can be done to boost this back to the numbers of a few years ago?... For those many folks who wondered why there was no Coors Lite available anywhere, the answered was provided by Fair Board member Bill Holcomb – Budweiser give more money to the Fair. If Coors want to get back in they will need to increase their offer – sounds fair to me… The parade was very late for reasons unknown and it was not very big – I have no idea what can be done about this... Talking of which, I chatted with D.A. David Eyster and County Sheriff Tom Allman who rode in the aforementioned Parade together and thoroughly enjoyed themselves, although the Sheriff was once again bamboozled, or is it bamboobled, by the Large-breasted Boonville flasher. I spoke with the Flasher later and she said, “I think he understands by now – it’s what I do!”…’

       On that note, I will offer my gratitude to the Buzzard for his Fair recollections and take my leave… ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through  the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

# 371 - September 11th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Belated ‘Happy September Birthdays’ to these Valley folks - Gloria Abbott, Neil Darling, and Mattie Winkleman… And onward to the Fair…

       I’m sure I don’t have to remind anyone around these parts about this wonderful event but, for my thousands of readers around the World, this coming weekend (Friday 13th – Sunday 15th) will see Boonville once again host The Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show, or as it is commonly called – ‘The Best Little Fair in the West!’ All the usual events (Rodeo, Sheep Dog Trial, the Apple Bowl high school football game and the Apple Cup for the boys’ soccer team; live music at the Saturday night dance, games, rides, etc, etc) will be taking place, plus the many exhibitions and displays that show off the County’s best livestock and agriculture, not to mention all the various talents in terms of arts, crafts, gardening, etc, etc that so many people in the county possess. With food and drink in plentiful supply and so many familiar faces to see, I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be there...

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #173 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital in Ukiah are back in the Valley for two visits this month – tomorrow, September 12 and next week, September 19. They will offer a full service featuring house calls in the morning and your entire vet needs from 2pm to 3.30pm in the afternoon at the A.V. Farm Supply. Call 462-8833 for further details and if you are a previous client you can call them 48 hours in advance to ensure that your pet’s charts are brought ‘over the hill’ and also order any medications your pet might need. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #174 - The cooler weather is approaching and your flu shots are due. These are being offered at the A.V. Senior Center in Boonville, sponsored by Rite Aid Pharmacy, on Tuesday, Sept 27th from 4pm to 6.30pm. Appointments are not necessary and you can call 895-3609 for further details...

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, September 12, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Chicken Piccata, Polenta, Zucchini, Bulgur Salad, and a Peach Cobbler dessert… Then next Tuesday, September 17, the menu will feature Tostadas – Pork or Chicken, Black Beans, Cheese, Lettuce, Avocados, Salsa, Corn, Quinoa Salad, and a dessert of Zucchini Cake... Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

... Here are some intriguing questions that I tend to raise every year with regulars at The 3-Dot with regards to this weekend’s County Fair... Will the infamous “Large-breasted Boonville Flasher’ once again expose herself to County Sheriff Tom Allman as he rides in the Parade?... Will there be a local winner in the Sheep Dog Trial? – a fairly rare occurrence that happened last year when Bren and handler Kevin Owens were victorious… Is Pickles the Clown going to show up and scare lots of small children?... Will anyone be happier than Sadie the Balloon Lady?... Will any local teenage girls run off with a Carny?... Will any local schoolboys run off and become a Carny?... Will the corn dogs be as good and as unhealthy as ever?... And most importantly, will I win the Carrion-Eating Contest for the seventh year in succession?... All this, and possibly more, will be revealed this coming weekend...

... At this point in our discussions, I got up on my perch behind The 3-Dot bar and gave my annual pre-Fair speech to the assembled masses – “I would like to remind some of you, particularly the younger generation, that it is not all about the carnival rides and looking cool with your date – important though such pastimes certainly are. Try to also check out the various display halls of arts, crafts, agriculture, etc, along with the impressive livestock corrals, the traditional rodeo, and the always-exciting sheep dog trials. This Fair is a really unique event and one of a dying breed, so why not broaden your horizons and enjoy everything ‘The Best Little Fair in the West’ has to offer? In my humble opinion, that would be cool too. Trust me on this; you can thank me later”...

… Meanwhile, while competition in the various agricultural events will be tough at the Fair, an almost equally competitive gardening arena, was that at the Boonville Farmers Market Tomato Tasting this past Saturday morning in the Boonville Hotel parking lot. The results are now in and, in a stunning upset, rookie Bunny Bill in his first time entering with his very own variety, ‘Tigorilla’, (they are red with yellow stripes) narrowly beat ten-year reigning champion grower, Brock Farms… Suffice it to say, Bunny celebrated in fine style and was last seen giggling to himself as juice from his succulent tomatoes and beer ran through his whiskers and down his chin…

… In the local ‘Boontling’ dialect, a ‘modocker’ is a homosexual. I learned about this from members of the local gay community last weekend, a number of who proudly displayed the word on t-shirts. According to local Boontling expert, Wes Smoot, the term comes from a time when folks working with sheep would occasionally find some lambs in a flock that were ‘hermaphrodite’, i.e. having both sets of sex organs. This soon became shortened to ‘mafrodite’ and one fellow, no doubt after several drinks on a lonely night in the hills, found himself saying ‘modocker’ instead, and it had soon stuck as a Boontling term for folks deemed to be gay, lesbian or bi-sexual… An alternative explanation, one which Wes finds to be unlikely, came from the tale of a fellow who once visited the California town of Modoc, where he met a shepherd with a particularly ‘close relationship’ with his sheep. This fellows ‘odd’ or ‘queer’ behavior was termed to be that of a ‘modocker’ and over time entered the Boontling lexicon as the term for homosexual… Either way, it is what it is, and the t-shirts are selling quite well…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…

p.p.p.s. Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin

      

# 370 - September 4th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Let’s get things going with the Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #380 – The monthly Barn Sale returns on Saturday/Sunday, Sept 7/8 at The Big Barn on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, and runs from 10am to 3pm each day… #381 - On Sunday, September 8, The Anderson Valley Land Trust is sponsoring its 4th annual ‘Sustainable Discoveries’ event that will feature visits to the Yorkville Olive Ranch; a special local food lunch in the picnic area at Meyer Family Cellars prepared by Aquarelle Restaurant; Pennyroyal Farm to see the making of the cheese and the goats who produce the milk; and the Anderson Valley Community Farm in Boonville to experience their organic market garden, and animals. You can get more information or sign up by calling Shelly at 895-3150… #382 - The local food Pancake Breakfast returns to The Grange on Sunday September 8 from 8.30-11am… #383 - The Mendocino Bookmobile is in town next Tuesday, September 10. They are in the Valley on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Their next visit will be Tuesday, September 24… #384 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital in Ukiah are back in the Valley for two visits this month – September 12 and 19. They will offer a full service featuring house calls in the morning and your entire vet needs from 2pm to 3.30pm in the afternoon at the A.V. Farm Supply. Call 462-8833 for further details and if you are a previous client you can call them 48 hours in advance to ensure that your pet’s charts are brought ‘over the hill’ and also order any medications your pet might need. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #385 – It’s The Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show from September 13-15. I just thought you should know…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and for the dinners it is $6 and $8, respectively… Tomorrow, Thursday, September 5, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Oven Baked Fish, Oven Fries, Coleslaw, Corn Bread Muffins, Wheatberry Salad, and Apple Crisp… Then next Tuesday, September 10, for the 6pm dinner, the menu will feature Lasagna, Green Beans, Garlic Bread, Ferro Salad, Broccoli Salad, Raspberry Gelatin, Texas Sheet Cake dessert. As this is the 2nd Tuesday, this feast will be followed by Bingo at 7pm… Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome!…
Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… The high school soccer, football, and volleyball teams won all of their games last week and there were many raised glasses in celebration at The Three-Dot – long may they continue…

… It will be my 23rd Fair next week, which is nothing compared to many, in particular the record holder for most Fairs attended – Eva Holcomb, for whom this will be her 76th since her first, as a four-year old in 1938 - she hasn’t missed one since. Incidentally, Eva missed the first eleven Fairs, when it was known simply as The Apple Show, making this year’s event the 87th such extravaganza!!!...

... ‘Things people say’ – I overheard these words uttered by a tourist sitting outside the Paysanne ice cream store in Boonville on Sunday afternoon – “Oh, yes, Hendy Woods is quite pretty”... ‘Quite pretty’? I think she meant to say, “Absolutely stunningly beautiful” but she had drunk too much wine and was unable to express herself very well...

… No firm movement as yet on the liquor license that is available following the recent closure of The Boonville Saloon (Lodge). Having said that, a couple of stories have been reported to my team of ace reporters and one of those certainly might come under the heading of ‘Good thoughts and Reliable Rumors’… If it’s a local offer, and it might well be, then that has to be excellent news…

… Talking of downtown socializing, regulars at the Three-Dot commented on the many out-of-towners in the Valley this weekend, including a large number of what were clearly accountants and/or lawyers and their significant others on sparkling Harley Davidson motorcycles. Most were adorned in pristine, hardly-worn leathers and are no doubt back in their office by the time you read this. Nothing wrong with that of course, but why do they try to look so menacing, and is it really necessary to rev up their engines for as long as many do?... As for their co-riders, is it just me or is there something really quite attractive about soccer Moms from Tiburon wearing leather chaps and waistcoats that barely conceal their push-up bras?... I didn’t think so…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…