#17 - March 30th, 2005

When I drove into the 'downtown' area of Philo one afternoon last week, the incessant rain ,which had been pouring for hours, suddenly stopped and seconds later the sunshine broke through the clouds, shining down in distinctive rays onto the rain-drenched road and buildings of the local town. It was a minor miracle…I can assure you that I'd not been drinking and, as some people might say around here, "I'd rather kiss a bear's ass than lie to you".…..
It seemed like it had been raining for days (it had !) and I was getting very restless up at the nest - no fun for anyone in my proximity I was reliably informed. I decided I had to take flight to somewhere and what could be better on a miserable day when you need cheering up than a visit to the local shop and local post office, with local people around - "Strangers are very welcome here but we don't like trouble", said a paranoid local man I once knew….Anyway, Lemon's market was virtually empty but I enjoyed some lively conversation with the always entertaining Lucy who was intentionally, and very amusingly, behaving as both the best and worst sales person at the same time, enthusiastically encouraged I must say by Dawn from her position at the cashier's desk…You don't just get groceries here - you get 'abused' too ! Ya gotta like that…..
Swooping down the highway just a few yards away I entered the Post Office arriving in the middle of what turned out to be a very entertaining discussion about 'this, that, and the other'. Those involved were an elderly silver-haired gentleman and the three employees, Joe and Sheila behind the counter, and Amy making sure everything, apart from the language, was clean and tidy. As for the topic of conversation - I couldn't possibly comment… and even if I could it cannot be repeated in a family newspaper. However, I can say that it ended with some funny exchanges resulting in everyone laughing out loud as the gathering broke up. This is why coming to the Post Office in Philo is always such a pleasure - many thanks from me to the guys and gals who work there for making it so….
Leaving town the sun was still streaming through and I could feel the warmth….However, within minutes, as I passed the Roederer vineyards, the clouds came over once again, the sun disappeared, and the downpour resumed - although I'm fairly certain that it was not Roederer's fault …..
Later in the week as the rains slowly ebbed away I felt an overwhelming desire for some pork. I'm sure you understand. The decision to go to Libby's Mexican restaurant in Philo was an easy one and the carnitas plate was up to the usual high standard thanks to Libby and the top notch kitchen crew. There was a mixed crowd in there from winery people mingling with some of the 'Airport Crowd' to local families and business owners and other familiar faces - all enjoying their meals by all accounts. As usual the service provided by the excellent Keri was first rate and I left with a full stomach and a feeling of money well spent - nothing wrong with that is there ?…..
Conversely there is something very wrong with the high number of drivers on our winding highways who continue to ignore a very basic rule of the road. It's not only courteous but a legal requirement that "Slower vehicles must pull over to permit passing" (California Vehicle Code # 21656). This annoying refusal to pull-over is a pet peeve of many people who live up here, particularly as our roads have plenty of turnouts to allow this to happen. Nevertheless, many drivers moving at a snail's pace simply refuse to let others pass despite been confronted by the above words on numerous large white signposts …Why ?? What's their problem ?…I think we should be told…..
Sign that The Apocalypse is upon us #14 - I rarely get too involved with the national political scene in this column but let's face it, at this point the White House Gang are behaving in an almost cult-like fashion. Not satisfied that he has surrounded himself with an inner circle of uncompromising and single-minded individuals who care little for the viewpoints of nearly half the electorate, Gee Dubya Bush has made a new controversial addition to his 'team'. We now have, as acting director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, Matthew J. Hogan formerly the chief lobbyist for Safari Club International (SCI), an extreme trophy hunting organization that advocates the killing of rare species around the world. Even though this will be temporary it is still shocking, or rather it would be if carried out by people other than these megalomaniacs. If it were not so serious, it would appear that Bush and his cronies are just "having a laugh" at our expense…..
As described by the Humane Society of the U.S., the Arizona-based SCI has made a name for itself as one of the most extreme and elite trophy hunting organizations, representing some 40,000 wealthy trophy collectors, fostering and promoting competitive trophy hunting of exotic animals on five continents. SCI members shoot prescribed lists of animals to win so-called Grand Slam and Inner Circle titles. There's the Africa Big Five (leopard, elephant, lion, rhino, and buffalo), the North American Twenty Nine (all species of bear, bison, sheep, moose, caribou, and deer), Big Cats of the World, Antlered Game of the Americas, and many other contests.. To complete all 29 award categories, a hunter must kill a minimum of 322 separate species and sub-species - enough to populate a large zoo. There is no guarantee that the full-time position will not be filled by an equally inappropriate appointee because, as with the recent selections to other key positions, it's as if the Bush Administration is making some of these extreme moves simply because they can…It's all very sad…..
On a lighter note…Having been out of commission for a couple of weekends it was time to visit one of my favorite haunts - The Buckhorn Saloon in downtown Boonville. It was great to be back in the saddle (or rather the tractor seat barstool) with a pint of the Anderson Valley Brewery's Poleeko Gold in my hand as I devoured a superb burger from Pilar's kitchen where she is very ably assisted by Laura. It's a fine, friendly bar and I hope more people continue to discover this fact as the summer months approach…..
Talking of friends, some of you may have spotted that lonesome Turkey Vulture hanging out at the side of Highway 128 between Handley Cellars Vineyard and Gschwend Road. He is just fine. He's an old acquaintance of mine and has always been a loner as he goes about his business in search of fresh carrion of which there seems to be plenty at this time of year…On a related note I cannot recall seeing so many rabbits on the backroads at this time of year as I've seen of late - surely they cannot all be Easter bunnies ? Every evening for the past week I've had at least a couple of them in my headlights as they run ahead on the backroads, seemingly afraid to leave the safety (?) of the road for the dangers of the unlit fields and pastures until they finally take the plunge as the threat of being crushed is upon them…I like seeing these wild rabbits - dead or alive !…..
Finally this week a word to conjure with as you try to impress friends with your vocabulary - a Mattoid is someone who is insane from birth. Now that should be easy to get into a sentence I'm sure……
Meanwhile, may your god go with you, if you have one …and let's not forget to prey…regards, Turkey Vulture…..

#16 - March 23rd, 2005

So are you enjoying the rain ? What about the thunder and lightning ? It's been quite a display so far and we're not done yet, so I'm reliably informed. Nevertheless we need it. No doubt from late April until October it will be as dry as a bone and often very hot in these parts and the muddy backroads and soggy clothing will be merely a pleasant memory…..
On a visit to San Francisco a couple of weeks ago I apparently caught some form of 'bird flu' from mingling with those City pigeons and other unsavory characters and as a result was nest-ridden for five days - thus my absence from these pages last week. Just thought you should be aware that I was not otherwise detained or guilty of a dereliction of duty…..
As regular readers will no doubt be aware, Turkey Vultures do like to eat out. Up here in Anderson Valley, and the surrounding region of Mendocino County, this is often a very rewarding pastime although I feel I should mention one prevailing unsettling circumstance I continue to endure. At a number of establishments where I have enjoyed some of my favorite dining experiences the absence of any background music results in my very keen ears being bombarded by the conversations and clattering cutlery of other diners. I have rarely experienced this elsewhere but it seems to be a trend or rather a fixture up here at many restaurants. Obviously music which takes over the room would be most inappropriate but a little gentle classical, or something equally unobtrusive in the background, would be most welcome. Not just to take the edge off either the deafening silence in between people's conversations when they bang away with their utensils or the actual comments of the more loud guests' themselves but also to add to the ambience…Just a thought…..
As much as a Vulture enjoys his or her eating times, there is almost as much satisfaction to be gleaned from a visit to The County Dump. My visit this past week was enlightened by a fascinating conversation with Ron the Dump Guy. He was in a cheery yet reflective mood as we discussed the ambiguities of his job and in particular some of the restrictions listed on the sign at the entrance to The Dump. Ron's current dilemma is the general public's confusion resulting from the sign's lack of clarity concerning glass and plastic.
Glass bottles are accepted but not glass ware or glass windows; plastic bottles are welcome but not plastic bags. The 'powers that be' seem to think that the sign is clear enough but I would respectfully suggest that it is not and that perhaps a new design might be in order. Apart from the glass/plastic issue, another possible amendment might be the list of items NOT accepted being much larger than the list of things which are admissible. However, there is no doubt about the County's feeling concerning one item on the sign - "No Dead Animals" - a decision which is very disappointing for those of us with a preying disposition. Too bad. I pointed this out to Ron and he replied, "If you're up here long enough you'll see everything…" …What could he possibly mean ?
If the driver of the white truck, license plate # 5W612??, were to start travelling by the M.T.A. bus service instead of threatening the safety of others with his skills, or lack thereof, behind the wheel, then the roads and highways of the Valley would be more secure places for us all…Only my opinion of course…..
Wine of the Week…The Pinot Noir from the Valley's Lazy Creek Vineyards. Served with loin lamb chops in rosemary, garlic, and white pepper, it proved to be a most wonderful experience which I would have liked to have shared with others but greed prevented me from doing so…..
Whine of the Week…As someone who jumps at every chance to praise local businesses and their achievements, I should also bring to your attention any occasions when standards slip… Recently, early one Friday evening, along with a number of fellow vultures, all Valley residents, I was on the prowl for fresh carrion in the Valley. We entered a local food establishment and were immediately informed by a clearly irritated local restaurateur that many items on the menu were not available. Furthermore, he brusquely informed us, there would be a very long wait for any food we ordered and that we would have to take it with us as he was closing the serving area in twenty minutes…..
One would have thought that when a small business owner has the chance of some extra business he would seize the opportunity gratefully, particularly in the Valley at this time of year. If he was thinking we were tourists and probably would never see us again then surely that is still no excuse for his attitude. Why not stay open an extra few minutes and create a little goodwill for heaven's sake ? Oh well, I do not wish to be too harsh and, having worked in the restaurant/bar business for many, many years, I can accept that he had his opening hours and perhaps he was having a bad day or had something important to do - it was not a big deal I suppose…..
However, it was what he said next which everyone in our flock found annoying. Clearly disappointed, we turned to leave and he simply explained away the situation with the comment, "Welcome to Boonville"…We were shocked. When used in this sarcastic way, as if to point out the town's inefficiency, the person is making a very inaccurate generalization about the Valley. His unfriendly attitude together with this inappropriate comment does not reflect the Valley in a fair light and hopefully the guy will think twice before making such a remark about Boonville in this context at any time in the future….Maybe I should have a word in his ear…or even soil his window…whadya think ?…..
In an unrelated thought, why is it that parents of small children never fail to point out, to anyone who will listen, just how smart their kids are and yet the world is full of dumb adults ? What happens ? I think we should be told…..
Signs of Spring # 7 - The reappearance of the horseshoe players alongside the Navarro Store. It was 11.30am on a Thursday morning and clearly all was well with the world at the Deep End of the Valley…..and #8 - Spring sports are upon us. Driving past the High School one afternoon last week it was great to see so many kids hard at practice. Four groups were assembled on the fields as the sun beamed down and the buzz of sports was in the air. Good luck to the boys baseball, girls softball, co-ed junior high soccer, and the track team as each of their seasons progress…..
I was still not feeling too well as the week drew to a close and therefore I only managed three beers, a bottle of wine, and a couple of single malts on St. Patrick's Day. It was almost civilized - a far cry from the many 'ugly' scenes from my past. Although I was feeling a little better by the weekend, neither the thought of an evening of socializing in town nor the potential of a Variety Show full of joviality could raise me from The Nest. "What a miserable old bastard", you may be thinking - and you'd be right ! Oh, well, hopefully I'll be back on form next week and able to bring you another enthralling installment of all that I observe from my bird's eye view…..
Until then, be careful out there and stay out of the ditches…..and whatever happens keep preying…….regards, Turkey Vulture…..

#15 - March 9th, 2005

Eating out is fun !…..With that in mind, not to mention a slow week in the news department here at Bird's Eye View, I'd like to talk about the very important topic of 'good food and where to get it'…After a heavy night on the beer, wine, and port last Saturday I decided that I was in need of a solid breakfast so, along with a few of my flock, we headed for Sunday brunch on the coast. I have heard wonderful things about the Little River Inn's brunch and bar scene but by the time we arrived at 1pm they had stopped serving so we continued on to the Mendocino Hotel. Now, although this place can be expensive to stay for the night or to have dinner, their weekend brunch is very reasonable and with mimosa's at $1.50 each it was the perfect scenario. Without any hesitation I went for the crab benedict and have to say it was an inspired choice. Served in a delicious hollandaise sauce and with a decent amount of savory home fries, all accompanied by three mimosa's, it is one of the better culinary experiences on a wet and windswept Sunday morning at the edge of America…..
…..Equally as enjoyable is the Carnitas plate with corn tortillas and two Pacifico beers at Libby's Mexican Restaurant in Philo on a Thursday night - as a friend of mine from Texas might say, "now that's hog heaven" …Trust me on this - you'll thank me later….
Still on the topic of food I had decided to give my 'best french fries' award some time ago and in the past couple of weeks ,after a number of second visits to certain establishments, I have completed my research. I would not be so presumptuous to assume that I am all-knowing about french fries but anyone who knows me, and my eating habits, would probably attach some credibility to what I have to say on the subject…..
Anyway, the results are in and here we go…..In fourth place, with a rating of 3.5, are the consistently excellent fries at The Redwood Drive-In in downtown Boonville…In third place, with a rating of 4, I have placed the 'real potato' loveliness of the fries at Lauren's in Boonville…In second place, on 4.5, I have selected the very fine fries I recently devoured at The Hamburger Ranch and Pasta Farm in Cloverdale - very tasty indeed !…. And in first place, with a perfect score of 5 (the highest possible rating), we have the absolutely superb fries served at Mendo Burgers in Mendocino (where the burger is something special also). These are the best fries I have tasted for many years, in fact ever since I visited Yorkshire, England - the home of the world's finest chips (fries)…..This has been a tough assignment but I felt someone needed to carry it out and I have long lived by the credo that you should not ask others to do something you wouldn't do… so with that in mind I went ahead and 'ate for the team'…..
"We get all kinds in these parts" - #47 : It was whilst on my "french fries' assignment that I pulled into a gas station in Fort Bragg and on entering the mini-mart was confronted by a lean and muscular, middle-aged Caucasian man in a red bandanna with thick dreadlocks down to his knees - really. He was clearly upset with something and as I joined the back of the line to pay he snarled at the cashier, "I'd rather face a four-legged beaver than a three-legged one any day. A three-legged beaver is a mean son of a bitch and if you ever come across one take it from me that you don't want to mess with those mother-f***ers !. "….Hmm, I thought, this guy clearly has some things he wants to share with us all. The man then began to rant to the cashier about how his huge van, parked outside at the pump, used up so much gas. He was explaining to anyone who was listening, and by this tine there were four of us in line waiting to pay, that it was his home and all his belongings were inside. One of the guys in line said it seemed like a good-sized van to live in - perhaps not the wisest comment to make given that the dread-locked man was clearly not happy with his lot in life. "That's easy for you to say, dude," he exclaimed, turning to face the guy just inches from his face. "I'd like a real home just like everyone else but all it takes is one psychotic bitch to ruin your reputation and you have to take what's left ! "….He looked around at the rest of us in line as we nodded in sheepish unison, none of us wishing to dispute his definitive claim. He nodded back at us and walked out the door saying, "You guys enjoy the rest of the day"….. Interesting man - I liked him…..
Another perk of my recent 'best french fries' hunt was a pit stop at Dick's Place in Mendocino to quench my thirst before resuming the research. Not only is this a wonderful old bar frequented by locals but it has walls covered with historical photographs of the area not to mention the lovely Yula behind the bar making the best Bloody Mary's north of the Golden Gate Bridge. What's not to like ? …..
Armageddon is upon us - #17 : No matter how much he messes up, stretches the truth, or acts like a complete buffoon, the way things seem to continue in George Bush's favor I have a worrying feeling that when history is recorded he may come out of all of this smelling of roses . Unbelievable I know, but it might just happen. Democracy, although some way off, seems to be in the air in the Middle East with changes not just in Iraq but perhaps also on the horizon in Lebanon, Egypt, Palestine, and even Saudi Arabia - why even women may be allowed to vote there soon ! If Gee Dubya Bush receives credit for any of this, if certain people get their way, and if the current trends in the political arena continue, it will not surprise me if some of the stories I have recently read come true regarding plans for new schools to be built around the country which are to be named "George Bush High School" !… Sorry to be the bearer of such a grim possibility but I thought you should know…..
Finally this week, a personal note…If you spot me, or one of my turkey vulture brethren, at the side of the road on a fence post with wings spread wide, posturing in a majestic stance, please do not fear that we may be planning an attack on your good selves. Not at all. This is our way of informing any passing brothers and sisters that we are hovering over the prey which is to be our next feast and we are simply inviting them to join us. It's our "dinner is served" call, if you will…Besides, we never actually kill anything. Hell no, we leave that to other creatures and we California Condors, Buzzards, Turkey Vultures, or whatever you wish to call us, merely come in to eat after all the chaos of the killing is over. As the wonderful Virginia Woolfe said, " One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well"…
I can't argue with that and at this point it only remains for me to say, "Let us prey "…Yours hungrily, Turkey Vulture…..

#14 - March 2nd, 2005

For a nosey Vulture like myself it is always an exciting time of year to be flying around this Valley and beyond. For a brief window in time, from mid-February to mid-March, you can now see, up in the hills or way off the main roads, all the homesteads which for most of the year are hidden by the leaves and foliage on the trees and bushes…There are so many….So that's where you all are, I had no idea. Now that I know, I shall be keeping a bird's eye on you…..
Complaint of the Week….. I flew over Ukiah way a few days ago and visited the Mendocino Farm Supply where I had to pick up alfalfa pellets for some ravenous friends of mine. Now I know we live in a relatively mellow place but sometimes customer service standards are not what they might be. This is acceptable in many instances but surely your understanding of the words being spoken by the person attending to you should not be hindered as a result of him stuffing his face with a sandwich. Well, on this day I could not decipher what was being said and had to ask the gentleman to repeat himself on a couple of times. When this occurred, instead of an "excuse me", he seemed to think I was at fault for our inability to communicate and so his mumbling was accompanied with an unfriendly and aloof attitude… and he continued to feed. In the scheme of things this episode is not a 'biggie' but it certainly reminded me of why I always try to get such supplies from our friendly and knowledgeable farm suppliers in Anderson Valley. Come on !… As a Vulture who is permanently peckish I know how he was feeling but this was ridiculous no matter how hungry he was !…..
The following night saw the convening of the February meeting of The Independent Career Women in Anderson Valley - a group who not only have a wonderful time when they have their gatherings but also help to raise money for college scholarships for local high school graduates. I was surprisingly not invited but one of my intrepid reporters, Hummingbird, was in attendance and had a great evening. The venue at Wellspring Retreat in Philo was perfect and embellished with a lovely display of narcissus and daffodils. Members take it in turn to make the arrangements for each get-together and on this occasion the evening was organized by Patty Liddy and Terry Ryder who booked the speakers - Tom and Linda of Maple Creek Winery in Yorkville; arranged the caterer - Linda Castagnola with the team at Wellspring; and made sure there was a gathering of nearly forty members in attendance. The meal (Cornish game hens, roasted vegetables, wild rice pilaf, with a chocolate silk torte for dessert) was excellent, not that I was given the chance to confirm this, and everyone thoroughly enjoyed the talk given by Tom and Linda, who also provided some excellent wines. This group has been going for many years and in recent times has taken in a number of new members to join those ladies who have been 'independent career women' for many, many years. So this is a good cause combined with an opportunity for a very pleasant time and anyone interested in joining the group should contact Peggy Ridley at 895-3235…
Chaos in downtown Philo last Friday….cars backed up in both
directions, drivers out of their vehicles scrambling around Highway 128, people rushing down to the scene from the gas station and the nearby houses - all apparently in search of the reason for this mayhem on a Friday lunchtime. From my vantage point in front of the Philo Post Office nothing could be seen…and then suddenly two little (obviously) Chihuahua puppies emerged from underneath a van at the front of the westbound traffic. Their owner grabbed them both and thankfully waved the traffic through with an embarrassed grin on his face before returning the pups to the back of his open car parked in the post office parking lot. You just don't see this stuff on the Bay Bridge….
Moving on to hazards of a different nature everyone should be aware of the visits to our fair Valley of the HazMobile. Unless you are able to take your hazardous waste to Plant Road behind the Animal Shelter in Ukiah (Tuesdays from 8am to 2pm) this is your chance to get rid of the motor oil, anti-freeze, batteries, brake fluid, paints, solvents, loose asbestos, etc locally. Apart from the Tuesdays mentioned above there are other collections in Ukiah and Fort Bragg - call 1-800-246-3939 for dates and times…This community service only happens twice a year in the Valley and last week was one of those occasions. Their next visit here will not be until October…..
Although the days are slowly getting longer it still leaves too many hours in the evening to find amusement for myself. This has led to the situation twice in the past week when I have found time to watch both Jay Leno and David Letterman on the television. Dear, oh dear they are bad. Each of them has his list of key current topics which are targets to lampoon and get an easy laugh from the audiences in the studio and many viewing at home, all of whom no doubt hang on their every predictable punch-line….Letterman occasionally reverts to some of the cutting humor which he once possessed but even he has toned his act down so much over the years that my grandmother now likes him - not that there is anything wrong with that of course. Leno, I find virtually un-watchable….and what on earth is that jet of black hair protruding from the front of the otherwise immovable gray mass on top of his head ? I do believe it's the most amusing thing about him….
However, last week he did have the sad story, verified by my trustworthy sources of course, of the Welsh rugby fan who swore he'd cut off his own testicles if Wales were to beat England in an upcoming game, something they had not accomplished for many years. (Leno actually said Wales were to play 'Britain' - an error of epic proportions if made anywhere in the British Isles rather than on mainstream American television, many of whose viewers may not have caught the awful faux pas). Well, and you know what is coming next, a few days later Wales won the game 11-9 and sure enough the deliriously happy and, I should add, extremely inebriated Welshman walked outside the drinking establishment where he had watched his country's narrow victory and proceeded to cut off his testicles. He then returned to the bar and showed his celebrating friends the unhappy and bloody results of his act before he was rushed to hospital. He is presently recovering at The Gwent Infirmary in south Wales and is being comforted by a confused girlfriend …..
Now in my experience the Welsh are very passionate about a number of things - singing in all-male voice choirs, enjoying vast quantities of leek soup, admiring the rows on rows of daffodils in their gardens, and, of course, their legendary admiration for, and relationship with, the attractive sheep grazing on the glorious Welsh mountainsides. Their love of rugby is also something very special - just how special is now more clearly understood…..
On a very similar topic I have to say what a wonderful time I had last Tuesday amongst a flock of sheep, two border collies and a Welsh shepherd. It was a stunningly beautiful afternoon and the time to get all the lambs in for the annual docking of all their tails, the checking of their eyes and general well-being, and the castration of the young males. Everything went very calmly. The dogs kept the sheep in order, the mothering ewes seemed to understand it was necessary for the working shepherd to check on their offspring in this way, and the Welsh shepherd performed his job in a gentle, caring, and bloodless manner…unlike some Welshmen we could mention…..
Now I would say, it's time to prey…..Turkey Vulture.