# 91 - December 26th, 2007

Greetings one and all…Cold enough for ya? Being greeted by a succession of deep morning frosts is not my idea of fun but it does keep the flies off the carcasses and for that I am grateful. I’m sure you understand…
Right, let’s get on with the Turkey Vulture Quiz…Answers at the end…
1. In 1856 John Gschwend built The Valley’s first what?
2. Husch Winery is the eldest of the current wineries in operation on The Valley floor. What is the second oldest?
a) Handley b) Christine Woods c) Lazy Creek d) Navarro
3. Name the two venerable guest speakers at last year’s A.V. Film Festival – one was a pioneer in the film business, the other a veteran behind the scenes of many C.B.S. TV. Shows; both of these gentlemen are Valley residents.
Now it’s a quick Quote of the Week…”Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to” – by Mark Twain…Perhaps as relevant now as on the day he uttered these wise words…
The Valley’s Holiday social scene continues to whirl, and not just in a drunken way I can assure you. Last weekend saw two art openings/displays in the heart of Boonville and both were well received. First up was the work of Stan Peskett at the Art Studio behind the Farrer Building followed a little later on Saturday evening by Denver Tuttle’s latest offerings that were on display at The Mosswood Market. A nice crowd was at each event and the artwork seemed to receive plaudits from all. I can only say that whilst I do not know what I like, I do know art (?)…
On Friday, Hummingbird attended a pagan affair in honor of the Winter Solstice. About thirty people were in attendance at The Community Altar at The Caretaker’s Garden on Lambert Lane to celebrate the event with a ritual. As the congregation sat on benches provided by Dick Sand in loving memory of his wife, Lovella, the ‘service’ was led by Wendy Blankenheim-Read with additional segments from Patty Liddy, Audrey de Chadenedes, and music from Mitchell Holman on the mandolin. “It was very special,” said a beaming Hummingbird when she arrived home, “This Valley never ceases to amaze me”…Yer gotta like that!...
Saturday night saw both the carol singing event at Lauren’s and an ‘Open Mic’ Christmas Party at The Ox. Although neither brought in the “crowds” of Valley folk who no doubt intended to get off their sofas and come down out of the hills to take part, all those present were thoroughly entertained and no doubt enjoyed themselves. The hill-huggers and sofa-warmers missed out once again…
I am very pleased to report that my #1 fan, “Confused of Comptche, California” has sent me holiday greetings and some words to the wise…”Dear Turkey Vulture, Happy Holidays to you, Hummingbird, and all the gang up at The Nest. Let me share with you a little Christmas anecdote. My great Uncle Ernest was born in 1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn't as impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged sixteen when he choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924”…
Moving swiftly on…I was delighted to hear that the wise Master Shepherd and the very keen Deputy Shepherd have recruited an eager rookie shepherd and, together with their combined ten Border collie sheepdogs, they have secured the field next to the Barn Sale venue owned by St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church on Anderson Valley Way. They have “invited” a dozen Navajo-Churro sheep from Comptche plus three Targhee sheep from The Valley to join them, and the plan is to train the dogs on the sheep and hopefully revitalize the shepherding and dog-herding traditions of bygone days in The Valley. It’s just north of Boonville on the west side of Hwy 128 so if you see them working/training as you drive past, give them a wave, honk your horn, or “Better still”, says the Master Shepherd, “stop by, check out the dogs and sheep, and drop off three cold ones for when their work is done!”...
On that note, it’s time for me to take my leave. May the New Year bring you happiness and good health…Be careful out there, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…
Let us prey…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
Quiz Answers…
1. He built the very first sawmill.
2. Lazy Creek Vineyard is the 2nd oldest on the floor of The Valley.
3. Carroll Pratt and Ross Murray…Incidentally both will be presenting the awards at this year’s Festival, coming to The Valley on the weekend of Jan 25th-27th, 2008

# 90 - December 19th, 2007

Greetings and Happy Holidays to one and all! It’s the season to be merry and bright and a time for sharing with friends, family and loved ones - which can be one and the same of course…
First let’s have a special Turkey Vulture Christmas Quiz…
1. Counting Rudolph, how many reindeer are there?
2. In what country is official policy trying to replace Father Christmas with Grandfather Frost?
3. What beer company’s commercials feature Clydesdales stomping through a winter wonderland?
4. What movie’s main character was George Bailey?
5. What ‘Saturday Evening Post’ artist was known for his whimsical pictures of Santa Claus?
6. According to the gospels, what did the Wise Men bring?
7. In the song “Grandma got run over by a Reindeer” what did Grandma go to get?
8. What is Scrooge’s favorite phrase?
9. Who was the President on Christmas Day 1959?
10. What yuletide wish provides the closing line for “The Night before Christmas?

Next up it’s Public Service Announcement #21: Useful numbers at this time of year…For road conditions and closures use 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000…I just thought you should know…
The Party season continues and last Friday I was very fortunate to attend the Independent Career Women’s (I.C.W.’s) Xmas gathering at Scharffenberger Cellars in Philo. This is the only I.C.W. event of the year to which males are invited and there were about twenty of us there, being outnumbered about 3 to 1 – and yer gotta like that!...It was an excellent event with a large selection of fine wines, lovely food and snacks, interesting conversations all evening long, and, whilst I wasn’t the final person to leave (as is my custom at numerous Valley events) I was certainly in the last five or six. I felt it was the right time to go as one of the other males had just commented that it was “time to take that horny female home” referring to the ‘fun-loving’ Hummingbird at my side!…Many thanks to all concerned, in particular President Mary Pat, Treasurer Arlene, Secretary Terry, and Scharffenberger’s Sharon – great job…
It had felt like a party earlier in the day when I stopped in at the Elementary School to see some friends on the final day of the semester. This is definitely a fun place and I couldn’t help thinking that it’s too bad I’m not in 5th grade anymore. Everyone was smiling, kids and teachers alike, and I received more hugs in thirty minutes than I normally do in thirty nights at The Lodge, The Ox, Lauren’s, and The Hotel combined. I felt like Santa Claus in feathers…It was almost too good to be true, surreal even, and so I felt a little sense of relief when one little fellow came up to secretary Nicole and tearfully informed her that another boy had called him “butt-face”…Phew, “back to the real world”, I thought, “this place was getting scarily nice”…
Almost as “nice” was the event and setting I attended the following evening – Diana Charles’ and Bill Teague’s Xmas Cocktail Party at the Charles’ home just north of Philo. Many locals were there to enjoy the wonderful array of food and drinks. It was great to catch up with so many friends and I can only hope that nobody noticed how many bacon-wrapped shrimp I devoured, not to mention the amount of time I spent hovering over the amazing chocolate fountain, dipping in my strawberries and raspberries…
Much later that night I enjoyed some excellent and lively punk rock at The Ox thanks to local punkers, ‘Thirty aut Sicks’ and then later still I was very fortunate to be present at the unofficial and impromptu erotic/exotic dancing on the bar at The Lodge by an attractive young woman with a tattoo quite a few inches below her navel – oh, yes, good readers, it was a splendid night in The Valley…
Now it’s a beautiful Sunday morning but the rains are on the way and by the time you read this you may well have been soaked a couple of times – but, hey, we need it!...So will we get snow at Xmas? Not on The Valley floor I’m sure but up in the hills we just might. That would be very picturesque and Christmas-like. I’d love to see it, I’m sure I’d enjoy the festivities even more - but probably not quite as much as children and gay men for whom, as I’m sure they would agree, Christmas is really for…
I have only one more thing to add, and I think you know what it is – “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. Nine…2. Russia…3. Budweiser/Anheiser-Busch…4. It’s a Wonderful Life…5. Norman Rockwell…6. Gold, frankincense, myrrh…7. Her medication…8. “Bah, humbug”…9. Eisenhower…
10. "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night”…

# 89 - December 12th, 2007

Greetings one and all… Done your Christmas shopping yet? Sent all your cards out? Winterized your home? Cut your wood?... Aaaarrrggghhh!...Don’t panic, you’re not alone as this crazy time of year, with its ‘special’ demands on our time, kicks in. Take deep breaths, think good thoughts, and every time you want to scream or yell at someone or something, simply smile and walk away – trust me on this; you can thank me later…
Now here’s the Turkey Vulture Quiz…(answers at the end)…
1. What is the name of the State Park and Campgrounds at the 8 ½ mile marker on Hwy 128?
2. If you were enjoying a Bordeaux-style wine in the Valley, what would you be drinking? A) Cabernet B) Merlot C) Pinot Noir
3. What, according the road sign, is the population of Philo
A) 1098 B) 715 C) 415

Quote of the Week…’I never forget a face, but I’ll make an exception in your case”…Not Don Rickles, nor W.C. Fields, but the inimitable Groucho Marx…I hope he wasn’t referring to me…
Whine of the Week…With many thousands of communities in this country, from large cities to the smallest towns, each having their own community Christmas tree, why isn’t there one in Anderson Valley? Together with a special event one evening for the Xmas lights to be turned on and everyone to gather to enjoy a little Christmas cheer together, this would surely be a wonderful community event that would attract people of all ages from the various walks of life in the Valley. We certainly should have no problem getting donations from the small businesses and community-minded individuals; nor finding a tree and the volunteers to set it up. It just requires a little organizing. Is our Chamber of Commerce busy at this time of year? Surely it’s a task for them to consider…Or perhaps the Mayor should step up - where is the Mayor when we need him/her?...Or will The Tree of Xmas 2008 have to be organized by me? I’ll keep you posted about this unsatisfactory state of affairs…
Wine of the Week…Too many to mention this time around!...Yes, folks, it’s the Xmas Party Season in The Valley and I’ve been invited to most of them, which has resulted in an unseemly amount of wine drinking, meaning that I am unable to single out one Wine of the Week – suffice it to say, this Valley produces some wonderful “stuff”…Handley Winery, The A.V. Brewery, Esterlina Vineyards and Winery were all splendid affairs and numerous others are coming up this week, including the Xmas Party for the Independent Career Women (I.C.W.), an event which sees them welcoming males to their gathering for the only time of the year. I am very excited about this particular evening and it certainly offsets my disappointment at not being invited to the Husch Winery Xmas event (but I’m sure that invite must have been lost in the mail)…
Moving on…My #1 Fan, “Confused of Comptche, California”, sent the following observation to me this week …”Dear Turkey Vulture, I have just returned home after watching Oliver Stone's flick ‘World Trade Centre’, and I have to say I was a little disappointed by the storyline. Two planes crashing into the Twin Towers, on the same day? It's a bit far-fetched.”…Mr. Confused clearly needs to get out and about a little more wouldn’t you say?!!...
Talking of getting “out and about”, there’s not many around here that choose to do that more than we Turkey Vultures. Some of us will travel up to 200 miles a day and can rise as high as 20,000 feet, soaring for hours without flapping our wings. Then, at any moment, we may just swoop down at up to 60mph (I always go at just 55mph, of course) if our excellent eyesight has spotted dying or recently dead animals…It’s all part of the job of being “Nature’s Garbage Collectors” and I offer you these interesting snippets of “Jive Turkey” so that you can share them with friends, and no doubt fascinate them too…



On that note, it’s time to go…The roads are tricky so be careful out there and may your god go with you…Oh, and before I forget, if you are having some difficulty deciding what to get me for Christmas, a pair of beak and claw trimmers would be much appreciated, some of those carcasses can be very tough to deal with on a frosty morning…
Let us prey…Hungrily and Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. The park, and a lovely one on a hot summer day, is the ‘Paul M. Dimmick Park’.
2. The answer is C) Pinot Noir.
3. Answer A)...Yes, there are 1098 people living in Philo and its environs – I know this to be true because I’ve counted them from the skies above…

# 88 - December 5th, 2007

Greetings one and all…And how are your umbrellas holding up?...Better than the roof here at The Nest I hope, but that’s a story for another day…Meanwhile, here’s this week’s Turkey Vulture Quiz…(answers at the end)…
1. Where in The Valley is the area known in the past as Vinegar Hill?
a) On Hwy 253 b) Signal Ridge c) Peachland Road
2. Who wrote the following ‘Anderson Valley-based books?
a) Walking Tractor b) Boonville
3. What was the significance of the Redwood Classic Basketball tournament held at the high school last weekend?

And swiftly on to the Quote of the Week...”Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” – No, it wasn’t Archie Bunker, nor Homer Simpson…These words of wisdom were uttered by non other than, Benjamin Franklin – a great American, I think you would agree, not least because of this little gem…
And it provides an almost perfect segue to…The Wine of the Week…A good friend of mine, who wishes to remain anonymous for that very reason, is one The Valley’s finest abalone divers and once again he came up with the goods last week. Furthermore he shared his secret recipe for cooking it and together we prepared a sumptuous meal. Of course such an event should include a fine wine and on this occasion I opened a bottle of Pinot Noir brought home to The Nest by Hummingbird from the Esterlina Winery up at the top of Holmes Ranch Road…The secret recipe is quite simple, often the best way, I say – the abalone is removed from the shell, the ‘funny’ stuff discarded, and the rest hammered and cut into 1/2-inch thick slices, before being smothered in a batter mix of eggs, pulverized Ritz crackers, salt, and pepper and then sautéed in butter for about thirty seconds on each side. (Don’t tell Olie Erickson I shared this with you - oops!)…The combo of wine and abalone was perfect and the sensation of them in my mouth at the same time was, as I’ve often said in ‘The Wine of the Week’, “orgasmic” – the abalone season is just over but if you do get a chance to try it, let me know if it was as good for you as it was for me…Next week perhaps I’ll share Olie’s super secret recipe for crab – the season has just started and once again, he’s ‘The Man’…
The Whine of the Week…The phones went down at The Nest last week. I reported the problem but the best response I could get was that a technician would be here between 8am and 7pm the next day. I know many of you have experienced this ridiculous scenario yourselves but I am tired of hearing it so I suggested that the technician call my cell phone with an update on this 11-hour window when they knew more about their work day, maybe narrowing it down to “between 3pm and 7pm” or whatever. Any information would be useful and perhaps allow a frustrated customer to get something done that involves leaving the house for a short time on the day in question. I was told, rather abruptly, that this could not be done. On further questioning there was no reason for this despite the person on the line accepting the fact that such a policy would be useful. It’s pathetic and too many people will undoubtedly be forced to deal with this situation in the upcoming months. Why can’t the technician call ahead with a rough update?...I think we should be told….

‘A Wednesday Walkabout’…Quite an adventure last week as I checked out numerous people and places in The Valley…I stopped first at the Anderson Valley Inn just outside Philo on Hwy 128. It’s looking great these days and anyone with friends visiting and needing a reasonably priced, well-appointed, and delightfully yet simply designed room should consider this option…On to the high school where I bumped into Athletic Director Robert Pinoli busily preparing for the Redwood Classic Basketball tournament. He was confident the A.V. team would give a good account of itself but with a squad primarily made up of soccer players, he knew that team height would be a factor. And so it proved when they bravely went down 60-61 with their lack of rebounding being a huge factor in the loss…Next up was a brief visit to the Dump, usually a highlight of the week. This week was no exception and Smiling Bill had his hands full with a virtual gridlock situation. He sorted it out and could justifiably claim to have earned his daily wage in just 30 minutes…
Onward in to downtown Boonville…I stopped in at the hotel and walked around the ground floor, checking out the ‘gift shop’ and the kitchen, as well as the reception area, restaurant, and bar. There wasn’t a soul in sight. Having helped myself to various items from the fridge and wine collection, I made a hasty exit…No, I didn’t, I actually returned a little later (after 3pm) and bought a wonderful shower head from the gift shop. It’s ‘state of the art’, as ‘they’ say, and I can’t recommend it enough – it gets all the carcass leftovers off my head in no time…Over to the Ferrer Building where I enjoyed a gabfest with all the ‘obvious suspects’ - Ed at Buddy’s Ice Cream Shop, Sandy and Karen at Bates/Mailliard Mercantile, Leslie at All that Good Stuff, Colleen and Sharon at Mosswood, and even Major Scaramella at the A.V.A. Bunker – yes, despite the vicious rumors, he is actually quite an interesting fellow. What a good group of people, all working hard, yet each making the time to stop and have a brief chat – even with me! It made for a very stimulating afternoon in the heart of The Valley…and yer gotta like that…
Finally this week, here’s the most recent offering from my biggest fan, ‘Confused of Comptche, California’…”Dear T.V., A distant cousin of mine, whose daughter was hospitalized in a tornado in Tennessee a few weeks ago, told me that ‘God would make her better.’ Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with the tornado in the first place?”…I’m just as “confused” as you are on this one, my friend…
On that note, it’s time to go…The roads are tricky so be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; and may your god go with you, tornados or not…Now I really must go, but first - let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
Quiz Answers…
1. Vinegar Hill is up on the Philo-Greenwood Road, in the vicinity of Signal Ridge Road…
2. a) Bruce “Pat” Patterson b) Robert Mailer Anderson
3. It was the 50th…and “No”, our current Athletic Director has not attended every one, although he has done a wonderful job with organizing many of them…