# 295 - January 25th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... How about a great bit of news? Over $5K was made in profits from the recent crab feed to benefit the A.V. Senior Center! Given the price of crab ($5 a pound), this is an exceptional total and goes to show that not only did people come out to support the Seniors, they also spent money generously at the bar and on raffle tickets and silent auction when they were there. On behalf of our Seniors, I have been asked to pass on their deep appreciation to the many people who contributed in one way or another to putting the event together, and of course those who attended this wonderful gathering – a virtually unique event at which the community sits down to eat together...
And for your Quote of the Week, let’s stay with good causes and turn to this comment from Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892), the American poet, essayist, journalist, humanist, and wit, who perceptively pointed out, “Charity and personal force are the only investments worth anything:... And of course, I should also mention these wise words from Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) the English philosopher, statesman, and scientist who said, “In charity there is no excess” – not when it comes to the giving-folks of Anderson Valley it would seem...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #117 – This coming weekend sees the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival taking place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class, with some films accompanied by the filmmakers themselves, present to discuss their projects. Beer from the A.V. Brewery, local wines, and hot and cold food is available, including delicious tacos from Alicia’s Restaurant. All profits will go to the A.V. Senior Center, A.V. Animal Rescue, and the A.V. High School Film Class. All Festival details can be found on the Festival website which is at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org... #118 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, January 26th from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #119 – A few Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of the Valley’s two crab feeds but it is anticipated they will sell out very soon, if they haven’t already. This is the 10th ‘Original’ Crab Feed, benefiting the Catholic Church, and it is to be held on Saturday, February 4th. For ticket information, call Gloria Ross at 895-3071. As usual, the event is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the previous crab feed, this is one of the best pure Valley-dweller gatherings of the year...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Following the aforementioned crab feed, several revelers continued with their evening at The Boonville Saloon (formerly The Boonville Lodge). By 1am, three of them were in no shape to drive home to Philo so, to solve this dilemma, bartender Cindy Hughbanks stepped up and drove them there. Now that’s what I call excellent bartending and a full service bar!...
... Another ‘feel good’ story that regulars at The 3-Dot were sharing this past week was the sight of several employees and out-of-town sales people employed by the A.V. Brewery, led by co-owner Trey, enjoying a hearty lunch at the Senior Center. Brewery manager, Fal Allen is on the Senior Center Board and no doubt encouraged this and I must say it was very pleasing to see. Some Valley business folks are never seen out and about in the community and that has always puzzled me...
... The 3-Dot was closed on Sunday afternoon, so along with many regulars I endured the disappointing loss by the 49ers among a large crowd of local 49er fans who assembled at The Buckhorn, Boonville. For one and all, the afternoon was no doubt an emotional rollercoaster that ultimately crashed and burned following the bonehead play by the ‘Niners’ second-string punt-returner – his second such egregious era of the game, which together led directly to 10 points for the opposition. I imagine he left San Francisco on a red-eye flight very early on Monday morning, never to return... Nevertheless, not to make light of such a disappointing loss to the big bad N.Y. Giants (in overtime 17-20), there was a silver-lining - the large plate of hot and spicy wings were back to their very best and when served with a pint of Guinness for $12, the excruciating loss was almost bearable... But not quite...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 294 - January 18th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And while it is a little late, I’m sure the sentiments still apply when I pass on the best wishes for many happy returns on the Birthdays of these Valley folks, who all will enjoy their special day in January: Shirley Hulbert, Jim Nickless, Vicky Centers, Gene Walker, Eva Johnson, Sue Davis, Patrick Ford, and Maureen Bowman...
This past Saturday night saw the first of the Valley’s two Crab Feed gatherings – arguably the best ‘pure’ Valley events of the year in the sense that the vast majority of those who attend are from across the wide spectrum of Valley folks. This one benefited the A.V. Senior Center and with a turnout of over 250, a very brisk business at the bar, and the sale of many raffle tickets, I’m sure that the Center will be most grateful for the community’s very generous support. So many people come together to put together an event of this size, from the Sr. Center Board led by the effervescent and tireless Sheri Hansen, to the many volunteers on the night, including the very capable wait staff from the A.V. High School cheerleading and football teams, led by coaches Keri Sanchez and John Toohey, to Harold Hulbert, who organized the crab, and of course the various donating wineries and the A.V. Brewery, plus the local folks and small businesses who provided raffle prizes. With Dean Titus and fellow musicians Craig Titus, Chris Rossi, Brian Wood, and talented singer Susan Clark, providing both background and dance music, the atmosphere was wonderful and it was a joy to be a part of such a special event. Well done to one and all!...
Well that’s enough ‘gushing’ for this curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture, let’s move on to the Quote of the Week and share with you some words on the continuing major talking point about around here – the weather. As you read this, hopefully the rain is pouring down outside because, as everyone will readily let you know – we need it! Here’s a good one from Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900), the American essayist, novelist, and friend of Mark Twain, who very perceptively said, “Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it”... And if it really does come down in torrents this week, then let’s hope it’s not too much all at once so that we have to recall William Shakespeare’s great line, one used by myself often in the company of Hummingbird, “’Tis a naughty night to be naked in”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #422 - Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of our two crab feeds but it is anticipated they will sell out once again. This is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed that will be held on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Just like the ‘feed’ this past weekend, it is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the similar Senior Center event this is one of the best Valley gatherings of the year... #423 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for a second January visit to the Valley next Thursday, January 26th. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm... #424 – Coming up is the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website which can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Raised eyebrows, comments of incredulity, and questions as to the man’s sanity, were all in evidence in the 3-Dot upon hearing that dedicated newspaperman, Bruce Anderson of the A.V.A., last weekend declined an invitation to the 49er play-off game against the Saints. It was not just a regular invitation though. Let Bruce explain – ‘Such is my commitment to an unfettered press, I turned down my nephew Robert Mailer Anderson’s conditional offer to watch Saturday's playoff game from the owner's box. He said I was invited but I couldn't write about the experience. So, with a heavy heart, I declined’... I must say that this was an amazing act of sports martyrdom, which modesty no doubt forbade the esteemed editor from mentioning in his column. Obviously most of our regulars at the 3-Dot just thought the man had taken too much of his medication to turn down such an offer, but hoped he was able to watch this fantastic game, that saw the 49ers gain a famous victory, from the comfort of his luxurious leather Barcalounger, the Presidential model obviously...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, ‘It’s quiet around here. Following a relatively slow holiday period, from the point of view of our local small businesses, the first couple of weeks of 2012 have not been great either. January is always a little slow but February and March generally slower. With that in mind I encourage the community to support your local businesses even more than ever at this time of year and, if you have a choice, put your hard-earned dollars back into the Valley before you think about ‘going over the hill’ to Ukiah. It would be very disappointing, although perhaps not entirely shocking given the current financial climate, if anyone had to close-up shop but hopefully with us all pulling together and thinking locally, this will not happen. If it did, I would have to see it as yet another sign that the Apocalypse is fast approaching...’
Well, after this emotional rollercoaster of a column, now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 293 - January 11th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And what better place to start than with the startling news that has been reverberating around the Valley over the past few days - ‘All that Good Stuff’, the Valley’s one-stop-shop for so many needs, for so many years, is apparently under threat of closure! Let me hand over to The Valley Observer, Steve Sparks who has sent me an update on this shocking development...
“After twenty-two years in business, providing many, many customers with a wide range of goods and services, from greeting cards and birthday gifts to a copying machine and a U.P.S. drop-off, it appears that ‘All that Good Stuff’s’ landlord, Johnny Schmitt, proprietor and chef at The Boonville Hotel, is thinking seriously about other plans for the business space in the Farrer Building that he and his partners own in the very heart of Boonville. If these plans come to fruition, storeowner, Leslie Hummel, having just negotiated a sale to store employee Claudia Espinoza, a sale that was to provide a retirement nest-egg for Leslie and a wonderful opportunity for Claudia to run her own business, will have to close and make way for a different establishment to be run by Johnny and his partners. Originally this new business was rumored to be a wine and cheese tasting room but following further enquiries something other than this is planned. What I can tell you at this point, is that the plan is for a business also in the realm of fine foods, and thus very different to Leslie’s gift store etc.
Now, before I go on, this is not necessarily going to happen in the next month or so, in fact it may not happen at all if the members of the community with whom I spoke over the past weekend have anything to do with it. Or perhaps Johnny will reconsider and write it off as an idea whose time is a long way off. However, if he sticks with the plans he has recently expressed to those affected, it is likely that the best possible scenario for the tenants is for some sort of temporary ‘stay-of-execution’. In that case, the store will remain as it is for as long as Leslie and Claudia can get Johnny to agree to at the meeting held between the interested parties this week. Nevertheless, whatever that time period may be, and three years may well be the maximum, the inevitable will happen and at that time Leslie and Claudia will be left with virtually nothing to show for their endeavors. The current store would be worthless and unsaleable with such plans in place for its future in the relative short term.
Needless to say the community will not be happy with this development. Leslie is personally very popular and is regarded as a mainstay amongst the small business owners of the Valley. Many people have already expressed disapproval of Johnny’s proposed actions and I have been contacted by four people close to the situation and encouraged to write about events and pass it on to the Turkey Vulture column. There are always two-sides to such stories and I should say that one of those people is a confidant of Johnny’s, so both sides have been heard to some degree, although I have not spoken to Johnny himself, despite attempts to do so that have not worked out, through the fault of nobody.
It appears that the new operation would be run by Johnny and partners with Leslie and Claudia having no legal recourse to stop it - the lease ran out several months ago and Leslie has been on a month-to-month lease since then. Claudia was going to pay Leslie off for the business over the next few years, it is her only option, and Leslie was going to rely on this for a significant part of her retirement income. That deal will obviously be compromised if Johnny's perceived intentions are carried out and Leslie will have nothing to show for her twenty-two years at the store - hence the ‘angry villagers’ I spoke with over the weekend.
I have heard that ‘aesthetically’ the quirky store is not in keeping with the landlords’ ideas about what businesses ‘fit’ in their Farrer Building, alongside the Mosswood Market, the Farmers Mercantile Store, and Paysanne Ice Cream. It is not Healdsburg, but I think you get my meaning. That is fine of course, the businesses all provide good quality products, and Johnny, to his credit, has put as great deal of effort into improving the look of the place and it’s surroundings. Furthermore, he is not responsible for the retirement plans of Leslie Hummel and is doing what he sees is best for himself and his partners. However, to add a store that would complement these businesses at the expense of such a versatile community store as ‘All that Good Stuff’ is surely not the way to go. Not in the eyes of the vast majority of local people it isn’t and certainly not if Johnny wants to continue to be seen as ‘a man of the community’, a position he has fostered over the years. Moving Leslie/Claudia out and going ahead with this new idea will swiftly bring that perception of him to an ugly end...
Johnny has expressed his grief at having to do this to his long-standing tenant. Whilst this may well be true, and I have no reason to think otherwise, the real question is why do this in the first place? ‘All that Good Stuff’ is a unique store for the community, one that provides many of us with ‘Stuff’ (goods and services) that you cannot get anywhere else around here. This fact, coupled with the ill-conceived idea to kick out one of the more popular local business owners after twenty-two years of serving the community, really does mean that any backlash hurled in the direction of Johnny would not be at all unexpected.
What can be done about this? Well, as I said above, nothing legally. However, perhaps the landlords will be quite sensitive to any negative public opinion, which could well lead to a backing-off on their behalf. Other than that it is difficult to see what else the aggrieved tenants can do about this situation. Community ill will and a boycott of The Hotel by Leslie's 'crowd' is hardly a significant threat since the vast majority of them are not regular customers there. However, I have heard of some people suggesting they will boycott the Hotel if this happens and others have already contacted Johnny to say so in writing. I would be surprised if Johnny actually shopped at Leslie’s store himself and most people I have spoken to feel that he has misread the situation and has no idea that the feelings will be very strong in support of ‘our Good Stuff’. He probably does now. Nevertheless, from his point of view, he is in the process of making what he believes to be a sound business decision, and ultimately that is his right of course.
Ideally for most in the community, Johnny may realize that his plans will cause more ill feeling than he imagined, or wish to confront, and he and his partners will decide to forget the idea. That may well be the wise thing to do. It would certainly be viewed as the ethical move and one that would bring him kudos rather than the undoubted dishonor that will be placed upon him if the idea moves ahead. But if it does, then I believe this past weekend’s relatively mild tirades of negativity expressed his way are just the beginning...”
Well thanks for the report, Mr. Sparks. I think a public protest, an old-fashioned chanting of 'Hands off our Stuff!’ and a placard-waving gathering outside either the Hotel and/or Leslie’s Store might have an effect, but I’m just a troublemaker and could be wrong... Meanwhile, before moving on let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week... First it’s the words of Oliver Goldsmith (1730 - 1774), the writer, poet and physician, a native of Ireland, from the Anglo-Irish Ascendancy, who said, “Honor sinks where commerce long prevails”... And a second comment would be that of Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) who said, “A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business”... I couldn’t agree more, Henry!
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #64 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow Thursday, January 12th and then again in two weeks on the 26th, from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #65 - Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place this coming Saturday, January 14th - just a few days away! You can call Gina Parlini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations – Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds... Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year... As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since shared his words with you on many occasions – “trust me on this, you can thank me later”...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 292 - January 4th, 2012

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... ‘Gone but not forgotten’ – the following Valley Folk have passed in the last fifteen months or so. They are fondly remembered by many... James ‘Jim’ Gowan, Arthur Knight, Chad Ewing, Michael Bowman, Mildred Gowan (née Hulbert), Austin Hulbert (born in April 1917 and, aged 94, the Valley’s second oldest person – behind 95 year old Walter ‘Shine’ Tuttle), Tammy Housley, Howard ‘Mouse’ Morse, Skip Harris, Betty Sue Adams, Mary Alice (Ruddock) Smith, Matt Piper, Bill Mannix, Joyce Skrbek, Dee Reynolds, Jim Clow, Joyce Christen, James Monroe ‘Bo’ Hiatt, and Stanley Johnson... There have no doubt been others and I apologize for their omission...
And for your Quotes of the Week, here are some heart-warming thoughts on the passing of loved ones... First it’s these words from Helen Keller, the deaf/blind author, political activist, and lecturer, who said, “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us”... And there is this wonderful thought proposed in an Eskimo Legend – “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy”... And finally, the anonymously written but poignant, “Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear”...
Moving on... Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #64 - The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The A.V. Farm Supply on Thursdays, January 12th and 26th from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #65 - Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th - just ten days away! You can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations – Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds... Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year... As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since told you too – “trust me on this, you can thank me later”...
The Three-Dot Lounge was closed over the holiday but that allowed me some time to come up with some of my personal hopes and wishes for t2012...
- Chocolate Chip and Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley...
- All drivers shall follow the rules of the road. That most definitely includes California Vehicle Code # 21656 – ‘Slower vehicles must pull over to allow others to pass’. No driving over 60mph anywhere; no driving under 40mph in the 55mph limit without pulling over in the Valley’s many turnouts to let others pass. Of course driving at 30mph or less in town is to be strictly enforced, with very grave consequences for those who do not follow these guidelines. Do I hear ‘feed ‘em to the pigs’ from anyone?...
- All drivers parking at 90 degrees to the sidewalk outside businesses and stores will have their vehicles egged. Eggs will be paid for (upon proof of receipt and photograph of the eggs on the windscreen) by Captain Rainbow, as this is his pet peeve and he wants to see the practice brought to an end as much as any of us...
- Residents will be asked to 'verbally confront' the ‘biker hordes’ when those weekend visitors (mostly accountants, bankers, and lawyers posing in their rarely worn, stiff and shiny leathers, pretending to be ‘rebels’) arrive this summer and annoyingly begin revving up their very noisy Harleys. From now on hopefully they will be pointed at and told, "Don’t be late at the office on Monday morning"... What are they going to do? Throw their man-purses at us?...
- When some people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know”. That is o.k. and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time...
- All citizens must get tags for their pets. It’s easy and cheap at www.tagxpress.com and all those hard working volunteers at the Animal Rescue, plus the many other animal lovers in The Valley, will certainly appreciate it… Anyone not abiding by this rule to be fined $1 and the monies collected to be donated to the A.V. Animal Rescue…
- All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or some form of alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ days-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…
- No more vineyards are allowed if they are to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-all who assumes they can make wine just because they have made their millions elsewhere in an entirely different expertise. This is to be rigidly enforced if such a person is living in some far flung location, has never lived here, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit him in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on his head…
- Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Christmas Tree Fund…
- Phone service employees will be issued written warnings as to their future conduct if they are observed standing around for more than an hour at the side of the road pointing up in the air. Perhaps this will save time and then we would not be told that in order to have our phone repaired we have to stay at home and to expect the technician to arrive “sometime between 8am and 7pm”!...
- Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even that menacing, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time...
- When the power goes out, PG&E will not be able to tell us that they are “out of power” themselves. Lie to us - anything will do rather than this ridiculous and unsettling announcement that was heard over the radio waves around this time last year…
- When somebody calls to remind you of your appointment for something or other at their place of work, they should do so clearly and concisely, not by mumbling or by speaking so quickly that the message is undecipherable. That seems to me as if it really defeats their purpose?...
- All herky-jerky, whirling, twirling, hippy-dancing, whenever and wherever it breaks out in public, will be halted by concerned residents. Obviously this applies neither to the female movers who have rhythm nor the exotically-skilled belly dancers one occasionally sees, but it certainly does to the other 90% who make up this odd group…
- And finally, and perhaps most important of all - the limited choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged in 2012 so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... So, until we talk again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at