# 386 - December 25th, 2013

        Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Hopefully you’re enjoying the spirit of the Holidays and may Hummingbird and I wish you and yours the very best of health and happiness at this time of year…… That’s enough sloppy sentimentality for any Turkey Vulture to express, so let’s move swiftly on…

         With all the excesses of the holiday season I have inevitably come to the conclusion that, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for ‘New Yorker’ magazine, almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening”. So, with the dawn of a New Year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2014 – “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television” – difficult to argue with that, I’d say; even if you are one of those Valley folks who never misses a chance to tell others that you don’t have a television... Continuing to move swiftly on…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #117 - The always fun New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville features Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys accompanied by vocalist Susan Clark.  Dinner is served from 5pm-9pm and the Dance Party will follow. $10 cover… #118 - There is also a live music event at The Grange on New Year‘s Eve featuring Stevan Derwinski’s Joe Blow Band… #119 - The Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville is closed over the holidays and therefore will not be serving the regular community lunches and dinners. They will re-open for lunch on Tuesday, January 7… #120 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #121 - One for your new calendar - it’s some time off but on Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Popular Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here for the same cause a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley, the profits from which will go to high school student scholarships. More details to follow…
       … And remember, the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the big night out on January 18 and Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the feast on Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Several regulars were quick to dispel the scary rumor that former A.V. Brewery owner, Ken Allen, was now earning a little extra pocket money as a volunteer Santa Claus at Macy’s in San Francisco…

… Liquor license update… It appears that the new license applied for by The Buckhorn, Boonville, is still on course despite the protest of one local curmudgeon who shall remain nameless at this time. Suffice it to say, this mean-spirited and unreasonable complaint has been rejected by the powers-that-be… The other license apparently is still up for grabs, although rumors are swirling about certain local folks buying that license and also opening up a bar in central Boonville some time in the coming months… We would still have more churches than bars so this all sounds very reasonable to me - come on now, fair’s fair…

… The obvious discussion point at many Valley gatherings at this time is the weather - come to think of it, when isn’t it discussed? Inevitably the complete lack of rain is the concern and with little sign of any on the way this may well be a record-breaking year with many potentially unfortunate consequences. Two old-timers I spoke to were sure that there was a similarly dry year in the late forties and that was about it as far back as they could remember…

… What a lovely event the annual Christmas Carol Sing-a-long at Lauren’s Restaurant was, as a gathering of about fifty folks belted out all the classics in fine style accompanied by pianist Lynn Archambault. Even a curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture like myself was beaming with joy, well smiling with contentment at least, although that may have been due more to the afterglow from the delicious Turkey sandwich and mashed potatoes with a Chocolate Brownie Sundae for dessert, washed down with a couple of Guinness and a tipple of hot cider…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “As the year comes to a close you may have been expecting me to rant on about the various signs in 2013 that the Apocalypse was getting near. But no, I am in fact here to point out a few reasons why it may still remain some way off… In no particular order… The local high school saw some significant changes, the most important of which - the hiring of new Principal Michelle Hutchins, is looking like one of the best in some time; talking of the school - two more Championships were added to the trophy cabinet by the boys’ soccer and girls’ volleyball teams; no wineries have closed, despite there now being about thirty in operation, all of which I wish well; the Valley’s social events were on the whole better attended than in recent years; the Valley’s liquor license has been almost certainly saved and none of the churches burned down; fewer dogs were run over as they ran alongside the trucks driven by their owners in the Valley’s worst and least successful ‘sport’; fewer examples of selfish landlords and rude tourists: some splendid new restaurants have opened as they and others continue to provide us with many great dining options; Bruce McEwan returned to the Valley and resumed his position at the AVA as one of the best court reporters in the country; we still have a Sheriff’s Deputy in town, albeit somewhat part-time;  our corps of Valley volunteers remain steadfast in their commitments to the many Valley organizations they support; and we still have the magnificent Hendy Woods to visit!... Yes, folks, things are looking up - which is great for the Valley but no so good for my job security as the Turkey Vulture’s leading Apocalypse correspondent”…

       Thank you, Buzzard, and despite the positive message, your job is safe for now… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

       Best wishes for a healthy and rewarding 2014,

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?

p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…

p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

# 385 - December 18th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… So here we are once again – the holiday season and the end of yet another year just around the corner. What happened to 2013? It was just beginning and now it’s about to end. It would appear that, just like many others, I was just too busy living it to really enjoy it. That’s too bad and a lesson to be learned...

       So now Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanzaa or whatever is upon us and with that comes all of the razzamatazz, hype, and pressure that such times smother so many folks with. Every year it seems to get more frantic. However, up here at The Nest we plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest, ultimately this time is really only for a couple of groups of people - children (for all the obvious reasons) and gay men - as a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco as the only straight Turkey Vulture on a construction crew of five, I feel that I can make that observation with a degree of authority. Not that there is anything wrong with this of course, and happy holidays to each and every one of them... Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good...

      

       And for an appropriate Quote of the Week, let me refer you to this observation by one of the greatest of all Americans - Benjamin Franklin, who said, “How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, his precepts! Oh! ‘Tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.” Yes, Ben, it would appear that it certainly is, but, as you uttered those words back in the 1700’s, it would seem things were the same back then as they are today. That’s surprising. After all, in matters of piety and social behavior, I always assume things were so much more ‘civilized’ back then. I don’t feel so bad knowing that maybe they weren’t...         

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #114 - Useful numbers at this time of year - for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know… #115 - Lauren’s Annual Christmas Caroling Party with Lynn Archambault is on Saturday December 21 at 8:30pm. Songbooks will be provided… #116 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions in January 2014 - Thursdays, Jan 16 and 23. Call 462-8833 for further details. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #117 - The always fun New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville features Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys accompanied by vocalist Susan Clark.  Dinner is served from 5pm-9pm and the Dance Party will follow. $10 cover…

       … And remember, the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the big night out on January 18 and Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the feast on Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is notice of the Community Holiday Lunch at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville on Thursday, December 19… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… It is the final lunch of the year and what a special one it is too! Served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, this will be Roast Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Peas, Gravy, Rolls, Quinoa Salad, and Pumpkin Cake for dessert… The Center will then take a break for the holidays until the New Year, re-opening for lunch on Tuesday, January 7… Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Many 3-Dot regulars have observed the white-bearded grin of A.V.A. Mighty Leader, Bruce Anderson, and heard his jolly laughter on many occasions. With this in mind, I am unable to get over the thought that the red-coated stranger who struggles to come down our Valley chimneys in the early hours of December 25th may not actually be Santa Claus… Now that’s something to ponder as you go to bed on Christmas Eve...

… … A few regulars have commented that some KZYX & Z chat shows have recently featured the opinions of various holistic healing advocates who seem to be suffering from some sort of illness and have had to explain their raspy voice or sniffling nose when they are on the air discussing various healing techniques - ironic to say the least. My advice? Take some DayQuil/NyQuil medication made by a giant pharmaceutical company; serve up a few less veggies on your plate to make room for some extra red meat; imbibe a couple of glasses of wine or a few sips of warm brandy; have a roaring fire on the go; and curl up with a good book – I can almost guarantee that you’ll soon feel much better…

… I am very pleased to report that my #1 fan,  “Confused of Comptche, California” stopped by the 3-Dot to offer holiday greetings and share some words to the wise… “My great Uncle Ernest was born in 1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn't as impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged sixteen when he choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924”… Thanks for the warning, Mr. Confused…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “My latest plan to boost the economy around here is one that, if successful, would certainly suggest that the Apocalypse is almost upon us. Allow me to elaborate… Not for the first time, and not for the last I’m sure, the conversation at The 3-Dot turned to the ‘luminaries’ who live here in the Valley. After skipping quite quickly through names of current residents such as the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Alice Walker (‘The Color Purple’), accomplished actor Rene Auberjonois, and Nobel Laureate Cary Mullis, inevitably the less celebrated but perhaps equally famous or rather infamous names of those who at one point lived here were discussed in greater depth. Many readers not from this area may not be aware of this but I am reliably informed that the list includes convicted killer Charles Manson (of the Manson Family), formerly of Gschwend Road in the Christine Woods region; Jim Jones of People’s Temple fame and a member of the A.V. High School faculty in the late sixties; convicted sex offender and kidnapper Kenneth Parnell, resident of Mountain View Road in the early seventies; serial killer Charles Lake, commune-dweller in Philo in the early eighties (just before embarking on his diabolical murder spree with Charles Ng in Calaveras County); and ‘Tree Frog’ Johnson, formerly of Boonville in the seventies, another infamous child abductor/abuser... Obviously these days the Valley is an exceptionally friendly, harmonious, and community-minded place to live. However, these former ‘Valley People’, the perpetrators of some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, all once lived here and that fact is a small but unique part of the Valley’s history, albeit in a way that some choose to ignore and I’m sure this information does not appear in the Chamber of Commerce’s literature - yet!...‘Tours of Evil People’s Homes’ anyone? - I think it might prove to be a big earner of tourists’ dollars…”

       Well, thanks for that ‘interesting’ idea, Buzzard, and now I think it’s time for us to take our leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey… And Happy Holidays!”…

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well…

p.p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

             

# 384 - December 11th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Is it cold enough for you? I thought so. As is often the case when the first such significant cold spell hits the Valley, it is the main talking point around town. This is understandable of course, but obviously we have nowhere near the inclement weather that so much of the country has to endure. Around here, to my usual garb I just add woolly socks, long johns, a thermal vest, a pair gloves, a scarf, and a balaclava to protect my head, ears and beak, and I’m fine. It’s not as if we are in the German Army on the outskirts of Moscow in the winter of 1941-42 enduring temperatures of -45 C in summer uniforms with no food, thousands of miles from home, surrounded by marauding Cossack hordes bent of revenge for the atrocities perpetrated on the Russian people… Now that was suffering…

       Speaking of which, for your Quotes of the Week, I have a few classic comments on the topic of ‘suffering.’ I know we are all trying to be joyful and festive at this time of year but a few thoughtful quotes on such a subject may make us appreciate what we have just a little more. Here we go… From Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915), the American writer, publisher, artist, and philosopher, come these wise words, “God will not look you over for medals, degrees, or diplomas, but for scars!”… And this from Helen Keller (1880-1968), the American author, political activist, and advocate for the blind, amongst other things, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it”… And finally, this observation from Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900), the famous German philologist, philosopher, cultural critic, poet and composer who commented, “What really raises ones indignation against suffering is not suffering intrinsically, but the senselessness of suffering”… Too true… Onward…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #150 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will next be in town at the A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow Thursday, December 12. They offer a full service featuring house calls in the morning and your entire vet needs from 2pm to 3.30pm in the afternoon at the A.V. Farm Supply. Call 462-8833 for further details, and if you are a previous client you can call them 48 hours in advance to ensure that your pet’s charts are brought ‘over the hill’ and also order any medications your pet might need. New customers and their pets are always welcome. It is there last visit of the year so take advantage of their presence and take care of all your pet needs.… #151 - On Saturday December 14 at 8:30pm, Lauren’s Restaurant welcomes the return of Pop Up Cinema with a screening of ‘Chasing Ice,’ a documentary that follows acclaimed National Geographic photographer James Balog, once a skeptic about climate change, on his Extreme Ice Survey from which he discovers undeniable evidence of our changing planet… #152 - The A.V. Historical Society’s always-enjoyable Christmas Gathering is from 2pm-5pm on Sunday, December 15 at the Little Red School House… #153 - The A.V. Lions Club has their annual Xmas Party on Tuesday, Dec 17 at The Buckhorn, an event that is obviously ‘invitation only’ for Lions Club members and their loved ones. Apologies to those who thought they could just turn up and freeload off the hard-working Lions as they enjoy a well-deserved evening of wining and dining!… #154 - Lauren’s Annual Christmas Caroling Party with Lynn Archambault is on Saturday December 21 at 8:30pm. Songbooks will be provided…

       Christmas Day and New Year’s Day are on Wednesdays this year and in between them is, of course, the annual New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys with Susan Clark.  Dinner served from 5pm-9pm and Dance Party to follow. $10 cover… And of course the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the big night out on January 18 and Gloria Ross at 895-3017 for the feast on Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for Community Lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, December 12, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Beef Stew, Rolls, Broccoli Salad, Quinoa Salad, with Cherry Pineapple Dump Cake … Then next Tuesday, December 17, the menu will feature Asian Pork, Noodles, Asian Slaw, Wheat Berry Salad, and Bread Pudding for dessert… On Thursday, December 19, Marti will be serving Roast Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Peas, Gravy, Rolls, Quinoa Salad, and Pumpkin Cake. This will be the final lunch of the year before the Center takes a break for the holidays until the New Year, re-opening for lunch on Tuesday, January 7… Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… On Friday I was one of the Dependent Jobless Men that attended the ICW’s (Independent Career Women) Christmas Party. As is my custom, I was the last to leave once again and wish to thank the ICW members for their hospitality, and the large doses of both their sparkling conversation and sparkling wine…

… The following evening, Hummingbird and I were at the annual Awards Dinner and Xmas Party hosted by the Volunteer Fire Department at Wellspring in Philo. We were served a delicious brined and roasted turkey dinner and joined in with the cheers as the charming and clearly capable new chief, Andres Avila, distributed the well-deserved awards. The top awards went to Fireman-of-the-Year Kris Kellum and Rookie-of-the-Year Fal Allen, and there was a memorable standing ovation for the retiring CSD secretary Joanie Clark… A lovely evening, I must say…

… A couple of the 3-Dot regulars did attend the Community Holiday Dinner at The Grange on Sunday but the rest of us declined. We were informed, I assume correctly, that alcohol is not allowed at this event - apparently a family/community gathering should not entertain such a thing. So, being members of the community who quite like to enjoy a glass of wine with our dinner, we gave it a miss. No doubt some folks smuggled alcohol in and discreetly sipped, taking care not to be ’exposed’ as miscreants or for being a bad influence on our naive and vulnerable children. While acknowledging the work that it takes to put on such an event, in my humble opinion, and that of others who have commented, this alcohol ban is a somewhat exclusionist policy and hardly lends itself to a sense of community spirit (pun intended) for an event that no doubt requires lots of volunteer help, is great concept, and an important Valley ‘happening' and some sensitive souls felt left out...

... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Several regulars have recently commented, many of them quite angrily, on the wide range of propane prices in the Valley at this time of year. I have done intensive research and in summation it would seem that the whole propane business is one big racket, with deals offered either with little rhyme or reason or at the discretion of the person in the office, particularly if the threat of changing company is made. Meanwhile, special offers are made to entice new customers, mysterious add-on fees and surcharges appear on bills, and exorbitant charges are made to remove tanks if a customer changes their propane company. All in all, it is a very unsatisfactory situation and I can only advise propane users take these few precautions. Try to compare the prices of the four main companies – Suburban Propane (462-3858), Ferrellgas (463-1515), Eel River Fuels (462-5554), and Redwood Coast Fuels (463-3100) and get them to lock in your opening price for as long as you can; check bills from one to the next and be aware of significant price rises per gallon; if your price per gallon goes up, call to inquire why and do not be put off with vague explanations – ask to talk to the supervisor if you are not satisfied... Good luck with this, you will need it…”      

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…

p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

p.p.p.p.s. Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin

# 383 - December 4th, 2013

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… So how was your Turkey Day? Excessive and ‘over-the-top’, I hope. I was kindly invited to an event attended by a cross-generational group of Valley folks from a wide range of backgrounds. It was very enjoyable indeed and the variety of folks in attendance just accepted a basic Valley principle - the Turkey Vulture gets the Turkey Leg - and so an ‘ugly scene’ was avoided on such a day of thankfulness…             

       And for your Quote of the Week, and to perhaps explain my philosophy regarding the Thanksgiving Day festivities, may I offer these words from the wonderful novelist and short story writer, W. Somerset Maugham (‘Of Human Bondage’ (1915)), who wisely observed, “Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.” – good stuff, William... Of course I could have given you the classic comment on this topic by William Blake. In fact, as this is the mantra for any self-respecting Turkey Vulture, I think I will anyway. It was Blake, a fine poet, who said, “The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” Who can argue with that?... Moving on…

       And from the Quote let’s go straight on to Letter of the Week… This is the latest contribution to my mailbox from one of my biggest fans - ‘Confused of Comptche, California’…”Dear Turkey Vulture, I read with interest that the U.S Air Force has decided to replace the nude paintings of popular topless models on the side of their drones with plain silhouettes for fear of offending the Muslims they are currently bombing the s*** out of with their strikes. I wholeheartedly applaud this display of sensitivity to another culture”… One to ponder briefly and move on…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready - it appears that there’s certainly lots for you to do over the holidays… #144 - The Boonville Winter Market is now on its winter schedule and at the new venue. It can be enjoyed on Saturday mornings at The Boonville General Store from 11am-1pm… #145 - The Independent Career Women (ICW) have their Christmas Party this Friday, December 6 - to which their Dependent Jobless Men are invited… #146 – The monthly Barn Sale returns for it’s final weekend of the year on Sat/Sun, Dec 7/8, at The Big Barn on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, and runs from 10am to 3pm each day. There will be bargains galore for your Christmas shopping… #147 - The Annual Holiday Bazaar organized by The A.V. Unity Club to benefit Student Scholarships and the A.V. Library is on Saturday, December 7 from 10am-4pm at The Apple Hall and will feature Xmas Gifts, homemade baked goods, and an auction… #148 - At Lauren’s Restaurant on Saturday December 7 at 9pm it’s live music with Boontstomp and Soren Sun… #149 - The Community Holiday Dinner is on Sunday, December 8 at The Grange… #150 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will next be in town at the A.V. Farm Supply on Thursday, December 12 from 2pm-3.30pm… #151 - Then on Saturday December 14 at 8:30pm it’s the return of Pop Up Cinema with a screening of Chasing Ice, a documentary that follows acclaimed National Geographic photographer James Balog, once a skeptic about climate change, on his Extreme Ice Survey from which he discovers undeniable evidence of our changing planet… #152 - The A.V. Historical Society’s always-enjoyable Christmas Gathering is from 2pm-5pm on Sunday, December 15 at the Little Red School House… # 153 - The A.V. Lions Club has their annual Xmas Party on Tuesday, Dec 17 at The Buckhorn, a venue where there is now a Smoked BBQ Ribs special every Wednesday, along with the continuing Mexican Mondays and Prime Rib Thursdays… #154 - Lauren’s Annual Christmas Caroling Party with Lynn Archambault is on Saturday December 21 at 8:30pm. Songbooks will be provided…

       Christmas Day and New Year’s Day are on Wednesdays this year and in between them is, of course, the annual New Year’s Eve Party at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys with Susan Clark.  Dinner served from 5pm-9pm and Dance Party to follow. $10 cover… And of course the Valley will have the two extremely popular annual crab feeds in the first few weeks of the New Year... The Crab Feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 18... And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 1, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the big night out on January 18 and. in a week or so, Gloria Ross at 895-3017 will begin ticket sales for the feast on Feb 1. Remember - both events sell out every year…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, Dec 5, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Chicken & Dumplings, Brussels Sprouts, Rolls, Farro Salad, and Lemon Pudding Cake for dessert … Then next Tuesday evening, Dec 10 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Sweet Mustard Chicken, Rice, Carrots, Orange Gelatin, Tabbouleh with a dessert of Brown Sugar Pound Cake. This will be followed by a short performance by the Anderson Valley Community Choir that will lead right into Bingo! Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… Over-officious bureaucracy and narrow-mindedness notwithstanding, a license to sell ‘proper’ alcohol, along with beer and wine of course, is on its way to The Buckhorn in Boonville!... This is obviously wonderful news for the many Valley folks who enjoy a civilized martini at the end of the day, or perhaps a single malt Scotch at the end of the night… Well done to owner Tom Towey for his hard work and diligence, community-minded spirit, and excellent business sense in making sure such options are available to Valley folks. Just like a post office and church, every community should have them…

… Belated congratulations to the high school boys’ soccer and girls volleyball teams and their recent championships. Is there a small school that can even come close to the annual achievements of these two programs? I think not. There must be something in the Valley’s water is one theory… In the case of the volleyball team, this success comes with more than a hint of sadness to many with the announcement that Flick McDonald, the program’s legendary coach, is now going to retire. Needless to say, after leading the girls to so much success over the years, his presence on the sidelines will be greatly missed…

… As mentioned above in the P.S.A.’S, the Independent Career Women (I.C.W.) celebrate the holidays with their annual party on Friday, Dec 6. This is one of the most sought after tickets of the season, for men anyway. I hope to be there, representing my gender and species, and, as is my custom over the years, I shall endeavor to be the last to leave once again. I think I’ll have a good chance of keeping up that record, unless of course I am asked to leave earlier in the evening following some kind of ‘unfortunate misunderstanding’...

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “Black Friday! What about Ugly Grey Thursday?! Yes, the once ‘sacred’ Thanksgiving Day itself is now under attack. With the opening of so many large stores, insisting their staff work on such a holiday, not only does the corporate world wallow in even more greed and distastefulness, but the intense consumer activity and bargain shopping is truly astounding, not to mention the way many of them behave when they are doing so. This ‘scene’ was previously reserved for ‘Black Friday,’ though contrary to popular belief, this name was not due to the injuries and deaths that periodically occur during retail stampedes. Perhaps I am missing something but I thought Thanksgiving was a day of quality time spent with family and friends. I guess I am naïve but this increasing trend is, in my humble opinion, quite sad, and one which indicates far too vividly both an ugly side of America and the fast approach of the Apocalypse”…

       Thank you, Buzzard - it’s hard to disagree… Oh, dear, have we upset somebody? – Well, in that case, Buzzard and I will get our coats and leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.p.s. Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!