# 269 - July 27th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Not for the first time, and probably not for the last, I believe an apology is probably due on my behalf for the comment in last week’s column that expressed my surprise that no teachers had attended the Pop Warner Fundraiser and given their support for the young kids’ out-of-school football program. I should point out I was not the only person to think that way but on reflection I can see that the teachers are on their long break from the ‘little buggers’ (my description, not theirs) and they’ll be around them soon enough – school starting very early this year, on Monday, August 15th. I’m sure they will be see plenty of them after that date both in school and at the many extra-curricular school activities that I assume our teachers are involved in. My comment was unnecessary and I apologize...
Moving on... And what better place to start, given the comments above, than a Quote or two of the Week with the teaching profession in mind? First up is this compliment from Robert G. Ingersoll, a Civil War veteran, American political leader, and orator during the Golden Age of Freethought, who said “One good schoolmaster is worth a thousand priests” – not much doubting that these days, eh?... And then we have the following phrase from George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, Nobel Prize winner for literature, and commentator on education, marriage, religion, government, health care, and class privilege, who commented, “He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches”... Oh, come on, surely a teacher must have a good sense of humor!
Public Service Announcements… #89 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley once more this month, tomorrow, Thursday July 28th, at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. And while you’re there why not support our local Farm Supply with a purchase or two - without them there’s no vet visit... #90 - A very special evening is planned to benefit the Senior Center this Friday, July 29th at 7pm. This is the first in a series of Guest Chef Dinners and Tom Rodrigues of Maple Creek Winery in Yorkville will be serving a rotisserie-style Roast Pork dinner with some fresh and delicious side dishes, using local ingredients, plus dessert and wine. Seating will be limited to sixty guests and tickets are selling fast, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville... #91 – It’s the final weekend of the month so that means time for another Barn Sale. As always it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, July 30th and 31st... #92 – The live music scene returns to the Navarro Store Amphitheatre amongst the giant redwoods for excellent shows on both Aug. 6th and 13th. On the 6th it’s the legendary (and I mean legendary – check out his bio) American blues-harp player Charlie Musslewhite (7pm) with the Steven Bates Band opening at 5pm, then a week later it’s the always popular ‘House of Floyd’ – the Pink Floyd tribute band with laser show. With beer and wine available at very reasonable prices from The Store, Pablo doing his ‘magic’ on the grill, and assuming you like the blues-harp and/or Floyd, these are two Valley evenings that are as good as it gets... #93 – Finally this week, here’s an early heads-up that on Sunday, August 14th, it’s the annual Lions Club BBQ to benefit the A.V. Volunteer Ambulance at The Fairgrounds from 4.30pm to 7.30pm – certainly one for your calendars, I’d suggest. More details to follow...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... I was out of the Valley so failed to attend ‘The Not-So-Simple Living Fair’ that took place here over this past weekend. This event dates back to the seventies when it was called ‘The Simple Living Fair’ and, according to some regulars, I missed a good event that was quite well attended. However, these regulars said a simple Turkey Vulture like myself, who just flies around all day looking for food and sleeps amongst the high rocks under the stars at night, would not have enjoyed it. I guess that means I won’t be going in 2012 either because that’s when the event is to be called ‘The Complicated Living Fair’...
... A former schoolteacher dropped by The 3-Dot and confirmed the vicious rumor that school starts on Monday, August 15th! That’s very early but it does mean that the teachers will get a paycheck at the end of that month and not have to wait for wages until the end of September, as they have had to in previous years. Of course, as a result, this means they will be able to afford tickets to attend September’s County Fair and with their attendance I therefore envisage longer lines for rides on the Wheel of Fire and The Zipper, along with record sales of corn dogs and curly fries...
... Mark ‘The Major’ Scaramella, senior contributor to this esteemed organ of the press, tells me he was on the winning team last week at The General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Needless to say, my top investigative reporters are working round the clock to confirm this, particularly as The Major claims his teammates were the following trio of unlikely ‘Quizlies’ – Alan the English pig farmer, Nikola the Serbian handyman, and Marcus the Hispanic bartender – sounds like there’s a joke in there somewhere... and here it is...
“Three friends, having won the quiz, go out for a few celebratory beers...Marcus sits down and says, "Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona”....Nikola sits alongside him and says, "No, I’d like the best beer in the world, give me a Jelen Pilsner from Serbia”... Alan sits down and says, "Give me a Coke, please”.... The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other guys look over at Alan and ask, "Why aren’t you drinking a Bass Ale?... Alan replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I"...
I’m outta here... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose.. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 268 - July 20th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin...Let’s start with a couple of very different events that I attended on my travels through the Valley last Saturday evening. First there was a very ‘nice’ soiree at The Madrones – formerly Taylor-Roberts, and now the wine ‘mall’ just south of Philo. ‘Mall’ is a little unfair perhaps, it is a very pleasant set-up there, with four small winery tasting rooms and a ‘lifestyle’ shop called ‘Sun and Cricket’, although I know some old-timers think the buildings are an eyesore and inappropriate here in the Valley – but you can’t please everyone, as we all know. Anyway, It was Bink Winery’s open house and a crowd of about sixty wine-sippers and pizza nibblers had assembled. I would guess that I normally know at least 80% of the guests from different walks of Valley life at local events, but on this occasion I knew maybe 20%. There were some Valley winery people but the majority were not ‘from these parts’ and probably wouldn’t have known a Turkey Vulture even if I had defecated on my own feet – something we like to do to keep cool on such humid evenings. That is fine of course, it was a very pleasant crowd, Jim Roberts was a most gracious host and almost convinced me that the businesses were four small local wineries, and the Bink Rosé Lumineux was perfect with the savory thin crust pizza... But by 6.30pm it was time to move on...
I headed into Boonville and joined a very different crowd of one hundred-plus gathered at the Apple Hall for the Pop Warner Football Fundraiser. Most of the ‘obvious suspects’ were there, the majority being A.V. High School graduates at some point in time, and the delicious tri-tip dinner was efficiently served by the next generation of young footballers – all very polite and eager to work. The beer and wine selection was good, the prices reasonable, the raffle a success, and I believe over $1500 was raised by the community for the kids’ sport. I say ‘the community’ but I could not help but wonder about the absence of any schoolteachers. I know this was not school sports but these kids attend the school and I would have thought there might have been somebody there from that group. Just observing and sharing... Anyway, with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys providing the music, the presence of current N.F.L. player and former A.V. standout, Martin Tevasu (N.Y. Jets), providing a bonus for the aspiring young footballers, and virtually everybody there knowing everybody else, the event was thoroughly enjoyable and a real Valley affair. Many thanks should go out to all those who worked so hard to put it on, led by Tony and Melanie Pardini, with lots of help from Ernie Pardini, Jessica Johnson, Erica Lemons, Ginger Johnston, Reba Pardini and Fernando Alvarez, and the guys on the grill who did an excellent job – Steve Rhodes, Bobby Mayberry, Gary Abbott, and Goober Johnston, the Lions Club bar staff of Will Housley and Kevin Lee, Scott and Saffron Fraser who secured the beer and wine donations, not to mention the other food contributors, including Shauna Espinoza and Bronwen Hanes with their wonderful pasta salad. I’ve no doubt forgotten somebody so apologies to them...
Public Service Announcements… #314 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on two occasions this month; each time at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. The first of these visits is tomorrow, Thursday July 21st, and they will return once more next week, on the 28th... #315 – The ‘Not-so-Simple Living Fair’ celebrating and sharing rural skills with various workshops, demonstrations, discussions, and food takes place at The Fairgrounds over this next weekend - July 22nd-24th. The website with all the details and schedule is at http://notsosimple.info, or call 684-0028... #316 – A very special evening is planned to benefit the Senior Center on Friday, July 29th at 7pm. This is the first in a series of Guest Chef Dinners and Tom Rodrigues of Maple Creek Winery in Yorkville will be serving a rotisserie-style Roast Pork dinner with some fresh and delicious side dishes, using local ingredients, plus dessert and wine. Seating will be limited to sixty guests, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Even though it’s still July, practices have already started for the fall sports at the high school. Football Coach John Toohey has over twenty players in his squad at this point and there are high hopes for a successful season in the newly-formed Eight-Man League, while Boys Soccer Coach Steve Sparks tells me that there were twenty guys at the team’s first practice last week, including eight returning starters from last season’s Championship-winning team. In the meantime there will be a benefit at The Grange on August 20th to raise money for both of these sports and also the under-funded but much appreciated Cheerleading Squad, coached by Kerri Sanchez, Jennifer Espinoza, and Kelly Andersen – more details to follow...
... Several regulars stopped by at The Three-Dot after watching the Women’s World Cup Soccer final at The Buckhorn in Boonville. They said that the U.S. should have had the game won by halftime but the resilient Japanese women held on and finally won on penalty kicks at the end of regulation and extra-time. I saw some highlights and the standard of penalty-taking by the U.S. women was very poor indeed. Perhaps the excellent coach I kept hearing about should have had her players practicing that aspect of the game a little more?.. Having made that rather unfair remark, I should say that this remains a very unsatisfactory way to end a soccer match – particularly a final, and yet after decades of discussion a better method has still not been found. It’s like a Super Bowl tie being settled on a series of field goals or the World Series on a home run derby – not acceptable...
... Talking of unacceptable situations, a few days ago my friend and fellow A.V.A. contributor, Steve Sparks, drowned his sorrows at The 3-Dot with a bottle of Jameson’s’ Irish whiskey upon finding out he would not be returning as the Exhibitor for the ‘Animal Husbandry – Sheep-herding section’ at this weekend’s ‘Not-So-Simple Living Fair’. Apparently this decision had nothing to do with last year’s ‘incident’, the committee having simply decided to go with an ‘expert’ to take his place, albeit it someone from outside the Valley. Sparks does not accept this explanation. “Last year I managed to lose the entire flock of sheep and it took over an hour to recover them but surely that small incident should not count against me”, spluttered the clearly disturbed amateur shepherd, as he opened his second bottle. “Corporal Raindrop, Rob Google, the Bates Apple Motel kid, and their assorted committee members can all kiss my pimply ass.” Shortly after this diatribe, Deputy Walker escorted a tearful Sparks from the premises...
I’m outta here... With the hot weather almost with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose.. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

# 267 - July 13th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The annual Men’s Tug ‘o War Championship, held at the Olde Time 4th July Celebration lat Sunday, was won for the second year in succession by The Horde of High Rollers & Boonters (residents of Yorkville and Boonville), although in the Women’s event it was The Rabble of Poleekos & Deep Enders (residents of Philo and Navarro) who were victorious. Following seven successive wins for The Rabble Men, two defeats in a row have come as something of a shock to them and so, while the victors celebrated into the night, led by unofficial team Captain, Lauren Keating (of Lauren’s Restaurant, where the winner’s trophy will now reside for another year), I have no doubt The Horde’s downfall is already being plotted by the disappointed Rabble in Philo and The Deep End...
Now that’s something everyone should be wary of – a plotting rabble in the Deep End – it’s almost as scary as a wake of hungry Turkey Vultures!... Yes, ‘a wake’. With its association with a death ceremony, and given our preference for devouring dead animals, a wake is a very appropriate collective noun for Turkey Vultures, yet it’s just one of several words that can be used when a group of us gather, others being ‘committee’, ‘vortex’, ‘cast’, and my personal favorite, a ‘Meal of Turkey Vultures’ – excellent! Anyway, now you know...
Moving on to another group - Valley dwellers who are celebrating birthdays this month. This includes Mary Darling, Marriann Kinion, Joanne Clark, and Sylvia Carsey. ‘Many happy returns one and all!’...
This week’s clue that we are fast approaching Armageddon (forget The Rapture, folks, it’s not going to be anything like that), would have to be the situation at the Philo Post Office last Saturday afternoon when the parking lot was impregnable for a time – both entrances completely blocked off by three huge R.V.’s and their crews of Brightlighters, ignorant of the inconvenience they were causing. Selfish bastards! I was seriously outnumbered otherwise they would have been dealt with in the usual ‘Valley way’ and then fed to the sounder of hungry pigs at the top of the Yorkville Ranch Road. (Yes, ‘a sounder of wild pigs’ – another collective noun for you)...
Public Service Announcements… #83 – The Pop Warner Football Benefit takes place this coming Saturday, July 16th at The Apple Hall in Boonville. There will be a tri-tip dinner at 6pm, followed by music from the always-excellent Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys. It’s $20 adults, $15 kids and tickets are available at Lemons’ Market in Philo or on the door... #84 - The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on two occasions this month; each time at the usual venue - The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2pm until 3.30pm. The first of these visits is next Thursday - July 21st, and they will return once more on the 28th. And while you’re there why not support our local Farm Supply with a purchase or two - without them there’s no vet visit... #85 – Heads-up on the ‘Not-so-Simple Living Fair celebrating and sharing rural skills with various workshops, demonstrations, discussions, and food. It’s at The Fairgrounds over the weekend of July 22nd-24th. Hopefully the website with all the details is now complete at http://notsosimple.info...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... According to a few regulars at The Three-Dot, the Olde Time 4th July Celebration to benefit the Anderson Valley Education Foundation (A.V.E.F.), and ultimately high school students going on to college, was a big success once again, with bigger numbers in attendance than in the previous couple of years. I personally would like to think that all those benefiting from the proceeds of this event contributed to either the day’s festivities or to the continuing fundraising efforts of the A.V.E.F. in some other way...
... Talking of high school students, several regulars sitting at the bar were wondering if these kids were given various academic and/or home or community-based projects to occupy some of their time during the long summer break. Read a book or two; cook a dinner for their family; mow the grass/fix the fences; clean-up the highway - something of more use to them and others than simply tuning the World out by listening to their I-pods, playing mindless computer games, or standing on street corners trying to look menacing... What? You don’t you think they were set such tasks by the school? Surely they were... I think we should be told...
... If the high school students did receive academic assignments for the summer hopefully some of these will be useful in the future - after they have graduated college and return to the Valley to attend the weekly General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant (Thursdays at 7pm). This might mean that Brightlighters cannot come here and win – like they did last week! Yes, folks, I am reliably informed that for the first time in living memory, a non-Valley team, from Washington D.C., by way of Stanford in this case, won the Quiz - by ½ point over two local teams – ‘Bob’ featuring The Major, Alan Thomas, and assorted Boonville Hotel/Apple Farm dignitaries and the ironically named ‘No Chokers’ featuring Quiz veterans from Signal Ridge, Rancho Navarro, and Holmes Ranch. It was obviously a very close run thing but the ‘Outsiders’ won and this must not be allowed to happen again!...
... Talking of Lauren’s – is there a better Pulled Pork sandwich in the Valley, or anywhere else in the County for that matter? I thought not, and many regulars agree...
... With good food on my mind, I really cannot think of a better way to spend a Saturday (or Sunday) brunch-time than sipping mimosas in the beer garden after devouring the delicious Chicken fried steak and eggs at The Buckhorn... And while I’m in full food-talk mode, why don’t I mention the Sunday afternoon oyster and sangria/champagne event at the Boonville Hotel – very nice indeed, and a most civilized way to wind down the weekend, I must say...
I almost wasn’t going to bother with a Quote of the Week this time around and thought nobody would really miss its absence. But then I had a brainwave - what about a quote about ‘absence’? Brilliant, eh? Interestingly, came up with two contrasting comments about that very thing. First it’s the English proverb “Those who are absent are always wrong.” On the other hand, according to the Roman Historian, Tacitus, “Greater things are believed of those who are absent.” Take your pick, I guess...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... With the hot weather here, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too, I suppose. Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 266 - July 6th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... I am writing this on the morning of the Olde Time July 4th Celebration at the Fairgrounds in Boonville so the result of the upcoming tumultuous Tug o’ War between The Horde of High Rollers/Boonters (residents of Yorkville and Boonville) and The Rabble of Poleekos/DeepEnders (residents of Philo and Navarro) is unknown. Following The Rabble’s seven consecutive wins in this prestigious event from 2002 to 2009 (the whole Celebration was cancelled in the fire year of 2008), it was The Horde that finally won one last year and their trophy is currently proudly displayed at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. Will it be sitting at Libby’s in Philo by Monday evening? We shall see - “Seize the rope!”...
So, it would be particularly appropriate, with the above mentioned Tug ‘o War in mind, that your Quote of the Week is one that I have used before. It comes from that wise observer of society in all its glory and shame – George Orwell, who said, “Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all the rules, and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence; in other words it is war minus the shooting.” Clearly old George attended a few Valley Tug o’ Wars in his time!......
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #416 – This week’s Boonville Farmer’s Market will feature a solar cooking demonstration among the usual array of goodies that this week highlights eggs! It all happens between 9.30am and noon in the Boonville hotel parking lot... #417 – The Boonville Art Walk is this happening this coming Saturday afternoon, July 9th from 3pm to 6pm. This will feature art from local artists at various Boonville venues and sidewalks, including the Senior Center. The Senior/Community bus will be in operating a shuttle service along Hwy 128 to get you from one place to another if all that art gets too tiring on a hot day... #418 – Also on the 9th, it’s top notch live music returning once again at The Navarro General Store on Hwy 128 in the Deep End. Things get going at 5pm with the Black Horse Blues Band and continue at 7pm with Mark Hummel’s Harmonica Blow Out. Needless to say, but I will anyway, Pablo will be doing his magic on the Grill and very reasonably priced beer and wine is available at the Store ... #419 – It’s the second Tuesday on July 12th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo and prizes, and you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember - all proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts, wise and not-so-wise, about Valley life... Let’s start with some questions on the minds of some enquiring minds sitting at the bar...
... ‘Is Yorkville in Anderson Valley?’... Well technically ‘Yes’, and historically the answer would be a resounding ‘Yes’. However, geographically there are several significant hills/ravines/small valleys in between ‘them and us’, so maybe it shouldn’t be. Furthermore, I know of several Yorkville folks who feel they are not included in the overall Valley’s mindset – some of whom are annoyed by that fact and some who are quite pleased about that situation... To be discussed further...
... ‘Does the Valley Chamber of Commerce promote commerce in the Valley?’ ‘Yes’, was the answer we came up with...
... And a final question that was posed by our bar-dwellers was, ‘Does a Book Club need to serve wine at its gatherings?’ I personally believe to get to the heart of the book, its very essence, and its author’s intentions and message, then wine should most certainly be served. But I could be wrong, of course...
... Philo Pat swung by the Three-Dot last week and passed on this invaluable piece of information... ‘Hi, Vulture... I was at a deck party awhile back, and the mosquitoes were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. I filled a spray-bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. That worked as well - it killed them instantly... I bought some Listerine from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes... Please pass this on.’ Thanks, Pat – I just did...
... A regular at the Three-Dot informed me of some very important news from abroad last week - German police are trying out a new weapon in the fight against crime - vultures that can find hidden corpses. Three feathered detectives – appropriately named Sherlock, Miss Marple and Columbo - are being trained in northern Germany to do this. Police are using three of my German cousins because we vultures prefer to roam big areas as a group and our keen eyesight and acute sense of smell makes us as skilful as our fictional namesakes. Furthermore, we are better than sniffer dogs at finding bodies when a large area has to be searched and the terrain is difficult. However, apparently the experiment has now raised ethical concerns because of the risk that some of us might start pecking at a dead body... Err, yes, we might, but we surely there has to be some perks to the job?
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave...With the hot weather finally with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose... Otherwise, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?... Happy 4th to each of you...