#42 - October 26th, 2005

A little bird I know enjoyed a birthday last week and I was at the celebration held at Libby's Mexican Restaurant in Philo. I was determined to try something different off the menu for a change but failed miserably as I once again went with the carnitas plate and a few Mexican beers. I did however choose flour instead of corn tortillas and on reflection the corn are better. Overall a delightful time was had by all and the staff at Libby's were as friendly and efficient as always. As I've said many times before, "eating out is fun" and a meal at Libby's proves this point every time…..
More 'Enlightening News' from my roving reporter, The Balding Eagle, still embedded in Washington D.C…. 'Halliburton was awarded an $85.5 million contract to rebuild damaged U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney Monday. "We are proud to serve the executive branch in their hour of need," CEO David J. Lesar wrote in a statement released later that day. "Due to our vast experience with oil-well fires and refinery mishaps, we are well-versed in the sort of reinforcement, rewiring, and exoskeleton refitting Mr. Cheney so desperately needs." The Department of Ways and Means defended awarding the contract to Halliburton on the grounds that they had done the original work on Cheney in the 1970s.'…
Last Thursday it seemed like a fine morning to fly out to the coast and so it proved. Blue skies were the order of the day as I buzzed up and down between Manchester and Fort Bragg and for once everyone I encountered was in a good mood. Drivers were courteous - following the rules of the road with slower vehicles pulling over to let others pass; a checkout woman at Harvest Market in Fort Bragg opened up a aisle especially for me, so she said; Rick MacDonald, proprietor of Ricks Restaurant at the Hill House in Mendocino, warmly shook my hand when I dropped by; the young female bank teller with the gleaming white smile and low-cut blouse partially revealing very full breasts gently persuaded me to open an additional account (I found myself unable to say no !); and then when I returned to the Valley I stopped at Lemon's Market in Philo to get some Bruce's Bread and was treated to wide smiles and friendly banter - I was even offered me a brown bag for my purchases ! (joke)….
"What was the reason for all the goodness bestowed upon me ?", I wondered. I checked the calendar. Apparently the Jewish Harvest festival of Sukkot had begun but I am hardly an Israelite wandering in the wildness which is what the festival commemorates. No, I still haven't worked it out, so if you have an explanation send an e-mail to turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net - it would put my mind at rest but meanwhile thanks to everyone for ensuring I had a lovely day…..
I'm sure certain observers amongst you believe that I spend most of my weekends hanging out with other 'turkeys' in the Valley, eating and drinking to mild excess. Well they may have a point !. This past weekend was no exception but it was spent in the company of two of Nor Cal's more successful self-made men. Firstly, on Friday, with the A.V. Brewery Tasting Room reserved for a private event (a wedding rehearsal dinner for some Brightlighters from S.F. ) and thus the 'regulars' banished from their normal watering hole, owner Ken Allen hosted an impromptu private event of his own underneath the huge tree alongside the Brewery. Although small in number it was a fun time with free-flowing beers and much joviality…plus it was good to see Ken back to form after his recent car accident…
On the following night I flew down to S.F. and, after a very good meal at El Farolito taqueria in the Mission (almost as good as Moya's in downtown Boonville), I found myself at a three story mansion on the hills above the Noe Valley district. I had been invited by one of the three roommates at this beautiful home which is owned by one of California's youngest millionaires, who is another roommate. This young gentleman was a very unassuming and a refreshingly humble fellow despite the millions he'd made as a result of the software program he developed and sold to Google for application to their local search engine. The top deck of the house had a superb view of downtown S.F. and the Bay Bridge. On the second floor deck there was a pool, a hot tub, and a pool house for overnight guests. Most of those in attendance were in their twenties and thirties and certainly came from the City's 'beautiful set' with some stunningly attractive women parading around. Hummingbird was with me so I couldn't possibly comment any further on this matter…..
It was whilst at this gathering that I found myself in the company of a certain liquor-drinking Professor, Brian Brown from Penn University. An 'expert' on many topics he is perhaps best known for his work on the behavior of cats. As he continued to drink copious amounts of rum we had a very interesting talk about this topic and he seemed mildly interested in my own insights on the animal kingdom. However, he really threw me with his statement that, "although cats are highly intelligent and extremely adaptable they are not, in my belief, as smart as spiders". His comment was based mainly on the latter's ability to build 'traps' to catch their prey…As many of you know, I know a thing or two about prey and tried to tell him so. I was unable to get a word in as he dominated the airwaves with his theories, some ridiculous and far-fetched but mostly amusing. At one point I asked him what his other interests were and he said he loved to swim with the dolphins. I flippantly commented that it was too bad there were no such creatures here in the pool. He immediately informed me that he was wearing very small Speedo's under his trousers and with that he told me it had been a pleasure meeting me and headed towards the pool area to jump in…I didn't need to see this so I sat where I was and opened another bottle of delicious burgundy…San Francisco ? Boonville ?..We get all sorts out here on the western edge of America.....
That's enough of this gibberish…But whilst we are on the subject of preying let me finish by inviting you to join me - "Let us prey"…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…..

#41 - October 19th, 2005

Greetings one and all….You'll no doubt be fascinated to know that I enjoyed my week off and now return with an answer to the frequently asked question, "Can a Turkey Vulture make a difference ?…The answer is a resounding "Yes!"… I present as evidence the smiling face and cheerful words from Ron at The County Dump on Mountain View Road just outside Boonville. Apparently, after my suggestion that people try to pay their dump fees with smaller bills to help Ron out, there has been a very good response and his job has been made a little easier over the past few weeks…Having said that, personally I would have thought a job at The Dump was a dream situation whatever difficulties may arise ??
Enlightening News… from one of my intrepid reporters embedded in the Nation's capital…'Shortly after President Bush's job-approval rating dipped to 40 percent, the lowest of his presidency, a poll indicated that Bush's approval rating for American citizens is also at an all-time low. "At 30 percent, President Bush's satisfaction with 'likely voters' is the lowest it's ever been," said Rachel Markham of TNS Intersearch. While Bush finds that 40 percent of Americans are "on the right track," he said he believes only 30 percent will do a good job supporting him in the event of another disaster or terrorist attack" '…I have nothing further to add…..
Public Service Announcements # 24 - #26…I flew out to the Coast last Thursday and found the weather to be unusually pleasant all day long as I visited the towns of Albion, Mendocino, and Fort Bragg. As a result of these adventures and as part of my on-going assignment to inform you of where some of the little 'pleasures of life' may be found I have three more such delights to report. First up is the Albion Grocery which has an excellent wine selection and if you can get past some of the weird characters hanging around outside you will not be disappointed with a visit to this strangely endearing place…Next, as I have mentioned before, the burgers and fries at Mendo Burgers in Mendo Burgers in the town of Mendocino are simply delicious. The fries won my "Best Fries" award earlier this year and they will be hard to beat next year too. The burger is juicy, thick, and tasty. The only problem - the prices appear to have gone up….Finally, for the non-t-shirt and jeans brigade amongst you, there is a very good and very inexpensive dry cleaners in Fort Bragg on Main Street opposite Racine's. Obviously you'll not make a special visit just for some dirty laundry but, if you're out that way, at $4 a shirt you can't go wrong….Anyway, I just thought you should know this stuff…..
Last Friday evening I had the distinct pleasure of attending the A.V. High School Homecoming activities at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. With the band in the stands blasting out some stirring songs and the Panther cheerleaders getting everyone in the spirit of the occasion it was left to the Panther Junior Varsity football team to ensure the evening got off to a successful start. They didn't let us down as they pummeled the visiting Laytonville team 46-0 ! Once again Dan "The Voice of the Valley" Houk did a fine job from the announcer's booth and I also have to mention the work on the grill by Bryan Wyant who produced some excellent cheese burgers at the concession stand - watch out Mendo Burgers !….
Talking of Bryan, our local electrical guru, I should just mention that his best employee, Laddie Kalinowski, the Electrician Magician, was not in attendance as he was honeymooning on the east coast with lovely bride Bridget Reilly of A.V Brewery marketing department and A.V. Animal Rescue fame - best wishes to the happy couple, too bad they missed the burgers though…Anyway, after the parade of nominees, driven around the field in vintage and not-so-vintage cars, the Homecoming King and Queen were announced (Rudolfo Ibarra and MariLu) and the evening was made complete when the A.V boys soccer defeated a competitive Cloverdale team for the mythical "Highway 128 Trophy" by a score of 6-3…Well done to all involved and I hope nobody did something I wouldn't do at the Homecoming Dance later on that night…
After all these healthy and heart-warming festivities I was in desperate need of a beer so I flew down to The T.R. (The Brewery Tasting Room) and quickly devoured a pint of Poleeko Gold Pale Ale. I had just ordered a pizza and settled down with some peanuts and my second beer when suddenly a vaguely familiar sound began to permeate the room - it was rain on the roof !…Like kids in a candy store, the few revelers ventured outside and enjoyed the sight, sound, and feel of the first real rains of the fall. This was very exciting !…
The next night I decided to fly down to the Apple Hall in Boonville to attend the Bayou Benefit. This event was organized to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina and it was a most enjoyable evening with a good turnout of people of all ages representing every aspect of Valley life. Serving fine Mexican food and a selection of local beer and wine the organizers and volunteers should be congratulated for their efforts. Special mention should go to Adam "Smooth-talker" Springwater, the Master of Ceremonies and Voice of the Auction - an excellent performance and if he ever thinks about giving up his day job I believe he has a back-up career in the making…On a personal note, midway through the evening I felt the need to visit the Boonville Lodge for a pick-me-up. For medicinal reasons I decided to have a vodka and grapefruit but my companions decided on the cocktail known as the Train Wreck, so named by Lodge regular, Vinny, as a result of him feeling like he'd been in such a wreck the morning after an evening spent 'sipping the nectar'…"What's in it ?", I hear you ask. Well, to be blunt, it's whisky and tequila and, according to those who now know, Vinny has named it most appropriately !…..
Well, that's probably enough for now. Besides, the coals on the grill are ready and it's time I added the baby back ribs…Before I do, do join me and "Let us prey"….Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

#40 - October 5th, 2005

Obviously it's not in the realm of suffering which those on the receiving end of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita have endured and it seems trivial to even mention it but… the Mendocino Coast dwellers have been shrouded in fog for most of the summer. According to the lovely Margaret at Stevenswood Lodge and Restaurant in Little River there have only been eight sunny days in the last two months. I know in the past these Fog Heads have been quite smug, even taunting, when informing us about their coastal "natural air-conditioning" as we Valley Folk head their way to avoid our few insufferably hot days but this year they have hardly seen the sun at all and they've had enough. So, as we enjoy some truly beautiful early fall weather and they continue to wallow in the thick mists I would like to think that nobody would write about this in a local newspaper as if to get some warped, infantile 'revenge' for their earlier taunts. Meanwhile at Rick's at the Hill House in the town of Mendocino, popular venue for many weddings all summer long, LaDonna McDonald says it's been the worst summer weather she can remember and it has been "driving our brides crazy" - not a pretty sight, I would imagine…..
Despite our many sunny days at the moment the 'words on the street' in The Valley are, "the rain will be here soon" Depending on your 'perspective' Valley folk are either excited or worried at the prospect. This past weekend also saw a further difference of opinion - that in the forecasts of the local weather gurus and The Weather Channel's radar. I chose to follow the latter and last Sunday I stripped and re-finished the deck up here at The Nest. It came out looking great. At 11pm that night I went outside to admire my handiwork once again and was horrified to see gentle but significant rainfall coming down. This was causing the deck to slowly turn bluey-green as the raindrops sunk into the still damp protective finish . Aarrgghh! - it looks like I'll be doing it again…But first may I suggest that The Weather Channel shove their radar systems where the sun doesn't shine and meanwhile I will be consulting the local weather experts exclusively from now on. I suggest you do the same…..
Now I'm angry.. who's next ?… Oh, yes, I witnessed this myself…Our President, not known for his speaking skills or for thinking on his feet, was addressing a group of New Orleans citizens about plans to rebuild their city. Now I know he is guilty of far more grievous crimes than using bad grammar but it somehow summed up his level of competence and effectiveness when, with that insincere look on his smug face, he spluttered, " We want to hear about your visions so that we can err... err…we can more better do our job "…In each and every way, including a little faux pas such as this, is he the worst president ever or what ?…..
Overheard in The Valley # 17….This time I was waiting in line at the Anderson Valley Market in Boonville when I couldn't help but overhear a balding forty plus man, from out of town, trying hard to impress an attractive, twenty-something woman, also obviously not from around here. The conversation stalled as the woman was clearly not interested and her one word replies should have been a sign for the guy to shut up. He persevered and commented on the fact that the items in her basket were all very healthy. She replied, "Yes, it's all part of my high-fiber diet"…Without hesitation he bulldozed in with, "You won't be getting bowl cancer then"…The look she gave him was priceless and their conversation ceased immediately…..
It had been a long week and I had only one plan of attack by 4pm on Friday - a few 'Earlies' in The T.R at The A.V. Brewery and a return to The Nest before dark…On entering, the always friendly Diane behind the bar kindly presented me with a cold Poleeko Gold Pale Ale and as I gulped the first few beak-fulls down I noticed brewery owner Ken Allen was 'in the house'. He was moving around quite well considering his recent serious car accident. For those who are unaware, late at night a couple of weeks ago, he was returning to The Valley from S.F. Airport after a long international flight when he briefly lost control of his vehicle before running off the road on Highway 101 near Santa Rosa. Numerous injuries meant he was wearing a medical 'corset' to stabilize his rib cage and back. As a result of the copious amount of medications he was on, he could only have the one beer without feeling "very strange". Nevertheless he was determined to do a little socializing with the usual suspects and it was good to see him out and about again… Keep smiling, Ken, we hope to see you back to top form sometime soon…..
Seizing my second and final beer I ventured out to the beer garden and joined friends who had ordered a take-out meal from Lauren's restaurant. I couldn't possibly refuse their offer to "help yourself, Vulture" and dove into some excellent nachos, a bite from a delicious veggie sandwich (yes, I did say "a delicious veggie sandwich"), and quite possibly the finest French fries I'd had all summer- certainly well worthy of their third place finish in this past year's Turkey Vulture Best Fries Awards. (Narrowly behind those from The Hamburger and Pasta Ranch in Cloverdale and, in first place, the fries at Mendo Burgers in the town of Mendocino)…..
After the alcohol legal limit had been consumed I said my 'good-byes' and headed home, leaving my friends to make their way to The Grange and an evening of entertainment by a didgereedoo player. Personally, I have to say I use the word "entertainment' somewhat loosely in this case. They asked me to join them but it was a 'no-brainer' on my part to excuse myself and leave. For all I know the act may have been an excellent example of didgereedoo-playing but I just don't like the droning sound which emanates from this native instrument of Australia and an evening of listening to it just doesn't appeal to me at all. In fact in terms of 'annoying entertainment' I put it alongside the interminable prancing dragons at a Chinese New Year celebration or a mime…None of which are nearly as bad as the ultimate instrument for bleeding ears, that Scottish noise machine - the bagpipes…..
I think I've said enough…I love the Aussies, Chinese, and Scots…In fact I now invite them (but not the mimes), to join me…"Let us prey"….
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…..