# 282 - October 26th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I’m sure most of you will have been fascinated by the news story that a U.S. woman had drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed and cut off his penis. A police spokesman in California said, ‘The female cut off his penis with a knife, tossed the penis in the garbage disposal and turned the disposal to the 'on' position. She was arrested on suspicion of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse.’ Isn’t his kind of crime on the increase? In case this phenomenon spreads to the Valley I just thought you should be prepared - well at least half of you...
And here’s some relevant Quotes of the Week that provide a variety of views on the ‘Battle of the Sexes’... "There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper” - feminist Camille Paglia... " I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men” - comedian Dave Barry... “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then” - Katharine Hepburn... “Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats” - Woody Allen... “To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends” - Benjamin Franklin... I like all of these – hope you did too...
And now on to the Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #109 - The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place this Friday, Oct 28, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley beers will be on draft and local wines also available. The Social starts at 6.30pm and Dinner is served at 7pm. Seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details... #110 – The Barn Sale is back this weekend when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early... #111 – Saturday Oct 30 sees the end-of-season pumpkin festival and pot luck at the Boonville Farmers Market. The Market will take place as usual in the Hotel parking lot from 9.30am to noon... #112 – There is a Halloween Party at The Buckhorn that same evening - Saturday, Oct 30... #113 – The Annual Veterans Day event will be held at Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way on Sunday, November 6 at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today... #114 – The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be back in the Valley on Thursday, November 17...
Moving quickly on to a topic that dominated discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge and is summed up by the comments from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’...
Buzzard reports, “Here is an excerpt from the recent article in the S.F. Chronicle by their wine writer Jon Bonné, ‘The past couple years have brought an inevitable changing of hands for many wine properties here, an unparalleled series of sales hastened by the down economy and devastating 2008 wildfires. Influential names had a rare chance to buy into Anderson Valley and they did not hesitate. Napa label Cliff Lede purchased both the young Breggo label and the esteemed Savoy vineyard. Silver Oak bought the Monument Tree vineyard for its Twomey label; Lazy Creek Vineyards, a staple of Mendocino's rustic wine culture, was bought by Healdburg's glitzy Ferrari-Carano; and the ailing Jim Ball property was purchased by a big valley name, Roederer Estate, which intends to make still wine. These followed the arrival of Napa heavies Cakebread and Duckhorn, the latter of which telegraphed a major shift in the Anderson Valley style when it unveiled its Goldeneye wines’... “Well who are most of these people? Do you see them in our post offices or at Philo’s Lemons’ Market of the A.V. Market in Boonville? Do they go to the Senior Centre, shop in town, or have any connection to the schools? This is progress? As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘All progress means war with society.’ I agree with both this wise Irish social commentator and also my good friend, the not quite so wise Turkey Vulture, who commented, ‘At this point in history, clearly the lunatics are running the asylum and isn’t it about time there was some serious discussion about a People’s Revolution and a bit more ‘Occupying’?’... I’m with you, Vulture, it’s time to ‘man the battlements’, raise up the drawbridge, and prepare for ‘war’ as the Apocalypse approaches!”...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the sun still shining and some quite warm days expected, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 281 - October 19th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The Candidates for the upcoming A.V. School Board were in the public spotlight last week at the High School cafeteria as they introduced themselves to the voters and fielded a series of questions, none of which were particularly difficult to deal with and all five came out of the evening quite well. Towards the end of the evening there were a couple of questions that could have been awkward for some but candidates Ben Anderson and Ernie Pardini handled the two somewhat clumsily worded inquiries by Colin Wilson (wearing his Fire Chief’s uniform) in a dignified, succinct, and sincere manner. There were no specific questions for the other three candidates...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready – there is a lot going on... #104 – The Fall Pledge Drive for our KZYX & Z local public radio will run from Oct 15 to 23... #105 – The Haz Mat vehicle to take away your ‘nasty stuff’ will return to the Valley at the Fairgrounds’ parking lot on Fri/Sat Oct 21/22... #106 – This weekend, on Friday, October 21, the Ashland, Oregon Shakespeare Festival actors will be performing some of the Bard’s works on the stage at The Grange. This event is put on by the Education Foundation and starts with a reception and silent auction at 6.30pm with the show starting at 7.30pm. There will be a no host bar, appetizers, sweets, etc and admission is $20 for adults, $10 18 and Under... #107 - The annual ‘U-Pick Pumpkins and Wagon Rides’ is coming up once again at Gowan’s Oak Tree and Fruit Stand north of Philo. This will take place on Sat/Sun, Oct 22/23, from 11am to 4pm each day, and it’s free!... #108 – High School Student Art is still showing at Lauren’s Restaurant while Cyndee Hollinger’s mixed media art is at Laughing Dog Books...
Take a breath... Onward... #109 - The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Oct 28, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple (locally grown) & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley Beers will be on draft (Poleeko Pale Ale & Boont Amber) and local wines also available...Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville... #110 – The Barn Sale is back at the end of the month when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early, and in the relative calm of the Valley rather than the holiday madness of Ukiah and beyond in the weeks to follow...
And #111 gets a paragraph to itself... It’s an early-ish heads-up for the annual Veterans Day (Friday Nov 11th) event held at Evergreen Cemetery on A.V. Way. This year it will take place on Sunday, November 6th at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. In terms of taking a deep breath and thinking about what really matters, in my humble opinion, this is one of the more important community gatherings of the year. It will last less than an hour so why not mark it on your calendar today!
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics that arose this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite meeting place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... As mentioned above, Candidate for School Board, Ben Anderson was specifically asked a question at the ‘Meet the Candidates’ gathering last week regarding the apparent concern held by some that he was simply running to ‘stir the pot’ on the Board, being a pawn following the instructions of his father – A.V.A. Supremo, Bruce Anderson. ‘Would he be the son of his father?’ was the final wording. After clearing up any confusion about whether he is ‘the son of his father’, Ben capably dealt with the crux of this somewhat insulting question, politely stating that he had his own ideas as to how the School Board could and should move forward. At the 3-Dot later that evening, Ben shared the fact that “If anyone wants to see how much me and my Dad agree on things they should come to our house at Christmas – it is not pretty!”...
... Talking about ‘pretty’, last week I conducted a poll of 20 high school boys in which I asked how they would vote on a school uniform referendum. Their response was an absolute and unanimous ‘No’ vote. However, when asked how they would vote if it only the girls would be in uniform, it was a unanimous ‘Yes’. They even generously offered to share their thoughts on the design of such a uniform. I don’t think I need to go on...
... What happened to those four wonderful horses, two adults and their offspring, that could be seen grazing in the field alongside Hwy 128 next to Breggo Cellars all summer long? Many readers would appreciate any update, I’m sure...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “I visited Hendy Woods this past weekend. Is there a more perfect location in which to reflect on one’s existence, the meaning of life, and be at one with nature? Not in my experience there isn’t, and the thought that this very special place may be closed to the public due to county cutbacks is surely one of the more distressing signs that the Apocalypse is indeed approaching...”
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 280 - October 12th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... By the time you read this, the candidates for School Board will have had their public ‘meet and greet’ session at the school cafeteria and hopefully there was a good turnout by the community and each of the potential board members gave a good account of themselves. This upcoming election is one of the more important of the past few years and voter turnout on Nov 8th will surely be higher than the some of poor showings in recent times, particularly given the number of people around here who talk/praise/criticize the education system, the schools, and the kids - this is your chance to walk the walk, folks...
Quotes of the Week... With the election just a few weeks away, here are a few quotes that seem relevant... First up are these words from Elizabeth Cady Stanton, (1815 – 1902), an American social activist, abolitionist, and leading figure of the early woman's movement. “To throw obstacles in the way of a complete education is like putting out the eyes”... Some of the more cynical amongst you might feel Mark Twain was closer to the truth when he said, “In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards”... However, perhaps the most pertinent comment comes from Jonathan Kozol (born 1936), a non-fiction writer, educator, and activist, best known for his books on public education, who said, “More money is put into prison construction than into schools. That, in itself, is a description of a nation bent on suicide. I mean, what’s more precious to us than our children? We’re going to be building a lot more prisons if we don’t deal with the education and school systems in this country”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready – we have a busy few days and weeks ahead... #101 - Pat Hulbert’s Bake Sale will take place on the porch at Lemons Market in Philo at 10am on Saturday, October 15th. All proceeds will benefit the Philo Methodist Church and Pat Hulbert’s cookies, Zuke bread, Huckleberry and Apple pies, and tarts, are not to be missed – they will sell out, I’m sure... #102 – That same morning, Sat Oct 15th, sees The Ukeaholics performing at the Boonville Farmer’s Market. As always, the Market runs from 9.30pm to Noon... #103 – Almost immediately following the Market, right next door at The Hotel, it’s the fundraiser for ‘Cycked’ – the group trying to get a bike trail set up from the Valley to the coast. This event will run from 12.30 to 3pm with food treats and a bike raffle. Tickets are $35 - $50 sliding scale and you can call the Hotel for further details at 895-2210... #104 – The Fall Pledge Drive for our KZYX & Z local public radio will run from Oct 15th to 23rd... #105 – The annual ‘U-Pick Pumpkins and Wagon Rides’ is coming up once again at Gowan’s Oak Tree and Fruit Stand north of Philo. This will take place on consecutive weekends - Sat/Sun, Oct 15/16 and 22/23, from 11am to 4pm each day, and it’s free!... #106 – Due to a shortage of staff once again there will be no visit to the Valley by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital this month – sad but true. We have gone from two visits a month to zero – clearly not a satisfactory situation for anybody. I’ll keep you posted... #107 – The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Oct 28th, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple (locally grown) & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley Beers will be on draft (Poleeko Pale Ale & Boont Amber) and local wines also available...Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Good thoughts - Several regulars have commented on the number of ‘Yes on Libraries’ placards, flyers, and buttons that have appeared around the Valley recently. With an important vote on this issue coming up in the November elections, it is indeed encouraging to find out that there appears to be many people out there who still read books. I was beginning to worry because when at the high school a few weeks ago I heard one senior say to another, “Why would I read a book?” - shocking yet true. Meanwhile, I’ll buy a beer for the first person to tell me where there is a ‘No on Libraries’ sign...
... Moans and groans - From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Apparently there are people in the Valley who order tickets for events on will call (i.e. pick them up and pay for them at the door on the night) and then either don’t show up or fail to call to cancel their tickets, which, if they did, would thus enable the organizers to sell them to somebody else. This is irritating enough when tickets could be purchased by others for any otherwise sold out event, but it is particularly disappointing, and surely a sign of the’ Approach of the Apocalypse’, when the event in question is a fundraiser for our local seniors...”
... Rampant Rumors – there are none this week. Well none that I can share for public consumption in a family newspaper!
I’m outta here... With the rain passed we are expecting more days of warm weather so it is worth remembering to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 279 - October 5th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... It’s raining! Well, it is that time of year and hopefully everyone got their roofs fixed, gutters cleared, wood piles tarped, and whatever else under cover before the downpours of the last day or two. No doubt this was a topic of conversation wherever you went in the Valley over the past few days which reminds me that it was Charles Dudley Warner (September 12, 1829 – October 20, 1900), an American essayist, novelist, and friend of Mark Twain who amusingly commented, “Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” And that is your Quote of the Week...
Onward to the Public Service Announcements - calendars and pens at the ready... #423 - This week’s Boonville Farmer’s Market gathering in the parking lot at The Boonville Hotel (Sat, Oct 8th) will feature all the usual goodies, plus music from The Hubbert’s – Leslie and Michael. It’s all happening between 9.30am and noon... #424 - It’s the second Tuesday of the month on October 11th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now - you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center... #425 – The A.V. Community Action Coalition is putting on an event at the high school cafeteria at which the public can meet the candidates who are running for the School Board. This will take place on Tuesday, Oct 11th at 6.30pm... #426 – There is an Abalone Festival in Ft. Bragg later this week and the Steele Wines Harvest Festival in Kelseyville also sometime soon, I think, but both are non-Valley events taking people and their money out of town so, in my humble opinion, who cares?...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Many regulars are already looking forward to the ‘Meet the Candidates’ event mentioned above. The five runners going for the three open positions are incumbents Marti Bradford and Dick Browning, along with Ben Anderson, Ernie Pardini, and Don Harris. One can only hope that those elected will ‘do the right thing’ and provide some ideas on how to get through these difficult times for our local public education... Having said that, hopefully the questions they are asked are not pre-screened, thus allowing the candidates to show an ability to think on their feet and express themselves is an articulate and thoughtful way... Unfortunately, I have a feeling this may not be the case - with regards to whether the questions are pre-screened or not that is!...
... Talking of ‘community service’ in a slightly different way, it would be hard to beat the wonderful efforts of Cory Morse and her crew of assistant cooks, servers, and dishwashers who last Friday evening served a really delicious fried chicken dinner to the sixty guests at the sold out ‘Guest Chef Dinner’ event to benefit the Senior Center. The chicken was delicious, as were all the fixings, but perhaps my personal highlight was the apple pie (made with Jonathon apples) with a crumbly top served with Cow’s Lick ice cream. Words fail me, apart from one - ‘orgasmic’... Next month (Oct 28th) the event will have an Oktoberfest theme with A.V. Brewery general manager, Fal Allen, as the guest chef. Details to follow...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “The words ‘No collar, no tags’ are seen and heard time after time on the ‘missing dog’ reports in the Valley. What is wrong with dog owners who neglect their ‘beloved’ pet in this way? How do they expect to retrieve their missing dog without what should be a basic requirement of dog ownership. This is easily done... Assuming Internet connection and a credit card are available, go to www.tagxpress.com, make a simple choice, pay les than $10 and the tag will arrive in a week or so. As for the collar? Try the Farm Supply, Lemons, A.V. Market... Your dog loves you unconditionally, it’s the least you can do...”
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until next time - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!