#30 - July 27th, 2005

Unbelievable ! - there's no 'bar for everyone' in the Valley…Words fail me…almost…As a result I feel this is going to be a bit of a roving, rambling, bumbling, mumbling, disjointed, drifting kind of column. "Not for the first time", I hear you say, but for less than three cents for the whole thing, what can you honestly expect ?…
Onward…I can clearly remember where I was when news of the impending closure of The Buckhorn Saloon reached me. I was flying by the bar, a small piece of fresh squashed squirrel in my claw, when I noticed the large bright yellow sign hanging outside the bar announcing a "Farewell Party". Ironically, the biggest and most noticeable sign I had ever seen announcing a Buckhorn event. The 'party' took place a few days later. That was almost two weeks ago - a sad day in these parts…Well, life goes on, and besides, I'm somewhat encouraged by the "reliable rumors" that it may not be too long before a new bar will be opening up at the same venue in downtown Boonville. At this point in time, I couldn't possibly comment any further on these matters.…
On a related topic, of sorts, we can all remember exactly where we were when first hearing the news that certain events had occurred. We've all had this discussion before, I'm sure. Depending on age these will vary greatly from person to person but generally the more tragic or sensational the event, the more likely we can recall our whereabouts. Since the early sixties for many of you these would probably include the shootings of Dr Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy in 1968, President Nixon's resignation, the assassination of John Lennon, the Challenger explosion, the O.J. car chase, the death of Princess Diana, the 9/11 tragedy, (perhaps some will now be adding the 7/7 bombings from earlier this month) and, the 'Big Daddy' of them all, the shooting of President Kennedy. Not that I wish to compare the closing of The Buckhorn Saloon with such momentous events of course, but last Friday it almost seemed like I could as I have little trouble remembering exactly were I wasn't - that would be The Buckhorn Saloon. ("That's quite enough., Vulture, now get over it" - The Editor)……Incidentally, a friend of mine who was hanging around in Dallas back in November, 1963, asked Lee Harvey Oswald the question so many have since pondered: "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was shot ?"… Unfortunately Jack Ruby got to Oswald before he could answer.....
Now, what did I want to talk about ?…Oh, yeah, after a relatively tame Friday evening at The Brewery Tasting Room with just three "Earlys" (delicious and refreshing Poleeko Gold Pale Ales to be precise), I once again had left it too late to get dinner anywhere other than Moya's Taco stand - not a problem. I quickly devoured the almost obligatory super chicken burrito before heading home and winding down with a bottle of Pinot Noir from Anderson Valley's Husch Winery - "which was nice"…On Saturday evening I decided to have a little get-together of the "Usual Suspects" up at The Nest. Those in attendance included winery employees, brewery workers, electricians, carpenters, teachers, shepherds, sports coaches, other birds of prey, etc. It was at this gathering of such local dignitaries that a strange incident occurred which led me to this week's "Useful Word". Once again I find myself unable to avoid choosing an illness of some kind and in this case it is "cynanthropy" (sigh-nan-thra-pee) - a form of madness in which a person thinks he or she is a dog. As in, "one of the guests was a little confused at being up in the hills far from his normal domain and after a few too many shots of Jameson's Irish whiskey he was suddenly stricken with an acute form of cynanthropy and made a futile and dangerous (for him) attempt to herd the startled sheep around their pastures"…..
As you are no doubt well aware, herding sheep is a job for trained sheep dogs and if there's one group who should not attempt the task it would be inebriated humans who will always fall over and hurt themselves. I'm merely trying to help by passing this insight on and perhaps preventing similar incidents from happening... In the meantime, please be on the lookout for anyone suffering with "cynanthropy". If you come across such a person, offering them a bone will probably help. Any sign of understanding or empathy shown to the 'dog' will also soothe the situation - remember, a wise man, whose name escapes me, once observed, "we are all born mad, some remain so, and some become so once again"…p.s. Our friend is now recuperating in his kennel…..
Sign that the Apocalypse is upon us : # 41 - I have received this from one of my sources in the nation's capital - "A report released Monday by the Federal Consumer Quality-Of-Life Control Board indicates that the cost of living now outstrips the benefits of life for many Americans"… I just thought you should know…..
Helpful Hints : # 27 - Do not visit The County Dump on a hot day…Now I know most of you are more aware than you care to be that I enjoy hanging around The Dump on Mountain View Road just outside Boonville. However, I have to explain that this is the case only if the temperature is under 90 degrees and the smells and "goodies' are fresh. As I may have mentioned here before, we Turkey Vultures will not eat old, rotted carcasses and unless I'm very much mistaken the extremely "ripe" odors at The Dump last Tuesday were emanating from something very old and very rotten indeed. We have the largest olfactory (smelling) system of all birds and I can assure you that on this very hot afternoon (92 degrees F) it was most definitely a diabolically foul smell. Dear, oh dear - even my buddy, Ron the Dump Guy, was suffering. Whereas I am normally full of envy for a man in his position, on this occasion I must admit I felt a little sorry for him, realizing for the first time that perhaps working at The Dump was not all glamour !…..
"Whine of the Week" - I find it a little irritating that people who don't drive slam car doors too hard…I assume we all agree on this ?…Good…
Now it's time for…The 'Wine of the Week'…Although I am not a huge fan of the 'corporate big boys' in the Valley I am not so narrow-minded as to ignore quality when it's poured down my gullet. I'm talking about Roederer Estate's top sparkling wine, the L'Ermitage, and in particular the 1994 vintage which I was privileged to enjoy this past weekend. In the past, I may have teased Winemaker Arnaud that I enjoy sipping his prized sparkling wines mixed with orange juice in a mimosa but that was just to ruffle his tight French feathers. In reality I would not dream of such behavior…In fact, to drink the L'Ermitage on the deck at The Nest in the warm afternoon sun, in the company of voluptuous "lady" vultures joyfully parading topless as they gently sip the nectar, is surely as decadent and as close to a heavenly experience as a Turkey Vulture is going to get. Well done, Roederer, and merci beaucoups…..
I should point out that it was not one of these "lady" Vulture friends who was responsible for the decision to 'dump' an associate of mine. Whilst not handsome in the classic sense (he actually has a face like a bag of wrenches), he is athletic, tall - "about as tall as a six foot three inch tree", and is a very good man, capable of great kindness in a 'cruel to be kind' sort of way.. Anyway, whilst I'm sure she had her good reasons, this act of 'dumping' has led my associate to render a touching and eloquent cry for help in the local Personals' Page…"Bitter, disillusioned Boonville man, lately rejected by long-time fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches"...He's taking it rather well wouldn't you say ?…..
Well, I believe my work here is done …Have a good week, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Let us prey….Kind regards, Turkey Vulture…..

#29 - July 20th, 2005

It's been a busy week - come fly with me…..
Some of you may be surprised to learn that apart from fresh carrion I also have some expertise on a number of other topics, even if I do say so myself. One such subject is the Prince of Fruits - The Strawberry…Now, after hours of in-depth research and excessive amounts of berry-eating, leading to a number of incidents of personal 'troubles down below', I am able to present exclusively to you, my loyal readers, the " Strawberry Top Three " …In third place I have the earthy-fresh and sweet tasting strawberries from Saechau Farms, just south of Ukiah on Hwy 101. They are well priced at $5 for a good-sized container but for every four superb berries there was a lesser tasting one. Despite this, they may still have pushed harder for the runner-up spot if not for the discourteous service which cost them some valuable points…No 'please'; no 'thank you'; not even a 'smile' - surely as a paying customer I am entitled to at least one out of three. But no, I was just informed of the amount of money I owed , spoken with an American accent, and that was it. To make matters worse, I did get a big yawn with no hand covering the mouth right in my face. Quite simply they were ill-mannered …And before some bleedin' heart liberal, who lives in the middle of nowhere and has little contact with what goes on in the real world, steps in to defend this behavior as an understandable result of a difference in cultures, I would just like to say to them, "Get a life "….
In second place we have the delicious berries form the Blue Meadow Farm just off Hwy 128 (17.5 mile marker) on Holmes Ranch Road here in the Valley. They may not quite have the full-bodied taste of those from Saechau but they are a little more refreshing, a little less sweet, almost more 'natural' I'd say, and undoubtedly come with better customer service thanks to the very friendly Farmer Pam….and just so you know, it's not just the strawberries which are good - Blue Meadow also comes up with a wide range of excellent veggies and fruits…But in first place, and still as good as anything I have ever had, including my Grandmother's prize-winning strawberries, it has to be the 'world class' strawberries (with just the right amount of sweetness and great juiciness) which you can sometimes get from Tom Smith of Gschwend Road (between Philo and Navarro). I say 'sometimes' because at this point he does not often sell them at The Farmers Market (at The Boonville Hotel grounds on Saturday mornings from 9.45am to Noon). Otherwise, you have to either buy them at Lauren's Restaurant in Boonville, where they are on the menu, or Tom can be reached at 707-895-2312 to make arrangements to meet up - he is in Boonville a couple of early evenings a week and is certainly prepared to bring some into town with him if requested…P.S. For all the courteous behavior of the employees and the wonderful appearance of the strawberries themselves, I'm afraid the tasteless, watery offerings from Safeway did not even make my top ten…Too bad as they are very well priced but if they don't have any taste then what a waste of time…..
'Looking for love' in the 'Personals' is also a waste of time in some people's mind but I would disagree and present another fine example of how to go about this delicate task - "Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cabin in Navarro, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest."…Shouldn't be a problem…..
A far bigger problem will be where I can go for a drink after work now that The Buckhorn Saloon in Boonville has closed. I was there last Thursday after Owner Diana Charles had announced that she is leaving the bar-ownership business and this was to be her final week, culminating in a Saturday Night Farewell Party… It's too bad... Diana and her staff have worked very hard for a long time but the rigors of the day-in, day-out running of a bar will more often than not finally take their toll on those involved and I'm sure in many ways Diana is happy to be moving on. I wish her every happiness and success in the future. I believe that only people who have done this work can truly relate to the trials and tribulations it involves; others can only try to understand…The following night saw my "Earlys" (numerous Pale Ales) enjoyed at The A.V. Brewery Tasting Room on a beautiful evening in which to sit in their beer garden. This was followed by a "good drink" and way too many "conversationals" (Bass Ales) when I found myself once more at The Buckhorn with many of the 'usual suspects'. All had one idea in mind - to enjoy 'The Last Friday'…They did…..
Finally, on Saturday I felt I had to make an appearance at The Buckhorn for their closing night and Farewell Party which turned into a wonderful evening and a "very good drink", despite the fact that they had run out of virtually every beer apart from Budweiser by 11pm…If I was a 'proper' reporter I would have taken the time to ask those in attendance what 'the end of The Buckhorn as we know it' meant to each of them. I'm not and therefore I didn't, but there was certainly an 'end of an era' feel about the occasion. I have been around a number of similar functions in the past and one thing I will say from such experiences is that virtually everyone underestimates the degree to which the closure will affect them. It's a perfect case of people only missing something when it's gone. Trust me on this …
As for my observations, I believe that a bar like The Buckhorn Saloon is an important cog in the community's wheel. Every community should have such a bar. A bar in which customers can sip a few beers after work whilst surrounded by familiar and hopefully friendly faces; where they can either relax alone or join in with a conversation featuring anything from a serious political debate to the banal bar banter - it's all good… Now, to it's detriment, Boonville and Anderson Valley no longer have such a bar. The Boonville Hotel, The Brewery Tasting Room, The Boonville Lodge, or Lauren's Restaurant each provide something enjoyable in their own right. However, even if they wanted to, not one of them can lay claim to be that classic local bar for the whole community…Many people relied upon The Buckhorn as their only meeting place with friends and any number of different characters. A place where somebody would know their name. Their "Cheers" as it were…Where will they go now to get that sense of community ? That sense of community which The Buckhorn once provided and which is now lost…
Hopefully someone else will take over and normal service will be resumed a.s.a.p.. The property's landlord, Ken Allen of the A.V. Brewery, would be wise, and much appreciated, if he was to make any transition as smooth as possible, equitable to both parties of course. Similarly, anyone wishing to take over the bar should realize the wonderful potential for success there is and negotiations should move forward with this in mind. As has been shown many times before, it has to work for both sides for success to follow. A thriving, busy, well-run, highly regarded 'new' Buckhorn is good for everyone. A community endeavoring to cater to all its citizens needs a good local bar; Boonville needs a good local bar; we Vultures need a good bar ! - I have never lived anywhere which has not had such a place…I have my claws crossed that we will not have to wait too long…(Has my sense of desperation got across to you yet ??)…
Meanwhile, may I take this opportunity to pass on my sincere thanks and appreciation to Diana, her wonderful Mum, Jo-Anne, and the rest of the crew for their hospitality and for providing me and many others with numerous happy memories of nights out in Boonville. From the always excellent chicken wings, the delicious burgers, and the cold Poleeko Gold Ales to the banter amongst the patrons and staff, the "very good drinks" on Friday nights , the Monday Night Football festivities etc, and the laughter and fun out on the back deck - thanks to all those who made it happen…..
I think I've pontificated enough…It only remains for me to remind you - let us prey…..Kind regards and yours thirstily, Turkey Vulture (turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net)

#28 - July 13th, 2005

By 5pm last Thursday I was ready for a drink. I had spent most of the day tuned into the BBC and CNN, watching their reports on the barbaric acts committed in London. I had phoned a couple of my friends over there to make sure they were o.k. and it was now time to head into Boonville and the Brewery Tasting Room "Bar". Just a few of the Brewery employees were in attendance and the conversation soon turned to the day's tragic events in England. One of those enjoying an after work "Early" was WDan, from our local public radio station KZYX & Z (90.7 FM), and he wisely pointed out that it was always the religious fanatics who were responsible for terrorist atrocities in today's world. "You never get an atheist who is responsible for these terrible acts", he said with a wry smile…and he's absolutely right of course…It is not known at the time of writing who is actually responsible for the attacks but I think we all have a good idea. Call me crazy but my guess is that this isn't the work of a fundamentalist Buddhist cell based somewhere in the hills of north Wales, but one never knows I suppose...
Due to past attacks over many years by the I.R.A. there exists in English cities a somewhat constant state of alertness amongst the populace. They are very cognizant of packages left unattended in public places and apparently over the years a number of tragedies have been prevented by alert and diligent members of the public. However, in a City of many millions of people going about their business, it is virtually impossible to spot every suspicious article and there would appear to be no guaranteed way of preventing an act of terror from happening if those carrying it out are determined to do so …..
We sipped our beers in a somewhat subdued atmosphere. The topic for discussion eventually turned to Frisbee golf as we spotted a couple of guys playing on the course set up outside in the Brewery grounds. It's a sport with quite a following in the Valley and particularly amongst the Brewery 'Gang' and their friends. However, at the risk of upsetting a few of my drinking buddies, I have to share with you all another of those 'Universal Truths' - "Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee". I'm sorry to have to point this out to the 'Frisboys' but surely they already suspected that this might be the case... On a related topic, it's also a commonly held point of view, so I've been told by those who know about these sort of things, to believe that the vast majority of male co-ed Frisbee (not Frisbee golf) players would rather be playing on a male sports team of some sort but they are just not good enough. In the meantime co-ed Frisbee provides them with the only opportunity most of them are going to get to pick up women…Obviously, I couldn't possibly comment …..
A few days later I spotted this gem in the Personals page - "Devil-worshipper, Philo area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon"....It takes all sorts, I suppose…..
"Hard to believe" #16 - President Bush delighted an intimate gathering of White House dinner guests on Monday evening, regaling the coterie of dignitaries, artists, and friends with a spirited, off-the-cuff discussion of the Roman poet Virgule's lesser-known works" - as reported in The Onion Magazine…..
Classical poets mentioned in the Turkey Vulture column ??…Yes, dear reader, and we shall continue the discussion in this high-brow vein - particularly refreshing, I'm sure you'll agree, after the smutty depths to which this column sank last week. With that in mind, we'll keep to the 'Classic poet' theme for this issue's Word (or phrase) of the Week... I've chosen, "Even Homer nods" - this is a very "clever" / pompous way of saying, "Even the great ones make mistakes" - Homer being a classic poet who is regarded as one of the most brilliant to ever put pen to paper. It's a phrase frequently used by a Latin scholar friend of mine from many years ago when I hung out with such types trying to be clever.....
Anyway, in those days, having swooped down and picked up some fresh carrion from the road, I would on rare occasions drop the feast on my way back to The Nest. Whenever this happened in my friend's presence he would always comment, " Even Homer nods, Cathartes Aura" (Latin for Turkey Vulture)… ('That's enough of this Latin crap' - Editor)... This is a perfect example of the phrase being put to its correct use as I rarely dropped my dinner, I can assure you…As for other instances, maybe some of you have heard "Even Homer nods" uttered by your local bartender when you've spilt beer down the front of your shirt…Some associates of mine may have overheard it from my own beak when I have opened up my Super Chicken Burrito and found that the usually very efficient Moya's Taco stand in downtown Boonville has forgotten to add the sour cream…Anyway that's enough Latin / Classical Poet references for the week. This little column only cost you about two cents and that's all the "intellectual stimulation" you are going to get from this source for that price …
Ideally I'd now like to get back to the irreverence which usually dominates my efforts each week but the events in London and the continuing, and more frequent, stories of atrocities in Iraq seem to be more on my mind at this time. Therefore, I think it appropriate for me to just leave you with some of this week's comments from The Economist magazine's well-reasoned, always knowledgeable, and frequently very insightful, editorial pages….
"Once it had happened, it produced an awful feeling of inevitability. The series of terrorist attacks on London's Underground and bus systems at the end of the morning rush hour on July 7th were perhaps timed to coincide with the opening meetings of the G8 rich-country summit in Scotland. The fact that less than a day earlier London had been filled with jubilation at having won the race to host the 2012 Olympic Games may have given the perpetrators an extra dose of satisfaction. We shall never know, but nor, actually, should we care. Such a pointless display of brutality should instead bring forth two thoughts. One is that the surprise should be that this has not occurred sooner. The other is that such attacks should not, and will not, make any difference to the way Londoners live and work…
"The intelligence services in London offer unofficial estimates that Britain may be home to roughly 1,000 budding Islamist terrorists, or close supporters of them. George Bush has sometimes claimed that a silver lining to the cloud that forces are struggling through in Iraq is that at least the West's enemies are being fought there rather than at home. The attacks in London are a reminder that that view is as wrong as it is glib…
"No city can stop terrorists altogether…What can be said, though, is that terrorists are unable to stop cities, either. Perhaps an army, launching wave after wave of attacks, might succeed, especially if it were to deploy biological, chemical, or nuclear weapons. Short of that, cities will always bounce back quickly, after the initial shock. They are resilient organisms, with powerful social and economic reasons to shrug off terrorism. New York and Madrid both show that, triumphantly. The same will be true of London. Like all large modern cities it is vulnerable to disruption. Millions of people pour into or through the city every day making it easy to identify places to plant bombs and propagate fear. But that also makes the city adaptable. And there is no doubt that the experience of being attacked is likely to make Londoners more determined to resume their normal lives, not less…"
Be careful out there and may your god go with you…
Let us prey, kind regards, Turkey Vulture…..

#27 - July 6th, 2005

Hot enough for ya ?…Well, despite having a red bald head, it's certainly been too hot for me in all these black feathers so to cool myself down, as any smart Turkey Vulture would, I've been defecating on my feet for over a week now. As I've mentioned here before, it's what we Vultures do in such circumstances and if I were you I wouldn't knock it until you've tried it…..
Moving very swiftly on; up, up, and far away from the unsavory happenings around my feet, here's some "Enlightening News" I received from my Vulture Brothers and Sisters in far away lands, via The Onion Magazine…
1 - Fenghua, China - Chen Hsien, an employee of Fenghua Ningbo Plastic Works Ltd., a plastics factory that manufactures lightweight household items for Western markets, expressed his disbelief Monday over the "sheer amount of shit Americans will buy." - Hey, he was just sharing….
2 - Geneva, Switzerland - After years of sectarian violence, a coalition of Jews, Muslims, and Hindus signed an international resolution Monday, confirming their mutual appreciation of chicken dishes. "Whether it is breaded with matzo, served as shwarma, or covered in tikka masala sauce, chicken is the one meat upon which all faiths can agree," said spokesman Jerome Maliszewski, addressing an assembly of rabbis, mullahs, and shamans. "Let this friendly exchange of recipes be the first tentative step toward everlasting peace." - Chicken ? - It's claw lickin' good, I say…..
…And this week's favorite from the 'Personals' - "Optimistic Boonville man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister" - I wish him well in his search…..
Now over to the sports' desk for the latest Sheep Herding Results from the pastures…
As we head for the 'dog days' of the baseball season I thought I'd use baseball score lines and analogies to perhaps help you interpret the recent important results in the Yorkville Highlands …
Tuesday, June 14th - Sheep 8 Shepherds and Dogs 2…
As reported here two weeks ago, with the ewes and their lambs fighting off the latter's 'final elimination' , it was a stunning victory in favor of the resilient Sheep. The Shepherds and Dogs were clearly outplayed all over the field(s) and The Master Shepherd could only utter his now infamous line, "Shepherding is not all glamour, you know"…..
Tuesday, June 28th - Sheep 1 Shepherds and Dogs 5…
It was payback time as the focussed Shepherds and their tireless border collies produced their most complete performance of the young season so far. With faultless defense in the outfield, a solid offensive display, a spectacular performance by the dogs in the pen, and some sloppy errors by the Sheep, the result was rarely in doubt. Hopefully some of you caught it on ESPN!…..
It may not be a 'biggie' but nevertheless it's all I have for - "The Whine of the Week"…As is often the case, the remedy for my little complaint is not going to win any Nobel prizes. However, a solution to this week's Whine would be a most welcome surprise…I have been in a few households and many bars of late where the music being played for my listening pleasure comes from the tv - in the form of a service called Sirius, provided by Dish Network. There must be nearly fifty stations featuring every type of music imaginable and it's an excellent alternative to continually changing discs or tapes. However, other than just the name of the artist and the title of the song, the tunes are accompanied by a blank screen. Fine, you may think, and I once would have agreed, but now I wish I had a fresh piece of carrion for every time the conversation turned to guessing what year the song was released. You are not informed of this important fact and reference point and the resulting arguments/discussions can never be resolved at the time of asking. It's frustrating and, although it's only my opinion of course, surely it would be very easy to rectify if somebody, somewhere would do that tiny little bit of extra research. After all, how hard can it be ?…..
Continuing on with this rather hectic and rambling column, we now move quickly to The Wine of the Week… I hadn't cooked a T-bone steak on the grill since last summer - shameful, I know. Therefore, despite having attained my Master's degree from Big Bob's BBQ School at The University of Texas in Austin, as I stood before the grill on July 4th I felt a little rusty and realized that I'd have to fully concentrate on my duties as Grill Master. This meant less beer… It was tough but I pulled through. However, when the succulent steaks were served I was in dire need of a special drink pairing for such magnificent meat. I found one - Anderson Valley's own Handley Cellars' 2001 Zinfandel. Full-bodied, with strong flavors of dark berries and a hint of spice, it was a wonderful match and one for which I hope my god, and yours too, continues to bless America…At least for being, in the words of the song, "the land of the Zinfandel grape and the home of the bbq"…..
Which reminds me - here's your Word of the Week.. It's "to eruct" and it means "to belch loudly"…As in, "After the T-bones had been devoured and the wine drank most of the guests couldn't contain their eructions"…or perhaps even, "In polite circles it is frowned upon to eruct at the dining table but this is not the case at the home of Turkey Vulture where such behavior is encouraged"…What can I say other than "enjoy your eructions"…..
Last Friday, you may be surprised to hear that I spent a couple of hours at Ken Allen's A.V. Brewery Tasting Room for some "Earlys" (three pints of Poleeko Pale Ale) and once again complained, to anyone who wished to listen, that it would not be a 'real' bar until a bar-rail was installed. I know that most experienced and serious bar patrons would certainly agree - trust me on this, Ken, you'll thank me later… Onwards…As I had threatened to do the previous week I then showed up at The Boonville Hotel for my "late-night conversational" - a bottle of Raye's Hill Pinot Noir from here in the Valley. It was a wonderful evening and the Hotel's garden was a delightful setting in which to stare at the stunning display of stars in the night sky. My cohorts and I enjoyed three bottles of the ruby red nectar before heading to The Nest (courtesy of our long-suffering designated driver) where I voraciously ate some delicious chocolate chip ice cream and cookies. It's a Turkey Vulture's life…..
Before I leave you there's just time for another Universal Truth I'd like to share - "Every man has, at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush". It cannot be denied…So, with that to ponder, I bid you farewell…Tom of The Coast (KOZT 95.3 FM) would advise you to, "think good thoughts" and I assume you already know what I propose - yes, "Let us prey"….
Kind regards, Turkey Vulture (turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net)
p.s. As always before I submit a column to the A.V.A.'s 'Governing Council' I have a quick read-through of its contents. As a result I am shocked and must apologize for the more than acceptable amount of hedonistic behavior, toilet humor, and basic smut contained herein…In my defense it has been a crazy, hazy Independence Day Weekend ,and besides, such faux pas are a common occurrence when a bird of prey is allowed to 'sound-off' to the public. This stuff sometimes just rolls off the beak before we can say, "tasty squirrel"… Nevertheless, I will endeavor to raise the quality of my offerings in the future…Now it's hot and I must attend to my feet…..
p.p.s. The slow-driving "Blue" Jay Williamson of Santa Rosa will not be pulling over to permit passing. He is not exactly a bad person, but (continued on page 74)…..