# 138 - November 26th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin….And a Happy “Turkey and Football Day” to all! What a great day – “well done!” to whoever thought of it (?)...Family, friends, food, drink, and football –it doesn’t get much better than that! This Mother-of-All national holidays used to be called “Thanksgiving” but its new title has far greater relevance in this day and age, so I am led to believe. To some, that is no doubt sacrilegious, but to most others apparently it is reality… With this in mind, here’s an appropriate Valley Quiz...
1. Which two teams in the N.F.L. traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving?
2. How many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?
a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d) 90
3. One year after the 102 pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died. So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the ration of men to women at that historical event? a) 2:1 b) 5:1 c) 9:1
Staying with the “Thanksgiving” (I prefer this traditional title) theme for the Quote of the Week, I have a few words from Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all the family is gathered together on the big day – “Families are all about love overcoming emotional torture”…Hey, it could have been worse – I was going to share Joseph Stalin’s comment about gratitude which is a feeling we should all perhaps have on this special day. He said “gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs” – what a miserable bastard; I shall not be inviting him or his ilk over tomorrow!...O.K., let’s have a positive thought to finish with – and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – I can’t argue with that!...
Whine of the Week…Not for the first time I have been reminded by a couple of concerned local citizens that crossing the road in downtown Boonville can be a very dangerous task – and that’s for those who use the crossing! It should first be pointed out that this pedestrian right-of-way is not nearly as clearly marked for the motorist as it might be - the warning sign is back from the road and not lit, and there just isn’t one coming from the south! However, this is no real excuse for the numerous near misses I have heard of, particularly those occurring as the darkness descends around 5pm and downtown is at its busiest. There is a 30 mph limit in town and yet many vehicles continue to just come storming through, way above that limit, seemingly unaware that pedestrians are waiting to cross the road. On behalf of the particular locals who have spoken to me, but also for the benefit of everyone, I humbly suggest that we all slow down when driving in town, taking extra care to be aware of any people who may be standing at the crossing…I’m sure nobody wants to be that driver who hits the A.V.A. headlines, accompanied by an unflattering photograph of course, as a result of either smashing into the pensioner tottering across the road to get his/her social security check from the Post Office or ploughing into a thirsty pedestrian heading in the opposite direction for a much-deserved after-work beer at The Boonville Lodge - like myself, perhaps...Oh, and whilst we’re talking about this particular area of downtown, isn’t it illegal to block the crosswalk? This is something I often see people do when they stop to go to the Post. Who are these people? I think we should be told...
And obviously we should now turn to the Wine of the Week…It has to be the Meyer Family Cellars delicious Port. Following a lamb chop dinner Sunday evening, I sipped down a couple of glasses of this delicious red nectar last weekend too complement some “Tin Roof Sundae” – vanilla ice cream with rich veins of chocolate marble and a liberal sprinkling of chocolate-covered peanuts by Clover-Stonetta Ice Cream (stocked by Lemons Market in Philo). It was, as regular readers would expect in any Wine of the Week, an “orgasmic” experience...Think about buying a bottle for the post-Thanksgiving Dinner wind-down – trust me on this; you can thank me later...
I’m outta here…I hope you have a wonderful day with loved ones; be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
Quiz Answers…
1. The Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys play at home on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving…
2. A Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had little luck when trying to creep up and capture one for dinner. I suggest you just buy a fresh one from Lemons’ Market!
3. With only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 – there were just five women remaining!

# 137 - November 19th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin….Here’s the Valley Quiz!...This time I’ll be testing your knowledge of “important” Valley dates in time…
1. In what year was the first Variety Show?
2. How about the year of the very first A.V. Beer Festival?
3. And finally, when did the A.V. Pinot Festival begin?...
All three were founded within a few years of each other - two points for a correct answer; one point if you get within two years…Answers at the end…
A little bird has informed me that the Independent Career Women will enjoy their monthly gathering this evening (November 19th) at the Veterans Hall. I’d love to attend but my invite has once again been “lost in the mail” (?)…Next month is their Christmas Party and there is a very promising rumor going around that a request for the pleasure of my company will be hand delivered! Yer gotta like that!...
Meanwhile, speaking of Independent Career Women, Hummingbird has just returned from a few days with her family in the mid-west and I must say that it’s great to have her back. Not wishing to put words into the bard’s mouth or at the tip of his pen, but I do believe that if he had ever swung by these parts and met her, Shakespeare would probably have observed, “Age cannot wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety”…And that, good readers, is the Quote of the Week. You should feel free to use it when referring to your own loved ones - compliments don’t get much better than that…
On the entertainment horizon we can look forward to the 3rd Annual Anderson Valley Film Festival coming to The Grange at the end of January (22nd – 25th) with one third of the twenty-four movies having some connection to the Valley, including ‘Pig Hunt’ and ‘The Spirit of the A.V. Variety Show 2008’; and then in the early summer it will be the turn of the Theatre Guild when they put on their annual show, also at The Grange, and this time it will be from the works of American humorist James Thurber under the directorship of Rod Basehore…I thought you’d like to know…

Public Service Announcement #211 – I have spoken to the Vets in Ukiah at the Mendocino Animal Hospital and they are unable to get anyone over to The Valley this month and December isn’t going to happen either – they are short staffed. It would appear that, until the New Year at least, it’s going to have to be a trip over the hill for your pet’s needs. That’s too bad – a traveling vet is a great thing to have and hopefully they will return in very early 2009…
Public Service Announcement #212 – With Thanksgiving coming next week (Nov. 27th), the Barn Sale will not be held on the final weekend of the month as usual but instead it will be this coming weekend, November 22nd and 23rd, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday…As always you will be able to peruse the bargains galore in the Big Barn alongside The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville, where you will be greeted by the smiling faces of Eva Holcomb and Gloria Ross and of course treat yourself one of Bill the Grill Master’s ‘world famous’ Holcomburgers…

I spent a very relaxing couple of hours at Mosswood Market in downtown Boonville last Saturday morning and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Good coffee, lots of familiar faces, and a very steady flow of customers indeed. It really has turned into quite a gathering place for locals and visitors alike – good for Sharon, Colleen and the rest of the crew…And, just a few yards away, I stopped by to wish the new owner of the Log Lifter Ice Cream shop, Erica Kesenheimer, daughter of Paula, all the very best as she embarks on her adventure to try to make that business a success. She has some good ideas and the best wishes of many. So, Valley dwellers, I herby encourage you to support your local businesses and remember – “eating out is fun!”…

Well, now I think it’s time to take my leave…Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; get out and buy your Turkey, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at
turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…And before you get too ‘down and dirty’, try to remember - sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me – unless of course somebody hits me with a really heavy, hard-covered dictionary…
Quiz Answers…
1. 1992 2. 1996 3. 1998
If you managed two points on each, some might accuse you of being a bit of a Party Animal…I couldn’t possibly comment other than to say, “Well done!”

# 136 - November 12th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…How was your Veterans/Armistice/Remembrance Day? Suitably commemorative I would like to think. I found myself reading the World War One poetry of Wilfred Owen – truly wonderful and moving literature, I must say – not something to ponder if you feel like being cheered up. Having said that, there is little that can make you feel more grateful for what you have in this life than to be humbled by a read of these harrowing yet beautifully poignant lines depicting one man’s experiences and thoughts of the futility of war...
This leads us very appropriately into the Quote of the Week…This one comes from President John F. Kennedy. I may have used it before but having just seen H.B.O.’s “Section 60 – Arlington National Cemetery” about a quadrant at the cemetery in Washington D.C. set aside specifically for those killed in Afghanistan and Iraq perhaps his words are as relevant as ever…”Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind”…With the horrors of war going on in both Afghanistan and Iraq, not to mention Palestine, the Congo, Sudan, Sri Lanka, etc, etc, etc, and with numerous terrorist groups/governments striving to secure nuclear weapons, one cannot help but think that at some point in the not too distant future he may well be proven correct…Of note: the Section 60 part of the cemetery has been called “the saddest acre in America” by some. As a grieving mother says, “it is also one of the most honorable”…
Enough of the doom and gloom, absolutely necessary though it sometimes is, it’s time for the Valley Quiz and this week the emphasis is on a few of the many classes available here in The Valley – Answers at the end…
1. Who runs the excellently named “Stitch and Bitch” sewing circle?
2. One Valley resident offers classes in both karate and horse riding – not at the same time I assume. Who is it?
3. We have a number of yoga classes at this time so name two instructors…
Last Friday morning another sheep went down. This one was in the field next to the Barn Sale building, beside Hwy. 128 just north of Boonville, and myself and a few close relatives (nineteen of us in total) were naturally on to it quicker than you can say “fresh meat”. As we devoured our breakfast/lunch/dinner, obviously starting with the hors d’oeuvres (the eyes), we were interrupted by the shepherd who apparently had been receiving phone messages about the dead ewe. It was not clear whether the messages were from people just courteously informing him he had a dead sheep or from people upset at the sight of a Gathering of Turkey Vultures in a feeding frenzy around a dead sheep. If it was the latter then I say “ too bad!” This is what happens in nature and, as I’ve pointed out many times before, we are nature’s garbage collectors and it’s not all glamour. Besides, we Turkey Vultures don’t complain, no matter how upsetting it may be to us, about the bloodless and civilized sight inn downtown Boonville of people delicately sipping a refreshing cup of coffee outside Mosswood Market or gently licking a delicious ice cream bought from Loglifter Ice Cream. But I digress - the good shepherd moved the sheep out of the view from Hwy.128 and we finished our meal off peacefully yet very thoroughly. I just thought you should know…
This just in from my top investigative reporter, Balding Eagle, embedded with the Onion Magazine at The White House…”In a press conference held this morning on the White House lawn, President Bush formally asked the assembled press corps and members of his own administration if, in light of today's election, he could stop being the president now. ‘So it's over, right? Can I stop being president now?’ Bush said after striding to the podium in a Texas Rangers cap and flannel shirt, carrying a fully packed suitcase. ‘Let's just say I'm done as of now. Presidency over.’ When informed by reporters that his presidency would continue through early January, Bush stared at them quizzically, sighed, and shuffled silently back into the White House…”
Moving on to ‘confused’ people much closer to home…Various local waitresses has recently informed me that there are a couple of Valley Christians who regularly frequent the Valley’s restaurants and instead of a tip they insist on leaving religious literature in the not-too-subtle hope that the servers will repent for their sins and turn to the Lord for salvation. Not a bad deal for the Christians, eh? Not only do they get their jollies from trying to convert young women to their way of thinking but they also get to save a little cash…I couldn’t possibly comment any further…
Oops, now the Christians are after me - I suppose I should get my coat and leave…Be careful out there; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
Quiz answers…
1. The “fun and gossip” night is organized by Sandy Creque. Further information at 895-2890.
2. Brenda Stone is the horse riding, martial arts expert (895-2852).
3. As far as I know there are four yoga classes currently offered so your answer could have been any two from Mary Pat (895-3007), Melissa (895-9541), Kira (877-3479), or Kristen (895-3612).

# 135 - November 5th, 2008

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Well, I’ve been under the weather a little so not only did I miss the weekend’s Halloween events (I was suffering my own version of the ‘horrors’ in the bathroom) but my sickness also means that this week’s “Bird’s Eye View” will not have the usual Valley Quiz and will be somewhat less ‘socially aware’ as I’ve been Nest-bound for a few days. Normal service will be resumed a.s.a.p. - next week, hopefully…
Anyway, with ‘sickness’ on my mind perhaps the words of philosopher and man-of-letters, Ralph Waldo Emerson, provide a very appropriate Quote of the Week…”All sicknesses run into one – old age” – he was an annoyingly clever bastard wasn’t he?...
First up – did you vote? If not, then any complaining about the government is not really valid…
Next Tuesday – November 11th – is Veterans Day (Remembrance Day in Europe and Canada) and in surely a very important day for observance. This day marks the end of hostilities in World War One (the so-called “War to end all Wars” - if only it had been), which took place at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. In my opinion it is not a day to celebrate victories but rather one for remembrance of those who fought, and in many cases gave their lives, so that ours may be better. To my knowledge, and please correct/inform me if I am wrong, there is no service to commemorate Veterans’ day in The Valley. That’s really too bad…
Meanwhile, I’d like to share with you a few poignant words from the very moving poem ‘For the Fallen’ by Laurence Binyon, written during W.W.1, that sum up how I humbly and sincerely believe we can reflect for a brief moment or two on this day...
“They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”
Public Service Announcement #715 – I called the Mendocino Animal Hospital the other day and they informed that they are short-staffed at present and so, unless something unlikely happens, there are no planned visits by their vets to Dig Supplies here in The Valley in either November or December. Disappointing I know, but that’s the way it is. I just thought you should know so you can make plans to go ‘over the hill’ to Ukiah for your pet’s needs. I’ll let you know if the situation changes…
Before I caught this ‘bug’ I made a couple of oft-postponed exploratory flights back up into the hills above The Valley. Firstly I flew up Peachland Road for about five miles and found it very quiet indeed, passing one horse, one truck and no livestock on the way. I found it eerily beautiful but what do people do back there? Perhaps I shouldn’t ask…Then, a few days later, just before the rains, I decided to see how far I could get up along Whipple Ridge Road, starting from the P.G. & E. plant behind Philo. There are some spectacular views to be enjoyed up that way and most of the gates were open until I reached a spot, perhaps two miles along, looking way back down on Jack’s Valley Store. As I turned around I spotted a hawk majestically zoom over me and swoop down upon a squirrel scrambling across the meadow below. The catch was perfect and the kill instant. I thought about moving in for some lunch myself but then remembered that you’re better of kissing an angry bear’s ass than interfering with a hungry hawk who is enjoying a well-earned and peaceful lunch in the hills…
Moving on…Just a quick ‘thank you’ to reader Carl Flach of Alameda for sending me a copy of the excellent “Buzzards” by Lee Zacharias which appeared in ‘Best American Essays 2008’ (recently released and available very reasonably from Amazon.com). I humbly suggest that you read it too – it’s a beautiful thing, seriously…
Talking of beautiful things, last Wednesday afternoon as I flew casually down Hwy.128 I noticed about a ten of my brethren on and around a medium-sized, very recently killed deer near to Breggo Cellars, on the opposite side of the highway to Bill Hill’s Huge Hole. It was about 1.30pm and, judging by the state of the deer’s body, the first Turkey Vultures had only just arrived. I waved to my buddies and explained that I had an appointment in town but would return for a snack later. On my return journey, I was shocked to find the deer gone with just a few scattered meatless bones remaining. I do believe this was a new Valley record for twelve Turkey Vultures or less – a fully devoured deer in a time of just 2 hours and 5 minutes! Yer gotta like that – even if I did miss my snack…
I’ll get my coat, shall I?…Be careful out there; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. It’s not all glamour being a Turkey Vulture but we certainly do get many compliments. My favorite comes from no less an ‘expert’ than Charles Darwin who said about us Turkey Vultures, “A disgusting bird whose bald scarlet head is formed to wallow in putridity” – Thank you, Mr. Darwin – I think you will go far…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…