# 189 - December 30th, 2009

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... So how was your Christmas? Did the new sweater fit? Did it still fit after dinner? Did you keep the receipt for your nephew’s broken toy? Why was Uncle Stan so drunk and was that the reason Grandpa was so rude to him? Why did Cousin Betty go for a nap and not return? Why was Aunt Jenny crying? Did you ever find the new puppy that went missing?... And to make matters even more worrisome and confusing, next up it’s the Amateur’s Night Out of the Year – New Year’s Eve! Try to enjoy yourselves and if someone is behaving badly just smile and walk away – you know it makes sense.
Despite all the excesses of the holiday season I have fortunately come to the conclusion that, unlike Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for ‘New Yorker’ magazine, not “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening” although quite a few of them are. Now with the dawn of a new year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2010 – “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television” – difficult to argue with, I’d say...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... At the risk of getting repetitive, the rumors continue, hopefully not with false optimism, that there may be moves afoot for Lodge owners, Tom Towey and Carroll Pratt, to move their excellent operation to The Buckhorn building down the street, formerly owned by ‘King’ Ken Allen but now in the possession of the far more tenant-friendly and community-minded Gary and Ginny Island. Many 3-Dot customers are also regular attendees at The Lodge and they are obviously concerned, along with many others, about where anyone will go in the upcoming weeks just to have a refreshing after-work beer or sip a few martinis before dinner. And who can blame them? A post office, a store, a bar (and often a church) – these are fundamental requirements of any community and it is no wonder that many local folk are upset at recent greed-driven developments in the heart of Boonville...
... A.V.H.S. Alumna, Cassidy Hollinger, is just one of several former high school students to have returned from the real world to the Valley to be with family and friends for the holidays. Apart from the ‘peculiar Egyptian roommate’ situation, Cassidy, or Princess Vassar as she is known in some circles in acknowledgement of her current place of education, has settled in well to her new environment in upstate New York. She is thoroughly enjoying the full repertoire of academic and social activities available at such a wonderful college. Having said that, I am reliably informed, by several 3-Dot regulars who saw the film footage, that if the stand-up routine she performed as part of her all-girl comedy troupe’s show on campus is anything to go by, she might as well leave school now and get her talented and happy ass down to The Improv Comedy Club in L.A. and get started on her real career! Good for you, Cass - don’t forget the little people when you hit the big time!
Finally this week, it’s about time once again to share with you a little “interesting and informative” (well I like to think it is) ‘Jive Turkey’… Here we go…Did you know that we Turkey Vultures like our ‘veggies’? Yes, folks, a recent study of almost 400 of our pellets collected in the Castro Valley and Livermore areas in California showed that plant material was the single most common ingredient of the Turkey Vulture's diet. The material consisted primarily of grass and leaves. However, I am proud to announce that animal food items in the pellets included: shrew, mole, squirrel, gopher, mouse, rat, rabbit, bird, reptile, insect, muskrat, opossum, raccoon, skunk, badger, sheep, and coyote – impressive, eh? If not consumed and sterilized by my friends and I, these carcasses would have rotted on the ground and could have spread disease. We truly are nature’s garbage collectors and as I’ve said many times before, “trust me on this - you can thank me later.”
I’m outta here... Have a happy, healthy, and even prosperous 2010... Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Best wishes for 2010, Silver Swan and Grey Goose...

# 188 - December 23rd, 2009

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Hopefully you’re enjoying the spirit of the Holidays and may Hummingbird and I wish you and yours the very best of health and happiness at this time of year and for 2010.
Meanwhile, who is familiar with the Xmas song, ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth’? Most of you, I’m sure. Anyway, with this in mind, I may have a solution to your dental needs as the holiday season moves into top gear. I am reliably informed that more than a few Valley folks are avoiding the ridiculously high costs of such care in this country by choosing instead to fly to San Diego, then driving to Yuma, Arizona, before crossing into Mexico for about two blocks where they are then receiving excellent dental care before returning home. This whole adventure can be done in 48 hours and, in some of the more expensive procedures (root canals or ‘two front teeth’ for example) for about one quarter of the total cost! I’m really not sure what to say other than ‘yer gotta like that!’...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... I was honored to be invited to the Independent Career Women’s (I.C.W.) Xmas Party last week and had a wonderful time. Held at The Boonville Lodge several other 3-Dot regulars were also in attendance and they were in agreement that this group of women, ranging from 20-Somethings to Nonagenarians, is a lot of fun to be around, and not just because the champagne was complimentary...
... A few days later I was also a guest at the Lions Club Christmas Dinner at The Broiler Steakhouse in Redwood Valley. Yet again the company and food was very enjoyable – Danny Kuny telling it like it is and the steak cooked to perfection – and it’s not surprising that this venue receives so many rave reviews and was crowded with holiday partygoers. I am loathed to sing the praises of restaurants outside the Valley but on this occasion I can make an exception so check it out; trust me – you can thank me later...
... Talking of restaurants, I read that Zach Anderson, eldest son of A.V.A. Supreme Leader Bruce, and therefore heir to whatever ‘throne’ that may be, was singing the praises of Lauren’s Restaurant last week following his meal there on a Tuesday evening. It was the only place in town open that night and the satiated reveler added extra kudos for this. Fair enough, I say. However, if Mr. Zzzz had arrived for his rendezvous on a Monday evening instead of a Tuesday, he would have found that The Boonville Lodge was the only option. Furthermore, until two weeks ago, The Lodge had been the only Valley location open every single night of the week, serving the community, for the previous two years! Now it’s doors will close for the final time on December 31st, and until then the restaurant section will be closed on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I just thought you should know...
... Meanwhile, it is unanimously agreed amongst 3-Dot regulars that every town needs a bar/restaurant and one can only hope that those who can make things happen around here realize that this is a fact of life, from a commercial, ‘spiritual’, and, perhaps most importantly, a community point of view. Claws-crossed, I say...
With The Lodge closing, in my humble opinion as the result of the unreasonable demands of a greedy landlord, many in the community are not happy. Lots of locals have expressed, quite frankly and openly, that they are ‘pissed off’ and there is talk of a boycott if, as some suspect, the landlord is in someway connected to any new drinking/eating enterprise at the same location. That may be tough to carry out but in the meantime what is far easier to do is to come up with an appropriate Quote of the Week. How about the wise words of philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer who said, “To some, wealth is like sea-water; the more they drink, the thirstier they become.” It’s almost like Arthur once met some a couple of the landlords of small-businesses in Anderson Valley, wouldn’t you say?
Now before I take my leave and embark on my eating and drinking activities for the next week, let me just pass on to you a couple of Xmas thoughts that have often crossed my mind in recent years. Firstly, as a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco, and for a couple of years being the only straight vulture on a construction crew of five, I feel that I can state in a somewhat curmudgeonly way, but with a degree of authority, that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men and children – not that there is anything wrong with that of course... And secondly, having frequently witnessed the white-bearded grin of A.V.A. Mighty Leader, Bruce Anderson, and heard his jolly laughter on many occasions, I am unable to get over the thought that the red-coated stranger who struggles to come down all of our Valley chimneys in the early hours of December 25th may not actually be Santa Claus. I just thought you should know.
Oops, I think it’s time to get my coat and leave, don’t you? Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. ‘Happy Birthday’ to the Baby Jesus!

# 187 - December 16th, 2009

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin...Only to say that I have to get outta here!... I’m leaving the Nest for a few days before the holidays so if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL, otherwise fresh carrion is always good...

Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 186 - December 9th, 2009

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Following the passing of Guido Pronsolino last week at the grand old age of 83, I attended the celebration of his life in Boonville on Friday afternoon, in amongst the gathering there of more than 350 people, a large percentage of which, like Guido, have been born and bred in The Valley. He was obviously a Valley man through and through; those in attendance could not think of anyone who knew dogs, wool, and how to grow things, as well as Guido, and he certainly left his mark on many aspects of Valley life... I spoke to him at his home a month or so ago and these were just some of the many wise words he shared with me that day...
“We have a wonderful home and the land is pristine – we worked hard at keeping it that way and have done a good job managing it I think. There’s no spit and polish but the gates are all hanging and swinging...I thank our neighbors of the past who gave me the chance to learn the history and hardships of ranching and open space. I have always followed the phrase ‘Take care of your neighbors and they will take care of you’ and I feel privileged to have grown up here, to have raised my family here, to be a part of this community, and to have lived here all of my life here. I hope I have not stepped on anyone to get what I have. I have done nothing superior to others but feel I have done a good job in my heart. Every day is a work day and I have been so fortunate to have ‘Tonto’ (wife, Betty) alongside for the ride – she has been everything to me”... Guido – you clearly made a positive difference in the lives of many and in that of the community you lived, and you did it your way - that’s a wonderful thing. R.I.P.
With Guido’s life in mind, here’s the Quote of the Week featuring some thoughtful words from American poet, author, and naturalist – “I do not want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.” I think Guido showed that this is certainly possible to do...
On to the week’s Public Service Announcements.... #141: First let me correct an error from a couple of weeks ago when informing you about the ‘Original Crab Feed’ scheduled for Saturday, Feb 6th, 2010 at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I gave out an incorrect phone number for Feed organizer, Gloria Ross, who can be contacted for tickets - a perfect Xmas gift perhaps? Gloria’s correct number is 895-3071. After Xmas, tickets will be on sale at various places throughout the Valley... #142: It’s that time again in downtown Boonville – these local businesses will be open on Thursdays in December from 5pm to 7.30pm for your holiday needs and enjoyment – All that Good Stuff, Zub Zub Ice Cream, Farmhouse Mercantile, and Mosswood Market Café and Bakery. Call Sandy at 3996 for further details... #143: The A.V. Community Chorus will be putting on their Christmas Concert at 9pm in Lauren’s Restaurant on Dec 12th... #144: The Food and Craft Mart, which replaces the Farmer’s Market in the winter months, is at The Grange from 1pm to 3pm on Sundays - not Noon to 3pm as previously noted. Call Cindy at 2949 with any inquiries...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... Many regulars were very surprised to learn that I had been invited to the Independent Career Women’s (I.C.W.) Christmas Party to be held this very evening (Wednesday 9th) at The Boonville Lodge. Yes, my invitation was not ‘lost in the mail.’ Wonders will never cease! When I heard the news I nearly choked on the very tasty sheep’s stomach I was devouring at the time. I can’t imagine that tonight’s culinary delights will be as tasty as that but I have no doubt The Lodge will do a fine job and that the company I keep will make the evening a roaring success...
... A vicious rumor ran rampant around the Valley this past week and many regulars at The 3-Dot are keen to learn the truth. Did Pastor Bill Nobles, current cook at the Senior Center, really burn all the pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving? Say it ain’t so, Bill!...
... 3-Dot regulars were saddened to hear of more job losses in the Valley with the news that The Boonville Hotel is downsizing and has laid off virtually all their employees, including long-time staff members Gail Meyer, Elaine Busse, Saffron Fraser, Joel Leach, and Jonesy DeWolf. Following the recent announcement that The Boonville Lodge will be closing sometime in the New Year, with a further thirteen employees put out of work, many of us are wondering what all this is leading to. The Valley has had many ups and downs over the past 160 years and, with the final mill closing earlier this year (meaning there are none here for the first time since 1860), some people are thinking that this could be a significant time of change in the Valley’s history. Obviously the situation has come primarily as a result of the poor economy far beyond the Valley environs, but perhaps we can, and should, help ourselves somewhat. Small businesses are an important part of the heart and soul of a true rural community, and surely we do not want our commerce based entirely around wineries and tasting rooms, so let’s get out there and support the local merchants as often as we can – otherwise we will simply have to miss them when they’re gone...
I’m outta here... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – see you tonight at the I.C.W. Xmas Party!

# 185 - December 2nd, 2009

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Let’s go straight to the topics of conversation under discussion at The Three-Dot Lounge, my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... One topic dominated all others amongst the regulars at The 3-Dot over the last few days – the imminent closure of The Boonville Lodge, the only bar/restaurant in town. For many, many years (since 1921!) it has been the social gathering place for vast numbers of Valley folks, from the old-time shepherds of the pre-war years to the logging families of the last sixty years or so, not to mention a few hippies, Mexicans, and Brightlighters in the past few decades, and even several schoolteachers, winery types, journalists, and other ‘respected’ professionals in more recent times... Why is it closing? Well, according to a reliable inside source, the business is doing fine and at this point is on sound financial footing. However, with the rent being virtually doubled at the end of January 2010, from $1800 to $3500, the prospect of the bar continuing as a going concern is financially unworkable. Therefore, it would appear that the greed of a landlord (not unlike the main reason for the demise of the previous two drinking establishments here in town - The Buckhorn Saloon and The Highpockety Ox) has brought a very premature and unpopular end to another well-liked and solidly supported Valley establishment. What is wrong with these people? Not only have the owners of these establishments lost their businesses and many people have lost their jobs, but also I believe that the entire Valley has lost a very important and significant segment from the social structure of its community. A town without a bar is very rare and there are very good reasons for this. As Samuel Johnson, English wit and social commentator, once said, “Nothing has yet been discovered by man that has given as much pleasure to so many in a community as a good tavern or bar.” He is absolutely correct. Those responsible for this most recent act of personal greed and treachery to a community should be utterly ashamed of themselves. Meanwhile, is there anything that can be done? Hmm? I don’t know exactly but I do know that the pigs on Ornbaun Road are hungry and ‘Greedy Bastard’ is one of their favorite meals. Who’s with me??...

With this topic causing concern to many in the Valley, for the Quote of the Week let’s go to the very simple Italian proverb about greed which perfectly addresses the situation where the avarice of a few is to the detriment of many – “Big mouthfuls often choke.” Fingers-crossed, I say...

Due to last week’s well-received Thanksgiving Day Quiz taking up a large part of that column I am now well behind on the Public Service Announcements so let’s get straight to them...
#104 If you missed hearing Lyme Disease expert Dr. Neil Nathan speak here a couple of months ago, here is a second chance. He will speak on this very pertinent subject on Thursday, December 3rd, 5:30 p.m. at the Anderson Valley Health Clinic. There will be plenty of time for questions following his talk. If you have any further questions, contact Sue at 895-2511.
#105: Farmer’s Market at The Grange – Sundays thru the winter from noon to 3pm.
#106: Annual Holiday Bazaar organized by The A.V. Unity Club to benefit Student Scholarships and the A.V. Library – Sat Dec 5th, 10am-4pm at The Apple Hall. Xmas Gifts, homemade baked goods, and an auction.
#107: There are still plenty of fresh organic eggs available from the A.V.H.S. Ag Department – contact the school or e-mail Beth Swehla at bswehla@mcn.org. They are delicious – trust me on this, you can thank me later.
#108: The 4th Annual Anderson Valley Film Celebration is set for the Grange on the weekend of January 29th – 31st. An impressive line-up of films covering world and local affairs has been assembled and flyers will soon appear around the Valley. For further details contact avff@earthlink.net or check out www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org
#109: The AV Senior Center Crab Feed will be held in the Apple Hall on January 16, 2010. Tickets are $25/person. Happy hour 5:30p. Dinner 6-7:30pm. This Feed features local, fresh crab (from Lemons) – a real treat. What a great Christmas Gift! Call 895-3609 or 272-7248 for tickets.
Up next it’s the latest edition of the Anderson Valley Who’s Who – The A.V. Unity Club.... This year the Board members are: Rene Bissattini - president, Mary Darling - vice president, Barbara Scott - treasurer, and Roybn Harper - secretary...There is a Garden Club section (if you belong to Unity) and it's board members are: Sue Hopkins - president, Robyn Harper - vice president, Sue Davies - secretary, and Eileen Pronsolino - treasurer...The Unity club runs the library, puts on the Xmas bazaar (it’s main fund raiser) gives scholarships to the high school grads, and also donates to community projects, i.e. food bank, etc... The Garden Club section puts on the annual Wildflower show, (it's main fund raiser) and also gives scholarship $ to the high school grads, plus does valley beautification projects (plants at the health center, firehouse, school, etc)... Along with the work involved above, they also do some fun things such as monthly meetings with speakers and refreshments, and also outings. Dues are $25 a year, plus donation of work, baked goods and time! Many thanks to Sue Davies for all the information.
I’m outta here... Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts and, as you wander dispiritedly through a Valley without a Bar, may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net