# 395 - February 26th, 2014

A Mendocino Californian flying over King Arthur’s Court

by Markey Twulture

      

       Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Although I may be a long way from the Valley, I have a few fellow Turkey Vultures flying around the Valley in my absence and keeping their eyes on things. As a result, and because I know many folks rely on this, what better place to start than with the Public Service Announcements?…

       Calendars and pens at the ready… #464 - The Mendocino County Museum's upcoming Road Show will be at the Anderson Valley Grange on Saturday, March 1. Doors open at 6:30pm with the show at 7:30pm. With a pop-up gallery of artifacts, docents who become actors, imaginative set design, and Mendocino County history brought to life in stories and song, it's an old-fashioned traveling variety show for our communities and our times. It features seven actors playing 35 ordinary yet extraordinary local people. For information, visit www.mendocinomuseumroadshow.org or call 459-2736…  #465 - 9pm on Saturday, March 1 at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville, it’s live music by ‘Betsy and Beau’, as former local boy Beau Wiley brings his San Francisco based folk duo to town promising to be "crooked and sweet"… #466 - The Variety Show will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, March 7/8… #467 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on just one occasion next month - Thursday, March 13. Call 462-8833 for further details. They set up at the AV Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and to avoid a line perhaps go around 3pm - you will definitely be seen. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #468 - It’s nearly that time again - St. Patrick’s Day! The Senior Center Dinner to celebrate the occasion is on Saturday, March 15 in the Apple Hall in Boonville with a happy hour at 5.30pm and dinner served at 6.30pm. More details to follow, or call 895-3609…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community Lunches over the next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, February 27, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will feature Stuffed Shells, Roasted Veggies, Tabouleh Salad, Garlic Bread, with Chocolate mousse Brownies for dessert … Then next Tuesday, March 4, the menu will be Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes with Gravy, Cauliflower, Rolls, Bulgur Salad, and Birthday Cup Cakes for dessert… Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and events under discussion this week at The Five-Dot Pub – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the heart of England, where people get together and share their thoughts about life on this crowded yet very civilized little island….. Read on!.....

….. ‘I guess it’s an Americanism - Part 2’…..  Over here, when somebody dies, folks will announce that ‘so-and-so is dead.’ In the U.S., this succinct and extremely accurate choice of word is often replaced by the word ‘passed’ as in ‘so-and-so has passed’… I have my theories for this, mainly based around American positivism versus British realism, but this choice of words is well-entrenched on both sides of the pond and is another example of a subtle difference between the two countries, of which there are more and more that appear with each passing day…

….. In many conversations, many local folks tend to start a sentence with one of these phrases: “To be honest…’’; To tell you the truth…”; or “No word of a lie, but…”. What follows is more often than not a very inconspicuous comment, with little doubt or question raised. Nevertheless, it is almost as if they are trying to convince you that their words are completely truthful, as if you might disbelieve them for some reason. It is quite endearing in some ways, and yet the uninitiated might start to think that on an occasion when someone does not start with one of these phrases then perhaps what follows is a tall story or even a pack of fiendish lies.....

….. Sitting in The Black Eagle pub (founded in 1835) yesterday lunchtime, the waitress walked around the lounge with a plate in each hand inquiring who had ordered the two chip sandwiches. I looked up from my pint and each plate contained a long (8”) crispy French roll packed with French fries. Apart from lashings of slowly melting butter, that was it - nothing else to detract from the classic ‘chip butty’. Having already enjoyed a steak and ale pie, I was full to the end of my beak but I must say this most basic of sandwiches is a wonderful thing, although I cannot imagine The Boonville Hotel featuring it anytime soon. Which is a shame…..

….. Myth Buster of the Week… “English ‘soccer’ fans are a bunch of hooligans”… This hasn’t been true for about twenty years but the myth is perpetuated by the insistence of people not-in-the-know continuing to refer to the major problems that were caused by this phenomenon in the twenty-year period from the late 1960s to the late 1980s. These days, with a few rare exceptions, fans from opposing teams often mix together in the pubs around the stadiums wearing their team’s colors and sharing witty banter. The threatening atmosphere and nasty violence of those bygone days is virtually non-existent. It seems as if so-called ‘The English Disease’ has long been cured and the sooner folks realize that the better…

….. A wet shave with open razor, followed by a head massage and scissor haircut is a must-do for any self-respecting Vulture. And within multi-cultural Britain, the community that seems to provide this service at the highest level is that of the Kurds. These guys are wizards with the scissors and, if I were to live here permanently, I have little doubt that I’d be sitting in the barber’s chair three times a week, maintaining the smartest of haircuts and a baby’s bum-like smoothness to my cheeks at all times!.....

….. Overheard at a department store’s menswear department in the heart of a city….. Customer: “Do you have these trousers in a bigger size?”… Sales Assistant: “What size are those in your hand?”… Customer: “These are large”… Sales Assistant: “Good lord, surely you can get into them - they are huge!”…. Gotta love the English for their bluntness…..

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture.

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?

p.p.p.s. Keep on humming, Hummingbird…

p.p.p.p.s. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

      

# 394 - February 19th, 2014

The Celebrated Preying Turkey Vulture of Warwickshire County 

by Markey Twulture

       Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… At the conclusion of the second week of my trip to The United Kingdom of Turkey Vultures, Buzzards, and Lesser Birds of Prey, the extreme weather continues to be the major talking point. As I may have mentioned the winter/spring has seen the most rain for 250 years - that means a lot of rain - and the resulting floods across the southern part of the country have been devastating for many, not to mention the consequential excessive amount of time I have had to spend inside cozy pubs listening to the locals solving the problems of the world. As a result I have lots to report but am not mentally or physically able to report it, other than the following important notices... I will do better next week...

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #430 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on one more occasion this month - tomorrow, Thursday, February 20. Call 462-8833 for further details. They set up at the AV Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and to avoid a line perhaps go around 3pm - you will definitely be seen. New customers and their pets are always welcome. Their next visit will not be until March 13… #431 - The 23rd annual Variety Show is just a few weeks away - Fri/Sat Mar 7/8… #432 - The monthly Community Sing-along returns to Lauren’s Restaurant this coming Saturday, February 22 at 8.30pm… #433 - The Senior Center has arranged a bus trip to historic Duncans Mills on Wednesday, February 26. This is open to anyone and will feature a tour of . Trombly’s Tea Shop, lunch at Historic Cape Fear, and a stroll through around the different shops on main street. The cost is just $5.00 plus lunch. If interested please call the bus service at 489-1175 or the Senior Center 895-3609. Space is limited…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the community meals over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, February 20, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Oven BBQ Brisket, Brussels Sprouts, Garlic Potatoes, Rolls, 3 Bean Salad, Couscous Salad, and Strawberry Cream Pie for dessert … Then next Tuesday, February 25, an evening meal will be served at 6pm, featuring Chicken w/ Kale, Garlic Pasta, Broccoli, Quinoa Salad, Orange Gelatin, with Better Cake for dessert... Remember, all ages are welcome!...

           

       So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well…

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 393 - February 12th, 2014

A Tramp-like Bird of Prey Abroad

                                   by Markey Twulture

      

       Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… So, while I continue to enjoy the Annual Birds of Prey Convention over here in the United Kingdom of Turkey Vultures, Buzzards, and Lesser Birds of Prey, Hummingbird informs me that the rains have finally arrived in the Valley. Long may that continue, although it will be sometime before approaching the levels of devastating affects that torrential rains and gale force winds are causing over here.

       The coastlines are undergoing a major battering and the rivers are breaking their banks in the south, with the lowlands (or Levels, as they are called) in the county of Somerset a virtual island at this time. Needles to say, the English are moaning and accepting at the same time, their stiff upper lips to the fore, resigned to their mantra of ‘keeping calm and carrying on’, and always making sure to take a break for a nice cup of tea at around 3pm…

       What better refuge from the elements than a pub?! As has been the case for centuries, the pubs are most welcoming, particularly those outside the trendy city center areas - those that provide a warm and cozy atmosphere somewhat representative of local people’s living rooms. With quality beers and ales from every tap, none with fruity flavors or overly hoppy, you know, ‘proper’ beers, and simple late night pub fayre such as cheese and onion cobs (rolls) or scratchings (fried pork skins), it’s like sitting in your own home with a bunch of friends and being served a perfect combination of food and drink. Why would you leave? Well, you don’t have to. With ‘after-hours’ available to those ‘locked in’ after the official 11pm closing time, when the curtains are closed and the ash trays come out, those remaining inside can continue with their fascinating conversations about ‘What makes a real English breakfast?’; ‘How will England do in the World Cup this summer?’;  ‘Does anyone care if Scotland becomes independent?’; ‘Is the friendly barmaid in the low cut blouse staring at me or is it wishful thinking?’ etc, etc… By 2am these questions have all been answered and it’s time to get a taxi home - one that can carry six inebriated friends to their abodes not more than a couple of miles away. It’s a civilized way to live, I must say - even without the friendly barmaid…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #121 - This Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Peculiar Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here for the same cause a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley, the profits from which will go to high school student scholarships, summer internships, and student and classroom grants. The event will feature a Happy Hour with drinks and appetizers at 7pm with the show following at 8pm. For advanced tickets ($25 adults; $10 Under 18), call Lanny at 895-2644 or Dick at 895-2561. Meanwhile check out the questionnaires posed by Steve Sparks to the two stars in this week’s newspaper… #122 - The monthly ‘Open Mic’ night at Lauren’s restaurant in Boonville resumes this Saturday, February 15 at 9pm. All are welcome - musicians, singers, poets, writers, impressionists, magicians, comedians, actors, fire-eaters, pole dancers, sword swallowers, ventriloquists, raconteurs, exotic dancers, animal callers, etc. No clowns - apparently they would scare any kids who might be there, and no mimes, please - they scare me!… #123 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on one more occasion this month - Thursday, February 20. Call 462-8833 for further details. They set up at the AV Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and to avoid a line perhaps go around 3pm - you will definitely be seen. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #124 - The 23rd annual Variety Show is just a few weeks away - Fri/Sat Mar 7/8… #125 - Need a burn permit? You can get one from the Firehouse in Boonville, also home of the oddly named Community Services District (C.S.D.) which, for those of you wondering, deals with all issues connected with the fire department, our local airport, the recreation center, and those street lights in the center of our heaving metropolis. Call 895-2075 for any questions regarding any of these services or stop by - you will be efficiently served with a smile - trust me on this…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community Lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, February 13, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Spaghetti, green Beans, Garlic Bread, Faro Salad, and Tiramisu for dessert … Then next Tuesday, February 18, the menu will feature Jared’s clam Chowder, Garlic Bread, Broccoli Salad, Wheat Berry Salad, Apple Spinach Salad, with Banana Pudding dessert... Remember, all ages are welcome!...

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and events under discussion this week at The Five-Dot Pub – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the heart of England, where people get together and share their thoughts about life in “This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle; this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars; this other Eden, demi-paradise; this fortress built by Nature for herself against infection and the hand of war. This happy breed of men, this little world; this precious stone set in the silver sea, which serves it in the office of a wall, or as a moat defensive to a house against the envy of less happier lands,-- This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England”….. Read on!.....

….. ‘I guess it’s an Americanism - Part 1’….. I offered the Wise English Owl a ‘warm-up’ this morning. I was obviously referring to her half-empty cup of coffee but, taking a brief break from her crossword and peering at me over her spectacles, she stated in a somewhat aloof manner, “I have no idea what you are talking about”…..

….. Myth Buster of the Week - ‘The English are not particularly polite.’ In fact when they get behind the wheel of a car some of them become downright rude and aggressive….. I thought you should know…..

….. The National Health Service and the coverage it provides for the citizens of Britain often bends but it does not break. The care is as good as anywhere else, free or astronomically expensive, and every first world country should surely have one….. Almost all of them already do…..

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave - the chip butty (French fry sandwich) is ready. So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred…

p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

p.p.p.p.s. Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin

# 392 - February 5th, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Well, it’s that time of year again - when I leave these parts for the Annual Turkey Vultures and Lesser Birds of Prey Convention at a secret location many miles from here. You will no doubt be pleased to hear that I shall be receiving a Special Vulturanitarian Award for lifetime services to the Birds of Prey Community of Northern California, to go along with yet another Carrion-Eater of the Year Title (Anderson Valley Region). Thanks to everyone who has made these awards possible, particularly of course Hummingbird, my fellow Vultures, and the noble carrion-providers... I shall return in a few weeks and look forward to resuming my Bird’s Eye Views in the A.V.A.’s March 12 edition... In the meantime, think lucky and you’ll be lucky; and don’t forget to prey…

       Well, those who thought it not very amusing to refer to this year’s Super Bowl as the Stoner Bowl, owing to the two teams competing in the game being from the only two states that have made recreational marijuana use legal, are probably wishing they were stoned themselves after sitting through what was one of the least competitive games in recent years. It seemed that everything that could go wrong, did go wrong for the Denver Broncos, while Seattle piled up the points at will in their lopsided victory. Denver’s tackling was dreadful, their special teams woeful, and the performance of ‘the world’s greatest every quarterback’ (surely not), Peyton Manning, eminently forgetful. The commercials were as weak as I could remember too, and watching the game in The Buckhorn, with my wagers on Denver out of the window by half-time, it was the least I could do to wallow in excessive amounts of spicy wings and drown my sorrows in Guinness… When does spring training start?...

      

       I am indebted to the musings of Chuck Becker (AVHS 1968) for his comments on the health care issue in his response to my rhetorical question in a recent column, ‘Why was it not done in an efficient, comprehensive, and orderly manner?’ Chuck’s remarks are too lengthy to reproduce here, but one point that stood out to me, for reasons that will become apparent, was his comment that the healthcare system is taking so long to fix “because of numerous defects in government, the first of which is money in government and politics. More prey attracts more predators (you now have my attention, Chuck).  Whether it’s defense, which it used to be almost completely limited to, or healthcare or education, they’re drawn by the scent and they shower money on whichever candidate gives them what they want.  So money begets money begets career politicians begets gougery and the Left and the Right scream at each other while the people in the middle turn away in disgust” Chuck is clearly not happy and it’s hard to disagree…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #563 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in town at the A.V. Farm on two occasions this month - tomorrow, Thursday February 6 and then in two week’s time on Thursday, February 20. Call 462-8833 for further details. They set up at the AV Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and to avoid a line perhaps go around 3pm - you will definitely be seen. New customers and their pets are always welcome… #564 - The A.V. Alsace Varietals Festival takes place at The Fairgrounds on Saturday/Sunday, February 8/9, featuring open houses and seminars, winemaker dinners, and local foods. Call 895-9463 for further details… #565 - Saturday, February 8 is movie night at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. At 8.30pm, the AV Film Club will present ‘20 Feet from Stardom’ -  "Triumphant and heartbreaking in equal measure, the film is both a tribute to the unsung voices who brought shape and style to popular music and a reflection on the conflicts, sacrifices and rewards of a career spent harmonizing with others.” Dinner and a movie? Why not?… #566 - The Grange Pancake and Egg Breakfast returns in February - it is always on the 2nd Sunday which means on this occasion it’s this Sunday, February 9 from 8.30am-11am; $10 per head. There is an ‘open mic’, which may add or detract from your dining experience - just letting you know… #567 - For those so inclined, the monthly Community Drum Session will return next Wednesday, February 12 at The Grange – contact Rob 3897 or Andy 3020 for further details… #568 - On Saturday, February 15 at The Grange in Philo, the A.V. Education Foundation will present their 2014 marquee event - “Heads-Up - Back by Peculiar Demand” featuring stars of film, television, and stage - Valley resident René Auberjonois and his good friend Howard Hesseman. These two appeared here a couple of years ago in what was a wonderful evening of entertainment and they now have a new ‘set’ that they will be presenting exclusively for the Valley. The profits from the event will go to high school student scholarships, summer internships, and student and classroom grants, and the evening will feature a Happy Hour with drinks and appetizers at 7pm with the show following at 8pm. For advanced tickets ($25 adults; $10 Under 18), call Lanny at 895-2644, Dick at 895-2561, or Laughing Dog Books in Boonville. Meanwhile check out the column in this week’s newspaper by Steve Sparks in reference to this event and its two stars… #569 - The Boonville Winter Market keeps chugging along every Saturday from 11am - 1pm at The General Store in Boonville…

         As a bonus P.S.A. here is the Community Lunch menu for the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Hall in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from Seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-Seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, February 6, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Tostadas, Beef, Beans Cheese, Avocados, Corn, Tomato Salas, Barley Salad, and Mixed Berry Nachos for dessert … Then next Tuesday evening, February 11 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Buttermilk Chicken Thighs, Carrots, Brown Rice, Strawberry Gelatin, Bulgur Salad, and a dessert of Carmel Apple Cake. As this is the 2nd Tuesday of the month, dinner will be followed by Bingo at 7pm. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and often Reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V.…

… The Buckhorn. Boonville is now operating as a full service restaurant and bar - yes, the margaritas, martinis, and single malts are back in the Valley. Well done to owner, Tom Towey…

… Many folks continue to wonder - ‘Ultimately, why did our local bookstore Laughing Dog Books close?’ Loretta Houck worked very hard and efficiently to make the operation work and one has to hope it was not another greedy landlord situation; a scenario that has seen too many local businesses affected one way or another, sometimes terminally? ...

… Hopefully Yelp.com, the ‘online urban guide and business review site’ is not that influential on people’s decision-making when it comes to dining around the Valley. Throughout much of its history there have been allegations that Yelp Inc. has manipulated their website's user reviews based on participation in its advertising programs and, based on some reviews of local establishments, those who do not advertise, one can see why. As every successful restaurateur knows, for every poor review tendered, there are many more unwritten positive reviews. Furthermore, to complain, one has to visit the establishment more than once surely? Unfortunately, it is the nature of certain folks to complain, Turkey Vultures excepted, many of who wouldn’t know a shrimp from a prawn…

… Last Saturday evening’s ‘Original’ Crab Feed was a ‘full-on’ event with an attendance of over 350 predominantly local folks determined to have a great night and ‘crab-out’ like it was the last crab on earth. (Given the amount that was eaten - 1400 pounds - it might possibly have been)… Another great job by organizer Gloria Ross and her team, including the ‘better-than-ever’ serving crew from the high school… We’ll do it again next year…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…

       Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace…

p.p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.p.s. Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!