# 74 - August 29th, 2007

Greetings one and all, I hope I find you well…I must immediately apologize – I think this is Apology #247 - for the shortened effort that I offer to you this week, although there will be some amongst you who will be no doubt grateful (but don't forget, I know where you live)...By the time you read this I will have returned from a road trip with good friends, The Large-Breasted Warbler and her mate, The Long-Tailed Illinois Falcon, and I was unable to get much else done with all the preying that we did on our journey… Neverthless, some things are just too important to be overlooked, so here is The T.V. (Turkey Vulture) Quiz …All three questions this week are concerned with some of the Valley’s more famous/infamous residents…Answers at the end of the column…
1. Which Valley resident had his likeness in pen and ink printed on the front page of The Wall Street Journal back in 1986?…
2. Gchwend Road, near to the Philo-Navarro border, is the home to two gentlemen who are regarded as “world experts” in their respective fields. One won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry in 1993 and the other is the self-proclaimed “world’s leading expert on labyrinths” - and he may be correct…Who are they?
3. Which Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist lives up in the hills in the northwest end of the Valley?

That’s it - I must go, but first I would like to thank readers for the numerous positive responses that have greeted my return to the illustrious pages of the A.V.A. A few simple words such as “great to see you flying again” are much appreciated. After all, everyone needs a little validation on occasions, even self-righteous and opinionated Turkey Vultures!
Be careful out there and, most importantly, before I zoom off - let us prey…Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your requests for Apologies, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or by e-mail at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net

Quiz Answers…
1. It was the A.V.A.’s very own “Mighty Leader”, Mr. Bruce Anderson…And yes, it was the Wall Street Journal not the Post Office Wall…
2. Kari Mullis won the Nobel Prize for his work on the development of the Polymerase Chain Reaction (PCR), which allows the amplification of specified DNA sequences – to a simple Turkey Vulture that would be the cloning technique as seen in the movie Jurassic Park (I think)…Alex Champion is the man responsible for many labyrinths in the Valley and far beyond. His book, “Earth Mazes” is, in his own words, “Somewhere between being out of date and a classic”…
3. Alice Walker, who received her prize for the book “The Color Purple” in 1983…

# 73 - August 22nd, 2007

Greetings one and all…I hope I find you happy and healthy and still enjoying our extraordinarily mild summer. Even the Wise Shepherd of frequently Hotter-than-Hell Yorkville commented that he could not remember it being so pleasant up in High Roller country all summer long – I put it down to global cooling…
Meanwhile let’s get down to business with this week’s Quiz Questions…
1. How far is it from The Valley to Elk along the Philo-Greenwood Ridge Road, according to the sign on Hwy 128?
2. What are the hours of business for The Farmer’s Market held each Saturday in the parking lot of The Boonville Hotel?
3. What was the name of the very first bar in the Valley, situated where the Lodge now stands?

Apology - #246: This goes out to readers of last week’s column who were confused by my reference to “albacore salmon”. Of course I meant to say it was albacore tuna that was an excellent food pairing with the Chenin Blanc from Husch winery but I was clearly distracted or very, very drunk when I wrote that particular sentence. Many thanks to everyone who chose to tell me or point out my error, particularly the long-time Valley party-goer, and former frequent drinker of the classic ‘99 cents for a six-pack of Buckhorn Beer’ – none other than the very appropriately named, “Buckhorn” Bob.

In “Food and Restaurant News” this week, I’d like to follow up on the story mentioned a couple of weeks ago by Mr. Bruce Anderson, Our Supreme Leader here at The A.V.A., that concerned the ownership change at Buddy’s Ice Cream store. I have made the acquaintance of the new owners, Ed and Rebecca Donovan, and have found them to be very pleasant young people with a fine sense of community - I’m sure they’ll do a fine job. They plan to keep the menu pretty much the same for now but have some new ideas for the business in the future and perhaps one of these will be for some bar-b-que items. I have tasted the superb grub served up by “Texas Ed” (as he is known in certain circles) from his bar-b-que-grill-on-a-trailer at local events held at The Ox (a whole roasted pig) and The Philo Pottery Inn (pulled pork and chicken) so if and when bar-b-que is added I’ll be at the front of the line to eat at Buddy’s, along with anyone else who appreciates the work of a grill master…

Universal Truth - # 53: At the end of every party there is always a girl crying and a man drunk…and although they are not necessarily always together, they often are…
And from this week’s Personals…”Heavy drinker, 35, Philo area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his beer, cigarettes, and starting fights in bars at two o'clock in the morning”…And, no, it’s not me!...

“We get all kinds up here” - #114…As I gracefully flew along the northwest end of The Valley last week my Vulture vision spotted a man in distress at the side of the road on Hwy 128 at the junction with Gschwend Road. He was lying at the side of the road, a crumpled bicycle with numerous bags attached to the saddle lying nearby, perspiring profusely, and breathing very heavily. He spotted me and called out for help. I pulled alongside and asked what was wrong.
In a strong foreign accent he said, “I’m in bad health, mate. I was robbed of my passport and money in Leggett and have to get to the Australian Consulate in San Francisco. Then a few minutes ago a big logging truck swerved and cut me off and I crashed into the side of the road. Could you give me a hand?”
Despite his cycling attire I was still a little suspicious. He had a very pronounced beer belly and a ruddy and vein-riddled, alcohol drinker’s complexion. I certainly wondered about the authenticity of his story but thankfully, due to the skintight outfit leaving nothing to the imagination, I could tell he did not have any sort of weapon, not a dangerous one anyway!
We struggled to get what was surely the “heaviest bicycle in the world” on to my pick-up. The bags of “stuff” were extremely heavy and the two of us could barely manage it. We headed for Hendy Woods where he planned to stay for the night and perhaps hook up with someone to take him to the City the next day. We talked briefly during the ride and he seemed like a decent fellow. His name was Ian and he was apparently cycling around the world. Once again the beer belly, the wheezing, and his general health and appearance threw doubt in my mind. Anyway, I took him to the campground, gave him $20 for whatever he may need, and helped him unload the unbelievably heavy bike and his “stuff”.
“What’s in the bags, Ian?” I inquired.
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you”, he replied with a straight face.
“Oh really” I said, waiting for him to smile. He didn’t. “You’ll give hitchhikers a bad name saying stuff like that.”
“They have a bad name these days anyway”, he replied, “And it’s just because a few people have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong hitchhiker…But don’t worry, you’re o.k., Vulture…Thanks for the ride.”…And with that he turned and walked away, struggling to push his heavy load on the bike with its buckled back wheel…It was a certainly a strange thing to say at the end of a weird interlude and, as I often say, I thought you good readers should know…

With my tale of Ian the Aussie taking up space, there is no Whine of the Week this time – and that, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely my Whine of the Week!...Be careful out there, but first - let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your requests for Apologies, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or by e-mail at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. 18 miles, that’s about 35 minutes as The Vulture flies…
2. 9.45 to Noon…
3. The Anytime – great name for a bar, wouldn’t you say?

# 72 - August 15th, 2007

Greetings one and all and thanks for joining me…First I have to take care of business and set this week’s quiz. Here we go; answers at the end of the column…
1. In what decade did the Valley’s local dialect, “Boontling” originate?
2. How much will it cost you to spend a night camping at The Indian Creek County Park in The Valley?
3. In which prime-time T.V. show does part-time Valley resident, Rene Auberjoinois, regularly appear?

Let’s get straight in to The Whine of the Week...I certainly don’t wish to put my social engagements at risk but what’s with a Pot Luck gathering that leaves you hungry? At most Pot Lucks I have attended, most guests, including Hummingbird and myself, have made an effort and bought food whilst some others have not. It’s a wonderful idea in theory and when everyone pulls together it can be an excellent time for all. However, and it’s only my opinion of course, too often it doesn’t work and there is not enough food to go round. Sound familiar? Let me assure you that when you next visit The Nest you will be thoroughly “fed and watered” by we hosts (assuming you like grilled carrion), and if you decide to bring a courteous bottle then it will be appreciated. This keeps it simple and it works every time…Now please don’t let this mild rant dissuade you from inviting me over for that bar-b-que pot luck you’re planning. I’ll be there, with a bottle or two of something and my “secret recipe” potato and squirrel salad… and I promise to only eat what any Vulture would devour in polite company…

Wine of the Week…Now I’m not a big fan of the semi-sweet white wines but, with the right food pairing, I have found that they can be most enjoyable, even for a red wine-guzzling bird of prey like myself. This past week a friend of mine dropped of some smoked albacore salmon he had caught and cured for my eating pleasure. I thought about it for a moment and then put some on a bagel with cream cheese and opened up a bottle of Chenin Blanc from The Valley’s Husch winery. Wow! - I was in hog heaven. This is a really good wine when paired with the right sort of savory food – trust me on this, you’ll thank me later…

Moving on…The plan was simple, just like my lazy good-for-nothing brother-in-law Fred the Philo Finch, but, unlike Fred, I felt that this plan just might work!...I had decided to fly out to the coast on Thursday, check out the views, have a bite to eat at Mendo Burgers, home of my “Best French Fries in the County” award for 2005, guzzle a couple of pints of Guinness at Patterson’s Pub in the heart of Mendocino, and then travel back to The Valley via Elk and the Philo-Greenwood Ridge Road. It was a perfect morning up in the hills at The Nest as I set out - what could go wrong?...Nothing as it happens!...The views were spectacular; the fries as good as ever, (although too expensive at this point); the Guinness tasted wonderful, having been poured perfectly by a rather attractive barmaid; Elk was found to be still one of the north coast’s most charming places; and the drive back to The Valley as relaxing as country driving can be…Yes, folks, life up here can be very special indeed and I can certainly recommend this particular ‘Mendo Experience’ to everyone…

That’s enough food talk for this week…On to another topic near and dear to my heart – flying. Last weekend saw the Annual Hangar Party at the airport in Boonville. Hosted by the affectionately known “Airport Crowd”, this has turned into one of the more popular local events on the calendar. With the local pilots giving ride after ride to the assembled guests, beer and wine on offer, and dinner in the evening that should be of no surprise. Of course, I only observe from the perimeter fence, not wishing to show the pilots up with my flying skills, but I have to say they are a very talented group and one can only imagine that there is a little “vulture’ in them all…

So, it would appear that arguably my favorite store in The Valley is under new management. I’m referring to The A.V. Farm Supply, owned and operated for many, many years by Dave and Nancy Gowan. Thanks to the investigative reporting by Our Mighty Leader, Bruce Anderson, we have now learnt that it has been leased, with a view to buying, by a young, motivated couple from the coast who, according to Dave, aim to pretty much keep it the same with a few changes to be added over time. This is excellent news for their loyal customers and a fine reward for Dave and Nancy who rejected proposals from those in the winery world and hung on for a buyer who would keep the Farm Supply going. Like many of you I shall miss seeing and talking with Dave and Nancy on a regular basis, particularly Dave’s jokes and spot-on weather forecasts (more accurate than anything on the radio, t.v. or internet) and, of course, their advice on everything from the range of soils for your tomato plants to caring for bummer lambs living indoors with severe cases of diarrhea!...I know they will keep busy somehow (helping the new owners for a time at least) but if anyone deserves a break and some personal time it’s these guys. I wish them the very best for a long and happy retirement…Many thanks to both of you from many of us…

Well, I must go, I have to attend a Pot Luck at my neighbor’s house and I want to get there before the food has all gone…May your God go with you - and in the meantime, let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or by e-mail at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. 1880’s
2. $10
3. Boston Legal

# 71 - August 8th, 2007

Greetings one and all, and welcome back to another few observations and thoughts about life in and around Anderson Valley from the travels and mind of your favorite bird of prey…
But first I have to set this week’s quiz. Here we go; answers at the end of the column…
1. What is the name of the Ranch situated on Hwy 128 between the Valley Foothills Vineyard and the Greenwood Ridge Winery tasting room?
2. Hopefully everyone is aware that the teams at A.V. High School are known as The Panthers, but what is the name of their perennial rivals from Mendocino High?
3. When did the first white settlers arrive in Anderson Valley?

As one of his biggest fans, I was saddened to hear the news that Ron the Dump Guy left his job at our County Dump on Mountain View Road, taking with him that knowing smile and those words of wisdom. Fortunately, he has been replaced (if you can actually replace a living legend) by the always courteous, often helpful, bushy bearded, and even jolly, ‘Dump Guy with No Name’ (who does have a name but I have inexplicably forgotten it as I sit here in a haze. I will certainly let you know a.s.a.p.)…Anyway, as a result, The Dump remains one of my favorite places in The Valley to hang out; although I accept that the pungent aromas emanating from there on some of our hotter days are not to everyone’s liking…yet I actually find them quite exotic...Oh, and before I forget, according to the sign, you still cannot take “dead animals” to the dump so please leave them to those of us who know what to do with such things...

Now on to The Whine of the Week…On this occasion my “whine” is concerned with a subject very dear to my heart – lost pets, specifically dogs, but cats obviously go missing too on occasion. In this Valley I have noticed a tendency for some dog owners to not attach tags to their dog’s collar with a name and phone number inscribed, if indeed they even have a collar at all. I know several otherwise smart, caring people whose dogs do not have tags. I do not understand why this is so. Surely it’s not too much to expect if you are investing love, time, and money in other ways, into your pet. You can get tags through your vet, at Wal-Mart in Ukiah, or, perhaps best of all, off the internet from a very reputable company I have used many times. They are at www.tagxpress.com and it will cost you less than $10 for a tag, including shipping. Let’s make it easier for Cheryl and the rest of our Animal Rescue people, along with other concerned citizens, to ensure that lost pets finds their way back home quickly with as little worry as possible for all concerned…

No Wine of the Week this time – I’ve been taking a wine-break and concentrating on beer only. I can therefore highly recommend the Anderson Valley Brewery’s Poleeko Pale Ale that is poured splendidly at both the Boonville Lodge and The Highpockety Ox. Accompanied with the spicy chicken wings at The Ox or the fried jalapenos at The Lodge, I can assure you that it doesn’t get much better than this after spending a long, hard day waiting around for something to die…

What about those ornery sheep in the dog trials at last week’s Woolgrowers Fair? Some of the most aggressive I’ve ever seen at such an event. As I said to Hummingbird at the time, “I’d rather kiss a wild hogs snout than tangle with some of those nasty woolen bastards”…All morning long the dogs and their handlers struggled to control them and the spectators in the stands at the Fairground were witnesses to the humbling of some of the county’s best dogs and their shepherds. In football terms I’d say it was a 35-7 win for the sheep and when I visit the Master Shepherd next week in Yorkville I know he’ll have plenty to say about this disastrous result…Further bad news for all lovers of the sheep dog trials, not to mention the tasty lamb bar-b-q on offer every year – my best investigative reporter, Balding Eagle, informs me that this may well have been the last Woolgrowers. Lack of Money? Organizers dropping out? I’m not sure, probably both, but surely this wonderful event, one of my favorites the Valley has to offer, will not go down without a fight…

As I flew over the High School early last Wednesday evening I observed about 20 or more soccer players on Tom Smith Field under the watchful eye of The Man himself, along with Assistant Coach, Steve Sparks, who were putting the boys through some pre-season drills and practice. Having followed the program’s progress for some years, I stopped for a brief chat and found out that the squad has lost only two seniors from last season’s starting line-up – a team that reached the play-off semi-final before falling to the eventual Champions from Marin Academy. The coaches believe that the ability is certainly there on the team to go even further this year although divisional rivals, Roseland Prep from Santa Rosa, who came second to the Panthers in last season divisional race, did not lose any of their starters. Without being disrespectful to other teams in the same section, it would appear that these two schools will once again be doing battle for the Divisional Title and the all-important home field advantage through the play-offs. The season begins at the end of August during the first week of school - I’ll keep you posted…

Once again, I’ve run out of space just as I was getting going. Never mind there is always next week. It just remains for me to suggest that you think good thoughts, stay out of the ditches, and in the meantime, let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or e-mail me at…turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. The Day Ranch
2. The Cardinals
3. 1851

# 70 - August 1st, 2007

Greetings one and all…and welcome back to another column of this, that, and the other from the mental and physical meanderings of your favorite bird of prey…
First, let’s get the brain in gear and give you this week’s Turkey Vulture Quiz…Three questions…Answers at the end of the column…
1. One of the undoubted masters of Boontling, our local dialect, he had appeared on The Tonight Show with Johnnie Carson speaking in the local tongue. He was known as ‘Chipmunk’ and sadly he passed away a couple of years ago. What was his real name?
2. What is the name of the road that joins Hwy 128 between Boont Berry Farm Store and Alicia’s restaurant in the heart of Boonville?
3. How observant are you?...According to the large numbers that appear on the front of the store, in what year was construction finished on the building which houses the Rossi Hardware Store in Boonville?...
Good news on the local small business front – and “yes” there can be good news on this front despite what some might have you believe…We have two new hair salons in town – one going by the name of Shear Elegance (489-0703) and the other, still called The Hair Station (895-2414) and in the caboose next to Boont Berry Farm, but now under the ownership of Krystine Lynn Snyder. The owner/stylist at Shear Elegance is Amanda Hiatt and she has set up shop behind the Boonville Hotel in a nicely refurbished space. She provides a full-service salon with everything from women’s shampoos and sets, perms and colorings, nails and pedicures, to haircuts for men, and even bikini waxing. Now you may not realize it but Turkey Vultures are particularly vain when it comes to their appearance and I have already had my feathers plucked, my claws sharpened, and my bright red baldhead shined by the very talented Amanda. Why would you go to Ukiah when you have her and Krystine on your doorstep?...Now if we could just get a bank, a pharmacy, and an all-you-can-eat carrion restaurant, I’d never have to leave The Valley…
I spotted the following in this week’s Valley Personals column... ”Optimistic Boonville man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister”...Fairly optimistic, wouldn’t you say?…
As I zoomed up and down the Valley it seemed like there were lots of ‘Brightlighters’ in town this past week and that meant a brisk business for One Horse Espresso, the to-go coffee stand alongside the Redwood Drive-in in Boonville. Excellent coffee and very refreshing smoothies are the name of the game and you will always be met with a smile from owner Natalie Mattson or one of the staff, Jenna or Terri. I like to go on a Tuesday mornings particularly – I just thought you should know…
Onward…Next up it’s The Whine of the Week – and it’s an old “favorite” of mine but I like to mention it once a summer, at least…With so many outsiders traveling through The Valley at this time of year the usual awful driving has been much in evidence. It seems we get one extreme or the other – the snail-pacers moving along at 35mph, too drunk or too self-involved to notice that there is a stream of traffic behind them, and ignoring the many turnouts available for slower traffic, or the speedsters who frequently make high risk maneuvers when overtaking at 75mph. Either way it’s very annoying that people will not follow the law. To cap it off some of them react to your inquisitive/angry looks by giving you “the finger”. How stupid is that? Why is this the generally accepted response to anyone questioning someone’s bad driving? This odd form of passive/aggressive road rage is pathetic and I often wonder how they would react if confronted face-to-face by a flipped-off Turkey Vulture. Kissing an angry bear’s ass would be nothing in comparison…
Now on to a far more pleasant topic – The Wine of the Week… This past weekend Hummingbird and myself had some friends in town and we relaxed on the deck at The Nest with a bottle of Pinot Noir from the Navarro Vineyards and Winery to accompany some delicious salmon, fresh off the grill. As I served up the salmon and Hummingbird poured the wine, she commented that I had that hungry look on my face. She was right – the “hungry look” comes as a result of not eating for a while and I’d not eaten for nearly thirty minutes - but I digress…Anyway, the wine provided an excellent pairing and if you’re planning to cook up a little salmon in the next few weeks then seriously consider washing it down with this lovely Pinot from the heart of The Valley…
Now for some good old "Jive Turkey"…I may be a little biased but I sense that our readers would like to know that their favorite local bird of prey, Turkey Vultures, are on average about two and a half feet long/tall with a wingspan of six feet and yet we only weigh about three pounds - I am the exception…. Furthermore, and once again I am a departure from the norm, we can swoop at speeds up to sixty (60!) miles per hour although this feat is more often than not done simply to avoid being "mobbed" by those miserable bastards known as ravens or jays who follow us hoping to snatch some of our prey…. In concluding this fascinating topic for the week, I'm sure you're keen to know that we generally live to be around twenty years old…and yes, you guessed it, I am an oddity in this category also...
That’s all for this week…Be careful out there, may your God go with you, and in the meantime, let us prey…
Humbly yours…Turkey Vulture…..
You can contact me either through the Letters Page of the A.V.A. or e-mail me with your comments of support/abuse, or anything else for that matter, at…
turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net
Quiz Answers…
1. Bob Glover
2. Mrs. Harris Lane – anyone know why?
3. 1931 – many of you pass by it every day, I’m sure!