# 125 - August 27th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably?...Then I shall begin…And once again, we’ll start off with the Valley Quiz – this time it’s three questions about the Valley’s ‘geography’…
1. What is the elevation of Boonville? What about Philo?
2. Which two roads connect with Hwy.128 at the 17-mile marker?
3. As you drive north out of Boonville and cross the Anderson Creek Bridge, facing you about one mile ahead off to the east side of Hwy 128 there is a hill/”mountain” with an unusual name. What is it called?
And, because we Turkey Vultures are creatures of habit, let’s keep the usual running order going and now go to the Quote of the Week…Following my stream of consciousness from the answer to Question #3, I find myself in the “sea” and what better quote about that topic than this bit of wisdom from the Irish writer James Joyce - “The snotgreen sea…The scrotumtightening sea”…Clearly he has an issue here and, not being a lover of water myself, I think I know what he means…
Rather than go deep sea fishing on Saturday morning, and thus risk suffering a little testicular-tightening by doing so, I decided to head in the opposite direction and went into Boonville for the special “Tomato Day” at the Farmer’s Market, only to find out that it has been postponed because not enough vendors’ tomatoes were ready. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed myself listening to the talented Raven River String Band, buying a few of the luscious tomatoes that were provided courtesy of Jenna and Floodgate Farms, and tasting and purchasing some of the delicious and peppery Extra Virgin Olive Oil from the Yorkville Olive Ranch provided by Ron Rice and Ron Black…
It was a quieter than usual Market and organizer Cindy Wilder informed me that overall numbers were down on previous years. With that in mind and to get some feedback from customers, Erica Kane (the real one – much nicer than the character from the daytime soap, “All my Children”, played by Susan Lucci) was organizing a poll asking questions about various aspects of the weekly Market. We’ll see what the poll shows but in my humble opinion (and that of several Market Regulars), not having any fish is part of the problem this year along with the hours (9.45am to noon). Perhaps both of these issues will be re-evaluated before next year. The feedback I have received over the past few months would suggest that a return of the fish lady, who can only do Sundays at this point, and running from 10am until at least 1pm, would work better - just passing it on and merely trying to help…Of course, this is easy for me to point out, and myself and those offering such advice will not be the ones sitting in the hot summer sun, will we?...However, with numbers significantly down perhaps it may be time for some fine-tuning or even real change for this lovely event to get the attendance that the efforts of the organizers and vendors deserve…Best wishes to all concerned with whatever transpires…
The Saturday Evening Live Music series at The Navarro Store continued last weekend with one of the biggest draws of the summer - John Lee Hooker Jr. and the Hooker Band. More than 150 people from The Valley and points beyond were in attendance to eat, drink, and dance the night away – and this they certainly did. The music was excellent; Navarro Tommy led the way on an always-packed dance floor, and the lines for the bar-b-q and at the keg both seemed to be constantly replenished. Yet another excellent evening of top quality entertainment and fun right here in The Valley thanks to Dave Evans and his Crew in The Deep End…Next up will be the Laser Lightshow and Pink Floyd Tribute on Saturday, August 30th at 8pm. Not my scene, dudes, but I’m sure you don’t need to see me everywhere you go, do you?...For future gig info call 895-9445…
It’s that time again…This coming weekend behind The Rectory of St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church on Anderson Valley Way, the monthly Barn Sale will be taking place…Great bargains, the smiling faces of Gloria Ross and Eva Holcomb, the always tasty Bill (Holcomb) Burgers, and lots of local folks, will all be part of the ‘show’ as the Sale runs from 9am to 4pm on both August 30th and 31st… Hope to see you there…
It’s official! Despite some denials from those who claim to know about such things, they are wrong, and we do indeed now have a “street person” in town. On his return to The Valley, after an absence of what seems like a couple of years, Dave Polini has set up his sleeping bag and worldly possessions, including the all-important notepad and pen, at various locations in the heart of downtown Boonville over the past couple of weeks. Apart from the somewhat scary appearance and obligatory talking-to-himself, he is cordial to most passers-by, and even held the door open for me as I entered The Lodge last Monday afternoon. I bought him a beer for his gentlemanly conduct. He used to have a lovely wife and child, (I do not know what happened there) but he has clearly gone down the well-worn path of substance abuse and the whole situation is sad. Let’s hope this is as bad as it gets for Dave and that he soon finds his way out of his current predicament. He’s not a bad man….
I’m outta here! Be careful out there, remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, try to stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
P.S. “Hi, Silver Swan and Duck Lips – have a sip of champagne for me!”
Quiz answers…
1. Boonville is 400 feet above sea level, whilst Philo is at 290 feet. This may surprise those out there who were convinced that Poleekos always seemed higher than Boonts (?)…
2. At mile-marker 17, from the west it’s Clark Road that meets Hwy. 128 and from the east it’s the not-signposted Holmes Ranch Road…
3. If you didn’t guess the answer from my ‘clue’ in Quote of the Week, that strange-looking hill is called, appropriately if you look closely, “Octopus Mountain” – yer gotta like that!

# 124 - August 20th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably?...Then I shall begin…And, as I’ve heard from thoughtful readers, what better place to start than with The Valley Quiz…This week we are looking for the names of some locals who serve the community in different ways - answers at the end…
1. Joe Dresch is the “Main Man” at the Philo Post Office but who are his two very able assistants behind the counter?
2. Who are the current and former owners of ‘Philo Pump and Power’?
3. Who is the organizer of the Farmers’ Market in Boonville…
Appropriately, this coming Saturday morning (August 23rd), at the Boonville Farmers’ Market (B.F.M.), it’s Tomato Day! It doesn’t get much better than this and there will be plenty of tastings, recipes, and prizes…This will all be happening at the usual time and venue - in The Boonville Hotel parking lot from 9.45am to Noon…I just thought you should know…
Well, School starts on Monday, August 25th and no doubt everyone connected with the High School, the Junior High, and the Elementary School is “raring to go”. I wish them all a very successful and rewarding year both in and out of the classroom…Which leads me very smoothly into The Quote of the Week – two actually… …”Intelligence plus character--that is the goal of true education.”
Martin Luther King, Jr….And from former President James A. Garfield,
“Next in importance to freedom and justice is education, without which neither freedom nor justice can be maintained.”…Yer gotta like that!...
The Turkey Vulture Award season continues…Following on from the “Best Deli Sandwich Award” of a couple of weeks ago, I am pleased to announce this year’s winner of “The Town with the Dirtiest Young Hippies Award” (under-30 section). Sure, there are many contenders for this award all over Nor Cal but for the second year in succession the clear winner is the delightful coastal hamlet of Mendocino! Er…er…”Well done!” Their Young Hippies are particularly filthy and odorous, with clothes to match, and they are often seen in the company of unusually mangy looking dogs and the occasional reptile. This particular group who meander aimlessly around their quaint little village should get special recognition for their unswerving dedication to dirt and foul smells because, one cannot help but think, that for many of them they are just a phone call away from Mummy and Daddy’s money to bail them out – that’s if they ever feel like getting on with their lives and making something useful of themselves…
Following a delicious brunch at The Boonville Lodge last Sunday, Hummingbird and I spent a very pleasant and peaceful couple of hours strolling around, and resting at various benches, amongst the oak trees at The Evergreen Cemetery just north of Boonville. You enter this restful place from Anderson Valley Way and we soon discovered that it is a wonderful place to let your imagination wander to the past and attempt to visualize the lives of those departed and all of the people who have attended services at this spot through the ages. Many of the old Valley Family names are represented there – Hiatt, Gowan, Pardini, Reilly, Ball, Clark, Prather, Rawles, Pinoli, Hanes, Gschwend, Clow, Ornbaun, etc, etc, and it was particularly pleasing to see that many of the headstones/memorials were adorned with fresh flowers for the loved ones who are gone but clearly not forgotten…
Not much else to report this week so I’d thought I’d grab the opportunity to inform you of just some of The Valley’s monthly events/services that you may be interested in attending…Here we go…
Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday – The A.V Museum is
open from 1pm to 4pm.
Every Tuesday/Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday – The County Dump is
open from 9am – 4pm each day.
Every Tuesday and Thursday – Senior Center Lunch at 12.30pm.
Second: Tuesday – Chamber of Commerce meeting
at TBA (call 895-2379). Starts 5.30pm.
Wednesday – School Board at A.V. Elementary
School Campus. Starts at 7pm.
Third: Monday – Lions Club at The Grange, 7pm.
Tuesday – Grange Meeting at The Grange, 7pm.
Fourth: Wednesday – Independent Career Women (I.C.W.)
at TBA (call 895-3069). Starts 6.30pm.
Last weekend of the Month – The Barn Sale at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. 9am to 3pm, (both Saturday and Sunday)…
Well I think it’s time to take my leave…Enjoy the sunshine, be careful out there, remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, try to stay out of the ditches, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
P.S. “Hi, Silver Swan and Duck Lips –sip a little champagne for me!”
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net… And before you get too ‘down and dirty’, try to remember – we Turkey Vultures are Nature’s Garbage Collectors - an honorable profession, even if I do say so myself…
Quiz Answers…
1. Ably-assisting Joe are Sheila “Banjo Queen” Hibbs and Anne “Stylin’ ” Carr…
2. Mike Crutcher used to own P.P. and P. and now it’s Jeff Pugh…
3. Cindy Wilder is responsible for seeing that all runs smoothly each weekend at the B.F.M. – “keep up the good work, Cindy!”…

# 123 - August 13th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably?...Then I shall begin…Let’s get straight into The Valley Quiz… Answers at the end…
1. The sixties S.F. band, “It’s a Beautiful Day” were one of the first to surface during the ‘Summer of Love’ in 1967 and later had a big hit with the song “White Bird” – you hear it quite often on The Coast radio station (as you do most songs on that station’s play list). Anyway, which local musician was a founder member of the band?...
2. Who is the Social Studies teacher at the High School? Who teaches Farming and Agriculture?
3. Carroll Pratt, inventor of the “Laugh Track” and all-round film sound pioneer, now has what many in The Valley would consider an even more important role. What might that be?
No “Wine of the Week” this time – mainly because over the past few days I’ve been guzzling down lashings of beer instead of wine but that does not mean we can’t have a ‘Whine of the Week’ does it?…Actually it’s an old Whine that I haven’t mentioned for many moons, or should that be moans?...As the summer continues, here in The Valley it is inevitably accompanied by the increase in tourist traffic, specifically the unbelievably bad drivers at the wheel of many of the R.V.s trundling slowly along Hwy. 128. Have they any idea about California Vehicle Code 21656? The one that simply states, “Slower vehicles must pull over to permit passing”. There are signs on which this is emblazoned throughout the county and particularly on Highway 128. Is it so difficult to understand? Not only that, but there are hundreds of turnouts in which to abide by the law. Why do so many people refuse to do so as they coast along at 35mph whilst many of us are striving to get to and from work at a legal 55mph? It’s not always the R.V drivers either. Quite often it seems to be a gentleman in his sixties with a female companion thirty years younger in the passenger seat of his sports car and there’s no way this “playboy” is going to let someone pass. In my humble opinion not only is he breaking the rules of the road but his “relationship” should be illegal too – but I digress!...Do you think that this lack of courtesy on the roads has anything to do with the size of many men’s penises?...I couldn’t possibly comment…
Let’s follow this rant than with an appropriate ‘Quote of the Week’ - from Napoleon Bonaparte of France…”When people cease to complain, they cease to think” – a wise man indeed…
Speaking of complaining, following my “Best Sandwich Award” of a couple of weeks ago, Bob the Buzzard complained that I had got it wrong and said he would prove it so. Well, this week he backed up his “promise” – sort of. He presented me with what he had claimed is a better Roast Beef sandwich than the one available at Lemons Market deli in Philo - the one that won my recent award. Bob’s sandwich came from the A.V. Market in Boonville and I have to say it was superb. A great sandwich made with succulent roast beef on a fresh sour dough roll. However, Bob broke the rules. He craftily added delicious horseradish jack cheese and a small but zesty amount of spicy Mendocino Mustard – “fancy” ingredients that, in the interests of “competing on a level playing field” were not allowed in the original competition. Nevertheless, I thank him for the lovely gesture and willingly acknowledge his sandwich wisdom - perhaps his determination to prove me wrong will result in my re-assessment of the guidelines for next year’s competition…Meanwhile, lucky Valley readers, I humbly suggest that you support your local deli – you will not be disappointed…
I’m never disappointed when there is a Lions Club tri-tip bar-b-q to attend and the latest was at The Fairgrounds in Boonville on Sunday to benefit the Anderson Valley Ambulance service…I must admit to being a little concerned on my arrival when I saw that Olie “Master of the Tri-Tip” Erickson was not at the grill. I needn’t have worried. With Justin Clark at the helm and Danny Kuny doing the carving, the meat was perfect and as tasty as ever. Christine Clark and her crew of volunteers did a marvelous job as usual and it was a joy to see so many familiar faces at this wonderful event. However, I have to say it seemed a smaller turnout than usual – but then Valley folk have been asked to support a lot of good causes this year and perhaps they are finally reaching the bottom of their financial barrels…Unlike at the Crab Feed, The St. Patrick’s Day Celebration, and The Variety Show, I was not the last to leave on this occasion but it was certainly close. Besides, along with the Ohio Owl, I was asked to help with the clearing up of the dessert table and who am I to refuse a request from The Lions Club?...
I think I’ve shared enough for now…Enjoy the sunshine, be careful out there, remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, try to enjoy life despite the fact that living sometimes gets in the way, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. Mitchell Holman, who was the band’s bass player from 1967 to 1974, when the group disbanded…
2. Julie Honegger teaches Social Studies while Beth Swehla is in charge of the F.F.A. and Ag. Department – and from what I know both of them are doing a fine job in preparing the students for life in the “real world” – where sometimes you hear the word “No”!
3. Carroll’s current important role in The Valley is that of co-owner, with Tom Towey, of the “new” Boonville Lodge Bar & Grill…
P.s. “Hi, Silver Swan and Duck Lips – have a drink for me!”

# 122 - August 6th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably? - then I shall begin…And what better place to start than with The Valley Quiz… Answers at the end…
1. As I will be mentioning religion a couple of times in this column perhaps we should start off by asking how many churches are in The Valley?
2. What are the opening hours and days of one of my favorite haunts in The Valley – The County Dump up on Mountain View Road?…
3. Many of you will know that the Valley’s long-time leading sheep farmer is Sam Prather - but what is Sam’s real first name?
Moving on…As I was flying above Boonville one evening last week I spotted a bunch of kids kicking soccer balls around on Tom Smith Field behind the High School. I zoomed down for a closer look and discovered it was the High School Boys Soccer players enjoying a pre-season practice under the watchful eyes of Coaches Tom Smith and Steve Sparks. Coach Smith informed me that the team would find it hard to reach the high standards of the three previous seasons each of which had seen the Panthers go deep into the play-offs. Many seniors had left but Tom commented that the enthusiasm of the current group was very encouraging and what they lacked in experience they certainly made up with in “coachability”. From what I heard and saw, it seems like they may do quite well…As for the Football program, the decision on whether there will be teams for the 2008 season is still up in the air. The goal is to field both a Varsity and J.V. team but that is completely dependent on the number of kids who turn up for practice over the next few weeks. Hopefully at least one team will be formed – the community would love a High School Football team and surely between the kids, the parents, the guardians, the coaches, the school administration, and the school board, efforts will be made to ensure that we get one…
Which leads me very neatly into the Quote of the Week…It comes from Pulitzer Prize winning author, satirist, and former host of P.B.S. television’s Masterpiece Theatre, Russell Baker, who said, “In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses”…Nice one, Mr. Baker, I knew Karl Marx had got it wrong when he said that it was “religion” that is our “opiate” – now that would be really scary… However, having said that, there are some who believe otherwise, as evidenced by the following recent submission to my e-mail address… ”Dear Mr. Vulture, may God bless you…I generally enjoy your column and your frequently irreverent style, but certainly not your occasional irreligious one. I am a teacher at a leading faith-based college, and the foundation of all our educational philosophy is that the Bible is the word of God and the truth. Consequently, in biology we teach creationism as explained in the book of Genesis, and in mathematics we teach that Pi equals 3, as stated in the book of Kings. If I had my way, anyone pupil who believes in dinosaurs, or who puts 3.14159 into equations for Pi would be taken into the playground and stoned to death against the cafeteria wall. I hope to never put you in this situation. Yours in God, Harold in Healdsburg”…As I said, religion can be very scary – beware of the likes of Harold!
In contrast to this religious rant, I offer you ‘Signs that we are Civilized’ - #16: “The restaurant where the clientele are vultures and the menu consists of rotting meat”…This venture has been set up in Nepal to help stop the sharp decline in numbers of my cousins, the White Necked Vulture. This is obviously excellent news and to read the full story please check out…

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Meanwhile, I shall be looking into opening a similar venture on Hwy. 128 in the very near future. As I’ve said many times before – “We are Nature’s Garbage Collectors and for that you can thank us later”…

Talking of “collecting”, I tuned into KZYX &Z’s ‘Trading Time’ show on Saturday morning to see if I could perhaps pick up a bargain or two to add to my collection of stuff I don’t really need. I didn’t get anything on this occasion but I was surprised to hear the dulcet tones of Barton Seagull, the former station operations manager, who was the guest host in the absence of Mike and Patty Langley. He was polite and gracious and did a fine job, other than the occasional reminder to listeners that, “I am a musician now”…Does this mean that is how he now makes a living? None of my business, I know, but he started it and I was just wondering…

I am also wondering how Bob the Buzzard is going to “prove” (his word) to me that the Roast Beef deli sandwich from the A.V. Market in Boonville is better than the recently announced ‘Turkey Vulture Best Sandwich’ award winner – the equivalent sandwich from Lemons deli in Philo. This is obviously a subjective issue, both are excellent by the way, but Bob was insistent. When we spoke, he had become separated from his companions and seemed disorientated. Was his insistence borne out of his confusion or was it due to his having too much to drink? Or both? I couldn’t possibly comment…

Something I can comment on is the news from The Balding Eagle that the winners of the past two Trivia Quiz contests on Thursdays at The Boonville Lodge were a team of KZYX & Z employees followed this week by a mixed team formed from the Tony/Kerri Sanchez family and A.V. Brewery staff. Not to mention that the team from Vinegar Ridge have been a very competitive third for three weeks in a row…The tourist teams meanwhile were way down in the standings each week – I’m not sure what this means but I think you get my drift…

I’m outta here!…Enjoy the sunshine, be careful out there, remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. I believe there are four actual churches in Anderson Valley – two in Boonville (United Methodist and Assembly of God) and two in Philo (St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic and another United Methodist)...None in Yorkville or Navarro – surely they’re not God forsaken!?!
2. The Dump is open from 9am until 4pm on Weekends, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. Try not to go with just a $20 bill and you’ll make Dump Guy Bill very happy…
3. Farmer Sam Prather’s real name is Albert…
p.s. “Hi” to Silver Swan and Duck Lips – thanks for your continued support…