# 443 - 28th January, 2015

        Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… To begin this week let’s hear from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, with another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “Most folks are hopefully interested enough to be well aware of the Republican hold on both houses of Congress, but at the state level many people may have missed that they also now control both chambers in 30 state legislatures and in 24 states their power is unchecked - meaning they control the legislature and the governorship. My research tells me that the party has not had this much clout in the states since the 1920s and only seven states currently remain under complete Democratic control - Vermont, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Delaware, Oregon, Hawaii, and of course California.
       This means quite simply, and in my humble opinion, that the ‘Apocalypse is Approaching’ and perhaps it can only be stopped from doing so if the Republicans choose yet another incompetent as their Presidential candidate for 2016 - enter Mitt Romney, the new Republican frontrunner... Oh well, at least when he loses we can all look forward to his third autobiography”(?)… As Winston Churchill said, “Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once, but in politics many times” - welcome back, Mitt!... (Warning: ‘Saint’ Reagan lost twice before winning)…



       Moving on… Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #477 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley tomorrow, Thursday, January 29. As usual, the venue and time is the A.V. Farm Supply from 2-4pm, and new customers are always welcome. Unfortunately, due to staffing problems, there are no visits scheduled for February at this time… #478 - Final word on this - The Crab Feed on February 7 has sold out - all 350 tickets. The waiting list has also been closed… #479 - The Boonville Winter Market is every Saturday, rain or shine, in front of the Boonville General Store, 10-12:30. Come on down to Boonville and either sell or buy locally grown or made food or crafts. For more info, call Cindy at 895-2949… #480 - No Barn sale over the first weekend of the new month - that event will begin in April, I believe…

       As a bonus P.S.A., here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors for lunches and charges $7 for Non-seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 29, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be the ‘Breakfast for Lunch’ - French toast Casserole, with Oatmeal breakfast cookies for dessert… Then, next Tuesday, February 3, lunch will feature Meat Loaf, Mashed potatoes with gravy, Corn Barley salad, and Cup Cakes for dessert. All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…



       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V. and where we subscribe to the Winston Churchill philosophy that “A lie will get halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its pants”… So I guess I’ll put my pants on and begin…

… Following previous weeks’ clearly successful introduction of ‘Turkey Vulture’s Ideas for An Even Better Valley’, the 3-Dot brain trust and myself met once again and have come up with two more brief and simple guidelines/suggestions for the Valley’s welfare in 2015. Here we go… 1. - No more ego-vineyards are allowed. Particularly if it is to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-it-all who assumes they can make wine just because he/she has made their millions in an entirely different field of expertise. Further disqualifications would be if they are living in some far flung location and has never lived here; or if they are someone who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit them in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on their head… 2. Chocolate Chip Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley at all times… (For previous weeks’ suggestions see the end of column)…

… For entertainment purposes only - after all I know you don’t bet; who would - you’ll never find a bookie in dire financial straits - I suggest you give up the single point currently offered on the current Vegas odds and go with the very slightly favored New England Patriots in this coming weekend’s little football game. Patriots’ Coach Bill Belichick not only knows how to ‘bend the rules’ he is also arguably one of the smartest coaches in history; Seahawks’ coach Pete Carroll is not. So, with the teams virtually equal after all of the usual categories are considered, I’d say you go with the smarter coach, particularly when he has two weeks to prepare... I’d also go with the ‘Under’ on the total points scored, currently at 48… As you will not be putting any money on the game of course, perhaps with your ‘goodwill and gratitude’ you can take me out for a burger and fries at Lauren’s or spicy wings at The Buckhorn… Just a thought…

… Speaking of our local restaurants, Aquarelle, Stone and Embers, and Libby’s are all still closed, although I am reliably informed that the latter’s re-opening is imminent… Meanwhile, many thanks to those at the other Valley eateries who have been feeding us so well…

… A number of 3-Dot regulars plan to attend the Unity Club meeting at 1pm on Thursday, February 5 at the Fairgrounds when both high school principal Michelle Hutchins and local deputy sheriff Craig Walker will give talks and hopefully be asked to respond to demanding questions as the audience sips coffee and nibbles on cookies. It all sounds very civilized to me and I’m already looking forward ‘stumping the guests’…



       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave - once again I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - pleased in the knowledge that the old hare has returned safely to his burrow…



Previous suggestions for ‘Turkey Vulture’s Ideas for An Even Better Valley’ in 2015…

1. All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ day-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…

2. Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Turkey Vulture Retirement Home Plan - we should make quite a bundle…

3. The small choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…

4. When people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know”. That is o.k. - We can’t all know everything about everything, and this is a very acceptable response is such instances. Perhaps more importantly, it will also save everyone lots of time…



p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

p.p.s. Skylark – read any good books lately?... Keep on humming, Hummingbird… Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is…

# 442 - 21st January, 2015

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… The folks who coach sports at our local schools do a fine job with little financial reward - not that they want any more, I’m sure. The stipend they receive may possibly cover the gas they use driving to and from the school each day, and some choose to donate what they receive back to the school sports booster program. Others feel they cannot afford to do this and accepting some compensation for gas is fair given the many hours they donate. Either way, the numerous benefits to the school experience enjoyed by many student athletes are a testament to the coaches’ hard work and dedication.

       The time given to coaching is a significant part of anyone’s week, certainly a minimum of 20 hours in most sports, so perhaps it is not a surprise to learn that in recent weeks, after coaching changes at the high school in football, baseball, boys basketball, and volleyball over the past couple of years, two coaching positions have again become available. There is once again a need to find a new high school volleyball coach for the late summer when practices begin, and also, but more urgently, at the junior high school, they need a new soccer coach for their co-ed program beginning in just two months time and running from mid-March to mid-May. I am aware of a couple of parents who would willingly assist the soccer program for practices and some games but neither is able to take on the role of head coach. This does not necessarily require the 20 hours that other coaching jobs do, so if you can spare a few hour a week then please contact the Athletic Director, Robert Pinoli, at the high school, 895-3496…

         With sports in mind let’s refer to the following classic comments from some of the great ones for your Quotes of the Week… “There may be people that have more talent than you, but there’s no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do.” – Yankee great, Derek Jeter… “Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” – Baseball Hall of Famer, Ted Williams… “One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than fifty preaching it.” – Legendary coach, Knute Rockne… “It’s not the will to win that matters—everyone has that. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters.” – long-time Alabama coach, Paul “Bear” Bryant… “Do you know what my favorite part of the game is? The opportunity to play.” – Football Hall of Famer, Mike Singletary… “One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team. ” – All-time leading NBA scorer, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar… “Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.” – coach/owner of the Chicago Bears, George Halas… “When you win, say nothing, when you lose, say less.” – influential football coach, Paul Brown… “What to do with a mistake: recognize it, admit it, learn from it, forget it.” – college basketball coaching legend, Dean Smith… “It ain’t over till it’s over.” – one of the greatest catchers in baseball history, and a man of many pithy remarks, Yogi Berra… “Never give up! Failure and rejection are only the first step to succeeding.” – inspirational college basketball coach, Jim Valvano… “It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up.” – another legendary football coach -Vince Lombardi… And finally, a succinct comment on perhaps why sports is so important to so many people in our society, both the participants and those who watch and support - “Sports serve society by providing vivid examples of excellence.” – political commentator and serious baseball fan, George F. Will…

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #917 - The Crab Feed on February 7 has sold out - all 350 tickets. The waiting list has also been closed - at 20 requests… #918 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley next Thursday, January 29… #919 - The Boonville Winter Market is every Saturday, rain or shine, in front of the Boonville General Store, 10-12:30. Come on down to Boonville and either sell or buy locally grown or made food or crafts. For more info, call Cindy at 895-2949. As a special treat, Bunny Bill will once again have onion and leek starts, but whatever you do please avoid asking him to share his carrots - somebody did this last week and you can still see the bite marks!... #920 - The Mendocino Bookmobile resumes visits the Valley on Tuesday, January 27. They are in the Valley on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Navarro Store 9am (for 30 minutes); the Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Phone 463-4694 for further details…

            As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches and dinners over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 22, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be Vegetable Soup and Banana Split Cake for dessert… Then, next Tuesday evening, January 27 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Sesame Noodle and Chicken, with Kahlua Cake for dessert. All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there… 

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V. and where we subscribe to the Winston Churchill philosophy that “A lie will get halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its pants”… So I’ll put my pants on and continue… Here are a few snippets, good and not so good, of what was discussed this past week at the Lounge…

… The Crab Feed to benefit the Senior Center on Saturday was a sold out success and everybody seemed to enjoy the crab and have a good time… In our opinion, the raffle went on a little too long and perhaps if some prizes had been lumped together as extra live auction items, this would have generated more money for the Center and engaged the crowd even more - particularly with ‘professional’ auctioneer W. Dan in attendance… Just sayin’…

… The Super Bowl will feature New England and Seattle, who somehow managed to beat Green Bay on Sunday when they had a season’s worth of good fortune in three minutes of play… As any self-respecting 49er fan will know, the ‘conceited’ Seahawks are not a particularly likeable bunch, although many NFL followers would perhaps say the same about the ‘cheating’ Patriots…

… The Elder Home complex is planning to welcome some local elderly folks in the very near future - ‘it’s about time’ I can hear many folks say. Well it is definitely happening and the Board should be congratulated for getting it done…

… The new ‘Afternoon Club’ is also not too far off. This will be for elderly folks to spend a few hours at the Senior Center on Thursday afternoons so that their care-taking spouses can get a break. The Center is currently looking for an experienced person to coordinate and operate this venture and will pay $20 an hour (six or seven hours a week) to the person they hire - call 895-3609 for details if you or someone you know are interested…

       I’m outta here - I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - pleased in the knowledge that the old hare has returned safely to his burrow

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace… Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well… Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

# 441 - 14th January, 2015

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… And let’s start off by wishing the following Valley folks hearty congratulations on their January Birthdays – Shirley Hulbert, Eva Johnson, Jim Nickless, Maureen Bowman, Vicky Centers, Gene Walker, Sue Davies, and Patrick Ford – ‘Many happy returns!’... Here’s one of my favorite comments about a related topic – birth. It comes from my old friend Bill Shakespeare who wrote a few decent plays about 400 years ago, and in perhaps his best tragedy, ‘King Lear’, he included the following line, “When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools”... Difficult to argue with that, I’d venture to say...

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #917 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley tomorrow, Thursday, January 15, and again in two week’s time on January 29. As usual, the venue and time is the A.V. Farm Supply from 2-4pm and new customers are always welcome. Previous visitors should be aware that they can call 462-8833 and the vets will bring your pet’s charts with them - making this an even better service than it already is!… #918 - The first of the Valley’s two annual Crab Feeds in the Apple Hall at the Fairgrounds in Boonville will be held this coming weekend, on Saturday, January 17. Tickets ($30) for this event, that benefits the Senior Center and is organized by the hard-working Board, are on sale at the Senior Center (895-3609), A.V. Market, Rossi’s Hardware, or Lemons’ Market… In three weeks time, on Saturday, February 7, it will be Gloria Ross and her Crew presenting their event, ‘The Original Crab Feed’ on behalf of the Catholic Church. Tickets ($40) can be obtained from Gloria at 895- 3071, or at Lemons’ in Philo or All that Good Stuff in Boonville. Both events will sell out so you are advised to not leave it to the last minute!… #919 - Gardeners, farmers, and produce growers of all kinds, are asked to remember Food Bank days as a time to donate your extra produce. This is always the third Tuesday of every month, which on this occasion is next Tuesday, January 20. It will be greatly appreciated if you could please drop off on the Monday before, behind the Boonville Methodist Church. If you need someone to glean your produce to take to the Food Bank, contact Valerie Kim at valerie.h.kim@gmail.com or Denisse Mattei, the Food Bank director, at 895-3763… #920 - The Boonville Winter Market is every Saturday, rain or shine, in front of the Boonville General Store, 10-12:30. Come on down to Boonville and either sell or buy locally grown or made food or crafts. For more info, call Cindy at 895-2949. As a special treat, Bunny Bill will have onion and leek starts at the Market for the next two weekends, but whatever you do please avoid asking him to share his carrots - it might get very ugly if you do!...

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville… The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 15, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12 noon, will be Spaghetti with Meat sauce and Carrot Cake for dessert… Then next Tuesday, January 20, the menu will feature Chicken Thighs with Kale and Texas Sheet Cake for dessert... All meals include vegetables, salad bar and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea or lemonade. Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V. and where we subscribe to the Winston Churchill philosophy that “A lie will get halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its pants”… So I’ll put my pants on and continue…

… Following last week’s clearly successful introduction of ‘Turkey Vulture’s Ideas for An Even Better Valley’ last week, The 3-Dot brain trust and myself met once again and have come up with two more brief and simple guidelines/suggestions for the Valley’s welfare in 2015. Here we go… 1. The small choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning… 2. When people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know”. That is o.k. - We can’t all know everything about everything, and this is a very acceptable response is such instances. Perhaps more importantly, it will also save everyone lots of time… (For last week’s suggestions see the end of column)…

… Several 3-Dot regulars remain disappointed, and a little hungry, because three Valley restaurants remain ‘closed for the holidays’ - Aquarelle, Stone and Embers, and Libby’s… However, The Buckhorn is open everyday except Tuesday, while Lauren’s is closed on Sunday and Monday only… The Hotel is open for dinner at the weekend and Coq au Vin Thursday thru’ Monday from 6pm each day

… The Yorkville Market has opened on Hwy 128 in the location where the Mini-Mart stood for many years - at mile-marker 41.29. The business is owned and operated by the Judson-Hale family and it’s a full service general store and deli with wine tasting also available. Family member Lisa Jackson Hole is the delightful young woman running the store on a daily basis and I urge locals to support this new Valley enterprise, particularly those in the High Roller region and any travelers on their way to Cloverdale and beyond…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “The increasingly influence of social media and other such internet tools that play a significantly large role in our everyday lives, and the resulting effects that this is having on those growing up in such a world, is quite possibly, I believe, going to lead to negative effects on society as a whole over the next few years or so. Sure, there are numerous benefits to be gleaned from the worldwide web; social media and the Internet in general certainly have much to offer, but, in my humble opinion, over time it is still not clear about whether or not they are going to be outweighed by the negative effects they have on the human condition. From the lack of filters that maintain privacy to a false sense of connections and lack of face-to-face interaction; from cyber-bullying among the young to the hacking of sensitive information that is held about each and every one of us; and from decreased productivity, whether at work, school, or leisure to the use of the internet in the world of crime and terrorism. The ‘jury is still out’ on the pros and cons and I would suggest that this statement alone, about such a major player in our lives, is yet another sign that the Apocalypse is approaching… Let’s hope I’m wrong…”

       Yes, let’s hope you are, Buzzard… I’m outta here; I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

Last week’s suggestions for ‘Turkey Vulture’s Ideas for An Even Better Valley’ in 2015… 1. All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ day-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice… 2. Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Turkey Vulture Retirement Home Plan - we should make quite a bundle…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Keep on wagging that tail, Fred… Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?... Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin…

# 440 - 7th January, 2015

 
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Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Welcome to 2015 and may it be happy and healthy for all of you... Made any New Year’s Resolutions? These are difficult to maintain of course and perhaps we should not put too much pressure on ourselves. As Benjamin Franklin wisely once advised, “Resolve to perform what you ought to do; then perform without fail what you have resolved.” Easy right? Anyway, that’s your Quote of the Week... Meanwhile, to help get you through any doldrums that you may be wallowing in following the ‘Party Season’, let me remind you that in the next few weeks we have two Crab Feeds (on Jan 17 and Feb 7, both at The Fairgrounds in Boonville) - certainly a couple of wonderful community events to look forward to…

         Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #918 - Yes, as mentioned above, the Valley’s two annual Crab Feeds that will take place over the next few weeks in the Apple Hall at the Fairgrounds in Boonville. First it’s the event that benefits the Senior Center, organized by the hard-working Board, and held on Saturday, January 17. Then, three weeks later, on Saturday, February 7, it will be Gloria Ross and her Crew presenting their event, ‘The Original Crab Feed’ on behalf of the Catholic Church. Tickets for the first event ($30) are on sale at the Senior Center (895-3609), A.V. Market, Rossi’s Hardware, or Lemons’ Market; and those for the Feb 7 feed ($40) can be obtained from Gloria at 895- 3071, or at Lemons’ in Philo or All that Good Stuff in Boonville. Both events will sell out so you are advised to not leave it to the last minute!… # 919 - The General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville has moved to its winter/spring schedule of every other Thursday. The first of these is tomorrow, Thursday, January 8 at 7pm… #920 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital have confirmed two dates in January when they will be in the Valley - Thursdays, January 15 and 29… #921 - The Anderson Valley Grange is having its regular second Sunday Pancake Breakfast on January 11, from 8:30-11am. Prices range from $5-10 for kids through hungry folks sizes, for a delicious locally-sourced breakfast. Choices include pancakes (gluten free available), eggs and bacon, with choice of juice, tea or coffee included… #922 - The Boonville Winter Market is every Saturday, rain or shine, in front of the Boonville General Store, 10-12:30. Come on down to Boonville and either sell or buy locally grown or made food or crafts. For more info, call Cindy at 895-2949… #923 - The Mendocino Bookmobile resumes visits the Valley on Tuesday, January 13. They are in the Valley on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Navarro Store 9am (for 30 minutes); the Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Phone 463-4694 for further details…

       As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches and dinners over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors for both lunches and dinners and charges $7 for Non-seniors for lunches and $8 for the dinners… Tomorrow, Thursday, January 8, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12 noon, will be Honey Mustard Chicken with Banana Pudding for dessert… Then, next Tuesday evening, January 13 at 6pm, the dinner will feature Tamale Loaf with Better Cake for dessert. As this is the 2nd Tuesday of the month, the dinner will be followed by Bingo at 7pm. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…  

       Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge – yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, a location that sees people get together and share their thoughts about life in A.V. and where we subscribe to the Winston Churchill philosophy that “A lie will get halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its pants”… So I’ll put my pants on and continue…

… It’s back to school and the big news greeting the students this week as they gathered to study and play (hopefully more of the former than the latter), is that a new School Superintendent has been appointed to take over those duties from J.R. Collins at the end of the current school year. This will be Michelle Hutchins who, just as Mr. Collins did for a few years, will combine this new position with her current role as High School Principal - there are lots of things to work on so she’s going to be a ‘busy gal!’ but we here at the 3-Dot wish her every success… Meanwhile, in equally ground-breaking news, the Elementary School Principal, Donna Pierson-Pugh has announced her retirement - a leader whose shoes will not be easy to fill but I have my claws crossed that the special person to fill them will be found… We at the 3-Dot have not heard of any similar upheavals on the School Board, but I sense that if any decent candidates apply there will be some such changes following elections in November…

… Over the last week or so, a couple of regulars at The 3-Dot could not speak highly enough of local car/truck mechanic Eric Sanchez. A.V. High school graduate, Eric, does a great job at reasonable prices and because he has his own ‘traveling shop’ he can come to you, thus saving you the time and organization to get over the hill to Ukiah for your auto needs. Call him at 621-4414…

… After hours of studying and socializing, myself and the 3-Dot brain trust has come up with some brief and simple suggestions for our highly anticipated research paper entitled ‘Ideas for An Even Better Valley’ in 2015. Here we go with our first two… 1. All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ day-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice… 2. Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Turkey Vulture Retirement Home Plan - we should make quite a bundle…

… From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching’… Buzzard reports, “Not for the first time around here, and not for the last I’m sure, the conversation at The 3-Dot turned to the ‘luminaries’ who live here in the Valley. After skipping quite quickly through names of current residents such as the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Alice Walker (‘The Color Purple’), accomplished actor Rene Auberjonois, and Nobel Laureate Cary Mullis, inevitably the less celebrated, but perhaps equally famous or rather infamous, names of those who at one point lived here were discussed in greater depth. Many readers not from this area may not be aware of this but I am reliably informed that the list includes convicted killer Charles Manson (of the Manson Family), a former resident of Gschwend Road in the Christine Woods region in the early sixties; Jim Jones of People’s Temple fame - yes, that Jim Jones, who was a member of the A.V.H.S. faculty in the late sixties; convicted sex offender and kidnapper Kenneth Parnell, resident of Mountain View Road in the early seventies; serial killer Charles Lake, commune-dweller in Philo in the early eighties (just before embarking on his diabolical murder spree with Charles Ng in Calaveras County); and ‘Tree Frog’ Johnson, formerly of Boonville in the seventies, another infamous child abductor/abuser... I do not wish to make light of this topic and mention it because it is a topic that is quite often discussed around here. Obviously these days the Valley is an exceptionally friendly, harmonious, and community-minded place to live. However, these former ‘Valley People’, the perpetrators of some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, all once lived here and that fact is a small but unique part of the Valley’s history, albeit in a way that some choose to ignore. I’m sure, for example, that this information does not appear in the Chamber of Commerce’s literature, but perhaps it should?... ‘Tours of Evil People’s Homes’ anyone?...

       Oh, dear, has the Buzzard upset somebody? Ok, I’ll ask him to leave… Besides he and I have to see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture - pleased in the knowledge that the old hare has returned safely to his burrow…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace… Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!... Bobwhite Quail - keep up the knitting!

# 439 - December 31st, 2014

Greetings one and all – if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… It’s the amateur party-go’ers Big Night Out of the Year – New Year’s Eve! That’s fine of course but I encourage others to try and enjoy the festivities too, and wherever and with whomever you may find yourselves, if someone is behaving badly, then just smile and walk away – you know it makes sense... Meanwhile, may I wish you much happiness and good health for 2015 and thank you for your continued support…

         In a week with little news to report on up here at The Nest, or from my travels out and about in the Valley that were somewhat restricted by the holidays, I thought that I’d do something a little different. So, for your Quote of the Week, what about some quips, comments, and downright abuse of newspapers? I’m sure none of these would be aimed at a newspaper as high-minded as The A.V.A. but knowing the machinations of some lesser principled organs of the press, the following words would appear to be very wise indeed... First let’s go with Charles Dickens’ vicious comment that newspapers are “so filthy and bestial that no honest man would admit one into his house for a water-closet doormat”... And almost as damning are the words of author Norman Mailer who said, “Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists”... Then there is George Orwell who adds to the abuse with the comment, “Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper”...

       On the other side of the discussion, whilst “newspapers should have no friends” (Joseph Pulitzer), in the defense of such rare newspapers such as the A.V.A. – ‘America’s Last Newspaper’, I offer you the comment by somebody you would perhaps not particularly wish to see on your side in any discussion about ethics and morals – former Chicago Mayor (1955-1976), Richard J. Daly, who commented, “A newspaper is the lowest thing there is!” I think newspapers would generally take that as a compliment considering the source... But perhaps the most positive comment about newspapers is that by Thomas Jefferson, probably an avid A.V.A. reader in his day, who said, “Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.” Thanks for your support Thomas; I think that might have guaranteed you a free subscription...

       Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #366 - Useful numbers at this time of year - for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know… #367 - At Lauren’s tonight, Wednesday, December 31 at 9pm, you will be able to dance in the New Year with Los Piratas featuring Michael and Leslie Hubbert, Chris Bing, Jim Dooley, and David Lipkind. There is a cover for this star-studded line-up of $12 and prior to the show the regular dinner menu will be served from 5-8.30pm… #368 - The Valley’s country-French-style Coq au Vin restaurant at the Floodgate is also open this evening as is The Buckhorn pub where, in the words of owner Tom Towey, “We’ll be here serving food and drinks and if a party breaks out all the better… #369 - Another reminder of the Valley’s two annual Crab Feeds that will take place early in the New Year. First it’s the event that benefits the Senior Center, organized by the hard-working Board, and held on Saturday, January 17. Then, three weeks later, on Saturday, February 7, it will be Gloria Ross and her Crew presenting their event, ‘The Original Crab Feed’ on behalf of the Catholic Church. Tickets for the first event ($30) are on sale at the Senior Center (895-3609), A.V. Market, Rossi’s Hardware, or Lemons’ Market; and those for the Feb 7 feed ($40) can be obtained from Gloria at 895- 3071. Both events will sell out so you are advised to not leave it to the last minute!… #370 - The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital have confirmed two dates in January when they will be in the Valley - Thursdays, January 15 and 29…

       The Senior Center remains closed this week but will re-open next Tuesday, January 6 for lunch. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors… The menu for the first lunch of 2015, served at 12.15pm prompt, is Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes with Gravy, Carrots, Rolls, Tabbouleh Salad, and Birthday Cup Cakes for dessert. Remember, all ages are welcome!... Hope to see you there…

       The Three-Dot Lounge is closed this week and that gives me the opportunity to praise the Valley! I am not usually one of those polly-annish folks who lavishes praise everywhere he or she goes, but in the past couple of weeks I have enjoyed the company of so many Valley folk at various holiday parties and gatherings that I feel I must give several very big  “claws up” to our community, and in particular to the stimulating level of its conversation and, even more importantly, the quality of its food and drink! Delicious cheeses, homemade biscotti and breads; succulent hams, turkeys, hot chicken wings, and rib roasts; unique and zesty guacamole and bean dips, potato salads, garlic mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, etc., etc., etc. Not to mention the wonderful local wines, homemade beers, and shots of the splendid Jameson’s Irish Whiskey. It has been a veritable Mother-of-all Feasts and Binges. We Turkey Vultures love to eat, drink, and make merry, and many thanks go out to all of you responsible for my general well-being and enjoyment of these important tasks at this time of year...

        Talking of Turkey Vultures and our habits, it’s about time once again to share with you a little “interesting and informative” (well I like to think it is) ‘Jive Turkey’…Here we go…Did you know that along with all the goodies mentioned above we also like our ‘veggies’. Yes, folks, a recent study of almost 400 of our pellets collected in the Castro Valley and Livermore areas in California showed that plant material was the single most common ingredient of the Turkey Vulture's diet. The material consisted primarily of grass and leaves. Animal food items in the pellets included: shrew, mole, squirrel, gopher, mouse, rat, rabbit, bird, reptile, insect, muskrat, opossum, raccoon, skunk, badger, sheep, and coyote. If not consumed and sterilized by the TV's, these carcasses would have rotted on the ground and could have spread disease. We truly are nature’s garbage collectors and proud of it - as I’ve said many times before, “We’re not in it for the glamour”…

       Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… Besides I’ve got see a man about a sheep… So, until we talk again – ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture… And thinking you should now that we Turkey Vultures are monogamous and mate for life. In fact sometimes, to prove our loyalty, we like to indulge in an ‘erotic’ display dance on our nesting grounds…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. On the sheep, Grace… Keep on wagging that tail, Fred… Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is… Keep on humming, Hummingbird…