# 155 - April 1st, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin...Let’s get right into a report on the busy week of events here in the Valley that has seen me attend several most enjoyable gatherings, beginning with two that took place last Wednesday evening...
First up was the ‘Silver Celebration’ at the High School gym to acknowledge the designation recently awarded to the School by U.S. News and World Report as one of the top 3% of schools in the Nation. Many people in the Valley from all walks of life attended and the students were clearly very pleased at their award and did a fine job in explaining the various projects in which they were involved. Whatever some may think of this ‘Award’ it should be said that the students certainly seem to be bolstered by it and yer gotta like that... Following this scholastic experience, I flew into downtown Boonville for an ‘educational’ experience of a different kind. This was at The Boonville Lodge Bar & Grill where I was warmly welcomed as a ‘Special Guest’ to the ‘Staff Appreciation Party.’ Cindy Hollinger and D’Anne Wallace had done a wonderful job with the decorations and Owner Tom Towey had made his specialty dishes - beef bourguignon, chicken Marsala, and lasagna – to “thank everyone for their contributions to the bar’s success over the past year.” With an open bar providing a steady flow of drinks courtesy of guest barman Olie Erickson; pool, roulette and black jack tables (for entertainment purposes only of course) run by guest croupiers Kevin Lee and Mark Boudoures, who were both kept very busy by the enthusiastic ‘gamblers’; and karaoke for the less inhibited amongst the crowd; it was an excellent party, no doubt thoroughly enjoyed by all the staff and their guests. Good job, Tom and all those who helped make it possible...
As a brief intermission to this ramble through the social events of the past week, let’s squeeze in The Valley Quiz...Answers at the end...
1. The longest serving Fire Chief in the whole State is from around these parts – not the Valley but fairly close by. Who is he?
2. Boonville was given that name in the late 1860’s by W.W. Boone. What was it called immediately prior to that?
3. In the early 1900’s, there were many ‘tidricks” in the Valley – there still are. This is a Boontling word – i.e. from the local dialect here in the Valley and a little beyond. What was a “tidrick”? (Clue – it’s an appropriate question given the main topic of this week’s column).

Back to business...On Sunday morning I flew into town once again and arrived at The Barn Sale just north of Boonville to be greeted by Bill Holcomb, sitting down inside and not in his usual position at the grill serving up his ‘World Famous’ Holcomburgers. Recovering quickly from this calamitous situation, I was informed that he’d not been well – “good days and bad days”, so the ‘kitchen’ had to be closed for the weekend. Despite this blow, Eva Holcomb informed me that this first weekend following the three-month winter break had been very busy. Hummingbird decided to buy some music albums – the classic soundtracks of ‘Oklahoma’ and ‘My Fair Lady’, and, for reasons that escape me, one by Jim Nabors - Gomer Pyle from ‘The Andy Griffith’s Show’. (I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised - after all she does have an ‘Ethel Merman sings Disco’ album!)...Following a pick-me-up cup of coffee courtesy of Eva, and a quick check on the four Border Collies and a clearly frustrated Shepherd working the flock of sheep next to the Barn – “if this were a football game we’d be losing about 14-35” he told me - we were on our way...Next stop was The Gathering to celebrate the opening of the new firehouse just outside of Philo, across Hwy 128 from Jack’s Valley Store. It’s a wonderful new building and there was a good crowd in attendance. Adding to the event were the superb tri-tip sandwiches being expertly prepared up by Grill Master Olie Erickson, using his secret tri-tip rub recipe, as several other volunteers/fire service personnel served them up to the guests gathered inside the firehouse. Many familiar faces were there but by 4pm or so I was one of the last to leave, at which point there were still some sandwiches remaining. Volunteers Judy Long and Joanie Clark offered them to any takers who were ’lingering with intent’. What was a Turkey Vulture to do? I accepted their generosity, as it would have been rude not to...It had been a very gratifying afternoon I must say...
At such an event, no alcohol was served, not that there is anything wrong with that of course. Nevertheless, on this beautifully sunny, albeit it quite windy afternoon, I was gasping for a beer on our return to The Nest. Moments later, as I surveyed my domain from the deck, and guzzled down a bottle of Red Tale Ale from the Mendocino Brewery in Ukiah, whilst slowly gnawing on one of the delicious sandwiches, my mind wandered to what I’ve always thought to be a very wise observation from the mind of none other than Benjamin Franklin – “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”...Wow!! Now if those words of wisdom aren’t deserving of being included under our weekly heading ‘The Value of a Drink’, then I don’t know what is – so put that in your pipe and smoke it!
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you...Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture.
You can contact me with words of support/abuse either by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.s. Hi, Silver Swan, I hope you are well...
Quiz answers...
1. The Fire Chief is R.D. ‘Bobby’ Beacon. He’s been forty-six years in that position over on the coast in the town of Elk.
2. Kendall City – so named by Alonzo Kendall who had settled in the Valley in 1854 and had owned a small hotel and store in what is now the downtown Boonville area. He left to live in Manchester on the coast in 1867.
3. “Tidrick” is Boont for a social gathering. These events were often organized by the church and featured tea and drinks. “Tidrick” is a combination of these two words.

# 154 - March 25th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Let’s start with some Public Service Announcements: #141 – Thursday, March 26th, will see the traveling Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital in town at Dig Landscape and Garden Supply a mile or so north of Philo. They will be helping within your pet’s needs from 2pm until 3.30pm and you can sign in earlier if you wish. As a ‘heads-up, I am assured that the vets will be back in the Valley on April 9th and then again on April 23rd – same time and place...#142 – The Barn Sale returns this weekend, March 28th and 29th, 9am – 3pm each day – it’s Holcomburger time!...#143 – The Grand Opening of the new Philo Fire Station, and BBQ, will be at 2pm on Sunday, March 29th – opposite Jack’s Valley Store, just north of Philo...Now you know...
I haven’t shared any of this for a time and I’m sure you’ve been disappointed so here’s some good old Jive Turkey for your reading pleasure...We Turkey Vultures are the only scavenger birds who do not kill our prey. Furthermore, if you were to ever make a close inspection of my feet you would undoubtedly be reminded more of a chicken than either a hawk or eagle. Our feet are useless for ripping into prey but we do have the most powerful of beaks that can tear through even the toughest cowhide. We then simply thrust our head into the quite delicious cavities of the preferably fresh animal before us. Now you know and have a little more understanding of my world – glamorous eh!?!
Whilst we are on the topic of my hedonistic lifestyle, here’s the ‘Value of a Drink’ Thought of the Week from the mind of legendary American comedian, Henny Youngman – “ When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading!”...Perhaps a bit of an over-reaction by the comic genius, but somewhat understandable wouldn’t you say?
Moving quickly on...It’s time for The Valley Quiz...Answers at the end...
1. In what year was our wonderful A.V. Animal Rescue founded. And by whom?
2. Last summer’s Mendocino Lightning Complex fires lasted from June 20th until July 19th – how many fires were there?
a) 69 b) 109 c) 129
3. What links Cornelius Prather, Annie Gertrude Reilly, and Thelma Pinoli?
On to matters of a more meaningful nature...I was able to attend the wonderful fund-raiser dinner for A.V. High School freshman Eric Guerrero held at the Grange on Saturday evening. Eric has been diagnosed with leukemia and is undergoing treatment at U.C.S.F. The event was a huge success with delicious Mexican dishes of enchiladas and posole etc prepared by several cooks in the Grange kitchen. There were many, many people who turned up to give support to Eric and wish him well in his recovery – the parking lot was full and there were vehicles along the side of Hwy 128 for some way. I spoke to Maria Reynoso, who works at the A.V. Medical Center, and she informed me that Eric is doing very well and is getting the best treatment available...
Now let's get to some of the topics under discussion this week at The Five-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite bar/restaurant in the Valley..... What is happening at the new Ball Winery opposite Golden Eye Vineyards on Hwy 128 just south of Philo? This project was moving along rapidly and appeared close to completion until the financial crisis hit owner Jim Ball and all work stopped. I had heard that it would still open in February but so far nothing and The Five-Dot’s regulars were wondering what was going on..... Similar inquisitions are still rumbling on with regards to the Buckhorn/Ox sale in downtown Boonville. Apparently moves are afoot and one can only hope that current owner and A.V. Brewery Supreme Leader, ‘King’ Ken Allen will 'do the right thing' during negotiations and will not have to be taken to the Hanging Tree on A.V. Way to solve any problems that may arise - it's a joke, Ken, you old buzzard!..... There’ll be no Woolgrowers Fair and BBQ this year (there wasn’t one last year due to the Fairgrounds being used by the firefighters) and that is very disappointing to many Valley folks. Apparently the main problem is the shortage of new organizers as the ‘old guard’ tries to step away from the excellent ‘job’ they have done for many years..... It’s pledge-drive time for the local public radio station and so try to give a little if you can, It’s a tough time for everyone but most folks at The Five-Dot, whilst having ‘issues’ with KZYX & Z on some levels, still support it and realize that if the struggling station goes under now it will not be coming back anytime soon..... And the final thought/rumor this week suggests that Sheriff Dennis Miller is doing a fine job since his return to the Valley ‘beat’. According to my reliable sources, he is being very fair-minded, giving the local guys a break if their ‘crime’ is negligible, and yet cracking down on those speeding tourists in the heart of Boonville – as I witnessed personally on Sunday afternoon...
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you...Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture.
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
Quiz answers...
1. The amazing Cheryl Schrader started the Animal Rescue in 2000.
2. There were 129 separate blazes burning in Mendocino during last summer’s fires.
3. Those three Valley stalwarts were all postmasters in Philo, with Cornelius founding it in 1888.

# 153 - March 18th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…Woe is me! Sorry folks but the column will be shorter than usual because I have been stricken with...“the thing that is going around,” Not only that but it meant that I was unable to make it to the St. Patrick’s Day Dinner to benefit the A.V. Senior Center at the Apple Hall in Boonville on Saturday evening – I hope it was a success. It was the first one I’ve missed for years and can only drown my sorrows and cheer myself up with the thoughtful words of Irish ‘philosopher’ Brian O'Rourke who sagely observed, “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!”...It’s quite difficult to argue with such wisdom, isn’t it? And that’s your Quote of the Week...
They’re back! Following a three-month hiatus during which they took a well-deserved break yet still managed to put together a superb crab feed in Boonville and a St. Patrick’s Day event in Elk, The Barn Sale Crew, led by Gloria Ross and the Holcombs, will soon return to The Big Barn, behind The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way just north of Boonville. It’s from 9am to 3pm, both Saturday and Sunday, on the weekend of March 28th and 29th...Bargains galore will be on offer and I am assured that Bill’s excellent Holcomburgers will be sizzling on the grill awaiting your healthy appetites. Why wouldn’t you be there?
The Wine of the Week...A week or so ago, as I sipped the Claudia Springs Zinfandel and devoured the various sausages laid out before me, I couldn’t help but think, “it doesn’t get much better than this.” The sausages were three proto-type varieties produced at Bay Creek Farm on Ornbaun Rd in Boonville (895-2013) where the pigs are organically raised, fed, and butchered under the expert eye of Alan ‘my sausage is better than yours’ Thomas. They were all very good indeed – the sausage with pesto and walnuts; the hot Italian sausage; and the sausage with bacon inside – yes, you read that correctly!! With the hearty Zinfandel (an excellent wine with many beef or pork dishes) to wash them down, I have to say, perhaps rather predictably, that I felt I was in hog heaven – not a bad place to be, I can assure you...
Of course that can only bring us to The Whine of the Week – although not so much a whine, but more of a concern...Potentially disturbing news came to my attention this week when some customers at The Five-Dot Lounge informed me that their dog had to have both a tooth pulled and a cyst removed last week. The vets they had always used, like many other pet owners around here, including myself, were those at the Mendocino Animal Hospital – often positively reviewed in this very column. However, those guys quoted a price for these procedures of $1300! The pet owners thought this was way too much and called other vets. For exactly the same treatment they were quoted $600 by the vets at Yokayo Veterinary Center on North State Street in Ukiah. They went ahead with the less expensive work and were very satisfied with the care and attention the dog received for less than half the price. I have always said that the Mendocino Animal Hospital vets are extremely professional, very caring, and also provide a wonderful service by visiting the Valley on a monthly basis, albeit somewhat inconsistent in terms of the actual day. I have also said they are expensive and charge for every single little thing they do. In these times of economic cutbacks for many, perhaps it is time to shop around for your pet’s needs, particularly if this incident is an example of their current pricing policy...
I should go now – I’ve got medications to take and a man to see about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you...Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture.
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 152 - March 11th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin… Did you enjoy The Variety Show last weekend? I certainly did and will give a brief ‘review’ below. In the meantime I would like to respond to the rampant rumor running around the Valley’s theatrical and fashion circles that Captain Rainbow would be wearing a new tuxedo at the Show this year. Not true - it was the same one as usual. It didn’t matter – he looked very dapper and did a marvelous job once again, although I must say I was concentrating more on watching his attractive co-host, Patty Liddy, who was far more voluptuous and has much better legs than the Captain...
And, with no connection whatsoever to the aforementioned delightful co-host (?), we now move to The Quote of the Week, which features some words to live by from the immortal Mae West...”When I’m good I’m very good, but when I’m bad I’m better”...As I’ve said before – “yer gotta like that”...
I arrived at the Variety Show just before 7pm on Friday as the show was about to begin. “We’re at the legal limit. You’re the last one in, Vulture,” Back Stage Maestro and Trouble-Shooter Tom Smith announced as he closed the door behind me. I stood by the door at the very back – the perfect position from which to ‘escape’ to the important ‘discussions over drinks’ which I planned to be involved with in the parking lot at various times throughout the evening along with the usual suspects. It was not to be. I was soon enlisted as the unofficial doorman preventing latecomers from entering, as insisted upon by Fire Chief Colin Wilson. As a result I missed the ‘discussions’ and for the first time in years saw every single act in what turned out to be a very good line-up. In the first half my particular favorites were Olivia Allen’s opening ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ quirky dance routine; the fun-filled ‘Young at Heart’ dance troop led by Linda Boudoures; the majestic ballet from ‘Sleeping Beauty’ by Morgan, the hip Mendo Dance Project from Elk, and Sarah Larkin’s delightful singing... Following the interval, during which time the ‘discussions’ outside had been heavy and intense, the second half maintained the standards set earlier and was also full of good acts, with perhaps the evening’s highlight being The Bronettes and their saucy rendition of a musical commercial for the hippy soap they apparently used to wash themselves all over with – the mind boggled. The show finished with Amanda Grace hanging from, and gyrating amongst, ‘scarves’ attached to the ceiling. She was very talented and extremely easy on the eye, I must say.....On Saturday evening, I arrived earlier and took up my position on the door. The ticket holders were allowed in first to prevent some of the awkward moments of the night before when such people arrived late and had to be turned away, with full refund of course, because the capacity had been reached – there were over 400 people there each night...Once again the quality of performances was high with my favorites being the melodious A.V. Chorus, the wonderfully talented Holly Newstead and her inspiring music and dance performance in sign language, Kim Morgan’s heart-rending song and beautiful voice, the song, dance, and flamenco guitar of Susan and Eli, the piano playing of Doctor Jack Powers (particularly the piece by Chopin), and the excellent closing number featuring the exotic and very tight middle eastern dancing of The Trillium Tribe. There were very few ‘questionable’ acts on either night and the wonderful efforts by all, both on stage and off, should be highly commended. I should add that the general consensus at the ‘Afterglow Party’ held at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville following the Saturday night Show was that Variety Show #18 would go down as one of the very best of all-time!!!
Talking of good times, this coming Saturday sees the St. Patrick’s Day Dinner at the Apple Hall in Boonville. This event benefits the A.V. Senior Center ($15 adults/$8 Under 8’s) and with Happy Hour starting at 5.30 and dinner served at 6pm, it should be yet another most enjoyable community night out in the Valley. For further details contact Gina at 895-3609...
Turning to another possibly enjoyable event, albeit some way away from the Valley, modesty has probably prevented the A.V.A. Supremo Bruce Anderson from mentioning his appearance at this coming weekend’s Anarchist Book Faire in S.F. It takes place at the County Fair Building (alongside G.G. Park at 9th Avenue on Lincoln Way) from 10am to 6pm on Saturday and Sunday, March 14th/15th, with Bruce scheduled to speak at 11.30 on Saturday morning. So, if you’re in the area, say “Hi”, give him a quick rendition of “We’ll keep the red flag flying here”, and maybe he’ll buy you a drink at The Blackthorn Tavern just across the street. I’m sure he won’t be against having a few shots of Jameson’s himself - just to get through being an anarchist for a few hours...
This time The Wine of the Week comes about as a result of the previously mentioned unofficial doorman job at the Variety Show. The performance of this duty was severely tested by the constant flow of mid-teens in and out of the exit doors, cell phones clasped in their hands, and ‘important’ messages to send and receive no doubt. What a pain. Some of them left and returned several times in each half of the show and by the end I was telling them they’d have to wait for the intervals between acts to return. They didn’t like this but with the enjoyment of other guests being impaired by the constant opening of the doors it was not difficult to justify. I’d forgotten how annoying, surly, and self-indulgent some kids of that age can be and in my day they would have been the recipients of a little clip round the ear for their behavior...Perhaps having a curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture on the door is not something the Show will require next year but I will be there if called upon, ready to ‘clip’ whenever necessary...
On a far more enjoyable topic let’s move to the Whine of the Week. Following the Show I attended the Afterglow Party at Lauren’s and enjoyed a glass of Pinot Noir from Navarro Vineyards accompanied by a pepperoni and mushroom pizza served by the very able Terry Ryder, helping out behind the bar on such a busy night. It was a delicious pairing and, whilst the word ‘orgasmic’ did not come to mind, the phrase ‘yer gotta like that’ certainly did – for the second time in a week too!
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you...Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture...
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 151 - March 4th, 2009

Greetings one and all…Are you sitting comfortably - then I shall begin…As the Variety Show approaches I can feel The Valley trembling with excitement as so many of its inhabitants are involved in one way or another. I shall no doubt be there at The Grange on both evenings – Friday 6th and Saturday 7th – but don’t bother to save me a seat near to the front. Whilst I appreciate everyone’s efforts with their acts, a curmudgeonly bastard like myself cannot possibly enjoy every aspect of the show, dutifully applauding and laughing all night long. I need to escape for light refreshments and ‘in-depth discussions’ outside so I’ll be at the back of the hall, not bothering anyone with my comings-and-goings. Don’t worry - I will not be alone out there, the usual suspects will no doubt be having similar thoughts...Meanwhile, the very best wishes to all involved – “break a leg”, as they say in theatrical circles...
There was only one real topic under review this week at The Five-Dot Lounge so here we go with “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite bar/restaurant in the Valley.....
Loud whispers continued to circulate about possible moves afoot to buy the original A.V. Brewery building, a.k.a. The Buckhorn Saloon, a.k.a. The Highpockety Ox, and possibly move the Boonville Lodge to that venue. I hear that Lodge owner Tom Towey is the man to talk to if anyone is considering this potentially very lucrative business opportunity and in becoming an investor. Tom owns the only liquor license in The Valley so where Tom goes, the license goes – and, based on his work in turning The Lodge around, it will probably be a successful business wherever that may be.....
With The Lodge’s recently reported experiences with their landlord in mind, not to mention various other 'Bad Landlord Horror Stories' that I am aware of, I cannot help but think that for the Quote of the Week we should turn to the words on this topic by the one and only Karl Marx who said, “Landlords love to reap where they never sowed.” One might assume that perhaps Karl knew some businessmen in the Valley?!?!...
Moving quickly on...It’s time for The Valley Quiz, now at it’s new (temporary?) position in the middle of the column... Answers at the end...
1. What were the three previous names of the bar/restaurant in downtown Boonville that is now called Lauren’s Restaurant?
2. How high is Navarro?...Geographically speaking, of course! To the nearest ten feet will do...
3. The A.V. Variety Show has been going for some time now. What edition will be taking place this coming weekend?
I took a day off last week – yes folks, despite the rumors, it’s not all glamour searching for fresh carrion all day long and we Turkey Vultures need to take a break just like anyone else. On this occasion I treated myself to lunch at Libby’s and can report that the Carnitas plate is a good as ever, perhaps even better, and together with two Pacifico beers (without limes of course) it really doesn’t get much better. So, even though it’s not strictly following the ‘rules’, let’s make those two beers The Wine of the Week – though it must be said that without the pork dish they are just another refreshing beverage with which to wash away the taste of freshly squashed squirrel (which is easier to write than to say, I can assure you)...
Obviously that brings me very neatly to The Whine of the Week...I was in attendance at the High School Public Speaking Competition, sponsored by The Lions Club and held at the Grange a couple of weeks ago. It was attended by just one student from our High School - yes, just one!? A dozen or more Lions Club members showed up and, whilst they would have been there anyway, it was disappointing when the equally letdown teacher Beth Swela introduced just a single competitor. This was Jonathan Ocampo who was understandably nervous and yet did a fine job and will move on to the next round...I have no desire to ‘bash’ the school, which is how some readers will no doubt construe this comment, however, hopefully most of you will realize it is just constructive criticism...There were ten or so competitors last year so it is disappointing to hear that there were only four students in total signed-up this time. That’s too bad when such an event can broaden horizons and teach useful life skills. And why did those three other students fail to attend or send an explanation for their absence? I have not heard of any explanation being offered – clearly the act of taking responsibility for one’s actions is a life skill they have yet to learn if this incident is anything to go by...Of course if the three no-shows, unbeknownst to me, have apologized for, or explained, their absence to the Lions then they have done the right thing. If so - well done to them. If not perhaps they should grow up and prove me wrong...
I should go now – I’ve got to see a man about a sheep...Be careful out there; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you...Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”…
Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
You can contact me with words of support/abuse by e-mail at …turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
Quiz answers...
1. Before Lauren took over in 1995 it was ‘The Soundbite’ and before that, ‘The Smiling Deer’. Prior to that, when frequented primarily by the Mexican settlers in the Valley, it was called ‘Mary Jane’s Cantina’ and apparently offered more than just a beer; if you get my drift...
2. Navarro is 272 feet above sea level.
3. There have been seventeen previous shows, so this weekend will be the 18th!!