# 150 - February 25th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Regarding the current rain we are getting, let’s all agree not to complain for at least a couple of weeks, or even more if necessary – even those amongst us whose truck has been stuck in the mud for over a week now. Besides, some of the rainbows have been stunning – for those who like such things. However, we are still far behind last year’s totals at this time (we’re at about 65%) and concerns about a serious drought later in the year obviously still exist – so try to grin and bare it...Meanwhile, on a personal note, I am most concerned that Joe and his normally reliable crew at Philo Post Office seem to have lost a couple of sacks of birthday cards that I was expecting to receive in the last week or so – I’m a Valentine Vulture. It’s very odd, they have always been very efficient and so the gnawing feeling will not go away that everyone, apart from Hummingbird, her Mother, my parents, and my accountant (?), simply didn’t bother this year – surely not?...
And from the subject of birthdays it’s only a small leap to the topic of birth itself. I have found that so many quotes put birth and death in the same sentence – understandably so, I suppose, given that’s all there really is apart from lots of sex and taxes in between. However, William Shakespeare’s comment has a somewhat different take and it justifiably makes the Quote of the Week...”When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools”. A little negative perhaps but I have to say it does have a certain unerring accuracy about it...
Moving along from the curmudgeonly attitude of one of history’s great wordsmiths to some thoughts from perhaps some of it’s lesser-known wise men and women– yes, it’s time for this week’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors from The Five-Dot Lounge” – my favorite bar/restaurant in the Valley (.....5 dots – geddit?).....
- Good news circulating the Five-Dot is that Mike Langley, who does a wonderful job, along with wife Patty, on the local public radio show ‘Trading Times’ each Saturday morning, is recovering rapidly from his recent illness and the latest is that that he will be back soon, hopefully this coming weekend (Saturday 28th). The sooner the better is the general consensus amongst the many listeners I have talked to in the past week or so. Although certain stand-ins have continued the good work (Arline Bloom, Barbara Lamb, and KZYX & Z’s own Mary Aigner, all come to mind), others have been somewhat short on charm, warmth, and social/people skills (several people thought Saturday 14th was particularly poor) although their efforts are appreciated of course – hey, I wasn’t there helping out was I?...
- Another ‘complaint’ I get to hear about is with regards to restaurants. It is not the quality of the food that is in question, certainly not at the eateries in the Valley anyway, far from it in fact, rather it’s the background music that is missing. This is something that can, in a subtle way, add to the ambience and overall dining experience and will certainly drown out both the noticeably hushed whispers from neighboring tables and also the incessant and frequently loud clattering of knives and forks – just a passing thought but maybe something to think about....
- After these ‘moans and groans” how about we have a few “good thoughts”? Many of you may remember that in the past I have had several ‘clashes’ with former A.V.A. Boss David Severn but I am pleased to report that twice in the past week I have been told of his excellent work with the A.V. Volunteer Ambulance, keeping patients comfortable and taking good care of them during their ride over the hill to hospital in Ukiah. Apparently, he is far more of a Florence Nightingale than a Randolph Hearst and for that he should be heartily commended.....
- And more positive stuff.....Starr Auto in Philo has been struggling to make ends meet but the good news on the street is that owner Franz Schulte-Bisping, right-hand man Bob Maki, and the loyal crew are continuing to serve the Valley despite the difficult economic times they are enduring. Whilst they have made enforced cutbacks they still do the towing service (vital to many at this time of year), they will work on small repairs, and on Tuesdays, if you have tire needs, this would be the place to go – Chris Tompkins, of North West Tire and Oil just down the road, has a much-deserved day off so get in touch with Starr...
Meanwhile, no time/space for a Quiz this week but as I have mentioned before, if anyone would like to pose their own Valley Quiz questions feel free to e-mail them to me - the address is listed below...
Public Service Announcements - #227: The 18th Annual Variety Show will be at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, March 6th/7th – call Captain Rainbow at 895-3807 to arrange to get your act included. Time is of the essence – auditions are this weekend. Animal acts are strongly encouraged but, as I’ve said before, remember this is a family event!
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you... Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. Continue to get better, Silver Swan – thinking of you...
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…

# 149 - February 18th, 2009

Greetings one and all - I'm away this week so there will be no column to speak of but I could not let the 200th Birthday of Charles Darwin pass without allowing him the opportunity to share his flattering remarks about Turkey Vultures in the form of the Quote of the Week...“A disgusting bird whose bald scarlet head is formed to wallow in putridity”. Perfect - I wholeheartedly thank the genius for his kind words...
There's no time for a Quiz this week but as I have mentioned before, if anyone would like to pose their own Valley Quiz questions feel free to e-mail them to me - the address is listed below...
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you... Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…

# 148 - February 11th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Well the ‘Original’ Crab Feed to benefit St. Elizabeth Seton Church was once again a huge success and many thanks should go to Gloria Ross and her team of excellent helpers for their superb effort. The dinner was as good as ever but many people commented that this year’s servers/wait staff were the best yet and I must agree. They were very efficient and their attentiveness was excellent and, together with John Schultz and his assistants ensuring that the wine never stopped flowing, the dining experience was first-rate. Apart from the ‘Feed’ itself, as I’ve said many times before, it is arguably the best one-night Valley event of the year in terms of socializing and at which to experience the wonderful sense of community that exists in our little world with its wide variety of characters, backgrounds, and cultures...Oh, and for the traditionalists/historians amongst you – yes, I maintained my record and was the last guest to leave for the sixth year in succession, not to mention that I was also the first one to arrive on this occasion. “You must be very proud, Vulch” I can hear you say...
Certainly a strength of The Valley is its community spirit and unity, so in honor of President Lincoln, whose birthday is tomorrow (Feb.12th, with Presidents Day to follow on Monday 16th), here are his clear and concise words on this topic, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” This from a man who knew what he was talking about when it came to solving the problems of ‘divided houses’ – not that the Valley is faced with the kind of problems he had to confront of course...
With time a little limited this week let’s move straight to The Valley Quiz, now at it’s new (temporary?) position in the middle of the column – a subtle change suggested by my old friend Tommy, The Birmingham Buzzard – an avid reader and all-round newspaper connoisseur... Answers at the end...
1. Before it became known as Wellspring in the seventies what was the name of this resort in Philo?
2. In which period did Boontling, the local dialect, flourish before it began to fade away from everyday use?
a) 1855 – 1885 b) 1885 – 1915 c) 1915 - 1945
3. Who was the Ranch Manager at the Mailliard-owned Ornbaun Ranch following World War 2? (Clue – he continues to play a very important role at The County Fair Sheep Dog Trial to this day)...
p.s. If anyone would like to pose their own Valley Quiz questions feel free to e-mail them to me - the address is listed below...
Public Service Announcements...#214: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here tomorrow (Feb. 12th) at Dig Supplies on Hwy 128, a mile or so north of Philo. For your pet care needs and to save you from going to Ukiah, be there between 2pm and 3.30pm... And # 215: No Barn Sale until March, I am reliably informed...Finally, #216: The 18th Annual Variety Show will be at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, March 6th/7th – call Captain Rainbow at 895-3807 to arrange an audition to get your act included. Animal acts are strongly encouraged but remember this is a family event! Having said that, I know I’m not alone in thinking that an ‘Adult’ Variety Show (not just for animal acts of course) at which all kinds of ‘entertainment for the ‘Over 18’s’ would be welcome. Is anyone out there interested in putting this together?...
Perhaps I should go now - I’ll get my coat shall I?...Meanwhile, be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you... Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. Sincere best wishes for a full recovery to Silver Swan who underwent surgery this past week – many people’s thoughts are with you so take care and I hope to see you soon...
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…
Quiz answers...
1. Ray’s Resort, after its founder, Avon Ray.
2. b) - Boontling, originally developed in Bell Valley (The Belk Region), was used extensively in the Valley before World War 1.
3. Guido Pronsolino held that job during the years when sheep still played a big part in the Valley’s daily life. He has been the commentator at the Sheep Dog Trial for many years...

# 147 - February 4th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Well I enjoyed my week off and I hope you did too – enjoy the week that is, not necessarily the absence of this column (?)...Anyway, hopefully you had your life savings bet on Arizona to cover with the seven points they were getting in the Super Bowl. If so, you will no doubt soon be reading this esteemed organ on the deck of your newly purchased tasting room and winery in the heart of the Valley. Isn’t being a wine maker what many amongst the nouveau riche aspire to? Or does it just seem that way? Just asking...
This coming Saturday night (Feb 7th) sees one of the best events of the year here in The Valley - The “Original” Crab Feed, organized by Gloria Ross with great assistance from her splendid Crew. It’s at the Apple Hall at The Fairgrounds in Boonville and benefits the St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church. The ‘Happy Social Hour’, featuring wine, beer, cocktails, and good conversation, will take place from 5.30pm to 7pm at which point the “Feed” will commence. This “Mother-of-all Feeds” will be followed by the world famous “Best Little Raffle in the West”, hosted by John “Smooth-talking” Schultz...The bar will remain open until 10.30pm and more social time can be enjoyed until I am asked to leave at around 11pm...
In honor of this event, and bearing in mind my personal advice for everyone in attendance to eat, drink, and be merry, I give you the Quote of the Week... ”Attendance to health is the greatest hindrance to life” – very wise words indeed from one of history’s wisest – the one and only Plato, a founder of Western philosophy and all-round clever bugger from Greece...
Now it’s time for a few “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors from The 5-Dot Lounge” – my favorite bar/restaurant in the Valley.....(5 dots – geddit?).....A quick heads-up - the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be at Dig (formerly the Farm Supply) in Philo next Thursday (Feb 12th) at 2pm.....Has A.V.A. Supremo Bruce Anderson really mellowed as I keep hearing, or is it a fiendish plot to lull us all into a false sense of security before he lashes out and reduces us all to tears and humiliation? I couldn’t possibly comment.....Someone has to say it again – Cindy Wilder does a great job both with the Farmer’s Market and now, during the winter months, at the A.V. Grange Mart – a food (local produce, fish and seafood, etc) and craft market held each Sunday at The Grange from noon to 2pm. Think about showing up – the more the merrier; may be you’ll find just what you are looking for and perhaps a surprise or two.....Heidi Knott and Mitch Mendosa’s documentary about teenage pregnancy, “Mommy, Daddy, Wait for me”, was an excellent ingredient in the mix at the recent A.V. Film Festival. The filmmakers’ focus and technique surely resulted in viewers’ heartfelt interest in the participants future welfare and, for those at whom its message is aimed, a clear and concise theme that teenage pregnancy is the last thing they would want to deal with. Hopefully a wider audience will get to see this important and very relevant movie. (To purchase copies contact hknott@mcn.org).....
Whilst at The Grange getting in the mood to watch ‘Pig Hunt’ at last week’s film extravaganza, I found myself sipping some delicious Claudia Springs Zinfandel as I nibbled on a Brownie from Mosswood Market. Now if that isn’t a marriage-made-in-heaven I don’t know what is! The Zin was delicious, a perfect complement to the rich chocolate in the brownie, and can certainly lay claim to the Wine of the Week. To say the experience was orgasmic would be an understatement and one has to wonder why people would go pig-hunting and risk their lives chasing a 3000 pound wild hog when they can sit around eating and drinking this kind of stuff...
And that brings me to the Whine of the Week...Did you enjoy the inauguration? I certainly did, although it was really only Obama’s speech that was of any significance in the whole affair. Parades and talking-heads wrapped up in layers of winter clothes become boring very quickly to this cynical curmudgeon...Several people I’ve met/overheard in the past week or so were at pains to announce in a self-satisfied way that they missed it because they do not have/watch television. I have mentioned this group before – T.I.T. (‘Television is Trash’) is the title of their ‘cult’ and they never miss a chance to point this ‘fact’ out – it’s quite odd...Besides, why didn’t they make an effort to see this historic event by attending its screening at the High School gym? What a good idea by someone – Jerry Cox mentioned this thought with me some months ago so perhaps it was him... Anyway, I suppose those T.I.T.s that did make the effort will now go back to four more television-free years. In my humble opinion, that’s unfortunate for them. If their decision to go without the ‘evil box in the corner of the room’ is an ‘intellectual’ one then perhaps they are not as ‘intellectual’ as they would have us believe. A discerning viewer with a television remote in his or her hand has a potential wealth of information, education, and often stimulation at their fingertips. I’ve rambled on about this before but I just thought ‘they’ might want to be reminded. To the rest of you, I apologize for my repetitiveness from the heart of my bottom...
Perhaps I should go now - I’ll get my coat shall I?...Hopefully I’ll do a Valley Quiz next week but meanwhile be careful out there; think good thoughts; may your god go with you...I’ll see you at the Crab Feed – I’ll be the one with crab juice trickling down my chin onto my shirt and praying that those at the priest’s table don’t win the best raffle prizes like they did last year (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course – well not much anyway)…Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net…