# 291 - December 28th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Well that’s Christmas/Whatever-you-call-it ‘done and dusted’ and now on to Act 2 - New Year’s Eve! Try to enjoy yourselves and if someone is behaving badly just smile and walk away – you know it makes sense.
With all the excesses of the holiday season I have inevitably come to the conclusion that, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for ‘New Yorker’ magazine, almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening”. So, with the dawn of a new year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2012 – “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television” – difficult to argue with that, I’d say...
Delicious cheeses, homemade biscotti and breads; succulent hams, turkeys, hot chicken wings, and rib roasts; unique and zesty guacamole and bean dips, potato salads, garlic mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, etc., etc., etc., not to mention the accompanying wonderful local wines and thirst-quenching beers – yes the holidays at The Nest have been quite a binge so far... However, did you know that along with all those goodies, we Turkey Vultures also like our ‘veggies’? Yes, folks, a recent study of almost 400 of our pellets collected in the Castro Valley and Livermore areas in California showed that plant material was the single most common ingredient of the Turkey Vulture's diet. The material consisted primarily of grass and leaves. Don’t let all this fool you, though. Animal food items in the pellets included: shrew, mole, squirrel, gopher, mouse, rat, rabbit, bird, reptile, insect, muskrat, opossum, raccoon, skunk, badger, sheep, and coyote. If not consumed and sterilized by the TV's, these carcasses would have rotted on the ground and could have spread disease. We truly are nature’s garbage collectors and proud of it - “trust me on this - you can thank me later.”

Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #131 – Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville is having a New Year's Eve Dance Party with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, featuring Susan Clark. The music will start at 9:00pm with a $12 cover charge. Dinner served 5:00 - 9:00pm.... #132 - For many Valley folks of perhaps a different ilk, then The Boonville Saloon will have a party on the same night and this will most likely be a sort of alumni gathering for large numbers of the A.V.H.S. grads of 1970 to 2005 and their families and friends... #133 - Meanwhile, down the street at The Buckhorn there is an evening with a different flavor - Casino Night with four-course dinner, complimentary drinks, champagne at midnight, party favors, and $50 in casino chips... #134 - Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; as I’ve said many times before (in fact just moments ago in the previous paragraph) – “trust me on this, you can thank me later”...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... I am very pleased to report that ‘Confused of Comptche, California’ stopped by The 3-Dot this past week and shared some words of wisdom with the regulars... “Let me share with you a little Christmas anecdote. My great Uncle Ernest was born in 1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn't as impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged sixteen when he choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924”… I hope I wasn’t too late in sharing this tragic tale... Eat carefully...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “I thought I’d sit in for Turkey Vulture and do my own ‘Wine/Whine of the Week’... Having sipped a couple of glasses of the Claudia Springs Zinfandel with wild pig ribs on Christmas Eve, the choice for the Wine of the Week was easy – truly delicious, well done Bob and Claudia! My ‘Whine of the Week’ is far more in keeping with the Approach of the Apocalypse theme and it concerns the dreadful music played on Christmas morning on the Valley’s KZYX & Z radio station. After thirty minutes of dull and morose songs, I had to turn it off and scratch a blackboard with my claws. I know this is a subjective topic but what were they thinking of? Certainly not the vast majority of listeners, I’d say. Surely the show is not a private listening for the benefit of the presenter in a little room in Philo... I know, I know, they are volunteers and I realize it was Christmas Day and we should be grateful somebody showed up. With that in mind I even went back to the program, twice in fact, so that I might hear an improvement... But no, the choice of songs for such a festive morning continued to be most annoying and I turned it off until noon. That’s when Fred Wooley showed up on the airwaves with his ‘Audible Feast’ and, as always, provided us with some relevant and entertaining music - as many others frequently do, including Dianne Hering and Jimmy Humble to mention just two. As we are reminded repeatedly, KZYX & Z is ‘listener supported, community radio’ but sadly this will not be for much longer around Buzzardville Mountain if such programming as we were served up with on Xmas morning continues – and that would be a shame...
Oh, dear, did Buzzard upset somebody? Well, that’s unfortunate but I’m sure many others would agree with his comments about the Christmas morning broadcast... And some will possibly disagree – it is life in the Valley after all!... Meanwhile, until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Hopefully, the New Year will bring you happiness and good health and may your dreams come true for 2012... Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...

# 290 - December 21st, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Never let it be said that a Turkey Vulture is not a noble creature, particularly when it comes to admitting one’s mistakes. I recently wrote that the School Board members received health insurance through the school and that this surprised the few people in the Valley to whom the topic was mentioned. I personally thought this ‘perk’ was entirely plausible, given that the board is arguably making the most important decisions of any Valley board and was charged with designating large amounts of money to various projects. My initial source told me this was a fact. I did get a second source who also thought this benefit was quite possible. It should be mentioned that receipt of this 'perk' was not criticized, just that it was not a well-known fact. As it turns out, it is not a well-known fact because it is completely untrue!
This was pointed out to me by a Board member who was no doubt very surprised to hear through this column that he had this health insurance when in fact he knew that he most certainly did not. My source on that was incorrect and has since been fed to the pigs as a result of his sloppy investigation work. Meanwhile, the Board member and I talked it through in a dignified manner, I apologized sincerely, and, at the end of our conversation, handshakes were made and an assurance of our continued friendship was mutually agreed upon. I will endeavor to do my best to ensure that such an error does not occur again...
With this in mind, and for your Quote of the Week, I have found a couple of relevant comments on the issue of wrongdoing, both of which suggest that one error can undo a lot of good work... First it’s the English wit and historian, Thomas Fuller who said, “A small demerit extinguishes a long and worthwhile service.” And then there is the Latin proverb, “Those who are once found to be bad are presumed so forever.” Harsh stuff and a lesson learned by a humble Turkey Vulture...
So here we are again – another Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai, or whatever, and every year it seems to get more frantic out there. However, up here at The Nest, Hummingbird and I plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest, ultimately this holiday is only really for the enjoyment of a couple of groups of people. As a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco, I feel that I can state with a degree of authority that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men (they have the best Xmas parties) and children (for all the obvious reasons). Not that there is anything wrong with this of course, but I am neither, so I will no doubt eat, drink, and be merry in my own reserved and mellow manner... Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #21: Useful numbers at this time of year - for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know… #22 – The Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant will take place as usual tomorrow, Dec 22nd at 7pm. Yes, it is near to Christmas, but if you’re going to be hunkered down at home with loved ones for two or three days then perhaps a night out in the Valley, sipping beer and wine, enjoying a tasty meal, and exercising the mind, would be ideal preparation... #23 – An early ‘heads-up’ for the 6th Annual A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the A.V.H.S. Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website which has recently been updated and can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... With Xmas gifts still not purchased, some regulars were in panic mode this week. ‘Look no further’ I told them. ‘Crab Feed tickets are now available.’ The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th - you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071... Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; trust me on this, you can thank me later...
... The votes are in on the two ‘Best holiday season meal-deal dinners in the Valley’, both for less than $20. Our regulars have decided on Lauren’s Restaurant’s Hot Turkey Sandwich with gravy, cranberries, mashed potatoes and green beans and The Buckhorn’s Buffalo Burger with all the fixin’s and garlic fries. Having tried them both, I wholeheartedly agree, particularly when ‘devoured’ in the company of friends while guzzling a beer or two...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we talk again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 289 - December 14th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Unusually, let’s start off this week with our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, as he shares with us another in his insightful series - ‘Signs of The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, I attended several Holiday/Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai parties over the past week and have a few more to go before the ‘season of the goodwill’ is all over. However, it’s not all happiness and joy as evidenced by those folks who seem to get into such a flap over the ‘Happy Holiday’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ thing. I have heard of Valley folks refusing to attend Valley events because they were called a ‘Holiday Party’ and not a ‘Christmas Party’, and vice versa, I should add. Oh, please! Does it really matter? Of course I know the ‘big picture’ arguments as to why it might cause concern amongst both the ‘extreme P.C. crowd’ and the ‘bible-thumpers’, but really, to miss out on a lovely evening spent with friends simply because of the evening’s title?... Surely this time of year gives us all, including those who spend most of the time up on their soapboxes or pontificating from their ivory towers, to simply spend quality with loved ones and appreciate them being in our lives. But that’s easy for me to say – and so I just did...
As a pontificator of some repute myself (see example above), perhaps a couple of thoughts on this topic should provide your Quotes of the Week... First up, it’s former Presidential hopeful Adlai Stevenson, a man noted for his intellectual demeanor, eloquent oratory, and promotion of liberal causes, who said “The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.” Perfect - it’s certainly the very expensive price I seem to pay on my Valley travels... And then there is the classic comment on free speech from Voltaire who famously said, “I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”... Couldn’t have said it better myself...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #252 – The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, Dec 15 from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time - everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen... #253 – It’s the Christmas Carols Sing-a-long with pianist Lynn Archambault at 8.30pm this Saturday, Dec 17 at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville... #254 – Tomorrow is your last chance to enjoy a lunch at the Senior Center until 2012 as they will be closed until Tuesday, Jan 3... #255 – No Barn Sale this month...
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... Several regulars toasted the quick recovery from surgery to remove his gall bladder that Bob Sites will undergo this coming Friday. As this small organ aids in fat digestion and concentrates bile produced by the liver, I actually believe that a gall-less Bob will quite possibly be even better company than the previous version!...
... Kids sitting on a barstool at the bar?... This topic has been a hot one of late and something which, as a bar patron of many decades standing, I personally feel quite strongly about. To be blunt - they really should not be there! If for one minute I have to censor my comments or the topic of my conversation because a young kid is sitting next to me at a bar stool, then we’re clearly further down the road to Armageddon than I had previously thought... And it’s not just for me – it’s for the sake of ‘the little ones’ too! Would any parent really want their child to hear the foul-mouthed and frequently tasteless gibberish that is spoken by so many, so often, as they pontificate at a bar surrounded by like-minded friends and acquaintances? I thought not...
... Talking of gibberish, what is on the current criteria list for getting a show on KZYX & Z? From what I heard over the 90.7 fm airwaves one afternoon this past week, I can only deduce that being ‘articulate’ and ‘not mumbling inaudibly’ did not make the list in every case. I know, I know, I know – they are volunteers. But a Turkey Vulture like me could kindly and generously volunteer my time to look after your baby lambs while you were out of town – I would do my best not to, but it doesn’t meant that I would be able to stop myself from eating one or two while you were gone...
... A couple of regulars have heard through the Valley’s widespread grapevine that Deputy Walker was planning to take the Valley’s ‘Best Friend’, Bullet the police dog, to the high school last week in response to the increasing concerns of many staff regarding the permeating marijuana odor that sometimes emanates from certain areas of the campus. I am very aware that many of the students are frequently exposed to marijuana in our culture up here but smoking/selling it at school is obviously quite unacceptable. For reasons that you can work out for yourselves, the students were tipped off by an ‘inside source’ that this search was going to happen and nothing was found. However, the warning has been given, future unscheduled ‘investigations’ by Bullet are on the agenda, and if any incriminating evidence is found there most certainly will be serious repercussions for those involved...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave...Until we talk again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace – it’s been two years and you continue to be missed...

# 288 - December 7th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... While many of you will have seen me there, others would perhaps like to know that I spent a lovely evening in the company of the Independent Career Women at their Holiday Party held last week at Wellspring, or ‘River’s Bend’ as I believe it is now called. As a ‘male significant other’, it is the one time of the year that we are allowed into the inner sanctum, as it were, and the food, wine, and company were all excellent. However, to have the table-cloths removed at 8.30pm whilst still sipping an after-dinner drink was somewhat startling and then to be flying home at 9.15pm was even more unusual - the party was just getting starting and the music only a few songs in! This was explained when one of the hostesses half-jokingly said “Well, we need our beauty sleep and the wine has nearly gone!”...
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #443 – The movement to ‘Save Hendy Woods’ is holding a community meeting tonight, Dec 7th, at 7pm at The Grange – your support would be greatly appreciated... #444 – The Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be returning to the Valley for their December visit on Thursday 15th. As always they will be at The A.V. Farm Supply from 2pm - 3.30pm and have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then have to wait a long time. In fact, everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will definitely be seen... #445 – Sunday, Dec 11th is the date of the Holiday Pot Luck Dinner at The Grange. The Food Shed folks and Grangers will provide the ham, turkey, stuffing, potatoes and gravy – everyone else brings the rest and their own tableware. This is an alcohol-free event (inside The Grange Hall anyway!?) although at the time of writing I’m not sure if it is Ukeholic-free too!... #446 - Next Tuesday, Dec 13th is the second Tuesday so that means Dinner and Bingo at the Senior Center – good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now - you don’t have to be a senior to attend!...... And a couple of very early heads-up’s - #447 - The A.V. Senior Center Crab Feed will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 14th, 2012... #448 – And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 5th, 2012, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the Jan 14th big night out or Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the Feb 4th extravaganza.
With that ‘Save Hendy Woods’ meeting taking place tonight, I thought of The Old Buzzard’s comment earlier this year which probably sums up both the positive thoughts and serious concerns for many of us about what the future holds... Here they are, your Quote of the Week – “I visited Hendy Woods this past weekend. Is there a more perfect location in which to reflect on one’s existence, the meaning of life, to be thankful for all that we have, and be at one with nature? Not in my experience there isn’t, and the thought that this very special place may be closed to the public is surely one of the more distressing signs that the Apocalypse is indeed approaching”...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave and bid you farewell for another week... Until we meet again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...
p.p.p.s. Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?...

# 287 - November 30th, 2011

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Talking of ‘sitting comfortably’, that was something not at all easy to do after the vast amount of food that I devoured on Thanksgiving. You too, eh? The Turkey Coma was in full effect for about four hours and I really must try to behave with some moderation next year - but there is something about a vulture eating a turkey that is just so irresistible...
My philosophy regarding the Thanksgiving Day festivities, and I assume I’m in the majority on this, can be summed up by these words from the wonderful novelist and short story writer, W. Somerset Maugham (‘Of Human Bondage’ (1915)), who wisely observed, “Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.” – good stuff, William... Of course I could have given you the classic comment on this topic by William Blake. In fact, as this is the mantra for any self-respecting Turkey Vulture, I think I will add it anyway. It was Blake, a fine poet, who said, “The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” Who can argue with those for your Quotes of the Week?!
Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready... #382 – The Independent Career Women (I.C.W.) celebrate the holidays with their annual party on Friday, Dec 2nd at Wellspring just outside Philo. This is one of the most sought after tickets of the season, for men anyway. I hope to be there, representing my gender and species, and, as is my custom over the years, I shall endeavor to be the last to leave once again. I think I’ll have a good chance of keeping up that record, unless of course I am asked to leave early following some kind of ‘unfortunate misunderstanding’... #383 – The annual Holiday Bazaar sponsored by the A.V. Unity Club is this coming weekend, on Saturday Dec 3 at the Apple Hall in Boonville from 10am to 4pm. Christmas gifts and food, raffle, snack bar, and my personal favorite, photographs with Santa Claus, who, let me assure you, is neither the thinly-disguised A.V.A. Supremo Bruce Anderson nor a former owner of the A.V. Brewery, despite vicious rumors to the contrary... #384 – Just so you know well in advance, the Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here on Thursday, Dec 15 – more details next week...
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life...
... A number of regulars have been very disappointed to read that A.V. High School quarter-back, Garrett Mezzannatto, oldest son of Kevin and Reneé Lee (Wyant), was forced to wait over two weeks to get an M.R.I. after receiving a serious knee injury on the final play of his high school career at Pt. Arena back on ‘Black Saturday’ – Nov 5th, a day so-called after both football and soccer high school teams lost their final games of the season with championships beckoning. This delay occurred despite the fact that he had medical insurance. It was primarily a result of the usual bureaucratic bullsh*t and gives us yet another insight into the inefficiency of our health system and an example of a situation that would almost certainly not occur in the many nations around the world that have ‘civilized’ healthcare systems in place. As the editor of this esteemed organ would say – ‘it’s criminal.’ Meanwhile, the injury means that this fine young man’s final seasons of high school basketball and baseball could be in doubt, although if anyone can return to play in either of these sports after this particular injury then it would be Garrett... We here at the 3-Dot wish him the very best on a speedy return to both the boards and the mound...
... Talking of medical matters, despite the recent school board election process taking place, during which the board’s activities and functions being under the ‘microscope’ as it were, it still seems that to most regulars at the 3-Dot, and to folks around the Valley in general, it comes as a surprise when told that School Board Members get medical insurance through the school as a perk of the job... Not that there is anything wrong with that...
... From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series - ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse’... Buzzard reports, “Several regulars have recently commented, many of them quite angrily, on the wide range of propane prices in the Valley at this time of year. I have done intensive research and in summation it would seem that the whole propane business is one big racket with deals offered either with little rhyme or reason or at the discretion of the person in the office, particularly if the threat of changing company is made. Meanwhile, special offers are made to entice new customers, mysterious add-on fees and surcharges appear on bills, and exorbitant charges are made to remove tanks if a customer changes their propane company. All-in-all, it is a very unsatisfactory situation and I can only advise propane users take these few precautions. Try to compare the prices of the four main companies – Suburban Propane (462-3858), Ferrellgas (463-1515), Eel River Fuels (462-5554), and Redwood Coast Fuels (463-3100) and get them to lock in your opening price for as long as you can; check bills from one to the next and be aware of significant price rises per gallon; if your price per gallon goes up, call to inquire why and do not be put off with vague explanations – ask to talk to the supervisor if you are not satisfied. Personally, up here at the Nest we have Suburban but their customer relations are pathetic and their prices high and non-negotiable at this time. A move to the more locally-owned and certainly cheaper ($3.09 compared to $3.99) Eel River Fuels is a distinct possibility once I get to deal with the annoying tank removal... Good luck with this, you will need it.
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Until we meet again - ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace...