# 83 - October 31st, 2007

Greetings one and all, and “Happy Halloween!” to every one of you, no matter whether you are an “Angry Villager” or a “Zombie” on the wild and crazy streets of Boonville this evening…I usually turn out as “An Angry Zombie”…
Talking of which, I attended a Halloween Bash at the weekend at which there was quite an array of splendid costumes on display. These included a “deformed child in a cage” being carried around by a Lurch-like character (I guess you had to be there); a man with a fiendish grin in a Pabst Blue Ribbon hat; a leather-clad, whip-wielding dominatrix in thigh-high, stiletto-heeled boots (always a must at any decent costume party, in my book); a three month old baby who appeared to have come as Winston Churchill (don’t they all?); and a most disturbing costume consisting of a man with a lamb attached to his groin, his trousers half-way down, and wearing a sticker that said, “Caution – Lonely Shepherd” - well, I hope it was a costume, but you never know…
Moving very quickly on…It’s the Turkey Vulture Quiz…Answers at the end…
1. What is the name of the vineyards at the junction of Hwy 128 and the Philo- Greenwood Ridge Road?
2. This Boonville man had a building named after him, owned a hardware and appliance store, was the local judge, a fine "Dump Guy"at the County Dump, and started the local newspaper – The Anderson Valley Advertiser. Who?
3. What event takes place in The Valley on the last weekend of July?

Quote of the Week…”America – a nation of 300 million people of which 250 million have the mentality of used-car salesmen, with all the money they need to buy guns, and no qualms about killing anyone else in the world who tries to make them uncomfortable” - Hunter S. Thompson…Good one, Gonzo, may your god rest your soul…

Whine of the Week – Listening to The Valley’s self-righteous “Tit" (“Television is trash”) people…Let me explain…I attended the “Knowledge and Trivia” Quiz at The Highpockety Ox in Boonville last Thursday evening and, apart from enjoying the company of many locals and numerous fine ales, I learned from the “Film and Television” round of questions that TV’s cartoon family, “The Simpson’s”, had pets by the names of Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II. Fifteen years ago I was at a quiz in San Francisco when the Quiz Master asked for the names of the Simpson Family members – Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, and Maggie. It is a sign of how this clever, cutting-edge, and often very funny program, with its numerous socio-political commentaries, has entered the nation’s psyche that such a question cannot be asked today as it would be far too easy to answer for almost anyone…
Unless, and this finally brings me to my point, the person is a “member” of the “Television is trash” brigade, or "Tit’s" as they are sometimes called. These are people who do not have a television and who, for some reason, let people know this as often as they can, often frowning disparagingly at those that do watch the tube as if they have committed some sort of crime. Their comments are frequently said in such a way as to imply that by not owning nor watching such a device is in some way a sign of their intellectual superiority. Now it’s only my humble opinion of course, but I actually think that in many cases the opposite may be true.
Let me just say that there is a massive amount of complete and utter crap on television. Furthermore, many people without a television are clearly not "Tit’s". However, the attitude often shown by others comes from a very narrow-minded perspective. I believe that if such people were to watch television, showing some discernment in their choices of course, and focusing on the likes of H.B.O. (whose claim is that “It’s not T.V.”), etc, and not on the big networks’ programming, then they might be in for a surprise. They would discover there are many hours a week in which “The Box” is a source for interesting, informative, and intellectually stimulating entertainment, whether it is in the form of drama or documentary, humor or sports, news or cultural programming…
Did any "Tit" see the interview with Gary Kasparov on Bill Maher’s ‘Real Time’ program last week? I think not. Too bad – it showed the former World Champion Chess Player, and more importantly, the current opposition leader in Russia to have a quite brilliant mind, with an ability to think quickly and express himself precisely about every issue under discussion, unlike certain politicians in this country who come to mind…So, come on, you T.I.T.’s, throw of your chains of smugness, step down from your ivory towers of intellectual snobbery, and “turn on and tune in” – you might just enjoy yourselves a little and in all likelihood broaden your horizons and perhaps even learn something…
Wine of the Week…Well actually not a wine this week but beer instead – Guinness in fact! This superb stout from Ireland is poured on draft at both The Ox and The Lodge in Boonville and it’s a marvelous pint at each establishment – if poured correctly. That is, in two stages, with the first two-thirds poured followed by a break until the beer settles and then topped of with the final third - the perfect pint taking 119 seconds to pour. Trust me on this, you’ll thank me later…A few stores in The Valley sell the black and white nectar in cans (the bottles are not nearly as good) and whilst it’s not quite the “real thing”, it comes pretty close when poured into a glass. Sipping this with an egg and bacon (the platter bacon from the deli at Lemon’s Market in Philo is excellent) sandwich and you might well believe that you’re in Ireland sitting next to the Blarney Stone with not a care in the world…and yer gotta like that!
It just remains for me to suggest that you think good thoughts, stay out of the ditches, and, on this weirdest of nights, be careful out there... In the meantime, let us prey...Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or e-mail me at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. Corby Vineyards – no public tasting room though…
2. Homer Mannix – quite a character by all accounts…
3. The Woolgrowers BBQ and Sheep Dog Trial – hopefully this year was not the last as rumor has it…

# 82 - October 24th, 2007

Greetings one and all…Had enough rain for now? As everyone says, “we needed it”, although a few days of warm sunshine this week will be welcome break before the winter arrives. Listen to me! What a whiner! It’s not like we live in Minnesota or something is it? In fact, I’ll see you on my deck for a Bloody Mary in the sunshine on Christmas Day!...
Oh, there’s one other issue I wanted to mention at this point. It could even be The Whine of the Week…To you visitors to The Valley - please consider the fact that not everyone is out for a joyride at 35 mph, some of us are trying to work, so please follow the rules of the road - particularly California Vehicle Code #21656 – “Slower vehicles must pull over to permit passing”. Thank you in anticipation...

But I digress…Here’s the Turkey Vulture Quiz for this week…
1. What Native American tribe were the original settlers in The Valley?
2. What does the following Boontling (our local dialect) phrase mean? – “A kimmy and his wee tweed were treckin’ in the high shams near Boont”
3. Which Valley town was originally known as “Iteville”?

Quote of the Week…”A woman needs a man is like a fish needs a bicycle” – Feminist author Gloria Steinem. No argument from this Turkey Vulture in touch with his feminine side!...

Whine of the Week – Anti-Tele Snobs…I attended the “Knowledge and Trivia” Quiz at The Highpockety Ox in Boonville last Thursday evening and, apart from enjoying the company of many locals and numerous pints of Guinness, I learned from the “Film and Television” round of questions that TV’s cartoon family, “The Simpson’s”, had pets by the names of Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II. Fifteen years ago I was at a quiz in San Francisco when the Quiz Master asked for the names of the Simpson Family members – Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, and Maggie. It is a sign of how this clever, cutting-edge, and often very funny program has entered the nation’s psyche that such a question cannot be asked today as it would be far too easy to answer for almost anyone…Unless, and this finally brings me to my point, the person is an “Anti-Tele Snob” (A.T.S.) who does not have a television and who, for some reason, lets people know this as often as they can. This is frequently said in such a way as to imply that by not owning or watching such a device this is some sort of sign of their intellectual superiority. It’s only my humble opinion of course, but I actually think that in many cases the opposite may be true. Their attitude shows a very narrow-minded perspective and I believe that if such people were to watch television, showing some discernment in their choices obviously, then they would discover there are many hours a week in which “The Box” is a source for interesting, informative, and intellectually stimulating entertainment, whether it be in the form of drama or documentary, humor or sports, news or cultural programming…Come on, A.T.S.’s, step down from your ivory towers and “turn on and tune in” – you might just enjoy yourselves a little and in all likelihood even learn something…

Wine of the Week…Well not a wine this week but beer instead – Guinness in fact! This superb stout from Ireland is poured at both The Ox and The Lodge in Boonville and it’s a marvelous pint at each establishment – if poured correctly. That is, in two stages, with the first two-thirds poured followed by a break until the beer settles and then topped of with the final third - the perfect pint taking 119 seconds to pour. Trust me on this, you’ll thank me later…However, a few stores in The Valley sell the black and white nectar in cans (the bottles are not nearly as good) and whilst it’s not quite the “real thing”, it comes pretty close when poured into a glass. Sipping this with an egg and bacon (the platter bacon from the deli at Lemon’s Market in Philo is excellent) sandwich and you might well believe that you’re in Ireland sitting next to the Blarney Stone with not a care in the world…and yer gotta like that!

Back to reality, I’m afraid… Last week in these pages I thoroughly enjoyed the excellent report by the A.V.A.’s brain trust of Anderson and Scaramella on the “Big Dig” that is taking place at the Philo end of Anderson Valley Way under the direction of William “Bill” Hill and his business empire. I met Bill when, unbelievable as it may sound to some regular readers, I was sober and he wasn’t. We had an interesting yet one-sided chat during which he informed me, as wealthy people so often do after a drink or ten, that he was very wealthy. He added that he wanted to get involved in a business in downtown Boonville. Apparently, when he’s not digging massive holes, amongst other things he is a winemaker at Bighorn Cellars in Napa. Really? Anyway, when I got my one sentence in, informing him that I am an observer of The Valley, he gave me his business card and asked me to get in touch if I heard of any “opportunities” for him to get in on the “local scene”. I will not be doing so. Like many others I do believe that a bank, a pharmacy, and a ‘proper’ Pizza parlor (nothing at all like the recent “joke” that was Lumberjack Pizza) would all be of benefit to The Valley…Also perhaps even a small, affordable, tastefully designed, single-storey, owner-operated motel (a “dirty” word to some, I know, but if it means less drunk-drivers on our roads late at night then surely it’s a good thing). Having said that, Billy Big Bucks would not be my choice to be a part of any of these enterprises and, by the sound of it, not many other people’s either. . But that’s just my opinion and I could be wrong…

Once again, I’ve run out of space just as I was getting going. Never mind there is always next week. It just remains for me to suggest that you think good thoughts, stay out of the ditches, and in the meantime, let us prey…Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or e-mail me at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. The Pomo Indians
2. “A man and his small son were driving along in the mountains near Boonville”
3. Navarro (or Wendling) - on account of the early settlers at that end of The Valley being mainly of Italian descent…

# 81 - October 17th, 2007

Greetings one and all…I have been away for a few days in San Francisco, more of that in a minute, but first here’s the Turkey Vulture Quiz…Answers at the end of the column…
1. There are two roads that run into Hwy 128 between the gas station in Philo and Starr Auto. Name them…
2. What is the elevation of Yorkville?
3. The big red house on Hwy 128 at the 19-mile marker between Philo and Navarro is called what?...Extra point to anyone who knows the original owners…

I am limited for space this week but I thought I must tell you about the wedding I attended last weekend (no, I did not crash it – I was actually invited!). At about 9pm on Saturday night I found myself in the outer Mission district at a beautiful mansion, The Chenery House, drinking champagne in the company of about one hundred very well-dressed, yet quite drunk, guests plus novelist Danielle Steele, also well-dressed yet not so drunk, wearing the largest pair of sunglasses I have ever seen and surrounded by a small entourage. I find people wearing sunglasses inside at 9pm at night particularly odd so having introduced myself I obviously wanted to create a little mischief so I informed ‘the writer of more best sellers than anyone else on the planet’ that I had read all her works.
As she held her cigarette in a holder with one hand and sipped the champagne from a crystal glass in the other, she looked at me suspiciously and said, “Really…and which one is your favorite?”… Having never read a single word she has ever written, I briefly panicked before replying, “Err, well it’s very hard to name just one but The Passion was probably the most enjoyable” – I was far from sober and didn’t really care if this was a feasible answer or not, although it might be a good guess as I vaguely know the kind of books she writes and “Passion” seemed like a good bet for a title…She smiled and said, “Ah, ‘Passion’s Promise’ - that’s one of my favorites too…Thank you, Mr. Vulture”, at which point she turned and walked away…I wasn’t sure what to make of this so I checked it out later – ‘Passion’s Promise’ was published in 1989 and is one of her biggest sellers!...Who knew???
San Francisco is a marvelous city of course but every time I go there these days, the smells, noise, “taste” and overall “bad-ass craziness” of the place quickly wear me down. On this occasion I lasted until the Sunday evening when, as I walked along South Van Ness Avenue, I saw a street person lying face-down on nothing but the bitterly cold sidewalk concrete, with not even some cardboard underneath him. He was in very bad shape indeed. It was quite a contrast to the opulence I had been surrounded by on the previous evening and I paused to think about this dichotomy before thrusting $20 into his cold, grubby hand…I once lived in ‘The City’ for seventeen years, mostly in the Lower Haight district, and dealing with the sight of, and confrontations with, street people had always been a part of the city’s “rich tapestry” but at that moment I thought, “For all its magic there is too much of a gulf between the have’s and the have-not’s in this place and I don’t think I could live here anymore”…I felt very sad...

As the rains approached last week, I realized that my nest brush-pile was vulnerable to the elements so I tried to buy a tarp in the Valley. I couldn’t find one; apparently there had been a rush on them in the previous few days. What were people covering up? I think we should be told…

Be careful out there and try to stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts and may your god go with you…Now I must go, but first - let us prey…Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture (hopefully the next Mayor of A.V. – “You know it makes sense”)…..
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at

Quiz Answers…
1. Blattner Road and Rays Road…
2. It’s at 950 feet – they don’t call those locals “High Rollers” for nothing you know!
3. That lovely old house is called Reilly Heights and its first owners were James Reilly and Christine Gschwend…

# 80 - October 10th, 2007

Greetings one and all, and welcome to the column that tells the truth about Anderson Valley…but first here’s this week’s Turkey Vulture (T.V.) Quiz…
1. In what region of the Valley did Boontling, the local dialect in these parts, originate?
2. The sheep population in the Valley reached its peak in which decade?
a) 1880’s b) 1920’s c) 1950’s
3.What number does our very own Anderson Valley Grange have? – It’s up there in big numbers on the sign beside the road that so many of you pass every day!
Good luck – answers at the end of the column…

O.K. then, now on to a little Jive Turkey for you to enjoy and share with friends…Did you know that we Turkey Vultures are the only scavenger birds that can’t kill our prey – we’re not murderers! A close inspection of our feet would remind you more of a chicken rather than a hawk or eagle. Those guys use their feet to rip into their prey in a most tasteless way whereas we more civilized Vultures have very powerful beaks to do this - we can even tear through the toughest cow hide. We then feed in a quite dignified way by thrusting our heads into the body cavity of the dead animal. That’s why we have bald heads – bits of carrion do not adhere to the skin as they would to the feathers of one of those other guys….I just thought you should now this stuff…

I was honored to be invited to the wedding of Scott Pratt, son of Carroll and sometimes of Philo, and Grace Ouida, held in the beautiful gardens of The Boonville Hotel last Saturday. Well, I wasn’t exactly invited so much as I was there because I’ve decided to be The Valley’s self-appointed “Wedding Crasher”…Anyway, I was there and it was a wonderful affair. The service by Minister Patty Liddy was unique – both funny and moving, quite a few tears were shed, unlike at so many of these events where the service is long and boring and merely a dull prelude to the food and drink - speaking of which, you’ll be pleased to know, I thoroughly enjoyed…
To the accompaniment of the delightful music of Boonville’s own Michael and Leslie Hubbert, the delicious Roederer Brut Rose sparkling wine, (certainly my Wine of the Week) from just a few miles away along Hwy 128, was served in abundance and paired with some very tasty hors d’ouevres…“Champagne” is always a good move at a wedding, I say, certainly if judged by the frivolity exhibited by the guests during the ensuing dinner and into the night, particularly the very pretty Japanese lady from Los Angleles who at one point flirtatiously suggested that we…(continued on page 74)…
But I digress...Dinner was served buffet-style at a couple of different server stations in the garden and once again, unlike most Pot Lucks I have attended of late (as regular readers will be aware), there was plenty for all. This, despite my uncontrollable greed when it came to the jumbo shrimps and lamb, served on skewers on a plate (I must say, this is so much easier than having to shove your beak inside the sheep’s dead body, although obviously not nearly as much fun)…
The couple looked very much in love, the guest (from all over – South Korea, Japan, New York, L.A., even Philo) had a marvelous time I’m sure and the whole event was a great success. Johnnie and the Gang at the Hotel did a marvelous job and you can be sure I’ll be crashing as many of these as possible in the future…

Whine of the Week – surely, even for enophiles (wine lovers) like myself, there are just too many new vines being planted in the Valley at this time. I’m not one to wish ill on anyone (almost) but if some of these wineries fail as successful businesses would it not be for the greater good?...
Things People Say and Do - #31…If somebody shouts something out when they are in a crowd, and it is intended to be funny (although it often isn’t), why are they almost always the one who laughs the loudest? I think we should be told…

The first real rains of the fall are almost upon us and the winding roads of our Valley and beyond will be slick and tricky - so be careful out there and try to stay out of the ditches, think good thoughts, and may your god go with you…Now I must go, but first - let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture (hopefully the next Mayor of A.V. – “You know it makes sense”)…..
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. Boontling originated in The Bell Valley region, east of what is now Boonville, a few miles along and up on Hwy 253…
2. There has never been as many sheep in The Valley as there was in the 1920’s – a time when men were men and sheep were lying little bastards…
3. Our Grange number is #669…and, because he deserves a mention for all his efforts, the Grange Master is non-other than David “listen to my wisdom” Norfleet...

# 79 - October 3rd, 2007

Greetings one and all…And let’s get straight into the T.V. Quiz…
1. The Corners and Kendall City are the two former names of which Anderson Valley town?
a) Boonville b) Philo c) Navarro
2. Not long after World War II there were about fifty of them. Since 1968 there has been just the one. What am I referring to?
3. Barney Flats is the Boontling (our local dialect) name of the Oatmeal Stout brewed by the Anderson Valley Brewery. It is also the name of a specific place in the Valley. Which one?

Moving on… I spotted the following in the Personals this week: “Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a barn on the outskirts of Boonville, seeks attractive brunette female beauty…Must be a very wealthy thirty-something, with a lovely chest and a love of riding”…Good luck, Old Bastard, I think you’ll need it…
As I did my rounds in the heart of Boonville on Saturday night it was like a ghost town. There was virtually no traffic after 9pm and the social scene was unusually quiet. Where was everyone? Was there a potluck going on that I had not been invited to and at which the food would soon run out? Was there a parade of emergency vehicles that I was missing out on being deafened by?...Or was it simply a case of the last Saturday of September signaling that the summer fun is over and it’s time to hunker down in the hills? I hope not - I would miss seeing the “usual suspects” out and about, meeting and greeting one another…On the other hand, with the cooler weather upon us, it means that I can stop defecating on my feet in order to cool them off, something we Turkey Vultures do all summer long in case you didn’t know. It’s true and that’s just a little ‘Jive Turkey’ for you to share with friends…
At about 11pm I spotted a grey-bearded elderly fellow standing besides the road in the center of town with a couple of sheep at his side. Hummingbird asked what he was doing here at such an hour hanging out with two sheep. She is so sweet and naïve at times but she needs to know these things, so I told her, “He’s the local pimp, my dear”…
Moving quickly on…It has come to my attention that all was not harmonious backstage at the recent John Lee Hooker Jr. show at the Navarro Store. Apparently “Ragtime” Rick Blaufeld and fellow bluesman, John Brandeburg, had been booked to support Hooker. Indeed I had noticed numerous flyers around The Valley advertising such an event. However, moments before their show was to begin, biker band The Black Horse Blues Band turned up and, with many of their followers in the audience, “it was decided” that they should play instead. Navarro Store owner Dave Evans did the right thing and paid “Ragtime” and John and the bikers began their excellent set. The usurped duo was not too happy but what could they do? It is believed that two middle-aged bluesmen have never yet won an argument with a large gathering of younger, bigger, stronger bikers and this was not the time and place to test this theory…
Local Business report…Two very big ‘claws up ‘ this week for the excellent ‘stuff’ on sale at three local food and refreshment establishments. One Horse Espresso, in new and improved surroundings next to the Drive-In in the heart of Boonville, continues to provide excellent coffee and new items such as big pretzels and breakfast sandwiches; Mosswood Market, just down the street still has the best pannini sandwich in town; and, despite some people thinking otherwise, I believe the carnitas (fried pork) super burrito from Moya’s Taco Stand at the south end of town, is definitely a hungry person’s best deal for miles. Trust me on all this; you can thank me later…
As you can tell I do not have much to report this week as I’ve been at home a lot lately preparing The Nest for winter. However, I’ll be out and about this weekend so do say hello if you see me…Now I must go, but first, let us prey…Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. Answer a) – They are former names of Boonville.
2. A mill – just the one on the edge of Philo remains.
3. Hendy Woods, alongside the river north west of Philo...